STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED...
Dear Stella
I am confused about an issue and I will like to hear what others think.
I once had someone who I looked up to as my spiritual father being that after I lost my biological dad, he was very loving and caring towards my family. This man 'Pastor W' was very nice to me but with time started making s#xual advances towards me.
He would kiss me and thank me for condoning his excesses. Me being a victim of s#xual abuse from a tender age, I keep all this to myself due to fear.
Once I was able to leave that environment, I started to detest Pastor W. I cant stand him. I stopped picking his calls or responding to messages as the thought of him irritates me.
I will be getting married soon but I am yet to invite him. My family isn't aware of my real feelings towards him and they would be disappointed to know i didn't invite him.I dont want to call him, I am thinking of just sending an sms.
Please what is the best way to communicate with such a person?
Once I was able to leave that environment, I started to detest Pastor W. I cant stand him. I stopped picking his calls or responding to messages as the thought of him irritates me.
I will be getting married soon but I am yet to invite him. My family isn't aware of my real feelings towards him and they would be disappointed to know i didn't invite him.I dont want to call him, I am thinking of just sending an sms.
Please what is the best way to communicate with such a person?
*What are you inviting him for?Unless you want to open old wounds,I suggest you keep the abuser out of your live!!!
You must not invite him and you do not owe your family any explanation.
Or you can tell them that you sent him an invite and was so busy you didnt remember to get back to him.....He will also know why you didnt invite him....
what a chronicle! poster you don't need any advise cos you already know what to do.
ReplyDeleteShe needs advice. Everyone will call her ungrateful if she doesn't invite him. She needs wisdom to know how to avoid inviting him without offending her family. What Stella said may work
DeleteModella what do u meanshe doesn’t need advice? Can’t u think? The family would be wondering y she is not inviting the guy, is that not enough to seek advice
DeleteKindly let your people know, you don’t have to tell everyone but you can tell your mum or any other elderly woman, she alone would have your back. You don’t need to face that man again, not even on a day when it should be about you and your happiness. Don’t invite him, heaven will not fall but please share, maybe there’s even someone who needs to hear those words from you so they will know they are not alone
DeleteThe story of my life...I attended his wedding but never gave him shishi.He is My UNCLE!!!
DeleteCongratulations on your wedding.
ReplyDeleteThat man took advantage of you and would have done more if you hadn’t stopped going to him. He does not deserve to be invited to your wedding that’s giving him more ammunition to continue his evil deeds and molest other women.
If you can’t tell your family what happened even though I think you should to save other young naive girls then tell them you sent him an invite even when you won’t. Stop protecting abusers and out them every chance you get.
Doppelgänger you’ve spoken well. This outing of abusers is a very difficult thing especially when you have no evidence to corroborate your claims, or you don’t have a solid support system. Also, the truth is some people are truly weaker than others and can’t handle the negative attention such accusations bring. Horrible world we live in.
DeleteI think she should tell her family the real reason she is not inviting him. They should really see him for what he truly is. Disgusting abuser.
DeleteDont invite him. If your parents ask why,tell them to ask him. They will get the drift from your response. Sick people everywhere
ReplyDeleteOmeh is right... that alone will raise thoughts... if they insist, cry and say its a part of your life you dnt ever want to remember, but if they really need to knlw, they should ask him.. but be careful of those around before rumours start flying you slept with a "man of God" when you were young.. that's how shallow minded people can be..
DeleteAll the people that hurt and abused me I’ve cut them off. The enablers and the busters themselves all shut out of my life. To be sure it’s all shut out I don’t even go to Asaba anymore. At a point they would whisper, drop side comments about how Ivannah has changed. When it was becoming unbearable, I changed my number and viciously warned the few I still talk to not to give my number to anyone.
ReplyDeleteStella has advised you well. If you’re the outspoken type just straight up tell them that he is evil and you don’t want him near you. If they want to know more tell them to ask him. It’s your day of happiness and you definitely cannot have an evil reminder of your past at your wedding because you want to please the world.
