STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
REPENTANT CHEATER
Stella I need your advise and that I BVs.
I knew something was going on between them and I was always against their friendship but he always made it look like I was just making a fuss over nothing.
I have lost all trust in him and in our marriage, I feel broken, spent, drained.
He claims it was after I quit my job that it was the strain of baring the responsibilities all alone that made him start confiding in her. I quit my job to start a business, my colleagues who stayed back got sacked few months later!
Now hes all over me, he confessed everything that happened with her and claims it was huge mistake that hes a changed person. But I cant help it, I hate him for all he put me through.
Stella I need your advise and that I BVs.
I sent a chronicle years ago about my how my husband broke his phone screen in a desperate move to hide something from me. Recently he admitted that he had an affair with the lady he was chatting with and that's why he broke his phone because he didnt want me to see it.
I knew something was going on between them and I was always against their friendship but he always made it look like I was just making a fuss over nothing.
This woman is married with 2 kids. They've been friends for a long time and he claims the affair was a mistake and they are back to being just friends.
I have lost all trust in him and in our marriage, I feel broken, spent, drained.
He claims it was after I quit my job that it was the strain of baring the responsibilities all alone that made him start confiding in her. I quit my job to start a business, my colleagues who stayed back got sacked few months later!
My husband didnt allow my business to grow before his cheating drama made me lose hope in it. Mind you hes not broke, we lived off his income for 4years before we relocated out of Nigeria.
Now hes all over me, he confessed everything that happened with her and claims it was huge mistake that hes a changed person. But I cant help it, I hate him for all he put me through.
I needed emotional support with my growing business but he just wasnt there for me. And I wonder, what if I lose my job, Will the change be reversed? How does one forgive a cheating spouse? He did some drama, cried etc but I'm not convinced in my heart. I love him deeply and God has been good to us.
In less than a year that we located to North America, we have bought a house in a prime location and have a strong family income. But will I have a panic attack whenever he has to go to naija? How does one move on from this?
*spent?broken?drained?So much Negative energy and stress over past events?over a man albeit he is your hubby?Abeg move on...if he decides to cheat again,its his headache not yours...Make yourself happy,find what to do and kick him out of that house if he doesnt stop cheating!!!
He is remorseful and has apologised. There should be a space on your heart for a second chance especially since he has faulted himself. Finfit in your heart to forgive him and gradually build the trust back. It is hard but it can happen.
ReplyDeletePoster just try and forgive him, it's not easy but please try.
DeleteMa'am,
DeleteU didn't tell us the situation that led to his confession. If actually he just came to confess just like that, then there is more to his confession. Also his excuse isn't tenable as you have clearly stated that his income is more than enough to sustain the family.
Forgive him while you can, put yourself back in business and this time, make sure nothing distract you and succeed at it. That is your ASSURANCE.
I wish you happiness.
#hadeyhalaba
Kick who out??? pls don't kick him out o, just make sure he suffers the consequences of his actions welllll. He seems sincerely sorry from what you have said up there. You people have children she cant just kick him out Stella.
DeleteFirst off he needs to break ALL CONTACT with that s0-called friends. Give him the ultimatum that they cant even be hi hi friends, all contacts OFF.
Then call the stupid woman and warn her, you don't need to fight her dear. You need to talk and let it be known any further contact with your hubby you will disgrace her to her hubby and hubbys family, get information about her husbands ppl so she knows your threats aint empty.
Then be on high alert and NEVER trust this man, just be the best mother you can be, enjoy your friends company and have a life outside him.
Madam
DeleteThe man finally managed to relocate you out of this shit hole and you suddenly find it hard to forgive? It takes a lot for a man to own up to his wrong doings and he just did with apologies.
Sha don deport him one day with such unforgiving in ur heart.
Are u the breadwinner now? Thst could explain the sudden love. Thread with caution
DeleteMadam thank god you now live in america. If he continues cheating, kick him out of ge house and balance their well with your children. Oyibo police will help drive him far away from the house
DeleteThumbs up Stella!! Confessed, cried,. Drama,.?? Hmmmm there's more to this story. Madam , your husband wants to let you know that THERE IS A LOVE CHILD. Becareful
DeleteHe is remorseful and has apologised. There should be a space on your heart for a second chance especially since he has faulted himself. Find it in your heart to forgive him and gradually build the trust back. It is hard but it can happen.
ReplyDeleteIndeed...Men are scum.
ReplyDelete😎😎
DeleteAnd women indeed are scum eaters that cannot do without scum.
DeleteScum has no gender
DeleteWomen are cum eaters...
DeleteSky Ogini! Heheheheheh
DeleteMen and women are SCUM.
Delete"Men and women are SCUM"
DeleteSimple
Stella, , , this ur red pen get as d thing be ooooooo....please dont kick him out bikonu
ReplyDeleteLet the married ones step into this ...me love to learn cuz soon...hmmmmm
Ⓜc pinky
Let the ‘all men cheat’ brigade come out and stunt on this chronicle.
