I have married women friends that are so submissive to their spouse it got on my nerves.
Let me share some reasons why I get pissed with my overly submissive friends.
I will ask my friend to follow me to the market next thing I will hear is let me ask my husband. Seriously? Ok I have no problem with you letting your husband know your whereabouts, but its not like the market is far or out of town.
I will say Let's attend this program. Next thing is my husband said I shouldn't.
I will be like are we going there to look for men?
This gets me so upset, I mean if I need to attend an event in town, I TELL my husband about it and then I attend.
I'm not a feminist I still don't fully understand the meaning of the word, but I'm a grown woman and decision making comes with being grown.
When I did Keto and lost weight, a friend was really admiring me and I encouraged her to try it. She said her husband likes her big with her new big bum, but she didn't like herself like that. And I was like seriously you are going to remain like this? She said ehn now if Oga likes it.
At a point ehn I started avoiding these married women. My husband said, my husband this and that matter was getting me irritated, wetin, me sef marry now.
Recently I have moved from being irritated to admiring these husbands. I mean they must be doing something right to get this kind of submission from their wives.
Just last week a friend that has been growing her natural hair chopped it off and relaxed it. I asked her if she got tired of it she said no that her husband was admiring a lady on Anita Baker and she decided to do it for him. Just like that?
I was just thinking, he didn't ask her she did it because he likes it. Cutting of hair is a big deal for a lady and she did it just like that. I imagined myself in that situation, if my husband were to tell me to chop off my hair I will ask him what I will get in return. I mean I can't just do something so huge for you without you shaking body na.
And that's why I'm thinking these husbands must be doing something right behind the scene.
My husband can't ask me to do something drastic without me asking for something in return. All these women be making me look like I wasn't properly brought up.
So na only me waka come or I have people like me?
If I was married i can't take decisions without letting my husband know. If I want to follow a friend out, I tell him and he says no, I would respect that fact. Though there has to be a reason and i would def agree. Going against it brings problem in the house I believe. My take.
ReplyDeleteWaooooo!
DeleteKudos Miss Ess; hope this is not marketing strategy?!
And you Iya Ibeji, na thrash you yarn there o.
The husband (husband and not HORSEband) remains the head whether you like am or not.
If you no wan wahala for ya marriage, you got to respect im wishes and him respect yours.
If he wan visit a particular place, im suppose tell you too and you have to make your
opinion known. If he no like am, na dialogue go settle am; mutual dialogues.
chai, I don nak grammar for this ya matter.
Come and take a bottle of wine from me
DeleteAnon, because the man is the head of the house doesn't mean he should always control the wife.
Delete@Kathy
DeleteIf you don't want to be "controlled", better don't marry
else na chronicle you go dey send in from day one.
What you call "control" is simple courtesy.
If I love someone, I won't do what will hurt him/her -simple.
Miss Ess let me ask you if you get a job in shell and they are offering you 800k and your husband says no because he earns 120k,will you be submissive and say no or will you use the brain God gave you and take the job?
DeleteI ask because you make it sound like a woman was created to serve and please her husband only and not to even exist as an individual entity out the marriage.
Miss Ess answer me oo
LEP😛
Yinmu
DeleteYour market must sha sell.
LEP yes oo she will definitely say no.
DeleteEven a husband that earns 1m won't say I shouldn't take the offer, except he is a man that doesn't like his wife working and hd is on the verge of opening a million naira business for me which we have discussed and he is very much capable of, sure I won't take it. I was brought up that way to respect a man, much more your husband. I saw my more treat my father like a god and there was no problem. He loved and respected her more than I could ever see any one else do. Please use another example.
DeleteShorty....I had wanted to colour my hair for a while now but for fear of breakage. I went to a salon last week and just dyed the hair like that, I got home and showed my husband, he looked indifferent. What I do with my hair shouldn't exactly be a big deal for him, na me Still get the head principally. It's not that serious abeg.
DeleteDainty T thank you. It's really not that serious.
DeleteThe exact scenario played out when I coloured my hair too.
I have been married for 11yrs , I make most decisions concerning me and I inform hubby about my decisions. If he is not happy, he gives me reasons why not we then dialogue. But for petty things like hair, going out with a friend. I just inform him before I leave so he will know where I’m going incase of emergencies.
