STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LAST CHANCE
Good day people of SDK, please kindly advise me. I;m 30 and not in any relationship, I;Have never been lucky to see someone I love to date, and I;m still a virgin.
The only man on my neck now is a widower with 4kids. Age is no longer on my side, what if I don;t see another again? Please is it advisable to marry such man?
How can I cope with 4kids of ages 15-3 yrs? He;s 45yrs and financially stable, please advise me as a sister.
*You are too desperate to marry...Ah ah,you are just 30 and have this kind of mindset?There is nothing wrong with Marrying a man with four kids but OMG that is a lot of luggage.........
Marriage is tough enough and starting it this way eh,I dont you will have any time for yourselves but will start it off taking care of those kids.......Think well before you enter one chance....This is what it looks like!
This leap of faith is too deep, u might break leg ..with ur desperation, u won't be a good stepmother, simple.
ReplyDeleteIf youre age 40 i'd support u marry him.
DeleteIf you were cripple or blind, i'd support u marry him.
If he had just 2 kids, i'd support.
Besides the market people say "Fine girl come na or chai, see beauty".... do u hear it else where? If not i think u should consider oh, guys have become more selective in choosin a wife.
You're just 30 and desperate. You better calm down before you go and enter one chance. This situation wan enter na nanny disguise you will turn to.
DeleteDon't sell yourself short, you can do better. Let the widower find a widow, they'll be fine
A friend of mine once dated a divorcee with 3kids. Asides him always being broke because he pays child support in U.S. he also told my friend they can have only one child if they marry. Infact it was my friend even paying flight to U.S. to visit him. She was 34 and he 35.
DeleteMy friend had to give herself brain and leave even with her age.
She's doing very well and she knew she will be the one funding the marriage.
So my 30yr old sister think well. Except this widower is extremely rich don't even consider it. You will just be a nanny and be suffering. Additional kids won't even be on his mind.
Meanwhile Stella I know a girl live that is dating Davido's father. She is in her mid 30s and he spoils her silly. Let me not spill her name here. Widowers work for some ppl o.
Let me go anon abeg.
Haba babe you're just 30 what's the rush? Dude is a whole 15yrs older. No no no, don't even consider it. Focus on yourself and career, man will come, better man oh not anyhow or baggage man. Cheers.
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DeleteAT 30 you already have this mumu mindset, nawa o, you mean 1,2,3,4 kids? Na you biko
DeleteObviously this one doesnt like her peace. Let d man look after his 4 kids. Men, always looking for free maid in the name of marriage
DeleteLolzz see long queue of people to compete for attention with, 4 children and you are 30, calm down don't be in a hurry to write your self off the market biko
DeleteCalm down.
ReplyDeleteYou never even said anything about the man except the baggage he comes with, which shows you don't even have the slightest attraction for him.
If you were even going into this for love, ill say you might survive, but the fact that you are going in because you think that's the only option you have and will ever have shows that the marriage if contracted will just be a timebomb exploding in your face soon...
Calm down..
Breathe..
Don't pressure yourself and stop letting pressure get to you.
You will be fine.
Madam take a chill pill, he's age is not a problem (that's if he's not above that... So he got married at 25??),he's kids are.
ReplyDeleteAre you ready to manage teenagersand their rude nature?? And all their wahala??? Madam think we'll before you regret your actions later in future..
If he doesn't have kids,he's age is just perfect
I'm 36 and single and won't even enter this sort of marriage.
DeleteA woman from 40 upwards,maybe a single mum will be better suited for this man because she has experience with kids. It wont be easy for a young girl. Step kids that age will show you ween.
As for me despite my age,I just left a fruitless relationship and i won't still go for this. So pls dont be desperate at 30. It's better you are patient and get things right.
Madam what is the difference btw 36 and 40. This is how you guys will be deceiving yourself and thinking you are still young
Deletemarry the man joor,that's if he is ur ideal man.No time to dy check time
ReplyDeleteIf you weigh all the pros and cons and feel it's ok to marry the man, go ahead but if not, stay on your lane for him to look for another woman.
DeleteThat said, those that are saying age is on your side are thesame people that will ask you when you are 40 why you are still single. Bear that in mind.
Don't mind these ladies, see their mouth yen...yen...yen. Is the man not taking care of the kids before. Did he say that he'll leave the burden of the kids to this poster. His first child is 15 and hence should be able to take care of the 3yrs old and the one before, wetin remain. Me believe it'll even prepare the poster well for mother hood. Most of these ladies telling you no, will not blink twice in marrying the man. You are in doubt so you can free the man, he will meet the right woman.
