STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHEN THE COURTS FAIL YOU
Stella dear, would like to share my life journey into my marriage cause I need advice on what next to do. I got married in 2010 as soon as I finished my nysc traditionally to my husband.
Then I just wanted to get married and start having kids cause I wasn't getting any younger and he was the only man seriously asking for my hand in marriage. Though before he married me, he had married twice to other ladies but they left him cause of his altitude. When he came for me, he pleaded and begged and assured me he was a changed man.
When we were dating, he never showed any sign of his bad altitude towards me. He treated me with love and respect. When we eventually got married,his bad altitude surfaced. He could go out and come back late at night. We don't sit to discuss anything that concerns the family, he beats me blue black at every slightest provocation, he doesn't allow me go out or mingle with people Stella I really saw hell in my 5yrs of marriage with this guy.
But somehow I kept enduring for the sake of my 2 boys. On several occasion have I ran away with my kids but he comes crying and begging and I would still go back cause I wasn't working or earning money cause he didn't allow me to work or do business. Stella I couldn't bear the beatings anymore so I had to leave my kids with him and left the house.
I made up my mind to leave and never come back again. But I couldn't bear the fact that I left my kids of 3yrs and 5yrs then with him so I went back but he refused accepting me back. I went to my kids school to see them he got to know about it and he arrested me and my aunty and told the police I came to kidnap my kids.
Stella I and my aunty slept in the cell for 3 days before my dad bailed us out.
So after that I went to court for custody of my boys and divorce. Stella this case was in court for 3yrs before the court finally judged the matter on November 2018 granting him custody of my boys and divorcing us.
The court ordered me to go and meet him to tell me when I can be seeing my kids. Stella I have been trying to reach him to tell me when I will be seeing my kids but he keeps dodging me. For more than 3 yrs now I have not seen my kids. He is a very rich and wealthy man so he feels he can do anything and get away with it.
From what I heard, he took my kids to one boarding school in Akwa Ibom. My boys will be 8 and 6yrs this year. I really don't know what else to do since the court has failed me.
Is there any other agency or human right where they can actually help me get my kids or should I go back to court and tell them he has refused to let me see my kids or tell me anything about them. I just don't know what step to take next.
*I dont know what to say but this is a piece of advice for someone else reading..If you must leave,dont leave the kids behind,if they are still very small!!!
You can get the contact of Joe odumakin. She is a human right activist avd this is her area of specialization.
ReplyDeleteYpu should never have left without the kids. Do yoy have a job? What do you earn? The court will most likely grant custody to tge partner more financially stable
DeleteYou should never have left your kids. Women listen up! Never leave your kids with a man, not even for a week. Look at the man, he dropped them in a boarding school far away, a mother will think twice before doing so, in fact, she will keep her kids with her. Most men can’t look after children and the ones who try will use other women - girlfriends, mother, sisters, neighbors etc. please women, never leave your children behind. Drink garri with them etc, they are better with you the mother
DeleteI understand your plight. The only mistake you made was to live the kids with him before you left. You gave him a chance to prove that the kids are good under his care and that you abandoned them. Are you working? Cos that's another thing. God will fight for you. This is actually where I dealt with my husband. I didn't let my emotions take over, I swallowed plenty and made sure I was with my kids before the court process started.
DeletePlease leave the kids you font have a job. No court or human right will give you that right. Only what you will seek is time to see your kids. Nobody will give you custody
DeleteWhat à mess. This is sad.
DeleteYou left your kids. There is little anyone can do. All the arguments that work in favor of women were defeated when you let your kids
DeleteThis sounds like one insane Nnewi fool I know lives in Calabar got another lady pregnant recently, if he is d one, Nne go find an activist because he fears intelligent lawyers
DeleteMadam poster, in this life we win some, we lose some. Move on and do better next time. Besides, I think your own altitude is worse than the man's altitude; no reasonable man will allow a good woman go without cogent cause......
DeleteKing of 19:00, you are very very stupid.
DeleteAnd no, I am not the poster!!!
You left your kids? You played into his hands. Shebi judge have judge d matter, e don finish.
