STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
NIGERIAN PARENTS AND FINANCES
Hi Stella, I’ve been a bv for years now and have sent in some notes in the past.
Straight to my issue now. I am on a scholarship abroad and I’ve been away for just two years now.
I feel like my parents don’t appreciate me. Maybe they do, but I don’t feel it and that’s why I’m sending in my story so Bvs can share their own opinions.
I hate to count but For two years now, I’ve sent millions home. Paid my dad’s rent, paid my brothers rent, paid my moms fees for a course she’s taking, paid another brothers entrance money to study abroad. Still send monthly money to my mom and bro to support his family an lump sum to dad every now and then.
Please note that both parents are still working.
Now, as a young lady trying to attain financial freedom, I feel the burden of all these but I believe family is the most important to me.
However, I think my mom is so proud I’m abroad and I’m her bragging rights. She now thinks it’s ok to order me to send money to people. One time it was a cousin who she believes helped me get some certificate before I traveled. I refused to send any money because I believe she didn’t do it for money and she’s doing well herself.
A cousin got married and I sent what I could afford, my mom asked how much I sent and when I told her, she said I should have sent more. I argued again that I will only send what I can afford. Now we have this family friend with kids in high school. I’ve sent the two kids 5k to share twice now(totalling 10k) and my mom just told me today that I shouldn’t be sending that small amount to them that it’s insulting.
I was so heartbroken and she went on about how I should send another family friend money or gift because he helped me with transcript. This is a professor doing well for himself and I’m only a student on stipends.
I told her I will appreciate people more when I get a job after graduating but she insists I have money. I tried to explain my bills and everything I have to do on my own with no support from anyone but she goes on about how I’m mixing with the wrong people and I shouldn’t forget where I’m from that it’s good to appreciate people.
I’ve told her times without number that I don’t want people to think I’m rich because I’m not. I am a student!
I actually cried today and She also felt very bad that I don’t listen to her anymore. But should a mom be ordering her daughter in mid-twenties about how to spend her money? Note that I’m the youngest child in the family.
And from time to time she mentions that I should invest my money and buy land, but how do I buy land with all these financial issues?
I really hate that I’m having money issues with my parents because I know how evil money can be in tearing people and family apart. I need help.
All my life before the scholarship, my parents have been excellent. I have never lacked! I didn’t have luxury, but I could always bank on my parents. Every time I remember this, I feel like I should keep pushing and I also think my mom is subtly emotionally blackmailing me with the fact that they’ve done so much for me in the past. In fact, if I was still in Nigeria jobless, they will still be supporting me I’m sure. I just feel really sad and overwhelmed now
Please post anonymously. Thanks
*Time to stop sending money randomly home.....WTF!!!
I am so upset at this Narrative........
I hope your mom don't put you into big financial trouble ad spiritual too. Because she is making think you have which is not good. It is well.
ReplyDeleteBabe, reduce the rate you send to your family. Try to graduate. You caused the problem by giving the impression that you Don blow. Now you are suffering. I'm abroad too but I can't kill myself. I cut my coat according to my size. Don't send money to anyone outside ur family
DeletePoster
DeleteAre you meeeeeeeee????????
Jesus is Lord
People really do have similar situations, the only different is that i have lost my Dad and i am in Nigeria
But mehhhhhhh...... the situation is similar, being the youngest and your mum wanting you to dash every one money and not caring about if you have or not.
Let me read comments, learn abd take advice
Most mother's are like this salami. They like making pple think their child has arrived. My mother in law for example. Whenever she visits, she must come with friends and church members and then force my hubby to take them all shopping, pay Tea or and dash them money so they'll go to church later and give gist about her son. She doesn't care that she's inconvenient her son. Same way we went to villa sometime, she said she wanted to pay a visit to her sis. This woman ended up visiting 10 families and forcing my hubby to drop money at each. Even those she saw on the road, she'll ask my hubby to park and give them money. Just so they'll know she's arrivedoooo
DeletePlease make a budget of how much you want to send home per month and stick to it. Once you send ur dad and mum the budgeted amount, you mum is free to share it the way she pleases.
DeleteYes, you love them and you feel indebted to them,but it shouldn't be at your detriment.
Trust me, all the rich gang your mum is using you to do is just self inflicted injury, the people you are sending the most to will feel entititled to it and not grateful and Yes, they will feel the figure is small as ur mum pointed out.
So ma'am, could you put yourself first and remember your parents still earn salaries while you make your budget and please stick to it.