Deletemost of these kinds of women are in a controlling marriage. yes you must let your partner know your whereabouts n all but why will i remain fat against my wish? i tinted my hair gold and dint take permission from hubby before i did it. this is not about not wanting to be submissive to hubby. there are some decisions that should be your prerogative. if i sometimes want to dress the way hubby like to please him yes but he cannot dictate everything about my style or forbid me to wear certain things cos he doesn't like it
DeleteThis one pass submission biko.
ReplyDeleteLafresh abeg help me read what MissEss type above biko! Like my jaws are on the floor! I am totally speechless!
DeleteAnon you dey mind that one.
DeleteAnon leave me o. I no get power
DeleteCompromise, it doesn't make u less of a woman/man.
ReplyDeleteEg my dad loves low cut, my mom had to cut her hair Anita baker style and even tinted it ginger blonde, she loves it n it was popsy DAT applied d dye.
Sometimes u don't castigate wat women do for their men.
The one I don't support is d one that would beat shege from ur body and ask you jump and u reply "how high my Lord".
On point bb
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteLol @how high
DeleteRubbish!! You can only expect submission from a woman if it is vice versa biko
DeleteYou're like my sister, the way women carry marriage on their head is not like my sister oh, and she married the best man on earth Jesus, how can people be so lucky even when they don't even try much. And the husband is filthy rich not that he poor. She doesn't even stress herself n marriage look so easy n less stressful with her. My sister will come n be telling me how her friends will be everything my husband with so much disgust.
ReplyDeleteOne of my relationship ended two days after introduction because i didn't do what he wanted.
ReplyDeleteHe said i should join a department in Church "before we go see pastor".I told him i'm not ready to join a department yet that i will do that when i'm ready and not because of pastor but God.My guy changed am for me and called me names.We quarrelled and made up and few weeks later introduction held.
We got back to base after intro and my guy raised up the issue again and i was suprised thinking that we resolved it the last time.I asked him why is it an issue its not like i won't join later but not just ready at that moment and he said all sorts and i was really hurt and kept wondering what marriage will be like if we can't just get over this little issue.
He expected me to be "submissive" and do what he says.I expected him to be "considerate and understand i'm not ready yet".Its not as if he's in a department sef but just wanted pastor to know that he is in a relationship with a "jim jim sister" which turned me off.(Funny enough i joined a department when i found a flexible one that wouldn't demand so much of my time but didn't tell him cos i did it for God and not him.)I also wanted it to come as a suprise later but i'm happy the arguement came up again becos i saw through him.
Na so relationship end ooo.
He's not your own ni
DeleteYou dodged a bullet dear. He is a domineering guy who lives to impress the public without considering how it will affect his immediate loved ones.
DeleteYou saw through what exactly
DeleteLearn to be teachable.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
@ XOXO no be everything person go talk here oo..If i add some other things it will be as if i just want to paint him bad.That "I saw through him" is a big canopy.Not forcing my opinion on you dear.I had to reply you because he once said i'm not "teachable" issorait.(I will always always express myself in a relationship and if that makes me not teachable so be it.Spiritual things shouldn't be forced but lets leave matter for mathias).
Delete@Blessed One: My dear you can say that again.At some point of the arguement i told him exactly what you said above that he is a "people pleaser" and he got angry.
@Prudent Tabitha: My dear,no be small something.
Teachable kwa @ XoXo? Odiegwu, if it's not from her heart, it's called eye service,and that service should be unto the Lord not man. So what will happen if she joins a department and leave after the marriage. Besides didn't the young man see a department sister before coming to her?
DeleteBV, spiritual things shouldn't be forced biko. You did well.
DeleteMy dear, that lowlife is controlling. How is that even enough reason to end a relationship if he was serious? Good riddance to bad rubbish. Forget xoxo,What does she know?
DeleteExactly
ReplyDeleteWhatever works for you in your marriage, continue with it. There is no law or lay down rules out there for a successful marriage. Thats my own two cents.
