STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED?
Good day Stella,
I would like to read BVS view. Am not a good writer but I would try.
I have been/was in a relationship with a guy for 8years, we met when I was younger(19) and he was 12 years older. We met in 2010.
Initially, I wasn't ready for marriage and neither was he.....
Good day Stella,
I would like to read BVS view. Am not a good writer but I would try.
I have been/was in a relationship with a guy for 8years, we met when I was younger(19) and he was 12 years older. We met in 2010.
Initially, I wasn't ready for marriage and neither was he.....
Years later, he was talking marriage, saying his friends have their families and his younger ones have children too, which I told him to make us put things right first(getting accommodation and getting basic things needed in a home).
Last year(early 2017) we agreed on introduction and rounding up wedding plans after 3-4 months of intro (August 2017). After August nothing happened, during which he started acting up(not calling, not picking calls, not acknowledging missed calls among others).
A year after intro(early 2018), i asked him what his plans was, as he keeps acting up and not talking about wedding plans, he didn't give a reasonable excuse. Then i told him that, if he doesn't have a reasonable thing to say after a year of introduction, I will be moving on after three months.
Before the end of the three months, we had disagreement and he didn't call me since then. At some point, my mum asked after him and I explained to her what transpired and what I told him, she called him which he promised to come and see her and explain things, he is yet to show up after 2-3months.
Have i said anything wrong saying, "I would move on if he isn't planning wedding after a year three months of introduction"?
Last year(early 2017) we agreed on introduction and rounding up wedding plans after 3-4 months of intro (August 2017). After August nothing happened, during which he started acting up(not calling, not picking calls, not acknowledging missed calls among others).
A year after intro(early 2018), i asked him what his plans was, as he keeps acting up and not talking about wedding plans, he didn't give a reasonable excuse. Then i told him that, if he doesn't have a reasonable thing to say after a year of introduction, I will be moving on after three months.
Before the end of the three months, we had disagreement and he didn't call me since then. At some point, my mum asked after him and I explained to her what transpired and what I told him, she called him which he promised to come and see her and explain things, he is yet to show up after 2-3months.
Have i said anything wrong saying, "I would move on if he isn't planning wedding after a year three months of introduction"?
*It is either he developed cold feet or he found someone else..must be one of the two..When a man has moved on without you,he looks for faults in everything you do to back up the guilt he feels...
Sis count your losses and keep it pushing
ReplyDeletePoster more like count your blessings(he leaving you is a blessing in disguise) and move on. Move on from this one that stole your youth and go catch fun before entering marriage. Ofcoure with someone much serious. I bet he's gone in for another smallie. Move far on my dear.
DeleteHe is 39years old, u are 27years old.
DeleteA 40year old man still behaving like a teenager. He won't marry anytime soon.
Move on, I'm sure u will be fine.
Wow 39. That guy has found someone. Thought they were younger.
DeleteThat’s how my friend in school was always raving about ‘mature men’ ‘mature men’ meaning older men... Well, I learnt from their relationships that maturity no be by age.
DeletePoster did you do abortion for him? Maybe he feels you 're damaged.
DeleteLove that works is more of an attractive force than a repulsive one. Trying to Impress someone who's not interested in you is like hugging a cactus flower. The more you hug it the More you get Hurt.
DeleteRelationships like this have become more repulsive so the best is to call it off before it adds to the chronicles of divorce records.
Why people stay that long is what I don’t know, just move on my dear, that guy isn’t ready to marry YOU
DeleteSorry poster. See finish don enter. Find ya way.
DeleteThat man is 39years old, I wouldn't be surprised if he has a family already.
ReplyDeleteWhat are u still doing...pls move on,he should be 39 going 40yet not serious..
ReplyDeleteThis is the exact behavior of a man that has had his fill of intercourse during courtship.
ReplyDeleteIf I am wrong correct me. But he is not going to marry you and you won't see him ever.
When in another relationship, do not offer sex and resist every pressure to the contrary.
Oh please! spare us the bullshit! this Nigerian mentality of keeping sex out of the relationship is what is making a lot of you girls frustrated and desperate for marriage. You go into a relationship because you love the person and see a future, which must not end in marriage. You can keep your body and end up with a chronic cheat and violent man, end up fruitless or even miserable. I had sex with my husband 3 days after our date and got married a year after and still married for over 10 years. You people frown on sex but not on lies, envy,greed,gossips,stealing and others sins. It is hypocrisy of the highest order thinking a sex relationship is the only sin that will ruin your life or chances of getting married and making haven. Free yourselves from this mental slavery, the only thing i can advice is to stop jumping from one relationship to another, but she has been with him for years and no way it's the sex. SEX is not the only thing people invest in a relationship, what about the time? emotions, money,sacrifices things that you will normally not do even for your loved ones? How about you just do nothing and wait in your father's house for a miraculous husband?