Please make them realise that you do not have. Hmmm
Deleteyou are a student and you should make them understand that. why did you even take all that responsibility on yourself initially?
DeleteAnon16:11, your MIL must be the twin sister of mine. Hubby and I have been out of paid employment for about 5-6yrs now. We are basically hustling. We went for a church members party just to honour them oh. When it was time for dance Dance, MIL called my hubby's attention to it. That is was time to dance and spray money. She was already used to the show down he does at parties and taking the shine. The words that came out of his mouth were embarrassing. Me.... I just carried face like a deaf and dumb person. This is someone that hasn't bought 1 single scarf since we left employment. Mtchewww. The way she pushes him to attend functions in the village and then calls the whole world that her son is on the way nko? Showing off nonsense. Meanwhile, we can beauty eat decent meals at home.
DeleteThis chronicle just encouraged me. 2weeks after my wedding my dad started demanding for money almost every week. I had a life threatening pregnancy that made me not to.work throughout he stil didn't stop,the day I was admitted 2 deliver my princess he stil asked for money, on my baby's naming he stil asked for money. Now business isn't moving like before cos I took a long break I'm so broke, i ve jus been wishing I saved most of dose money. My dad was using my money to feed his colleagues telling them his daughter married a rich man. I was stil sending to my mom also. Since March this year I haven't sent her money she tried black mailing me I just gave her space.
DeleteWe love our parents dearly, but ah! Nigerian parents feel so entitled it can be annoying.
DeletePoster, you need to make them understand. Start by complaining seriously about funds, that way they won’t ask you. But if they do, donot send. You will feel guilty, but mydear you have to take care of you. Trust me, they will survive a thousand times over, if you donot send any money.
DeleteI cant understand why some people are like this. If 2,500 for kids in high school is an insult then stop sending it nah. Is it by force. I remember my uncle used to send his sisters one thousand naira each occasionally. I kid you not.
DeleteYou need to start complaining about being broke. In fact, ask your parents to send you money (that your hours at work was reduced and you need money to feed). By the time they convert naira to dollar or pounds once, your mum will stop making these demands so you don't get broke again and ask them to send you more. Better wisen up, there is no guarantee you would get a job immediately you graduate (though I pray you do) so you need to start putting money aside to be able to pay your rent and bills while job hunting. Your part time job may seem enough now because you are on scholarship and probably gets allowance but when you graduate, that's when you would realize that living on minimum wage earning is not easy. Please become financially smart. Don't let them blackmail you emotionally. Build up your savings and investment and only send money when it's necessary/an emergency..not to show off to relatives et al. All the best.
Like what the heck? You better start saving for tomorrow o.
ReplyDeleteLet me borrow space here
DeletePoster you say both parents are still working, Abeg henceforth STOP SENDING BOTH OF THEM MONEY TILL YOU GRADUATE & GET A GOOD JOB....look if you fail to plan your life now what will happen to you when emergencies happen and you realise you have nothing saved for the rainy day.
Also stop paying your brother's house rent, he is a man, if you were not abroad and sending him money he would find other ways to sort himself out, Trust me.
Also stop letting your mother blackmail you by trying to control your finance...Report her to your father, tell him to talk to her or else you will stop calling the two of them.
Sometimes you need to put your foot down in a mean way to get people like your mom to listen.
Finally if you fail financially tomorrow you will blame yourself and still the people who you gave your money to will also blame you for failing to be wise.
POSTER BE WISE FINANCIALLY
LEP😛
Poster I'm sorry to say but you're the architect of all your financial problems.
DeleteWhat business has an undergraduate paying rents for her working parents, her elder married brother, sending "lump sums" to the father from time to time, sending money to relatives and all what nought?
You gave them the impression that "money ain't your problem" spending it is!
My parents never for once delayed/defaulted in sending both rent and allowances to My younger ones that schooled abroad. Every dime they made there they saved. The only time we got gifts from any of them was upon return.
If you want to amount to anything financially, PLEASE STOP SENDING ANYONE MONEY INCLUDING YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY!
I think it is irresponsible of parents to be demanding so much from both their children and in-laws...
marry the guy working abroad, he is the one that truly loves you and your parent.
ReplyDeleteHuh 🤷🤷🤷🤷
DeleteAre you alright, did you smoke or sniff something before typing?
DeleteI don’t understand. You sure we read the same chronicle?
DeleteAre you sure you read the chronicle at all? I'm confused eeeh with this your response
DeleteAnno 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteAre you mistaking the Chronicle of Mr A and Mr B to this???????
