Hmmmmm...
THE NANNY SITUATION
I need the opinion of your BVs on a situation. I have a live-in nanny who has been staying with me in my home for about 2years. She moved in with me from another city. She was introduced to me by my elder sister. I did a proper KYC on her before she moved in. I sent someone to visit her hometown, meet her mum and siblings (her dad is late) and I am in touch with her mum.
My nanny has been a nice person so far, she is hard working, really nice to my kids and we have made her very comfortable in our home. I can’t say she is perfect, she has her scoin-scoin days but nobody is perfect either.
So to the real matter, I came home from work and while we were in the kitchen preparing dinner, she said she had something to tell me and I quickly asked her what she had done and she said she had not done anything wrong. So I asked her to go ahead and say what she had to say as I was listening . It took her like another 5mins of fidgeting before she spoke up then she says “My friend from my village asked for us to met at ...(She mentions a location that’s about 12mins walk to my house) on Saturday”
Then I probed further on who this friend is, she said it’s a guy from her village whom she met on her way back to my city the last time she visited her mum in January, and they have been in touch. According to her, he wants her to meet him up at this location.
At this moment all my anti fuckboy anthenna stood straight and I told her I won’t let her go to meet any guy and if he has anything to say to her they can keep communicating on the phone. If he is serious he knows the right thing to do. Please note that my nanny is 26 years old and this is the first time she is asking for permission to meet a friend be it male or female. Now she has asked, I don’t want it to seem as if I am preventing her from dating or having a relationship. However I don’t want stories that touch or have my kids’ nanny meet some stranger and then come home to my kids.
Stella please your opinion will be highly appreciated.
Thanks a million Stella.
Stella please your opinion will be highly appreciated.
Thanks a million Stella.
*You need to start looking for another Nanny..If you stop her from going,she wil go when you are not home and without telling you or she will have him come home...She is building a relationship and it has gotten to the stage they have to meet,you need t release her to see him....Also try to discuss s#x and all that with her......
Like i said,its time to look for someone else,this one is half way out!
Tell her to invite the guy over when you will be around, to meet him.
ReplyDeleteCorrect! Let the guy come over, then you access him.
DeleteExactly.
DeleteMadam does your nanny not have off day. Most nannies have off days,they go for a whole weekend once a month.
DeleteWhat they do during that period is none of my business so far they are not under my roof. You go and you come back at a set time.
Nannies are not slaves and they deserve to have their own period they can spend with family and friends.
As shes a young lady you can now take it upon yourself to educate her. Ask her questions about the guy,is he legally employed,what is his intentions etc. Questions you will ask your junior sister.
She trust you and that is why she came to you. Please give her an off period once a month. Even if she doesn't go for a full weekend. But let her have a Saturday she can go out and come back in the evening. You can check her bags if you wish and also intruct your security not to ever allow her bring in a visitor. But you cannot cage a grown woman forever.
Hmmmmmmmm but look at the negative part, what about uf the guy com n spoil her mind after seeing how comfortable she is or how comfortable the family is
DeleteExactly she should invite him over. My hubby always say as far as you have an adult around,you must give off days for them to recharge their batteries otherwise they become something else. So madam allow her she is 26 and by right should even be married if all was well with her finicially .
DeleteI know what they do on their off days are none your business but can affect your business when she gets back. Your staff's family and emotionally affect the way they work, don't say it's none of your business.
DeleteBank
Does your nanny have days off? If not, give her some off period one weekend a month to be free to do whatever she wants. The length of time is up to you to figure out. It could be from Saturday morning to come back in the evening. And remove eye from what she does during that period and give her the freedom to do her own thing away from your family.
DeleteThat is how one Nanny I had, started and before I knew it, she started inviting males to the house. When her attitude got worse, and I tried to advice her, I was accused of hindering her from meeting marriage prospects. That is when I realized that I was dealing with external influence. I finally sent her home and in the 6 years that she left, she still never marry.
Madam poster, you are wicked and selfish. So your nanny has no day off? You are also worried about her finding love and moving away from your employment. Wicked soul.
DeleteDon’t invite any man to your house, you don’t know him and so does your nanny. Some guys are not to be trusted, some have been through a lot that has transformed them. You can advice her to meet him in an open place. Don’t bring him to your house at least not now, she may feel comfortable to even bring him in your absence after all you started it ( make your children no learn bad thing )
DeleteAnon 17.47 my nanny is an old lady that has a family. So she takes one weekend a month. I cant even take a young girl.
