STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DIFFICULT HUSBAND
My fellow bvs
So I have been jobless for sometime now. A church member who is a police officer offered to help me get a job as civilian staff in their office. Now my husband is saying I should not do it. That I should look for a small teaching job in the neighbourhood and do. That the distance and stress will be too much. Mind you this teaching job they pay 10k, 12k and highest 15k.
My fellow bvs
So I have been jobless for sometime now. A church member who is a police officer offered to help me get a job as civilian staff in their office. Now my husband is saying I should not do it. That I should look for a small teaching job in the neighbourhood and do. That the distance and stress will be too much. Mind you this teaching job they pay 10k, 12k and highest 15k.
I have done it before and I was so frustrated that I used to cry sometimes. No future nothing. Now I have been wanting to get a federal job, and this police civilian job would afford me the opportunity to get the connection to join one even if it is the police force. I am married for 8yrs now, no progress in my life, just moving in circles.
I quit my good company job for marriage and child birth. Now I want to do something with my life and this man is trying to frustrate me. He wants to render me useless. Is it by force to teach(slave) in private school?
He is using some women who do it in my area as example. Please is there any police officer in the house? Do they pay civilian staff well? What is the average pay? I want to know how to table his matter to his family or mine.
*Table matter to family?why do you people always take matters to family?Sometimes these family members are actually the reasons some Marriages break up....If getting the new job will cause problems in your marriage,is it not better to forget it?After all you left a good Job for the Marriage so you knew what you were signing up for...somehow!
*Table matter to family?why do you people always take matters to family?Sometimes these family members are actually the reasons some Marriages break up....If getting the new job will cause problems in your marriage,is it not better to forget it?After all you left a good Job for the Marriage so you knew what you were signing up for...somehow!
A lot of women lose their careers when they marry and this is really a pity.
Madam keep talking to your husband, he will see reason. Leave family out.
ReplyDeletePoster maybe your husband is scared of the harassment women go through in organisation. A friend's husband refused her to work in any organization because of what he see women go through in his place of work, he said the top ogas, use both married women and single ladies anyhow, they pass them to each other. I know not all women will indulge in that.
DeleteKeep talking to him. Please don't involve family.
Or you can ask him to start up a business for you.
Anon 15:06, why should she keep talking? She doesn't even have the job yet. She is here asking whether or not people that work with the police force are paid well.
DeleteDear Mrs, how can you go into an argument without even having the relevant facts? Can the man that said he will help, even really be able to help?
I would suggest starting the process of acquiring the job before even discussing anything with your husband. That way you will be able to argue efficiently and effectively.
Know what the working hours are; salary; job requirements and responsibilities etc. This will prove handy in convincing your husband.
Good luck
You just read my mind.
DeleteWorking anywhere near the police force is another form of prostitution. You must open for oga or be frustrated out.Continue to look for something better
DeletePoster if hubby is given you enough money them why work. Some men don't like their wives working bc of sexual harassment at work. Especially with force jobs.
ReplyDeleteThe sexual harassment that go on in the force department is more compared to other kinds of job, if you think taking it to your family would bring a positive result them do so. I personally love doing what makes me happy as long as I am not harming anyone, so get him to understand that you don’t feel fulfilled and you need to be happy
DeleteThank you!
DeleteThe husband dont want to talk true that its cus of sexual harrasment.. i see reasons with him. Police officers will take advantage of you not being a police & be harrassing and touching u small small in the office, you think u were frustrated at ur teaching job? wait till u start working here! And the pay is worth nothing... even the police themselves, do u think they pay them well?
"if hubby is given [sic.]you?"
DeleteI am GIVING you this piece of advice, always read before you post.
Except that ya name na same like BABEL where Baba God confuse their language
because of idolatry.
Awon English anon teacher. I salut you. English is not my papa first language biko. N this one self is typing error. Some of you are too perfect to the point that Jesus is learning work from you.
Delete@Bubul
DeleteAbeg, make you type in your papa's first language. We go read am like that.
You see as I nak my own for pidgin; you come read am abi?
