Hmmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIAGE IN TROUBLE
Dear Stella,
Please i will like to remain anonymous.
I need your honest advise on the way forward. I have been married for four years now and no Kids yet.
I have always believed in no sex before marriage and with God’s help we achieved that.
My major issue is my wife doesn’t like sex and sees nothing wrong with it. In the four years we have been married I can count how many times we have had sex and most of the time I had to beg and beg. She looks for an excuse most of the time.
My wife is a very nice woman but she is very stubborn and has refused to seek for help as she feels everything is okay. We have gone to see a doctor and spoken to “experienced” people but nothing has changed.
If we want kids then we need to have sex-This sounds simple but I don’t understand how to explain this further.
Apart from having Kids, I also have sexual needs which I believed getting married will help meet but I have been disappointed.
I have always judged men who cheat on their wife and will tell my friends off if I realise they are doing so. Guess what, I am already thinking I need to get someone who will satisfy my sexual needs.
Has anyone been through what I am going through and can advise, Please I need help.
*This is one of the many problems that spring up from relationships that involved no intimacy before Marriage......I wanted to advice you to buy that doll that can pleasure someone but that might not be your kinda thing and all cheating na cheating...
I honestly dont know what advice to give!!!
wait oh...Maybe its you!!...too small or too big and dont know how to grind,oga check yourself oh....
This one is hard
ReplyDeletePlease read up on asexual people. They don't just find sex interesting . There is nothing wrong with them. Sex isn't just a thing.
DeleteOga if you dont start chopping outside your marriage will crash, cus she would starve you so mch that u will start to dislike her presense. When she sees u happy and not botheirng her again she will suspect ure cheating..... and sit up.
DeleteYou can’t even advice him to start chopping outside cus he also needs a child from his wife, how does she expect to take in, please talk to her mum about it, so she can work on it.
DeleteAre you also sure your lack of experience isn’t about a problem? Maybe you don’t know how to get her wet enough before penetration, you also need to think about pleasurising her aswell
This one strong gaan ni. Since you guys have gone to see a doctor and even talked with experiencde people, and still no solution, then 🎤I go always pray for you ..🎼
Delete#hadeyhalaba
Lol there is nothing ABSOLUTELY wrong with her. Sex isn’t interesting for everyone. You two aren’t sexually compactible. THE END! Work with what you have.oral sex and continue by yourself . E Pele
DeleteReading comments...
ReplyDeleteehya.... some people will still come and say sex is not food. but this man her is starving and......
ReplyDeleteYour wife is just like me...I'm not a big fan of sex. It's always been like that for me. My husband has to beg and beg. We have now decided to start making babies, so I will give in to it everyday because I want babies.
ReplyDeleteNa waoh! confront your wife and give her ultimatum.If she doesn't give you your right as her husband , you will have a side chick or marry a new wife.
Delete@Anonymous 15:03, you sound very selfish.
DeleteIts not a matter of being selfish, i am equally like that. I don't like sex, i stayed 7yrs without it and i didnt feel anything. Alot of people thought i was a lesbian cus i was never seen with a man. So its normal but i always try to compromise once in a while
DeleteAunty I, aunty me four ☝🏽
DeleteSex is sickening to me.
The last time I had sex was in 2013. And I'm beautiful o. I get offers daily but I've zeroed my mind against it.btw I'm not a lesbian
Deleteposter sorry ehn. Some people are like that. it's only money that gives them orgasm
ReplyDelete...such a woman should be adviced to work in the bank then, even if the money isnt hers she'd still orgasm abi
DeleteSavage....And yes, I orgasm when i think about money. When there is money and every need is met, I orgasm. If not, no orgasm. That's the truth.
DeleteThis table you are shaking eh...lol true though.
DeleteWho wants to have s8x when they have a lot on their mind.Zero worries= good mood for s8x.
How about me that my boyfriend hasn't touched me in over 7onths now because I insisted on condoms. We only started dating late last year and the few times we've had sex I had to force him to get condoms or we don't even use at all. But now I had to go out and get my own condoms
DeleteNow he's insisting I go and do full medicals plus Std test. condoms that he doesn't like condoms.
But I don't want to get pregnant and iv insisted on condoms since then he hasn't touched me. I think because he feels he's rich and much older than me I cant insist on something.