I agree with you. The fire of God will consume all such men in Jesus name
DeleteSpiritual father indeed all these people with spiritual father mother brother sister I dey fear una. Was it not spiritual son that pregnant my neigbour daughter in the name of visiting his spiritual parents.spiritual pussy and dick everywhere. Poster don't invite him if you mistakenly see him in your wedding just take microphone and spill how he abused you .
ReplyDeleteAnnoy owambe
😂😁😀😅
DeleteWay to go!
You’re starting a new phase of life as a victim and now survivor of sexual abuse. Start it on a fresh page and let every hurtful reminder remain in the past.
ReplyDeleteOh my God! You not only protected an abuser for many years, you are also considering giving him an invite to your wedding? You don't need to pretend about not wanting that man at your wedding. Let it be known, shout at the top of your voice that he is an abuser, and has no place in your life nor does he deserve to be present on your special day. In keeping so much to yourself all these years, I just hope you've found a way to heal and let go before embarking on this new journey. Congratulations. I wish you the very best.
ReplyDeleteForget him please.
ReplyDeleteLeave pastor W alone, his presence is not needed, face your wedding
ReplyDeleteAnno mode activated!
ReplyDeleteMy uncle's best friend molested me when I was 8. He will call me into his room (They lived in the BQ of our compound) and Suck my small pussy like hell. He never made an attempt to penetrate me thou maybe because my dad was a police officer. He did this until I was 10 and only stopped because he moved to another City.
I hate him for this but i did not allow the whole ordeal control my emotions.
He still calls my number to check on me and I receive his calls Just Fine.
if I have the opportunity will I kill him? YES
Do I wish his Daughter's will suffer the same fate? HELL YES
My advise, just invite the man and ignore him through out ur wedding. There is no need crying over split milk, Let it Go. Karma is a Bad Bitch!!!!
You still receive his calls well? What are you hoping for or what are you planning to do with him?
DeleteI am so sorry that happened to you
DeleteAbeg shut up! He sucked you and didn’t penetrateHe was nice and he only pleasured u even tho u didn’t know wat pleasure is then.Dont wish his children any evil,they r not the ones that gave u head 😃😃.abi didn’t u feel good each time he sucked u? You didn’t cry did u? So shut the fuck up!
DeleteU still receive his calls???...ok
DeleteI wonder what you are still receiving his calls for and what you both discuss. You are just deceiving yourself cos you seem ready to let him finish what he started with you.
DeleteI'm sorry this happened to you. I think gloomy would benefit from some form of therapy bc it seems that you are still hurting (rightfully so) from what happened. I wish you ALL the best.
DeleteHmmmmmmm
Delete17:10 I've never read a more stupid comment. I thunk Stella shouldn't have posted your comment. You're asking whether an 8 year old enjoyed being molested. You are a fool
DeleteI'm just angry! Silent culture has killed us in Nigeria. An abuser is supposed to be facing jail terms in walking freely and you are worried about what you family will say if you don't invite him to your wedding! I'm just weak because you can't stand your ground on this issue. Simply tell your family you don't want to see him. This brings us back to the issue of child abuse by people close to the family. I'm very sure everyone around you was negligent and if you had spoken up you would probably have been beaten or punished for 'lying' parents watch your female children well abeg!
ReplyDeleteForget the man joor
ReplyDeletePls dear, it is not a must to invite all and sundry to your wedding. If I were you, I will not invite him. But what did I know, follow your mind.
ReplyDeletePls dear, it is not a must to invite all and sundry to your wedding. If I were you, I will not invite him. But what did I know, follow your mind.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to invite him, can't imagine seeing that kind of man at my wedding, if need be, explain to your mum and if you know you can't tell her, make her understand you sent him an invite already. Then face your marriage preparation. No need opening old wounds, God help us from all this devil incarnate disguising like a spiritual father.
