Hmmmmmm....
A TIME TO RUN?
I have made a comment in the comment section concerning this but I think I need more responses to be sure I am about taking the right step.
For about seven months now I have been with this guy who is a masters student in the u.k.I am a corper here in Nigeria.He started out all caring and very very nice,then once it makes me happy then we are all out for it then gradually things began to change slowly I noticed the way he reacts to things, like he gets angry so easily and when we have issues he just throws all the blame out to me.
The frequency of the calls dropped and chatting me up etc. When I bring up a topic of discussion,you know when someone keeps responding with one word to the things that excites you most.I began to wonder if I really wasn't doing something right,so I took it upon myself to call more often,text etc Our communication started flowing better only when it's his topic.
I have made a comment in the comment section concerning this but I think I need more responses to be sure I am about taking the right step.
For about seven months now I have been with this guy who is a masters student in the u.k.I am a corper here in Nigeria.He started out all caring and very very nice,then once it makes me happy then we are all out for it then gradually things began to change slowly I noticed the way he reacts to things, like he gets angry so easily and when we have issues he just throws all the blame out to me.
The frequency of the calls dropped and chatting me up etc. When I bring up a topic of discussion,you know when someone keeps responding with one word to the things that excites you most.I began to wonder if I really wasn't doing something right,so I took it upon myself to call more often,text etc Our communication started flowing better only when it's his topic.
A time came we disagreed and argued so much so that it was the only time he would call,to settle issues and that's when he sees I am giving up.Each time I decide to ignore and not call or text,he will begin to bombard me with texts and calls of why did I stop caring for him,is that how to love?That love is beyond emotions and we need to be together and grow,i love you etc.He will also say he's depressed,he has burdens etc and I should please come back I have been a blessing to him and how much he loves me.
He will be nice for some days and we will be back to square one.He will not say your a fool o, but you hear, do you even reason well?He can go an extra mile to prove me wrong,as far as recording our phone conversations.
I remember a time I told him I won't be online for a week,the whole one week,boyfriend couldn't even call me to see how far.When I run out of data, our relationship is on pause because we do mostly whatsapp calls and facebook etc.
I remember a time I told him I won't be online for a week,the whole one week,boyfriend couldn't even call me to see how far.When I run out of data, our relationship is on pause because we do mostly whatsapp calls and facebook etc.
My people the last one that weakened me was recently I gathered courage and asked for #2500 for the first time like two thousand five hundred naira not 25k o.I know he always says it that his girlfriend shouldn't ask him for money but allow him to just surprise her occasionally but I compelled myself to do it since I personally don't believe in that and I have never even gotten any surprise from him either and I also wanted to know how he will react to it.He said he has promised himself not to give anyone anything he hasn't given his mother.
My problem here is this:From our conversations he tells me how he empties his account to solve other people's problems,so suddenly I asked for something and new policy comes up.We are talking marriage so I think this type will be the who will take care of outsiders first while the immediate family suffers.I am not against him loving his mother but this just doesn't feel right to me.I ordered a perfume online and had it delivered to him on his birthday over there,someone who uses Wi-Fi and I am running on subscriptions for us to be In touch hasn't seen it as reason enough for him to just decide to send me subscription money.
My problem here is this:From our conversations he tells me how he empties his account to solve other people's problems,so suddenly I asked for something and new policy comes up.We are talking marriage so I think this type will be the who will take care of outsiders first while the immediate family suffers.I am not against him loving his mother but this just doesn't feel right to me.I ordered a perfume online and had it delivered to him on his birthday over there,someone who uses Wi-Fi and I am running on subscriptions for us to be In touch hasn't seen it as reason enough for him to just decide to send me subscription money.
I don't think it his duty to do these things but at least now, for someone your interested in marrying???This guy at times feels I am not even submissive enough,i feel like he wants all my attention,time and love while he looks on.Sometimes he won't reply my messages but if I don't all hell breaks loose.If I even try to walk away,he's holding on so tight.
Please my people,could it really be the depression or the burden he keeps referring to but won't tell me exactly what it is weighing him down?I ask him some questions,he will dodge it...Really he was never like this at the start and I am getting even more confused by the way how someone can claim to love you in a long distance relationship but can stay for days 2,4,5,6 days without calling.
Please my people,could it really be the depression or the burden he keeps referring to but won't tell me exactly what it is weighing him down?I ask him some questions,he will dodge it...Really he was never like this at the start and I am getting even more confused by the way how someone can claim to love you in a long distance relationship but can stay for days 2,4,5,6 days without calling.
