Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmmm,One mans pomo.....

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

SACRIFICING ALL FOR MOTHERHOOD

Good day madam Stella and my fellow Bvs , I don’t know if this is a chronicle, a story time thingy or just my way of pouring out my heart and relieving my self of all these worries . Please , bear with me if this is disjointed or difficult to follow.


When I was 18, my friends where all getting married but I had no interest in marriage at the time . One of them asked me why I didn’t want to get married and my response was that I wanted to get to a point of stability in my life first before I think of marriage. I told her I wanted to complete my education up to PhD level, own my own company and have lots of houses before I got married . She told me that I could have it both ways , be married and still pursue my dreams . I laughed and told her no , that marriage slows you down , before you know it you have children and that’s it’s for your ambitions, you are stuck changing diapers and going for swimming lessons and piano recitals . I was always ambitious and driven , and had what most people will call unrealistic dreams . Of course I was younger when I said those things and as I grew older, I came to realise that realistically speaking it’s not a neither nor. I convinced myself that I could actually have them both , career , money , and family.




So I set out new goals for myself , to get married at 27 whether I have gotten to my set target career-wise at that age or not . When I was 25 I met an amazing man, whose goals align with mine and I knew he was the one . We where both ambitious, both professionals and we both had similar goals , so it was really easy to plan our future together . It seems my life was falling into place , because I was planning my future with the love of my life and I was still on track with furthering my career plus I had a great job lined up with a foreign company.




We got married few months to my 27th birthday and I was to move to another country to start the new job few months after we got married . We used the few months in between to get hubbies professional registration sorted for the country we were moving to , so that he will start work as soon as he joins me . I quit my job here in Nigeria because I needed to get ready and plan myself before my big job/move . So I had like this 4 months gap where I was jobless and didn’t have anything doing . I convinced myself that it was time to have a baby, things seem to be on the right track and it was time to have a baby.


Now lemme state that I love my baby girl, and she is the greatest giftt of life . But I know I got pregnant because I had nothing doing and I was bored and I convinced myself that being pregnant will keep me busy. Hubby tried convincing me to hold on, let’s both stabilise in the new country before we think of having a baby, but I wouldn’t hear it . By the time I left Nigeria for my new job I was 2months pregnant.


Hubby joined me over here , I had my baby and hubby got a good job too. Months after I had my baby I was gearing to return back to work but hubby got and even better job in another town . So I had to resign from my job, I told them I won’t be returning to work after my mat leave . Now where hubby got this job is a village setting , hence there was not much opportunity for me . I couldn’t get a job there but I got lots of offers from the neighbouring towns. The problem was that the distance was much , I have to leave the house as early as 6.30 and get home as late as 8pm. It’s either that or I move to the town with my daughter and hubby comes to visit us weekends . 

This means that my daughter has to be spending 14 hours in the nursery some days , and nurseries don’t work like that . Or my daughter will be apart from her father for most of the days , and that’s not fair on either father or daughter. Some friends suggested live in nanny or home based child carer, but we were not comfortable with any of that . So at the end of the day we decided it was best I stay home and care for my child at least for now , since my working isn’t essential for our growth as a family. Hubby earns a lot so for me working wasn’t about contributing to the family , but building a career and growing.



So am at that point where I have to sacrifice my career for family, and am thinking to myself ‘18years old me was actually right ‘. How do women who take a break from career to raise a family do it ? How do they cope ? I have been a house wife for 2 years now and I don’t love it. My friends are all progressing in their careers, doing big things and flying around the world for conferences and I am stuck at home . I had to delete social media because seeing all what my friends are doing makes me sad, I have this voice in my head that constantly says,”that could have been you”. 

Hubby tries to cheer me up by taking us on vacation at any slightest opportunity he gets , sometimes up2 4x a year . But that’s not what I want , I don’t want to be enjoying my husbands money , I want to make my own money. I am not a business kind of person so I couldn’t even consider business . They say ,’know thy self’ and I know am a corporate kind of lady.


I turned my focus on my daughter when we agreed I will be a housewife . I drew up a schedule for her, I teach her , read to her , play with her and so on. I do my research on what to do and what not to do when it comes to children at each point in time or at each age she reaches . What I am trying to say is, I have put in the work when it comes to my girl. But when I see videos of 2 year olds reading while my girl can’t even point words on a flash card it makes me feel as though I am failing as a mother . 

I know kids grow and do things at their own pace , but considering the work I put into my girls mental development, I expect her to be spectacular. Don’t get it wrong , she is amazing and smart and slightly even better than her mates but I want her to be better .


I appreciate all I have and I am not trying to be ungrateful to God. I love my family and I love my daughter in particular, I don’t regret having her and I never have . Sometimes, we just can’t help but feel sad about situations we don’t necessarily want to change .

*Dont worry,you will be fine..I also went thru this process...just enjoy this moment and dont let that 'feeling' spoil anything for you!!!

You will soon realise that Motherhood is the icing to the cake of your life!!!