Hmmmm.......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DISCONNECTED SPOUSES
I need advice, my husband doesn't eat at home, it wasn't like that before when there was no money but since he got the small money he has, he doesn't eat at home anymore except when he is broke although he gives money for cooking in the house, I just cook normal putting in mind that he doesn't eat. Now he is fond of buying stew, soup, rice, spag from all this big restaurant, he goes there to eat with his friends also, he even brings it home to store in freezer ( plenty packs ooo.
Now most time he is broke, he eats anything I cook without complaining but when he has money, that's when he will be giving rules of what is not good or good for the health ( he won't eat ooo but na so so complain). I know how to cook, so that isn't the problem, I think he likes wasting money. And also I always love when he doesn't sleep at home because nobody to complain about anything, ( he is a very busy person that doesn't spend time with me or the kids just once in a while with the kids but me ehn lailai but last last na complain).
I have complained tire, now I just love been alone without him.He might be cheating but I don't seem to care or feel jealous at all, I plan most things without him in it.
Pls advice me, because my sister said I am pushing my husband out because he doesn't eat or care about me but I don't feel that way at all. I have tried my best and I let him be. Sincere advice...
Pls advice me, because my sister said I am pushing my husband out because he doesn't eat or care about me but I don't feel that way at all. I have tried my best and I let him be. Sincere advice...
*This is strange because even relatives living together communicate more.I am not asking you to snoop ooooooo but find out if he is having an affair because this is the format.....Watch him and you will find the answer.....I didnt say snoop ooooooooooooo *side eyes*
A strange women is fingering your husband.
ReplyDeleteOr poster cannot cook.
DeleteSic. spanner
Delete"a strange women ...fingering?"
So where fingering come enter this tori up there eh, nwanyi Pharisee?😲😲😲😲
Make you come back o, come tell us wetin you carry that ya finger dey for
A WOMAN (or is it persin horseband)wey make you dey yarn utaba this afternoon.
This ya gist never finish o, onye isi ndi Herodians na Saducees. 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
This one weak me dyee. Two strangers living together while claiming couple.
DeleteYour husband has poverty mentality thats why he behaves in such manner... just ignore him and live your best life .
DeleteThere are some people that think they can cook well but they cook nonsense, maybe u are one of them.
DeleteManage manage life isnt for your hubby, why don't you try and upgrade, he obviously likes some kind of class which he is trying to get you accustomed to, na just money dey yab am.
DeleteWhy don't you try and brush yourself up.
I am not in anyway trying to put you down but I.think you should try and upgrade yourself in general (your cooking, looks, environment) be pleasing enough to make him want to come home.
DeleteMy hubby knows i can never disappoint so he takes me wherever, whenever except I am not interested in going.
Make your company enjoyable
Stell you dey talk with both side of mouth.. my sister your husband obviously get wife outside. Try seat him down to talk. Or my sister plan your exist.
DeleteBabe try and talk with him. Infact seek his opinion on what to cook. When he is around playfully tell him to cook for the family. Get all the ingredients and encourage him to make the meal. Well that's what i do in my home. Hubby has kitchen on sundays,anything he makes or buys we eat and hail him.
Deleteyou guys think if you upgrade that will avoid cheating or abuse? If that’s the issue why doesn’t he just TELL her? I hate his rubbish victim blaming Nigerians do
DeleteWhen men start habitually complaining, many times it means there is a sidepiece one corner servicing them.
DeleteI used to work for a rich pharmacist, he produces drugs in Benin. He never eats at home except on Sunday and you know what, the wife is a well known caterer very popular in Edo and Delta. Very rich ans tush people. They have absolute understanding. The man goes out very early and return at night, infact if the couple meet during the day they enjoy the delicacy the husband bought out together.
DeleteYou people probably lack understanding. Food for an average educated couple in this 21st century should not be a basis for quarrels. But you probably married a barely educated or compassionate man. Also since he likes buying rice n spaghetti outside, you should probably learn through YouTube how to prepare them not cos of him but cos you want to clear your conscience that you can cook. I think he buys in bulk to pepper you.
No matter what, never let food cause problems. Don't be afraid to try varieties, you'll be amazed at how much you can do.
I think you should take some cookery lessons cos e be like say na manage your Hubby been dey manage your cooking and now he can afford good cooking, of course he buys from the outside. Lots of people think they can cook well but the truth is, they cant.
