STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DEALING WITH A TOXIC AND MANIPULATIVE MOTHER
Hello Mrs Stella,my name is Michael and i seriously need your help and that of bvs to advice me on an issue before I lose my mind totally
My dad has been outside the country for about 4 yrs now trying to make life better for his family and my so called mother has been trying to sabotage our relationship(don't know what she stands to gain from it) to the extent that I can't even call and talk to him cos she has filled his head with all sorts of lies and malicious things just to get him to always approve whatever she wants to do with my life.
Recently I came back from school(I school and live in Lagos with her and I'm a guy of 22) because of the strike and it has been one problem or the other. If I tell her about the plans I have for myself,she'll mock and downplay me totally which made me keep things to myself a lot and it seems to have angered her so much that she doesn't know about me again that she decided to call my dad to tell him that she doesn't know who I am anymore that I don't tell her things again that I'm a wicked child that she's seen it in me and my dad being the brainwashed man he is starts insulting me that why won't I talk to my mum?
Lord knows i've explained and explained to him too but her stand is it and mine is not always good for him. It is now so bad that I can't even wait for the strike to be called off so I can move back to school. My mum is extremely malicious and lies so much that I can't believe my eyes sometimes. She'll say something now and deny it the next instant with seriousness that you'll even be doubting yourself again.
Onetime My dad gave her some money to get my junior ones some Christmas clothes and also to give me #10000 too.I told her I'll use the #10000 to get material to sew a nice native since I don't have any and she said ok but I later changed my mind and informed her I would be getting some jeans instead and we agreed on me going to get them and she also said she'll go to the market to get things for my younger ones too(Before this time we had talked about the possibility of me buying the jeans material and sewing it cos it was a bit better in my area to do so because of a good tailor that i had she told me she knows where they sell the materials).
Onetime My dad gave her some money to get my junior ones some Christmas clothes and also to give me #10000 too.I told her I'll use the #10000 to get material to sew a nice native since I don't have any and she said ok but I later changed my mind and informed her I would be getting some jeans instead and we agreed on me going to get them and she also said she'll go to the market to get things for my younger ones too(Before this time we had talked about the possibility of me buying the jeans material and sewing it cos it was a bit better in my area to do so because of a good tailor that i had she told me she knows where they sell the materials).
The day she was to go to the market i begged her to help me price the materials so I'll know which one I'll go for eventually and she totally declined saying She can't reach where they sell it again that it's too far bla bla bla so i said ok don't worry just give me my money when u come back and I'll get the ready made ones,then after she left Suddenly she called me that she has seen nice jeans for me bla bla that the man selling it said he has my correct size just trying to make sure she doesn't give me the #10000 so to avoid further troubles in the house I was forced to tell her to buy it like that for me and she did. You won't believe that she bought another size for me even after giving her my correct size and inflated the price she bought it (She wrote an account of all the things she bought and the prices on a paper when she came back and i found out she lied when I mistakenly saw it) just so she wouldn't give me the remaining balance of the money.i felt very bad but I let it slide but I won't lie to you I've been thinking that,just maybe I'm not her real child maybe I was adopted
This other one actually happened few days to my birthday in November and it made me hate her the more and i don't think I can ever forgive her totally. My Dad gave her my sister's school fee and some money for me to celebrate my birthday and i was glad not knowing the devil was just laughing at me. He also told her to send my sister's birth certificate to him through fedex or so( can't remember ) cos he needed it to file some papers over there and luckily I was around to help but the plan was that I should go to their office around Ikeja to make enquiries about how much they'll charge and make payments and send it but when I got there the amount was higher than what we thought and i wasn't with my atm card so I had to call and explain things and then go back home to get more cash.
This other one actually happened few days to my birthday in November and it made me hate her the more and i don't think I can ever forgive her totally. My Dad gave her my sister's school fee and some money for me to celebrate my birthday and i was glad not knowing the devil was just laughing at me. He also told her to send my sister's birth certificate to him through fedex or so( can't remember ) cos he needed it to file some papers over there and luckily I was around to help but the plan was that I should go to their office around Ikeja to make enquiries about how much they'll charge and make payments and send it but when I got there the amount was higher than what we thought and i wasn't with my atm card so I had to call and explain things and then go back home to get more cash.
