This is serious!!!!
CONFUSED WIFE TO BE......
Am a 23yrs old graduate, I work where I earn 20k in an organization, I barely save 2k each month though not constant, my 'Fiance" earns well. We were both jobless and God knows my heart, I cried and prayed for God to bless him knowing how much his family needs him.
He got a 200k+ job. Till date if I ask for even 200 to sub,he would say am putting him under pressure.
He doesn't hesitate to mock my job situation. So we parted for 5 months after which we settled.Two weeks after he proposed publicly, I accepted.
Since that day, I noticed I think I hate him more than I love him.
I have talked to him about mocking me, he said Its just a joke na, after all we do yab each other.Or was it when he said " U dream too much when u won't achieve it".
These words no matter how I try to let go and forgive, I can't.
Somebody I prayed God bless more than myself.
I liased with my parents to shift our introduction dates TWICE, he doesn't know. Now 20th is another date.I am not sure I love him more than I resent him yet I want to show him he was wrong to talk me down by sticking close.
Am so confused, what if he doesn't stop this insults cause to him its nothing, his late mother blessed our Union before she died, how do I break out of the family that loves me too.
I love him and hate him too
I need help please.
*I think you have a problem and need to find your sense of humour...Marriage is not childs play and if little things like annoy you and you cannot find your emotional G-spot,then please dont get Married....
i know he should say such things but hey,its not that serious and stop making it look like God blessed him because you prayed...GOD BLESSED HIM BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BLESS HIM and it has nothing to do with you!!!
Find a solution to yourself before you attempt to marry him or anyone else...
Poster You need to apply wisdom.
ReplyDeleteVote For Your Favourite Female Blogger of The Year!
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Poster quite frankly there's a part of me that truly want to b nice to u bt I'll ve to tell u d truth. Ure wicked. Reading ur post all I could picture is a jealous and vengeful woman.
Delete1stly, u dont seem genuinely happy ur guy got a better job than u. 2ndly, u think becos u prayed n he got a job ure entitled to his ATM card n pin. (Wonder why u think his own family didnt pray 4 him as well). 3rdly, u said ure sticking around cos u want to show him 4 mocking u even after he told u its just a joke? Really?
Personally, I hate stingy men n it seem ur man is one bt since uve given ursef a reason to stick with him even when u dont love him I nor get choice bt to wish u luck.
Stella, God blesses people based on the prayers of others.
DeleteBut poster wait oo just one thing stuck out in this your chronicle WHY PRAY FOR HIM? Abi you no like better thing?
DeleteSeriously, I was so surprise when she said she prayed for him more than herself.
DeletePoster; i understand you
DeleteNOTHING is wrong with you. You are just a sensitive person. Are you a cancerian?
Don't mind those that will follow suit and call u names. One thing with people that likes yabbing is that it's all fun and games to them until the joke is on them.
Instead of being vengeful; calm down and study that guy well well. There must be something worrying him in this life. Whenever he talks you down and call it joke; use his issues and insult him back and call it a joke.
As for his stinginess; na follow come. Be using it to yab him in a soft way till he starts getting the message.
My advice; hold on on this marriage till you form FRIENDSHIP with this man and you both understand yourselves better. If not; you may just be signing up for a tsunami
All the best
@anon sometimes
DeleteIt feels like people either lack comprehension
Or they just like being bashful
Instead of them to drop a word of advice
They'd rather be vile
It's so unfortunate
Poster I think your concerns are valid and your instincts are trying to tell you something. Study his character well because he is smelling like a narcissist to me. And one thing narcs do well is to chip at your self esteem till you are nuts. And if he is truly stingy do you think he would change in marriage? Slow down and put a break on things until you are sure. Pray about it. I'm not getting good vibes from this.......
DeleteIs this how u want to spend the rest of your life, just what if he continues with mocking u, can u stand it, don't manage what you don't want to continue, abeg. Marriage is for ever ok
Deletena stage of confusion u dey.. laslas u go dey alright i no even c any issue for ur story. if we no get any problem, too much of overthinking will just create 1 problem that is not relevant. u are about to get married trust me d argument never start sef. stop postponing get ur introduction done FEAR na bastard
DeleteGod bless you anon 19:15
DeletePoster, you are not mad or stupid, ur concerns are valid and you should take that anon’s advise. Don’t rush to that marriage yet, study that man well b4 making d worse mistake of ur life! There is still time, you are young.