ReplyDeleteDo not invite him! You should be 100% happy on your wedding day, and you control your happiness. As a matter of fact, considering what he did to you he should keep far from you, how bold could he be to show up at your wedding. Don't invite him and you may want to even let him know personally not to attend if you fear a family member may invite him behind your back, tell him you don't want any pedophile at your wedding so he should keep far. Fuck pedophiles, they are trash and deserve no respect.
ReplyDeleteThe word Pastor and spiritual father has been so abused. How can a Pastor be sexually harassing a young girl ? It is well o. It's best you tell your family straight up or you invite him and ignore him all through the wedding
ReplyDeletePls just follow Stella's advice
ReplyDeleteSome church owners are very terrible people.I can’t call them pastors because they r not fit to be called that.this reminds me of one man,he was a church owner,he was invited to my church during one of our youth programs,a very handsome man tho.the message he gave that day was so interesting and so I went to meet him after the prog to let him know I was blessed by the message.Am part of my church youth officials...we talked a bit and then he requested for my number.i gave him without thinking twice cos I held him in high esteem.he used to call me to come over to his place cos he needs me to do something for him,well the first time I went,it was because he told me there was to be a prayer session holding at his place.i went and the session was awesome,d second Time I went,he asked me to come help him out some things in order.i think think bad of cos,I got there and he was alone at home.i remember well he was wearing a short and an armless.i was wearing a dress,simple and not provocative in anyway.he asked me some personal questions,I felt it was absurd but I answered.i was a Virgin then,I told him that.after the whole talk,he asked me to help him get something from the room under his pillow.i went in there and he followed me.this man raped me! He took my pride from me,he didn’t even listen to my plea,he raped me to his satisfaction and even released in me...I really hate to remember this.this man didn’t even feel bad after it! He had the guts to be telling me he really didn’t blv I was a Virgin,he thought I was lying and he wanted to be sure�� and the fool also said he loves the way I was crying beneath him..he is a beast! ��
ReplyDeleteAnd you are still keeping quiet?
DeleteWhy don't you call him out?
OMG
Oh my world! You say what?
DeleteI am so sorry dear.
Please we should all be wary of these pastors and revs. Tell your kids and siblings to relate with them (if need be) from afar That's how one Rev Fr invited naive teenage me to his parish when that they were doing Easter Retreat only to get there and be told me I came too early (he gave me that time oh).
Took me to the parish house and heavy toasting began with the promise of heaven on earth, I begged to leave but he was not having any of that. He finally let me out anyway. I guess my saving grace was the many people in the parish house, so he was probably scared of going further than that.
God forbid but I would have called the man out. I would have set him up, recorded a call with him admitting what he did and taken it to Human Rights radio.
DeleteDon't invite him.
ReplyDeleteHe has no business being a there .
If you have his number,call him and tell him that if he was or is invited,it was an error.
Good luck poster.
Happy Marriage in advance.
Oloshi spiritual father indeed..you better dnt call him if not so the idiot will keep Distributing you even why married..
ReplyDeleteDon't invite that beast
ReplyDeleteDon't invite the rotten old fool
Damn the efulefu
What an idiot he is to make you go through that trauma with his smelly mouth
You want to tell him you are getting married so that he can finish the uncompleted job he started abi? Stay there and be asking questions, is he the only one that will give your hand in marriage? Don’t you have a good pastor that will bless you on your send forth prayer or wedding? Why do you need his presence? Is possible your family members may have informed him of your wedding, just forget that man and face your marriage, he will bring back old memories on your wedding day and that alone may destroy your marriage.
ReplyDeleteThose fools who took advantage of me when I was little, I have deleted and block them all, if you offend me or you are playing with my emotions, I delete or block you straight. No time
Don't invite the beast.
ReplyDeleteYour husband to be doesn't know this otherwise you wouldn't even be thinking about sending him an invite. Please whatever upbringing you had do not use it on your kids. Teach them to be brave. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDelete