STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SERIAL FRIEND.....
Dear Stella,
I have an issue that is bothering me that I need advice; My husband has lots of female chat friends on face book messanger that are based mostly in East Africa. I was so mad at first because I thought he was cheating on me. I discovered he had up to hundred female chat friends. I discovered it last two years as their company contract finished which, made him to have so much time at his hand.
Dear Stella,
I have an issue that is bothering me that I need advice; My husband has lots of female chat friends on face book messanger that are based mostly in East Africa. I was so mad at first because I thought he was cheating on me. I discovered he had up to hundred female chat friends. I discovered it last two years as their company contract finished which, made him to have so much time at his hand.
I was so angry with him as he’s all nice and all that sharing problems but never crosses boundary by asking them out. We share problems but he always feels I dwell too much on issues and act all manly. Then, ends up chatting it with those girls. He shares his pains like when he lost his mother and when I had miscarriage(he just talks about it but doesn’t talk about it with me)
I snooped, and confronted him and he told me he was bored and decided to make distant female friends that he will never cheat on me. Recently, He’s a Project Manager busy when they have contracts and less buys other times. He used one of my phones when he’s phone screen shattered; and I now get his private chats with this East African girls maybe he synchronized the phone don’t know how it happened. I have checked all the chats no sign of cheating but just friends. But, he uses word like baby sparingly.
Now here is my worries, he constantly chatting with these girls wouldn’t he start considering cheating? How do I make him to see reasons to stop all this chats
Note: He doesn’t chat with them when am around probably, in my absence or at work; And some of this girls are married. Exchanging conversation that’s harmless like school, politics, economy, likes and nothing more.
I also make conversation with him a lot at times we talk till mid night. I don’t know if he’s bored. Am working too and recently lost my boy at six weeks. I can also ask him anything as we are friends. I await respond. Please hide my email address
Best Regards
I snooped, and confronted him and he told me he was bored and decided to make distant female friends that he will never cheat on me. Recently, He’s a Project Manager busy when they have contracts and less buys other times. He used one of my phones when he’s phone screen shattered; and I now get his private chats with this East African girls maybe he synchronized the phone don’t know how it happened. I have checked all the chats no sign of cheating but just friends. But, he uses word like baby sparingly.
Now here is my worries, he constantly chatting with these girls wouldn’t he start considering cheating? How do I make him to see reasons to stop all this chats
Note: He doesn’t chat with them when am around probably, in my absence or at work; And some of this girls are married. Exchanging conversation that’s harmless like school, politics, economy, likes and nothing more.
I also make conversation with him a lot at times we talk till mid night. I don’t know if he’s bored. Am working too and recently lost my boy at six weeks. I can also ask him anything as we are friends. I await respond. Please hide my email address
Best Regards
*So your husband has no right to have female friends?i dot get it mydear,you are makinga mountain out of a mole ihill
You too find men on social media and chat na
ReplyDeleteI disagree with u Stella. Too much of everytn is mad. How will u feel if it hubby calls female friends baby? That she be deserved for his wife ONLY. Plus this too much friend na so the cheating day take start without the man intending it sef. Or what if he mistakenly falls inlove with one? Abeg goat and yam shd neva be placed togeda
DeleteStella how many men would be ok with their wife having plenty male chat buddies?
DeleteI had same issue with my husband when we first got married. He had lots of female chat buddies and I was uncomfortable with it. I wasn't uncomfortable with them being females but the frequency of their chats was what got me worried. Open and frequent communication brings about emotions. Most times, constant communication breaks boundaries. When people open up their minds and souls to each other, bonds are formed in the process. I explained my worries to him and he saw reasons with me and reduced it.
DeleteMadam poster, talk to him about ur fears and worries after praying of course.
I agree with you, when you start opening up the next thing is feels and emotions set in. I had chat buddies back then when I was single because I wanted a Lil distraction from my boyfriend then. I later found myself falling in love. I had to borrow sense and ended the whole drama. I wasn't ready to start a relationship from afar.
DeleteStella abeg that's how emotional cheating dey start joor. Why call them baby?
ReplyDeleteNext, im go call them "honey, sweetie, pretty . . ." that time you know say, he don enter hole come kpafuke ooo!
DeleteYou are free to have male friends too, balance the equation.
ReplyDeleteA woman finds it more difficult to quit an emotional affair than a man, their hearts are like glue, where the mans heart is watery gum.. if she starts they become flatmates & things will go down hill from there really fast
DeleteNa from clap them de enter dance, it wouldnt have been a problem if they were just a hand full...
