STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
FAKE LIAR IN LOVE WITH EMPLOYEE
Our dear Stella,
Let me table this matter before the chronicle family and read what they'd have to say. Please BVs don't be offended by my mail. Can we ever hear enough on issues concerning the heart?
I have this guy I met through his late sister (I don't know her) on this blog from a post. We went out trice while I was yet in town. I didn't like him. He is this class of guys who knowns too much or just enough of everything.
Our dear Stella,
Let me table this matter before the chronicle family and read what they'd have to say. Please BVs don't be offended by my mail. Can we ever hear enough on issues concerning the heart?
I have this guy I met through his late sister (I don't know her) on this blog from a post. We went out trice while I was yet in town. I didn't like him. He is this class of guys who knowns too much or just enough of everything.
Their type scares me. He is likable and sometimes very assuming. I paused the intensity, so we remained friends because he happens to be a great Conversationist.
Which he wasn't at the beginning. In fact, I lost count of the number of times we blocked each other on whatsapp (Nigeria number) and BBM. We've been friends for four years plus now. Out of which he has been working for me, for two and half years. He was jobless when I got to know him.
From our conversations, I noticed he is vast. So it happened that I sought his opinion on a business idea, which after deliberations, I encouraged him to help in managing the startup while I supervise the finance. Since he came up with a graphical idea on how profitable the business could become, if well steered and managed well. Instead of him still job hunting. He was surprise and has been a good resource till date. I pay him well and on time too.
As of today, I have fallen in love with him. But I don't know how to address it with him. One of the problem is that I turned him down twice, at the early part of our friendship. And had lied severally to him about my person. I don't know how to start unbundling these lies.
As of today, I have fallen in love with him. But I don't know how to address it with him. One of the problem is that I turned him down twice, at the early part of our friendship. And had lied severally to him about my person. I don't know how to start unbundling these lies.
I made him understand I am married, when he asked me out. While I have never been married. Most people think we are dating. I also told him we (I and my supposed hubby), are based in PH. Whereas, I reside in New York. To him, we are age mates. In truth, I'm older by three years. The business he manages to his understanding belongs to I and my husband, but it is wholely mine. The premises, the office is in Yaba unknowingly to him, is mine but the rent is paid via the business.
To add salt to this cut, is another looming headache. My first cousin recently told me, that the parents of another cousin of ours, has been encouraging their first daughter (she manages something else for me in Abuja) to get close to this my friend. But I have grown too fond of him, over the years of working for me. That I don't think letting go will be easy.
To add salt to this cut, is another looming headache. My first cousin recently told me, that the parents of another cousin of ours, has been encouraging their first daughter (she manages something else for me in Abuja) to get close to this my friend. But I have grown too fond of him, over the years of working for me. That I don't think letting go will be easy.
He comes in contact with some of my cousins in the line of his job.This female cousin of mine could be months older than him or age mates. Our respect is civil. He had confessed to my male cousin (he fronted regularly as my husband then when we started our friendship, before even being under my employ), jokingly that had I been single he'd ask for my hand in marriage. Even with my daughter, yes I have a 5yr old daughter.
What do I do and how best should I handle it. I fear most of my lies will come to the open. If this my cousin gets her way round him. Please bear with my English, but advice generously.
What do I do and how best should I handle it. I fear most of my lies will come to the open. If this my cousin gets her way round him. Please bear with my English, but advice generously.
*Madam there is nothing inside this nau,call him up on the phone and have a conversation with him before it is too late....At least what you are about to do is a good confession...Do it before he hooks up with someone else or even your cousin..You turned from no material to husband material and you want to let silly lies block the way....
My dear since you have feelings for him and have blocked the way with your lies,please untell the lies as soon as you read this.....*tongue click*
Nawa ooo
ReplyDeleteCall him and tell him the truth!
DeleteNo biggie....tell him the truth. I married my husband at 35 he was 32....we are 14 years in marriage and still counting....my only advise is don’t force it cos 7 don’t know his mind concerning an older woman...it was my hubby who did all the chasing, he even knew my age from the beginning and hid his from me. I just assumed for him asking me out he was my age mate or older...by the time I found out I was already slain in love...lol...my advise is tell him the truth, how u feel etc. then let him set the pace make e no be like say na u dey force am..
