Oh WOW;this is crazy!!!
To her friends and family, Arlène Agneroh has it all. Well, nearly.
She is successful, educated and attractive. They call her a leader - she coaches entrepreneurs and offers personal development training for a living. The only thing she's missing, they say, is a husband.
Recently, something happened to remind her of just how much social pressure there is for young people in the Democratic Republic of Congo to get married.
On a late summer afternoon, the 33-year-old was invited to yet another friend's wedding in the capital, Kinshasa - one of 30 invitations she had received in that year alone.
As is common in Congolese weddings, guests invited by the bride wore clothes with matching patterns, while the groom's party wore a different style.
During the ceremony, Ms Agneroh sat next to her good friend, Jean-Félix Mwema Ngandu.
Innocently, a mutual friend took a picture of them sitting side by side at the wedding. He then posted the picture on Facebook.
Five minutes later, his phone was buzzing. He started laughing.
"What's happening?" Ms Agneroh remembers asking.
Everyone thinks you two got married!" came the reply.
"It was completely crazy. In a matter of minutes, dozens of people had commented on the picture and sent me messages of congratulations," Ms Agneroh later told the BBC.
At the time, the two friends found it amusing - so to keep the story going, they decided to pose for a second picture, this time sitting in the "thrones" reserved for the married couple.
This time, they waited a few hours after sharing the photo on another friend's Facebook page before checking the reaction.
"When I woke up the next morning, I had, without exaggerating, several hundred missed calls, WhatsApp and Facebook messages," Ms Agneroh said.
"Some were from people I haven't spoken to in 10, even 15 years. I don't know how these people even got my number."
'People believe anything online'
"Seriously, when I talk about my work projects, I never get this kind of reaction," Ms Agneroh said.
"This is the reality we live in and I saw it clearly on that day.
"It made me a bit sad because you reach a certain level where you are happy, but society pushes you to think you are incomplete."
Mr Mwema Ngandu, 32, acknowledges they knew they would "create a buzz", telling the BBC that "when we took the second picture, it was carefully planned".
"In these times of fake news, people believe everything they see online," he said, adding that he wanted to make people think more carefully about what they see and read on social media.
"It's a cultural thing too. Here [in Kinshasa] everyone knows about your personal life and it's got worse with social media," he said.
"Sometimes it's entertaining but it can also be harmful."
Once the pair started getting messages from friends abroad saying they were planning to fly back to Kinshasa for the "wedding", Ms Agneroh decided enough was enough and revealed the truth on her Facebook page.
In a lengthy post she told friends and acquaintances: "These picture show two young people photographed by their friends, with no comment or allusion to marriage but that's what you all chose to interpret.
"Without even asking any questions, you've shared the picture, creating your own little story. Thanks to you, I've started compiling a list of guests for my wedding!
"But for now, those who've wanted to seduce me and but were always afraid, here's my message: I'm still on the market but not focused on finding a husband.
"So be patient… The lesson to learn is think before you act and look for context. A picture itself is never the full story."
In a predominantly Catholic country where many women are still confined to the household, marriage is widely seen as a necessary rite of passage.
Around 40% of girls in the country marry before the age of 18, according to Unicef's latest figures. The government outlawed child marriage in 2017 but that is not enough to end the practice.
"Here, people think marriage is a blessing," said Ms Agneroh.
"You can be dating someone for only two months and already he'll be talking about marriage. And it works with a lot of girls.
"Some people get married simply to get work, because it opens doors."
from bbc
Hmmmmm...misconception
ReplyDeletePainful reality
ReplyDeleteI don't know what is it with all these pressure on women to get married. And they are mocked again when they are desperate enough to finance their own wedding because the guy is jobless. Will the women marry themselves? So what if no man propose to her yet? She should now go and kill herself? Nawa o
ReplyDeleteYou will understand when you get there. Shiloh is knocking
DeleteAwwww.society and pressure on the ladies to get married,enough of it
ReplyDelete40% under 18?! Father I bless you for sending me to Nigeria
ReplyDeleteEheya they actually look good together...Love will find them. Soonest...
ReplyDeleteLife is full of pressure, pressure to enter secondary school,thats why some parent pussh their kids at 8 or 9yrs ro JSS1, pressure to pass waec, enter univerauty, pressure to get a job, pressure to get married, pressure to bear kids, pressure to buy cars and hoyses, go for trioa abroad so u can post for friends to see, preasure evrywherw
ReplyDeleteVery correct you couldn't have said it better
DeleteWaooooo but she isn't old
ReplyDeleteWow. Social pressure; very powerful. If you're not careful,you'll be lured to lead a fake life.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a beautiful thing but people should stop making those who aren't married yet look like they're incomplete
She posted her projects, few replies. She posted "marriage" pictures, thousands of goodwill messages to the point that those abroad are willing to spend thousands of dollars to attend. Feminists and single ladies: keep deceiving yourselves. Reality is real.
ReplyDeleteHey dumbo! Being a feminist doesn’t mean you hate men or are against marriage. By now, you should have picked that fact up but no, you’ve still decided to ignorantly keep your head buried in the sand
DeleteWho will advise these ladies? Chimammanda talk finish, enter her husband house dey chill. Linda don talk talk, born pikin for house. But the young ones are seriously becoming gwegz by listening to the advice of these hypocrites. Time will tell.
ReplyDeleteI don't care how smart you are. Female, 30+ and single. Sorry. I can't do business with you. It is a sign of irresponsibility. Otherwise how could no one find you appealing? Something must be wrong. I will not gamble with my business.
ReplyDeleteWow! How can anyone be this stupid! Lmao
DeleteWhen topics like this comes up is when I realise that many are not just ignorant but also dumb and will forever stay unintelligent. My aunt purposely stay unmarried till 38 for reasons best understood my her close family including her parents but an idiot like u would see her and speak what is expected of a dummy. People have diff reasons n sometimes it's a choice n not the better of being undesirable. My sister's ex-fiance is now on the run after beating his wife to coma. People like u told my mom to force my sister to marry the bastard back then because according to your type, she will be undesirable if she clocks 30. I pity low mentality people like u..infact u took it to the next level saying u won't do business with a single lady..thats why u will never grow In life
DeleteJust saying, every female that you know that is above 35 and single, look closer and you will see that something is definitely wrong with her. It is bad luck; It is bad vibes.
ReplyDeleteWe are all flawed. It’s not by age.
DeleteSame thing happens in Nigeria. Post a picture of say your convocation after a masters degree or PhD and post a picture of even engagement maybe a staged engagement as a lady then compare the amounts of likes and comments.
ReplyDelete