Pls am I wrong for insisted on condom, I don't just trust the withdrawal method we use is the best for me. I love sex and this guy hasn't touched me in 7onths just because of this. I am so tempted to cheat. If I ask for money he sends, he does everything for me except sex. If I initiate sex, he looks for one excuse or the other.
...just 7months ure tempted to cheat, na wa for this generation oh. And by the way, hes cheating too... una fit
DeleteAnd someone said
Delete7years up there
Funny but true.. by the time ones head is filled with lots of needs and bills to settle the last thing is sex talkless off orgasm
DeleteI don't think it's him Stella
ReplyDeleteA woman this firm and willed would speak if there's something wrong with him.
I might be wrong though.
But, I think she just doesn't like sex.
Oga poster, forward the link of this chronicle to her when the comments are full. I trust BV's.
It’s either she isn’t sexually attracted to you or she was circumcised or either of both. You need to let her know how you feel about this and explore further options. Maybe you also don’t know how to tease her before the do, you know most men assume they are great in bed but all they do is pound and pound until the whole region is aching like a truck ran through it.
ReplyDeleteIf you think cheating is going to help then you’re wrong unless of course you want to also have children by another woman not your wife. You both need to talk o because it’s not cool to continue to live that way.
My circumcised friends were the most sexually active. 😂
DeleteThabk you for this chronicle, ive been doing celibate with my 22yr old virgin girlfriend, now i must taste severally before marrying her, i cant shout and be sending chronicles up and down.
ReplyDeleteYou dont need to do that i have been celibate for 5 years and I love sex die so pls wait for her. Not all women hate sex!
Delete22yr old virgin. Let her be!!! I already feel sorry for her the day you pressure her. I wish she leaves your ass behind that very day or better still she tries it and starts cheating on you mercilessly.
DeleteProblems everywhere. I used to be an advocate of no sex b4 marriage until I got married and discovered I couldn't enjoy sex with the dude.
ReplyDeleteWell, things went south and we went our separate ways.
Was off relationships for years and when I finally accepted to date someone, I slept him and it was everything I hoped for.
We might not get married, he might not thick all boxes, but, you see this sex ? I'll keep getting it from him.
Imagine me having my first orgasm in my late twenties.
Mehn !!! I so fucked him dude started feeling used.
My point ?
Sex ain't overrated at all, it's very vital in functional relationship
lolzzz MS ur head dey dia
DeleteDear poster try to have a heart to heart talk with your wife. Please don't cheat!
ReplyDeleteSome women don't like sex and this has nothing to do with the size of a man's prick.
ReplyDeleteIf you get a side chick to satisfy your sexual need, what would happen to child bearing? Would you like the side chick to be the mother of your children?
Your wife needs help and you need to talk her into seeking help asap.
Was she raped? Perhaps she's hiding something or....maybe it's a case of not just liking sex.
Oh well!
she wasnt raped, she closed her leg till marriage
DeleteHow do you know? Maybe go with her to a psychotherapist for counseling. She may have issues she is subconsciously dealing with. At least try everything before you throw in the towel. If you start side chick ish, your home will never be the same again.
DeleteOga hows your sex game?? Also are you a responsible man at home?
ReplyDeleteI know that if you are comfortably providing for the home not a man with a dinky winky nor a 1 minute man madam will be happy to hang leg on the window for you to enter express so check yourself.
If all else fails, hit the gym, loose the flab, shave your armpits and blokos, wear clean and sexy boxers, pray and fast, dont forget to pray, stop nagging and fighting madam, God will touch her heart
Dear poster I think the problem May be from you. How?
Delete1) Your sex game May be boring,women find it difficult to tell their husbands this! So even when you have a side chic, she will just endure you because of the gains she is making from you. Solution: think of ways to up your game such that your wife becomes interested again.
2) Are you helping out at home? Financially and physically. From experience when a woman feels drained in her relationship, opening leg to you for sex is considered a huge chore. So provide for your wife and help out in everyway possible.