ReplyDeleteOh please! Do you think if she cooks the food he’ll stay at home? Next thing he’ll say it’s because she smells like Maggi. We need to stop blaming women for their husband’s transgressions
DeleteWhats marriage without communication?
DeleteIf trully he doesnt find her food appetizing, how hard is it for him to help her adjust? Even if it means enrolling her in catering school...
Hes good at complaining, & he hasnt complained about her cooking so far.
I know men that their wives doesn't cook well,but still prefers to eat at home.So that's not even an excuse.However or whatever your wife cooks ,you eat it with love.Madam your husband is probably cheating.
DeleteI don't know what is really wrong with marriages these days. Poster I will advise you to seat your husband down and ask him what he is getting outside that is not inside the house. If you are the nagging type please stop it, allow him to win most arguments even if he is wrong. If he is playing draft outside, learn how to play it so that you guys can play it together. If it is alcohol he is drinking outside, learn how to drink it no matter how small so that you guys can drink it together. If it is sex he is getting outside, improve on your sex skill. I pray you find peace in your home. Good luck
DeleteWoman go turn mumu becos she is married
DeleteA loving husband will not abandone is wife because of food instead they will both seek a better remedy for her. Why does he eat it when he is broke. Poster snoop but before you do ask yourself if you are ready for your findings. If he is not cheating then sit down with him for serious discussion about being wasteful and not spending enough time with you could kill the love you both have for each other.
DeleteIf you talk= nag
DeleteIf you don’t talk= doormat
You guys would rather blame women than their abusers. Rubbish
17:34 I follow you wonder oo. Learn to drink to please an overgrown baby?
DeleteThis man simply as other things that interests him. He complains all the time because madam poster is not meeting up & she can't kill herself to satisfy him because he'll always complain.
Your husband is a narcissist !
Blessed Princess even though you gave some good advice, I will like to correct your flawed thinking that the woman is likely the cause of the problem. You say you don't know what is wrong with marriages, marriages break because people just refuse to be kind, patient, loyal, loving and selfless with one another. People choose to complain, blame and point fingers rather than communicate their needs lovingly and respectfully. Like 7Up said up there, a man who loves his wife will not eat her food when there's no money and complain when there is, buy food outside to spite her instead of lovingly correcting her or trying to find a remedy if her cooking is a problem, refuse to spend time with her as his wife and complain about her shortcomings. This is why the two of you are married - to build each other up in the areas where you fall short. But how many are doing this? This husband isnt. BOTH parties need to have the right perspective to issues that come up because two cannot walk unless they agree. If one does and the other doesn't for whatever reason, then adultery, betrayal, hurts, disappointment and maybe eventually divorce will reign in such couple's relationship.
DeleteI used to work for a rich pharmacist, he produces drugs in Benin. He never eats at home except on Sunday and you know what, the wife is a well known caterer very popular in Edo and Delta. Very rich ans tush people. They have absolute understanding. The man goes out very early and return at night, infact if the couple meet during the day they enjoy the delicacy the husband bought out together.
DeleteYou people probably lack understanding. Food for an average educated couple in this 21st century should not be a basis for quarrels. But you probably married a barely educated or compassionate man. Also since he likes buying rice n spaghetti outside, you should probably learn through YouTube how to prepare them not cos of him but cos you want to clear your conscience that you can cook. I think he buys in bulk to pepper you.
No matter what, never let food cause problems. Don't be afraid to try varieties, you'll be amazed at how much you can do.
Lmao@Stella
ReplyDeletethis your advice na confusion.
I don't think the poster has a problem, she just married a selfish bushman who feels he is better off when he has money and uses it to take care of himself alone and den falls back to whatever he finds when he's broke (according to the chronicle).
DeletePlease poster, work on making yourself a better person; upgrade yourself to a standard and can compete with what makes your husband loose his sense, that way, he will try to be your friend again. But, don't do it because of him, do it for yourself, take your husband's bad behaviour as a challenge for you to get a life upgrade and be a person that can mingle with people of class. Let him push you to having a better life, eventhough he is meant to help you with this because he seem to have access to such exposure, but he has chosen to enjoy it alone.
Why fix whats not technically broken?
ReplyDeleteAre you at peace? Yes!!!
You didnt say snoooop but u said she should watch him. U try well well
ReplyDeletePoster what do you need advice for na? U sound like you nor send your bobo again. Man and woman matter tire me abeg.
