STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LEAVING ONES BIZNESS FOR PAID EMPLOYMENT
BVs I hail una oo
Please I need serious and urgent advice. I got engaged to my fiance mid last year and ever since then we have planning our wedding but always end up shifting it due to finance.
My fiance started his own business like 2 years ago. He picked interest in his line of business from his former place of employment then started his own. But the thing is that business doesn't come regularly and when it finally comes he spends his profit before another job comes again, that's to basically say that he has no savings.
Every day every time is always cry or complains on how he's broke and all that. Even when he get the job there will be one mistake or the other that will end up eating into his profit.
I understand his passion for his business but right now that isn't bringing in money and I Am thinking of advising him to dust out his CV and look for a paid employment. At least have a regular source of income will still trying to grow his business.
I don't want him to think I don't support or believe in his dream but I believe this will help him and help us to a great deal.
What do you guys think. Please and God bless.
*Dont you work?just wondering if he is the only one that is supposed to plan towards the wedding...Cos from what you just explained up there,its gonna be a long wait oh..
Let him dust his CV and get a job while he keeps his biz as a side hustle. Business isn't to favourable now cos of economic factors, while at it, get something doing but don't let him depend on you for cash oh. He should be the man.
ReplyDeleteYes Stella. He's supposed to plan for his wedding. A woman she not add shi shi. He's marrying her, she's not marrying hersef. Plus shebi he'll be the head of the family nhaa? So he shd act like one...Plus this is Africa
DeleteLET him better dust it o, he can decide to be handling his, when he is back from work, or put someone (like a secretary) to be running the place, when he has a contract he can do it and go back to his place of employment, money is very important in marriage
DeletePush up. I think this mentality is wrong and that's what makes men think they are above women. There's nothing wrong if she supports reasonably. The key words here are: SUPPORT and REASONABLY.
DeletePoster I'm a lady and an enterpreneur and this is my thought. Unless your fiance is a lazy enterpreneur, I see no reason why you should tell him to dust up his C.V. truth is most serious enterpreneurs that are serious won't find your idea welcoming. Every enterpreneur has their seasons, there are times you are having so much coming in back to back and there are times it slows down. Your ability to save for the hard times and invest towards it is very important. If he goes working for someone, When will he have the time to go sourcing for contracts or even brainstorming for his own business?
My advice to you is if he's a good man that involves you in his affairs, advise him to invest in other things that brings in money frequently when he makes money. Please be his peace. Don't sound too money conscious.
Above all please follow your heart as nobody wears the show with you and you know where it pinches the most. If that's not your idea of a partner, you can let him go while you find someone that matches you better, All the best.
I am also an entrepreneur but should he stay this way for the next 10years or should she keep supporting, no one is saying he should stop his business but atleast work until you have enough money saved then you can be spending from it and concentrating on your business. You can’t marry someone’s child and expect them to keep slaving for you for years, we all don’t know when his big break will come
DeleteIf his business is not moving or money is not coming forth from the business he should pack well and apply for a job, join the both together and before you know it he will grow his business with his salary and you guys get married.
ReplyDeletePoster. Do not, I repeat, Do Not find your own wedding. Because it’s looking like things are tilting that way. Men these days are starting to use different formats. If he hooks you with engagement and keep shifting wedding ate due to brokenness, you would get tired or the embarrassment would make you find the wedding and expect him to pay you back once his business picks up. That na wiiiide entry way into one-chance land.
Delete#fund
DeleteThis is what happens when you put the cart before the horse. Stella, I don’t know what you mean by “doesn’t she work?”, she mentioned that his business isn’t doing well and he literally as no savings because he spends his profit even before another job comes.
ReplyDeleteSee forget people who sing “entrepreneurship” is the way, yes it is but don’t leave a 9-5 just to jump into business because I promise you’d suffer and then end up with nothing especially if you have no strong support system or back up cash stashed up somewhere. Before you leave that job best start that business, fail, start over and fail again until you get your footing. Entrepreneurs that are successful today didn’t wake up and have everything rosy. You both should take one step back and postpone this wedding until Finance is in order else you both would get into a marriage with resentment. Money is very important as much as you love your partner, the love is sweeter when you have your needs met.
One person cannot shoulder the responsibility of two adults with family both extended and nuclear family on the side. Getting back into the job force is also dependent on his skill, experience and industry. Jobs don’t wait for people unless you’re the type who has people in top places. Please it’s important that you both get the issue of Finance in order before the wedding. Also, If you’re in a hurry to wed then do something small according to your pockets. In future when things bounce back, you can close the roads to celebrate your love. Don’t run into debt because you want to have a society wedding.
True @ Doppel...that was my case.I left 9-5 to start biz with no cash stashed somewhere and no serious backings and its been such a struggle.Just that I have a die hard Spirit and keep motivating myself while working at things that will bring me closer to my business dream.