3) Have you done anything that will make her feel she shouldn't have a child for you? Try to remember, things you have said to her, actions you have taken and anything at all that could have been misinterpreted. I know someone who once got a vibe of "selfishness" from her husband and decided she didn't want to have a child for him. And the only way to do that was to avoid having sex with him. It was later resolved though.Solution is to talk it through and rebuild her trust in you.
I wish you all the best...
PS: Having an affair will worsen your issues, I advise you find real means to restore your marriage....
Dear poster,
ReplyDeleteSince you have said talking about it hasn't helped neither has talking to experienced people about it helped,maybe you should try counselling or talking to a sex therapist. Maybe she has issues that don't allow her enjoy intimacy properly or maybe u don't know how to grind properly. A sex therapist should be able to help you people out with problems on both sides. I think your last resort should be threatening her that you are going to find another woman to satisfy your needs outside if she doesn't change. And if all the above doesn't work and she still doesnt change, then only God can fix it
TAKE THIS ADVICE! yes, I screamed it. You need sessions with a professional to get to the root of things. I am not going to speculate as to what it could be as many here have done but whatever the case, it is not a one hour, one day talk.
DeleteA real professional sex therapist, not pastor, not ‘experienced’ married people.
Hmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteA wise Trinidad therapist said "It takes more than sex to build a great marriage, but its nearly impossible to build a great marriage without it"... he was right!
ReplyDeleteThis is like watching an accident about to happen in slow motion. Ive never been an advocat of No sex b4 marriage, its 50/50.
Seh you know you get fan sha...ori foka sibe always
DeleteSit her down and say you'll file for divorce because that's where it's going
ReplyDeleteYou said it all - She wants babies but no sex - She better grow up. Ask your wife why she married you then.
DeleteReading comments.
ReplyDeletePoster show you wife some more love, yes, she needs more love, care and attention.
ReplyDeleteTry to ask her about her experience in her past relationships. Something must have happened to her. Maybe someone molested her and because of that, she lost the orge for sexual activities and pleasure.
Try and Initiate sex after taking her out for a good treat. The way you satisfy her also matters. Make love to her, try to find her Gräfenberg (G)spot. Perform oral sex on her (she's your wife)
Don't go eating a food in a secret, when you have a sumptuous delicacy at home. Make your wife understand how important she is to you and how important sex is to you both.
You can help her overcome her fears. Also, you both should the go see a licensed counsellor and go for a sex therapy.
Don't leave her for some five minutes pleasure that will destroy your pride, stability and home.
Try and talk to her and tell her your needs. Communicate with her, she probably doesn't enjoy it, encourage her to tell you what the problem is.
ReplyDeleteThere might be something bothering her, it might be daily work/ life stress.
Alternatively, you can buy "Spanish fly", some pharmacies sell it, a few drops in her drink and she would practically beg you for sex.
Tiger nut milk also increases libido in women
Poster you can try this
DeleteAwwwwww....
ReplyDeleteShe's rigid probably from moral teachings& upbringing but one would expect her to loosen up now since she is married.
For someone women or should i speak for myself? sex starts from the mind.If i'm not in the mood,or don't talk myself into doing it, i won't and this has helped me to close my legs most of the time.
Do i enjoy it? ,very well but for anytime i have sex i feel guilty for a long time so i stay away from it 90% of the time but once i marry,i will let the inner h03 i've been supressing come out.lol
I just got out from a no sex relationship and it was easy for me to cope because of the reasons already stated above. And also there was no much physical attraction to the guy.
Most of the time his physical appearance turns me off.Zero dress sense,pays little attention to personal/physical hygiene,mouth odour was mostly kill joy for me and 90% of the time i dodged his kiss attempt.
Don't cheat on her sir..if you don't fall into the category of my narration above then help her.
First talk to her in a calm way about your sexual frustration(stubborn people don't like to be shouted on.lol.I know cos sometimes I could be stubborn).You might have to find out what gets her in a good mood,i believe she's not a stone.Most women enjoy sex in the right atmosphere.
Then the big one is aphrodisiacs,google natural aphrodisiacs(fruits and veggies) and feed her on those without her knowing your intent lol.Find out the one that gets her bubbly and stick to that for now.
If she's the religious type please show her Bible verses where God said spouses shouldn't deny each other their conjugal rights except for fasting purposes of which they must be in agreement.