Pray for him and keep doing you
So if she does not snoop how will she find out he is cheating, employ private investigator? Even that one is snooping.
ReplyDeleteI taya my anon oo
DeleteEating outside the home means also "eating girls" outside the home.
ReplyDeleteWasting monies also means paying for s*x. Except you decided to pretend that it isn't happening.
If you know God, fast and pray for your husband or else, he is going, going, gone!
Poster you are quietly living a peaceful life only for you to wake up today and decide to ask for advice that will forever put your mind in disarray and distress. It has already began. remember you didn't complain of abuse or sexual negligence. So before you start the investigative journey ask yourself if you would be able to deal with the potential outcome. What you do not know would not hurt you.
ReplyDeleteHmmm poster test yourself and then use condoms henceforth
DeleteHow are you sure he buys those food from big restaurants?
ReplyDeleteWhat if a Mistress cooks them for him?
Thank you my sister.. obviously the man no like her food.
DeleteHe doesn't like your food
ReplyDeleteThen he shouldn't eat at all na... nonsense
DeleteI think the food he brings home is from the piece. My dear go learn how to cook foreign dish. Well some men like eating out
ReplyDeleteI think you both need a vacay away from the kids, clear your heads, communicate with each other and I pray all will be well
ReplyDeleteMadam please go and learn how to cook, there's nothing wrong in upping your cooking game cos I don't see any reason why a man would prefer eating out to he's own wife's cooking. There's definitely something you are not telling us
ReplyDeleteAbeg close your mouth, this slave mentality will not help you, youve concluded that its her cooking.
DeleteDo you know if there is a babe hes eyeing in that restaurant?
It always has to be the woman's fault abi? What happened to communicating with his wife
DeleteComplaining complaining and always complaining that is what women like doing always
ReplyDeleteLol, it is either you are the problem or you got the wrong one. Take it easy.
DeleteStella this your advice carry small confusion o.if she doesnt not snoop how will she find out whether he has an affair or not??
ReplyDeletePoster i think you can try enrolling in a cooking class..also since he complains too much try and call him on what food he will like to eat before he gets home.Be more warm and welcoming to him and above all commit ut to God in prayer.
Talk to him about how his actions make you feel. Don't just assume, let him be the one to say it as it is, then you can make a decision.
ReplyDeleteI had a fallout with hubby early thus year. Guess my hormones were raging 😁. I got tired of his complains and was used to not talking to him. We were not fighting oòooo. He eats my food and all but we both knew it's not us😋. One the eve of our wedding anniversary I realised I was not emotional the way I usually am and realised we had serious communication problem. I called him and told him my mind, he said same thing 😍 and we let go of whatever was going on.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, even if he does not eat your food ensure communication does not die in your home. Give him a surprise lunch - cooked by you or from his fav eatry. Is his birthday close? Plan a surprise- a cake is okay at work.
My point, do all you can from your end. Truth is, they are our big babies.
Girl a man that wants to stay at home will stay. This isn’t on you. They’ll blame you for being fat, then being vain if you want to lose weight. They’ll blame you for not cooking, then being boring if you keep cooking.
ReplyDeletestop begging him. He thinks he’s the king of the world, even with his poor saving skills and small money he’s making. Save up, take care of yourself, have a life outside of your husband. Go out, discover restaurants, watch movies, pick up swimming. It’s almost like Nigerian women don’t have hobbies and interests outside marriage. Everything wife this, marriage that. Even their social media handles are about marriage meanwhile the men won’t even post their wives. Women stop deserting your friends and social life when you get married. Men will NEVER change their lifestyles and social lives for you so it’s time we receive sense and buckle up. Not to revenge but for happiness! You “save” him from cheating with your friends but what of all the other women out there? We need to borrow sense. It’s 2019
Save up! I was looking for this. If he likes to spend, learn how to save. None of a grown man’s behavior is anybody’s fault! He will eat your food when he is broke really? Personally I don’t think I can live like that but if you are ok living like that, take care of yourself and your kids and save. Again I would say talk to him about bringing packs of food home if you feel it’s insulting but if it’s coming from restaurants and you are sure it’s not from a side chick, relax then. Read the comment above mine again and again 15:31 that is.
