STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
RELOCATING SPOUSE
Stella,
I need your advice on this, plus that of BVs in Lagos.
I need your advice on this, plus that of BVs in Lagos.
Me and hubby got married immediately after NYSC (we met in camp),we live in Kaduna, but I lost my job while pregnant. The issue now is that hubby's company here in Kaduna is facing some challenges but his boss in Lagos asked him to come and continue working in Lagos but there won't be any provision for accommodation.
His salary here is 70k while he will be receiving 100k in Lagos. I've been job hunting, so my plan is to follow him to Lagos and continue my search for a job. Hubby said the office is in Lekki and accommodations in Lekki are very expensive.
His plan is for me to go join his parents in Abuja while he stays in Lagos till maybe when things change.
Please my Lagos BVs, is there no place closer to Lekki that we can get maybe like 1 room and parlor selfcon for 250k and an affordable daycare for my one year old baby while I look for jobs? Please I will send him this link to read your advices. Thanks.
Please my Lagos BVs, is there no place closer to Lekki that we can get maybe like 1 room and parlor selfcon for 250k and an affordable daycare for my one year old baby while I look for jobs? Please I will send him this link to read your advices. Thanks.
*Why dont you do as he says first to avoid any extra stress on him?Lagos is not just where you move to without planning well..Infact the stress there can break up a good Marriage...I suggest you stay with his Parents as suggested if they are stress free and wait for him to settle down for at least 6months.....
If not,take the risk follow am go oh...
Go with him please. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteMadam go with him abeg
DeleteHmmm,go with him o, my hand no dey o...
DeleteLiving with in laws is the beginning of see finish. Madam, follow your husband
DeleteChai make una pity us oooo. Lagos is overpopulated already. Chai
DeleteMadam. Pls go with him. You can rent a room n parlour from Ilaje just before Ajah from 200k to 250k per year. You just have to ensure you manage resources n secure a job as well to support him. Once you reach Lagos strategically look for better opportunities.
DeleteI don laff tire.some comments really made me laughed.some will just open there phone and start typing what they have no idea on..mtchew.
DeleteBia Poster,I am a single and it took me 5 solid months to get a good accommodation.Even where I am has no water.
Congratulations on d new salary for ur husband.u need to give him time to settle in Lagos .It will take nothing less than 4-6 months for ur husband to get a good accommodation, before then,if u follow him,where are u both going to stay?.Lagos is not where u rush to if u are looking for house.There are agents that are ready to sell rubbish house to u bcos of their own commission.it is when u live in Lagos dt u will know where to rent ur house.some places on d island are no go area.Let ur husband come and experience it first hand, experience dey say is d best teacher.He might even resign at d end of d day and look for something doing in Kaduna or Abuja.Leave him,let him take d decision.
On staying at ur inlaw,dt is d best advise if ur rent is due in Kaduna.D success of u staying in d house depends on you.If u are not lazy,wayward and aproko (na everything u dey see),u will enjoy ur in-laws house pending d time ur husband will get a house..
For those asking u to come at him dt u will see job,pls ask them,na so d job easy?...mtchew.
Abeg leave ur husband, by d time he stays in lagos fir like a month or two,he will know wat to do.
Beejay
Love aloh you are funny
DeleteDon't stay with your in-laws, see finish will set in. You stand a better chance of starting something or getting a job in Lagos, however, I will suggest getting someone from KD or your relation to help you look after the baby because daycares are expensive for a 100k salary. You can get accommodation on the island, Ajah or after Ajah and having you there will also be good for your hubby. Eating out will be more expensive for him, will he have time to cook after work if he comes alone?
DeleteFollow him to Lagos please. Don't let him come and form bachelor for Lagos. Yellow sisi full everywhere and are looking for married men like him to cook for.
Hmnnnn I understand you want to be with him and rough it out but save yourself and baby the stress and stay in your parents house if you dont want to stay at your inlaws till he finds his feet.