ReplyDeleteYiu are correct
DeleteI follow you Waka Iya Ibeji. I have a friend who had to get a tattoo done because her husband said so. She has not bank account because Oga said no. She has lost her identity, no vision nothing. She is very submissive. From night vigil to gym without resting because oga said so. And this woman is very nice. Never complains or argue. She has a wonderful character but her brain in working in reverse. How can an adult be okay being micromanaged. Women are very powerful species. So powerful that even men fear us. As a woman, you determine a lot of things in your home. Even the future of the man lies in your hands. Men are very important don't get me wrong. Extremely important,but they are shortsighted, full of fear, doubts,just like children. Why will any woman then decide to become a man's dog with a leach around her neck?. It can only be a partnership. Walking side by side.
ReplyDelete😁😁😁... your own beta nahh. I have a friend who cannot buy anything without telling her husband. She can be carrying one hand bag for God knows when, if you tell her to pick handbag and pay later, she will carry every-every home to show her husband first. She can't buy anything for herself without the consent of the husband. And it's not as if the husband is paying o. Tell her, do this hair style, you will hear, let me show hubby first. At times, I will just nahhh for her. Her tori plenty..
ReplyDeleteMaybe she trusts her husbands taste and sense of style. That is different. That is not what Iya ibeji is talking about.
DeleteAnon, it's not different o. I have an aunt like this and she does this because if she buys something on her own without his consent,he will insult her, tell her she was cheated and that she buys stuff of poor quality. The day she made her hair without consulting him ehn, hair that was fine to everybody o. Uncle told her to go and remove it, she's stupid and all that.
Delete@ Kathy: you dey mind Anon?
DeleteNa waooo speachlesss..
ReplyDeleteIya beji you said that if you want to go out you will tell your husband and another woman did you call it over submissive .
ReplyDeleteSo you expect her to follow you without telling her husband her whereabout? If something happen to her where will her husband start looking for her?
A wise human trafficker told me that "follow me go message" na like that slave trade take start.
Whatever a couple do for each other, no matter how disgusting it is to you, if they are living happily doing that biko mind your business and leave them to live their disgusting/over submissive happy life.
Get your own identity chike. Which one is a wise human trafficker.
DeleteChike she said the woman asked permission. Thats not the samething as telling him.
DeleteWe are all different. For instance, I recently chopped my hair because of constant migraine attacks. I told my boyfriend after I cut it and he was cool with it. He believed that I should be able to do anything for my health and comfort.
ReplyDeleteI went out with the low cut and my male friends were shouting "ah" why did your hair, did your man allow it, didn't he complain bla bla bla. Someone even said that relax the hair and start making it to reduce the episodes of headache. I gave him a correct response because he is not even in the position. He should go and dictate for his girl. Many women kept on asking if my man is okay with it.
So, I was forced to contact the man on my own and asked if he's okay with it. He was even lost with my question and told me to put my health before anything. I always know him to be a care free man.
There are some things I do without permission, and I don't intend to stop after marriage.
Thats it! Real men dont want a woman they control. One who cant hold her own or step in for him in decision making. Its weak men that look for the likes of MissEss.
DeleteHow daft can you be? Real men want a woman that can control them okwaya, weak men look for women that are weak like them, because she listens and takes order from her husband she can't hold her own or step in for him in decisions making! You people are so dumb I swear.
DeleteEvery step I take he has to know, not because he compels me to but because he makes submissiveness easy by the way he tells me everything about himself too. We are one now so we should act as one.
ReplyDeleteHe makes submissiveness easy, i like that. You have a good man
DeleteYea
DeleteNa wa ooo
ReplyDeleteWhatever works for them, I guess!
ReplyDeleteIt did not work this way for my mother and no way on earth will it work that way for me. Im priority first, kids next and husband last.
Women ask yourself questions sometimes:
❌ ask for permission to go out? Does he ask for your own persmisson to go out? Know that’s there’s a difference in telling where you are going and updating as plans change and seeking permission before it’s done especially if it isn’t s big deal like meeting up with friends.
❌When he was deciding whether or not to have a pot belly or chiselled body. Did he ask what you’d prefer. So why then does he have the right to make you feel uncomfortable in a body you aren’t comfortable with and sure as Hell doesn’t look right both on the scale and in your clothes.
❌ he tells you he loves his ladies natural, so you discard all your wakeup and go out everyday with greasy face looking like a crazie! Meanwhile he is out here admiring every woman in makeup whether heavy, caked or natural.