Delete👌👌👏
DeleteOh thank you so very much
DeleteIn addition, sometimes take a break from cooking and enjoy the one he buys with him. As he wants to use mouth and finish his money, help him
DeleteMadam, snoop to find out o. You sure say no be babe dey use restaurant container take package food, oga kon dey form say na restaurant e dey buy am from? Snoop abeg and leave Stella side eyes.
ReplyDeletelmao you people think good cooking stops a man from cheating? 😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteSo the husbands of sexy women that can cook don’t cheat?
Nigerian women please stop giving bad advice because you’re shouting yourself in the foot.
When these Nigerian men marry white women that can only boil tea why do they stay faithful and loyal. But when it’s a Nigerian woman they expect Naomi Campbell with Iya Basira cooking skills and the forgiveness of Jesus for WHEN they will cheat. Odiegwu. Yet when we talk they call us feminist as if it’s a bad thing. As if it’s feminists infecting wives at home with HIV
Lol. Tell them Sis. 😂
Delete1000 likes! They would never even treat other African women like the way they treat Nigerian women.
DeleteNo mind them. I'm so mad at the people blaming this poster.
DeleteI dated this person that didn't like to plan ahead for anything. Whenever I suggested being frugal so we could both save up for the future, he will say I like to complain, I don't encourage him, blablabla. So I learnt to follow him and chop his money. Oga was even planning to buy Land Rover when he was transitioning between jobs (the job he was supposed to move to didn't work out in the end). Me sef I followed him to be looking for where to buy the Land Rover. Whenever he went to high end shops to buy clothes (not minding that money was short and clothing wasn't a necessity at the time), I will follow him and he will buy for me too.
When his money finishes he will be mad that I have savings and he does not. But I'm not the one who wants to live champagne life on maltina budget na.
Tor! AdaBaekee what else could you do? You can't force a grown man to make good decisions. if you had married this type, you for suffer well well. I detest foolish men.
DeleteDre, I thank God oh. It is a terrible thing to marry someone you can't plan with. I saw poster's addition to her story and I feel so sorry... Look how she's suffering when her husband is earning good money. If I were in her shoes, I will make sure my kids and I eat out of that his restaurant food so I can at least save the money and time for cooking. She needs savings so that the day side chick finally 'snatch' the man, she will have something to fall back on
DeleteAdaBekee
I would say seat down and have a heart to heart talk with him and pour at your heart like you just did with out nagging, try just one last time.
ReplyDeleteIf he still doesn't change, then focus all your energy on you and your kids cook yummy sumptuous meals for you guys, engage in activities with friends, church, work be so preoccupied he will notice, change up your look for you! looking good has a way of boosting our confidence and making us feel good..
don't forget to save save save..
Men like him like to keep up appearances, he is and emotionally immature if my calculations are correct he should be about 35? Emotionally he is still a 25year old boy I'm sorry.
My dear be happy, he is living his best life please don't show him you live for his attention get it together and do you!
Love and light!😘
How else can she find out if the man is cheating....... Stella just admit that some situation pass you and this your no snooping bullshit...... Snooping is a Must!!!
ReplyDeleteAnon 15:36 I am team snoop, but the problem with snooping is if you don't have a solid plan on what to do in the event that your snoop findings are unfavourable, you will be worse for it mentally and emotionally. And many women don't. They snoop and discover dirt and then lose their minds all together. I've come to discover in this life that peace of mind is a most valuable thing.
DeleteSee Stella asking her to snoop and denying it at the same time 😂😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteMadam, this is not how marriage should be. Something has gone wrong and you need to find out what. Also your non challant attitude even shows in your write up. All men wants a caring wife....so begin by changing your reaction to his actions. Eat some of the food hr brings home to see the attraction and learn to cook same dishes. May God grant you wisdom to sort things out
ReplyDeleteWhat does she do when her past "challance" was met with indifference? A combative man who is difficult to relate with such that she would rather have him out of the house, and yet all the blame is on her. Men have responsibilities towards their relationships too but are never held against any standards.
DeleteIf peace is only known away from him, I will choose peace. Her mental health is nore critical than anything- marriage included.
All men wants a caring wife. .. yeah?
DeleteWell, all women want a caring husband who will communicate their grievances & help their wifes get better not looking or comfort outside whilst neglecting he needs of their woman.
Let's learn to hold these men accountable. We ain't in the world to please all their whims & desires.
Fix your cooking skills. There must be something he complain about. Search yourself and make a change.
