STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED
Hello Stella,
I'm 23 years old,I'm a fashion designer but I still work from home,I'm currently running my HND program (full time)but I skip school most times cause I also do a night job in a fabric sewing factory while I sew at home too for my clients.
To my rant,I'm in a relationship with this God fearing dude though hes also a fashion designer too and tins are not okay for him financially.
The problem I have with him is that I've told him to get a side job but he refuses and not that he spends on me cause I'm very understanding but anytime we talk about job,he keeps promising all will be fine and I should be rest assured I can't suffer when we get married (2020).
My problem is that I'm scared of having financial crisis in marriage,i know tins may become bad cause everyday no be Christmas and a woman should support her hubby which is why I've decided I must have my own fashion house and be done with school(2019) before marriage.
I know God can favour him at anytime and I want to be patient but I doubt if his job can pay house rents,feed a wife and kids,pay sch fees for kids if he continues like this.
I'm very independent,I don't ask him for money,so I wonder why he won't do a side hustle to at least get a decent accommodation first,He's 29 already.He's parents are not that wealthy and i don't want to be the one to start shouldering most of the responsibilities or to start asking my dad for help.
Please advice me on what to do,he's a very good Christian and he believes so much in God.Should I hang on and continue to trust God for Mercy and favour in his job cause he won't do a side hustle like me?or should I just quit?or am I rushing him?is he just a lazy guy?Would he be responsible financially?I love him but I'm confused cause he doesn't even know how to save money:
Please hide my identity.
*na wah...All i can say is that you should not marry anyone without both of you sitting down and discussing finances and what each person is bringing to the Table....Some women walk in empty handed thinking he has enough and when they get in na there wahala they start.......Don't marry without crossing your tees and doting the eyes...Your man sounds lazy and you should be worried cos when you marry now he will become house husband and leave you to do the hustling.
He doesnt know how to save money?wahala dey!!!
When u marry this guy, be rest assured u gonna foot bills equally.
ReplyDeleteNow that shouldn't scare u....
Equal rights.
Poster,leave that lazy man alone. You can't force him to change that's not your work,it's the work of the holy spirit. He won't change, that's the zeal less spirit he will take into marriage. Abeeeg,fanshi him and pray to God to connect you to your missing rib. That one you described up there is someone's rib and believe me its can Pierce you to death after marriage. Get busy with studies and your hustle, when the right one comes you will not doubt him let alone send chronicle before you settles down with him.
DeleteGood luck.
Acrimony loading....
DeleteHmmmmmm
DeleteLet me read comments
Please go watch Acrimony Poster; you'll understand better
DeleteHas this your good christian entered your pants?
ReplyDeleteI'm asking for curious BVs like me.
Hahahahahahaha
Delete🤣🤣🤣 what an important question
DeleteI want to believe that he believes in his hustle so much that he doesnt want to work for someone else.
ReplyDeleteShare your concerns with him and let him know that he needs to set up a business that will yield daily income so that he can save enough before 2020 for the sake of your kids.na wa!!
Romance without Finance =.....
All these he is a very good Christian should stop. He is a lazy man.
ReplyDeleteMan that don't have drive is that a man.
He only believe that the fashion work will sustain him. Lazy man
Any girl date only one man is a mugu!!...
ReplyDeleteMumu!,..
Poster,this guy have not told you he would marry you so why are you calculating rents,feeding etc in your head?...
You are seeing signs and you are there asking us stupid questions!...
So you want to enter poverty with your koro koro eyes abi?...
You better give other men a chance!...
In fact plenty of them!,..
And leave this unserious nigga!..
Lmao @infact plenty of them.
DeleteNo carry clear eye enter suffer. Talk with him, see changes. If there is no change, move on.
You are still very young.
DONT MARRY A MAN THAT IS COMFORTABLE IN PENURY.
DeleteThis advice is coming from someone that is supporting sisters that married broke men.
hmmm waiting for comments. Open your eyzzzzzzzzzzzz.