ReplyDeleteIf the conditions were right,your relocating with him would have made sense.He can be lucky to get somewhere within your budget around Ajah environs but tfare to Lekki will eat into his budget amongst other things.
If he is focused, he can plan, save get to know his way around,rent a place before bringing you guys over.
All the Best
God bless u.
DeleteThe option was to stay with his parents not hers. Read to understand.
DeleteThere are places close to lekki that you can get such accomodation...
ReplyDeletePlease go with him, you will get an affordable apartment at Sushi or awoyaya. Don't play with your marriage and you can get a well paid teaching job in a private school as well.
ReplyDeleteFrom Awoyaya to lekki is minimum of 400 then add coming back and feeding
DeleteAdd holdup n frustration on a daily basis. Its not worth it abeg. If its abt him going after lagos girls he still will even if u 4llow him 2 work everyday so madam think twice. Una go dey leave house 4am/5am cm bk 10pm everyday so where's d we time n baby time? Lagos life nor easy. If uve never tasted it u won't understand. Ive been there, had 2 borrow sense n returned 2 Delta. If I'll ever relocate to lagos I must b counting millions cos thats d only way 2 enjoy that state.
DeleteType what you know. Who told you people that like in Awoyaya leave by 4 and get back by 10? You obviously don't live on the island. You were obviously living in Ikorodu and working on the island. The fact that you failed doesn't mean she shouldn't try. Poster, people live in Awoyaya and work on the mainland, your husband will be going to Lekki which is even closer than VI so don't mind them. Come to Lagos, You won't regret it.People complain about the traffic but Lagos has a lot to offer and once you have accommodation, You won't want to leave.
Deletemadam abeg you with God, avoid staying with his parents for now AT ALL costs. look for a place or BQ within Lekki and environs to rent. Your marriage is tooooooo young for you to nyansh down with ur inlaws, besides with you in Lag with your hubby, the inconvenience can sometimes propel both of you to explore other financially productive avenues.
ReplyDelete2- Please go on the contraceptive immediately as you both need to plan your life before bringing another child to suffer
3- you cant be job hunting and afford another belle with just 100k - certainly not in a place like lag.
4. Dont put your child in daycare till you have secured a job.
5. Whilst job hunting, think of skills you can immediately monetise with minimal impact to child care ie making peoples hair, running a photocopy/printing boot around those embassies in lag, sewing from home (if you know how to), cooking and selling prepacked foods to corporate staffs in banks and its environs.
Please, poster listen to all this advice. And I also follow to beg you in the name of God, Don't start squatting with in-laws so soon.
DeleteWithout mincing words Stella is right when she said Lagos stress can tear ur home apart. Lagos, with 100k, in lekki, with a jobless wife and kid Sounds like a comedy skit to me. Dear his Idea is d best 4 now or better he stays put with u in kaduna with his shaky job n hopes 4 d best. Las las na God hand e dey.
ReplyDeletePEOPLE STILL SURVIVE.Mdam go with your husband.do not go to his parents
DeleteBbjac
No matter how little your income is,even on the island..live within your means.
DeleteBecause you failed in your quest to live in Lagos and had to relocate to Delta doesn't mean thousands of people that move to Lagos everyday does not succeed.
DeleteIf U Trust Ur Husband.. Let Him Go Alone Later U Can Join Him. Stay With His Parents For Now
ReplyDeleteMy dear don't trust anybody...you better arrange your bag and go with him.
DeletePlease go with him to lag. Which one is to stay with parents for sometime? Are u a baby that sum1 will be keeping with granma? Please go with him. You can even get a job for yourself in Lag.
ReplyDeleteListen to Stella's advice my dear. Lagos is too stressful on it's own to add another stress of relocating a family there without proper planning. Allow him to settle first before you join him with your child. Or don't you trust him? Because I understand your fear.
ReplyDeleteEven though the woman no talk am.
ReplyDeleteThe issue here is how the other room activities go be.
With all these Lagos girls wey no dey wear pants. They fit
swoop on the guy come dash am fork anyhow. -
E no easy to stay away from ones spouse that long. Except im go dey come
like every 2-3 weeks.