❌ he likes women with short hair, so therefore you went ahead and cut your hair because you felt you were compromising, but it’s his choice to keep a beard or have a clean shave based on which looks better on him in his mind. But you, it’s compromise for him! Comfort yourself with that word for as long as you want , but you are only insecure that your man will look outside should you not do what he prefers on other women . NEWS FLASH: even if you do it, it wouldn’t stop him from looking elsewhere because you know what?? Halle berry’s cut will Only every be as good as it does on her or someone with same body/face type and it will never look the same on Amaka’s own.
This is the reason why women lose out in marriages most of the time, they get overly invested and loose themselves trying to please a man who wouldn’t for a minute consider their opinions should tables be turned around.
Gbammest!
DeleteThank you. Please help me knock on MissEss's door and borrow her a littel esteem.
DeleteAnon 15:34 what has esteem got to do with this? I say i will tell my husband whatever i want to do, what is wrong in that? Does it mean my husband will tell me no, don't do it, even if he says so just because he is my husband i respect him. It doesn't mean i am stupid, low life or a fool. There are things my husband would tell me too because I am his wife and I might see reason and say no, go this way. Does that make him less of a man? There are times I would want to dress a kinda of way and my son would say no don't wear it, I do listen. I did a kind of hairstyle and he said it was not age appropriate, I took it off that day. I respect men a lot and i have been in a relationship where a guy said he can't event fault me when we broke up, shit happened from him and we ended it after 7yrs. Only DV would maje me disrespect a man and o hace never cone across such men. If i find put that you are quick tempered I quickly discharge myself because i am too soft to collect a slap. I can't stand an aggressive human, they scare me. Some people like me are just not lucky with love/marriage and for sure not everyone would get married. If it comes, i pray for the best, if it does not, it's all good. All I know is that we shall be one, there is no move in this world I would want to take that he won't know if I get married, if i don't tell him, who do i tell?
DeleteNice one
DeleteWay to go miss Ess, your own will come and if not, enjoy your life dear. Marriage is not a pass to make heaven.
DeleteThe fact that miss ess chooses what she wants and what makes her happy doesn’t make her a fool cus it brings her happiness and peace which is paramount in a persons life. Awon no bride price feminists leave her alone
DeleteGod bless you for me Push Up. You do what you feel is good for you. We are wired differently, we are different people with different character, to each his/her. Just because i go with my husband's rule doesn't make my life tied to his. The fact remains I have to respect and obey him, which id reciprocal. If God says i would marry, the man would be my mini god and I know he wouldn't love me less, because there's a man for every woman.
DeleteMiss Ess, I sort of understand what you are saying but if the man is bad or selfish, he will so take advantage of you . Haven't you seen husbands who prevent their wives from going to her parents ? So if you have that kind of husband what will you do? Listen or put on your thinking cap.You have a hubby who says go to a church to give birth not hospital , will you listen? I think being submissive is good but it should be done with common sense.
DeleteAnyway,I like you Miss Ess, you are one person I just can't insult.
What works for A won't work for B, before I got married we tell each other wherever we are going to, I call my husband and tell him wherever I am going to, even my husband do that too, infact he just left the house for a summit and immediately he came home from work yesterday he told me that he will be going for a summit and he also told me the two places he went to from work that he didn't tell me about. Sometimes telling your spouse is for security reasons. As for hair y husband likes cee cee kinda hair and I like straight hair or wavy hair, so what I do is fix straight hair then ceecee kinda hair, then wavy hair, I switch like that.
ReplyDeleteInforming is different from taking permission
DeleteExactly. They are 2 different things. So if you have an emergency you must wait to tell your husband before you can do that. If there is something urgent to do that is a matter of time you must call your hubby to tell him if there is no network you will still wait or probably go home to wait for him to come home before you can do it. For me, do what i want to do that i feel will be of benefit to us. I think these people might not be financially independent so everytin they must tell their husband. What ever suits you abeg. I no fit shout.
DeleteMe,am she sitting on this table, even if am going to the next street, I must inform him.
ReplyDeleteDo you take permission to go to the next street? The above story is talking about permission
DeleteYou will tell your husband you are going out but you expect another woman not to tell her husband.