God bless you poster 19:15, you advised her well. Why wld someone continuously mock your dreams and aspirations or your situation and claim to love you? I'm in such a situation now, I used to think i was a forgiving person until husband who has a bad mouth mocked my dreams and situation, still finding it really hard to forgive or forget. Don't settle, at the end of the day it's you and him alone in the life long journey called marriage
Deleteyou love him and you hate him , that's simultaneous equations, if you're good in mathematics you will know the answer
ReplyDeletenext patient
Hmmmm.....are you sure you are ready for this guy?
ReplyDeleteYou have this sense of entitlement that Nigerians have. You mean, you prayed for him and he got the job, but not his intelligence or knowledge play a part in it? You do realise that in this Nigeria, 200k job is not one walk in the park? You think his dying mother did not pray to God to bless her son as well? Why are you so entitled to someone blessing when God is the one who decides? If your prayers were so effective, why God did not give two of you the same job or gave you a better paying one?
DeleteYes what he does is so wrong, and someone like me i will tell him without mincing words that he should shut the fuck up if he is not ready to help because after all, he used to be jobless too. You are a very vindictive person and keep grudges, your type is hard to forgive and move on. You are also jealous, yes you are.I suggest you don't marry him, you will be doing both of you more harm than good if you do. Tell him the truth, what you feel and why you can't seem to move on, don't be a coward too. Pray for another job while at it, the God that blessed him through your prayers(rolls eyes) will also bless you with a better one if you stop being jealous and forgiven. Free your heart and soul
Whatever u do, don't open your eye n enter into a stingy man's house, you will grow old before your time.
ReplyDeleteWhen is a man stingy?
DeleteI keep saying it, women, ladies, learn to pray for yourselves!!
ReplyDeleteChannel ur prayers for blessings, favour, prosperity, progress etc to yourself.....you will not die if you progress more than ur spouse or siblings.
Salvation and the blessings that come with it is personal, not sexually transmitted
Jesus is Lord! "Salvation and the blessings that come with it is personal, not sexually transmitted" Mehnn! You are something! I doff my hat for you. Women! Think!!
DeleteStella God can bless someone for another person’s sake o.
ReplyDeleteI thing I know ya problem
ReplyDeleteNo be from Oyinbo people una learn this "public proposals?" 🐱🚀🤢
You come accept persin wey you "hate". Hate is a very strong word o and you no fit mix am with love at all.
Okay, if na im dey earn 20k, you for bring this "love" drop, abi all of una no be graduates?
Sisi, ya problem na how you go take yarn all those people wey dey where you accept say you go marry am, say you no fit again.
How you never begin race come get knock knees eh?
Abeg, stay away until you sort out yasef inugo.
And make I add that if this man go just travel go "abroad" call you from there, this ya "hate" go vanish fiaaaaaaaam!
The herodian has spoken.
DeleteYou are just jealous!
ReplyDeleteYou think it’s because of your prayer that he got 200K job? Imagine entitlement mentality.
Why don’t you pray for yourself to get a better job abi your prayer works only on others.
If you don’t want him, please drop his contact for others.
@Kwikwi,you are too harsh.
DeleteNor mind her.
DeleteChai you are still hurt and you still wants to marry. Better don't kill him one day when he is asleep.
ReplyDeleteNext time ladies pray to God to bless you except your husband is God fearing and will love you more when the monies comes.
Your head hates him, but your heart still has residue of love for him, your heart and head needs to be in-sync before you marry him...
ReplyDeleteIts never a good idea to marry with doubts in your head.
That means you can't marry my husband, at first I don't find it funny, I get hurt. But now we yab each other and it's just fun.last night I was already asleep when I heard him yabbing my shoe, to think the shoe is not even up to 5 months old and I interchange it with one other one ,and I bought it 5k.I thought second hand shoe last longer.
ReplyDeleteThere was a time my sister bought one funny shaped shoe,he yab the shoe and my sister will always hide the shoe.
This made me laugh ... .
Deletethis is not about you ma, just give her the advice she needs and stop telling us how you and your husband act towards each other, what works for one may not work for the other.
DeleteDear poster, if you are in doubt or you feel you no longer love the guy, please do not proceed with the marriage, a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage, moreover your fiance sounds like a selfish entitled person, he doesn't have the potential to change, if you cannot deal with him please call it quits whiles you still can.