So what exactly do you want her to do madam Stellz?
ReplyDeleteI understand your frustration dear but u have to see reason with your husband. Maybe he doesn't like anything relating to force...a lot of people don't.
ReplyDeleteU can tell hubby to open a business for you so as to avoid trouble in your home.
Teaching jobs pay 10k, 12k and highest 15k???
ReplyDeleteHow can?
No wonder teachers always look so hungry, tattered and wretched.
What manner of evil is this???
It is very bad. Despite the huge amount parents pay for school fees. Such a devilish place to live in.
DeleteStella, most times, it's not as easy as you think. Situation like this makes the woman depressed and loose self worth. 4years ago, I told my husband I wanted to enroll to learn a skill. He objected with so many baseless reasons. Then one day he saw a colleague of his at their LBS allumni who after their MBA program went ahead to aquire the skill and now doing well within a space of 1year.It was then he brought it up as an idea. After 4 years. One day, I snooped on his phone and saw him telling one of his friends that I wake up every morning and run around, having nothing to show for it. Lol. I laughed. Men like him, are meant to be burdened well. I don't add a kobo of my money for anything in the house. All expenses that relates to the house is from the money provided. There is no how he won't feel it. Things that I will naturally pay for like his mother's clothing, fixing generator, laundry, augmenting feeding allowance, ensuring everything runs smoothly. Now, as things spoil, I throw way my face. And by the way, my husband is lazy. Sleeps at home all day. I drop off the children, take a break from work to pick k them up and take them home only to meet him sleeping. Mtchewww poster, don't fight him oh. Don't even call family meeting unto small mater. Take up the teaching job and nag in his ears everyday about the stress, about how the money can't even pay for transportation until he sees reason with u. But then, why are you rooting for the police work without even having an idea of what it pays?Anyway,in all, save up well. Save enough to help you move on to something better. All the best.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm...ðŸ’
ReplyDeleteⓂc pinky
God bless you stella, unlike some celibrity that will advise you on one thing and do another. Best advice ever.
ReplyDelete"If getting the new job will cause problems in your marriage,is it not better to forget it?After all you left a good Job for the Marriage so you knew what you were signing up for..."
And you people are the same set of people that will chastise some when they’re husbands take undue advantage of them just because they’re fully dependent on their husbands. This one is trying to have something doing and become productive and she’s being told to chose marriage. Issokay!!
DeleteTeaching in a grassroot private schools is truely nerve wrecking seriously speaking from experience and I said grassroot because there are some standard private schools that pay,treat staff well and send them on trainings for improvement but getting jobs there is really hard and you have be patient. I've submitted CVS in schools like Inglewood,babbington,Dothan,kingsfold,Chrisland since ages and I've only gone for oral interview in Dothan but still waiting for their call till date. Even the insiders there are telling me soon why am I saying all these abeg hold that federal job tight and talk to the supreme one because,even I am waiting for God to perfect His work in my life so that I can do anywhere Belle face, I'm not waiting for no teaching jobs anymore.
ReplyDeleteMadam if you're a Christian, before tabling the matter before the family do three days midnight prayer naked and commit the issue into God's hand,tell God who owns the heart of Kings to make him change his mind concerning your decision because there's no jobs without the tedious part and there's peace of mind in Fed jobs,you can even be fortunate to get a better connection to other govt jobs from there.
Don't argue with him but make him see reasons with you on why you don't want the teaching but this.. but before anything tell God about it and see what happens
As in.... it baffles me how married women usually run here sounding confused. A very simple heart-to-heart with God will solve this matter and many more. Youve been circling for 8 years, you say? What if those 8 years were marriage and bonding years and preparation years?
DeleteI want to believe that you omitted the prayer part in this chronicle, cos if you are married without tabling some matters before God? You will just be creating unnecessary tension in your home. You want people with miserable lives to come and make you feel Oga is wicked abi? No future in Private School teaching you say?? I laugh!! There wont be a future where you can't see it madam. Let me not bother you with details, cos people like my mother started as teachers and left that sector as sought-after Principals and are now doing Edu-consult on their own terms.