Lol. @lagos girls wey no dey wear pant 😂
DeleteI don’t think the man has the luxury of coming home every other week o. Lagos to abuja no be Keffi to Abuja. He can’t afford to take flights and coming by road is like Israelite journey from Egypt. This is a very dicey situation. I would say she should stay with his folks for at least 6mnths If his parents are peace loving people, to enable him find his feet in lag. Biko don’t exceed your stay in his parent’s house o...na their see finish dey pass enter. I know what I’m saying. May God be with you as you slug it out. Just be patient with him.
LMAO 😀😁🙆🙆
DeleteSo men who live with their wife's don't cheat? No be some dey sleep with housegirl under madam roof she no go know? If a man is a dog, 24 hrs sex will not stop him from being one
DeleteYou're not serious. lol
Deleteits not really about the other room. Its about staying with his parents. Its not going to be a walk in the park. And she knows.
Delete15:49, but the cheating get spectrum. Without her there, the hubby will just be living as a single guy. He can even have a live-in girlfriend while the wife walks on eggshells and wastes away in his parents’ house. Poster, please. Go with your man to Lagos. At least, you both live together now and you’re both managing the 70k or so. In Lagos, his pay will even be higher than that and he wouldn’t be spending anything extra than he was spending before. At least not significantly. If you move on with your in-laws, hmmmm, you will hear wen! And your hubby will not be in a hurry to relocate you and the baby because of the single lifestyle he would be enjoying in Lagos.
DeleteU will clean and cook tire for the abuja house. D stress will be less if yu go with your hubby abeg
DeletePls go with him biko, so if both of you have get an opportunity to travel out of Nigeria for greener pastures won't you people cope?
DeleteMadam, go with him. There are many people with families who work in lekki with that kinda salary and live on the mainland. Let him look for an apartment around ajah and yaba
ReplyDeleteI think it is better to move with your husband to Lagos. He should be able to get an apartment within a month for that amount.
ReplyDeleteLet your husband go alone for now. You can go and stay with your parents. Staying with his parents is not advisable.
ReplyDeletePoster you can't get a room and parlour at that amount except self-contained and the location you can get such is AJah...Accommodation is on a high side now.
ReplyDeleteWhich part of Ajah?
DeleteLots of people live way after Ajah in Sangotedo, Lakowe egg. and work on in VI which is after Lekki where he be working. With the new bridge at Ajah, the traffic has improved. Poster, please move with your hubby. Lots of families make less than 70k and are surviving in Lagos. How much do drivers make? How many kids do they have? Some still train kids in Uni with less and still live in Lagos.
DeleteJust give him six months to fix himself , because moving for the first time to Lagos is stressful. He will have to put up with someone and for a guy, it will be easier than with you n your baby. then you can join him in Lagos when he has settled. But while you are with your in-laws, don't just sit in the house, look for a trade to learn, keep yourself busy so that you don't be in their nose.
ReplyDeleteYou can get cheap apartment at Ajah .I would have advised you come down with your man. Give him little time to settle, at least some months to settle first , I know it's easier said than done but its for the interest of your family.
ReplyDeleteLagos is stressful and with the salary above you have bills to pay. Starting with agency and agreement and more.
So ma'am give him time to settle pls.
Same BVs advising her to stay with his family are the same ones who bash other posters when they have issues regarding staying in a family house!
ReplyDeleteWorld people!!!
Dear poster,you see what Sylvia said up there:Do It!!! I mean she said it all,especially the skill acquisition.
I pray for wisdom for you and hubby.
Don't mind those ones
DeleteStay with my parents while I make better plan for us...that's how my father married a second wife and abandoned us till today.
ReplyDeleteHnmmm
DeletePoster comman read
DeletePoster did u hear that?
DeleteLagos babes are not smiling o, they will rush your husband, especially if he's cute.
Come with him, you'll get a house for that amount, at Abijo side or Sangotedo.
You can easily get a teaching job around there or Ajah and your baby will attend d sch.