ReplyDeletePoster, that your boo looks like a man that will be comfortable being fed by a woman. Run now. He has no prospects at all. He's just comfortable in the financial state he is now, such men look for hardworking ladies to leech on. If you Marry him, you will be shouldering all the responsibilities at home. BE WISE
ReplyDeleteNA wah o, poster to me I can't marry a lazy man o. Because marriage is reality o
ReplyDeleteThat your man refuses to get a side hustle isn't a sure sign that he is lazy, he might want to invest his time fully into the fashion biz. You know him better, although I won't advise you to marry a lazy man. Calm down and build yourself, I mean YOURSELF up career wise and if by the time you are ready and he still isn't, then "you should use your tongue to count your teeth"
ReplyDeleteYou mean she should wait until she’s “built” before giving him the boot? What if he impregnates her on purpose just to leech on? He’s 29 already! Poster dump the lazy guy so you can start building a relationship with a better suited spouse. He’s comfortable with you because he knows you’re hardworking, you have drive and a solid plan. He’ll dump all responsibilities on you once married. For all you know, once dumped; he might actually buck up because he’ll know he no longer has the mumu to leech on. And if you get back with him again, he’ll just fall back into old habits because that’s just how he sees you. If you really love this guy, you would dump him for his own good.
DeleteDon't marry a poor man
ReplyDeleteare you rich and well to do?
DeleteBabe relax,u are still very young,my advice for you is to continue encouraging ur man to hustle while trusting on God to intervene. Try double dating without sharing d cookie and see where it will lead you. Do not put all your eggs in one basket.
ReplyDeletemy dear from your description he is very lazy forget that he has a hand work and stop deceiving your self thinking that he loves you u, he doesn't love u the way u does and he is not afraid of loosing you since he is not bothered to go get a side job,at 29 he still thinks age is on his side. just leave him by the corpse and get another guy, you will suffer your ass out if both of u marries and luckily if God blesses you both with riches through your hustle, bobo family will start feeling like na there son money you dey eat and there demands might triple.be wise
ReplyDeleteNa wa oo, it is so easy for girls to tag someone "lazy". A skilled worker who is employed is "lazy?"
DeletePerhaps, the only "hard-working" person for most Naija girls is someone "abroad, money ritualist, drives suv etc."
Sorry for having this sort of mentality.
@Anonymous 15:26
DeleteSure you are a busy bee?
Are you rich now?
Someone wakes up every morning and goes to work and earns an honest living
and you term him lazy?
'just leave him by the corpse and get another guy'
DeleteE easy like that na im girls dey full that singles mingle Stella does.
Poster if you're sure that guy HAS PROPOSED TO YOU, sit him down and discuss tangible future finances.
What do you guys talk about when you meet
The only thing I saw is "I'm very understanding, I'm very independent,I don't ask him for money, when you are already making the money for him, why will he be bothered, stop understanding and ask him for money,you are making him too comfortable, don't be blinded, because the love will clear from your face when he marries you and he becomes the 'House husband'.
ReplyDeleteAsk him for money as per he is her father abi
DeleteThat’s why he is too relaxed...
DeleteBabe, its 2020 ooo...n a lot can happen between now n then. Better start spreading your tentacles for possibilities far better than that so called Christian boy you are dating. Forget all those stories you hear, marriage requires monetary support from both spouse, it is not manage. Open your eyes now and allow better person enter. This your Christian guy now will def follow your church girl wey dey work for shell while you are here screaming "he is a christian brother". Peace out!!!
ReplyDeleteJust summarily tell us that there is someone eyeing you or you are eyeing.
ReplyDeleteOnce a woman begins with "I am confused", there are two things to choose from.
He is "god-fearing", are you god-fearing too.
If both of you have begun having sex, then there is no god-fearing in either.
If you are not ready to marry this man in his present financial status, just don't
go into such a marriage.