ReplyDeleteYour type will spoil people's marriage while your own will stay forever. I am sure you are very very submissive. All these women applauding you, i hope they know that you are submissive too. Maybe your type of submissiveness may be different but still you are.
Let people do what they want with their marriage...e no concern anybody.
By the way, i love your series
KING XOXO MYSTERY
There's a difference btw husband m going out with a friend to so and so place and telling husband that m going here with a friend should I go?
DeleteNow you're talking.
DeleteMarriage to an African man isn't for me biko
ReplyDeleteIt's nonsensical nonsense like this that makes me not fuck with African men
It's pathetic! So even if you have to shit, you will tell your husband? Do you lose your identity and all your initiative when you get married?
I have an aunt like that. She follows her husband around like a meek little mouse. Could you believe that this man sold her properties to start his own business and she didn't even know about it? She found out AND SHE STILL STAYED? The way the woman was rich, independent and beautiful before marriage ehn! Now she has turned herself into a housewife, complete with Abaya and Deeper Life Hairstyle! The man has turned her into a prisoner and she's sitting at home, scrubbing toilets with an LLM.
All her sisters (my mother and other aunts) are very wealthy and independent, living their best life. No man is stressing them out and even though she's the last born, they even look younger and fresher than that aunt of mine. All because they refuse to take shit from men. The ones who are still married are highly respected by their husbands because their husbands know that if they mess up, they will find their way out. My father dares not tell my mother 'don't go here', 'don't wear this' 'cook this for me' 'when you go, come back at this time.' No man will even try that with my other aunties. Them dey mad? When they are all titled women with houses scattered all over the country?
It's only in Africa that you have to be a mindless slave to be considered a good wife.
What's your business with my hairstyle or clothes? When I'm using my own hard earned money to buy my own shit? Money that I made with my own sweat? Hian! This is modern day slavery, oh!
I reject this kind of lifestyle in Jesus name!
I'd rather be single than be a slave.
WTF?
You just explained in a nutshell the kind of family your mother comes from. Your aunts are not married to men but gold diggers. You have grown to be like them, domineering and authoritative and las las you won't marry or find yourself a mumu like your aunt's. Atunu.
DeleteBikonu what is Africa? Is it the name of a country? That's how you people will be typing Africa anyhow. No wonder Sky news called the Kenyan president African President. Msheww
DeleteHa!! I came late. One of my married friends was I'll & after close of work, I followed her to the hospital. She got injections & drugs & was told to come back the following day.
ReplyDeleteActually she was preggy..
following day at the office, I asked after her health, she said she didn't use the drugs. ha!! what happened?? she said her husband told her not to use it. why?? she said he's scared the drugs may cause miscarriage simply because she had suffered a previous miscarriage but that was as a result of stress.
They're both graduates oo.. since that day, whenever she comes to be complaining about her health, I just look uninterested.
I'm not a nurse, neither am I a doctor., but common sense shows the drugs were folic acid, blood supplements & Vit. B complex.
I won't fault the man. He's scared jare.
DeleteChaiii they are illiterate graduates
DeleteNo they are not@anon 21:09,I don't use a single paracetamol through out my pregnancies cos I lost one @24weeks after being treated for malaria!!
DeleteThis husband here is just being extra careful,no matter what I felt when I'm pregnant,mine will look for other means to get me comfy but no drugs
All these losers supporting online hypocrites always lose out like the ones wey support madam celibacy who is in Atlanta to give birth from a baby daddy. Onye aghogburu ka a gbara. Dey there dey follow strangers advice up and down dey scatter ya life.
ReplyDeleteSincerely, I see nothing wrong in letting your husband know where you want to go or seeking permission from him, likewise him doing same.
ReplyDeleteI quite agree with blackberry's comment up there.
There should be a limit to everything though.
Talking about nonsense submission, I walked out of my sister's house on Monday because of one yeye argument.
ReplyDeleteHer friend who just came back from acquiring a PhD in China married a guy with B.sc. So I met her in my sisters place and after she left I asked my sis why she didn't drive her car. She was attending a conference in my sisters town. So my sis said her husband is with the car( a jeep she bought with her money oo). My sister was on and on about how her friend said she wants to proof to the world that a PhD woman can be submissive to a Bsc guy. I asked is that why she had to use commercial vehicle and come down for the conference in another town while the husband who could have simply boarded a bike to work or better still drop her at the conference is now the one driving about town with her car? She said yes that it's all about submissiveness.