So when I got home she said she had no money on her except my birthday money and that she's not going to give me the whole money just because she doesn't feel like it that what do I want to do with it,it's not even as if it's one big money o just 10k for something that is just once in a year,is that too much ???I said ok just give me the money to go and send the document and she made sure she calculated the exact amount and gave to me not caring if any need arises on the way.I went and came back and she said she's not giving me the remaining cash again that Shebi she'll cook ?? I stood there like a mumu looking at her with so much rage in me and I felt like strangling her on the damn chair she sat on. Like who does that ??
If it's not my bday won't u cook before ??birthday of just once a year again ??
Ms Stella the matter too long abeg if i start her matter ehn u sef go tire o i swear I don't know what to say again but I need your lovely bvs to come to my aid and advice me on this. She has successfully chased all my uncles and aunts away and they dislike her too and she's not cool with her own siblings either so I don't know who to talk too and popsy has been turned into a toy in her hands so I'm really stuck...
At home too I don't have much friends if I pick any call she'll be asking who is calling me. She once said I don't talk with the guys in my house(which is not true cos she doesn't stay home) and when she started seeing me rolling with them she still went ahead again to tell my dad that I've started moving with bad boys in our compound. As old as I am I don't have any say in my own life it must be hers all the time whether it's bad for me or not.I once wanted to go for a party and she told my Dad that he shouldn't allow me go that it's bad boys that will be there Smh. She makes me look and sound like I'm crazy for asking for a normal life like every other child.
Her two brothers came one time (separately) and both ran away after a week cos of this her character. I've been a silent bv for about 2 yrs now and i never thought I'll be sending my story to u but here we are.What do y'all suggest I do?
*My mouth s hanging loose and i dont even know what to say..wow!!!!..This is the height of wickedness oooooooooooooo...ah ah...
What a mother gagoo
ReplyDeleteThis is my mother
DeleteWe have no relationship
I will rather talk to outsiders than talk to my mum am a girl o
I couldn't wait to start working
It is just for a while
Don’t you think you should open your own account, so your dad doesn’t need to send money through her, she’s just greedy and wants to be involved in everything everyone does, but doesn’t know she’s shutting her own relationship with her son down.
DeleteParents be careful the way you treat your kids
Please do not strangle her o, they will say you have killed your mother because of 10k
Don’t speak to your dad when she’s there, try and have your own relationship with him personally
My mum is almost like that too.
DeleteHers is that you must do what she says, she's always right. If you argue, you are a bad child. Always trying to make me see my hushusb as if he's stingy. If you don't give her money, you are selfish without knowing if you have.
Always comparing me and my husband to her other son in-laws that send her more money...sigh it's bad my people.
Use someone's phone to send the link of this story to your Dad.Sikena.
ReplyDeleteI support this,send the link to ur dad or call him nd day fadfy I am broken and want to talk to you snd use s subtle approach to speak to him
DeleteMy mother is worse than this. She is so manipulative and domineering. Even if I try to talk to people that she respect to help me talk to her, she will brainwash the person to the extent that when she is done, the person will develop sudden hatred towards me.
DeleteThe woman broke me into piece, she destroyed my self esteem. I begged her several times to take me to my mother, because i do not believe she gave birth to me. I was depressed, I was always having suicidal thoughts until I met a guidance and counselling lecturer back then in school.
Even till I got married she never changed. She still tries to controls me even in my husband's house. I decided to cut her off last year Oct, I have stopped picking her calls since then.
U'd just still have to manage her for some time, try to get something doing, there are little business you can do while in school. So even when you're on hols you'll have something to keep you busy and you won't have to depend on her for everything.
You will notice that when you start making money and giving her something, her attitude towards you will change.
He called his mum unprintable names and also wished her dead by his own ✋ . He can't send this link to his dad.
DeleteWell, there's nothing u can do except to suck it up, if u rebel, u lose...I wish I could hear from both sides coz some young adults these days give their parents headache.
ReplyDeleteguy, don't you have friends in school that you can stay with during the break or look for a skill anything at all to stay away from her? my mum was like this and till this day i do not contact her because of her negative vibes and much more. be very prayerful o, even if she is your mother you do not know the extend she will go to ruin you.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteForemost forgive your mom and pray for her.
ReplyDeleteCould it be that the man abroad is probably not your dad and this lady is bitter about the circumstances of your birth; and the anger on you is simply a transferred aggression toward the person that did it? Subtly knowing your blood groups can help you rule this out.
If you can focus on your studies and future, you will overcome any ill-feeling and be content with creating a life of your own. In the end, they will turn around.