I wish i can say more but its very possible to turn her around..you will have to be patient and don't stop being loving.
All the best
I just got out from a no sex relationship and it was easy for me to cope because of the reasons already stated above. And also there was no much physical attraction to the guy.
DeleteMost of the time his physical appearance turns me off. Zero dress sense,pays little attention to personal/physical hygiene,mouth odour was mostly kill joy for me and 90% of the time i dodged his kiss attempt.
Aunty, beht why were 'dating' him na?? Somebody u cant kiss??? Tufia!! Abi na to aswer 'present ' when relationship police comes??? Hian! Hope
I just got out from a no sex relationship and it was easy for me to cope because of the reasons already stated above. And also there was no much physical attraction to the guy.
DeleteMost of the time his physical appearance turns me off. Zero dress sense,pays little attention to personal/physical hygiene,mouth odour was mostly kill joy for me and 90% of the time i dodged his kiss attempt.
Aunty, beht why were 'dating' him na?? Somebody u cant kiss??? Tufia!! Abi na to aswer 'present ' when relationship police comes??? Hian! Hope
Oga, your wife's spiritual spouse is on her case. MFM to the resue.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteYou can try this poster.
DeleteKikikikiki Kikikikiki Kikikikiki
Delete😂
DeleteRidiculousness
Lmao@Poster
ReplyDeletethat serves you right.
taste before you buy, you people will say no and carry celibacy for head.
enjoy your package.
don't cheat on your wife ooo to avoid God's wrath.
happy celibacy
i dont pit such men!
DeleteNa their cross
So tasting before u buy is guarantee for a happy, lifelong marriage? Poster, u did well if u chose celibacy before marriage. This ur mata no be problem sef. Ur wife's frigidity can be worked on using Epistlegang's suggestions and prayers.
DeleteMaybe she was sexually assaulted in the past and now sees sex as a negative thing. Just try and ask her some questions regarding her past sexual experiences. She just might open up to you.
ReplyDeleteAre you the one that assaulted her sexually? If not the keep quiet. She should have let him know before the got married that she hate sex.
DeleteOP, the truth is, no more talking or begging for sex, if she can't give you a child, divorce her sorry ass. NO pikin, no sex, and u want to be a father? Taa!
all marriages have their problems and this is not the time to start thinking of cheating....first, sit her down and tell her how you feel, what the no sex is doing to you and what you are planning in your head. yes, tell her you are beginning to have thoughts of cheating. she needs to know things are getting serious and you must find a solution..she might be that way cos of issues she has refused to disclose, rape, upbringing or even spiritual..some women have spirit husbands who prevent them from having sex...am not joking cos i have seen cases and its only in the place of prayers some of these things are revealed..let her know its a serious issue and you must both work out a solution. pls pray and ask God to reveal the solution, yes he does reveal the root of problems so i know what am saying. when you address the root cause u find out its easier to deal with the symptoms. sometimes you think cheating might be the easy way out but then you go and entangle your self with a woman that forever wrecks your marriage. if you dont make a head way in your discussion then talk with a pastor if you trust their maturity. No sex before marriage is Gods way and you honored that, trust me he knows and will make a way for you. you might even turn out to help others in similar situations as you are able to work through yours by Gods grace..
ReplyDeleteNice Advice
DeletePoster please follow this
Ask GOD to reveal to reveal the secret behind this
This one serious eh. Oga you need to check yourself ,ask her some questions about how she wants it & how she likes it, maybe she might open up to know & let you know if there's any way you have been dong wrongly, same goes to her.
ReplyDeleteI really don't understand why someone won't like sex if it's done well ,that is the way he/she wants it. ...This is serious problem o, you both need help asap. Talk to her & if she refuses to get solution then it's time to speak to her parents...
Maybe she’s a lesbian. Please divorce her. She scammed you into a marriage relying on no sex before marriage to perpetuate the scam. No one can scam me into a marriage a remaining in it. I know you are religious but don’t let religion blind you. It’s even for the best that you don’t have kids yet. Imagine spending the rest of your life begging for sex. Please free yourself and next time be careful. Explore before marriage after you have done all STD tests.
