STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHEN THE PASTOR SAYS NO TO MARRIAGE
Hello Stella,
I have been an ardent visitor since 2011 and I really want to commend you for all the good that you do.
Please, I would love your advice and that of fellow blog visitors concerning an issue my friend is having.
She has been going out with (let's call him Peter) for over a year now. Three months into the relationship, Peter told her that he was married before (traditional marriage only) but the marriage lasted only a few months.
He accused the girl ( his ex- wife) of domestic violence and lesbianism. Though, he admits the union produced a child which he formerly denied and now he has been making efforts to be in the child's life but the ex-wife and her family are frustrating his efforts. The ex-wife's family has already returned her dowry and wants nothing with Peter anymore likewise Peter and his family.
Now, the issue is that Peter has proposed to Mary( my friend) but she is so confused because she sees getting Married to him as adultery which her pastor confirmed and even though she is so in love with Peter she is scared of eternal damnation because of someone's else mistake.
Please, Stella and bvs your pieces of advice are urgently needed. It will really be helpful if you can back it up with scriptural passages. Thanks.
Adultery how?I dont get it!!!
Now, the issue is that Peter has proposed to Mary( my friend) but she is so confused because she sees getting Married to him as adultery which her pastor confirmed and even though she is so in love with Peter she is scared of eternal damnation because of someone's else mistake.
Please, Stella and bvs your pieces of advice are urgently needed. It will really be helpful if you can back it up with scriptural passages. Thanks.
Adultery how?I dont get it!!!
Was the bride price returned?
ReplyDeleteWhich eternal damnation? , when dowry has been returned, all these over religious and over spiritual people sef, I just don't understand.
DeleteYour friend is not ready to marry at all. When she is ready she knows what to do. Pastor say pastor said. She should continue.
DeleteStella I heard today that good relationships prolong longevity. I also heard that lack of love can make one age faster. Hmmmm, that's a very big lesson to me oo, I have been so scared to date lately. I lack love and now I am scared of aging faster. Sister better marry who you love.
DeleteOnce a Christian has been married once, whether traditional/court/white, you can only remarry after your spouse dies. You can divorce o, if the person cheats on you but cannot remarry until your ex-husband or ex-wife dies. Christian marriage is TILL DEATH* DO US PART. Please use Google for the supporting Bible passages...
Delete“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
DeleteLUKE 16:18 AMP
Poster, denying is child is a red flag and you didn't write anywhere that you made enquiry about him and the real cause of him leaving his wife.
Abeg return his ring.
If the ex refuses to die so the partner should live a wasted life. In a situation the wife was proven to be promiscuous after marriage, I mean correct adultery with her boss just few months in to the marriage and packed out a month after Birthing their first child together and moved into another house rented by her boss for her, the man should still waste his life for adulterous woman.
DeletePlease let your friend marry the man, they shall not be condemned I beg.
Abeg I follow Stella ask how? The girl's family returned her dowry? Which dowry? What a complicated chronicle!
ReplyDeleteMaybe she meant bride price tho
DeleteIsn't dowry paid as part of tradiontal marriage rights?
DeleteInstead of you to read and understand
You're being quick to comment .
@anon 15:52, you are too quick to comment that you can't spell "traditional" correctly. btw, go check up the meaning of dowry in your dictionary and thank me later. dummy!
Delete@anon 15:52, you are too quick to comment that you can't spell "traditional" correctly. btw, go check up the meaning of dowry in your dictionary and thank me later. dummy
DeleteAlso, has she made enquiries as to what really happened or is she just content to accept the man's explanation? So that shr will not enter another situationship.
ReplyDeleteMost importantly, she is a Christian. Pray and fast. Hear what God is saying not what yout pastor says. Whatever decision you make, ensure you are guided divinely.
Tell your friend to tell her guy she does not want the spirit of lesbianism that he has probably contracted from sleeping with his ex wife to cling to her too. So therefore, she cannot marry him. Simple! The guy doesn’t sound like a good guy to me. His stories might be false or twisted. If his ex was a lesbian, why did he deny the child at first? What? He thought it might somehow belong to his ex’s Lesbian lover? To me, his accusations of his ex sound “cliche”. They all claim that women are cheats or that they sleep around. He just added “jara” to his epistle and included a lesbian tale. I can see through all of that. An irresponsible father would not make a responsible husband. Poster, tell your friend to dig deeper into what really transpired between her man and his ex. Not only that, dig into his past relationships too. Sounds like he has things he’s hiding....... Just Saying.
Delete@Anonymous 22:47, even a blind man can tell you're a bitter female. I also know you'd come and tell us you're a man. But dont worry, we know you're a bitter female.