We have tried to talk it out several times,no way. I have prayed,no show.Thank you for your responses.
*Be bold and end this bondage..From what you have explained,you are not in a long distance Relationship,you are in a long distance situationship...END IT!!!
I dont know if i have posted this before,una know say head dey touch sometimes...if i have you have a second opinion and post it nah...lol
My sister carry parachute and fly away. Please don't look back.
ReplyDeleteYou are dating yourself.
DeleteIt's sad that you can't see it.
When you finally enter a relationship that your partner puts you first, you will know.
What kind of mumu 2500 naira relationship is this? For someone who claims to love you? Please kindly leave this rubbish you call a relationship. You girls need to wisen up I swear, if they ask you now you are faithful to this guy, mtchew
DeleteLET ME SOUND THIS ALARM ON THIS CHRONICLE NOW! LADIES, WHENEVER YOU ARE CONFUSED, JUST ASK YOURSELF IF YOU CAN KEEP UP WITH THAT GUY FOR FOREVER...ASK YOURSELF IF YOUR CHILDREN DESERVE A FATHER WHO IS EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE. AT LEAST IF YOU WANT TO BE SELFISH, THINK ABOUT YOUR YET UNBORN KIDS.
DeleteSame applies to guys too🙄🙄🙄
Broke love, i hate stories like this, imagine u asking a guy for 2500, u are too cheap abeg, be spending the small money u have on a man who is in a serious relationship over there.
ReplyDeleteLol my dister He is using u for pass time amd is enjoying the nude pics nsexy pics,they know eh.that's how they behave, he already has a wife or someone he loves
Delete,
Buying and sending him a perfume was totally unnecessary.
DeleteA man that hasnt given you money deserve only Epistles on his birthday
Blogbrity loud it.
DeleteI gave my supposed boyfriend epistles on his own day and he's been acting up.
Love is give and take mbok; I can't gone more that I'm given.
I ain't a desperado biko.
I'll gladly spend on you if you do.
Choi @Blogbrity which one be birthday epistles😂😂 you no well
DeleteHahahahahah blogbrity 3page epistles for that matter.
Delete😂😂😂😂.... epistles on how God should provide for you abundantly and keep you alive.
DeleteYou should have fun today and mark the beginning of new thing 😂😂
Epistles is even big sef just the normal "Happy birthday with his full name then lock up
DeleteHahahahahahahah
DeleteDrop him like he's poop!
ReplyDeletePoster,you are dating yourself!!! Never buy anything for a man who is stingy with you. If you want the upper hand in any relationship,be selfish and love yourself.
ReplyDeleteThis is the best advise. Wish all good girls between the ages of 18 to 25 yrs know this.
DeleteI consider 26 yrs and above to be self dependent and care less about relationships.
So if them say make those Wey get bf come out you self go come out? What kinda storyline is this? You can see the handwriting on the wall and you're still looking for who would interpret it for you. Abeg borrow leg and run far away from him jare. He doesn't deserve you. Imagine him saying he cannot give his gf things he hasn't given to his mother. He should give his mum his preek na
ReplyDeleteThis got me laughing. The guy is very stingy. Always looking for excuses not to spend on the poster. Imagine his response just for something as low as #2,500.
DeleteForget about him and focus on how to improve on yourself and your career. He is not ready to make sacrifices for you. . Onye aka gum.
But the aunty sef is quite dull sha.
DeleteGuy man said he has made it a policy to never give something to somebody that he has given to someone?
So he has never given his mum 2,500????
You sef fold mouth like envelope dey look?
You no fear?
You no balance bata for shoulder like aboki, pick race?
Na wah!
Anon 17:26 you got me laughing with your comment! Ikwakwakwakwakwakwa. Fold mouth like envelope chai! I never hear that one before oo
DeleteHahha lol aboki wey fold mouth like envelope,baby geh u are dating your self borrow sense and leave that guy,he has a serious date or married self.
DeleteThere are so many people living with personality disorders and theyre not aware of it... most common ones are
ReplyDeleteNarcissistic personality disorder
Histrionic personality disorder
Borderline personality disorder
Avoidant personality disorder...etc
They can hold a stable relationship no matter how loving & considerate you are, it'd never work.... your boyfriend falls into one.
Thet cant*
DeleteOxygen you are so right. My ex falls into the category of being a narcissist. I daily questioned his mental state.
DeleteAt a point I started loosing confidence in myself thinking I was doing something wrong. He would constantly put me down. This one even calls me names. Manipulate me,all sorts I was taking just because I wanted to marry.
I just had to take a walk. Alot of ppl are walking around with mental disorders without even knowing. I thank God i escaped,because his next step would have been violence.