ReplyDeleteMe sef my husband they worry, always up in my buisness in a loving way of course.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm always glad to get a breather when his away I don't cook so much and I just have me time.
Communication cannot be overemphasised, how do you relay your messages to him? With anger? In a nagging manner?
I understand such environment, complaining complaining sows a seed of insecurity in the woman, I'm I not good enough? You don't appreciate the effort I make? And thus their is a build up of all this negative things he has been sowing into you, men dont realise that women are incubators what ever you put in her she will incubate and give back to you, pressed down shaken together and running over.
Send him a long text or write him a letter detailing how you feel.
But also smile, be happy , do you, live for God and you. When you're happy within it will exude and attract like magnet.
It is well jare....
ReplyDeleteThat is why it is not good to be praying for God to bless your horseband. This is the result.
ReplyDeleteOya start praying that God should bless you so that you won't notice his bullshit.
Anyway just snoop
So true, some men suppose to remain poor I swear.
DeleteHmm some men don't deserve to be rich or else they will show you pepper.
DeleteLmao! God have mercy on somebody! Ụwa nkea dịkwa omimi
DeleteHmm dear poster pls snoop before its too late. My husband ignored me for over six years,no sex,no much communication because he works in another state. All my effort to change things prove abortive. I was miserable but pretends to family and friends things are fine. I got the shock of my life last year December he married another lady. lied to her am barren with a year old girl. I nearly ran mad,funniest he did not see anything wrong and never apologise. I will move out by this month end so I can start all over again,double my hustle and face my child. God he thought I would not amount to anything but as am taking this bold step pls turn my story around and make someone to recon with in life. My self esteem as dropped but lord I prayed you help me stand back on my feet in Jesus name. Poster fight for your hubby before its too late
ReplyDeleteMadam it is well. The real man will find you.. just be focus because the biggest revenge in life is self development.
DeleteExcept the man doesn’t want you anymore stay as the first wife and still double your hustle. For your child sake
DeleteAnon 16:27, please don't make men whether real or not your focus. You do not need a man to find your true purpose in life. You've suffered a great betrayal. Take as long as you need to heal and refocus. No matter how long it takes. God is the creator of time and he is not limited by it. So make time your ally and not something that's passing you by. May God be with you.
DeleteDarling, I want to keep it 100 with you.
ReplyDeleteIt's one thing for your hubby to eat out alone or with friends but it's a whole different ball game when he now brings the food home to store in the freezer, lots of food packs, according to you. What readily comes to mind is that he doesn't enjoy your cooking. You may think you are a good cook but, darling, your meals may not be as tasty as you think. Why not try some of the food he brings home to see what's different? Sweetie, your defence that your hubby likes wasting money seems jaundiced and inaccurate. If he really wants to waste money, he wouldn't bring packs of food to be preserved in the freezer. It appears he does that so he can enjoy the meal whenever he wants to. Action, they say, speaks louder than words. Your hubby seems to be speaking loudly by his actions.
Of course, his options are limited when he is broke, he has no choice than to eat what you prepare. He may be having an affair but I don't think that has anything to do with his eating habits, if that were the case, he will consistently eat out, broke or buoyant, because there's a lady somewhere cooking up a storm.
Honey, how can you just give up and be so cavalier because your hubby doesn't eat your food? What's up with marriages nowadays? No zeal to fight for your home? Sweetheart, you have to show more concern. You stated that you have complained, were you gentle or you voiced your frustration? There are many ways to kill a rat. Every man has his soft spot, it's left for you to find out what or where it is.
You may feel you're indifferent now and love being alone but guess what, my love? That's just your mind cooking up a defence mechanism to help you cope with the present situation. This stoic attitude is showing "false positive". That you took the time to write in seeking advice, shows you care more than you are willing to admit. A lot of ladies feel men are not important yet major of the authors of the chronicles are ladies, go figure.
My darling, humble yourself and brush up your cooking skills. I don't believe the phrase " the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" applies to every man but it appears it applies to your hubby. You wrote in because deep down you want your hubby to eat and enjoy your meals, so why not learn how to cook better? One advantage of the Internet is you have access to tutorials on cooking and the likes. There's no harm in adding to what you already know, is there? Sweetie, is that too much to ask?
