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SELF DEFENCE BEATING


Hiiiii Stella,
Your blog is life!!! Been a quiet BV for a catzillion years and i can't over-emphasize how much i love it. Do hide my mail.

I'm female, 27 and work with one of the well known auditing firms in Nigeria. I met this dude ,Nathan (not his real name) at my sister's wedding a little over three months ago. I honestly didn't pay him any mind because there were a lot of good-looking guys and my 'anti fuck boy antenna 'was on full alert.

 During the reception, he introduced himself politely, paid me a compliment and made me laugh a whole lot. I, being a sucker for one on one beautiful conversations went with the flow BIG TIME (His 6.4 slim frame and yummy baritone voice helped too!!).

He is 33, single (he said),nerd and works with one of the oil companies. During the course of conversations over a few weeks , we got sorta close and i got the impression he was God-fearing,which is important to me. Thus began the wooing...GUYMAN went all out. 

Calls, flowers at work ,ridiculously expensive gifts, well thought out dates (y'all know how it is) and i was enjoying every minute of it. I agreed to be his girlfriend. He introduced me to his friends,mum,sister and it was all good.

After about two months, he invited me over to his place, i went over and he prepared this really sumptuous meal . Oboy, i chop well o (fit fam gbakwa oku). 

We kissed but i didn't screw him because it just didn't feel right. IMO, s#x has to be mutually enjoyed to avoid unnecessary feelings of being used. It's not because i took a vow of celibacy. He made no qualms about it and i honestly thought he's an understanding man. He kept up with his facade and bogus romantic acts until on Tuesday when the unexpected happened. 

I had this insane headache and had to skip work. Called "the boo" and told him what's up and as a caring morrafucker, he came over after work. I don't know if its seeing me in a vunerable state that turned him on or his village people just held a meeting concerning him, all i know is he,(just out of the blues)started forcefully making out with me. I politely asked him to stop but he just kept on.

 I shoved him and Nathan landed a scream-inducing blow on my face. I saw stars. The idiot had the effontery to continue his harassment. 

I never told him i took self defence classes as a kid and still do. I never mention it to anyone except family. As soon as he got on top of me, i head butted the shit outta his lips and landed a blow to his balls.

 He screamed in pains and jumped off me. I got up and beat the bejesus out of him. It was late afternoon so my quiet neighbourhood was even more quiet because people went to work.

 What saved him was the security guard that heard 'oga' screaming and crying because 'madam" was dying. He knew i was ill(Me sef forget headache when GUYMAN wan show himself ). I know i should have stopped and sent him running after he jumped off me, but i detest rapists. I just had to funk him up. 

He left my house bleeding, bruised and lips and left eye,swollen. 

Safe to say i am now single and strutting my stuff. He has been begging i forgive and stay. U see devil? Tufiakwa. Is it DV when u batter a rapist? I do not feel any pang guilt, whatsoever.
PS: I LOVE YOU STELLA!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha...OMG!!!!