I am not understanding, did you read the same chronicle I read?
DeleteAnonymous 15:04,Are you okay in Kiss Daniel's voice????
Delete😃😃🤣🤣
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Delete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteAnon 15:03 must be really bored and just concluded all see chronicles are the same, so without reading, just have the answer.
😂😂 no time to even read sef
DeleteLMAO!!! This hot weather dey really fry some people brain ooo.
Deleteologogoro...
DeleteHahahahahahaha, I believe anonymous 15.04 saw finance and thought it was fiance and also saw scholarship.
Delete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteOlodo Rabata
DeleteI had to type in caps because I am shouting-ARE YOU MAD
ReplyDeleteI know someone going through exactly what you just narrated,my advise is do what you can afford and close the door of your ears,with time,they will adjust
ReplyDeletethe abroad guy is the best for you, mark my word this day.
ReplyDeletepls, I need blog id
You need the abroad guy,not blog id!
DeleteLolzzz.. ... more like you need to read before typing.
Delete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂.
DeletePlease what you need is glasses. Forget blog ID.
Abi. Anon u r right. Poster abeg pick d abroad guy oo to avoid wahala.LMAO.
DeleteWhere is this abroad guy? I had to go back and read again ooo😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteHehehehehehehe
DeleteContinue sending what you can afford, reasonable amounts ofcourse, you're only but a student na. Just once in a while abeg. Remember to save for yourself. Save for yourself ooooo!!!!
ReplyDeleteBut its cos she's sending what she can afford, that her mother said what she said that led to this chronicle. Her mother will soon put her in trouble
DeleteReasonable amounts anon, let her not go and send $100 she is a students. Dash them like $15/$20 monthly then they'll learn from there.
DeleteAnon 18:22, you is wikid! 😂 😂 😂
DeleteAnytime your mom asks you to send money to someone again, tell her you don’t have money and stand your ground.
ReplyDeleteCan you just ignore them for a while, just to clear your head, don't pick anybody's call but send your mum message that you are fine. Some mothers though, silently calling village people on you
ReplyDeleteDon’t buy any land in naija except you want to relocate back if not establish yourself in abroad get a job after you graduate and a mortgage secure your future abroad if not that land is the pipe they’ll use to suck you dry for at least ten yrs. it’s a trap I fell for.
DeleteExactly. The mother is exposing her to dangers instead of shielding her from people.
DeleteMaking people to feel you're loaded.
For now, make up your mind on a certain percentage you will be sending home and save.
This is the Nigerian mindset, anybody abroad has money. It is not surprising that your mom (not your dad) is the one complaining. This is the mindset of a lot of ladies, that there is money abroad. And when them no fit make the money when them get there, them go use nyansh make am.
ReplyDeleteExplain to them that you are not working. I guess you are sharing your scholarship stipends. Stop sending the monies and let her bear the grouse for now. Finally you all will understand yourselves.
And make you no join the Naija girls abroad who dey use them toto make (cursed blood) money in other to please anybody.
A lot of Nigerian father's are like that. I know what a friend of mine in London is going through, cos of his dad in Nigeria. Every day send me this ,send me that. Forgetting the guy has his own family. The guy is married, but it his family in Nigeria who will be telling him to come build a house and all...and I'm like...Isn't this something you plan with your wife or husband?
DeleteNigerian parents can be physically abusive and on top of it emotionally manipulative. Please stop sending money, with time your mum would adjust and respect you. You’re a student even if you aren’t and to be honest there’s no amount you’d give out to these people that would be enough.
ReplyDeleteWhen you have, give to your parents and immediate family. What they decide to do with it after you’ve given them is their business but don’t be a push over okay. Living abroad is not as easy as most people down here think and if your parents won’t understand then ignore the emotional blackmails.
Dopple you have got it exactly,very emotionally abusive. At a point I had to move to my aunties house to avoid my mother's manipulation.
DeleteWhile growing up she will tell me I'm the sort of child that will not be there for her in old age, I am lazy,I lack sense,she doesn't even know if I will turn out well. Till I too almost started believing it that without my family i am useless.
Everyone else sees me different,I finished with 2.1 and got a very good job after service.
Send as much as I can to my mother. Yet she is never satisfied. She told me recently I am too laid back and not aggressive and ambitious. That my mates are doing better.
I was about to start mentioning her own mates too that are leading industries at 60 and ask what she is doing with her own life too. I just said let me keep shut.