Shoe is different. The guy is bringing down her self esteem. He should stop it. Tell him when there's no fight. He might mean no harm but it hurts your feelings.
DeleteI'm reeling from laughter 🤣
Delete15:40 easy oo
DeleteYour husband is so funny, tell him to buy you new shoe when next he yabs it.
DeleteAnon 15:40, why so pained?
Reminds me of my husband he has yabbed my leg tire i even have a video of him mocking the way i walk. That i only wear shoes for men.. that my feet destroys shoe. That he remembers when he met me my hair used to start from the middle i had no front hair.
Deletebut 15:52 is right. Its different. My husband can never say something to bruise my self esteem like poster's fiance
ha ha ha... Shoe ha ha ha.. yab his own back. Poster's self esteem is being attacked. Stella there are intercessors. Who intercede on behalf of people. Now i channel mine through the Saints of God and Our Mother of Perpetual Help. People tend to want to take the Glory for answered prayers.
DeletePoster pray for yourself, harder than you prayed for your finance, the God who answered before isnt a partial God and miracles haven't finished
Shoe is different from ones dreams ND a man been stingy.
DeleteIts do me I do u oooo,my mother inlaw will tell me to yab hubby back anytime he yabs me...anytime he says something u dont like tell him jokingly,
DeletePoster marriage is scare. I will advise you to marry him and learn how to love him. Please forgive him totally. It is because you have not forgiven him that is why you feel that you hate him. It will definitely end in praise. Cheers
ReplyDeleteBiggest scam ever: Learn to love.
DeleteYou meant to say marriage is scarce or scary?
DeletePoster don't try it.
DeleteI will advice y not to marry him o.
Stingy mn is a no go area
problem at hand: confusion and fear.
ReplyDeletesolution to the problem: pray to Him for wisdom, knowledge and understanding.
if the above Dosent work, look for old old people in you family to consult
cheers
You are not ready for marriage. At least not with this man. I hope you know marriage is forever and not something you can walk in and out of anyhow. I fear for you, because I know you will still go ahead. Bye.
ReplyDeletePlease let him go if you are not at peace with yourself. If you tell your partner you don't like the way he mocks you then he should adjust and stop. We react to things differently. Some jokes are not accepted. If he is not ready to stop those silly jokes and his stinginess, dump him and move on.
ReplyDeletethank you!!!, finally a sensible comment..... kisses
DeleteP.S I'm female
I agree with you.
DeleteFirst sensible comment. I dont know why people think its okay for him to joke with sensitive stuff that affects her self esteem even when he knows she doesn't find it funny. When they get married and she's unable to contribute to the running of the home that's when people will know he wasn't joking.
DeleteThere's nothing worse than marrying a stingy spouse!😎😎😎😎
ReplyDeleteNothing stops him from subscribing for data every month just as a token, knowing your job situation.
Marriage won't make him change, shine your eyes before entering 🔥
😎😎😎😎
Exactly! Poster, follow your mind. Someone that is not spending for you now won't change overnight in marriage.
DeleteNext time channel your prayers more for yourself. Nothing is wrong if you also get a juicy jobs cos some men aren't worth praying for
God bless u.ordinart 200 naira.tufiakwa.
DeletePoster, you can not jealous. You are not wishing him bad.
ReplyDeleteI don't like to be around people that mock my dreams or make me feel inferior and as sson as I notice their character, I break away from them. Whether joke or not, "as a man thknketh in his heart, so is he".
Don't go into marriage with this feeling of hate and resentment and bitterness. What are you in a hurry for? Pray, work hard, pursue your dreams and God will bless your heart. YOU DO NOT NEED THE VALIDATION OF ANY MAM. YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN TO COMPLETE YOU.
Stay on your own for now, and work hard to make your dreams come true. Don't go into a situation you will regret.
Stella and other BVs will make light of your feelings and tell you it's nothing but a man that talks anyhow to you before marriage will talk worse to you after. Marry someone who builds with his words, who edifices, and who constantly pushes you to achieve your dreams. This is the kind of person that you will get a high paying job and he will tell you to stop working and he will be very stingy to you.
Make your own way in life.
God bless you.
Thank you. This is not a little issue.