Just remember that the day you left your job for marriage was the day you signed up for taking decisions that do not favour JUST YOU, but the whole family.
P.S: me sha.... i really need to know how jobs are left, for marriage - without a plan B 👀👀
God bless you chikito! btw.,you've been MIA,hope you are good?
DeleteChikito you are so on point.
DeleteWhy not tell your husband to open a business for you... At least with that, you can balance your family. This is what intending couples needs to discuss before thinking of getting married.
ReplyDeleteAnd this is so frustrating,when you don't have anything doing.
First of all, police pay their civilian staff trash! They don't even pay their officers well I worked as a civilian staff in benin being a doctor and I was paid 70k. We heard that should be the pay but the oga's at the top keep slashing the pay Cox ur salary doesn't come directly from fed govt. So ask well before you quarrel with your husband for a job that pays same or less than a private school. Other staff there were earning 7-20k
DeleteUnless you are able to convince your husband, the answer is simple. If the job is important to you than your marriage/family then go for the job, otherwise use your head. Haba! Life is not all about money. Our police that has no shame, you should be concern about sexual harrassment and how safe is their work environment, before asking if they pay higher. The job helper might soon demand sex..who knows?
ReplyDeleteIf you left your good paying job bcos you want to answer Mrs ,abeeg why are you crying wolf now? Madam abeeg face your marriage, segbo? Don't forget your husband is the head of the family and family comes first.
ReplyDeleteMaybe your husband doesn’t like police work. Taking it to his family is also somehow. Why not ask him to assist you with finances to start a business. I dislike police work, feel like the women are sometimes harrased by their male bosses.
ReplyDeleteYou left your good job for marriage? Some of you think after wedding, both you and your husband will ascend to heaven. After the wedding comes the reality of marriage, well, may God help you.
ReplyDeleteThat part got me
DeleteImagine
Na really ascend to Heaven.
DeleteQuestions they should table before each other they won't. Instead of they'll be fucking like rabbits, going through packets of postinor like wafers.
After wedding, be picking nose asking what shalai do? what shalai does?
Issokay.me I'm kuku single as cob of corn, let your fellow prison mates advise you accordingly.
You have a good home but now you want to ruin it. Some private nursery and basic schools pay as much as #100,000(please find out). If you can get a private school that pays like #30,000 + (lesson fees each kid #2,000, home tutors two child a week #10,000). Calculate the money, I bet you will take home nothing less than #100,000 (I have been there) except you are lazy yourself.
ReplyDeleteThis is going to take time. Madam dont table any matter. You need to talk to your husband calmly & in a way you can get his genuine attention & make him see your reasons, how you feel about being jobless & not having to do anything makes you feel bad.
ReplyDeleteFrom the way you sound it's like to some extent your husband is doing a good job providing the basics for you & the kids. I must say he sounds wicked for him not let you advance in career or have your own money. But then you need to thread with caution if you value your marriage & family. Don't say you haven't achieved anything in life bcoz those kids are a huge achievement too. You just need to make some money & feel alive like other successful career & business people. Pray about this issues,pray well, nothing God cannot do.
Again if this husband of yours is truly wealthy then you can ask him for capital to start a lucrative business, like own a restaurant, or boutique or foodstuff business that won't really keep you so much far from home. It is well with your marriage.
Na wah oh, I don't know what to say
ReplyDeleteDon't, I repeat don't give in to his demands.
ReplyDeleteSome of them are destiny killers.
Stand your ground grab the opportunity to better your life.
This was how my mother was doing submissive wife, and lost all her chances of being financially independent.
Got opportunity to work in the Customs father threw tantrums and made her chose BTW her job and family. She chose family.
Got another one with Immigration same thing tantrums, and heaped allegations on her and madam submissive gave up and became housewife.
He opened a clothing business for her and shifted all responsibles to her, of course business folded up.
All these happened within 15 years of marriage, and of course he doesn't hesitate to call her names 'lazy housewife'.
With Masters degree she was a housewife!