DeleteHowever if I have a young girl I will still give her a off day she can go in the morning and come back by 7pm sharp. I will also keep advising such young girl as I would a sister.
I believe in treating staff well. So they do their job happily.
Being a nanny is a job and should have clearly defined work hours, what they do in their personal time should not concern an employer, here we treat nannies like charity cases instead of paid employment
DeleteI think you are being unreasonable. She is 26. Is she not old enough to date? When did you become boyfriend analyzer? Why should she bring her boyfriend to the house? She is even nice and telling you about it. Allow her to go. How old were u when u started dating your husband? If she was a teenager, I would understand u but 26? Haba so because she is ur maid, she should grow old in your house?ðŸ˜
DeleteAt 26 she needs some kind of freedom or mobility. You can tell her about your fears, ask her if she is ready to go. One day she would leave you and it has to start from somewhere
ReplyDeletePlease allow her see this guy and decide for herself, if she gets her heart broken at least she tried. A 26 year old is ripe for marriage and she respects you a lot that’s why she took permission from you not like the ones that will miss when you go to work. Tell her to be open to you so you can advice her from time to time but never force your opinion down her throat
DeleteI even thought the girl was a baby. My dear unless you have a husband ready for your nanny allow her be! She strikes me as honest and open. She also trusts you as a person that’s why she is asking for your permission. Girls less than that age will sneak in and out, even get pregnant before you know what’s up. Be a mentor to her and advise her on relationships. A 26 year old girl is free to mingle with a man of her choice.
ReplyDeleteA 26 years old is not a girl,she is a WOMAN.
DeleteShe is old enough to be married with kids sef, am pretty sure her madam might not have been up to her age before she got married.
She is not a child poster you can't restrict her. She only told you to be honest so ask about this man, get as much information about him from her to be on the safe side, who know he could be her future hubby. Just make sure she is honest with you about her movements and dealings with him.
Stella's advice is on point. Just guide her like a mentor.
Delete@anon 15:29 you're pretty sure poster might not be up to her age before she got married?? Really?? Just give your advice and ...
@ Aluoma are u the poster??????
DeleteNote; i am not the anno
@ Oluoma goodness I said "MIGHT NOT", please learn to comprehend .
DeleteAbeg,let her go . How can u say no to a 26 year old girl,that’s cruel.i’m sure u started dating in your teens.if it doesn’t work out with d guy,so be it,was it d first guy u dated u married.some ppl self.some of her age mates are already married with kids and you are here saying u are protecting her. Some ppl cannot take what they dish sha.if na your pikin,u go say no?? Free her abeg .na so my aunt house girl reach 35 years dem no allow her marry claiming her suitors are poor,not educated enough etc just coz they didn’t want her to stop working for them n seeing she was an orphan ...ppl of the world .i hail !!
DeleteIf your 26yr old daughter ask to meet a friend what will you tell her? Think well and answer honestly therein lies your answer.
ReplyDeleteAlso make your judgements on how she carries herself.
Gbam!!!
DeleteAt 26 she is an adult and ladies at 25 are married already, she told you something that she might not even tell you because even if you are bkt hope, he will sneak and go and see her, what if they guy is asking her out or want to marry her, our house help met her husband when she was in our house and married him, my mum knows her village and family she is from calabar and my mum attended her wedding, let her go see him but you have to talk to her like a sister, of she was 15 or 16 then you can tell her no
ReplyDeleteNa wa. Nannies and their issues.
ReplyDeleteif u have a teenager they will say its child labor.
Now having a 26 year old she is finding husband.
Which age is good to employ as nanny na? 40 and above? Will that one even have energy for any work again?
So a 26 year old should not find husband? Are you a witch?
DeleteSo because she is working as a nanny you think she doesn't have right to be in a relationship and get married . Na people like you dey enslave nannies.
DeleteBianca bruno, that is because you guys see househelp jobs not like a job but slavery you guys fail to realise that just like every other people in other jobs e.g banking, fashion designer, news reporter hasve a life outside like getting married, raising kids and existing in every other areas of life etc. A househelp too has the rights as a human being.
DeleteShe can be married and continue with that profession whether she likes it or not.
She is old enough. When I was her age, I have finished youth service and working, living alone self. So what I am trying to say is that she is old enough to date so give your piece of advice and allow her.