DeleteI have been out of workforce for about 2yrs now & it will be hard for me to go back.
Entrepreneurship is not for the faint hearted oo, especially for those without business visibility.
God help us.
Smart Doppel
DeleteGod bless you for your lovely comment. hope poster will listen to this advice. Well said.
DeleteThis just the truth.
Deletesee wetin person write, I told them that you have senses, but the did believe me. una done see prove? come tell me what is your brand?
DeleteDear Dopple, you've spoken well. In fact I'm tempted to say you are a motivational speaker but I'm sorry to say you are not totally right. I'm an enterpreneur and trust me. Entrepreneurship or life is not theory you need to live it to know.
DeleteYou can be working 8 to 5, save money and start up your business till it grows up to certain extend before going into entrepreneurship and still lose it all and come back to square 1.
What am I saying? Entrepreneurship is a calling and is not for the faint hearted. If the poster is someone who can't endure, the best thing is she forgets about this whole marriage. But if she can be there and plan with his man especially when it comes to investment then she's good to go. Entrepreneurship needs full concentration. Unless her boyfriend is the lazy type and using being an enterpreneur as an excuse, I see no reason he should dust up his C.V. that advice will make him a jack of all trades and a master of none. Thanks.
By the way I'm also a woman.
Gbam
DeleteEntrepreneurship is not for babies especially if you are not from a rich background
You don't have to have a rich background to be an entrepreneur.
DeleteYou have to be resilient.
Receive sense.
Always sounding dull.
Poster you're on the right track. Tell him to dust his CV. Forget about the wedding for now.
ReplyDeleteIf you're not working also try and get a job. Don't use your money to plan wedding please.
It depends on his mindset, for some people like us "we die in business " believing that better days are ahead.We are roughing it out through thick and thin. If he is like me he might not buy the idea of working.You might not like to hear this but pls don't encourage the wedding if he cant afford the basics for you both.You will just get frustrated after the wedding since there is no steady cash flow.
ReplyDeleteGive him time to put himself and his finances together.What are the things that will make his business grow? Is it more marketing strategies,funds,strategic location etc
Find the solution to the problem and watch the business to see if it turns around.
There is nothing wrong with him going to work but my suggestions are based on if he doesn't buy the idea of working.
I can so relate to this Story cos i am a struggling business owner but working isn't an option for me but rather looking for solution to take my biz to the next level.
Pls make i know the business u do??
DeleteThis one is complicated ooh.
ReplyDeletehmmmmmmmm poster we are almost in same situation. Mine is a relationship of six to seven years though long distance. Now the boo in question wanna start life afresh, am as confuse as shit.. how much longer can i wait, i have tried getting into other relationship aint working out. I just need God to tell which direction to follow, at the cause of the situation i get vexed these days at any slight thing from him..Am so confuse
ReplyDelete7 years?
DeleteDo you know how much you can achieve in 7 years?
You can clear your undergraduate programme and masters programme.
You can do 3 Masters programmes in 7 years.
A 7 year old child should be in primary 3 or 2. You can give birth to 3 children in 7 years.
If you started as a trainee 7 years ago,ideally you should be an executive/manager by now.
So this 7 years of waiting, how have you built your own life? What are your own plans?
Abi your own plans are dependent on his own plans?
You say you are 'as confuse as shit' about? Maybe you will see clearly when you and menopause are doing selfie while you are waiting for Oga long distance to do the needful.
Registry does not cost up to 50k.
Introduction can be only family, it is not compulsory you invite all the communities in your village.
Church Wedding can be small and intimate, but pepper dem gang will not let people reason with sense.
Bottomline, somebody who actually has the intention of marrying would have PLANNED his life towards it.
If there are no plans, ladies don't bother. Even if you borrow and scrape to do your pepper dem wedding, after wedding nko???
It is well. Work and side business goes hand in hand
ReplyDeletePoster I am having this same problem, we cant even think of our marriage now because of lack of finances on his part. Wedding cost is not even a problem, his parents are wealthy, after marriage is my problem.
ReplyDeleteHe had a job as a 9-5 job that paid okay. Now he went into doing business / contracts, he might get a big one going into millions, but it may be twice a year. Before you know it he's broke again and has to get a loan from me. How do I go into marriage with such a person, because we will only be sure on my own salary.
He says he cant imagine working for anyone again. Luckily his family even has money and he has his own property and all. But even though I am in my 30s I am hesitant of entering a marriage I will be the bread winner.
my dear to win akara is not easy not to talk of bread
DeleteQuestion. Why is he borrowing from you when he’s from a rich family? Grrrrl, you better shine ya eyes. Is that what he’ll be doing in marriage too?
DeleteBe polite and cautious while at it. Do not present it to him as if his business is a total flop without hope of picking up. Explain in details and make him understand the need for him to pick up 9-5 job while running his side business.