DeleteYou are divorced already, no access to the children, I'm so sorry for you
Why must you leave without your kids in the first place. Court did not fail you .You fail yourself.
ReplyDeleteStop it please! You don't know the circumstances.
DeleteShe has told you her predicament, dont judge her on that but adivce her on what to do if you know any.
DeleteThe poster is already feeling bad. She needs practical advices that would help her out of the situation, not judgements please
DeletePrecious u can kill with those words. Someone is down and I r kicking them again. U shdnt b like this pls. She is going tru a lot already
DeleteNawa oooooo
ReplyDeleteI hate to hear where a mother Will leave her marriage without her little kids
ReplyDeleteAbeg shift.. The deed has been done, what's the way forward. Always judging like you're perfect.
DeleteSHUT UP PLEASE!!!
DeleteDont mind her ! if you havent got anything tangible to say just tyoe "eh ya and move on "
DeleteYou saw the signs madam. 2 ex wives and still decided to marry cos time wasn't on your side.
ReplyDeleteFor you to have married after Nysc means you were 27 and below. What time are you referring to.
Carry your cross because you saw the signs and still entered. Now two poor boys are suffering.
Please way forward.... Stop judging her.
DeleteWow...I really feel sorry for you.Hope everything get resolved on time because soon the kids won't have emotional attachment with you especially with a dad that might have poisoned their mind against you...
ReplyDeleteNumber 1) Get a job, stable income and live independently.
ReplyDeleteafter you have evidence of stable consistent income for atleast for 6 Months then go BACK to court
number 2) File for a visitation order review and explain to the court that your ex hubby has not allowed you contact with your kids.
Show written evidence via texts and emails where you have asked for visitation rights and he has declined and/or delayed....he say she say doesnt hold water in court....family meetings also do not hold water in courts unless its recorded via video or audio.
A judge will not disrupt the children and immediately hand them to you...IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN because for 3 yrs they have been under the care of their father who whilst he may have been a shitty husband to you, may be able to demonstrate he is a good father to his kids.
If you are successful with visitation rights/orders, after 5 or 6 months, request share physical custody (this is when the kids come to spend holidays with you - it may start initially with weekends only, then increased to holidays - depending on how the court assesses their interactions with you following the initial brief sleepovers)
Finally, that you are the mother doesnt give you an automatic sole custody of a child...the child's wellbeing always trumps all factors.
It is not going to be an overnight thing, you are looking at 2 - 3 years realistically due to the slow legal process but at the end, you will get your children with you under the same roof.....however if you choose to hands off now and wait till they are adults, God helps you what you encounter in terms of behaviour when they eventually reconnect with you as adults.
God bless you for telling poster the process and how.
DeleteI look at my 8-year and 6-year olds and wonder how they'll be feeling about the absence of their mother. Only God knows the lies he's been feeding them.
I pray you do something fast to at least see your kids and rekindle your relationship.
God help you dearie.
Thank you.
DeleteGOD BLESS YOU
DeleteGod bless you sylvia
DeleteYou will never be let down in life for this kind words to the poster.
DeleteSylvia! May God reward you for this advice...poster listen to Sylvia and follow the process highlighted above.
DeleteGood comment from Stella...No matter what do not leave your children especially when they are not independent.
ReplyDeleteI hate women who leave their kids behind for any reason with passion.
ReplyDeleteI hate the idea of living kids behind too!
DeleteMy girlfriend suffered (psychologically and emotionally) because her mother left her when she was only two years old. Her father had to quickly marry another woman to help raise her, thank God the woman was a good woman, she raised my girlfriend like she carried her for nine months. Her biological mother is like a stranger to her today.
I hate ! i hate ! she probably wasnt thinking straight when she left.