Everything they couldn't become
DeleteThey drive you to be
As an adult it is left to you to know the pressure isn't something you want
15.43 LOL. Nigerian mom especially can blackmail, my mum is like that too .She tries to turn me against my husband because he does nit send her all his money. Smh. She compares him to her other in-laws..she has brainwashed my other siblings to kill themselves for her. Abeg leave story, I don't want to cry..some mom's can blackmail
DeleteSo true... i am facing that with my mum, i cant recollect when i told her my husband is a rich man, cos she expects him to be showering her with money up and down, amd meeting up to the expectations of whom she has gone to brag to.
DeleteIts good to be appreciative, but don't do it to your detriment.
ReplyDeleteBe wise, save for yourself, cos if u fall down, sometimes those people won't help u stand up, that is when you will know say khaki no be leather.
It's painful when parents do this.. My dear you've tried. Enough of the people pleasing think of yourself. if it's not giving you peace drop it. Anyone that gives you peace do. Appreciating your parents once in a while is good which one is forcing you to send money to extended family haba. Nne you are too young and not there yet for this kind of responsibility.
ReplyDeleteabi o,that kind parent.na wow o
DeleteIt is better you start saving money and doing some investment not through your parents but through some registered agency. Because if you send the investment money to your parents, with this their mentality, they will do father Christmas with it... Build yourself my dear.
ReplyDeletePoster, buy a house abroad, that is where you live. This thing that Nigerians will build big houses home, and live in a single room abroad, I don't get. Like that is your home, this is where you will have your children. You also deserve to live in a big house.
DeleteSee ehn I'm angry with your parents, especially your mother. Are your parents separated or divorced?
ReplyDeleteYou will send this one money, you will send that one money. You better warn your mother seriously to stop ordering you to send people money.
See ehn, just lock up. You're a student for Christ's sake. Do they know how things are for you over there or is it because when you send 100 dollars or 100 Euro it becomes thousands here, they now think you have plenty money? Abeg abeg abeg. I'm out
Sorry dear,just pretend you dont have a family and concentrate on your studies,save enough money, plan your life well and be wise.
ReplyDeleteIt is well....
Nne please draw a monthly list for how U wanna spend ur money, then save the rest. Do not entertain anything more, outside the list. It should consist of the basics, i.e monthly upkeep to ur parents (that's probably what U owe them for conceiving & training U), if U want to keep sending to ur brother, then it's up to U, because I think he should be able to man up & fend for himself & family.
ReplyDeleteDo only that which U think is fair enough for the sake of conscience, leave the rest for them to worry about, after all they re working & not handicapped.
Everyone is selfish in his or her own way, & until U establish urself proper, please be selfish too..
Yes o, na so i work for more than 10yrs with nothing to show for it. one day i go just go off radar, let everyone hustle
DeleteAnd let me tell you this too. If you ever decide to build a house like your mom adviced, please do it discreetly.
ReplyDeleteYour Mummy can announce you to village people. Goodluck
Poster, STOP sending money home. Before your mother lands you in serious financial and spiritual problems. I've been there and GOD saved me. Face GOD and the reason you travelled for.
ReplyDeletemy dear we share similar stories, my mum sent me here to uk on a student visa 12 years ago. they did not know how i survived all those years as an 18 year old girl. kobo they did not send to me, i coukdnt even go to school. luckily, i managed to secure my papers and got married and things are starting to pick up for me, but they now think i am stingy that i am the only one enioying. i tried to be sending her 20k monthly and i give my siblings money too. though my own mum doesnt push me around to give any family money o, she will even block them . but each time , i let them know i am not entitled to help them. i have given her over 5 million, infact i just bought a camry car for her this week. she only used 500k to send me abroad. its better you fight it now , my family has already known that it is what i have, give, nobody can pressurise me for my own hard earned pounds. my family do talk behind me about how stingy i am, but i dont care. fight it now dear. i let them know my children and husband are my priority.
ReplyDeleteYou sound very ungrateful. What was the value of 500k 12 years ago and u open ur mouth to call it only. All you small children be opening mouth with small brains on blogs.
DeleteMore Grace, you are trying.
DeletePls don't bite more than you can chew. Always send exactly what you can afford.
ReplyDeleteYou created this unfortunate situation. Nobody asked you to, you chose to so they must think you have it. You should have been saving your money for the day your scholarship ends. Your parents' children are their responsibility, not yours, so you had no business doing so much for your siblings especially since you are only on a scholarship. You created this mess and now the burden has gotten too much and you don't know how to unravel it.
