STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LOVE WITHOUT TRUST
Hello Stella. First of all let me appreciate your work. May God continue to reward you greatly.
To my ordeal. I got married to a man I deeply love. I can't trade him for anything In this world.
Before we got married, he told me he didn't want to do court wedding. Reason is that he has been advised that he should not do court wedding in case of divorce, the woman might milk him dry.
I never bothered about this. I'm a hardworking woman. So I didn't bother about that. Besides, we didn't date for long before we got married and I felt that the trust would build up over time :
Fast forward to our marriage, everything has been blissful. My husband has kept a lot of money with me and not one naira has gotten missing. I don't even know how much my husband has and he has refused to tell me anything about It, but I do not lose sleep over this.
Recently we started talking about relocating out of the country and one of the criteria is that we get evidence of court marriage. My husband has refused to do this court wedding. I have told him that we can sign a pre-nuptial agreement. His money is the least thing on my mind. I want the court wedding so we can move forward with our plan But he has refused and said he can never do it.
My first question is that, can there actually be love without trust. My husband says he loves me a lot and i see it in his actions. But I don't understand why there can't be trust. Secondly, is he already nursing the intention of us getting a divorce? Because why would he be so scared of getting a court marriage?
*Na wah!!!
Who advised him against court wedding?Must be someone he looks up to a lot,find out who it is and go talk to the person.If he is not ready to do it,then you relax and watch him...trying to force it might increase his fear...leave him alone....na wah!
Most Naija men has this mentality even the educated ones!...
ReplyDeleteCourt marriage favours mostly men but their ignorance would not allow them to see!..
How does it fav our Mostly men?
DeleteQueen is that you?
DeleteYour hubby has probably done court marriage before. He doesn't want to do it twice.
DeleteJust an opinion on.
#hadeyhalaba
Things like this aren't normal except he has other motives. If he loves you, I don't see any reason why he would do the court marriage..
DeleteFirst , court marriage is only for evidential purpose in Nigeria and nothing more. It doesn’t favour women, it doesn’t favour the man either.
DeleteThe court doesn’t take into comsideration any of that and even if they did Nigeria isn’t fair in its judgement relating marital issues.
Next, do not listen to whatever BS! Your husband is telling you he hasn’t been advised against anything, he must have done a court wedding in the past which isn’t void atm, so not to implicate himself he is telling stories
Flu, GBAM! Your hubby definitely has other motives. You better use your tongue to count your teeth. I don’t think you should sleep with both eyes closed at all. Why do I get the feeling you’re just there to fulfill a purpose for him, once achieved; you’ll be dumped and he’ll either move back with his real family or move on to his chosen path.
DeleteHmmmmmmm
DeleteHmmm.
ReplyDeleteNo court wedding and you call him husband? Hmmm okay.
Doppel, your feminist ideas are so extreme, so those that didn't do court marriage ain't married, just wow.
DeleteWhat about our parents of old that did only traditional marriages and stayed married till death?
DeleteAnon 16:41, what has Feminism got to do with my question? Or you conveniently decided to ignore it? Lol please.
DeleteAnon 16:41, my friends parents have been married traditionally for over 50 years and did their court wedding two years ago because legally they needed to do it. If a court wedding wasn’t necessary they wouldn’t ask for it from couples who apply for travel visas. Don’t quote me though.
Doppelganger, are you minding them?
DeleteThey are common law partners.
I don't know how women agree to this sort of agreement.
As you lay your bed, you lie on it.
A lot of your parents are not legally married to allow your fathers marry any which way. Do not be silly and but the story. Court wedding favours the woman if there is a divorce case. As most of you know traditional courts will go by the rule of the land and we all know what that means for most women except for some tribes. We do not have spousal settlement enforced in this country so what lies is he telling. Aunty, your husband is married.
DeleteWhere do you guys meet people like this. You let love blind you so much you agreed to no court wedding. Sis if he does court wedding with another woman she will be the legal wife and recognised above you. Smh
ReplyDeleteFrom a legal standpoint, that's not true. Court marriages and a church marriage with license is the same thing thing. In Nigeria traditional marriages are recognized and in same standing as any other marriage.