DeleteShut up your mouth jare. Do you know the circumstances she was under that she had to leave. If she had stayed becos of these same kids and she died you would have judged her. If she had carried these kids and one of them falls I'll and dies you would have judged her. Abeg make Una take am easy with your judmental selves. Mschewww
DeleteGo back to court. You have visitation rights. You should have left with them in the first place...you paved way for him to have custody of them
ReplyDeleteNa wa......o,i think court gave him custody cos you dont have anything doing to take care of the children
ReplyDeleteThe Court gave him custody of the kids because he must have lied and tarnished her reputation as a Mother. The burden of proof is now on you. You need to get a job and prove that you are capable of taking care of the kids. I am sure he had a good lawyer too. The Judge was wrong sha. The kids were too young to be with their Father only. Only a Mother can provide that emotional comfort kids that young need.
DeleteGood luck to you madam. Please try all you can to get your kids back. Dont forget to update us too. All the best ma'am!!
For now I'll advise you to get something doing, it's going to be a very though battle. Similar thing happened to my aunt , after several years he allowed her to visit the kids. Look for job,try to love again and if possible have more children, one-day he'll call you on phone to come see the kids or the kids will find you . Hold on to God, you'll be alright .
ReplyDeleteNigerian women always thinking about men and having more kids... you need serious brain resetting. Someone that has 2 kids she can't see, you want her to have more kids as what? they will console her?
DeleteShe needs a job and a steady life for herself to take back her kids before thinking of dicks that will bring more problem to the one she has, and marriage for now is a no no.
Very sorry about your situation, but u must say, the Court didn't fail you.
ReplyDeleteUsually, the court grants custody of young kids to their mums, but in situations where there is doubt as to the stability of the mum, the court would do otherwise. I believe that is what is happening here.
What you can do now is get a private lawyer or contact a the federation of female lawyers in Nigeria/ministry of women affairs. They can start by pursuing a contempt proceedings against him in the same matter. This is because as it is, he is in breach of the terms of the judgment. That would be a good point to start.
Smart move
Deletethis is serious. does the court grant custody of children to the man or woman especially when they're still very young.those kids growing up without you is not so good
ReplyDeleteby the way he had two previous marriages before he met you and you think you will be the one to change him? you should have waited for your time than settled for this man.
may God grant you Grace and wisdom to go about this issue
The court can actually grant the father of the kids custody, since they were already living with him without their mother.
DeleteAnd she didn't get a good solicitor too.
This one weak me
ReplyDeleteLet this be a warning to other women. Take this from a man. If a man has been divorced 2ce before he is very bad news. Your pussy is not made of sparkles for you to think he can change. Now before you marry such a man, collect so much money that you are able to secure the services of a family lawyer and put the rest in an account and build up your rainy day money. I am not saying you should expect the marriage to fail but If you then marry and you are being maltreated, keep records! Report EVERY incident and make sure you visit a neutral hospital and get a doctor's report. But nbanu, women will be covering up crap and getting overly emotional, screaming and shouting. Men know how to manipulate and use the system that already favours the to their advantage. You have been warned.
ReplyDeleteGbammest!!!!
DeletePoster sorry about your ordeal but your situation must change 1st before you can contest the current ruling of the court. 1st things 1st, are you working now; how comfortable are you to take care of the kids? It's sad but its the law.
ReplyDeleteAs for seeing your kids, your ex must have someone he listens to or fear. Please humble yourself and go and plead with that person to help you. Don't expect much from the beginning and don't flaunt rules that might be given to you to see them if you succeed. Example, if your ex says bring them back after 2 hours, make sure you do that. He's a human being, at a point his conscience will prick him and he will allow you more access to them. All the best.
Poster follow this advice carefully. 👆
DeleteLet the court know he has refused to let you see your children. Such wickedness
ReplyDeleteU see all these serial divorced men, fear them.
ReplyDeleteGo to the ministry of women affairs and social welfare in the state you both live in. They will help you take him to court again if he refuses to let you see the kids. Of which is taking the kids really worth it sef. My mum suffered to get custody of the 3 kids she had from her first marriage struggled to train them with the support of my dad. She’s now retired and her first child from those three is a millionaire but does nothing for my mum but rather was taking care of their dad who contributed nothing to his training. Recently my mum wasn’t paid her pension and she reached out to her son n guess what he asked her why she didn’t save enough money for her future that if she had she won’t have to be relying on any child now at her age. Thank God I’m doing very ok so I just told my mum to never ask him for anything again. So before u kill urself over any child just know that sometimes those children sef may not be nice to you later
ReplyDeleteThis your opinion is some how good. My wife left with my daughter and openly told me to arrange when I will be seeing her. I was shocked, I told myself I won't do that. Let her go with her, my obligation is to send them money . let God take control of what she will be tomorrow. I can't come and kill myself. After this year, I will look for another woman to marry.