My sister has a mental disorder also, but she doesnt know, she thinks shes the smartest of us all, my mum keeps praying and praying, not knowing na follow come. I think its borderline disorder
DeleteI have seen that narcissistic madness and na God finally comot the yeye love for my eye!
DeleteI almost ran mad!
Oxygen, can I get to know you please? You are so vast and impressive. Nothing personal. I am just amused.
DeleteHmmm! Poster bone this guy now, he is not a serious person, he doesn't love you enough. I might be wrong ,maybe he's depressed or going through some tough times & putting it on you,but then you need to give him space. Even if he comes back as usual tell him you both need to stay away & really find what you really want for each other. Take your time to pray about this whole thing & if you don't get any positive vibes them block him everywhere, run & move on run. He seems toxic. Love is not what you explained up there. He is just a confused man.
ReplyDeleteStella got it right,this is real bondage.
ReplyDeleteBetter scamper from that situationship because your self esteem is astake.
You are more than just a possession to a man that only gives you attention when he f##king feels like.
Mtcheww!
Let him chase you,you are a woman! If he doesn't and keeps doing on and off,my sister,drop him! He is busy dating other girls. If you are dating someone and he is not "obsessed" with you,don't manage the situationship,move on to someone that would celebrate you.
ReplyDeleteObsessed? Thats a strong one oh.
DeleteAbsolutely true
DeleteNo rubbish in my 2019
Obsessed with love positively not negative way pleases
DeleteMarry him biko besides aw can u be demanding for 2500# he is based in d UK now and u know husband is scare BVs are always quick to say u shud leave him are dey d one DAT will.get u a new boo besides there are two sides of a story
ReplyDeleteThis morning you complained that only one unserious person added you on SnM.... see the rubbish advice youre giving, which serious man will look at you twice?
DeleteAnon 15:30 its like you don't understand sarcasm
DeleteAnon 18:09, it's actually you that doesn't understand sarcasm.
DeleteJust end this relationship already
ReplyDeleteMy dear just break up with this guy. When a relationship brings you more problems than joy. Then there is no point.
ReplyDeleteI just ended a relationship where a week hardly passes and we don't argue and meanwhile I am the gentle type. He was emotionally abusive just like your guy. Always complaining about me doing one thing or the other. Such men will even let you loose confidence in yourself. Let him be pls.
A guy that won't communicate with you for one whole week. Hmmmmmmm
Ruuuuunnnnnn!!!!!!!!....my sister ruunnnnnnnnnn..........
ReplyDeleteGuyman is feeling the heat of the abroad Lol... He's finding out that life's not easy in the snow. Poster free the guy please. Do you know what he's probably going through? Relocating to a different country, missing families, change of weather, accommodation, finding out the real meaning of racism and many many more.
ReplyDeleteThe stress is too much. If you can't be patient, let him go.
Right now, you are disturbing him. Do you know how he feeds, house, clothes and assimilate? Now you are adding more stress to the poor guys life by asking for money. Its not selfishness if he doesn't give you. He has none.
I always advise people, if you are leaving Nigeria for the abroad for the first time, broke off your relationship before you travel. That way, you won't have someone back home bothering you with phone calls of love, money and whatnot. There are many situations in the abroad that makes you depress easily and this situation is one of them.
Poster move on and don't be stressing him. When he's sorted there, then he will know what he wants. For now, he doesn't and for his mental health, leave him be.
He may not even have a job cos student from foreign countries don't get jobs easily now and if he does, there will be restrictions on work hours.
DeleteHe is a student na,all did entitlement on top anoda person money. madam go and work
ReplyDeleteNo mind these naija girls, once u ask them out, u take up d father roles instantly. Naija feminist! In d Europe where dey don't shout feminism u don't bother urself abt money when u r going on a date with a girl, she pays, u pay...naija feminism is all abt perspective, apply it where it favours u
DeleteThats the only line you'd see, when he ignores her for a week, you didnt see that part abi
DeleteWhat stupid entitlement feeling are you talking about? Its like you are just plain stupid. You didn't see the part she sent him a perfume on his birthday,do you know the cost of that perfume plus delivery yet common 2500 is hard for him. M sure you are part of the stingy and greedy lots that's why you talking trqsh,its only a broke ass that will be whining like you just doing
Delete@ Anon 16:28, you are a complete idiot. Read below 16:44 comment to give you sense of how many fuckboys exist.
DeletePoster, one advise I can give you is dumb this guy ASAP because the next line of action will be for Boyfriend to borrow money from you to carry out one big project.