And surely he wasn't doing well for himself naaa, we were always the last to pay our school fees.
One day he got up and LEFT!
Leaving behind 4 children for a housewife to fend for.
Thank God for my mother's family that trained my sister and brothers.
All are graduates. 2 Lawyers,an Accountant and Economist.
God is truly Good.
We're not exactly where we're supposed to be, but we are certainly not down.
Don't make same mistake my mother did.
Some men have huge ego.
Keep your eyes on the goal.
Be focused.
Forget his allegations( you will certainly hear it from him once you overrule him)
Forgot his tantrums.
Be focused.
Let your success speak for you.
Don't lose your self because you are married.
Please don't!
Grab the opportunity and make a success story.
I have to comment as anonymous, I don't want pity party here.
Let those that have ears/eyes hear/read. Stories like these only have one end. Frustration.
DeleteThis one loud and you should follow it You chose marriage initially over a good job and this is where it has landed you. Insist, cajole, do anything until he sees reasons why he should allow you take up the job. Some men sha.
DeleteCastle Windsor I saw your comment where you asked after me and I was touched. I am fine thank you. I try to catch up every night and don’t get to leave comments. I also followed your story lol. Lovely read I must say. You will make it it with or without that uncle of yours.
Hmm poster if the police job is real pls go for it.This men are scum. That was how I finished sch dis one here said I shldnt look for job that he refers Biz.10yrs now biz I no see.is not as if he does anything for me o..jst don't want me to be independent. But thank God Igot a job Lst month.Thou d pay isn't much but it will go a long way.
ReplyDeleteSee poster make sure the job is real o then u plead with him.he's just insecure. Stupid men everywhere.
Dear poster, don't allow third party in your marriage, have a heart to heart talk with your husband and pray he sees reasons with you.
ReplyDeleteLady, I almost want to tell you to stand up and take the job, he will appreciate it later. This is my position but I won’t say it outrightly.
ReplyDeleteWhat I would say is, we have gone beyond my husband said or didn’t say. Tell him you will try it, if it is stressful you will stop. Right now you are relying on him, in the future he might not be there whether on purpose or not and you will wonder what you did with your life.
Speaking from experience. Social upbringing made it such that my role was to uphold the man, support the home while he thrives. Years in, we started having differences abruptly he took our money away leaving me to beg him or wait till he assigns money to me. He refused to pay my fees, all this abruptly oh. Well wishers helped me overcome but girl, never again. I worked my way to the top and standing firm even supporting him when needed. But even today, my eyes are always on surviving tomorrow on my strength. It is well. Make your bed the way you want to lie on it.
I know you are Igbo, from my journeys I have seen Yoruba women to be the strongest with supporting partners.
poster, why don't you meet other members of ur church for employment opportunities.
ReplyDeleteI so want to tell you where this will lead to. There is no way to be diplomatic about the truth of your marriage... You are married to a man who is determined to dim your light. I feel so sorry for you, firstly because you are already married to him, unaware of how deep this kind of men can be in their quest to keep you at a certain level in life and most importantly you NEED to be married... You quit your job for it, the second of many choices you made about him after skipping the danger signs. They always leave red flags during dating. Secondly you sound weak, too weak to take him up and break away from the lifetime of stagnancy and mediocrity you are likely to have being married to him, despite being married to him. You already sense what he is about, he wants to "frustrate you". Nne, it is deeper than that. This is the pattern of a man with chronic low self-esteem, zero respect for women and their capabilities and innate deep wickedness to control a woman by placing a bar on her earnings/economic prowess.
ReplyDeletePlan A is get you unemployed or get a very sub-par job with enormous nagging, tantrums, insults and more. Will cheat on you even because "you are so busy and can't attend to his needs". Will guilt trip you and throw up every manipulative and mind control skill at you.
Plan B, pretend to accept your job if you are stubborn enough to get a job... Then burden you with pregnancies back to back, push many needs at home to you break you physically and ravish your pockets till you dump the job to his delight.