DeleteLet me quote you: He is this class of guys who knowns too much or just enough of everything.
DeleteTheir type scares me"..
Aunty, you r probably the dull kind of women I wouldnt like to meet, no matter your beauty. Your type can't have a decent conversation that is intellectual. Your type could be just the IG type of girls. Adding nothing to the development of a man.
Like I usually tell myself, better to talk and be disappointed or it works than not saying anything And be regretful. You have nothing to loose. If he truly loves you, he would forgive and you would start on a clean slate.
DeleteQuick question though: I hope the mention of your cousin being interested in him is not what triggered you not losing him?
Na real wa. I agree with Stella. However I foresee an ISH in that he works for you, not with you, coupled with all the lies you told which will undermine trust. So like Stellz said, come clean, but first decide what role he will now play in your life and buisness. If he is on board after you come clean, don't rush the relationship, but give it time to observe things. Pray. I am sure you were worried about being valued for your wealth and not your person, which is valid. All the best dear. I need a job too in case you have any slots, lol. Meanwhile if he is a BV, he might get to read your chronicle.
Delete@Anonymous 15:31
DeleteThe dull type of woman that employs the intellectually sound n know it all type of guys... Me I like ooo
Na them even Dy Rush her oo
15:31 Wee you keep kwayet???!! "Dull type of woman yen yen yen.... " Me who is the type that knows a bit of everything, am I not the one all of you line up to call ITK?? If she is dull, at least she is wise enough to hire smart people and pay them. Na so una dey jump into conclusion anyhow.
DeleteImagine this one saying "Your type cant have decent conversation...." Well your own type should be extinct or extinguished like bad fire.
15:29 You’ were 22 and he was 18? Or you meant to type 4 years in marriage?
Delete😂😂😂😂 chikito have finally kee somebody!!! Lmao!!!!
Delete@ Kiks I wonder if some of you guys read with the back of your anus.She said married past tense when he was 32yrs and she 35yrs.Add 14years to their individual age.That is their current age.
DeleteYou can call him and just let him know you are not married and the business is for you.Do not let him know you own the building. Still let him believe the business space is rented.Do not ask him out.Allow him play that part.
DeleteDont call him. Send him a link to this post
DeleteHe might have a girlfriend already. If you tell him all this now, because he doesnt want to lose his job, he will definitely give you positive vibes and probably break your heart in future. However, you have known him for 4 years and he has a crush on you...so it could work. It's 50-50.
DeleteIf you knew him when he was broke and money is coming from you, he will definitely fall in love with you. Gold diggerz are everywhere. Plenty on this blog too
Though this is a small matter, onlyGod can help u cos:
Delete1) if the guy fall for you, some will call him gold digger
2) if he does not play along, u will begin to hate him and the business will start crumbling
3) if he goes for your cousin, the wahala no be here
4) if you guys come together, then the business must be remodeled to accommodate you both as owners; are you prepared to aceed to that ?
5) you won't be a boss any longer, u will become a supporting partner.
I can't type plenty Jare. It takes two to tango Jare
#hadeyhalaba
Forget all the lies and everything . Squash that feeling! how do you marry someone who you pay?? Ewww!
DeleteJust tell him you're never married and you're feeling lonely, stand from how you've been lonely but never tell him yet that the office is yours, until much more later that's if it's compulsory to tell him sef
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Gbam. You can untell all other lies except the business part. Don't tell him the business belong to you, infact just fashi the guy but if he still asks you out, you can open up but if he doesn't just fashi him.