Toxic mothers...from hell.I have 1
ReplyDeleteFind something to do while the strike is on.. Learn a skill or something, just find a way to distance yourself from her..
ReplyDeleteYoung man, I want you to have a forgiving heart towards your mother. Drop the bitterness in you to avoid building up negative thoughts.Please,look inward and ask yourself if there any way I have not been living up to expectations. And if sincerely you have not been provoking her through your actions then it's time you call her for a discussion.
ReplyDeleteExplain to her how you feel because of her character towards you. Make her understand that you want both of you to be close and allow love flow. If this didn't work out. Reach out to your father and explain your plight to him in a calm way. Let him know how it affects you.
Also, be prayerful.
My mum sister
ReplyDeleteSome Women are just fucking wicked
ReplyDeleteBro don't worry, my own mum was worse than this, the only good thing for me then is that my Dad knows my mum and relates to me directly.
ReplyDeleteImagine where my mum was given my school fees by my Dad and she refused to give it to me that I got admission into a useless course. My dad had to send thd money again directly to me for you to understand.
My advice is, just be patient, don't do anything nasty, hold on, you are almost done with school. After then you will start making money and I tell u, u won't remember all these.
Now, I am done with school, doing well for myself. Got a car for my Dad but more or less she is the one using it.
Mine was different because my Dad always understands and will always tell me 'Don't you know your mother again'. Try and get used to it. It will soon be all over.
Some mothers are from the pit of hell. My mother is so wicked like that but be grateful yours doesn't use juju on you. My mother used juju on me to the extent that when i sleep i see the whole thing like a movie then i just know how to pray about it always ganging against me with my brothers and sisters she said she wishes i was dead and don't understand why her juju has failed to kill me she used all her pension on juju just to kill me because my Father gilted her. My step Father threw her out without any thing i went abroad and built for her and bought land for her too but it was never enough someone who was living in a mad house anyways to cut the story short i cut her and my siblings out of my life i learnt to accept who i am and moved on God also blessed me with a child after them singing my name barren woman i got myself a very rich man with lots of aeroplanes life is good but I only feel sorry for them because we should be one family. Just concentrate on your studies education will buy you freedom keep praying to God to keep you focused and strong leave your mother alone. She will go looking for one day and u will deny her.
ReplyDeletePlease I need this your strength to cut off mine Biko.
Deletei like you already. lets be friends.
DeleteAn irresponsible mom.sadly this is the kind of mothers most runs girls end up as cos of their selfish and insatiable need for money.my dear go to the lord with anger in prayer,he'll turn your story around. If you don't pray and end this now,that woman has only just started with you.speaking from experience. Even the bible says suffer not a witch to live.dedicate your whole life to God,and pray violent prayer so she'll respect herself
ReplyDeleteNice suggestion... Start praying for her asap.
DeleteI don't know why I find this chronicle funny. Poster,just bear with her until the strike is called off.
ReplyDeleteI'm telling U.lol..."If it's not my bday won't u cook before ??!" this part of the chronicle cracked me up.. The woman worry sha!
DeleteDon't you have at least one good thing to say about her? Let me tell you one thing for sure, no one loves you as much as your mother does even though she has shortcomings. This woman who nurtured you from birth isn't perfect, the best thing you can do for now is pray God help her understand her child is a grown-up who should be treated as such. I won't downgrade your mother no matter what because if you need help tomorrow I won't be there, she will be.
ReplyDeleteShe has not been there so when will she be there? Black people advice
DeletePoster,search yourself. Do you take drugs,drink excessively,fail classes,hang with bad friends?
DeleteBelieve me if you hv 4 points gp,your mother ll dash you 10k every month. You are 22,why are still utterly dependent on your parents?why not hustle
Lollll this chameleon, you must have watch too many cartoons while growing up.
DeleteToo many.
Yes its true that man is not your i experienced the same i later found out that my biological Father is different. Be strong
ReplyDeleteYes its true that man is not your Father. i experienced the same i later found out that my biological Father is different. Be strong
ReplyDeleteKia, as I am reading this story, I am just imagining what who ever is unfortunate to have her as a mother in-law will go through.
ReplyDeleteWhat a mother
ReplyDeleteOpen your heart to healing. Let this words you have poured out be the beginning of healing for you. Don't hold bitterness against your mother. It will hunt you later. The Bible is clear on that, honour your father and mother so your days maybe long. Honour her till God takes you out of that space into another season. Be strong young man. There is no place for hate in your heart. Peace.