ReplyDeleteIf not cautioned to cut them down, he'd soon be emotionally involved with one till it'd turn physical
Are you worried that he has too many female friends or that he spends too much time chatting with them? Since he's not cheating and he has told you he won't, stop giving yourself headache. Some people prefer having friends more from the opposite gender. If you really don't feel comfortable with the situation, you can talk to him to cut it down and spend more of those extra time with you instead. Abi?
ReplyDeletewhich man will say he will cheat!
DeleteLet me read others opinion
ReplyDeleteSdk, but is it right as a married woman to have male friends that are not known to the husband.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I don't think its wrong. But what I think is having boundaries and knowing each others friends to avoid stories that touch.
But having a hundred female friends? Hhhmmm
Won't he get use to it and go over?
Hmmmm. It is like an accident waiting to happen...
DeleteShow your husband this scripture:
ReplyDeleteProverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Story for the gods
Delete@Anonymous 15:32
DeletePlease what do you mean by what you wrote there?
What do you mean by "story for the gods?"
DeleteCan't someone model his life according to God's word?
The fact that you don't does not mean others don't.
15:52, u dey mind am? Some ppl apparently prefer to have experience teach them.
DeleteLol. Madam you don’t have a problem. He probably is one of those guys that grew up with a lot of females around him. Always the comforter, extra nice to women and also wants to be petted by them. They can be chronic gossips too.
ReplyDeleteHe may feel like you’re not letting him be the man in your home. Study the chat with those ladies and understand his need to communicate with them.
Sometimes even when I’m fine I like to exaggerate my period cramps with my husband. I make him feel like without him during that period I’m a helpless person because I’ve noticed he thoroughly enjoys being useful. Sometimes when he is upset with people over petty things I exaggerate my irritation towards his “antagonists” while he is giving his “tales of woes” so he feels more comfortable telling me stuff. That way he believes I’ll always have his back and he can share anything with me.
The fact that he may not have had a job may have also created that need to be useful to women or pour out his heart to them. Just understand his need and find a way to make it work in your favour.
@Ivannah, i rili support u,poster, i do understand ur worry bt still try out Ivannah suggestion n c ow tinz goes.
Delete@Ivannah, i rili support u,poster, i do understand ur worry bt still try out Ivannah suggestion n c ow tinz goes.
DeleteSense will not kee you there
DeleteHe has right but 100 female friends? Haba that's on the high side and makes him irresponsible.. I pray my hubby doesn't get to this point.. Really I wouldn't know how to handle it
ReplyDeleteThere is no such thing as just friends. Women are needy and clingy folks, very soon they will either push account details to him or ask him to service their engine, if he can't do neither satisfactorily, he's useless to them.
ReplyDeleteMy verdict - that your husband is a questionably crooked character; he needs to be checkmated on time before he blow!
Poster, is not as if is wrong for your husband to have female friends but the fear is, is not all female friends are friend in deed. Some of them can openly ask your husband out knowing fully well he is married.
ReplyDeleteHaving female chatting friends can lead to something nasty. Even me I have (married) male friends that I chat with both on IG and facebook and I know myself that I can't cross my boundary.
Tell your husband to limit the way he chat with them to avoid temptation.
I have issues o; why females only and why "up to a hundred?" Why doesn't he tell you some things but them?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you should not forcefully press him on it but TACTFULLY. Let him know that most women in your shoes will feel insecure and he should confirm this from his mom/auntie or any older female.
If you are not a Christian yet, make Jesus your Lord and learn from him. Scriptures like Ephesians 5 will help you, also Proverbs 18:24.
Pray that he comes out of boredom.
How does he remember "up to 100 women?"
ReplyDeleteMmmmhhhh, e bi like say Devil dey still loose nuts, im never commot the engine.
Abeg wey my FAN?
Fan, Fan, Fan! . . . Where you dey? E bi like say side chicks dey do party.
Really what happened to Fan Emmanuel?
DeleteWhat i don't understand is having over 100 female friends worldwide abeg na life coach?
ReplyDeleteWell since you said its just platonic lets believe so too BUT for you to share your concerns here you've started seeing things that are making you panic.
You know what they say about "idle mind". East Africa is not far oooo how much is flight ticket ni?
Aunty biko he should look for another job or business while waiting for another contract.Na from clap e dey enter dance.
A person that wants to cheat will cheat nevertheless engaging his mind is to make him more responsible.You can encourage him to learn something new or volunteer at some organisation. My aunts hubby works offshore(2 weeks in,2 weeks out).Before now he sleeps and watches movies all two weeks that he is off but after a while he decided to build his passion of furniture making so he uses his two weeks off now to learn.
