The Journey Of A Baby Mama Series -2

People misunderstand me each time I talk about my past; they think I am living in self pity and still broken,but no way. I tell my story when I can to encourage people, to let them know that what doesn’t kill you keeps you strong. 

And I don’t refer to my child as a mistake; I only regret the channel that’s all. 

They also think I want to get back with her father but none of that is true. All the feelings I had for him are all dead. People stylishly ask me “why don’t you marry her father now,” Or “what if he wants to marry you now nko?” I feel they ask to know if I still want him back. 

My response has always been “NO”, because I didn’t know what I was getting into when I was with him. I have moved on and there is no going back. I just love that I am a mother; the only thing I hate is the word “BABY MAMA”, it’s too condescending and makes me have this insignificant type of feeling.



Before I forge ahead with my story, I would like to address some misconceptions surrounding “Baby Mamas” or single moms as the case may be or as you want to tag them. Yes some ladies get pregnant to trap a man to marry them, well this action always backfires and in the end the lady suffers with her child because that commitment she craved for won’t be present in the marriage, with the man feeling trapped. 

In as much as this is happening, that does not mean that every lady with child outside wedlock wants to trap the man or get him to be her money making machine. I am working and my daughter’s father gives me upkeep of 20k per month (for her alone o) pays her school fees and sometimes pays my rent when he feels like, and I am very much ok with that because my concern is my child.


Some assume that a single mother’s dream will end, but that is up to the woman actually, as for me, now more than ever I am determined to live a life that doesn't include any deferred dreams. I want a good life for my child; I work my ass off just for us to survive, in fact I do not have any social life, my friends call me “workaholic”, I do not want her to face the same circumstances that led me to make the mistake I made, I used to depend on her father for everything before, but what if something happens to him tomorrow? 

This and coupled with the daily insults I got from him propelled me into action to become hardworking.

They assume that any child raised by a single mom doesn’t turn out well because there was no father figure in the home. I can’t help but laugh, I am not bragging ooo my child is 8 now but behaves like an old woman because she is well mannered and behaved. Men especially, assume that a baby mama is a loose woman, and then they try to take advantage of that by trying to get her to bed because as always she would be horny and in need of sex. They say we are bitter women who seem to have something personal against all men; we are desperate for men and daddy figures for our children, among others!

 They refer to us as “TOKUNBO” as in leftovers, chai such a derogatory way of referring to someone. Well most single moms can be everything I mentioned but definitely not all, and I won’t judge them for being like that either.


So back to my story, after delivery, I had a lot of mixed up feelings, from joy to sadness to worry and relief. I was happy because of my pretty princess, I didn’t believe she was all mine, I could stay hours doing nothing but watch her sleep. Then the next minute I would be sad because I knew I really didn’t make my family proud especially when I hear of my cousins getting married, it always got to me. I worried about how to take care of her, as a matter of fact, I was still in school. i wondered how I would cope with her and lectures. Thankfully my sister stayed back to help (she was done with uni, no job she became my nanny, God bless her abundantly for me), all I did was to extract breast milk and I would go for lectures, I did exclusive for 6 months my boobs suffered.

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The deep cut I had healed through the hot water therapy, though you will notice that there was a cut there and also a little scar is still visible but I was advised to stitch it up when I am having another baby. It was during the healing process that thoughts of suicide even dared to cross my mind. When I think about the pains I was going through from the cut and how my body changed I would cry my eyes out and long for my old self. But I felt relieved that I wasn’t preggy anymore, no more unusual stares from people and having to answer some questions, I was just glad that I was done with that phase.



But then life really kicked me real good in the ass, Is it the days I had to drink only tea to enable me breast feed, or when there was no money to buy diapers I had to use baby clothes to hold her bum bum. In fact I don’t want to go there because I am already emotional. I would cry out to God then to forgive and help me because of this angel that I forced to come to this world, I begged God not to let her suffer for my mistake. 

There was no other source of income because my family wasn’t doing well except the 5k I got from him, (her father) after insulting me and reminding me that after all he gave me money to abort her. My father was critically ill then, and he eventually died that same year, it was real hell, but God saw me through, my baby stayed with me for like 8 months then I had to keep her with my mother to face my studies squarely. I cannot begin to tell you guys my everyday hurdle while nursing my baby because of space….somebody don dey already call me Mrs. Abati sef in the comment section of the first series lol!


It was now time for me to adjust again into the society; I will tell you guys how I grew up by force due to the challenges I faced and how I was stigmatized in the next series. To any girl/woman who is about to be tagged, please stay strong! If I could do it so can you. Have a pleasant week everyone.

Thanks guys for the comments from the first episode of this series, the comments really boosted my spirit, and also thanks to you Mama Stellzzz for posting. By the way this is not Stella’s Story; I will reveal my name soon.

*Shuo,how can this be my story?I am not and was never a baby mama,i got lucky...LMAO

if you are a baby mama and wanna share your story,please send it in....