DeleteThank you. God bless you 15:27. THis has little or nothing to do with your self esteem. Go with your gut instinct. Not when you get married and you find yourself in a situation you cant help (eg loss of job or you added weight due to childbirth) The way he will insult you, death will look more appealing. Choose someone that either supports your dream or keeps quiet while you pursue them!
DeleteThanks for this anon.
DeleteTake this.
I personally cannot marry a man who talks down on me.
God bless you anon15.37 and bless all that's yours. Poster pls follow this advise
DeleteAnon you have adviced her and described her boyfriend well. The issue is not small to me. I see no reason why anyone should mock anybody's dream constantly. He may have gotten the job on merit or by your prayers either way 200 naira is not entitlement mentality. He has just given you an introduction to his stinginess but instead of you to leave him and work on yourself, pray as you dey pray to be blessed and meet a guy that will support you with mouth and actions, you are gathering hate. Do yourself a favour and realise that if you continue this way you will end up bitter and it won't affect him. Highest he will still use your bitter state to mock you and tell you it is all jokes.
DeleteAda.
Most reasonable comment yet!
DeleteWell done Ada.
I had a boyfriend that was unemployed because immediately anything enters, it will be all about me. That’s what love should be. He knows her situation and is stingy and equally emotionally abusive to her. Girl don’t go into what you will regret forever. This is not about sense of humor at all. If you think you hate him now, wait until you have married him and all those wicked attributes of his becomes magnified. Please follow your heart nobody will be there when you begin to suffer. 23 is not too old by the way.
DeleteI meant 15:27 🤦🏽♀️
DeletePoster take this advice, a spouse is supposed to be supportive towards our dreams and not discourage you. he's supposed to be empathetic to your job plight and not mock you. Which kyn yeye joke...infact there are some things that shouldn't be joked with. That's how one guy from this blog called my job a one one naive inec job just cause I was busy at work, I just deleted his ass. You dont need such negative person around you. To top it all he's even stingy. Tufia
DeleteHahahaha @Midé..I also meant anon 15:27. I just hoped everyone would know I was referring to her.
DeleteAda.
But not because oo...
Deletea lady only love a guy when she knows she can be secured financially..poster move on..it was just a matter of time before you dump him,just that the blessings came so fast so you changed your mind.if that man was earning 10k and you prayed and things did not change,i bet you woupd have dumped him and blame him for the cause. just move on..plsss.
ReplyDeleteyou already hate him but you dont want to think straighy becos money is involved now.move on.concentrate on yourself and make your own money.
Money that shes not seeing...
DeleteSome men earning less than 100k sef will treat their woman better than some men that earn one million.
Yes God answered her prayers and blessed her fiancé, God works like that. Why was he not blessed before she started praying for him? Sometimes stella’s comments on chronicles just drives me mad 😡.Poster you did nothing wrong but LOVE AN INGRATE.
ReplyDeleteYou are not the only one. Some of the things I read on this blog, Jesus! One of the ways I knew my husband was the one, was cos God answers him speedily whenever he talks to God about me. When we weren't yet married, there were times I would pray and I'd hear the Spirit of God tell me to call this man and tell him. These were things that he couldn't sort out, so it's not like I needed money and the logical thing to do was to ask him. I even used to get offended cos I'd be like, "But God, I am Your child and we're not quarrelling. So, why can't You answer me everytime without this guy getting involved?" My husband is very calm, not the kind that some will call a jim-jim Christian, oh! As far as I know, he doesn't even speak in tongues. So, I was like, "How?" But I learned to relax when I discovered the same thing was happening to him. Even now, there is NOTHING my husband prays for me about that I don't get, and vice versa. Even with speaking engagements I'm paid to do in different towns, I ask him to pray for me. If he tells me it will go well, it happens. Yes, I'm very educated and have a brain.
DeleteThe one that shook me was that the one time in my life I went somewhere without telling him, I nearly didn't return. And it's not like I was doing anything bad, oh! But I was kidnapped, drugged and poisoned. I nearly died. It's God that saved me.
In the Bible, Rebecca's womb was opened AFTER Isaac entreated God! Was Rebecca not of the house of Laban? Did she not know how to pray by herself? Why did God not answer her before Isaac prayed? Did Isaac have two heads?
But Nigerians will be playing with their destinies. Claiming God doesn't answer one person cos of another. Or they will open eye and marry someone releasing curses over them, and say it's just yab.