ReplyDeleteGOD'S Way is always the best
DeleteI was raped as a child and not until I joined an NGO that helped me to heal i saw sex as a punishment . I felt it's what mean use to satisfy their urge and afterwards move on. When in relationship once the guy starts disturbing about sex I just work away. BUT thanks to Purple they made me realise that sex is good if it is with someone you love, I haven't had sex but am sure looking forward to it. Poster try and find out if your wife was molested in the past or if her genitals were mutilated maybe as their culture or if she practiced lesibianism before. There must be something wrong find out and handle it
ReplyDeleteWank
ReplyDeleteWank
Wank
Wank or
Do what your gender does best.
Hey God! What sort of advice is this? Lol 😯
DeleteThis is hard but I feel with good counselling it will work out well.
ReplyDeleteDunno why some women will claim I don't like sex and still refuse their hubby sex, I am not a fan of sex, but I can't deny my hubby that, it's his right.
ReplyDeletePoster since you hae talked and called the profs, tell her you want to get a side chic and see her reaction, with that you guys can have a heart to heart talk and by God's grace it will yeild something positive.
To vote @stelladimokokorkus as BLOGGER OF THE YEAR text sma18 stella to 33352
No sex before marriage is Gods instruction not man,therefore u did the right thing.may be she had an experience that always put her off,so be soft with her or she is having marine husband, deliverance is what she needs and as her husband u need to pray seriously with her or seek help from deliverance minister. U don't need too much sex to become pregnant, ally need is timing(ovulation) period and Gods help.so don't try to cheat u might contact disease by first trial and it is sin in Gods eye. Both of u will overcome.
ReplyDeleteFile for divorce! It is not going to change. There's no woman that started out behaving like your wife that changed. She doesn't like sex. Let her be. End the marriage and look for someone whose interests and sexual drive is similar to yours. Having children would worsen it. Good for you. Abstinence my left boob. See what that has cost you. If you had sex with her before marriage, you'd have noticed this behaviour. At least even if she stopped having sex with you after you guys got married, you would it has something to do with the marriage. But see ya life?! Anyways i would keep you in my prayers. But this is a divorce isssue, she would not change. The earlier the better for you.
ReplyDeleteYou have a point, a woman sent a chronicle she was ASEXUAL recently. Poster ask her well her reasons, and tell her you can't continue like this......
Deleteweigh her other qualities well, if shes worth staying married to then stay and endure.. get a side chick to fill that void. If other sides of ur wife no reach, abeg pursue her with broom commot
Deleteoga abeg find girlfriend jor. woman wey never born no dey allow sex? why she come marry?
ReplyDeleteThe poster just described me, I have been married for 7 years now, the only thing that brings about problems/ quarrel in my marriage is this no sex thing on my part, I see it as a chore and I feel pity whenever my husband begs for it whenever I am not in the mood for sex which is 99.9 percent, those saying its because he didn't test before marriage that is not the issue, before our marriage the sex was great, but now I see it as punishment and wish why sex is included in marriage. I often wish he can go out to get a babe at least so he could not bother with me again but he is a good man and he said he vow to be faithful to his wife when married. but with my refusal of sex I think he regrets marriage to me . I try to give in once in a while, cause as he says how can I be denying him of his right. I have two kids by the way and I keep thanking God for that.
ReplyDeleteIf you check very very well,you have stopped loving your husband same happened to me....no more love
DeleteHow can you just tell the story of my life without my permission. For me, I'm a free man now. Already on love again.
DeleteSort yourselves out. Tell her your problem and what it could lead to. If she loves you, she would realise she needs to step up.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteMy only advice is to keep trying until well.... try seeing other sexual therapists, gynaecologist to rule out dyspareunia and reproductive deformities, go for fertility investigations, be sure all is fine with her anatomically oh! Do same for yourself, then also try natural aphrodisiacs, jaruma and the likes..... try ehn the Lord is your strength, he alone will see you through.
Every woman loves sex, forget that story. Maybe you don't understand her love language or your sex game is wack. I will advice you learn how to suck her very well she will begin to love sex. Most times women don't know what they want, you need to change her mindset towards sex. My wife told me she doesn't like being sucked when we got married maybe because of awful experience but today she begs for it.
ReplyDeleteIf I hear. The fact that it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone. Some people have made up their mind, no matter what you do
DeleteDon't make sweeping comments. Not everybody likes sex.