DeleteYou’re a foolish sorry excuse of a father thank God she left you. Some men are looking for visitation right dem no see. Sperm droppers
DeleteOga, You need to be in your daughter's life. Your Ex, was nice enough to tell you about seeing your child but you refused. Do you know the pain your child is going through. You need to call your EX, and make arrangements to visit YOUR CHILD. That will mean a lot to her.
DeleteAnon 17:40 your ex wife gave you the option of seeing your child and you're deliberately refusing? The poster is crying cos her ex won't allow her see her children; you're here boasting that you've thrown away the chance you were given. And see the way you are saying you will go and marry another woman (it doesn't sound like you give a damn about the unfortunate woman you'll marry) - I think I see why your ex left you. You were a terrible husband to her and you are now a bad father to your innocent child. Your obligation is to send money, abi? You want to inflict daddy issues on a small girl, who won't understand why her father doesn't want to see her. Then, the day she's getting married, you'll open your dirty mouth to demand honour that is not your own. If you don't do right by your child and ex-wife, and you insist on going ahead to
Deletemarry someone else - I pray that God will ensure you marry a woman that will treat you so badly, that you will regret being born. Because you're such a horrid man. How can your first daughter be fatherless when you are still alive? What are you living for? Useless excuse for a man.
Anonymous 17:40 so Bcos ur wife left. U won't see ur child even after she granted u visitation. U r a sorry add father. U should be happy your wife is understanding. Probably your big ego is ur deathtrap
DeleteAt anonymous 18:37 Thank you oh. See the way d man is acting like sending money to his child is his only responsibility. May b that was his mindset in marriage and it crashed. Oga if u like marry ten wives if u Don't change ur attitude the next one 'll still leave. Mbok!
DeleteAnon 15:28 you don't take care of a child because you are looking for someone to be nice to you later in life. You do it because you're doing your most sacred job as a PARENT.
DeleteThen, have you heard from your step-brother about why he's doing what he's doing? To ascertain whether he's angry with your mother about something (whether justified or not), or if it's even a spiritual attack? Does he have any relationship with your mother, or does she just contact him for money? I don't know you; these are just questions I'm asking cos there is definitely something going on, that you don't know about.
How do I know? Cos no child does what you say your step-brother is doing, without an explanation that makes sense to him/her. My mother has some similarities with your mum. I grew up seeing and hearing about all that she has done for people who don't repay her. I used to be like you, defender of my mother. Till certain things happened in my presence, which led me to prayerfully research. My eyes opened and I understood why virtually none of those people wants anything to do with her. Let's just say there's some bad a person can do, that will wipe out all the memory of every good they have done. I'm not saying your mother is the same. I'm just saying that while what you are seeing may be true, it's not the whole picture.
ALWAYS TRY TO FIND OUT WHAT TRULY HAPPENED IN HIS PREVIOUS MARRIAGE BEFORE MARRYING A DIVORCED AFRICAN MAN. AFRICAN WOMEN ONLY LEAVE THEIR MARRIAGE AT THE POINT OF DEATH...
ReplyDeleteHe could have bribed the judge
ReplyDeleteI'm sure he bribed the judges before they grant him custody of his kids. I think you should go back to the court to inform them that he refused you seeing your kids. May God help you pull through. I can imagine the kind of emotional torture you will be going through as if the one u suffered in his hand is not enough
ReplyDeleteVery heartless! You left your children behind with such a man as you described above?
ReplyDeleteHe might have been a good father but bad husband
DeletePoster you shouldn’t have left them with him but what’s done is done. From the chronicle,
ReplyDelete1. You don’t have a job or business
2. Your ex-husband is wealthy/ rich
The court saw this that’s why Mr ex-husband was granted custody. Work on yourself. Get a job or start a business. In essence, be financially stable.