ReplyDeleteTell them things have changed with your circumstances and you will not be able to send any money outside of birthdays and Christmas. When you do send money going forward, send just a minimal amount, so nobody thinks you have it like that. Wise up and never do anything like that again.
No matter how much you do,you can never please everybody.
ReplyDeleteDo whatever you can at a time.
your eldest sibling has a family he should personally be responsible for,not banking on you to provide the needs of his family.
You have so much ahead of you.You need to sit,think and plan ahead for your future.
Life is nothing without what if,{unforeseen occurrence}.
how did you get the scholarship i am interested
ReplyDeleteLike I always say, what you will not accept as a rich man, you reject it even if you are poor. Please STOP sending money to people now.
ReplyDeleteIt's time to stop sending money home entirely , I mean to everyone, I know it ll be hard but just close eye and do it , before anybody tries to tax you, you self drop story about bill anf being broke and close to getting chased out of your apartment cos rent isn't forthcoming , then they ll let you be. That's how my cousin and another aunty keeps taxing me and telling me shebi my husband is abroad not asking if I don chop or not. I came visiting hubby and they've started dropping direct and indirect messages about bringing something for them bla bla. Excuse me I'm not working here na sleep n wake I dey do.Nigerians and entitlement mentality are inseparable.
ReplyDeleteI will advise you lock up for a month. Don't call her or pick her calls.
ReplyDeleteIt will give her time to think through how much she has hurt you and how she will loose you because of her character.
Also, because of this her mindset, you have to deliberately and systematically reduce your financial responsibility in the house.
Aside their up keep, any other request, pay part and allow them hustle the rest.
I will also advice you to save and invest personally (not through your family). You don't know tomorrow.
Poster I think it is time you abandon your studies and go and look for work o. Add runs to it also so you can satisfy your family. After they have done so much for you. Is it their fault they gave birth to you. Better stop school and go look for work and send your whole pay cheque to them. You can always sleep on the street. Mschewwwww.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you,you're still young. You will know soon enuf. Nigerian parents have A1 in emotional blackmail. That's how my mother too does.
She never sees anything good in what I do. I bought her a CRV about 3yrs ago while I drive the same small kia for 10yrs now. The type of money I have sent to this woman I havnt spent it on myself. Recently I was looking through my old statements. Was just seeing transfer to my mother. 1m today, 100k tommorrow,400k and so it goes. I send her money monthly before and wasn't able to save 1kobo. I have stopped that for now as I need to also save for my future. She has a small flat at her house she collects rent to feed.
Last month because of small issue she sent me a message I shld forget i have a mother, that is it because she doesn't have money I speak to her anyhow. And meanwhile I didn't. I just told her I don't like the way she judges me because I'm not married. I was never rude.
I immediately reported her to my grandmother for that message. That one already knows her. I have stayed away now, I don't call her, don't do anything. I just need space for now. She is now the one calling me and looking for my face. She was telling me her friend who borrowed her 250k she used for her house is asking for the money bla bla. I just said okay ma.
I have decided to keep a very long space from her. Poster I advice this is what you should do. You didn't ask to be born. It is now time to face your own life. Give them space.
Don't buy land in naija now. Who will monitor for you .buy a house in the abroad and enjoy your thing
ReplyDeleteMy friend that travelled abroad for masters and told her mum to help her sell her car worth 3m. The money for the car has entered voice mail. The mother cant account for the money again, said she used out of it for house repairs.
DeleteMy friend is back now without car, she has to been jumping bus. She sold the car off because the mother was using the car anyhow and now she has to start saving allover again for a new car.
Dear poster, it’s time to drop sentiments and STOP sending money home.
ReplyDeleteMy dear that is almost what i am facing though i am based in Nigeria. madam, tell them that you dont have a job again, you are just working as a sales girl at weekends. STOP SENDING EVEN YOUR PARENTS MONEY FOR NOW. change ur fone number so that for the next 6 months no communication, if not you will used and never appreciated.YOUR MOTHER IS AN ENEMY OF PROGRESS.
ReplyDeleteNne just tell them you lost your side job and you have no money again.
ReplyDeleteAhhh poster, please calm down on the sending. ALWAYS have something saved up and send what you can per time. God sees your heart. I was emotionally blackmailed like that but though i indulge them from time to time, i do what i can and ask God to provide... and He always does.
