Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....

Hmmmmm......

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

A DIFFERENT KIND OF BABY DADDY

Hello Stella, I want to say that your blog has been a blessing to me in ways that I can't explain. God bless you as you keep up the good work.


I need you and my fellow blog visitors to kindly advise me on how to handle this issue that is currently draining me emotionally. I need to know if I should become a better woman or receive sense.


I am a 36 year old medical doctor, currently going through a divorce. I left my ex husband after I discovered so many dark secrets about him and their plot to kill me.
To the main issue, I left my husband without a dime, I moved with my daughter into an uncompleted house and worked two tedious jobs to provide for us and a maid I hired to help me with the baby. I am very hardworking and intelligent and this made me get into the good book of some destiny helpers and I started getting jobs that will pay me like 1.5 in two months. Sometimes, I get it about 4-5 times in a year.


My ex started trying to kidnap my little baby so I had to move into a well secured place and it cost me about 2.3m. Over the years since I left my husband, I avoid men and kept celibate. I met this guy and fell in love with him almost immediately, I have never felt that way before. He brought out another aspect of me that is not too medical and serious. He was so warm, caring and always makes me laugh. He lives in Benin and I was in the abroad at the time.


I came back to Nigeria and went to visit him and we had sex that same day. I don't know what happened to me that day, i peed all over the place. I became ashamed and he later cheered me up that I shouldn't be ashamed that he liked it and that he has only seen it in porn.


After I had my first child, I had complications that would make it almost impossible to he pregnant. I discovered that I was pregnant for him, I didnt know if I should be happy or worried or sad and considering my divorce, I was just numb.
I called him and told him and he was so so happy, he made me feel better and assured me that we will be fine.
After a couple of days, I guess he told some people and they poisoned his mind and he started behaving funny. I told him point blank that I will not attempt abortion, asides being a pro life advocate, I have had a previous abortion that almost cost my life and I asked God to spare my life and I will never ever do it again or encourage anyone.


I finally told him I have had an abortion after so much argument . We stopped talking, I was sick all through the pregnancy, I couldn't work as much and my family supported me, I went to meet my mum in the US and had my baby there. After I came back to Nigeria, baby was about 4-5 months then, he suddenly started sending me love messages. He kept doing that till I couldn't ignore him anymore, we started talking. One day he said he wished we had the baby, that he regrets what we did. He said he wants to start a family with me and told me the people that poisoned his mind.


That night, my best friend encouraged me to send him a photo of baby and i told him that I didn't do the abortion. I had to lie to him cos i wanted peace to go through the pregnancy. He was so so happy and started saying that we need to get married. He became more serious as before. In December he came to see us for the first time and we started planning how to live together. I wasn't desperate for the marriage thing as I wanted to migrate and settle down first.


Here is the major problem. We are two worlds apart. He runs a mini provision shop with his mum and they barely enough money to run day to day. He said he was very sick at a point and couldn't get his University certificate. He doesn't lie to me, he told me he got married twice (court wedding) to travel abroad but it didn't work. The first girl abandoned him and the second one didn't work. He is someone I can trust and I really believed in him.
My two kids are dual citizens and I have (UK, American and Canada visa) i intend to apply for Canadian permanent residence and I want to include him as my conjugal partner, it has a lot of financial requirements and I am struggling to get back on my feet while solely providing for my two kids. I intend leaving in December.


We were discussing one day and he asked if I can get a small car for him to use for Uber so he can move to Lagos. I asked if he can do it and he assured me that he can do anything to support me, I felt the seriousness in his voice and I told him that I will look for money. Our budget was a small tokunbo Corolla of 1.3m. I had just paid my rent and school fees so I had to ask a doctor friend who agreed to give me 1.6m.


He sold the car he was using for 400k and we used the money to get a small bq for him close to me (I share my apartment with a friend) but he comes once in a while when she is not around. I discovered that he was now preferred camry instead. I bought a 2009 Toyota camry XLE for 1.65m. Only for me to find out that the drivers license he was supposed to do before coming, he didn't do it. His mum later told me that it was her fault that she's the one that was supposed to get it for him.
I had a fall and broke a bone in my leg, I was doing all these running around from Lekki to Apapa on my leg with the cast and crutches. I come back and do school runs, cook for the kids, I cook his food separate cos he has heart issues so he is not meant to eat red oil, red meat, Salt etc. 

He doesn't complain or disturb me but he doesn't offer to help either. Like he will not even offer to help with school runs. He only does things when you ask him to even when it is glaring. He will be on his phone or on the TV for a full day. It just doesn't occur to him to help. Even if he sees that I am struggling to lift something with my bad leg, he will just be there, until I ask him to and he will do it happily.


I have taken him out a few times and when I ask him to drop his phone and be looking to know landmarks he will either tell me that he has Google map or he will get angry that I am talking to him anyhow.