Your only consideration for marriage was age factor, that is the reason for this rubbish..For a man who has been twice, all of a sudden tells you he has changed and you are quick to believe because you needed to settle down as fast as possible.
ReplyDeleteYour desperation covered your mind from praying about it and keenly observing him. That man wouldn't have succeeded in hiding all of his bad attitude, poster I bet you didn't observe since he was 'caring'... spoiling you with gifts. You were not interested in meeting him for him.You wanted the marriage more than he did as someone that is old enough to settle without mental maturity of what marriage and motherhood is all about.
You left a 3yrold and came back when you felt you were cool ie you come first before your children. I am pained wondering what your children are going through
well, mistake is done, try and sort it out yourself
Poster, I will tell you the truth which you probably already know; you fucked up big time!
ReplyDeleteHow can you go with a man that has been married twice, and to top it all, you left your toddler kids with an abusive man and left.
I always tell women, never leave your kids behind, Never!!, especially not in a country like Nigeria.
If you want to leave, always leave with your kids. If you had left with your kids, the court wouldn't have granted him full custody.
You both were supposed to have agreed on your visitation rights before signing the divorce agreement.
You need to contact a divorce lawyer... They are in the best position to help in this case.
Mothers please, never leave your kids behind!!!
At least they are two, You would have left with them even if is garri una dey soak. I feel sorry for for those innocent kids 😑😶😐
Deleteshut up bitch....trust you to look for every opportunity to open your judgmental arse and fart rubbish. she needs a way forward and if u cant help zip it. we don't know her reality so don't judge and recount her mistakes.
DeleteSweetheart, what's done is done. However, as a cautionary tale to those who are not yet married, divorcees deserve a second chance but please, when a man or woman has 2 ex-spouses already and is aspiring to make you the 3rd spouse, be very vigilant and do your due diligence. Where 2 others ladies or 2 other gentlemen have failed, don't be too quick to assume you have the midas touch. Be "woke" enough to realise that there's a high probability that there's something fundamentally wrong with the person with 2 failed marriages.
ReplyDeletePlease, don't get me wrong. It's not absolute. There are a few unfortunate instances where someone relatively blameless just has tough luck when it comes to love and marriage. However more often than not the reverse is the case.
Honey, I'm a bit surprised that the dissolution of a traditional marriage took about 3 years in court. It's done at the customary court and within a year or 18 months, tops, the marriage is dissolved. Especially where it is clear that the marriage has broken down irretrievably.
I will advise you to get a lawyer who will file a motion in the prescribed form at the court that made the custodial order to inform the court that you have not been able to see your kids in 3 years because he makes it impossible for you to meet him and discuss how to see the kids. I wonder why the court didn't make a more defined custody arrangement. To make matters worse, you've waited too long, the time to appeal the custodial order has elapsed.
All hope is not lost, though. Just get a good lawyer who is vast in family law, unfortunately sweetie, that isn't my area of expertise. Good luck.
e-hugs.
I'm guessing the dissolution took so long cos of when they actually went to court. They would have to return brideprice first, and depending on the circumstances and where she's from, returning of brideprice isn't the easiest thing to do. For instance, the brideprice of an Igbo woman is an intentionally drawn-out process especially when there are children from the union. I don't know where the poster is from.
DeleteThe custodial arrangement seems to be that he has full custody. Customary courts feel skewed in favour of the father in the first place, only for her to play herself like this. From what she says, it appears they've left it to the man to decide when she can see the children; there's no court ordered visitation schedule. Which in very unsavoury terms translates to "she's pretty screwed".
Apart from following some steps, Jesus is the only one that can help this woman's case...
Lol @ "she's pretty screwed". You are absolutely right, sweetie. I didn't even consider the various native laws and customs. If not for the custody issue, typically the return of the bride price essentially ends a traditional marriage. I guess the customs vary.