Case closed!
Exactly the picture I’m trying to paint for poster!
DeleteMadam please stay with his parents first na, at least 6months.you can't get 1bedroom flat for 250k in lekki ,& you can't get a cheap daycare. Let him go first, get the job, get a house & make proper arrangements before you join him.. .. Except you want to suffer your 1year old baby. It's not like you already have an apartment there. Think of how you all will enter a hotel, pay for food, you will do this for some weeks & then rush into a wahala apartment cos of pressure, even the money to pay hotel bill is not available. Allow him go first & stand well there before you go.
ReplyDeleteI know a young family with a baby few months old who gained visa to relocate abroad, only that the visa doesn't guarantee an immediate job, the husband had to go first, spent about 5 months before wife & baby joined him, wife stayed with her parents for that period,They are doing great now in the abroad land.
If you don't want to stay with his parents then find an excuse & plan with your own parents & go stay with them.
You have said it all @Love
DeletePoster pls give him some months to settle down before you join him. All of you packing yourselves at once to Lagos with that type of salary would be too stressful.
Well said.
DeleteThe wife stayed with HER parents but you are advising her to stay with HIS parents? Poster, don't stay with his parents no matter how nice they have been to you. With time, someone will start to notice what time you woke up (doesn't matter if the baby kept you awake all night), what a poor cook you are (just because you didn't put enough salt like they are used to) etc. If you can stay in Kaduna for a month while hubby househunts or go to your parents, fine but I will advise you move with him.
Deletego with your husband o, there are lot of opportunities in lekki, they might not pay well but you can easily get something you'd be managing. all the best
ReplyDelete#My 2 cents
ReplyDeleteI live and work in Lagos & i can tell you it's a crazy, volatile yet dynamic city. The standard of living here cannot be compared to Kaduna. EVERYTHING IS EXPENSIVE IN LAGOS: foodstuffs, house rent, transportation, basic amenities like electricity & water, etc. Notwithstanding, it isn't impossible to raise a family on a 100k salary. I would advise thus:
Rather than rush down to Lagos with hubby, let him come alone, settle down, rent an apartment and then you can travel down. Please do consider your present condition as i doubt you'd be able to secure a job in Lagos whilst still pregnant (I stand to be corrected). Lagos employers are NOT that considerate.
Chill a little with your inlaws (if they are accommodating) and keep praying for hubby.
In-laws can be wahala but if you can endure and wait for your husband then its even better considering his finance at the moment.But be ready to lick ass from his parents,its unavoidable.
ReplyDeletePlease go with your husband. There are places you can get affordable mini flat that isn't too far from lekki, it may not be easy for him at first due to Lagos stress but you guys will cope.
ReplyDeleteHe said you should stay with your in-laws for 6 months, before you know it, it's a year and so on. Not cool for a new couple.
I believe you're not asked to leave your current apartment asap, then you can stay back while he goes to Lagos to get an apartment, you can join him afterwards. He can pay an agent to help with looking for the apartment in order to speed up the search process.
Let ur hubby check for a room or room and parlour self contained in Ajah area so that you and baby can join him. You too start making plans of things you can find in Kaduna that you can sell in Lagos once you study your environment small. Make arrangement with or people for a business purpose before coming to Lagos .
ReplyDeleteWhere is the BV that advertise apartments especially in Thomas Estate
Hello Madam, I'll suggest you look for a place to stay aside of staying with his parents or your parent. Let him go and survey Lagos, plan for your glorious coming while you use the opportunity to acquire skills.
ReplyDeleteLagos no be beans. Staying with his parents is not wise. Staying with your parent is not also wise because they'll see your husband has incapable... Look for a small accomodation to manage, learn skill, monetize your skill and talent... then move to Lagos for profit.
If you go to Lagos with your hubby now and your kid, to be sincere, you'll all suffer. 100K can't sustain the 3 of you in Lekki. Transportation alone will wipe off your savings. Pray, Think, before you make any move.