Plan C, bad mouth you to everyone, cook up cheating tales or "feminist" tales in the way daft people understand feminism. Paint himself as the perfect good man and act it while showing you advanced pepper at home. Break your spirit and fool you till you believe quitting your job will stop all abuse or handing him all your salary. Then you compromise till no boundary exists, then you will be punished for daring to advance yourself, to get power by earning money and you break down, a defeated woman or develop HBP, resemble someone that dog ate and regurgitated or even die from regrets and stress.
Newsflash :If you die, he will likely marry a wild cat and be a Saint to her, and do everything he never did for you for her. This pattern is absolutely familiar.
Okay, away from the gloomy picture painted above... What can you do? I hope you are angry enough to see you exist first before marriage and not just dumbly rejecting everything.
Unfortunately you didn't state the number of children you have. 8 years of marriage must be at least 3 children in Nigerian kind of marriages. But please while you are thinking of your life now, NEVER get pregnant again in this toxic scenario.
Get to a general hospital, get a jadelle implant or Iud. You are married to a man with an archaic, unambitious and regressive mindset. There is how you push this thing and he concludes that you have too much time in your hands and keeps you busy with pregnancy.
Sadly, this kind of men deserve the mad type that can tumble him and his ancestors together. You sound like a marriage clinging puppy, so how do you think you can get this man to agree to a better job?
You need a strong support system or prepare to quit the marriage to do anything reasonable with your life. Support system in form of a family that is financially strong and show no qualms to their married daughter quitting a marriage to advance her life. Or you go bat-crazy, refuse to be held down, stubbornly insist for a good job while having several backups incase you are pushed out of the house for ego reasons. I frankly don't sniff the resources or the liver to execute such.
Truth is begging or reasoning with him will hardly not work. You have already shown him how far you will go by quitting your job earlier. Besides, money and exposure you will get will decrease the grip he has on you, so why would he let go of his leashed pet so easily.
You have saved me the stress of typing. The poster will NEVER progress with her kind of husband. Poster read through the above post and assimilate it properly. And oh! all the proponents of "my hubby loves me so much that he doesn't want me to work"? Tell your husband that you got a job paying 300k today and see his reaction That would tell you if you married a household enemy or husband.
DeleteHeiii, this is really deep. God will help us women. We have been filled with fear to even think for ourselves. I need this strength ooo.
DeleteNow this is my husband. I earn more than he and he holds it against me, always bringing up flimsy reasons to keep malice, pushing all the responsibilities to me so I become broke every month. I am determined to make my own money secretly, then disappear one day.
DeletePoster come and read this comment. Read it. Memorise it. Wake up at midnight and read again.
DeleteThis right here is Heaven's TRUTH.
It's not to be shaking buttocks upandan screeching about proposal, engagement, aso ebi, eyelashes etc.
MAKE SURE YOU MARRY SOMEONE WHO FULLY SUPPORTS YOUR DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS.
If you don't, you are doomed till you die, or till you leave that marriage. Which ever comes first.
Make sure you find out what your purpose is BEFORE you marry. Otherwise you most likely will spend the rest of your life after marriage still clueless and resigned to being a wife/mother.
And sadly most Nigerian women don't know they were each created for a special purpose on earth, not just to deliver their vagina to some man who can give a ring. Ofcourse they are encouraged in their ignorance by Nigerian men who are always looking for ways to subdue women because of their baby egos.
Madam trouble dey sleep now, your inyanga wan wake am abi?Submit to your husband and look up to God.
ReplyDeleteHorseshit!
DeleteLook up to God? How did the Bible describe the proverbs 31 woman? Your opinion sha.
DeleteMadam poster, your hunger is in order but find a better way to approach the matter. Don't sit at home and "look up to God" o. Manna will not fall from heaven.
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DeleteHey, my opinion;my right yea?....And yes,look up to God.God has the power to liberate her by changing th husband's stubborn heart. If she does it by force, she might break her marriage and you all won't be there to walk with her. Wisdom baby,wisdom.
DeleteShe should ceaese her career cos she is marred to am Alfa and Omega right?????
DeletePlease poster don't listen to this.