DeleteAny woman who is in a marital age, should only go into meaningful relationship and if you are in one that do not benefit you anymore leave and find your purpose. Everything that does not go with the word of God is a SIN, NOT JUST SEX!
Anno 16:22 you are talking bukums. Do you know every other sins you mentioned is outside our body except sex. You slept with your boyfriend three days after meeting him and it's sound right to you, so if he didn't marry you that's how you will be dating and sleeping with different men after 3 days. All of this to prove what exactly? Hope you're a mum now please advise your female kids to date and start sleeping with any male that comes their way after every three days because the men will eventually married them. How about even marrying without even having sex? oh I forgot it was for the last generation. This generation is to start having sex after dating for three days Continue with the advise.
DeleteFrank, she’s right tho. She did not say sleep with a man after 3 days but not sleeping with a man during courtship does not mean he’s going to marry you or he will make a good husband or father. And no, sex in telationships did not start today. Most mothers are not just truthful and open to their children who are now mothers themselves.
DeleteAnd you are talking crap! The only thing your brain could deduct is sex but you did not see where i said be in a relationship that has purpose and don't jump from a man to another. The other sins are outside the body? you see how ignorant you are? Your bible tells you in the 10 commandments that the only sin that is worst than the other is sex? You are an ignorant religious sentimentalist. Don't worry, close your legs and let us sinners marry and be happy with our lives and you self righteous, will make the perfect wife to a perfect husband. It is people like you that end up miserable in worst marriages because of your holy than tho attitude. If you think you are better than the others because you abstain from sex and the most happiest marriage in this world is from people than abstain from marriage then your are a dreamer.
DeleteI am a proud mother to a cute daughter and i will teach her what i was taught. Make the right choices, men should not be your problem, when you meet someone you have a strong connection with, do what makes you happy. I don't promise it will be rosy but it is life and definitely, choose wisely. It is a gut feeling, i knew your dad was the one. It took me 5 years of being single to meet him and i don't regret my past relationship too because i didn't have many. Everything i did with them, made me the woman i am today, wise and focus.
You are an hypocrite and i don't ever wanna meet people like you, fake christian who do everything worst in this world nut frown at sex, people like you can kill and said it's not a sin, i was provoked bit will frown at sex. HYPOCRITE!
Thank you very much, you copied my mind verbatim.
DeleteShe isn't right and she needs to swerve to the side. So because she slept with him and he married her made her actions justified.
DeleteWhat about other guys before her husband she slept with did they marry her, What does she have to say about that or are we all gonna ignore that?. Premarital sex is wrong and it isn't in the same category as other sins. Read your bible.
Frank, so even if sex is the only sin that we do with our body so what. Does the flesh not eventually rot and go to worms? Let us put our full concentration on the sins of the Spirit which is the eternal part of us and go back to God after death.
Delete@Anonymous 16:22
DeleteThe scripture distinguishes SEXUAL IMMORALITY from every other sin. Let's see:
1 Corinthians 6:18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.
That you did it does not make it right; does it?
That you did it and "still married" does not get you heaven, does it?
God will not change his word because of you; will he?
Choose where to belong; to the world/devil or to Christ.
Thanks Frank for speaking the truth.
DeleteYou see all these girls that fk anything long including tree branches, once they want to glorify their sins, they go anonymous.
Tomorrow, they will all come out with their IDs and be chanting god, god, god; which god?
Frank you are the one that needs to swerve bc you can't assimilate simple english, i see your problem is far from ignorance but english too. You are a terrible person to say that sex is worst than any sin, you don't understand your Bible and i pray young girls don't listen to an hypocrite like you. That is why Africa is way behind other continents, we always preach righteousness yet we are wicked, the leaders are wicked, poor people everywhere, kids molested by people like you, virgins sleeping through back doors, homeless kids accused of witchcraft, but it is sex that is the problem, HYPOCRITES! Fake prophets that the bible warned against is your likes. Other men i slept with? My husband is my 3rd and the two, i am glad they are part of my story to the human and woman i am today.