DeleteIt works for some. My aunt married a very rich widower at 25. He was 37 and had 3kids.
DeleteThey have been married 40yrs with her own additional 3kids.
All the 6 kids are doing well and married
30 and you’ve written yourself off already? Please don’t settle unless you’re doing so because of love.
ReplyDeleteAhan, you sound like you’ve given up already. Why do you people put yourselves under pressure to the extent you give yourselves age stamp to achieve certain things. I know people who married “late” and are very happy while some who married quite earlier wish they had waited - marriage is not a school or degree where you measure your success based off the success of your mates.
Baby girl, calm down. If you can’t love another woman’s kids like yours then forget about it because four children is not beans. You’d end up frustrated and angry. Then imagine if the man doesn’t want more kids or you start fighting for his attention over his existing kids. Go out and mingle, many of you are introverted and the only time you interact with people is when you’re on Facebook or one social media platform. Go out and be seen. Dress well, smell nice and smile, I am not saying you should put yourself in men’s faces but be approachable.
Gbam. On point. God bless you.
DeleteI'm 41, female and still single. I think you are too desperate and lack self esteem. Not that anything is totally wrong with a man with kids but with your mindset of feeling too old at 30...What! You probably are looking at others)society to run your race... that is dangerous
Deletesista help me tell her o. 30 and feeling old. wetin we go talk? let her just set realistic goals. she will meet a nice guy
Deleteyou go fear many of you are introverted na. extrovert! 🙌🙌
DeleteAbet no try am! Why didn't you participate in SNM? Pls, take your time & believe miracles can still happen! 4 kids are too much baggages abeg! Take your time...
ReplyDelete... Jesus is my worth!
Abeg*
Delete... Jesus is my worth!
Four kids are too much baggage; really?
DeleteBut you will want a man to marry a single mother with 6 kids.
Are you for real?
Anonymous 16:43, a single man wont even marry a single mother of 2 kids not to mention single mother of 6 kids.Na to just dey shine her kongo.
DeleteSee your mouth, Jesus is your worth indeed. How is four kids a baggage? And na your type go be side chick for one Alahaji wey get 25 kids. Hypocrites.
DeleteWe are in the same boat however am not desperate.I am also thirty like you and also a virgin. Even small kids I don't know stop me on my way out to tell me aunty you are beautiful. Guys just stare but don't come close. Don't know what to say to you, so Let me perch here for advise.
ReplyDeleteGo for deliverance and thank me later
DeleteHmmmm,i never said I haven't been in any relationship before. I was, but broke it off because i wasn't offering sex.
DeleteBiko it's not that serious.
Doppel already told me what I refused to acknowledge which is am extremely introverted and am already working on that now. Used to be the always indoor type of girl.Thanks all the same
Wow.. Anon 16:58 same here . I am extremely introverted which affected me greatly. Still a virgin too. It is well
DeleteFist of all the reason for which you want to settle for this man is wrong.
ReplyDeleteYou are 30 so what? Let me tell you, like sdk said its alot of baggage. And let me promise you, you will forget yourself in the midst of taking care of this children and Oga. And it will never be enough.
Why? You are too young to carry thia load except of course ylu are very sure.
If you decide to settle put everything on the table. Ask all the questions you want to ask.
Iarried a widower and i can tell you its tough. All the same nothing in life is easy.
But think carefully. Is this what you really want? 30 is not a death sentence.
The journey is not easy, you dont see the mines until you are there.
There will be days he will side with the children instead of standing with you. Can you take that? Talk to older people who have been in this situation. Dont go in blindly. I wish there were things i had done. But its well. I love my step children and i do my best. But even at that its never enough. Pray and be sure this is the road ylu want to take.
Money is not everything. What i mean is it doesnt matter if he is wealthy.
Again, it depends on the kind ofan he is. Remember, you jusy know in part before the wedding. You get to know the real thing after the wedding.
There is a man out there for you. Best wishes.
Sorry for the typo errors.
DeleteSo children without a mother are a lot of baggage. Hope those of you saying all that will all live long for your kids.
Delete4 Kids ke? you want to turn yourself to a nanny?