DeleteListen to him and believe me in 20years time to come you will be filled with regrets, anger and frustration.
Believe me.
You are an individual, and entitled to fulfilling your life aspiration.
Kelam you are right! Poster No one here is your co-wives,in other words,You alone knows the kind of marriage you have and the type of man you are married to,so please I beg you in the name of the Living God I serve let wisdom be your guide! No one says don't pursue your dreams but the worst that can happen to anyone in marriage is having a husband who doesn't support them(career wise) it can be disastrous and even more frustrating, so have a heart to heart talk with your husband and back it up with prayers then allow God to work his magic,except, you are one of those that consider God to be a Scam then you can do what please s you but I will tell you when this bubble burst no one here will show face.my dear it takes two to tango,be careful!
DeleteThere is no point dwelling on your courtship days or compatibility points. You have entered already . If you're as tired as you sound, then grow a liver. Start gathering your backups . .. Interviews for jobs, possible funds and savings that is if you have, means for accommodation. Act like you have been given quit notice out of the marriage, while you are reasoning with him. That is, silently make your plans while you beg and explain and talk.
ReplyDeleteWhen you secure the good job and he says No... You may need to go a bit radical. Let him know that you are an individual who wants to live a quality life and do well by your kids as well.
There is no reason for you to live in lifelong poverty and zero utilization of talents in you to keep him happy. This is when you speak to people he looks up to, call in family members and all. If he still insist on you staying where he wants you to remain. You may need to count your losses and excuse yourself from the marriage. This is a common sense matter... If you think 8yrs is a lot, wait till 20years and you will be in regret for life and wish you had left earlier or done something about this.
I pray you get the right brain wave and rescue yourself from the wellset bondage you are in, and poverty recycling mechanism for your children. This is not how to live at all. It is well!
See ehn, I just love you.
DeleteTrue words.
Deleteyou are full and filled with wisdom.
God will save us from destiny killers.
Aunty you are just wasting your grammar on this one. This one has chopped shit for 8 years na now she wan change?
DeleteWhich back up investments?
Some one that is looking at police job sounds like someone that has back up?
If she has back up, won't she open a business or go for a training.
And if the horseband wanted to support her, won't he offer to put down money for this and then she can pay him back if he wishes?
So many megalomaniac abound.
Beware of anyman who cuts off your financial indepence. That is his way of making you subservient to him. Because the hand of the giver is always above the hand of the begger.
Poster if you know what is good for you take up that civilian job if the pay is up to 50k. Some men never want to you have your own money. Even if you take up that teaching job of 15k,he won't rest until you have spent your last kobo. How can you be married for 8 years without at least 1m in a savings account somewhere. See ehn,better start fighting for your financial freedom now. Ignore him and take the job. Pay some house bills from your salary and save or invest the rest.Stop sacrificing opportunities to save your marriage o. Marriage wey woman get her own money na him dey sweet pass.
ReplyDeleteThank you jare. There is nothing as sweet as being able to spend your money. The only reason a woman should not work is if she wants it that way, and her husband is comfortable enough to fund her lifestyle. This poster wants to work! Not availing her of that opportunity is being selfish!!
DeleteEven if your husband is Dangote and Bill Gates and Zukerberg combined, WORK.
DeleteGet off your fucking wrinkled black ass and MAKE YOUR OWN MONEY.
There is a certain respect you command from yourself and others, when you make your own CHEDDAR.
Not waiting for a man to drop money in your palm so you can buy tissue and wipe your bum, buy sanitary pad, wear clothes, eat food.
Zukerberg's wife (Priscilla) WORKS.
Gates wife (Melinda) WORKS.
I know one Dangotes wives (Ayeesha) WORKS.
Do they have two heads? Or their husbands are poorer than yours ba?
You that you are still thinking how to 'upgrade' from Okokomaiko to Akute, will spread mouth like handfan, scratching oozing armpits '...ehn my huzban say I shu not wok.'
Does the average Nigerian man even have enough sense to lead himself much less authentically lead another? Give him half a chance he will subjugate you so he can control and manipulate you.