ReplyDeleteYes. Me too I have 1. Like anon 15.08 said find a way to let your dad know this,if possible this chronicle. But you are above 18 why can't your dad pay money to you direct into your account? 0or you don't have any?
ReplyDeleteThis is how they behave. Toxic mothers. At old age, they will be expecting you to cater for them. When you are successful they will suddenly turn dear mother. Begging for care and forgiveness.
This is the type of my do called mother. She illtreated me at young age so much i thought I was adopted. I used to hate her. Never wanted to go back home on holidays in my secondary school days. I used to lie to fellow students to allow me put up with them so not to go home and she never looked for me. I used to sleep under their beds so their parents will not know too to avoid problems for my friends in school.Make sure you strive for a successful life. I was a determined girl.socking my legs in bucket of water to keep me awake all night reading. I made all my papers at once in secondary school and spent only four years in Univ. No extra day.where could I have gotten money if I had carry over or extra year. I went far away for NySc so nobody could trace me. And still she never looked for but she was working.
The best revenge is success. Now, I no dey rest as she is busying dear daughter upandan. I recently reminded her how she treated me over 20years ago. She couldn't utter a word.I do whatever I do cause of God and not because she is my mother. God has been faithful.
I wish you can move out. Find a friend and stay with. Look for menial jobs. I did that as a very young girl of 14 and trained myself in Univ and now very successful in life.
Sit her down and talk on her attitude towards you so heaven will bear witness tomorrow if you should ignore her and be absent in her life at old age. Am sure she will remember what you said when the time comes.
The important thing now is to strive for success.. Damn distraction.Damn waywardness. Damn failure.
Go on with God on your side, you will make it in life. The decision is yours.
Good luck dear. It is well with you
There's nothing you can do. Suck it up. Work hard and be successful and leave the house for her.
ReplyDeletePlease sing this song for her she will surely change.. Sweet Mother I no forget you for This suffer wan You Suffer for Me Yeaaaa.My Looks you Are angry calm Down First ok And have a heart to Heart discussion With her...Goodluck
ReplyDeleteHmmmm...it is well with you oh. You just have to look for how your dad will get to know all you are going through. If she was your stepmom would have said they are all like that. Maybe one day i will be able to send my chronicles too...my step mom showed me pepper...to the point she asked her son to try to sleep with me! Now she goes all over saint Antony church (gbaja) to be doing best mother. My God must punish her.
ReplyDeleteMy sincere advice is that you shouldnt dishonour her by talking back or talking down about her to someone else cos you'd be having God against you. Cos it looks like the only person that can step in is God.
ReplyDeleteI know its not easy but ask the Lord to help you. Maybe you should get a job or something to keep you off her sight most of the time.
It is well !
This!!!
DeleteBut I also wish she could see this post because the Bible
Clearly says not to provoke our children!!!!
Most african parents do not know how to respect the personality of their children as they grow in different stages of life. You do not treat a 22 year old like a 5 year old. That’s a grown man by law. You too, find job to tide you over till school resumes; find friends and leave the house; do not be home all day waiting to eat her food and most importantly, do not curse her , either verbally or
In your heart. Ask God for forgiveness for the one you have done in this post! It is dishonorable to call your mother names!
Going back to school is the only way out, pray strike is called off.
ReplyDeleteHeey Jesus!! 🙆♀️ And me I will be complaining that my mum has taken over all my shoes and is constantly raiding my wardrobe.
ReplyDeleteGuy!!! See ehn... your mum is your mum. Just do and finish school and start living life on your terms. Ignore all her drama na so some women be. Its even good you are not picking it but can see the difference between good and evil. Some people will emulate her and start being a global nuisance. Keep ignoring and never insult her. Its good your sis is going far from her so she wont carry some characters.
I have an aunty (one of my dad's step sis) who is not in good terms with her only child. The straw that broke the camel's back was when he was in final year in that okada private uni. She told him to defer that she cant pay fees that year. He did- FINAL YEAR!! One month later, robbers raided their house. when we went to console her the next morning she was rolling on the floor that her trinklet box with gold worth over N8m was taken -amongst other things. Imagine!! And her ONLY child (home and abroad and forever) needed just N650k that time to pay fees. My aunty wont inconvenience herself for anyone not even this boy. Something wey my mama go commot small sell sharp-sharp to pay fees. Na contribution we do make e go finish school. He was gobsmacked.