True, I believe there are people that can help to pray someone out of situations and there are certain people that we can help to pray for as well. 👏👏👏
Delete@anon 15:30
DeleteI felt same way
But then again we all cant think alike
Chei 16:15! 👏👏👏👏
DeleteMy dear you are still young and have lots of opportunities
ReplyDeleteDont be with a man that has a low view of you
There are some thing you dont joke with
He would keep ridiculing you till you loose you self esteem and start doubting yourself
200k is not much, you can easily earn twice that if you remain focused and develop yourself
Be with a man that encourages and supports your monthly 5k, 10k or whatever you earn
If you start earning above him tomorrow, he would frustrate you.
His ego would be shattered, he can dump all the responsibilities on you and wont rest till you get broke
20k is a start. Dont be with someone you have to constantly prove yourself to.
Pray for yourself even more than you prayed for him
If you must marry him, then have a serious conversation about this issue
He has to stop.
It might look small now, but trust me, marriage magnifies issues.
Exactly. My point exactly.
DeleteRSQ, 💪👏👏👏👏
Gbam RSQ God bless you
DeletePoster, take this too.
DeleteHi, RSQ,
DeletePlease open your eyes and be sure of what you're going into so you don't regret it tomorrow.
ReplyDeletePoster pls 🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃
DeletePoster, the worst thing that can happen to you is to marry a stingy man. If you try it you'll be miserable all your life. You better dump that man that can't encourage you and support you financially. How can someone who loves you continue 'joking' in a way that annoys you constantly and knowingly? For your mental health sake leave that man. Learn to be in a relationship that gives you peace and makes you happy.
ReplyDeleteStella please being told by someone you're about to marry, that you won't achieve your dream is not a laughing matter. It's not something to even joke about.
ReplyDeletePoster, do NOT marry this man. He is showing you his real self now, oh! This is why I hate public proposal, it puts the woman under pressure. A marriage proposal isn't used to fix bad or abusive relationships. All is not well inside but a man will bring ring to a public place, and people will start clapping and cheering. Then, if it doesn't work out, world people who have seen video will start counting fiances for a woman that was on her own. Better let him go, so he can marry those whose dreams he likes. Your resentment is because your spirit knows you're about to make a serious mistake, from which you will NOT recover. Nobody is perfect but a man who talks down on you, is not husband material. Only 200K is making him crazy. If he ever sees 2m, you will be packed out of the house with nothing but the clothes you're wearing, on an okada. Poster, tell your parents you have changed your mind and don't let anyone pressure you into a bad marriage you will regret. The man you're trying to marry, will not change. He will break you. Marriage is hard work even when you're in love and with someone who supports you. Yet, you're with someone whose idea of yab is to be releasing curses over your life regularly.
Let this be a lesson to those who tap into what they don't know when they see public proposal.
poster if you gave ears listen to this ohh
DeleteThank you for this advise. Marriage is not dating so what you cannot take now you better avoid it. Trust me, he might not change after marriage. So people do but many dont. Words hurt badly......keeps replaying in your brain.
DeletePartners should encourage each other and not hurt................being sensitive to word said matters.
My husband once called me an idiot! I did not cry but confronted him immediately never to try that with me again and asked why he's married to an idiot...............he hated his words that day.
So, sit and process it; can you take more insults from him? Do you think he will change? If his family is so much burden on his finances, can you cope since he does not even drop shishi now?
You need to also focus your prayers on YOU and get YOU a good job.
Also poster, God may have answered your prayer to show you the real heart of this man. If he didn't have, you might have convinced yourself that he doesn't give cos he doesn't have. Or that it's frustration making him talk a certain way. So my dear, your prayers are not wasted. Many times, our prayers are answered, we just might not like the answer or it might not come in the way/container we think it should. That a mother blesses a marriage, doesn't mean God's Hands are in it. Someone's mother can approve of their partner, yet God is saying, "Never!" and vice versa.
DeletePoster, as much as your current situation is making you think you don't have much to offer, you are wrong. God has already picked your husband and when you meet him, you'll know. There will be certain things you've never said to anybody that you desire deeply, that will come out of his mouth. Don't play yourself, you're not allowed to marry just anybody.
You have spoken O BV 15:33. Let them that have 👂s open them wide and assimilate.
DeleteDon't marry him if you're in doubt..
ReplyDeleteSimple!It's a no brainer.
DeleteShikenah!