Trying to split bills with a guy like it is done in the Europe will only tag you as a desperado and proud Miss Independent which will lead to the guy milking the woman dry or dumping her for good after enough sex. You want examples Linda Ikeji¿
Nigerian men are meant to be burdened, it is what seems real to them.
Even the abroad that you make reference to put the lead role with the woman, much preference is given to the woman.
Please learn to have sense
Stella Hs said it all. Abeg my sister jus end whtevr u think u are in. Dts nt a relationship mbok...
ReplyDeleteIf you feel he's not satisfying your relationship goals and needs, please leave. Your happiness is "importanter"
ReplyDelete🚶🏾🚶🏾🚶🏾🚶🏾🚶🏾🚶🏾🚶🏾🚶🏾🚶🏾🚶🏾🚶🏾
ReplyDeleteYea, be bold and start a new one that will end this way too, till you become so old and decide to stay with the one that is worse than the worst. Feminist that spends the man money and relate spending the man's money to being nice. U go te for there
ReplyDeleteBe nice
DeleteHehehehe
ReplyDeleteMy supposed boyfriend has barely spent 10k on me.I never complain because I can take care of my needs but from every indication, dude is stingy.
Thank God my birthday came before his; he only called and nothing more.
His was this month and I did exactly that.I know he is pained and obviously expected more but he can't even confront or question me cos I'll definitely make reference to mine. I was tempted to spring a surprise on him via one company but I had a second thought as he is just not worth it. Not to talk of being tagged a desperado. I will keep all my romantic ideas till that man that is worth the stress finds me.
I pay my TFare to see him, buy him fruits and never ever asked for a refund. Anyday I don't call him and just mention in passing that I didn't have airtime and couldn't recharge cos of network, he would ask why I didn't tell him to send me airtime.
Like I have to beg you to send me airtime or money. I don't roll that way.
We hardly relate well since his birthday and I care less.
RUBBISH AINT MAKING IT TO MY NEW YEAR.
Babes, I feel you.
DeleteDump that clodpod in 2018.
When you meet that guy who is open and giving it will make you even want to do more.
Save your money time and energy for that special person.
He will come ok?
Just don't take this year's trash into 2018.
Thanks anon 17:30
DeleteI certainly do know he'll come. it might take a while but he surely will and only then will I unleash all the love I have pilled up overtime.
I'm so leaving him in 2018 chikina.
See emotional blackmail oo.
Poster,please let this dude go mbok.
Distance relationship is for the strong and mighty and na money dey even oil am.
But unfortunately in your own case, nothing to help the friction.
Leave him in 2018 biko
Sensible girl! Useless men just full everywhere.
DeleteOya leave him and come and be dating their daddy....in hushbaby voice
DeleteI see some people saying entitlement,no it's not my right,apart from being a corper I am a fully trained professional baker so I am not in a quest to live on his money. I have sent gifts not once nor twice from here on special occasions apart from the birthday I even mentioned up there. isn't it nice for him to just try at least once.I know he's a student but at least now just be happy and Treat me Well,is that one much.I am just trying to address the few points people made in the comment.I ended it once but he wasn't willing to let go at all.
ReplyDeleteMy dear I absolutely understand you.
DeletePeople who are naturally stingy don't give but are always happy to accept.
And always try to make you guilty for accepting.
There are also men who have no plans for you in a relationship but just want to keep you tied to them.
They are okay with the IDEA of a relationship, NOTHING more.
There's a name for this.
You've got to be very very strict with yourself so you don't fall into those emotional manipulators.
He wasnt willing to let go???? NO dear, its you thats not willing to let go.... nobody can hold you down if you decide to cut them off completely!!! When youre ready you know what to do
DeleteMy dear which one is he wasn't ready to let go? You don't need his permission to move on,biko dumo his sorry ass and don't look back. Don't let all those yeye calls decieve,if it is block him even change your number if needed and him block him on all social media platforms
DeleteDarling, you are the one still holding on to the 'situationship', not him. You still have this ray of hope that things would improve.
DeleteDo not let him have any access to you, block him on all SM handles. I hope that you will be bold enough to let go. Best of luck.
Life is about balances. Dear Poster, you didn't tell us what it is about him that makes you love him to the point that you guys are talking marriage. Everyone has both their good and bad side. It is left to you to weigh things and also determine if you can put up with him.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing is how have you carried yourself that someone will be calling you fool while dating? After marriage, he will start beating you oh. Let him know you're not desperate and will not accept any disrespectful behavior so that he knows now that you will not take rubbish.