DeleteI wish she acted on time, though. After all Equity aids the vigilant... Still hoping against hope for her, even if it's some form of "unofficial arrangement". Where there's a will, there's usually a way.
Thanks for your comments, sweetie, it offered a different perspective on this matter, a better perspective as a matter of fact and law.
e-hugs.
Humanbeings can judge for Africa, be in her shoes and come back to tell us your own story .... The deed has been done, She needs your advice not your stupid self righteous comments.. . If you don't have an advice then shut up.... You don't have to say anything. .. .
ReplyDeleteThis is the same people that have advised women suffering in their marriages to sometimes leave the kids behind if they can't take care of them, then go back for them when things are better.
DeleteBut now, they have changed mouth
I can't even blame you poster cos only u knew what u went through before taking such tough decision.
So many reasonable advice has been given up there. I hope one works for you. Most importantly, if you don't have something doing, like a job, pls find a way to start something before fighting for custody. This makes u look better in court
Very very selfish woman! You had the mind to leave behind 3yr old and 5yr old. Gush!!! This is breaking my heart.
ReplyDeleteAnon:16:15
DeleteUr a very stupid human!!
Y cnt u advise her n stop d judgment
Ekwensu oshi!
You married him because 'time wasn't on your side' hope time is on your side now because this legal battle may just be a long one. First you need money for a good lawyer, go back to court so the court can grant you visitation right, after that move for shared custody.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know how to insult you for marrying a man two women left because of his stinking attitude, you na married him because time wasn't on your side while its really because of his money. You are Foolish dzall.
Another (foolish fourth wife) girl will soon fall for this man's wealth and marry him and begin to torture those kids.
ReplyDeleteMadam, get to work with lawyers again. Go to human right lawyers (if they still exist in Nigeria). Try the CIDJAP (look for them in the catholic church. the last 3 letters means justice and peace). Let the court process go on but know that you will probably have to prove that you are financially capable to take care of those kids. Are you working now; what do you earn etc.?
Above all, fast and pray to God and allow him to give you justice.
The courts didn't fail you. In custody cases, young children are given to the mother unless it can be proven that she is an unfit mother. You helped your ex prove that you're an unfit mother by kidnapping two small, underaged children. This is after you left them behind. You planned to leave. You weren't running for your life when you left. You weren't kidnapped or forced out at gunpoint. You left on your own WITHOUT YOUR KIDS. Then, you stayed away for how long, with no contact. You weren't on a sickbed or a deathbed. In the eyes of the court, you abandoned your children. Did your lawyer not hint you about how courts look at women who abandon their children? Even if you had plenty of money like Rahma Indimi, no court will grant custody to a mother who abandons her children and reappears out of nowhere without a reasonable explanation. In the eyes of the law, your ex is more responsible and stable cos you left them with him when you ran, and he has a source of income. So, no matter how many tantrums you throw, they will not remove the children from a stable environment and give them to you, just because you're feeling maternal. Your ex can even argue that the children don't remember you anymore, so your presence is disruptive to them and you're a danger to their mental wellbeing. I'm not trying to be a b*tch; I'm just telling you what the legal position is, which your lawyer would/should have told you.
ReplyDeleteI've already explained under a different post about why cases take so long to be heard. But in case you need a reminder, or you didn't read it the first time - courts have a calendar. Wherever there is space is where they'll put your case. Everyone's case is urgent. Even with murder trials, there is no emergency - the dead is already dead.
What you should do?
1) If it's not God you're talking to, stop whining and snivelling like a f*cking weakling. Your lawyer will only give you tissue paper, your friends will say "Eeeh yah" and courts will see you as unstable. Unstable women win on social media, not in court.
2) Find out exactly where your children are. Visit with them as the court has ordered. Stick to exactly what you're allowed, no more, no less. Unless it's a life/death issue, don't miss a day of visitation. If you have to move to where your kids are, fine. Don't stalk them. Don't get or entertain any ideas about taking them cos the courts will side with your ex when he applies to ensure that you don't see them again till they're 18.