Your home is at the brink of crisis, you are the one already cutting your hubby out of planned activities. You really think you will be indifferent if you fond out he is cheating? May God not allow that theory to be tested by practicals. My darling, your heart isn't as insulated as you think. The evidence is evident in the fact that you were troubled enough to write in. Take charge of home. Look within to be sure you are blameless, if not, make the necessary changes.
e-hugs and kisses.
Just came back to check on you and you did not disappoint. Kudos
DeleteYou just said it all... the best advice ever. Madam read this .. improve on your cooking and see miracles happen.
DeleteAwon home fighters! Where is the guy fighting for his home? If he cannot communicate his position/opinion on her food in am effective way and his only option is to treat her this shabbily and act like so petty, then he should sleep. She’s done nothing wrong.
DeleteThank you o, this is what I stated up there, brush up your cooking and your looks if you want your marriage to do better, he has complained about your cooking but you are too anrgy to try and make things better.
DeleteIf you listen to all these people you will end a not so bad marriage for flimsy reasons.
Marriage is never easy, same way every other institution isn't, you have to work through it, those telling you your husband should cook for you will not do the same in your shoes, he isn't stingy so when he has collect and save, finish
If you like listen.
Brilliant analysis. Dear poster, read this carefully, think avoid it, and act accordingly.
DeletePoster, digest this!
DeleteRonalda you give good advice I'll give you that but many times your advice tends to be judgemental towards the women posters and skewed in favour of the men. I understand your stoop to conquer approach to marital problems and I'm for working for good marriages but I don't subscribe to emotional bullying and manipulation of which many of these men are guilty of. Try and see things from the woman's perspective sometimes. How can you defend the actions of a man who buys food outside his home? Her poor cooking skills should never justify that. As a husband, his job includes helping to build her up in the areas where she falls short using loving and respectful communication but he hasn't done that and I don't see you address that.
DeletePoster find time to have a discussion with him to know what is wrong.
ReplyDeleteSTART GOING TO MFM FOR THEIR WEDNESDAY PROGRAM CALLED MANNER WATER
ReplyDeleteLMAO 😁😀😀😀
DeletePoster please put more effort in your cooking, from time to time make special dish for him personally and also try to make your self look attractive whether you at home or not
ReplyDeleteAnd lastly every time he come home try not to complain rather bring up interesting gist with him and with time you see him change to a better person
This is NOT about cooking, gosh !!! Ronalda and co, sometimes admit that your so called “reasonable” advice doesn’t apply because if the man was reasonable the issues wouldn’t be coming up in the first place !
ReplyDeleteHe has a mouth to speak! If cooking is the issue he should tell her or hire a cook what the hell.
Is wife= domestic help? And you guys are proud to say it?
All these beautiful and stylish women who cook on Instagram, you think their husbands are still not neglecting them?? You think it’s by making chicken goujon and Chinese fried rice that a man who respects his wife will stay at home.
This is clearly a LIFESTYLE problem. A wife is NOT a cook! Gosh, you guys ! Love yourselves for once !
This man goes out and lives lavishly when he’s out, comes home to eat when there’s no money to go out. If the man starts bringing in alcohol will you tell her to become a palmwine tapper? Or if he’s out to get entertainment next thing you guys will tell her to become Helen Paul comedienne? Or a stripper?
When someone doesn’t want to stay at home there will always be something better out there. And every time you guys put the blame on women instead it shifts the blame and focus from the problem. Making it normal for imperfect and mediocre men to expect perfection from women. It’s irritating! There is NO wisdom in it! In the end that’s why men feel so confident singing about women in such derogatory manners when THEY themselves bring nothing to the table and will still end up spending all their time and money on the slay queens they keep singing about, while the wife is at home thinking something is wrong with her. Enough
I love you Anon! Your head is screwed on wella! Nigerian women are raised to be subservient victims while men are never held accountable for anything. Please get an ID
DeleteGive your own advice na, instead on focusing on Ronalda and other commenters. Them hold you from advising ni?
DeleteOne thousand likes!!! You nailed it!!
DeleteYou nailed it
DeleteThank you so much for this I mean this is the most reasonable comment I've read here
while I like how Ronalda writes but I mostly see it as a fairy tale this is real life not all of these is applicable to all cases
Especially this narrative up here.
Ronalda is a patriarchal princess.
DeletePOSTER
ReplyDeleteI am the poster of the chronicle, thank you God bless you all for your advice and comments.