DeleteEeyah !Mary should have just stayed with Joseph
ReplyDelete😁
DeleteYou are right. Joseph never did her wrong. Even when she carry belle from outside , Joseph protected her. It's well
Deletea man who once denied his child only to say he has later is a man not to be trusted. He probably told the lady his side of his former marriage.
ReplyDeleteSo true.
DeleteI totally agree. He might truly love her but he has a lot of baggage. Denying your offspring is a big red flag for me.
DeleteSometimes what the woman involved did may make the man to be in doubt of parternity.
DeleteÀWỌN óbirn mi married for the wrong reasons, they still want to keep their maga
yemi you get sense well.
DeleteUnknown, your head dey there!!
DeleteIf the man involved was a prince in England or related to Dangote, would her pastor still call it adultery?
ReplyDeleteAre you minding her and her business Centre pastor.
DeleteBest comment ever I swear 🤣🤣
DeleteYes,marrying a divorcé is committing adultery. Bible support divorce only if both parties will be separated and remain single. Anything outside this is pure adultery and attract eternal damnation.
ReplyDeleteSimple.
Abeg shift. What nonsense.
DeleteDid u read that part of returning the dowry? That act has dissolved the marriage. It is null and void. It is not adultery. But then, before u throw the first stone, check urself. Do you obey the bible commandments? If not? Don't judge others
DeleteCause you don't agree doesn't mean you should condemn by calling it nonsense , why be so crass ?
DeleteHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha *laughs in diamond engagement ring* 🤣🤣😋💍
DeleteIt takes who has knowledge to impact knowledge... study God's word concerning this
DeleteWhy are they calling it nonsense? Poster needed advise based on scriptures so if you don't know scriptures just zip it
DeleteGuys please is it civilization or modernization that is giving you people to effontry to refer to the word of God as 'nonsense'?
DeleteThat most of us do not measure up to it doesn't make it any less the Truth, and the standard set for us(Christians)
The Bible did not mention anything about dowry being returned or not. It's just that the kind of Christianity we all practice today is about accepting the part that appeals to us...
mama mia, why will the bible mention dowry? what that what your parents practiced? You people are brainwashed with religion. The oyibos that gave you religion aint doing it like you
Deletebut that amara woman, messenger of God is married how many times...mtchewww
DeleteBut Bible mentioned in the case of adultery the husband should issue a divorce certificate and he is free .
DeleteFor some people it easier said than done, until they found any of their family wasting away and they will be it doesn't matter. Eku ìṣe
Mama Mia, you earned my respect. Good one.
Deleteyemi you know the only practise Malachi 3:10.
DeleteAnony 21:42 àbí o. Practice only what suits them
DeleteI can comfortably tell you that, based on the tradition and custom of the land as far as the dowry has been returned, the marriage is automatically desolved both in heaven and on Earth. Mr Peter is very single right now. But what is bothering me is if Mr Peter is a good man, this one he is accusing his ex-wife of domestic violence and lesbianism. I will advise you to slow down a bit and find out the actual reason his first marriage broke up. Cheers. It will surely end in praise. Good luck
ReplyDeleteShe is not asking advice based on tradition but based on scriptures. Get that?
Deletesince he hasn't wedded in Church before,She should go ahead to wed in church since the bride price has been returned.
DeleteYour friend, doesn't she know how to pray? She can ask questions and then sit and take her decisions. Does he have a certificate to show he was married before?
ReplyDeleteDo they issue certificate for traditional marriage?
DeleteThe pastor gave his advice based on scripture..He is not allowed to remarry except the wife is dead.
ReplyDeleteExactly people need to learn to argue intelligently
DeletePastor's advise was based on the biblical point of view .
We are all different .
Thank you, even the poster said she wants scriptural backing on the advise BVs will give. I don't even know why would she come on a blog for scriptures...she knows the truth, that is why she is busy asking questions upandan
DeleteWe Nigerian Christians can pick battles sha. Many Christian groups do not recognize traditional marriage as sanctioned by God. This is why people are told to go to church for a blessing or a wedding. The Catholic church is very clear that traditional marriage is not real. Rather, it supports you doing it so there won't be problems with the family later because too many marriages have faced problems because there was no trad. wedding or bride price paid. Other churches have a similar view. But when people who did only traditional want to divorce, the same groups that said it was unholy want to the rules of Christianity to apply. Let's make up our minds, biko. Either you accept our traditions or you don't.
Deleteanon you re right. m
DeleteMadam i remember your story few months back - this is the guy who lives in the abroad (one of those african countries) your sister introduced you to - who hid the fact he is was previously married from you - you found out months after and then he came up with the story that shes not wife material etc then you found out on your own again that wife is pregnant - he denied he is responsible for the pregnancy - you also complained this dude only calls you on whatsapp and doesnt give you money - that was where your chronicle ended
ReplyDeleteI can see that village people are using trumpet to be calling your name to this marriage - dont worry , continue chooking head with this man - the thing you are looking for, you will find - you never marry you don send 2 chronicle!!