ReplyDeleteMadam, he has begged and whether it’s genuine or not it’s now left for you to forgive and move on or continue to let it weigh you down. Mind you if you die from over thinking he’d still move on to the next available woman.
I always preach communication in relationships because I don’t think a lot of us do this. Did you let him know how you felt when he neglected you when you started your business? Was he supposed to read your mind that you needed his support even though it should have come naturally to him.
I would ask that you both revisit this issue and settle it by stating that you wouldn’t take it likely if it reoccurs and let him know you are available to be spoken to on issues that bother him since he claims you weren’t there to talk to when he needed it. Also ask him that you don’t want him remaining friends with this woman, what does he mean by ‘they are back to being just friends?’ It’s a big lie from the pit of hell and once opportunity comes again they’d do it over and over again.
Dear Doppelganger, it's not always so. Some men avoid every attempt their wives make to communicate with them.
Delete18:51, louder!!!!!! And they do this deliberately
Deletekick who out of which house? Stella respect yourself there. poster, forgive ur husband and continue to love him regardless. Men will always cheat, always have that at the back of your mind.
ReplyDeleteIdiot! She will kick him out if he ever cheats on her. Continue consoling your self with that wa k line that men will always cheat.
DeleteYou know whenever he visits naija without u, he will bang, abi u have supersonic eyes? Enjoy him while he'd with u, don't give ursef bp over a smart don Juan. Love itself n guard ur heart jealously, if u like loose sleep over man, OYO.
ReplyDeleteGirl, he will cheat again. They don't change. He is just on break,but why is he still friends with the woman though? Don't show him too much love. Act like u dont care. Don't ask him questions like where are u coming from, who are u chatting with and all again...I understand how u feel...it really hurts, and it hard to firgive and forget.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence in your 6th paragraph though. What an excuse!
ReplyDeleteSince he has apologised, forgive him but be wise. And don't allow what has not happened yet bother you so much this one you're concerned about his coming to naija alone. If he wants to cheat, he'll still cheat so don't even give yourself that headache now.
Keep being there for your kids, do your job/business and you'll be alright.
-Forgiven but not forgotten
ReplyDelete-Trust Issues
The above listed are your problems..
You have to live your life free of worry of his cheating ways for your peace of mind.You can't do much if he continues to cheat.Best bet will be for you to pray that the HolySpirit helps him change genuinely.
Looks like you want someone to encourage you to leave him well i'm team make it work and if it doesn't then walk..
Try to make it work sis,you are still broken and are yet to let go of the hurt.
I really want to believe that he's changed except you recently became suspicious of him in that case confront him and take it from their else stop worrying and enjoy your marriage.
@ prettyjene, what do u mean by " Stella respect yourself there" it sounds really rude, next time state your opinion without sounding that way
ReplyDeleteAnon you're the one sounding rude here
DeleteOK I don't understand all these. Drained because of a your husband? My dear forgive him if you can,live your beautiful life and let love lead.
ReplyDeletePoster please forgive your husband since he opened his mouth to confess to you.
ReplyDeleteTry and forgive him but don't let down your guard, know that anytime he MAY still cheat, so you won't be surprised. Anyway find something that makes you happy and do it, don't show him too much care and attention, just act normal and make yourself happy.
ReplyDeleteBy the way why is he still friends with the woman? I hope okafor's law doesn't enter their friendship
Dear Poster, Make a decision to be happy irrespective of what your Husband does or doesn't do. Ask The Holy Spirit to fill your heart with love and joy. Then FORGIVE him. Yes you can.
ReplyDeleteHe might be hypocritical about his repentance, but it doesn't matter. When you forgive him, you loose yourself from the bondage of bitterness, unhappiness and stress. You become FREE.
Keep thinking happy thoughts and avoid suspicion. Pray for him as well. Life is too beautiful to spend it being bitter. God has elevated your family and moved you out of this "BUHARIC" country.
BE HAPPY JOOR!
Cheers..
The most painful part is that he cheated with a married woman with 2 kids.
ReplyDeleteSo his excuse is not that your vee was too wide or your boobs are slacked.
Girl he betrayed you, your best comeback is money!
You see that your anger, channel it to making money, never have a broke moment again.
Hope you are not doing joint income rubbish. Any man that has the mind to cheat on you with a married mother of two can easily marry another wife in Nigeria. Girl buckle up and invest! You can chose to forgive but never forget.
Match him dollar for dollar, cent for cent. The hurt will ebb away over time, but the trust is gone unfortunately.
Forgive him. But just know he will still cheat. Don’t overthink yourself please.
ReplyDeleteAnd oh! be prepared to find out he is still gbenshing that woman. Back to being friends you said? ok!
ReplyDeleteIt takes a strong man to confess his deeds, and some women are shameless in playing the emotional game just to get into a man knickers. He has asked for forgiveness it is up to you do you want to make a home or want to live in the past.
ReplyDeleteGod has blessed you and some women are jealous of that - Safeguard your home. Nobody cheats with a broke man except they are broken!
I am a woman writing this.
There is no action of this man that depicts strength! None at all!