DeleteLadies date men with a purpose, think deep before going to a relationship, avoid christian brothers, they are the worst husband you can have, they judge you, blackmail you. Don't go in relationship with just any man bc not all relationship end in marriage, choose right, think hard, my husband was ready, he was mature and marriage was his priority. He was looking for a wife and i was looking for a husband bc it was that time.
Every SIN is bad, it destroy your soul, the body is nothing ton God bc we wont go with it in heaven but our souls are important. Let your conscience be free from any SIN even the smallest. Love is the only thing God requires of us because Love destroys any kind of sin.
@Madam 19:27
DeleteNo amount of rant or chant or accusation will change the truth that Frank told you; fornication will never be a virtue!
Your conscience is rioting and all you need to do is to calm down and take stock of your life.
God is merciful and will forgive anyone who confesses and comes to him just like the thief on the cross did, just like Mary
the sister of Lazarus who was a notable "sinner" in the city.
Frank said the truth and the truth will always be the TRUTH!
Frank just like in your rightous way you expect God to forgive you after every sin you commit, God has forgiven me too and the proof? i am blessed with a wonderful man, a life many can dream of, a great job, healthy and amazing kids, great health and many more. You are not God to know which sin, he will forgive. People like you might not even make heaven, the 2 robbers in the cross, one made heaven. God came for people like us, humans with short comings, we learn from our mistakes, we tend to live a good life by treating everyone with love.
DeleteAll sins are equal before God. "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Roman 3:23). Ecclesiastes 7:20 makes clear, "Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins." All sin separates us from God and, apart from Christ, will separate us from Him eternally. In regards to salvation, there is no distinction. However, there are, of course, varying consequences of sin. For instance, murder carries greater consequences both to its victims and its perpetrator than does speaking angrily. But the Bible gives no list that ranks sin or describes a sin that is the "greatest."
Don't cherry pick what suits you and focus one one thing, i suspect people like you. They are usually not in good health, one minute men, short and small penis and low sperm... only to suffer someone child in marriage with your blackmails. Sin is Sin!
@Madam 19:50
DeleteI am not Frank. I am the person that posted the comment that generated this trail.
Everything you wrote above ARE NOT THE YARDSTICK FOR MEASURING FORGIVENESS. You are
in error because you do not know the scriptures nor the power of God. Let me show you more scriptures:
psalm 37:35I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a luxuriant native tree,
36but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.
1 Timothy 6: 5These people always cause trouble. Their minds are corrupt, and they have turned their backs on the truth. To them, a show of godliness is just a way to become wealthy.
6Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. 7After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. 8So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.
One knows that one is forgiven when one have peace of mind having confessed and repented of
ones sins. The way your conscience is revolting, does not look like a conscience void of offence.
Madam, the Rich man in Luke 16:19-31 had more than all those things you listed there and still went to hell. Lazarus had nothing, was a beggar and still went to heaven.
DeleteThe merciful God gives without finding fault, he sends rain to the just and unjust.
The difference between you and Frank is that he acknowledges all sins as sin but emphasis that sex is different, while you believe all sin as equal but still think sex before marriage as no sin at all. Dont know if am wrong, but that's what i deduced from your "first post".
DeleteThen you went on to say you believe God has forgiven you all your sins just like Frank believes the same, so does that mean you accept that sex before marriage is a sin and will you tell your daughters and sons the same, and advice them to keep their body and heart chaste, if yes?, then your first post about ladies not given any importance to sex outside of marriage is baseless and it was so unnecessary for you obviously do not believe in what you wrote. Rather will you tell them to do whatever makes them happy irrespective of it falling short of biblical standard,just like you already wrote up there, you said and i quote"will tell my cute daughter to do what makes her happy", pre-maritalsex inclusive right?so if yes?, then your post about asking christ for forgiveness and turning a new leaf is also meaningless for you lack remorse and dont see anything wrong with that past of yours.
Then you went on to talk about The thief on the Cross whom acknowledged his sin and asked for forgiveness, which means you have asked Christ for forgiveness, then why does your first post contradict that statement, like you not remorseful at all but sees sex after 3 day relationship as no big deal but as something applaudable because it led to marriage for you.
If you truly believed in your heart of hearts that God came for people like yourself, and you have learnt from your mistakes,then why did you say "ladies when you meet a man do what makes you happy,you can keep your body and still end up with a chronic cheat", that statement isn't encouraging nor uplifting but seemed like it was said to dampen a sister's spirit who didn't want to indulge in such, but forgive me if am wrong what what were you suggesting when you said that?,doesn't it sound like you were abusing God's grace after asking for forgiveness with such advice.