ReplyDeleteI understand as a female child, which you sound like tends to take care of their family more. In your situation, you started by giving them the impression that everything is fine the moment you sent the first money to them.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever thought of being in a situation whereby you lost your scholarship or something happen? How will you fulfill your dream of completing your program? This is about you and not anyone else. If you call them every day, turn it to a weekly thing. Chat them up on WhatsApp only. Form busy even when you are not. When money talks come up just tell whoever that you are even thinking of contacting them for some assistance (note their reactions to you). Don’t send money to anyone except it is a life or death situation.
You have given them the impression that you hVe so much money, that's why your mom think she can tell you who and how to spend your excess money..
ReplyDeleteStop sending money to people and start complaining to them how financially unstable you are right now and started saving your money..
Don't let your mother guilt trip you into spending like MKO daughter o..
pls give them space
ReplyDeleteI was touched where you said they helped you when you were with them. My own I remember when I was in the University, especially my mother made sure she did not contribute one Naira to my education. Whenever I ask her for handout money, she will remind me that she did not go to University, if I could not meet up I could as well drop out.My advice to you is to continue with what you can afford, do not shut them out. When she notice that she cannot get more from you she will relax.
ReplyDeleteYOUR MUM IS JUST LIKE MY SISTER THAT RAISE COZ MY PARENT ARE LATE .................. SHE CAN DEMAND FOR AFRICA EVEN THO I STRUGGLE SO HARD TO GET EDUCATION YET SHE THINK ACCOMMODATING IS ENOUGH REASON FOR HER TO ORDER ME AROUND ON HOW TO SPEND MONEY EVEN WITH THE FACT THAT AM EARNING LITTLE SALARY
ReplyDeleteMy dear better change your phone number and don't call them for a month. If you don't do what gives you peace life will become tiring and you will become bitter. Help one person get a life changing help then tell the person to do like wise. You can't help every one oh. Start investing too!!! Good luck!!!
ReplyDeletedear you have created an impression that you are making money as a student,all you need do is to talk to your mother, let her know she is broadcasting you to the world that you are only sending those money out of love. then you need to start complaining too that your allowance has been reduced. and please stop sending millions home your are just a student except you have a sugar daddy over there.save your money and send money when it is critical.remember when you keep sending millions i wonder what you will spend when you come to niga you go buy car for popsy and mumsy and cap am wit house for banana.receive brain ijn
ReplyDeleteTaking care of you is your parents responsibility.
ReplyDeleteU get the drift.
Don't mix it up.
Now u love them but first u love ur self and ur health more.
Face it.
Momsi is a selfish and proud person.is time to count ur cost.
They say he who wears the shoes knows where it Hurst the most.
Now tell her u are having issues and u need prayers.
Find someone else u trust and start saving for land.
That again to see a trusted person very hard.
I could help u.
With signed documents.
Or u save over there.
If you have someone to help u buy a land when u have saved up pls do without hesitation.
If not;if u trust momsi when the amount is ok.
Pls give her to get a land.
Again I will advice u to buy land where u will see reasonable rentage after building.
I will advice u to check Abuja.
Land is expensive but u can get a million plus.
Building is cheap.
Again momsi may build for u and park family members there.
U will not see anything from it.
Rather inconvenience if u choose to come home.
My advice buy a land far from home.
If there is problem at home u can stay there and relax ur head whenever you come home.
Poster DO NOT listen to this person! Don’t buy any land in naija if you don’t plan on relocating to naija anytime soon! Build your self abroad and stop sending money home! For the next three to six months self do not send money to your parents at all!!! They’re working. They’ll be fine with or without your money. And completely stop sending money to your brother!!!! What is wrong with you!! I feel like slapping you back to reality. I’m so pained!!!
DeleteDon't by any land with which money? She is just a student. The more reason they will think she's a millionaire picking dollars from the ground.
DeletePlease save save save and save your money. Nothing is guaranteed when you finish school and you may not get job automatically that will be your saving grace.
When you start work you can resume sending your parents appropriate amount monthly. Nothing more than you can afford. Every other person let them go work, they ain't disabled.
Me I don wise. No more sending money to any motherfucker in naija. I don't even post picture on social media anylonger. Because I noticed that anytime I post a picture, my inbox go full with sob stories of how landlord has given them quit notice,no feeding money, hospital bill, birthday celebration, business capital! Kilode! I'm working my ass off here in America 12hrs daily winter oh, summer oh! Yet some mofos just want to suck you dry.
ReplyDeleteBia,are u me,am i u,is u me,is me u?abeg i live in Nyc,hit me up lets me friends.