As regards him calling you names when angry, babe.. nobody looks at something/someone they love, Cherish and adore and use foul language in referring to them. Does it mean he can't control his anger or his mouth? Trust me, when the chips are down, those words will hurt you, kill your self-esteem, and lead to depression.
Untop of his extremely bad behavior, he is now stingy. Hmm.. My dear, run. Do you want to be sighing on SDK blog reading stories of how other people are loving their wives and giving them cars for birthday and Christmas?
God has blessed you with a brain. It's not worth going through life with a husband who cannot support you, make you feel like a queen and keep you happy. Let him carry his wahala to the next level and find a cool naija guy.
All the best
My sister I was once in a relationship like this. It took a lot of strength to leave that relationship and I'm glad I did. I'm currently in a loving relationship where this man yearns for me just as I yearn for him. Leave now and don't let those silly mind games he plays fool you
ReplyDeleteIt might not be easy for you to do, but please take a walk from that relationship. All the best!
ReplyDeletePoster leave that sick manipulator or you will regret it in life if you dey marry him. He will never change. Run, just run. I will in it called marriage. Brought him to Europé and he left the marriage and then he made sure there was no child. I made sure he knows he was just wicket, not smart. Our adopted child is here and now a MUST his responsibility. Nothing concern the child with divorce. Men who think are smart, but very stupid.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend is an orphan nd he sews,he doesn't spend on me...I may be singing to his ears that I dont have call card and it just won't occur to him to send me airtime cos I hardly ask...d only tym he gave me a gift wan my birthday and one oda tym dey gifted him sumtin .... Hmmm,he gifts me things he has bought for himself but doesn't like..not that if he liked it,he'd av given me...weve bn togeda for ova 1 year nd only gave me 1k for hair... Ok I'm making plans dat Xmas I'll get him sumtin,ive bn asking him for just 3k things since I can't remember but keeps promising... Im just trying to manage cos I know it isnt easy bn a hustler in Lagos without families to help nd all by himself feeding,transporting himself,paying rent,I'm really pitying him and don't want to leave him cos of his status,no one knows tomorrow..bt again is this how I'll live in poverty in marriage? I'm confused as dude isn't educated but very sound,he dropped out wen his parents died...so no certificate to work,no money to go back na just handwork which apparently isn't enough cause he can't even rent a room on his own.he's 29 already and most people think he's educated with the way he talks,dude is very Godfearing,infact we're practicing abstinence,he doesn't like to open up even to his big clients dat see him as a family, how will he get helpers If he keeps hiding things like that?I'm confused cos Im very hardworking bt I dont want him to leave his responsibilities on me after marriage.I'm scared too bt I love him.
ReplyDeleteLife is not easy, you are working he is a student, stop asking him for money. uK is very hard, I’m a masters student too and I go vex if anybody ask me for money o, some of the job we do self to make ends meet you people asking for money won’t agree to do it...please leave the guy alone, when he is done and ready, if he loves you and you’re still available he will come back
ReplyDeleteThe guy is just using you to make himself happy, he is getting benefits from you that is why he is keeping you. Guy man has better softwares over there, why don’t you forget about this dude and face men in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteAll these yeye long distance relationship. There is no such thing as long distance relationship. It continues bc one party is benefiting from the scam and wants to keep the one way River flowing. Someone you see once in a year is your boyfriend? Yeah right.
ReplyDeleteSame old story! Shior! Anoda empty brain girl. Stella, let's start that girlchild coaching/mentoring segment I suggested some time ago. Most of these girls need education. Pls pls pls I'm so passionate about this. I don't mind doing it for free.
ReplyDelete@poster
1) This is normal men behavior when you don't know your worth. If he marries you with this shallow self esteem of yours, it will still continue.
2) Work on your self confidence. Every other thing will fall in place. There isn't enof space to coach you properly here, you may drop your contact where I can reach you.
3) For the sake of this chronicle, i'll say stop being desperate. Just relate with him as you would your kid brother. Respect him and love him. Demand your respect where necessary too. More importantly, allow him to breathe pls. He's not your husband. Give him space and freedom to be himself. He wants a girlfriend, be one.
4) Again, stop being desperate. Life is not that hard like Aunty Joke said. Concentrate on yourself. Build yourself. Make your self happy. Interact with other people(friends, families, colleagues... Whoever!) That way you'll have less time to worry about his idiosyncrasies. Everybody has one. Who are you to judge his own? Do you think you're perfect for him either? He also has several things about you that don't go well with him but men don't nag like we do. Learn not to. Their philosophy is to ' live and let live' and everybody is happy.