I didn't put a lot of details into that writeup but let me clarify somethings. I know how to cook well, I have gone for culinary skills even before I met him, I even have a vlog where I cook new recipes and delicacies. I personally know how to cook, He was eating at home before and also take to work, that he tells me to dish for his colleagues too that they won't allow him enjoy it alone then, so I cook for two whenever he is going to work.
I am a very neat person even to the point that I have an arrangement for everything in the house, you can't see sand or dirty things in the house rather he is the dirty one that scatters and messes everywhere up and I don't complain, I do it with joy because we are two different people and I don't expect him to always behave like me. I rarely complain or nag.
Before we had a perfect home atleast, he takes me out and also get me things and I do same Not until he got promoted and there was overflow of money, everything change 360 degrees.
It was when money came that he remembered he was 10yrs older than me and use that to insult or abuse me and that he can't eat the kind of food I cook unless when he is broke and no money to take people out. He pays for food for everyone at work, he can give out 200k without blinking an eye or knowing the person, just go to him with a pity face and all you want will be done but if na me or the kids, he doesn't bother. Since he had money, communication stopped and no form of intimacy, he doesn't even drop money, just BTW 10k for house allowance and this is someone that earns about 1million plus. He buys any latest things and no properties, I mean he doesn't have anything to his name except a car. When he is done spending lavishly and no money, he remembers the backup plan at home which is me. He has never dash me 10k since he became rich and broke at the same time.
I guess this is his real character, he shuns me and want me to always beg him for everything, the one that is annoying him the most now is that, he doesn't want me to work and I started working. I can't invite people to our home because no proper furniture's. The bed is on the floor, no bed frame.
I am solely responsible for the kids except for half of school fees that he gives. I furnish a particular room for the kids to play and have fun. I have prayed, begged and call people to talk to him to no avail.
I don't know why I sent the chronicle but maybe because people was saying its because he doesn't eat at home.
We havent had sex this year and no communication except when he is broke, that's when he will talk to me. Abeg make I stop here jare. We have 6yr old child and the second is his brothers child, he has refuse to follow me for checkup and I don't bother again. We have been together for 12yrs and married for 7yrs. I am 32 while he is 42 but nothing to his name.
They said na the food carry him go outside that's why I wrote the chronicle to hear from you people but as it is, I have to tell this details.
You should have provided these details in the initial chronicle so people can give the right advice. This issue is not a food issue clearly, there is so much more.
DeleteTell me why you have chosen to stay with such a man. A man that earns over a million naira and won’t take care of his child 100%, no intimacy on top of that abusing you emotionally, are you not better off a single mother?
DeleteMe am tired of husband matter. I left mine 1 month ago and i samr week i met a correct bobo, and am happy. He reminds me everyday that he loves me, supports my plans, empowers and encourages me, allows me to go out alone with friends if i wish, we tall everyday, atleast 3 hours a day on phone while he is working cos he is a chef. What more can I ask for. I am more educated than him and make more but he will never ask for my money, never acceot even when i want to give him. I dont want to ever remarry. Marriage is evil
DeleteYou should have stated all these now, abeg face front,sell as much as you can and move out,I am not telling you to get a divorce but you need to be separated from him for your own sanity, posh food kee him there
DeleteOh wow!!!
DeleteI was surprised how nearly everyone narrowed it to your culinary skills without considering that, there might be other underlying issues you didnt divulge
DeleteI'd just advise you to pray ,and plan strategically,
I dont support divorce but If you need time out to figure things out please go ahead,
Your sanity is very important, you have just one life to live , and you deserve happiness and bliss .
Madam, this gives more clarity to the issue. You made it look like a food issue in your initial write up. Your man has deep seated issues.... The money just brought them out. He is also very irresponsible by not taking care of his home. This is no marriage and pls keep your job as it may be what will save you in the future. Kindly start your plan B savings. Look for ways to get money from him to invest. Look for people he respects to talk to him if it doesn't work please maintain your lane and be happy with yourself. I don't know what else to say madam... ..he is making wrong decisions. He needs a brain reset seriously
DeleteMy advice poster get someone who doesn't know the story to taste your food and the food he brings home. It's obvious he doesn't enjoy your food.my neighbour even buys food from outside for himself and children, he eats at home occasionally . One Christmas his wife sent food to me, couldn't eat the food ( very tasteless food) had to throw it away. To her she feels like chef chi , good part is she doesn't complain when he brings food rather sit and eat with him and they are both happy.