ReplyDeleteYes,she is old enough to date.but she should not do that in someone's house. If she allows her,it will become a regular habit of going out to see a guy or guys. Let her go to her house and marry Biko.
DeleteWow, anon 15:57, you are evil...
DeleteBecause she works for you doesn't mean she doesn't deserve her own privacy. She is 26 not 16. If your 26 years old sister tells you she wants to meet up with a guy, will you stop her? Or she should put her life on hold because she is a nanny? If you like her at all, sit her down and let her know your worries. Allow her see the guy, when she comes back, gist with her about her outing. I said GIST with her, not Demand the details of her outing. By doing this, she will be open to you.
ReplyDeleteSee me see wahala. 26 year old is who this poster is caging like this. Stella is even joining her to talk one thing one thing. Poster better free that woman that is your nanny. Just warn her that you don’t want any miscreant near your house or children and if she eventually gets serious with anyone, you must see the guy first before he starts visiting her in your house
DeleteShe told u out of trust and poster u even have the guts to mention ur anti fuck boy antenna for a 26yr old lady.
ReplyDeleteIt is people like you that will keep ur house help for another 16yrs making her 40 without marriage.When u were 26 didn't u have a boyfriend that's if u were not married before then. Rubbish!
Like seriously i tire for her!
DeleteWhy call him a fuck boy when you havn't met him?.
Hanty judgeGina!!
No mind the poster. She is giving me ‘anti-witch’ alert. Holding down a 26 year old like that isn’t it witchcraft? If no be condition, her mates are controlling millions in banks and oil companies and this poster is here talking bullshit
DeleteMe sef tire for her o. I was hoping to read that her nanny is 17 or 18 yrs old for her to have reacted like that.
DeletePoster if this lady was your sibling, would you have told her no? I mean, a 26yrs lady old is an adult, your duty is to advise her because she lives with you, not telling her no as if she is a baby. People get married earlier than that age, so why deny her the chance to socialise simply because she lives with you?
That was a so wrong of you
I think you should allow her meet the guy but give her time to come back,talk to her as you will your sister or daughter.You can even speak with the guy and find out what he does.Please warn her not to bring him to your house no matter the situation,you don't know him so he's not welcomed to your home except when they have known each other well ,you can invite them both to an eatery.
ReplyDeleteBruno ur head nor correct... So because she's a nanny she shudnt find husband. Think before writing next time....mstcheeeew
ReplyDeleteAt 26 she is an adult, please talk to her, advice her like she was your own daughter. She came to you for permission meaning she respects you and is honest.
ReplyDeleteNa WA for you madam. You have a full adult as a nanny and you don't want her to have a boyfriend. She will soon start sleeping with your husband. The best thing is for you to invite the man to your house, advice her to be smart and get to know the man's intention. It's even risky to have such a young lady as maid in your house,be sure he is a responsible man & not a thief in the making. Anyway to avoid her telling you lies you need to give her freedom & also advice her, if anything happens to her emotionally she's on her own.
ReplyDeleteThe old nannies are not easier o. Do you think you can control a nanny that is your mother's age mate.
DeletePlease allow her to meet the boyfriend. Collect his digits from her do as to avoid stories that touch
ReplyDeleteThis issue is delicate. Though she is of age, if the guy is responsible and serious let him come to the house.
ReplyDeleteMy house help came at 12. Stayed till she was 25 when she had admission into Univ. in another state. She went and came back after Nysc. In between she used to come over during public holidays.
She still wanted to be with me after Nysc but i kicked cos she is 32 now.
I just called her to come over next week for recruitment exercise in my organisation.
She is very responsible and calm and i will try my possible best to get her the job
Pls let the man come to the house so there will be respect..
Am talking about that with my girl.
Dont let her sneak around. She appears to be a good girl. Pls treat her well and guide her right.
Being a Nanny doesn't make her a 'Nunny'. She, too, needs to feel butterflies in her stomach...
ReplyDeleteGet to know who she wants to see, what he does for a living & where he stays. Then teach her sex education, that's if she doesn't know already. That's all, & life goes on...
Lol. My own nanny boldly asked me to send 80% of her August salary to her boyfriend According to her, he was bitten by a dog and in the hospital. She has been moping around the house week. Poster from 14 years most of them have boyfriends from the village. Mine is 18 with a very serious boyfriend. I don talk tire. The boy is shacking her. I am just waiting for December so that as she goes for holiday I will waybill her remaining bags to her the next day.