DeleteHe fucked another man's wife and admitted to it when cornered, what is his strength again? Its even more pitiable that a woman is the one dropping this comment. Girl I weep for you. Pick up your esteem from the floor please.
Strong man ke??? My husband will confess and cry, roll on the ground the continue gbenshing. Which strength??
DeleteApologise? Changed? My ex will even be the one to openly confess to you! Without you finding out oh! Tell you how it started, kneel down cry and ask for you and God to forgive him! Few months down the line, there will be a repeat of the charade. I just got tired of the ish. Mschew.
ReplyDeleteyour husband cheated on you with a long time friend of his hmmmmm the connection between them is very strong such relationship hardly end it takes serious decision and self discipline to end it, just take heart and build your heart in such a way that you cannot be moved with his dirty lifestyle just build your yourself and focus on your life kids (if any) and achievements
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is "It is well" The woman in question is too far from you. HBP is real.
ReplyDeleteForgive him and move on, he is your husband and he is remorseful so let it go
ReplyDeleteMy dear, make yourself happy, forgive him but be at alert incase he wants to start again. I actually don't believe that men change. Because somehow, they enjoy cheating. Just focus on building your business and your children.
ReplyDeleteForgive him okay, dunno why men feel it's okay to cheat but not okay to be cheated on. If you were the one now we would have heard plenty reasons why he can't forgive and move on.
ReplyDeletePlease vote @stelladimokokorkus as BLOGGER OF THE YEAR by texting sma18 stella to 33352
Be good to yourself because a man will always look for every reason to cheat just to satisfy his rod of Aaron. Love yourself, keep loving yourself, don't stop loving yourself because that is the only reason to draw relevance to your existence and even if you don't forgive him, God will definitely will and even bless him more than ever so why don't you live past it... anyway keep wallowing in self pity am going for my aerobics care to join me?
ReplyDeleteSome of these advisers should fear God! “ act like you don’t care”, don’t show him any emotions, etc. Those are marriage killing advice! Are these advisers married? Marriage is for better for worse. My only concern is being a close friend to a married woman is wrong and take the counsel of the person that asked you to phone the woman (no personal contact), tell her to back off and 🛑 STOP all contacts with your husband otherwise you will inform hers so all four of you can be aware. Let your husband 🛑 all contacts with her as well.
ReplyDeleteI’m pretty sure some of the commenters are the ones who arrange meetings on Facebook with other people’s husbands. I never had a FB account and several years ago my hubby opened one and gave me the password. Then some useless woman was telling him how she hadn’t seen him since elementary school and how they could meet in Britain since she couldn’t get a visa to come to the US! Then another woman was 😲 over him even after he told both of them his wife has the same access and they should stop it. They didn’t. We both agreed to close the account. I have a friend who wasn’t that lucky. There are some women who are just sl... and if they think ( it’s in their head) the guy has money, they don’t mind doing anything. They don’t even know if the woman is the one with more money. Like someone said to me, they have “resources”, their crew of babas and beggarly evil powers. Don’t lose interest in your husband unless you never loved him. Some of the women commenting are experts in luring uninterested married men with all sorts. Do you think its normal for some men to starve their wives and kids and buy cars for girlfriends? It’s not normal.
North America is a hard place to be a successful single mother unless you have to. Don’t develop the “ kick him out” mindset as it does no good unless domestic violence is involved. The system does not help you pay the mortgage after kicking him out and if you are getting child support or alimony which varies in percentage of his income from state to state, you may also get kicked out because you can’t afford to live there even after he splits his income with you as child support and or alimony. Some guys have even figured out how to beat this and render you a pauper by resigning before the divorce. Some will set up a small business with low income declared. Be careful with advice received on public forums as a lot of people are actually ignorant of the details of the advice they are giving you. Have a talk with yourself first, if you still love him. Then sit him down. Divorce isn’t as easy as in the movies. Only family law attorneys love and profit from it. If he is violent though, kick him out and scale down! If you are still not sure, make him wear condoms anytime you are with him and let him know why. Communication is important and I have been happily married for over 2 decades and live on the continent you referred to.
He will cheat again, they have not broken up.
ReplyDeleteMadam Pls remove your mind from his cheating cos he will still cheat again & again just love yourself & kids more
ReplyDeleteYou and him should have a heart to heart talk on this, a cheating man will always cheat, I want you to remove his cheating from your mind, channel your energy on your kids and your business, try to save more money. So that in future you may decide to walk away. If he is truly sorry let him cut all communication with the woman, get the woman’s number and ask her to back off else you will also inform her husband, she cannot be enjoying her husband and still be enjoying your own husband, take your eyes off his cheating, try to see if you can trust him again.
ReplyDeleteI'll start with this very crucial advice. Please protect your health while you're still with him.
ReplyDeleteAny man that doesn't have the fear of God nor a good relationship with Christ Jesus is more than likely to cheat. Begin from there. The closer he gets to God, the less inclined he'll be to fulfill his carnal desires. Your hopes of having a faithful husband lies only in Christ.