God bless you,You spoke my mind,if she opts to stay with his parents it might be the beginning of the end of her marriage,if she insists on moving down to Lagos with her husband,Lagos stress coupled with the fact that her husband is the sole provider would most likely tear them apart,So poster go on family planning,Acquire a skill that can fetch you money(sewing and the likes) also dust up your cv,build up your generic skills with these you can get a job and contribute your quota to house keeping,Lagos is filled with opportunities.
DeleteWhatever you decide please don't stay with your in laws.its either you follow him or stay in your parent's house till he is settled
ReplyDeleteDo you intend using an agent to get a house in Lagos before both of you relocate?. Have you considered the cost of an alternative accommodation like hotel before you get a house in Lagos. If not, where will you people stay before you get a house. Do you intend travelling with your household items from Kaduna to Lagos which I think will not be advisable because of the price of transporting them from Kd to Lagos. Is the cost of getting the basic household equipments like foam, stove, pot etc included in the N250,000.00 or you have an extra savings for them. Has your rent in Kaduna expired. What happens if you stay there alone with your baby for at least a month or two while he relocates and get things fixed in terms of accommodation instead of going to stay with his parents. Does it mean you cannot feed yourself and your baby while staying alone in Kd. Your husband can protect your interest. The parents might be told you have some school runs to cover up for your staying alone in Kd.
ReplyDeletePlease allow him to travel alone first. Get used to the environment to avoid getting accommodation in the wrong place due to rush. While he is there alone. Put too much pressure on him to get an accommodation fast. You can send advert here for BVs in Lagos to help you people get a house in a secured place your money can afford. Please don't be in a hurry. Allow him go first. Pray and hand over everything to God
I suggest you go with he wants. Lagos isn't KD life here is tougher. You both will be new and if you both don't have good cash to get a place the stress of getting an accommodation may put a lot of stress on your marriage. Let him come alone you can visit till he's stable.
ReplyDeletePoster, whatever you do, please stay away from his parents house, the wahala that will come out eventually will blow your mind. I would rather you stay back in Kaduna if your rent there is still running to allow him settle down in Lagos or better still, you go and stay with your own parents.Give him few months to settle down and move with your child. 100k is small, but people have been surviving with less and they haven't died.And who says you can't get a better paying job sef?
ReplyDeleteGo with your husband and get a place in aja
ReplyDeleteStay with your own parents .or a friend that likes you. This is why you shouldn't thriw away your friends after marriage. Is there one that you can manage a place with or even try your contacts in lagos to see who will help or post here and ask directly if anyone knows of a boy's quartee or similar accommodation for cheap in lekki or close by
ReplyDeleteThere are cheep accommodations in ajah , n day care centers are cheap around there , and it’s easy for him to get to work with just one bus , that’s if he doesn’t have a car .
ReplyDeleteThe house that you are living in kaduna, has the rent expired? if No then stay back in Kaduna instead of you and your baby going to stay with your in-laws because "see finish" might start somewhere and you staying in Kaduna alone will make your relocation to Lagos faster than when you are in abuja, I don't know Lagos very well, look for houses that aren't too far but cheap ,so that your husband won't spend too much money. a house of 250k is too much for a family man with a child that earns 100k, yes that is a 2 and half month salary , because of feeding, transport,medicals, baby food, fueling generator etc, if it is possible look for 2 rooms and rent somewhere close to lekki even obalende,around that area that Ebola hospital side , sorry I don't know the name of the place , I have friends there whenever I come to Lagos and a friend pays two rooms for 120k for a year and she has her own kitchen and shares toilet with a tenant, just try and manage like that till things get better
ReplyDeleteChai Lagos is overpopulated already na. Make una pity us oo. Chai
ReplyDeleteSelfish lot, na your type go burn bridge after crossing to avoid others from getting to the other side like you did.
DeleteI wish I could shout! Pls go with him! I earn close to 50k and I survive... Be ready to struggle with him, don't leave him now o
ReplyDeletePoster, what ever you do, don't stay with your in-laws as it only breeds see-finish syndrome. Also, yours is a young marriage and distance will only cause issues. I have witnessed this first hand .