DeleteHahahahah 😄😄😄 ike ndi naija agulam
DeleteMy dear you better learn to be selfish. You owe only your parents money. Why will you pay ypur brothers rent? It's not bad assisting your siblings tho but with you in mind too.
ReplyDeleteYoung single girls with small money go through what your are going through. My brother was my ish then............infact I paid for tye coffin used to bury his wife brothers. Fuel his car, give wife money in his behalf, give him money to donate to others🤣🤣🤣🤣 without my name being mentioned oooo. Just name it. Even his kids hospital bills sometimesjntil I got married my eyes clear. Right now he sees me as a rebellious child. I am glad we are a bit apart sha cos I don't know how to say no. I am learning now sha......
Wow! I live abroad and my mu hardly asks for money. I send money to her when I can. Even when she asks, she will say I should give her at my inconvenience.
ReplyDeletePoster, you gave your family the impression you have it loaded, that's why...but even at that, your mum should be protecting you not selling you out.
Lol...kpele, you will learn soon enough don’t worry.
ReplyDeletePoster, put your Parents on a monthly allowance that is comfortable to you. This is basically to show appreciation and support. Maintain a very good rapport with your Brother but you owe him nothing. Also, please note, that he doesn't owe you anything too. You can help once in a while when he calls for help but you have no business augmenting his family affairs. Let him man up and support himself. Anytime your mum calls you to support an outsider, let her know you might have to take it from her allowance that month. I did it for my mum when she was disturbing me to support a sister who wanted to throw a party. Hmnnnnn.. In this Nigeria... Ppl still dey throw party. Surprisingly, my mum said no. Cos her monthly allowance mattered a lot to her too.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you cut ties with them. I don't even believe in the assertion that family first some family can ruin your life when your finances is down they will leave you to ur fate. Block their number work hard and save after sometimes unblock their number. If they ask you why they have not heard from you. Tell them you are facing financial crisis. Make money now no allow may them use ur teeth do opener for drinks in family meeting. We can't please everybody.
ReplyDeleteTell your family dt u lost ur job. U av bills to pay and u don't know d way forward bcos u don't av any money.tell Dem to advice u on what to do.trust me their actions to u for just a month will tell u what's up u.r only relevant bcos of what dey can get.start saving ur money
ReplyDeleteI am in same category as you, I am abroad and on scholarship. I know your feelings. Just that I am a male and I can easily talk my mum to submission. My Dad has no problem .
ReplyDeleteHelping your family is fine but you have to also think of yourself.
Don't allow your family know your financial history.
You are in a mess already, the only way out is to stand on your feet that you don't have any money. Lie and lie like your life depends on it. Like start complaining. Call them on phone and lie that your scholarship is finished or slashed and you are still to finish you programme. How you struggle to eat and all that. You have to lie to come out of this mess. Insist you have no money. Just insist that you are willing to help and do all of these things just that you don't have money. Lie lie lie.
And the next thing is to save. Save save and save. You don't know what is going to happen after your scholarship. Imagine you don't get a job immediately after the scholarship.
Have a target to get something for yourself. Save towards it. Don't involve your family in this till you have saved to your target. If you want you can write me at atingbodo@gmail.com
Don't stop helping them but let it be at your own pace. What I learnt to do is to save 10 percent of my monthly stipend for family expenses. So I do the expenses. Anything not within the 10 percent, I don't have it. Just insist you don't have. Insist, lie lie. This is the only way to avoid this problem.
Moreover, it's not all lie. You don't really have it.
Hmmm.. like this thing is universal. I try to give my mom at times when I can, and whenever she doesn't have money like this we will hear stories of how she suffered ehn
ReplyDeleteMy dear na u cause d wahala for ur self na, my younger broda in u.s we almost drove him crazy with our endless demands for money d guy man changed him numb deactivated all social media accounts including WhatsApp, we changed pattern n started praying for him. He told us dat our wahala was too much, now we all are only entitled to one request annually, afta dat one he won’t grant anoda, wat am trying to tell u is dat u need to set boundaries
ReplyDeletePoster listen and listen well, a lot Nigerians are opportunist!!! They’re only friends with you or want to associate with you if they can leech off on you. Stop sending money completely to anyone that’s not your family!!!! Hell limit the amount you send to this your so called family! Focus on sending money to just your parents and let your mom know that’s what you can afford! You’re the cause of this wahala I swear. I’ve been in your shoes. They won’t stop!!! They’ll suck you dry! Your mom can get upset all you want but you’ve gotta put your foot down and stand your ground on what you can send home. With time she’ll get it. And I hate it when parents do this to their kids! They’ve supported you because they goddamn brought you into this world!!! They decided to fuck and bear children so how the hell is that your problem?!? It is their right to take care of you and cater to you growing up! Do not feel bad at all. If you continue sending money home this way, you will never save and stand on your own. I learned my lesson big time. Please stop sending money home and only limit it to your parents and send what you can afford. You come first!!! Gosh poster I’m so angry. Please stop immediately! Your mom will readjust one she sees you’re not backing down. This is not fair at all.