You said you talk till midnight but are you sure you say the things he is interested in? I feel he's lonely to keep over 100 female friends.
I cover your man and home with the blood of Jesus Amen.All the best
My dear, start chatting with guys in West Africa. Discuss politics and marriage and the weather with them. And let him know. You will see his reaction. Then when he tells you to stop.....tell him to stop him too. What is good for the goose is good for the gander
ReplyDeleteHahahahahaha. Why not North Africa
DeleteHmmm. Having female friends is not the problem but what is being discussed is the problem. discussing private and family issues with them that is supposed to be between you and your better half is a no no. Na emotional cheating be dat. Cheating is not only when you are caught in a compromising and heart-shattering situation.
ReplyDeleteYou just described my husband.
ReplyDeleteHe has so many facebook female friends
He calls them cute and sexy. I have snooped and I just see normal chat with them. He'll even ask for their phone numbers
We have quarreled but he keep saying that he has nothing to do with them and he has not put his dick in another woman's ponyor.
I had to open a new facebook account to chat him up. A very sexy lady is on my dp. But he has not said anything bad. I even suggested we see but he didn't respond.
I just decided to rest but I still snoop.
Lol. Madam ur hubby is guy man. I'm sure he suspects it's u monitoring him...
Deleteif he suspects he'd be talking plenty love about his wife and how he enjoys his marriage.... he doesnt suspect anything, his hands are full for now, he must agree.
DeleteStory you are making excuses for your husband. Yet you snoop. What kind of marriage is this one...many singles should thank God
DeleteChatting with over 10 females? That's wrong ma. Maybe he has a fetish for East African girls. Like joke like joke one of them go fly reach Naija to meet him. You know what that means. You need to make a big deal out of it please. If he has so much time to chat on SM with so many women then when does he have time to be productive? Imagine going to seek women out, send friend request and start chatting. Does he not have male friends? Which politics are the gusting? Buhari abi Trump? Madam curb it please. You lost a baby recently so you need all the emotional support you can get. Having a few female friends is not bad but when you actively go seeking to befriend people of the opposite seas a married person, that's down right disrespectful. You can start by politely asking him to unfriend or unfollow them.If he refuses then take it up with him. Don't keep silent about it please. If not, you will not be able to Contain the outcome.
ReplyDeleteDear poster tell your husband you are not comfortable with his female friends, he is a married man for crying out loud, he should discuss those things with you
ReplyDeleteDear poster shine your eyes. My husband chat with so many ladies on WhatsApp and Facebook. he deletes the messages he may not want you to see and intentionally leave those ones you won't be worried reading them, that's method of serial cheats.
ReplyDeletesome will think they are smart, just tell him your fears, some babes are crazy don't gibe a damn whether a man is married or not. I pity the idiot on my case she will sure be consumed before the end of this month unless she stop sending rubbish to us.
I am equally considering knacking pigeon on hubby's coconut head
Madam, is your husband a life coach, motivational teacher? If not, let him cut it down please. Before you know it there would be emotional attachment to one of them.
ReplyDeleteReport his Facebook account for scam so it can be closed and you will be a happy wife. Keep telling him you aren't comfortable with the chats and the babes, but don't nag him. What do men really want?
ReplyDeleteSocialmediaawardsng
To vote @stelladimokokorkus as BLOGGER OF THE YEAR
Text sma18 stella to 33352
Madam you don’t have a problem here, since you did not see cheating why the complain, stylishly ask him how he will feel if you have distant male friends and hear what he will say. If you can cover up that space where he will need to talk to his female friends just do it, I have plenty male friends than female friends cos if understanding and maturity, is not a bad thing for your husband to keep distant female friends .
ReplyDeleteN.a. from clap them dey enter dance.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is not allowed to have female friends, for what? Abeg I dey vex, how can somebody's husband have 100 female friends,is it normal? What is he? Minister for Women Affairs?msheew
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm I don't know what to say
ReplyDeleteIt's called emotionally cheating. He is not physically cheating on you, but he is doing so emotionally. The things he should be sharing with you and seeking you out for his comfort he is doing with others.
ReplyDeleteYou need to figure out where things went wrong and work to reconnect with your spouse on the emotional and spiritual level. Start dating again, make time just to spend together alone. Find fun things you can partake in and rebuild your connection by starting to share. Not every day church and home sometimes dinner and dancing, weekend getaway, full day of tantric sex, whatever floats your boat. Also, many women never take the time out to thank their husbands for being a good husband, provider and protector, it's very easy to take things for granted, but men want to hear you say it, they want to know you appreciate what they are doing because many times they put up with lots of shit on the job to make sure their families have everything.