ReplyDelete250k will get you a studio apartment in Ajah or Lekki sef if you know your way around.
For those saying Lagos is expensive, what do you say about Abuja. My friend stays in Lekki, her rent for a 2bedroom is still cheap compared to what obtains here in Wuse2, not to mention Maitama or Asokoro.
My dear nor compare o. Abuja food cheaper, transportation cheaper, standard of living better, most importantly n generally it aint a "crazy" world out there interms of daily struggles.
DeleteMadam please please and please go with your husband. The stress no go be here o but e go pay off after some time.
ReplyDeleteIt's not just about the see finish syndrome from ya in-laws or pata-less Lagos girls.
I beg you please filter out some of the advise you're getting here. when shit hits the fan and another chronicle come
your family will be fine, madam
please go with your husband.
Please go with ur hubby,no matter how small he earns ,with ur hustle u can assist him no matter how small it is don't leave ur hubby side hustle with him don't go and stay with his parents,there are cheap accommodation at ajah,go with him to Lagos.
ReplyDeleteMy dear you have a newborn, that alone is a lot to handle.... you will now add in-law, no matter how angelic and saint-like they are it is not advisable......the beauty of Lagos is that you can “MANAGE” with whatever you have..... your marriage is still very young for any form of separation...... only death or if he is going to fight war should separate you.
ReplyDeleteGive your hubby 2-3 months to save some money for an accommodation (unless he has saved some), he can get a self-contain apartment for 250k+agency/legal and overheads of extra 50k no matter how low budgeted, transportation costs,wtc . You'll be the person to support him with new skills you have to acquire or new business you have to consider learning the ropes. I know of a family with 120k per month staying in AJAH and trust me, they plan their lives, but it's really super tough with them. Your hubby has to consider applying for new jobs maybe in Banking or start developing new skills (IT, Professional exams, Forex trading, etc.) to earn him a better paying job. He may even join the Ibeju-Lekki land selling community (a lot of people also survive on the commissions). Lagos will offer you more information and you will grow economically faster, depending on your circle and exposure. You can even be going to Lagos Island markets to buy female accessories andbclothes to be selling to your Kaduna folks. You should not follow him immediately, not on that budget...you can stay with your parents, his parents (depending on their kind of people and economic situation). Don't just jump on the next bus to Lagos, trust me, you'll be stranded and nobody cares about the next person in this city.
ReplyDeleteGO AND MANAGE AT YOUR PARENT'S PLACE FOR NOW OR FOLLOW HIM, DON'T STAY WITH HS PARENTS .I REPEAT DO NOT STAY WITH HIS PARENTS OR ANY OF HIS RELATIVES,BIKO!!!
ReplyDeleteYou better follow your husband and both of you will start life all over, you start staying with your in-laws now your husband may change and decides to leave you there with his parent then you start sending chronicles of bad in-laws. Do not go over to his parents, start life on Lagos with your husband.
ReplyDeletePLS GO WITH YOUR HUBBY, LAGOS IS NOT A PLACE YOU CAN JUST LET YOUR HUBBY STAY ALONE, THEY ARE BABES WHO WILL GO AFTER HIM, EVEN IF HE DOESN'T AV MONEY. MY ADVICE, GO WITH HIM.
ReplyDeleteWhen everybody was saying she should follow her hubby, it's good. But let's answer these questions. Is it a hubby who has not known where to lay his own head in Lagos that will go with his wife and baby? If he even manages to scot with a colleague in the office, will he go with his wife? If that is possible, where will they keep the baby or you think a colleague who is not yet married will allow his friend to park in with his wife and baby? Please let's be sincere here. If they truly love each other, they will understand better. Poster, my own advice for you is to keep praying for your husband while you find a better place like your parents place to stay temporarily till everything gets better. Your parents, no matter how, cannot be looking at you suffering, sure. In-law house can only be alternative if only your parents are not around or far away. Thank you.
ReplyDelete