DeleteThere is a thing called stinginess! Poster hes not going to change in marriage. Be guided!
ReplyDeletePls do not marry him till he matures. pls pls and pls. Pray for God to bless you too. He seems stingy
ReplyDeleteMummy you are the problem here,probably you are not happy he got a job of 200k and you are still doing your 20k job..cos this your story is a very silly one and an immature one at that.
ReplyDeleteIdi stupid.so u earn 200k and can't give ur gf 200 naira?i am a guy i don't even earn that much but i give my fiance 10k monthly for her upkeep.
Deletesilly comment
DeleteFollow follow bvs. As una mama don talk, everybody don face one way.
ReplyDeletePoster, I pity you if you don't run from the guy.
girls/women/lady should limit the way they pray for their husband/boyfriend/side boo. Some of them are ingrates. Let us learn how to pray for ourselves. Let them use their mouths or allow their mothers to do the prayers for them.
ReplyDeleteFew years back, I do pray hard and have dreams for my boyfriend. He was flourishing while I earned just 20k. The mumu in me won't pray for myself. One day, We had a fight and he said I do fake my dreams and my prayers are not the ones working for him. He later apologised but I stopped praying for him.
I brought all the fasting,praying and dreaming into my case. Just few weeks after this, I started earning close to 75k per month. His business is still there. What I noticed is that anytime I am with him, he will beg me to pray for him, as in, he always ask me to lay my hands on him and pray. Sometimes I answer some times I won't. Sometimes I beat him to his game and tell him to pray for me before he asks. If he asked me if I prayed for him in my morning prayers, I tell him that we all have the grace to talk to God personally.
he knows what led to my non-challant attitude and he is changing.
If someone is making fun of you to the point that it hurts and you talk to them about it and they refuse to stop that is not someone for you. Respect is so important in a marriage if he doesn't respect you now when will he respect you. How can he claim to love you and not want to ease your burden? That he has a lot and you have very little and he knowingly doesn't even want to share with you even when you ask speaks volumes. I do not know any man who loves a woman who refuses her anything he can easily give. My dear at 23 you have youth on your side and there is enough time to start over. You cannot marry a man who puts no value on you neither can you marry a man you hate. Set yourself free and find someone who cherishes and adores you.
ReplyDeletePoster pls do not a try a man who doesn't edify you with his words. The job if a husband is to be the head and protector of the home and no the tormentor of his wife.
ReplyDeleteAlready he is putting you down with his words before marriage and he feels like it is pressure to take care of you....poster don't open your eyes and enter one chance ooo.
It is not just a joke for a man to look down on your dreams, if he isn't supporting you now he won't support you after marriage.
Ask for more time to think about everything and if your heart is not angry with him,then please don't marry him....Take out time to pray for yourself and for a man who will lift you with his words.
LEP😛
1 million likes @ anon 16:20
DeleteYou better run as fast as your legs can carry you. How would you open your eyes and marry someone who does not want your progress?
ReplyDeleteHer story isn't silly or immature.a man that can not pay common subscription for a girl he wish to marry is stingy.my hubby before I got married gives me at least 10k every month I was even working in a bank then n he earns about 200k then.stingy people are the worst people to b with.som1 that also doesn't believe in you will rubbish ur self esteem it will even get worse with time.
ReplyDeleteMy advise is sit him down and talk to him if u see changes you can go ahead and also pray about it
People coming for the poster i dont understand you all. It clearly shows that the poster's fiance is stingy. She is not silly neither is she jealous or immature. She is just pouring out her worries. Poster simply put your fiance is self centred and stingy and if you preserve you will still find a man that will treat you better. Good luck
ReplyDeleteGod no give me this kind of woman that will hate me insidiously.
ReplyDeleteDon't do what will make her hate you.
DeleteThank you Anon. Instead of Don to castigate the stingy and emotionally abusive man, he's saying another thing.
DeleteI am sorry,but l don’t find what your fiancé said funny.I don’t think i will take that distasteful joke.Too expensive.It goes to show you will hear worse when you marry him.His words are supposed to build your self confidence more and not mock you.You are already sad with your low paying job,he doesn’t need to add salt to injury.He earns 200k and he can’t do anything for you?,please Poster,the guy is stingy.Dont Rush to get married to him,reevaluate your feelings and make a decision.