ReplyDelete80% of her salary to her boyfriend??? 18yr old??? Penis has restructured her brain.
DeleteMadam she 26 for crying out load. What my sister did was, she told her to invite the guy to meet with her, if the guy is genuine he will be eager to come, if he not he won't. Immediately you see the guy, you can access him well n know whether na better person before letting the guy meet her in private. And let the parent knows she has met someone when the start dating. To me she very very honest person.
ReplyDeleteNo be only load!luggage nko??
DeleteMadam she 26 for crying out loud. What my sister did was, she told her to invite the guy to meet with her, if the guy is genuine he will be eager to come, if he not he won't. Immediately you see the guy, you can access him well n know whether na better person before letting the guy meet her in private. And let the parent knows she has met someone when the start dating. To me she very very honest person.
ReplyDeleteYou can allow her mingle as long as she knows what she's getting herself into. She's of age. However, in whatever decision you take, do not invite him to your house YET until you know his intention towards her is genuine.
ReplyDeleteAdvise her as your younger sister. Educate her on relationships and sex because one day whether you like it or not she will get married.
ReplyDelete2years old nanny. all the best. please get someone younger
ReplyDelete...and the next thing you will hear is 'child labour'
DeleteI'm 24 and my baby comes in a couple of weeks, my point is, she's an adult, I think she was respectful in her opening up to you honestly about the situation she's in, I see that your intention is also to protect her, but then again, she's an adult, so instead of shutting it down and have her sneaking around like an underage girl, have her invite him over, assess him and advice her genuinely based on what you observe.
ReplyDeleteI hope that helps.
Madam,I understand your fear but that girl is an adult. Tell her to invite the guy over so you can meet him too. Just let her know you want her to be in safe hands so you will like to meet the person.
ReplyDeleteYou want her to be an house help for life?
Madam poster how old are you when you get married? This is a full fledge woman who is supposed to be in her husband's house, allow her some freedom you are lucky she is open
ReplyDeleteA 26yrs,26yrs is asking for permission to see a man you refused. 26 fucking yrs.Continue
ReplyDeletePoster, at 26 my last born which is my 4th child was already 1yr old.
ReplyDeleteWhile reading initially I thought she was a teenager.
From your write-up it seems you are scared of letting her move on with her life, from Christ's sake she's not a kid old enough to take care of herself.
Don't let her become a gwegs in your house please.
Is a your nanny a fuck girl that you can regard someone else's son as a fuck boy. You can do better, counsel her like you would want to be counselled when it comes to relationships and wisdom.
ReplyDeleteI dont think it is bad to for you to pray for her in all of this. Thank God she a'int eyeing your husband.
Madam poster do you give your nanny off days from work? Maybe one weekend off or two. She can use it to do whatsoever she wants to do and come back to work. Try educating her on STD/STI.
ReplyDeleteIt's out of respect she told you and she could have visited the guy when you are away
HAhahaha😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteAllow her meet with the guy. You can also tell her you want to meet with the guy, you can do that in a eatery or something. This is to avoid open access to your home by a stranger.
ReplyDeleteShe can learn a skill too when your children are in school and close-knit when they do so that she can have a source of livelihood when married.
May the Holy Spirit lead all parties involved right
It is obvious you don't give this nanny days off, but I bet you/your husband have vacation data from your employer.
ReplyDeleteThe nerve of you to tell her know, a 26 years old?
She is even stupid for asking your permission to go put in the first place, and her inability to negotiate better working conditions.
You really have mind.
You said you don't want stories that touch. It's understandable that you're concerned for your kids but you have to be concerned about the young girl as well whom you admitted has served you well for over 2 years now. So you should trust her enough to allow her live her life same way she trusted you and informed you. She is not a child and won't be working for you forever. Don't be selfish. Allow her go, follow up with the appointment, give her good advice and pray for her. If you love her that is what you would do.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster, first off, she said she wanted to tell you something and you asked what has she done? What kind of reaction is that? Then she told she wants to meet up with a guy and you said no. Only in Nigeria will an employer control your life. How you're worried that her having a relationship will affect your children, how? Please let this woman have a relationship, she's old enough
ReplyDeletestella half way out cos she wants to meet a guy? at 26? is she a slave? at 26 you never start to fuck? lets be real abeg, she felt she needed to even tell you...advise her like your younger sister then watch how she conducts herself. a relationship must strat somewhere and she cant be a nanny forever
ReplyDelete