Normally i would say avoid pastors and their prophesies but on this occasion, even a blind man will tell you that this guy is bad news but me oh, i will continue drinking my palmy and minding my biz
You are so sure it’s the same lady.
DeleteOh wow.
DeleteEven if this story is not the same as the chronicle, Mr Peter is not ideal at all but she doesn't seem to mind that. Smh
I'm here to read comments. BTW her pastor didn't give her spiritual backing?
ReplyDeleteMust you bring pastor into everything? Are you and your friend so daft, you don't know or can't define adultery but had to wait for your pastor?
ReplyDeleteNo matter what you heard here, your pastor advice is what you will take at the end, so no need going any further.
Haaa! Which one be adultery again? Ndi bu church ⛪ n'isi abialaha. Abeg make I waka pass joor.
ReplyDeleteGuys stop confusing bride price for dowry please, we don't pay dowry, except for people who give their men money to come n marry them.
ReplyDeleteLet the man be abeg
ReplyDeleteThank goodness the signs are visible now
God never fails His own.
Ana akogheri. Adultery ko adultery ni. Mtscheew
ReplyDeleteI am more concerned with the baggage he's bringing not with your pastors opinion.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is if a situation is causing you doubts and discomfort you should get out of that situation. Marriage requires comfort, freedom and peace of mind in your spirit for it to flow smoothly. You cannot marry someone you are uncomfortable with and whose past you question. Let them go their own way in peace.
ReplyDeleteHoney, divorce is a controversial topic in christianity, moreso when the issue of remarriage is added. Different churches have different doctrines. Some churches forbid divorce simplicita, others reluctantly allow divorce but forbid remarriage until the ex partner dies. Some allow divorce and remarriage only on grounds of adultery or if the partner who is an unbeliever ends the marriage. The interesting aspect is, some churches don't regard traditional marriage without church wedding as a union in the eyes of God, some regard traditional marriage alone as binding, while some say that traditional marriage is to fulfill all righteousness so they insist on both, some churches wouldn't wed couples who haven't done the traditional marriage rites first. It depends on your church and your belief.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a woman of the cloth so I'm no authority on the Scriptures or Biblical principles, however, I will advise your friend to tread cautiously. Everyone deserves a second chance but she must be sure of what she's getting herself into. You need a certain kind of grace to marry a divorcee with a child or children, it's no walk in the pack. Their love may seem like the stars are aligned but reality kicks in when they become man and wife. Is she ready for the drama of an ex-wife and a stepson? Will she love her stepson and allow her hubby bound with his son, especially if they are ttc? She must go in with her eyes wide open.
Most divorcees are broken due to past experiences and some inadvertently transfer the aggression to their new partners. Some men and women will cuss out their exes and blame them for the breakdown of the marriage, only to get remarried and the new partner, much to his/her chargrin, discovers that their new partner is the devil in disguise. Don't be too quick to believe what you're told about an ex, do your due diligence. Sweetie please tell your friend that apart from her pastor's concerns, there are numerous other concerns she must address before she agrees to marry him.
e-hugs and kisses.
If this man were to be "Dangote's son" will anyone be talking about "adultery?"
ReplyDeleteNigerians and money
To me, the truth here is, if the traditional marriage dowry has been returned and the guy collected it and doesn't have anything to do with her again. That means they're single and can remarry again. That's no Adultery.
ReplyDeleteWhat does the bible say?
DeleteDid you confirm his claims of domesyic violence and lesbianism? I'ld be scared of a man that denied his own blood. Try getting in touch with the ex to hear her own side of the story.
ReplyDeleteDon't let anyone be the source of your sadness ooo,you can back out
ReplyDeleteThe girl sounds like a peaceful person.
ReplyDeleteThere was marriage here; payment of bride price is marriage.
She should put a break to
this marriage proposal and do her investigations with her family/pastor
and find out why the former marriage crashed: is the man telling the truth,
is he at fault; adultery, domestic violence etc.?
If it is any of the above, she should know that if the man has not repented
and imbibed discipline, it will still repeat itself.
If he has repented and the two families has agreed to end the marriage, yes God
hates divorce; Malachi 2:16 but adultery is the basis for a divorce Matthew 5:32
Send a friend to befriend his former wife or her mom and find out from her why her marriage crashed
ReplyDeleteWomen will always spill.
Case closed!