DeleteWhat if the legal battle she faces isn’t just confined to Nigeria? Who will recognize a Nigerian traditional marriage then?
DeleteYou love your husband and won't trade him for anything....this is to your detriment cos he doesn't love you same way, so sorry for you in advance. I will advice you to start gathering your assets and liabilities inclusive of your babies for nearest future wreckage cos it's looming already!!!! Please stop this your blind love biko or were you a virgin before marriage cos na virgin dey love mumuishly like this even if you are your hubby is obviously not;so sell part of the acres of love you have for him in your heart n turn it to money in your purse abeg
ReplyDelete😂.... Some edo people are so guilty of this including church wedding, cause it's won't let's them take second wife..
ReplyDeleteAre you sure there us no court marriage with someone somewhere? How can he have a morbid fear of court marriage.
ReplyDeleteMy fiends hubby who had that kind if fear was because he is into babes
Your husband is quite primitive. I see his type everyday on nairaland. You also come off as a bit careless (and maybe desperate). Two cannot walk together unless they agree. This caveman told you from the beginning that he has no trust for you and you went ahead to marry him. I’m sorry to say but if he still chooses not to do the needful and your travel plans flop, it’s nobody’s fault but yours.
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it, you offered a prenup and he said no. Are you sure he’s not leaving room for a second wife...or you’re his second wife?
My thought exactly. Your husband may be legally married or is looking to add a mother wife.
DeleteExactly! Either way, poster is not or will not be the legal wife. If he’s already legally married, then poster is just a celebrated concubine and if he’s avoiding marrying poster legally to leave room for someone else, then he doesn’t think poster is worth being made a legal wife. She better start organizing herself and saving for her future and her kids’ if she has any for him yet because this man is looking like a self serving time-waster. By the way, that his excuse is so weak. “Somebody told me never to marry legally”. And poster bought and accepted it too. Sometimes in the quest to prove that we’re honest, not gold diggers and are in relationships for love, women fail to also vet the men to make sure they also have pure intentions towards them. Poster was so eager to prove that she wasn’t with the man for money that she acccepted all sorts of crap that she never should have. He actually insulted her with that and she accepted to marry him not thinking of what HIS intentions might have been too. Didn’t we also read on this blog where a guy married this girl just to bear kids and then be discarded while his real love was his cousin and his family were in support? Women should open their eyes and scrutinize men too even at the point of marriage especially when you see red flags like “not wanting to be legally married” .......... Just Me
DeleteLol..i hope he I not married to another via a court marriage and don't want to commit bigamy..
ReplyDeleteLooks like your hubby is already married in another part of the world where Bigamy is a serious crime with severe consequences and he can be nailed if he marries you legally so guy man is seriously trying not to get into trouble .lol. is he Dangote ? Because I don’t get how much money he has to be this scared of you milking him dry. story . Poster, Don’t pester or nag him about it , Instead, start snooping and carry out low key investigations and you’ll see what he’s hiding . Good luck
ReplyDeletePoster are you sure your husband doesn't have another family somewhere else
ReplyDeleteAre you sure he's not already married to someone else. Check well all might not be well.
ReplyDeleteThe self worth of women is going down the drain this days. How about you the woman, the price to be won telling him that without court marriage (actually it is registry) you are not going to marry him? He said his mind from the beginning, you ought to have said yours too.
ReplyDeleteAs for the moment, there is nothing to do about it; just wait and watch.
She can gather all that money he’s pretending to protect in the meantime while she waits for the other shoe to drop because it’s going to be a loud one and it’s better she prepares a cushion for herself to fall on when it’s all revealed
DeleteWhat's court wedding please. Cause I know most people(think middle class n below) in Nigeria do not go to the registery but still sign those registry papers in church esp. Anglican and Catholic.
ReplyDeleteEnlighten me oo
The Catholic and Anglican churches of Nigeria have been given permission by the Ministry of Interior to legally officiate weddings, so the register that is signed after the ceremony by both parties and thier witnesses is a legal marriage.