ReplyDeleteYou are even working and he is making tasteless jokes,if you no come get work nko?you go hear nwiiiii.
The heart wants what it wants.At the end of the day,the decision is entirely yours to make.
God bless you dear
DeleteYou wrote well, he is not a good guy abeg
Deletei don't understand this one that you are emphasising you prayed for him, so you prayed for God to bless someone more than you?. You need that prayer now
ReplyDeletePoster dont ever marry that guy.He is a toxic ,manipulative bastard.Your man should build you up and not talk you down.He is very stingy and doesn't deserve you.That you have to beg him for paltry N200 to sub is a testimony to his selfishness.He shouldn't orsinarily wait for you to ask him b4 he knows you need to sub.I cant imagine not chatting with my woman for half a day.There's no need hating him babe.Just kick his butt out of your life.He thinks he has arrived bcos he earns 200k.Build yourself ,increase ur skills and you could earn much more.God can even bring a guy earning 2m monthly who is generous ur way.Cancel the intro immediately.That dude doesn't deserve you at all.All d best baby.Love u.
ReplyDeleteBest comment ever!!!!
DeleteThank you, Bestman. Poster, please and please, don't marry that man! He's stingy, selfish, and emotionally abusive. He would become much worse if you marry him
DeleteThis guy you are funny. You must be very emotional, you even added Love you
DeleteMy dear if this guy keeps mocking you despite d fact that he knows you don't like it run o, if he earns that amount n he can't give you anything pls run o love is not selfish
ReplyDeleteaunty, if your prayer the work wonders why you no pray for ur self
ReplyDeleteStella, I think you focused on one side of her complaint. It is painful to see someone who should push you and support you, drag you down and offer zero support and say it is a joke. How can a man who wants to marry a woman not see that she is struggling and offer help where necessary? Instead he says he is under pressure when she asks for help, mocks her and calls it a joke.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, the fact that you resent him this much is a reason not to proceed with the marriage plans. It will get worse when you marry him. If he is unwilling to make any changes now, it will not change when you marry him. Some men like it when their women are helpless and constantly on her knees. Except you want to be subject to a miserable life, please do not marry this person.
Poster don't ever mind these people that said you are jealous. Your fears are valid.
ReplyDeleteNo.1 Don't ever marry someone that's stingy, you will get old overnight and end up carrying the house with the money you earn. My husband earns way more than me and I have the bank card to his account. I contribute when I can and I take from his account when I can. This is marriage and everyone should be open.
2) Stay away from anyone that puts your self esteem down. My husband and I crack jokes and yab each other but yabbing get boundary. Everyone needs support and encouragement from at least people that claim they love them.
Talk to him about your fears and see what he says.
Poster if you are below 25 pls leave him but if you are more than 25 go ahead and marry him...To get husband is not easy especially with Nigeria economy.. Click on SDK single and mingle and see how many ladies looking for husband....
ReplyDeletePoster, don't mind this silly Anon 17.56. There are many fishes in the ocean. When you dump this wrong passenger that you are carrying, your God-given spouse would show up. Whenever or not you are 25 and below is irrelevant when marriage is concerned. Haven't you heard of people who rushed into marriage in their early 20s and ended up separated with children before 28 years. Don't you think that such a person would wish she took her time to marry well .
DeleteStella and most of the bvs are wrong today. A man with whom you started when he had nothing, should be jumping at every opportunity to give you the world. He shouldn't even wait for you to ask. Why should he make jest of you? Why should he ridicule your dream? What the hell does he mean by 'you're putting pressure on him' when you guys should be planning how his (Our) money will be utilised each month ? All these raise a red flag. You are too young to enter into a union that will fill you with resentment and regret.
ReplyDeleteIf you can, talk to your parents about your worries and tell them you are not sure yet, postpone for about 6 MONTHS and watch his attitude and your feelings too.
Observe him very closely, and be sure you can deal with his stingy, conceited ways. This is not an issue to be taken lightly, sometimes people don't just get it. I was in a similar situation like you sometime back. Talk to him about it also. It is important, or watch him for a month. Deliberately request for a reasonable sum like 10k, that you want to use it to buy a dress and shoes, or you want to change your phone. Watch his response and reaction. NEVER GO INTO A UNION WHEN YOU HAVE NAGGING DOUBTS!!!!!!! RESOLVE THEM FIRST!!!!!!! it will be really pitiable for you to fall into a pit with your eyes open. If a man cannot support your dreams, love you with his resources and respect you when you ask him for things, he isn't an ideal partner. All the best lady.