3) Get something doing. I don't know you, but I'd imagine that one of the reasons the courts didn't give you custody is that they weren't impressed with your financial level in the 3yrs it took to get to court. You don't have to be earning millions. No matter the temptation, don't do any work that will cause the court to see you as unfit. Jobs like armed robbery, runs, 419, porn star, etc are on this list.
4) When you've worked for like six months (make sure you've been visiting your children), get a lawyer to apply to the court for increased visitation time. This will buy you time.
5) If your ex is as bad as you say, you'll be able to find evidence that he (or how he behaves, the people around him, his work) is a danger to them. This is not the time for you to be petty. So, silly things like "he makes them eat eba twice a day" are out of it.
6) Return to court. But depending on the outcome of #5, ask your lawyer if you can amend your suit to request joint or full custody.
This will take time, but should be really straightforward - unless something horrible happens like your ex decides to fly them out of Nigeria, something happens to your enemies' children, etc.
Your advice is useless after the unnecessary bashing you just gave the woman. Don't judge someone if you've never worked in their shoes
DeleteYou just give her a clear idea of what she should do or kiss the kids good bye for a long time.
DeleteNo one took the kids away from you, you dumped them yourself, that's your misdeed.
Eka this poster here didn't judge, she only typed out what plays in court in reality and the message/picture the husband's attorney would have painted in court.
DeleteShe is actually being objective.
I feel like slapping the shediot. From the onset you can tell she’s a very selfish being for marrying for her own gain. I left my abusive ex without a penny while pregnant with a sick child, with only the clothes on my back. We suffered together now we’re enjoying together
DeleteEka Joy - lol. It's a legal issue & it's free legal advice. She can go pay a lawyer and get told the exact same thing, if they don't do her turn turn.
DeleteThis is the nonsense many Nigerian women do; men whoop you silly in court cos even when you have money, you're looking for tissue-giving, tea-making, barely literate McKenzie friends. You get into court and conduct yourself like an emotional wreck or a hysterical wench, and wonder why you lose. Men on the other hand, get people who are legally trained, competent and will tell them straight up where they went wrong and how to fix it. You're here talking trash & looking for who to pamper mistakes. I'm not walking in her shoes; I didn't marry an unsuitable man in haste, make him the father of my children, then abandon my children. It's not the job of even a first year Law student to be your friend and put themselves in your shoes. Nobody with even one Law degree is trained to be or walk in your shoes.
Poster, feel free to ignore EVERY thing I've said at 16:30. Eka Joy may be able to help you get your children back with her "non-judgemental, useful advice" by next week.
Amendment to #2 of my post above - from your post, the courts left decisions about visitation to your ex. Please, go to someone your ex respects, so that a schedule can be worked out for you to see your kids. Then, stick with the schedule, and go from there.
Deletestupid judgemental bastard...fuck your advice cos it is not from a good heart...I can bet my royal smooth arse the man used his wealth to get that judgement..no sane judge will hear of all the abuse, twice divorced and not give shared custody to an abused woman....thunder fire you and your advice. goat
Deleteyou are an arrogant stupid idiot...as for you don no right thinking self loving woman should ever have anything to do with a chauvinistic pig like you...idiots
DeletePoster, you should not have left your children for ANYTHING, I don't blame the court o assuming you took them along atleaat you would have been granted 1 out of them in a worst case scenario but as it is now, you have to keep begging him and take the matter to his family, I pray and hope he listens because all the blame that shisho be put on the man is now on you
ReplyDeleteI remember when I finally decided to leave my ex,he said I didn't bring kids to his house and I won't go with any, I hear! The day I finally moved,I left with Everything I purchased with my money except the plasma TV,and he was bragging all about that I should give him his daughter, na so I do shakara one day, tell him to come and pick her in the shop with all her clothings that I no wamw again sef,that I want to flex and enjoy my life, since then,he never try that thrash with me...and I know once she is 10 she will decides who shewants to finally stay with....poster, God will step in for you oh because he is the only one that can help you out in this situation
ReplyDeletePray very hard that your ex doesn't have a recording of you saying that he should come and collect her with all her clothes so that you can flex and enjoy your life. Cos if he has a recording and a court accesses it, only Jesus will be able to help you argue your way out.