ReplyDeleteWe are putting on the same shoes. If I talk they will say I am rude and selfish.
ReplyDeletePoster DO NOT listen to this person! Don’t buy any land in naija if you don’t plan on relocating to naija anytime soon! Build your self abroad and stop sending money home! For the next three to six months self do not send money to your parents at all!!! They’re working. They’ll be fine with or without your money. And completely stop sending money to your brother!!!! What is wrong with you!! I feel like slapping you back to reality. I’m so pained!!!
ReplyDeleteYou need to learn to be ASSERTIVE.
ReplyDeletemy own is that my dad just won't under that I have responsibilities, my husband is not working presently everything is on me, but he has succeeded in making my siblings feel I don't want to help even after all I have done,we got a supply and made some money, but there are so many things that we need to do, not like we have even stabilized financially after suffering for this long, but they just keep blackmailing me that I made money I should give them not small oh, but million.my siblings are already acting somehow and I know it's cos my dad has poisoned their mind. God knows my heart if I had more than enough what stops me from helping.
ReplyDeleteThe OP is a compound fool. Cut your family off for a year. When your mom finally hears from you or receives a dime from you, she will be more appreciative. Alpha males are the ultimate.
ReplyDeleteYou have to be wise now and you have to play smart with them.You have to start complianing how broke you her and how you can't get work anymore as you have to focus on your education and even once in a while ask them if they could borrow you $100-$200.All na scop oo. You have to play on their intelligence once in a while
ReplyDeleteDisconnect transformer four everybody. Just go mute. Change lines for 2 or 3 months. Don't say Nada to them. Just let them know you are fine. Then later let them know the reason. If they don't change repeat the process
ReplyDeleteMy friend went to U.K. For masters(sponsored by his in law)after masters ,he got a job and was sending money to his married siblings and not saving money.His visa expired and he came back home to renew but he was declined,his fiancée was supposed to come to Nigeria so they will get married and he will go back since she's a citizen.She didn't come for one reason or the other,he kept looking for job,he got a car and started doing taxi till he got a job with a furniture company and jokingly applied for American visa and he got two years and my family paid 80 percent of the expenses for him to travel.All this while,no family helped him with anything.They all believed he was living recklessly hence why he doesn't have money again.He was sending like 500k home monthly so they think If can send such money,he should be making ten times that amount.I hope you pick your lessons from this my epistle.If you come back home and you are jobless,your mum will still insult you,your brothers wife will forget you were paying their rent and misbehave.They will all forget what you did in the past.So put yourself first,be selfish and save your money.
ReplyDeleteYou have to be wise oo, I am abroad too and I used to be like you until I finished school, couldn't find a decent job, all the debts piling..How so you start a family.. Abroad is not easy o, you need to save save save for rainy days and your future. It is emotional blackmail and sense of entitlement some parents have. Start complaining everytime you talk about how broke you are, stop giving all this money. They will insult you, talk about you but just "bone".
ReplyDeleteAnd pls don't buy any land in naija oo unless you are moving back after.
ReplyDeleteNigerians parents think they can control every aspect of their children's lives, including their finances. That's how my Mum said that instead of me paying my tithes, I should give the money to one of the students whose upkeep she took up. And she hasn't worked in a decade. I just laughed and in my mind I was like, "Whenever you decide to work, you can spend your tithe money on people you are trying to please."
ReplyDeleteEven now that I'm out of work, she would still ask me for money and provisions, explaining that her house is dry. Hubby and I buy household items and provisions in bulk. I would give her what can last for months knowing that it's just she and my dad at home (younger ones are in school). In a month's time, she's calling to beg for more provisions, explaining that she gave out most of them to her relatives who were in need. I'd just open my mouth in shock. Hubby and I are already doing our charity obligations privately. Why would she still give out what she needs use so that relatives would praise her 'generousity' only to come back in a few weeks to beg again? I was still even sacrificing to send money to my parents and siblings in school, but she keeps asking for more. I got so annoyed that I have decided that I'm not giving anyone a dime till I get back on my feet.