My boyfriend lost his job and when we were gisting one day, I told him I needed some money for clothes as I didn't have enough. This guy said babe I have 10k, can you manage it? I didn't even ask him. I turned down his offer cuz I knew if he had given me that money, he would have suffered through the month. His sacrifice touched my heart. You can't be with a man who will not show you love with his resources and his words. He must be selfless and willing to give the world to you if he has it. This guy doesn't love you. He is selfish and self-centered. I don't know if that is the kind of man you desire as a life partner for life.
ReplyDeleteThat's such a touching gesture from him, and you were also considerate in not taking it. God bless you both.
DeleteIf I were you, I would not stay a second extra in that relationship, let alone consider marriage . You don't kick someone who is already down, especially someone you claim to love and call it a joke. That's verbal abuse...anyway I'm not you, so weigh your options carefully and logically think about marriage with this unsupportive, tasteless joke telling man
ReplyDeleteHonestly I've read some really irritating comments here
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering why they're coming for her
Too many hypocrites on here whereas some of them are even doing worse.
Poster run for your life!
ReplyDeleteDon't be like me, married and living in so much pain. I'll give anything to be single again.
We see these signs but somehow we turn a blind eye to them thinking that things will change but sorry to tell you this:IT ONLY GETS WORSE
My horseband had the same attributes: dark humour, stingy even to himself (earns over 300k but mattress is on the floor, in fact, this house is worse than a struggling student's house) with plenty dependent relatives.
I lost my job and he opened his mouth one day to tell me that I've finished using the cologne(I bought it myself o cos smelling good is not in his dictionary) even though I'm not working. I pretended as if I didn't hear it but my spirit was crushed that whole day.
I have too many stories but the bottom line is that "love gives",encourages, nurtures etc.
I've been truly loved so I appreciate the difference, you'll have peace and not resentment.
If you decide to stick around, he might pretend and once he marries you, his true colours will start showing and tbh, getting a divorce is not easy.
Don't allow anyone pressure you into marrying someone you resent.
I hope you find everlasting happiness and peace.
Poster your man is probably just immature and not evil. Take some time to explain to him that u need him to stop and you also TrY to be less sensitive. I'm sarcastic and so I understand the plight of someone that might say "funny" things and sometimes miss the matrk without meaning to hurt. Look at the way he treats you after u complain if he's making an effort and fetching better, forgive him and continue. Both of you are young
ReplyDeleteWords from a loved one should not be insensitive, hurtful or selfish
DeleteA lot of men actually don't know how to bridle their tongue and foolishly talk anyhow
It starts from childhood when boys are not trained to be sensitive to others
However as they grow observation and sense should have shaped them better
Ladies never marry an inconsiderate or selfish man
My dear if he is verbally abusing you now it will only get worse after marriage. Follow your instinct. It won't lie to you. You know something is wrong. I was verbally abused before marriage. I shoved it aside but since marriage it only got worse up to the extent of beating. Warn yourself girl
ReplyDeleteThank you for all the advises I got on this,he has good attribute but though painful and difficult to admit, its true I have lost my self worth and made myself vulnerable while loving him.
ReplyDeleteIts not abt feeling entitled,i prayed hard for him knowing where he was coming from, we started 300l
Not jealous of somebody I love like myself..I Dont knw also why God hasn't done mine yet, but I realised yesterday this isn't what I wanted.
We are best friends and he has hurt me.. "You don't have brain for maths that's why u no fit pass simple test".. Smiles.
I decided last night, to call everything off. I don't knw if it would be my greatest regret but my self esteem is almost zero, I want to work on myself
I spoke to him abt yabbing me didn't stop, helping me with 10k once but it led to arguement that he has plans for the future for two of us .I should be patient and not pressure him.
Av informed his siblings and send him a voice msg,I would send the ring back through his cousin God grant me courage, its in my best interest
Pray for God to bless you more than you imagine - You deserve to be blessed, put your needs first - It does not mean you are selfish - It means you are learning to love and respect yourself.
DeleteIf he can use words to undermine you - Your heart is telling you that you deserve to be loved. But first learn to love yourself - All the best in life young lady.
Wow. This is just too much.May God see you through babe.
ReplyDelete