DeleteWhy do I get the feeling the guy already knows all of this? You said he’s the type that knows too much. You also said he’s in contact/ conversations with two of your cousins. And you think something wouldn’t have slipped out by now? Especially from the cousin who’s also interested in him. She might have even told him everything to discourage him and make sure you’re not a rival once she noticed the guy kinda liked you. Me I feel he already knew it at least he knows now that you’ve sent this here. I also hope you’re not suddenly hot and bothered about him because you don’t want your lil cousin marrying before you. This is in no way a shade or dig at your age and marital status because I also got married at almost 36, but you need to honestly ask yourself some questions to avoid chronicles in the future. By the way, my husband too is 3yrs younger and I almost didn’t date him but he persisted. In your case, you’re his boss and he doesn’t know you’re older. Make sure he’s fine with those before you proceed because he could still date you but only because your financial status and his job. It’s such a risk to date a man you’re richer than talkless of marrying especially in Nigeria. Also make sure You are interested for the right reasons too. Best of luck dear.
DeleteThe same reason why you did not like him at the begining of this friendship, will be why a relationship will fail. Look elsewhere my dear......
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way too. I also feel she is now liking him because it looks like he will soon be someone else’s romantically. I may be wrong though.
DeleteBoth of you are right jare...madam face front you hear...it because your he's about moving on with your cousin that is why you are feeling this way. The day that guy becomes your lover things will turn sour...just know that. He is your employee, leave it there. Another man will find you.
DeleteUnbundle your lies before him before your cousin enter oo.
ReplyDeleteIf you love him like you said tell him at once during dinner
Just let him know all the truth asap before he gets hooked by another
ReplyDeleteTwo things
ReplyDelete1) Before you say the truth is he worth it? Do you really know him?
I mean this guy has an idea of your finances even though he doesn't have an idea of your net worth so he could dupe you if he finds out that you are not based in Naija.Be sure he is pure before he love scams you just to have a hold of your funds and property.For now he thinks he is your employee,wait till love enters and he automatically becomes share holder.
2) Can he handle the truth? Especially being that you are three years older than him.So here we go again,don't be love scammed and he runs away with a younger lover.
I might be wrong,this guy might be your angel,this guy could be your Mr.right and if God wills for it to work out for you ,i wish you the best.
This post is not as easy as it sounds so i will advice you jokingly ask him " If i wasn't married and three years older than you can you marry me? " He should give you reasons too if in the affirmative then thats a good time for you to say "What if i tell you i'm single and three years older than you" If he laughs it off,then continue shooting your shot.
Well said. Poster look well before you leap. Why not look elsewhere
DeleteBest advise ever, try this with him in a heart to heart dinner and see his expressions. From there you will be able to know if he is for real or after your money.
DeleteI have written something below but you make a lot of sense too. However, I will say she should tow this your path to make him fall in fall for her and aks her those questions without spilling all the beans immediately. This will encourage the guy to bouce back as a man. But she should make sure she does not propose, let him be strong enough to propose, every other thing can follow.
DeleteListen, you haven't done anything wrong. Exposing yourself to s stranger is a no no for me. Just tell him you told him all these at the beginning because you didn't know the relationship was gonna get to this stage. Now you've known him well and you like him a lot, you are ready to bare it all to him. Any sensible man should have a any issue with it.
ReplyDeleteShe hasnt done anything wrong? If its a man you'd say run away abi? That he has more lies hidden
DeleteIf it was a man that told the above lie, he still has not done anything wrong.
DeleteI see no issue here. Give him a midnight call or whatsApp chat today. Open up to him. Start by appreciating him for being there for you. For his efforts in managing the company well. Ask him if he has someone in his life he intends to marry. From his response. Take the lead.
ReplyDeleteLet him go please. This type of things never end well. You are feeling like this because he is about to hook up with somebody else. Let him go and find somebody separate and apart from he lies. Plus he might just see yet another opportunity to take advantage of a single mom. Don't pursue this further. I am talking from experience. 4 years is a long time and you guys already have an established friendship. You do not love him, you are only scared that there would be nobody after you if he hooks up with your cousin. Concentrate on other things and get somebody different.
ReplyDeleteVery true
DeleteWomen and their stupid mentality. You dont want him now he is about to have someone else now you want him.... Look else where moron
ReplyDeleteSwallow your pride. Send him this link. Something like " I have something to tell you "followed by this link.
ReplyDeleteIt's Ok to be scared (You have the money and don't I want to be loved for it) but gurl be honest you love this guy. You've been with him for some time. You know if he is wasteful, stringy, useless and from what you wrote up there, He isn't!