Sin is sin you say, but does that mean we should delve deeper in sin instead of looking for ways to get out of it.
So according to your analogy since i tell lies or am a gossip, there's no crime if i kill someone, afterall i have been sinning already. What difference does that extra sin make?. In all it seemed like you were deviated from your first argument only to contradict it in the end, more like you were speaking from the both sides of your mouth.
Hmmm, biko Stella no vex for it seemed we have derailed this post but i just saw this and wanted to add my bits.
I had already advised the poster in the comments below. Peace
And the poor also goes to hell, like i said you are not God and will not determine what can bring ANYONE in hell, not a human being like you, you are even judging, a sin on it own and you are not better than me in any way! I pray NEVER to meet your kind. verses are what you use to deceive people but not me.
DeleteYou are Frank, a lie you can convince yourself and not me. You don't know the bible, quoting bible verse does not make you holy.
My conscience is very calm and great, i am in a great place and happy. I am telling the ladies not to fall with pretenders and self righteous like you. Go and cure yourself, one minute can be cured, don't go and suffer someone child.
Mmmmmmhhhhh
DeleteMadam, who are you really fighting with?
Please madam, calm down and address your conscience.
In your frenzy, you have concluded I am Frank. Peace to your soul.
Dear God where are all these brothers chewing and swallowing bible verses like this?? This is the kind of husband l need , not all these fine face boys with no knowledge of the things of God. God you said in the bible that the Lord has blessed me because l believed that he will keep his promise, please bless with a brother deeply rooted in your word please l believe, you know your word cannot return void without accomplishing its purpose
DeleteWow, can't believe this generated to this. I totally forgot about this post just to open and see this now. madam, all those comments are not from me. Thanks guys for all those that stood for the truth. I'm a guy by the way and I couldn't hold it that a lady was advising others to have sex just after three days of meeting a guy. I can't imagine my future wife telling my daughters this. Yes we all are sinners but must we deliberately go into it and even openly encouraging it. Madam, that was what your post insinuated and somebody though not perfect needed to counter that. please do what makes you happy, it's your life but please don't try to promote it. Alot of us are struggling with these sins and promoting it could lead to one falling flat into it. peace.
DeleteNne a man of 39yrs that is not yet ready for marriage should be dumped like a badly arranged cards. Leave that huncle gwegwegwe and stop wasting your time with him. Move on!!
ReplyDeleteMaybe the man already has a FAM somewhere. Poster pls move on and focus on your life. Your Mr right will locate you soon
DeleteSounds like there is another chic on in da hood, or how would he explain the silence for 3months? If his mind is not bent on marrying you, don't force him else he will resent you... Start looking outside but don't expose yourself, just in case he decides to come to His senses, but if he doesn't come back....move.
ReplyDeleteBlackberry learn some self respect. Advising her to limit herself just in case a man decides to come back after pleasing himself. Poster go out and live your best life biko. And if he is stupid, selfish spoilt and arrogant enough to come back remind him that he disrespected you, your mother and himself. And then tell him to go f#ck himself.
DeleteOde! Se WO ni? U sabi comprehension? U don't know it pays to be a coded bed breaker? Or is it everyman u screw u flaunt?
DeleteSeems he has Japaa
ReplyDeleteSince tipe tipe.. 😂
DeleteYou move on already! You might not know the bullet you're dodging now. In this life, I believe in "what will be will be"
ReplyDeleteStella is right. Get back into the dating scene. You're now very clearly single. Do not go back to him even if he crawls to you on hot coal and crying blood begging you.
ReplyDeleteI know that it's important that you get closure by knowing what went wrong but it's more important to move as quickly as possible.
Please Poster Move On. I am sure he has moved on too.
ReplyDeleteYou did nothing wrong! The guy is probably tired, 8yrs is a long time time to be in a relationship..
ReplyDeleteMove on!
Hmmmm....... I don't often believe in threats. Like telling him you will move on etc but I don't blame you. It's from introduction wedding date is picked and it doesn't take more than 6mths/1yr.
ReplyDeleteAs Stella said either he's moved on or he has very serious issues he's going through. Maybe he has seen he cannot afford a wedding or even a wife and home right now.
I have a colleague that is about 30 and every1 keeps hammering marriage. What he keeps saying is he doesn't believe in bringing in someone's daughter to suffer. Till he is financial capable to handle the finances of having a wife and kids he won't marry and he doesn't believe in sharing of bills. Luckily his girl is still doing NYSC. He's an orphan I don't blame him.