DeleteOga have you watched war room?
ReplyDeleteI say watch war room.
How is your prayer life?
You need to pray fervently against the machinations of the Devil.
Oh yes. Marriage is for better or worse.
As the head it is your response to steer your home aright.
Don't give them devil a footstool.
Pray!!!
Gbadura!!!!!!
Bro, this is just me but the difference is that we have 2kids but man, the begging no be here kai! I took my wife out to an expensive restaurant, bought her iphone 6 (when it was invoke) and a gold chain, for my mind that night haven go hear us without begging. Immediately i zoom off, madam done sleep despite all the dirty talk we did during the dinner. Ok i chill, early pi pi, i done make move, babe refuse again...i beg beg even forming cry. i ended up watching Joel Osteen with her. After that day, i had to bring back my play boy habit. Now, if she give me oo or no give me oo. Guy man is ok. 3yrs of dating with so much knacking and 6 yrs of marriage with so much begging. mtcheew
ReplyDelete*in-vogue
DeleteTHAT IS WHILE I STILL RUN BACK TO MY EX. DO YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOU STEAL SEX IS SWEETER THAN WHEN YOU DO IT WITH YOUR WIFY/HUBBY TRY IT AND THANK ME LATER
ReplyDeleteI'm a virgin and I was in a relationship with a fellow virgin. I was 25 at the time. I don't even believe in kissing before marriage but I had to give myself brain and walk out. I have sexual feelings but don't actually on them but I believe my ex either had a problem or is asexual. I know this is ridiculous but I feel it's acceptable for me to be a virgin but not him. He's a man, I know this is double standards. Very caring and nice man when I heard about his previous relationships, especially the one he trained a girl from secondary school only for her to dump him after he paid her way through university, I knew sex was the problem. He feels love is the most important at the neglect of physical relationship. Although I'm not sexually experienced I'm looking forward to a very fulfilling and active sex life in marriage. I'm still single and so he is and honestly sometimes I just want to overlook the sex bit, go back to him and hope for the best in marriage. I'm sure of all his qualities except that but sense keeps dragging me back as Stella would say, I keep counting my teeth with my tongue. If I marry him and nothing happens and I end up cheating what would be the point of 27 years of sexual purity? I mean abstaining as a single person is a choice, I am free to do whatever I want with my body now but in marriage that would be the sin of adultery and I don't think the excuse that the husband is impotent or asexual would absolve me of it. Then I wonder what if there's nothing wrong with him and he is a tiger in bed? Sadly I can't bring myself to test drive before buying the car.
ReplyDeleteDon't let a good man go for a very flimsy reason. Sex in marriage is perfected with time as u get to understand what u both desire. However, u shd ask urself if there is any real attraction in the first place. If there is, then there's hope. As two ppl who have kept themselves I believe God will bless ur union. Take a leap of faith.
DeleteI’ve never been an advocate of no sex before marriage. It’s a 50/50 thing. That it worked for A doesn’t mean it’ll work for B. Experienced people in marriage keep emphasizing that sex is very important in marriage atleast the first few years of the marriage.... It’s well with you poster
ReplyDeleteMost married couple do not recognise that libido fluctuates in men and women owing to several factors, some physical, others, mental. The woman who says she doesn't like sex may actually be encountering a low - libido challenge and that's all. Poster, seek to help your wife to boost her libido, through the right foods or drugs and you'll be shocked she'll come running after you. Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteBut pls let her be in the know about any drug u are administering to her.
DeleteStella I agree with you. Maybe he can't grind. I have the same problem too. My hubby can't grind. I dey dodge sex like bullet yet I'm horny AF! Masturbation ti take over!
ReplyDeletePoster, welcome to my world. Stella remember me; The Story of Kufre 3 years back? Well it has not changed. Recall one of the SDK fans telling me about Kufre been Melancholic, poster perhaps your wife is Melancholic! Read up about melancholics and you will learn to endure your wife like I have learnt. We have been married for 18 years now and I don turn to "Sidon look" !
ReplyDeleteHmmmm...btw some guys will leave women who really love them to chase the ideal dream of a particular woman, only to realise they were chasing shadows... this life...
ReplyDelete