DeleteYou are right @1708. My Sister's Husband, was mad she got a job against his advise. Whenever she was leaving for work, the kids will hold her legs crying, 'Mommy, don't gooooo" We did not know that was what their Dad told them to do. He filed for seperation and the court, gave my Sister custody of the kids. Guess what? Her Husband, told the court he has recording of their kids crying and saying , 'Mommy don't go" as she abandons them for days and weeks. Thankfully, the court did not accept the recording because they did not know the condition under how the tapes were obtained. Fear some Nigerian Men oo!! My Sister, never knew he kept tape recorders in the living room. I remember the day she go concerned. Called me and stated, "I don't know how my kids always cry whenever l want to leave for work. Which kind new thing be this? I never suspected anything too.
DeleteYou are right @1708. My Sister's Husband, was mad she got a job against his advise. Whenever she was leaving for work, the kids will hold her legs crying, 'Mommy, don't gooooo" We did not know that was what their Dad told them to do. He filed for seperation and the court, gave my Sister custody of the kids. Guess what? Her Husband, told the court he has recording of their kids crying and saying , 'Mommy don't go" as she abandons them for days and weeks. Thankfully, the court did not accept the recording because they did not know the condition under how the tapes were obtained. Fear some Nigerian Men oo!! My Sister, never knew he kept tape recorders in the living room. I remember the day she go concerned. Called me and stated, "I don't know how my kids always cry whenever l want to leave for work. Which kind new thing be this? I never suspected anything too.
DeleteCan you lot stop speaking like ignorant creatures! !! !!!!! You don't understand the court system in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteIt is not her fault that she wasn't granted custody.
Now you umderstand why many women stay with the husband despite the suffering. Because they dont want to leave their kids behind and yet they are not financially dependent to leave with the kids because they cant afford to take care of them on their own. Every woman should have something doing to ensure you are not too financially dependent on a man. Your life decisions will be easier to make and you dont have to die in a violent marriage. May God help us.
ReplyDeleteYou kept running away and coming back, you finally ran away without your kids, then you took him to court for a divorce.
ReplyDeleteSorry you can't get close to those kids for now, no matter what you do. Brat it and move on.
You are not just wicked but stupid too. If you don't know what to say, shut it!
DeleteMy dear pls its not over yet.there Is a better judge in heaven just go to the court in heaven and lay your complain and c God in action.
ReplyDeleteGirls will marry with no job, no money and no personal plan...smh
ReplyDeleteThat man just used you to have kids
From what you wrote you can’t take care of the kids or give them a life and you first abandoned them in the eyes of the court.
Go get a job and build yourself up....human right agency won’t take care of those kids
Poster I’m sorry you went through all that you did, some people have given very good advice, ignore all the judgmental comments about you abandoning your kids blah blah blah. Obviously you had to save your life to be alive to even see the kids in future.
ReplyDeleteMy own mum left 4 of her 5 kids when her ex used to beat her black and blue for 10 years. The day she left he wanted to beat her with a cutlass that’s how she ran with her last born who was two years old on her back. She had been wanting to leave but because of her kids she didn’t. She had been hospitalised so many times. Eventually after she left with the last child, her mother in law came a few weeks later and insisted she handover the last child. That’s how she lost 5 kids just like that. Africa can be so unfair to women. She would try to visit them in school like you did and bribe the school admin to not tell him. When he found out he changed their school.
Shebi all those kids have grown up now and they know their dad is no angel, so many women have come and gone because his attitude never changed. Although they didn’t grow up with their mum they still love her. Time heals so many things. They call her and visit when they can (she’s abroad).
Poster everyone makes mistakes, life comes with its up and downs. Stay strong, make a plan and work towards it with all your strength.
A wise man once said that when we have done all we can with everything at our disposal, God steps in with a miracle. Do your part and leave the rest to God.
thank you. I said it up there that by now those kids know the kind the father they have...poster just try get your life back first then pursue seeing them again. Gods knows why you left, your kids will not hate you by Gods grace. God never defines us by our mistakes and he will work all things together for your good
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