ReplyDeleteAdvice*
ReplyDeletePoster seriously calm down, its a difficult decision to make but looking at it from the bright side,the children will turn out to be a blessing for you..They would help with things like household chores,company,love and you get to reap from them when the time comes.They automatically become your children,Your biological children become their siblings too, its not so bad and they are not so young afterall.
ReplyDeleteThe man needs a most mother- figure for his Children and that is fine. He should look for a divorcee or a widower.
ReplyDeleteThere is no need for you to rush into marriage, please. Do not be desperate. Your own man will definitely come. When it comes to marriage, one needs to get it right. Make sure that you have everything going well for you and do not let your not being married define you. Take it easy, dear. Plenty time.
Only 30 and you already giving up on your self. Please hang on, your man will come
ReplyDeleteSerious one chance.
ReplyDeleteYou're just 30 and you are acting like you are 99 going on 100,my dear relax jo,God has a plan for you but not this rushing and mindset, before you jump in and jump out like its hot oil.
30 is young!
ReplyDeleteYou'd look 45 after 5yrs of marriage due to necessary stress!
That mans attention will be split into 5places, ur share will be the smallest.
Are you ugly & fat? Why will this be ur last bus stop?
You dont love him, ure just scared.
four kids is a lot. i'll a suggest you calm down first and think things over because when you begin having your own kids you will have divided attention. the question is are you sure you will be able to show them equal love and attention without feeling and treating them differently to avoid the step mother brouhaha?. if you are not very very sure within yourself then wait a little more, believing and another man will come
ReplyDeletedid you participate in yesterday's singles mingle you might be lucky
DeleteBabe calm down! Being 30 & single is not the end of the world you know! Don't marry that widower with 4kids, you are too young to be ladened with such responsibilities. Maybe you can focus on something else like you job/business, focus on looking good & loving/finding yourself, your man will come along the way. This man is not your husband o, I can only advice you to marry him if he was Dangote/Gates/adeleke, that way you can afford to have a life of luxury ,housekeepers,cooks,nannies etc & not stress your life out with the plenty responsibilities of being a mother to those 4kids & the ones you will have, plus taking care of the home. You have to remain calm & put your head up high. Being a virgin at 30 is not a crime. If you want to be laid then look for a boyfriend, get him & you tested for STI/STD's then get laid & live your life, don't rush into a life you will come to regret. I'm advising you as a sister o.
ReplyDeleteAgain don't forget the God factor, take it to God in prayer, just forget about looking out for men make your self comfortable & happy & your husband will come & marry you.
So what if you are 30?
ReplyDeleteIs that why you want to settle for what your heart does not want?
4 whole children! It would take an angel to embark on such a journey.
ReplyDeleteA Virgin going into marriage that already produce 4kids? Don't even try it
ReplyDeleteFinancially comfortable: what does he do; genuine business or wahoo, wahoo?
ReplyDeleteWidower: what was the circumstances surrounding the death of the mother of those kids; DV, rituals etc?
If you are able to frankly answer those questions and rule out any foul play, then:
Do you love this man unconditionally: if you do, then, those kids are your kids. Do proper courtship (without fork)
and get bonded with them and see if they want/yearn for you. If they do, give all the love you have to them and they
will reciprocate.
If they don't want you; especially the 15 year old, then that is when it is tough. If you love the man, then you must love his kids.
To do otherwise is to be selfish.
Naija girls will always tell you say a man dey "financially comfortable" without telling you wetin the man dey do.
ReplyDeleteYahoo and ritualists even kidnappers are financially comfortable.
you are automatically a nanny if you marry him you hear
ReplyDeleteMadam kam dan. i am 37yrs single but not a virgin though. no relationship for years now, its lonely sometimes but i get by. focus on Ur job, join a dept in church if you are a christian. be friendly, outgoing and dont over select like me pls. a good man who fears God and responsible with a source of income is fine. pls make sure he loves you more
ReplyDeleteI married at 37 so I know what you are going through but I like your attitude to your predicament I decree in the name of Jesus that you will get married in 2019
DeleteAmen on behalf of the poster and myself in Jesus name.
DeletePoster slow down oo. You are still young at 30 yrs. Don't be too desperate. I think 4 kids is too much for you to tolerate or handle. Calm down. You will a single man. Maybe you want to marry him because he has money. It is your choice sha. All the best.
ReplyDeleteSee*
DeletePoster love yourself some more don't do this to yourself.
ReplyDeleteMarry who you love and loves you back.
Don't rush into hot oil.