Matthew 5:31-32
ReplyDelete[31]It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
[32]But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
For court marriage, for traditional marriage or for white wedding? The bible was written with the jewish culture in mind, and all they did was traditional marriage. But this one that Nigerians do three marriages, I really don't know the answer for poster.
DeleteIt says, “saving for the case of formication”, which means that except in the case where that partner has committed fornication or adultery. So I think adultery breaks the cord that binds people together in marriage and once that cord has been broken, it defeats the purpose and nullifies it. So I think in such situations people can remarry.
DeleteBut this part of scriptures specifically said *her* so would we say its applicable only to females and the man is free to remarry?
DeleteYes 18:19. It says her so doesn’t apply to poster
DeletePoster live your life. I’m not a biblical purist. I believe the Bible was put together my humans. If your heart does not condemn, go for it even if you can’t find scripture to back you up. Marry the one you love. Paul said if the unbelieving spouse leaves then the believer is not bound. Your fiancé is not bound to stay single. She left in adultery. Read 1 cor 7:5
DeleteMark 10:2-12
ReplyDelete[2]And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
[3]And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
[4]And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
[5]And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
[6]But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
[7]For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
[8]And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
[9]What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
[10]And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.
[11]And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
[12]And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
This is God's stance for believers and the bible says that heaven and earth shall pass away but the word of the Lord remains the same
Dear Poster tell your friend to seek the face of God for herself and hear from God
If she really wants the will of God .
Your pastor that knows the scriptures told you no, and you're coming to the blog to ask advise based on scriptures? Scriptures from what na? Anyway let me try:
ReplyDeleteIf the other woman is dead then yes you can go ahead, but if she is still alive, nooooo you can't marry her divorced husband "Mark 10:2-12"
Now that is clear. Did you hear the part that you wrote up there: the man first didn't want anything to do with the child but later he realised himself and wanted to make things right but the girl's family aren't making things easy for him? Why would they make things easy for him, heee why? Are you even sure about this story he's feeding you with or love has blinded you? E go soon clear...if you like enter, na your one chance oo. Good luck, you will need it.
I actually pasted the bible passage n verse up there
DeleteSo people can read .
But one thing I know is most people practice selective doctrines ...
For me as a Christian this is my view, since they didn't Wed in church (that's before God) and also they weren't joined together by a priest or a pastor. Dissolving the marriage under the custom of the Land stands. That's by returning the brideprice, The man is single.
ReplyDeleteBut my worry is even the character of the man involved. I will fear a man who will deny his own blood anyday and anytime.
Let her be sure of what she's going into ooo!
Payment of bride price is marriage. But I used to think that returning of bride price is divorce, not annulment. Divorce and annulment are two different things. Divorce means marriage was valid but didn't work out. Annulment means marriage was null and void from the beginning and returns the couple to single never married status.
DeleteIf her bride price is returned, you can marry.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 16:02 I raise Beyonce hands up for you. Your head correct!! ThIs is the best thing you can do for yourself if you love yourself so much. Find out from the ex wife what kind of man he is, then make your decision based on your findings! !
ReplyDeleteHe has some drama and I’m not sure of him but scripture doesn’t stop you in this case. This is the verse you’re worried about Matthew 6:32
ReplyDeleteBut I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Bible says don’t add to scripture and don’t take out. That’s what revelation says. Here is says if you’re you can divorce on grounds of adultery. Sleeping with women outside your marriage is adulterous so your man had grounds to divorce. Then it says whoever marries her, commits adultery. Her not you so go ahead and marry him if you want
Abegi... That pastor dey eye your friend... A long as the bride price has been returned, there is nothing binding them together as a couple anymore. My only advice is for your friend to find out the actual cause of their separation because some men are worse than lai mohammed with their tales by moonlight. She should tread softly..
ReplyDeleteNonsense... My pastor said, my pastor said. .. That was how I got married to my useless ex because my mother's pastor said.
ReplyDeleteThis your story sounds like you are talking about someone who keeps telling everyone his ex wife is a lesbian and violent.
ReplyDeleteSister, better run for your life oo. That guy is a problem to himself.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteActually genuinely ask GOD
ReplyDeleteWithout idol in your heart
This man is already having issues that must be cleared from The Only One Who knows the End From the Beginning
Matt.19:9
ReplyDeletePLEASE MAKE DEEP INQUIRY BEFORE "I DO" TO AVOID STORY THAT TOUCH. MEN NOWADAYS LIES TOOOOO MUCH, THEY LATTER START FEELING AS IF THEY FAVOURED YOU BY MARRYING YOU. SO MANY WOMEN ARE SUFFERING OUT THERE BECAUSE OF LIES. MAKE YOUR FINDINGS MAY BE THROUGH SOMEONE CLOSE TO HIS EX. ALL THE BEST
ReplyDelete