What caused the final issue now is that I told him to find a licensing office near us and go and do his license but he was insisting that I should take him there. I told him to either use Google map or get an Uber. He refused. I finally accepted to take him there and asked him to come over to my house so that we can move as I am going out in the morning, I woke at 5:30, prepared and got the kids set, he was still in the room on the bed pressing his phone. I left for school runs to beat traffic thinking that he would be set by the time I get back but I met him still pressing phone. I got angry and asked him if I should spell out things before he will know what to do.


I was inside the room when I rushed out to see the little baby on the floor bleeding profusely, he had stormed out of the house, drive off and left baby alone on the chair. Apparently, baby was trying to follow him and fell from that height cos he's just 13 months old. My maid was in the kitchen and he couldn't ask her to come and get baby or close the door. He just left my door open and walked away. I put a call and he didn't answer for like 5 times, I was on my way to the hospital before he answered, I shouted at him and told him that if I had met him in the house I will break his head. That is what he is holding on to now, that I said I will break his head (and he believed that I would do it?) . As I am typing this he has moved out of the house back to Benin.


When all these were happening, I called his mum. He calls her anytime we have issues. She came to Lagos, I thought he was going to pick her cos he has been with the new car, I was surprised when she called me while I was doing school runs, I quickly dropped my daughter and went to pick her. She started telling me that her son tells her everything, that he has not broken up from her and that I should be taking him round and helping him do things like washing, cleaning etc. I take food to him and he won't even wash his plates. His clothes same. I offered to wash once but he said no, so I asked him to wash so I can come and dry for him in my house since he doesn't have a hanger.


His mum just sighted him and said, aaahhhh, his room is so small, the toilet is smelling(meanwhile it's dirty clothes and filled bin), that his son has lost weight and she is taking him home. I just lost it, I told her that how many of their relatives has ever borrowed them 10k? I am trying to get him to be a man, it's like a tortoise pulling a Carmel. It was over one month and all he does is sleep, eat, watch TV cos the light is quite steady. 

Then she gave me the shocker, that her son cannot do driver work, that if I am serious that I love him, that I should open a pharmacy shop for him. That I am too money conscious and I am putting unnecessary pressure on her son and I don't feed him well. That as she came, I should have taken her to bar beach or even take her out. 

So, I asked her if I would use grass to open the pharmacy shop, shop rent alone is 2.5m here in Lekki, what will happen to the 1.65m I borrowed to buy the car for him? Is it not money I will use to do all these? Taking her out, cooking good food for her son, is it my teeth I will use? I told her that I was trying to save money for our travel. In all these, she never appreciated me for taking care of her grand son and even making effort to help her son. I turned to her son and asked him why he was quiet and his mum was accusing me like this. He said nothing, I told the woman that she can take her son and go and left them there. She started calling that she was sorry. I kept on bringing food for them till she left and her son followed.


Now, I heard he is saying that I have bad character. His mum told me that his son is not the hustling type and he told her we are moving to Canada. I should just help him get to Canada. That he cannot work under the sun, that it gives him headache but that if he gets to Canada, that the cold weather will help him work. 

All these happening, he hasn't even started the work o, all we are dragging is to wake up early first and have your bath. That's all. For someone that doesn't have a certificate and has this kind of attitude knowing we borrowed money to get this car, how does he want to change in Canada? Right now, they are asking me to help him with money to get a car he will be using since he left Lagos, no one is asking how I will payback the money I borrowed or take care of his son.


The only thing is that I have never loved anyone the way I love him, I also feel somehow that he loves me but he wants me to keep pampering him. He doesn't have an independent opinion. He is so spoilt at 35 and he expects me to be calm. He sees how much I struggle to hold the grounds, I hardly sleep at night, we have a target, all I think about is how to get us settled, I am under constant presaure. My maids family is demanding 500k from me. She has finished secondary school and I want to compensate her for staying with me when I had nothing. She has written GRE, IELTS and Mcat and passed, she wants to study medicine when we get to Canada . 

I see his face anytime I look at my son. I miss him because he is the only one I am close to asides work and he is fun to be with except when duty calls. My baby girl is so fond of him cos he has time to play with her and patient for her endless conversations. He is really a child at heart. At the same time, I don't want anyone taking me for granted, I need someone to help me no matter how little. I have never asked him to contribute to take care of baby. 

He hasn't called me since he left, I haven't called him too. Tho I called his mum to make sure he got home safe. I am currently looking for someone to rent his room so I can send him the money. I don't know if I am so hard on him, I really took care of him just that I am always busy and expects that he can just make a little effort. Could it be culture shock? Should I reach out to him? I feel so empty and If I have to move on, I will hands off from men and relationships.

Hmmmmm my dear it is better for you to be single than to be involved in this Negative nonsense you call a relationship..Do not attempt to marry this man or take him abroad otherwise you will learn your lesson the hard way....shine your eyes and stay woke.....GOSH!!!