The way I hate opening chronicles to read stories like this ehh. What kind of mind set is this, at 30 you are this desperate? People are happily getting married at 36.my friend got married at 35 to the best man. Just imagine the baggage in the name of bearing Mrs. Sweedy don't allow anyone put pressure on you, put your focus on God your story can change in a second. Be prayerful and very positive.
ReplyDeleteSorry dear this might sound a bit harsh, but this man just wants a sex partner and a nanny for his kids. Do you think and at 45 and after 4 kids he would want more kids?
ReplyDeleteAbeg calm down, your best years are still ahead of you. Don't be so desperate!
Madam poster..... you better take your time there is another man out there for you. Not 1 or 2 but 4 children. Haa!!! It won’t be easy on you, those children will be his priority all the time and that is where the problem starts....
ReplyDeleteif your reason for saying yes to him is because of your age. Then get ready to pack out as soon as you get in.
ReplyDeleteJust 30 fa!
Na wa what type of desperation will make one marry someone with four kids.Is just too much you will age over night and by the time you will add yours trust me will be so tough to manage.How can a virgin settle for this oh please you deserve better abeg.
ReplyDeleteI realize girls of today between age 25 and 30 are so worried and scared they aren't married yet and are desperate to say yes to any man. What is responsible for this mindset, is it movies or parental pressure? To me, it is really sickening and annoying. Even at age 35,a normal woman should still rest assured and be calm and refuse to be pushed into marriage.
ReplyDeleteThe man is looking for a nanny and legal fuck. Poster, be weary!
ReplyDeletet make sure it is out of love.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with marrying a widower. You have kept yourself, dont waste such a precious gift on some Yahoo boys who will waste your destiny later.
Finally, if you dont love him, wait until you are able to find a good man ( that is becoming increasingly scarce these days).
Same with me too,36 and just left a relationship,I won't allow age to make me stay with a wrong man.Poster don't think you can't meet someone better,don't limit yourself.
ReplyDeleteI got married at 36 and married a fine ass looking guy who worships the ground I work on. I myself is not very beautiful but believed in myself. Didn't settle she my friends were settling. Finished Bed and Msc, got a good job and my husband came along.
ReplyDeleteMy male single cousin with NO BAGGAGE of 36 married a single woman of 37. No she is not rich, she is just a regular person and so is my cousin. She is even a little fat.
ReplyDeleteThere are still single men who look to your personal value and worth and not your age.
My friend married a widower whose grown children are giving her hell. You're too young to settle for less, you Will have many years ahead to mourn the loss of your youth and the sacrifice of your happiness on the altar of fear of being single.
If it is not love, don't marry. If it is desperation, don't marry. You will spend the rest of your life regretting it.
Good luck.
Sorry this can’t be a real chronicle. Why would a 30 year old say age is not on her side and wants to become a mother to four children? And by the time if she decided to have kids will add more kids to the four. At 30? Nah this isn’t true.
ReplyDeleteFour kids is just too much to handle at the age of 30 abeg.
DeleteMy dear you need prayers .....You really need to take time and talk to God.Thats not the will of God for you.
ReplyDeleteSerious prayer oh.....there is a yoke that has to be broken
Even 4kids personally for me is a lot not to talk of adding yours to it, pls think it through very well. Taking care of kids no be beans especially if those kids doesn't like you. Pls pray and seek advice before embarking on this journey.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you sounding like you are too old at 30, was even thinking maybe you are in your late thirties, God will help you.
Dear poster. Please don't be pressured into marriage. I felt pressure especially from my parents at 27 and got married. I was a virgin then, had no man coming to say even hi and thought life was passing me by.All my friends were already married. I took a decision to marry the only man on my case at the time.Today I live to regret that decision. I now know that if I had waited, I would have got someone worth the wait. Most times girls mortgage their happiness because of pressure. Please dont settle for a man with baggage. Look after yourself. Try new things out. Face your career. Focus on positive energies. Your own God given man will come along. Please don't settle for this.Please.
ReplyDelete"There is nothing wrong with Marrying a man with four kids but OMG that is a lot of luggage.." LOL!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSTELLA PLEASE DO NOT KILL ME WITH THE LAUGHTER!
POSTER PLEASE COPY THAT....30 DESPERATE? WHY ON EARTH NOW?
Marrying him myt not be a problem, but your reason for wanting to marry him is a problem already.
ReplyDeleteLook well before you leap ooo