Go for it/Him! 😉
And ermmmmm please sack him after the confession and make him a partner with certain percent share. Even if you guys date or not.
DeletePoster i would advice you let him be since you already lied to him on several occasions.
ReplyDeleteImagine the scenario you spill the beans and you start dating him,he will only see you as a liar and the trust won't be there even with your plenty money and connections.
Tell him the truth but don't initiate a romantic relationship
#Mythoughtstho.
You should call him up. I mean a one on one meeting and tell him the truth. But please omit some of your financial worth. Because some guys who love you for nothing might change after finding out your net worth. Be wise. Money changes people.
ReplyDeleteTell him the truth and if God wills, you guys can start from there... Just be careful and allow things flow naturally... I mean, let him make the first move and not the other way round
ReplyDeleteIt's that time of the year again ... To vote @stelladimokokorkus as BLOGGER OF THE YEAR text sma18 stella to 33352
ReplyDeleteI have voted
DeleteMadam it's simple na, do your confession asap. If he doesn't still want you after confessing then let him be, his loss probably.
ReplyDeleteTell him the truth minus your net worth, he should never know the building is yours. I repet! he should never know the building is yours. Just give him this story and ask him what he thinks, give your opinion and let him give his, after that, you will know how he feels and then you can come clean on some things o. Men are scum o
ReplyDeleteYou're right, men are scum and women are liars. Just imagine if it is man that did all these things and the woman sends this chronicle, this time around, complaining about the lies from her man.
DeleteAnonymous 17:30 Even if this poster was a Male, i will still advise him to tell her others excluding he, being the owner of the building and business.
DeleteJust start by asking him about is love life. If he says he is seeing someone, please don't tell him. But if he says he has no one, u can start by telling him that u lie about ur marital status, that u r not married that u were not ready for a relationship then, that was y u told him otherwise. I think that's d only thing he needs to know first. About d age, leave it, about ur worth still leave it. With time he will get to know those ones.
ReplyDeleteTruth can travel on a journey of twenty years but one day , it would resurface to glare at you. Always, be truthful nobody will beat you for saying the truth. Since, you have fallen in love and you want the relationship to sail, call him and confess the truth. But take it one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteDon't tell him you own the office and your net worth
ReplyDeleteMen are liars and scum
ReplyDeleteYes, even after reading that it was the woman that lied. The problem is always the men. May you be healed IJN
DeleteYou met him in this blog?
ReplyDeleteShuoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
The guy don jack the whole lies na
So na to cover ya face and smile sheepishly and call him
And make im pay dowry before you open legs ooo!
..most times our 1st instincts are right. You didnt feel the connection, its just fear of being single forever that is doing you.... if this cousin didnt turn up, you'd still be seeing him like boy-boy...
ReplyDeleteSome ppl are better as friends
Some are better as husbands
Some are better for just sex n spending their money....
Dont carry fuckboy and turn him to husband cus of his dick game.
Or u carry business partner n turn to your friend or husband. Just tell him the truth and leave it at that..
Well sha, whatever you decide to do, better not sleep who him till he properly marries you. That's if the relationship leads to marriage. Sex has a way of making women stupid
ReplyDeleteDear poster before confessing to him, make sure you ask him if he is in a relationship, if he is not then you can go ahead with your confession. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteI think you need to find out first if he is single. You didn't mention that anywhere. Also, ensure you develop an advanced friendship before you disclose your location. Good luck
ReplyDeleteNot easy but not complex either if handled well.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing now is dont deceive yourself, others may deceive you.
Are you sure you are not just jealous of your cousin that is getting closer? If not, my advice below can help you:
1. Begin to show him love by your attitude and expression but (dont propose or tell him you love first, however, use women tactics and gimmicks); most men, if not all men, can be swept off their feet with a genuine love. Ask him about his relationship status and why he forgot about you, bring back the old flames and good old days. He still loves you.
2. Watch him very well during this period if he will fall for you ( with all your lies still in tact, dont reveal the truth yet), if he falls in love with you, the third step can follow.