ReplyDeleteHmmm,,, madam snoop oo. Or maybe hos having an affair.
ReplyDeleteYou guys talking about food have missed the point. I know women who can’t boil ordinary egg whose husbands happily cook or buy takeaway and eat with their wives.
ReplyDeleteI said this before and I will say it again: Nigerian women, separate your self esteem and happiness from your husband’s actions and behavior. Men do so successfully. He is living his best life and only comes home when he has run out of money. You are not responsible for his actions, only your happiness. Find your passion, your drive. Cook for him but entertain yourself. Nigerian women love yourselves!!
True
DeletePls post again in sp for those who did not see this
Exactly. Poster don't develop hypertension and protect yourself from STDs.
DeleteExactly! I love it that you point how selfishly men do what pleases them. My priest always says this to us in church, happiness is your birthright.
DeleteDon't let any man snatch it from you. Its a choice you must make in order to overcome situations that threaten your mental and emotional wellbeing.
Poster please put more effort in your cooking, from time to time make special dish for him personally and also try to make your self look attractive whether you at home or not
ReplyDeleteAnd lastly every time he come home try not to complain rather bring up interesting gist with him and with time you see him change to a better person
You described my dad up there.
ReplyDeleteHe and momsi are strangers after decades of marriage
Poster please try and up your cooking games. Get a dishing plate and good white plates for eating. Serve with fruit salads or homemade juice. Go to YouTube and watch different cuisines both local and international. You will see all types of recipes. Learn how to serve the food so that it will be appetizing. Variety is the spice of life, try different recipes.
ReplyDeleteYou can make a home food menu so that you monitor what you people eat .Get good cutleries. Just serve it the way they do in restaurants. You can also get scented candles. You really have to invest in good plates, cutleries, napkins etc for a good dinning table set up.Start with cooking skills lets see if it is the problem. If he still eat in the restaurants then you will know that food is not the problem. Then you have to start talking to him to know what the problem is.
Scented candles! Women are truly suffering!
DeleteEspecially Nigerian women. Many are suffering in silence walahi.
DeleteHe hasn't furnished their home, their mattress is on the floor, he does not give her money even though he earns millions and spends on others. But your advice is that she buys (steals) all sorts things including scented candles????!!! Are you not mad so?
DeleteAnon 20:14, please don't give advice again in life. Even directions please don't give.
DeleteYour comment is actually very annoying
DeleteMarriage is slavery , it isn't a one way traffic all of you giving poster this advise its just so appalling that the man in question Is abusing this woman emotionally and you all are blinded by this.
What a shame .
Marriage isn't a trophy please.
This world is quite funny....My hubby doesn't eat out. He hates eating outside the house. I have to cook every day oh... See me wishing sometimes that he will even eat out
ReplyDeleteDear poster...Can you dress up one weekend It can be tgis Easter weekend...Call your hubby and tell him you are taking him OUT. Sit down and talk with him. This is not a complain issue again. Ask him straight forward questions....Ask him also if your food is bad. Be ready to handle the truth.
Do your path and see if things can turn around for your family. Every family needs the Head of the Home present.
All the best dear. I know it is not easy!
She ain't got no money to take him out. All this production to have a conversation.
DeleteAnybody sending in chronicles just always send it in details. Poster most people have not seen the details you posted in the comment section. They are already blaming you that you can't cook and may be dirty. Mothers of today please train your male children well so that all these issues will cease.
ReplyDeleteThey don't need to see the total detail to give out sensible advise
DeleteFood doesn't keep a man .
I'm so offended by these posts honestly
Your food might taste good in your mouth but to others it might be poison. I know women who claim to be good cooks but they pour oil directly into oha soup instead of mixing it with ede
ReplyDeleteYou have your own recipe doesn’t make everybody’s own bad. I learn oha soup from my mom who learnt from her own mom and they are a family of great cooks. They do not mix palm oil with ede and it comes out really nice. I would have mentioned surname from a particular town for you to ask around but never mind.
DeleteSo why cant her husband talk to her if he doesn't find her food tasty enough .
DeleteYall making seem like its the sole duty of a woman to make marriage work
I weep at what I read here sometimes its just so unfortunate .
Your husband knows exactly what he is doing. Do not allow him manipulate you emotionally. DO NOT SNOOP. Ignore him, pay attention to your self, children, work,ssavings and occupy your mind with positive thoughts.
ReplyDelete