I was livid mehn...I simply told her to help me tell her to live her life and forget society. If she's originally humble then so be it, but not because she has PhD married to Bsc and wants to form emergency submission for marriage.
Is it submissivenes or stupidity? That man is wicked and does not even love the woman
Delete👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
DeleteYeye dey smell.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you people marry in the name of husbands.
On the days I like I tell you where I'm going if he's not home so he can get back home on time to be with the kids.
Take permission to go out say wetin happen. And why will he say I should not go to where I want to go. I don't ask for permission, I simply say where I'm going if I will stay longer so he can be with the kids.
My dear, I tire.
DeleteI went to visit my friend sometime ago and she asked why hubby didn't come with me and I told her he annoyed me that was why I left him at home. Her next statement shocked me.
She said when she gets married she can't get angry with her hubby. I was like really? She said no matter who is wrong she will apologise.
I could not utter a word.
Are you minding them?
DeleteAwon husband is a trophy. Most girls didn't discover themselves before getting married.
Sone people get shocked when they see that I still use my maiden name officially, husband doesn't complain, but they think it is not being submissive
I live in a developed country, marriage is two way traffic, everyone brings something to the table, not slave mentality.
Lots of Time, I tell him what in going to do for the sake of him being aware and not necessarily to take permission from him or not. Should I stop living because I now have a husband?? Na mehn. Thank God I married a free spirited being sha. He allows me do whatever I want at my own pace. No struggle
ReplyDelete*Quite interesting...👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽*
ReplyDelete*Some wash their husband's clothes and it works for them. Others don't and amazingly it works for them too.*
*Some cook for their husband and it works for them. others don't and shockingly, it works for them.*
*Some are full time house wife and it works perfectly for them. others are not and trust me, it also works for them.*
*Some know their husband cheats and it works for them. others don't know and don't want to know and it works for them.*
*Some contribute to the upkeep of their home and it works for them, others don't and it also works for them.*
*Some are in distance relationship and it works for them, others are in a close relationship and it works for them.*
*Some sleep in the same room and it works for them, others don't and amazingly it works for them.*
*Every relationship works and will only work if everybody understands that no two marriages are the same, no two individuals are exactly the same, and no two situations are exactly the same.*
*Even when the situations are the same, the individuals are not and even if the individuals are the same, the circumstances surrounding those marriages are not the same.*
*We come online daily and read tons of articles about what people do in their marriage, the one that don't wash is calling the one that Washes a slave, the one that washes is calling the one that don't wash bad marriage (wife) material.*
*One of the major destruction to 21st century marriage is social media counselors, articles, posts and testimonies.*
*What works for you? How sure are you that the person you are copying is happy?*
*My dear, you are not mad, you are not a slave, you are not rude for seeking happiness.*
*One of your major goal is to seek happiness and peace of mind in your marriage, it can only be gotten if you understand that even if your name Is Amaka married to Emeka, you are not the same as Your Amaka neighbor that her husband also bears Emeka. You guys are different and unique in your own ways.*
*Please while you read things online. Please know what works for you. It might sound stupid to others but provided you have peace of mind and you are happy, please stick to it.*
*Everybody have their own shares of challenges that comes with marriage and everyone has their different approach to it. If you must copy, know what you are copying, know who you married, know you are different.*
*Your marriage is not second hand, fake or outdated because you are not doing what people online says they are doing. How sure are you that they are doing it? Some will tell you to quit but they have been enduring for years even when theirs is worst than yours.*
*Please have a mind of your own, know you are different and seek for peace of mind and happiness in your marriage. It all depends on what works for you.*
*#copied*
Thanks article is complete
Delete👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
DeleteI miss you here.
DeleteAssin👌👌
DeleteSo I should not tell my husband where am going because it makes me look less of a woman?this all depends on the man you marry,u better know yourselfs before you commit!!
Wow wow
ReplyDeleteTriumphant you nailed it with this article. I wish all married women can read and digest this.