3. Since has fallen in love now, eg by confessing his love for you or by making attempt to buy you gifts ( despite you having more than him), or by trying to see you to make moves towards you, etc; you can seize such moment to ( while that thing is still going on) to tell him he has been under a test all these while. Tell him he has paased your exam and you are ready to tell him the truth. And that you have always been in love but you just want to test him.
4. Have a different plan for him eg the business becomes family business meaning both of you own it. You may establish another business of his own for him plus whatever he has saved. You may ask him to bring some money and you add youw own to start a bigger business for him.
5. Begin the process of making the two of you live together either here or there, if you are separated by distance, you have given room for another lady in his life or financial impropriety.
6. Dont reveal all the truths at once. Start from few ones like your marital status; tell him the truth to draw him closer and build his confidence. Dont mention your age on time until you ask him if he can date an older lady but tell him later when you are sure of his love and committments, dont tell him all the properties you own until you are sure of his integrity.
You have a good guy but you were egoistic at the beginning. We are all human beings, so you are forgiven. LOL.
He loves you but he comes from a poor background.
Poster don’t rush it, take it slowly, do not give that guy all the details about you, you can playfully or give him gist about a friend of yours who has a case like yours and ask him for his opinion on that issue, from his response you will know the answer you seek from us. Make sure he does not know about the building and the real owner of the company, with time if you truly trust him, then you can tell him all.
ReplyDeleteMen are scams, once they know your worth they will deal with you, if I were you I will just leave my cousin to be with him, while I face my front and get a white man to be with, this our Naija guys are not loyal at all, speaking out of experience, he could pretend and marry you, then his true colors will show
Get a grip of yourself woman!
ReplyDeleteLike for real you are actually contemplating dating him. Don't indulge that "loneliness and entitlement-driven" infatuation hon.
Yes, you see prospects in him, he has grown to be a valuable asset to your business. He has professed interest in you previously and you for your best reasons refused. Not just refused, but took pains to build walls and make a relationship impossible with "necessary lies".
My questions for you are,
what mental state were you in at that initial time?
What were you looking out for in a man? What was it that spooked you so much you had to fake a husband and lie about your job?
What were the issues making you two block and unblock each other?
What sort of mismatched intensity /incompatibility vibes had you saying NO NO NO NO?
Has this guy stopped being how he used to or he has evolved enough to fit into the man you can have?
Would you have said yes to him if he approached you the way he is now in the beginning?
At what point did he become a possible catch for you?
What is your emotional state currently? Are you lonely, scared, jealous or probably find safety in his familiarity? Do you feel like you have done some work on him and would not just sit back to have someone else "reap off your hard work"? Are you terrified at the thought of being alone and him making a life with a relative, with all playing out with you close by?
Can you trust him not to dominate or belittle you when you crown him your king?
Is he the listening type with a teachable spirit to at least make his ITK attitude tolerable?
Have you sought God's will concerning him if you are the spiritual type?
Sincerely answer these questions, you alone can advise yourself in this situation It's all going to be your choice and life.
If you were my sister, I would say NO, it doesn't look good at all. All 10 paragraphs, no areas of compatibility or attraction exposed. Just your initial irritation turning him down, his valuable contribution to your business and boom feelings ... Especially since interested single cousin is hovering around. Watch it girl!
Poster I had to count the questions here. Its about 15. Please consider any decision you'll make from this counsel. Thanks
DeleteI wish you luck.
ReplyDeleteI won't lie, you gotta tell him how you feel.Not on text but on the phone or when you meet him
ReplyDeletePls I am begging You, don't go ahead with whatever plans you have to make your feelings known to him. Let him go, you will regret this much later and you will come back here to write a more painful chronicle. I know you won't take to the advice of all the ppl that says you shouldn't go ahead, I hope and pray you do. Don't allow a fake love to destroy all what you have worked for. You are about to loose everything. Let them hook him up with your cousin.
ReplyDeleteDont do it. Dont just do it. Im planning to leave this woman now , her case was just like yours, had no choice but to play along. We men already see beyond what u ladies are thinking!
ReplyDelete