He just took his things and left home. He graduated, did NYSC and just kept it moving. We attended his wedding like guests. And when she wanted to terrorize his wife under the pretence of Omugwo, he quickly addressed her. Na so malice start till today. His wife is my friend and her craze is 100! As she come house complain my parents didnt say *pim*. We all knew the boy was gone ages ago and he just waited for the right opportunity to cut off. Please use this same tactics.
Na wa oo
Deletethese stories are unbelievable? what, a mother or father ma sef that cant sell stuff to train kids? my parents to sell stuff to train me sha but it wss not rosy having parents who are civil servants with 3 under graduate. now my mother (dad is late) is enjoying her fruits and will continue to enjoy in Jesus name, Amen.
DeleteTry and discuss with her she might have a change of heart
ReplyDeleteJust be patient till you finish school; since you don't have money to fund yourself.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, kill that thought of harming her by praying for her constantly. If not, you will do so.
Then, the tables will turn against you forever and you might end up in jail.
When you are done with school, you can then leave.
With hard work and determination and God, you will become so successful that you can throw your bday party in a stadium if u wish.
Just be patient.
Hmmmm
ReplyDeleteThe mother is obviously mentally unwell & this young man is obviously too not coping too well at all again, or even at a broken down stage!
ReplyDelete***My advice is to stop getting into arguements with ur mother. Avoid "doing back & forth" exchanges of words with her. If possible try not to become vulnerable to her lies, or attempts to stir up troubles / creating enemies for u. Try..try..try to communicate good with ur father & also other people so that they don't have to depend or rely upon whatever ur mother say about u!!!
*** Work extra hard in life to succeed & focus big time on ur self development to make u have a better life in future & far removed from ur bad childhood!!!🙏
1 of the biggest problems facing many Nigerians today in the country is not knowing how to address or deal with the issues of mental health & illness.
Especially the children and young people r mostly at risk dangerously of after effects of exposure to such negative & very destructive environments through close personal contacts with parents, siblings, family members or close relatives & associates who have significant troubling mental health issues like:
*excessive obsessions
*long periods of depression
*Delusional thoughts & behaviours
* risk taking all the time, promiscious behaviours or not having regards for self personal safety & that of others.
***including gossiping too & pathological lies which could result in harm.
The churches & religious organizations r not even being helpful or properly doing the right things when they come across individuals or families affected or suffering severely from such issues. Rather they call it as spiritual problems. Encouraging things like fasting, praying etc...
Without directing or supporting the person(s) to the right interventions. Or even doing something better to protect vulnerable victims or those suffering & affected by such behaviours.
Now many children & young people are unfortunately condemned to a life with horrific parents, bad relatives & very dangerous family members who destroy potentials, opportunities for progress & better outcomes for their young ones, through reckless behaviours often caused by mental health issues.
Poster. Try to reach your dad directly. Just tell him that you will prefer if he gives you your money directly instead of your mum. I am a mother and I also have a 22 year old son. Trust me, even if your mother has ' brainwashed ' your dad, sooner or later, your dad will begin to see through her lies.Shes doing it deliberately - it's called divide and rule. She wants to be in control so she will spread those rumours about you so that she can continue to control her home. She wants to be the only one your dad relates with, the only one who gets money from him so she can decide who gets what and who doesnt get what. But she is wounding herself in the long run. You don't divide and rule your own family, you divide and rule an enemy camp! You need to strategize so that you can have a little peace of mind. You must find a way of reaching out to your dad. Play your mother's card.appeal to your dad's male ego as a fellow male. Get him to be on your side. Call him directly. Stop allowing your mum be a go between both of you. And When you talk to him, tell him that your mum behaves like a typical woman. Put in comments like " daddy you know how women behave...bla bla bla". Gradually you will get him to understand that your mum is playing a wicked game. More importantly, you will get him to be on your side. Win the battle.Call your dad directly. Tell him you prefer to discuss with him. You need him to help you through decisions. Trust me. Your dad will listen. Take the battle to your mum's doorstep. It's what she started. Help her to finish it. Divide and rule. Shes a really foolish woman. Its quite unfortunate.
ReplyDeleteYOUR MOTHER IS A WTICH. she get luck say no be my kind of broda she born, she for hear weem. my broda, pray to finish school on time, go for service and find work in that area. do not return back to live in that house. from today onward just know that you dont have a mother.
ReplyDelete