DeleteHowever, for those that get married in Churches that don't have permission from the ministry (eg. Pentecostal, white-garment etc), need to head over to the registry to formally legalise their union. Hence why you see people doing registry (court) weddings, as well as Church and traditional. Some churches award the couple with certificates that are printed by the church itself, but they are not legally binding.
I think the man is legally married elsewhere, and would therefore be committing bigamy should he legalise your union.
DeleteIt's all the same thing if it's in those churches you mentioned.
DeleteIt’s not just anglicans and Catholics. Any church that applies can be granted a license and therefore become a licensed place of worship. Almost all the old churches are. For the newer churches you have to ask if they are
DeleteI know for a fact that if you are married in the Catholic Church you are covered in any country
DeleteStory push up. Without a registry cert from the church that marriage is not subsisting my friend. Developed countries are not religious so they care less about your religious celebration. They only recognized the government institutions.
DeleteHe told you he could never do that and you gladly accepts the marriage proposal. My friend did only court marriage because that's what she wanted and the man obliged her without issues and he's a multi millionaire. Love comes with trust.
ReplyDeleteThe way this poster said..."He gives me money to keep,and not even one niara is missing"...like must some go missing? Our mentality in this country sef. If someone gives u money to keep, you keep it. You should have told him u couldn't marry him without a court wedding...He didn't do you a favour by marrying you. You should have given him your conditions too. I don't get why y'all get married to people u are scared of. He is your husband for Pete's sake. He is just like one of your male senior school mates, or a male classmate. Were u scared of your childhood male friends of classmates? Ahh
ReplyDeleteYour husband married someone else in court and hasn't gotten a divorce.
ReplyDeleteMy advise to u.. .is dat d mistake has already been made, u took some things for granted before u married that your husband, he doesn't really love u, all he cares about is himself. I will advise u do what Stella said. Don't push it just let him be and see where it will end all of you
ReplyDeleteStay with him if you like him. Only problem now us can you travel as his wife or will you travel alone. If he wants to travel without you, then start looking for a husband because you're not married.
ReplyDeleteDude is already married
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing like court wedding in Nigeria. What we have is civil marriage/wedding where the couple is joined by a registrar in the marriage registry.
ReplyDeleteThat said, your story has some missing links madam. I think your husband was married before to a woman that probably dealt with him during their divorce process. I also think you were aware of this hence your agreeing to only traditional marriage. You are probably only backtracking now cos you need a marriage certificate. So my guess is that you are the one who really wants the relocation thing.
Please when sending in your story, say the whole truth so that people can advise you well. While colour the truth in your favor so that people can tell you what you want to hear?
Again, I don't think your husband has another wife that you are not aware of. I think he was once married to a woman who dealt with him. And you are aware of this.
You made your decision, live with it. Either relocate without him, or stay with him and allow him heal at his own pace.
Good reasoning
DeleteHe has deep seated fears about women and what they are capable of doing once a marriage goes sour. We are all shaped by our experiences in life.Possibly someone close to him has suffered bitterly after a divorce and he's afraid. He doesnt trust you wouldn't do the same to him when the going gets tough. it's not that he doesn't trust you with money. he just doesn't trust that your love will remain for him. he is therefore preparing shock absorbers. Now that you need it for your plans, you will probably find out how deep the fear is. He has no-one in any corner. it's just his fear of the specie called woman!!
ReplyDeleteWarning sign that you overlooked.
ReplyDeleteAre you a second wife? Or u married a divorcee?
ReplyDeleteAs per Nigeria govt do not support singular person doing court marriage twice, so maybe your boo has engaged in a already, or maybe he is truly scared of you taking away his assets after divorce( but no normal being will think of that). Just be calm with him,with that u will be able to get the real fact.
ReplyDeleteAlso, pray for more revelations from God. All will be well.
You are married to a married man that is not properly divorced yet so he can't possibly do another Court wedding with you. He is hiding some truth from you. Simple!
ReplyDeleteHe could be hiding something poster
ReplyDelete