You need to have a one on one conversation with this guy,how do you even know he hasn't lost his job or hes in a financial mess.
Some men shut'down when having issues. Either way even if he's found someone else, You need closure so you can truly move on.
What if he lost his job? Has he also lost his mind? Poster this man is a bastard. Move on and forget closure. Give yourself time you will heal.
DeleteNo work to do in the office that’s why people sit down talking about a 30 year old man marital status.
DeleteInstead of her to thank God for delivering her from a an unproductive man, she’s here asking questions. Sad thing is that you wasted your youthful years forming ‘relationship’ but trust me, 5 years from now, you will thank your God!!
DeleteAnd oh, I don’t believe in making threats of you are not gonna keep to them. Why are you feeling insecure now that he’s stopped answering? After all, that was the plan. Either he steps up or steps out and his choice is obvious!!!
DeleteBtw, I can’t believe your man made that man feel like he’s all that... imagine!!! Smh
That guy is not gonna marry you... He has moved on just waiting for you to cross the line.
ReplyDeleteHe has found someone else, obviously. Most of these men be keeping their options open till the say of the wedding.
ReplyDeleteHe has moved on you should do the same. Don't be surprised you might stumble upon his invitation card soon.
Sis forget him. He has moved on already. C'mon it's obvious na.
ReplyDeletePoster please move on; I'm sure he's even broke sef. You haven't spoken about how he helped in paying your fees though you were just 19 and obviously a student. To top it you had to tell him to get apartment and all that before marriage. A man well above 35 then. My dear, this one is not a good catch. He just stole your youth for nothing. I bet he doesn't even have money for ring. Please move on, wear running shoes and run far away from him.
ReplyDeletePlease move on. I had almost similar experience not knowing that the guy had been seeing someone else and I was there waiting.
ReplyDeleteA 39yrs old man that has wasted his own time now wants to waste urs too, move on pls!
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, 1 year and 3 months is tooooo long for such. Move on and get someone else.
ReplyDeletePoster, it's obvious the guy is no longer interested. I pray you find strength to move on.
ReplyDeleteIt is well with you.
Pls move on and go back to the dating scene. When a man is not interested, dats when he develop a cold feet.I am sure he has found somebody else.By God's grace,when i am ready to get married.I won't do introduction na marriage straight. I will do d engagement and wedding dat same day.I don't want to marry a man that will run away after introduction.
ReplyDeleteI am sure he went cold turkey because he is not yet financially capable to settle down
ReplyDeleteBut seriously though, I can't be in a reationship with someone and not see the signs. If he doesn't want me for the long term, i'ld know... if he's seeing someone else, i'ld know... if he has plans to keep me while he looks out, i'ld still know. Something always give them away. By the way, we re women, instinctive by nature... we feel all these things yet we keep pushing on & seriously not because of what we feel for these type of men but societal/parental pressure. If we re going to be honest with ourselves, those tendencies betray love, when I star to see the signs, I starts to ruin the feelings we call love. There lies a message in there, it's not love because love is unconditional. Dear poster, if after 8years, he did this for whatever reason, how then can U rely on him for a lifetime? Good thing he left U now that U re still young, please thank God and march forward... When U heal, U will be very grateful U did. Without an experience like this, U may see these signs in the future & not recognize it, some fuckboys re in their 50's, as immature as heck!
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeleteExactly. I can't be in a relationship with someone and not see the signs o. Some people will see the signs and still wanna stay thereby hurting themselves in return. Poster pls i guess it's time for you to move on. H
DeleteThis isn't about finance, the idiot has moved on or has seen another girl, his financial capability is not hidden na, from poster's write up everyone knows dude isn't so well to do, that old man is a crazy time waster. I just hope the poster moves on quick cos it will be hard.
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteStella u said it all.u sef too quick tear eye.8 wasted years
ReplyDeleteForget about him and move with your life.. Broken introduction is better than broken marriage
ReplyDeleteU are dating urself
ReplyDeleteBabe please, just move on cos he is an unserious fool. Whether he found somebody o or he has a family o or he is just not ready o, that's his business. The issue here is that he is completely unreliable and not for you. 39 years old acting like a child, he does not deserve a reasonable person like you.
ReplyDeleteH’anty pls move on.....
ReplyDeleteMove on, he's a time waster.
ReplyDeleteHis a married man with children and you are forcing yourself on him. His mission is just to distroy you and run away. Move on with your life abeg
ReplyDelete