That is the language he understands.
That is his food.
I cringe when I hear a fully grown adult women screeching like a weavil '...my man is making money moves for me.'
Oshey handicapped epileptic cripple.
You are a fucking parasite, you don't know. And some of you claim to be graduates? Lmaoooo.
So what else are you bringing to the table apart from your housebound worn out vaginas like community treadmills?
Be off with these dingbats!!!!
That we are even still having these conversations in 2018 is beyond nauseating.
Poster go for the interview and get the 411. When you have the pay information, if it's really very good, you can use that to convince your husband or get people to talk to him. For now, you don't have good persuasion. Me sef I'm on the side if a working woman, but I cant support you yet bc we don't know how much this thing will pay or whether you will get the job sef
ReplyDeleteI hate husbands like that. What is wrong with your wife working? He should be happy you are earger to earn a living and help with home expenses...I hope he has enough money to cover for expenses. Nonsense.
ReplyDeleteI really don't get it 16:43. Why will a man be against his wife supporting him financially and even putting her God-given brain to use? That's evil o. Ha! Forget it, this kind of man will not have that kind of money to cover all expenses.
DeleteOr maybe there's something else poster is not telling us.🙅🙅
I had to quit my teaching job because my husband said the pay was poor 35k and he didn't think that the other teachers were up to my standard. Well, I did it. He promised giving me three times the salary if I stayed home with the kids.... He didnt do much increase jare 419 man but now he has asked I do my masters abroad so my kids at least can have a better life and promised as usual to.... I only took the offer because of frustration of moving in circles but I just realized that once you are married if you don't have a head on or you can't stand and take a ground you will just be living in the shadow of your spouse... but in this abroad thing I mustn't dull I must make my own money...
ReplyDeleteMy dear pursue the abroad wake oo, especially for the sake of your kids
DeleteDo not let him limit you.
ReplyDeleteBe Diplomatic about This.
But why is everyone mentioning business? Is it everyone that has business acumen? Some people prefer civil service!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat reason is your husband giving? Is it a genuine concern or just an avenue to keep you beneath him?
Go ahead and get that job, don't involve him at this point. When you have your employment letter you can table the whole matter again. Don't let any human being stiffle your progress in this life o.
same here.
DeleteI am just not cut out for business honestly.
Thank you Dainty T. Seems to be the ultimate goal for many, business this or that. Definitely not for me. I enjoy civil service and the benefits therein.
DeleteWhen you fianally take that job, don't tell him how much you earn, split the salary into 2, cos the next thing on his agenda is to make sure you never save money. Open money market account, no sms, just mails and fantastic interest rate.
ReplyDeleteFollow this advice! Don’t disclose your full salary!
Deletehmmmm, madam please take the job o, even if the pay us small, atleast you will be able to provide some of your needs with the job, life without a means of livelihood is not life o, men are unpredictable
ReplyDeleteStella I disagree with you on this one, if he has no cogent reason why he doesn't want you to take up that job, that's if the job is worth it btw, please and please find a way to convince him that its for the betterment of the household. If that doesn't work, well tell him you have made sacrifices in the past maybe its his own turn to make one! I for one have had to let go of choice jobs, cos of family, cos of my baby, et al. I still kinda regret it although i literally wouldnt have been able to cope, but that was then, opportunities they say comes once in a lifetime, I remember when my dad insisted my mum resign her teaching job the pay was ridiculous then, but she was a civil servant and she knew it was a career she could make something out of. It caused alot of rift but that job was what bailed us out in uni when things got tough for my dad. There's nothing like being independent as a woman, no matter how comfortable you are, it always pays to be empowered. You never know what the future holds. Don't limit yourself, you have just one life, live it!
ReplyDeletePeople will be dishing out wrong advise for you to disrespect your hushand, but if they fall into that situation they won't disrespect their own husband oh. Use your head madam
ReplyDeleteDoes the husband respect her?
DeleteAt your old age you don't know that respect is reciprocal?
That you were brought up to eat shit doesn't mean everyone else should.