If as a Christian you decide to seek God to know what to do
ReplyDeletethat's a better approach. But know that there are challenges in
marriage. Two are better than one.
These days. The movie acrimony is my teacher. As a woman, when you carry too much responsibility in a home. It will make you a time bomb. You can explode any time.. No man should make you crazy in the name of carrying his responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteI tells you. Cookie was still in love but the man has already messed up her pshyc. “No man should make u crazy”. Na only Jesus fit carry world wahala.
DeleteSorry, I can’t date a man that isn’t giving me Shii..
As uve started ur independence journey, make sure u finish it oo.
I will always advise people not to go into a relationship where they will carry all responsibilities, it's very exhausting. You may think it's nothing now but when you get married and start living together, kids start coming, house rent, food, clothing, school fees etc, you will understand that money is very very vital.
ReplyDeleteMen should stop going after poor girls. make your money and marry the rich ones.
ReplyDeleteWomen should stop going after poor guys.Make your money and marry the rich guys.
DeleteOkay now.
DeleteHe doesn't save money, maybe he is embarking on a project and wants to surprise you with it Abi what's he using money for. Hmmm poster you need to sit him down and discuss about the finances because you need to be sure of what each of you will bring to the table. Does he make effort (voluntarily) to give you money as per you not asking him. He should even be the one putting effort in getting a side hustle not the other way round.
ReplyDeletePls kindly sit him down and talk about the needful because finance isn't a joking matter in marriage.
But things might still change before 2020 sha
God help you
anon 16:11 u lack sense of comprehension people like you will gorge your friend's eye out if he or she advises you(that's if you are a woman) or your sister to marry the kind of man poster is complaining about. who knows maybe tailoring isn't his talent but he is busy forming I have a skill while he has little or nothing to show for it.if actually he knows what he is doing he will be averagely comfortable to take care of himself and people around him. don't be a hypocrite when addressing issues like this imagine u or someone dear to u being in this poster's shoe.
ReplyDeletebe wise!!!
See. I've been married for 22 years. When you want to marry a man, don't marry " potential". Marry what you are seeing. Because what you see is what you get. Don't deceive yourself. Don't put yourself under pressure. If he doesn't seem motivated enough to get a job or to improve his finances, what you see my dear, is what you will get! That's who he is! And if you think you have to "support" your man to get to a point, then you are living in a fools paradise. You will keep on " supporting" that man all throughout your married life. He is NEVER going to get to a point where he will 'release' you from that support. So make up your mind now. If you are the type that will crumble under financial pressure when you marry, that guy you described up there is certainly not for you. You will be very very unhappy with him. But if you are the type who likes to carry financial weight all through life, then go on ahead and marry the man you described up there. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWisdom! Every woman should read this!
DeleteMadam there is no rule about it. You personal experience can't be everyone's lot. If you married a brokeass irresponsible man that has remained same after 22 years, it doesn't mean ALL MEN will tow his path.
DeletePoster with the man you want to marry and his response willake you know what to do. Noone hear knows your fiancé hence noone here can answer those questions you put up there.
true talk. make me wey dey hustle and earn over 300k per month and still dey hustle to earn more. make one man wey no dey earn reach 100k come say he get prospects, nonsense. #nabankwork before una doubt my salary
DeleteBabe do not marry a broke ass guy thinking things will change for you both and he will balance, just be using him to pass time for now while you hustle and make your own money, before 2020 if you see any rich guy with plenty money dump him and move on, who broke and lazy ass guy help?
ReplyDeleteI married one like yours and the guy show me pepper, our marriage don pack up, I no fit even make friends with broke ass guy as I dey now, forget love when money no dey love go die. If he is lazy let him go and meet his class of babes, you should move on
at 23? better come out from such relationship and focus on your schooling and work. the right man will come along. its bad enough to have a broke ass guy , even badder to have one who wont hustle to earn more. marriage consumes alot of money my dear , so think twice.
ReplyDelete