ReplyDeleteChoose your words and do not deflate his ego. Apply wisdom and love in making him to reason along with you.
Unfortunately self employment is not is easy as it sounds. However, there must be a way to improve the business. If the biz is profitable then the only problem I see is frequency and that is where social media exposure comes in.
ReplyDeleteIts easy to say dust your CV but is getting a well paying job in these times easy? Is he going to start dragging 200k paying jobs with fresh graduates? What was he earning before? Can he get his old job back at least?
The life of an business person has a lot of low moments. For each success you see, there has been failures you did not see. But if he is determined he can make it.
let him go and look for a mentor in that his bizness field and learn under his tutelage. Why do you think all these Onitsha and Anambra boys serve their masters? It is to learn the ropes of the business. You don't just jump into biz without doing your homework. Let him look for people that are doing well in his field, befriend them and "serve" them for sometime so that he can get connections on how to improve his business.
I don't necessarily think he needs to dust his CV until he has tried everything to improve and still failed. Then maybe biz is not just his calling.
You people should shelve your marriage plans first and work on building your finances.
Cant you work yourself and support him in the marriage until things get better for him,must u kill his dream because of your fears?
ReplyDeleteYou are obviously single.
DeleteAnd still mumu.
Mine comes from an extremely poor family although he is doing fine a little he is a teacher but am scared of marrying him.I cum from an average family where my needs are met to an extent.he is the saviour and Messiah of their family his siblings are illiterate he comes from the Niger delta while am a Yoruba girl.my mum don't want me to marry him.Cus of his tribe And the guy I met on single and mingle DAT I luv is not always online to the extent we can take tins to the next level he didn't ask me out self.My mum said is woteva I ask DAT God will give me I need a financially stable guy God fearing am not lazy too but I don't want to becum d bread winner when I get married BVS wot can I do
ReplyDeleteIf a man wants to marry nothing will stop him from marrying. There are weddings tailored to every budget, a wedding does not have to have 2000 people to be considered a wedding. You can marry with close family members and very close friends. He could even whisk you off to Vegas and get married there. Why must it be big and costly to be a worthwhile wedding? A serious man will find a way to make you his wife as soon as he is sure you are the one, one thing I know when a man is ready he wants to marry right away, so if this man is stalling he is just not ready and using whatever plausible excuse he can find. Now, if the thought of having a modest wedding turns you off, if you need the princess showcase then wait until his money is right and do not complain.
ReplyDeleteWhere's the spirit of feminism��, most people are saying since he's going to be the head of the family. Are we not equal again?
ReplyDeleteLet him dust it please. It can be tough without money.
ReplyDeleteSo you expect him to foot the wedding bill all by himself? You won’t contribute at all? And how about you find a job and Also contribute toward the wedding plan! Im not even sure if he’s willing to marry you if you can’t support him financially. Na wa for some women o. I’m a woman and this is completely ridiculous. What are you bringing to the table as well???
ReplyDeleteSome entrepreneurs are better of in paid employment but they will never know or doesn’t want to accept the fact.
ReplyDeleteNo offense but who are our young instagram/ Facebook ladies listening to? Must you marry at a particular age? Stella is right, do you have a career of your own? To the person dating the Teacher who is the “ messiah “ of his family, please pause, think and move your life forward because you will get into a pothole filled bumpy ride in life.
ReplyDeleteLadies please have a career or acquire a skill that society pays for even if it is as a make up artist. I think this dependence on men started when unemployment forced a lot of women who graduated in the 80s and 90s into “shoe & bag” no steady, husband financed gigs. Some were lucky it was during the new generation banking boom so the spouses could send them to London or Italy to buy & sell shoe 👠and bag and they never used the money for housekeeping. They lived large and traveled for vacations on the man’s income.
Times have changed for the worse in Nigeria, so please young ladies, strive to achieve and be a helper to your husbands so if he loses his job temporarily you will still be ok and no one needs to know till that season of your life is over. The notion of a man as a sole breadwinner is why some Nigerian marriages collapse in America. If your mindset is to depend on your husband don’t bother settling here. Even if he is a brain surgeon, you will drag him below his peers with your aimlessness and lack of ambition. I have a friend from a certain part of the country where they actually pay bride price, they don’t in my place. She refused to share household bills with her hubby saying “ he married me, I can’t pay for my own shelter”. She made six figures, the man made less. Her eyes cleared after spending $$ on a divorce lawyer and thank goodness they are still together. Don’t carry your mom’s emotional marital scar for her. Your dad or uncle may have betrayed your mom or aunty’s loyalties. Your husband may not be a womanizer and most likely will be loyal to you and respect you if you both have successful careers. You can’t have it both ways and please those who romanticize divorce in the West based on movies should get real. The only winners are divorce attorneys!