STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
NOT WITHOUT MY CHILDREN....
Greetings to everyone. God bless you ma for lives you've changed through this blog. Am from the eastern part of Nigeria.
Am so confused, depressed and devastated right now like I don't know what to do. Pls I need mature advice.
I was married 6yrs ago but I've separated from my husband since 2017, I left with my kids due to physical, emotional, verbal abuse I went through, I know am not perfect but I made sure I did my best but he will always accuse me of being a witch that am responsible for him not progressing.
Stella honestly I tried my best I would give him money to support him even bought a fairly used car that he didn't allow me to drive, I will wake up by 4am with pregnancy bath my 2 kids dress them for school, take a bike and go for school runs even in the rain and go to the market open shop bring out my goods ( bags of rice and other food condiments )still close from the shop by 6pm go and pick my kids sometimes I will get to the school late(the school has boarding house so I made arrangements with the keeper who is also a teacher) sometimes my kids must have fallen asleep, I will take them home still bath them, feed them etc.
I take care of things in the house including feeding just for peace to reign for were he will still accuse me of being a witch and bad luck in fact he must see something bad to say to me, being the church girl that I am I still pray for him and cry most night , he even locked me outside with my first son who was 7months then, we slept outside in the cold and a open compound no fence I didn't want to disturb my neighbours bcos I was trying to cover up my home, chai mosquitoes finished my son that night I couldn't sleep hmmmm, it affected me so much I looked older than my age I even had my last baby who is late now preterm bcos the stress was too much, b4 my baby died he was having so much health issues and including breathing difficulties ( bronchop- pneumonia).
It was hell for me, there was a time he had heart failure in the market I rushed him to the hospital, oga abandoned us there but thank God I had money, we spend 4 days without change of clothes. My people the matter was to much I had to run to the village with my kids, my mum really tried for us ( God bless her), we spent 1 month in the village oga didn't call.
So I decided to stay on my own, I moved to another state, work on myself to get my self esteem back, honestly it was hard but God saw me through bcos I dedicated myself to praising Him more. I started looking younger again, my kids were happy, everything was going well until I lost my baby, I did my best for him to live but it was hard he was always looking very smaller than his age, always sick I rushed him to the hospital, the docs and nurses tried I even gave him my blood but the little guy left me, most times I blame myself for his death bcos if I had left early I would have carried him full term and he won't have had health challenges but I still tried, taking care of 3 kids alone in this time no be joke ooo.
He was kept at the mortuary for 6 weeks bcos oga refused to come, I and some people from my village including my mum and my 2kids took him to their village for burial, his kinsmen and his mum were in the village and they took my late baby and buried him hmmmm, they asked that my kids spend the weekend with their grandma which I vehemently refused but my mum being a peacemaker and my kinsmen talked to me to allow my kids spend time with their grandma since its been long she saw them I agreed which was the greatest mistake I made bcos I was so down and weak no strength left anymore,
I was like the shadow of myself, I managed to get myself the next day like my sense came back I called my mother in law that am coming to pick my kids, she said I should call my husband which I did, he told me that I shouldn't bother that they are in a boarding school aaah, my head scattered, he won't allow me speak to them or see them. He filed a petition at the customary court in their village bcos we did only traditional wedding that he doesn't want the marriage anymore and he wants to have custody of the kids (5 and 6yr old).
He only came to the court once, and the court process has been slow and i am so bothered about my kids I can't sleep well at night. The matter now is that my inlaw is making plans for me to travel abroad by December, I don't want my kids to suffer becos their father is so irresponsible and wicked very heartless human being, he comes home so late sometimes he would spend days outside while we were together, I have decided that the dowry will be returned, he is asking for it. But I want my kids safe, I don't know when this abroad opportunity will come again, and this court thing is so slow, is it bcos it's in their village he most have done one or two things.
Pls lawyers in the house what should I do to make it fast, I need a deep and mature advice bcos I can't think straight right now.
God bless you all so much especially those that take their time to dish out good advice here, just know that your advice is helping a lot of souls.
I love you all
*WOW......good that an opportunity like this has come but please do not leave without your kids unless you know that they are in good hands.
Since the court hearing is in his Village,it might continue like this for long...can you not find out which school it is and go and STEAL your kids?..or trace where he stays and see if it is true that they are in boarding house cos they are too young to be dropped off (I think)...stop waiting for the court case and steal your kids back....Go street on him,show him ''if you can steal the kids,i can steal better..''
Stand up from depression and confusion and act fast.
I hope the Lawyers give you good advice though....
God bless you all so much especially those that take their time to dish out good advice here, just know that your advice is helping a lot of souls.
I love you all
*WOW......good that an opportunity like this has come but please do not leave without your kids unless you know that they are in good hands.
Since the court hearing is in his Village,it might continue like this for long...can you not find out which school it is and go and STEAL your kids?..or trace where he stays and see if it is true that they are in boarding house cos they are too young to be dropped off (I think)...stop waiting for the court case and steal your kids back....Go street on him,show him ''if you can steal the kids,i can steal better..''
Stand up from depression and confusion and act fast.
I hope the Lawyers give you good advice though....
Hmmm, let's wait for the lawyers to help out.
ReplyDeleteI laugh at women that put all their trust on their in-laws, their loyalty will forever be with their son no matter what. Mschwww
So he tricked you to get the kids, you need to play fast one on him too and get your kids back. Don’t go anywhere without your kids, you will end up regretting it, you will lose yourself.
DeleteI’m going through something like this too but nobody born of a woman can take my kids from me. Seeing my kids everyday eases the pain and heartbreak I suffered.
Poster i beg u with the name of GOd , do not go anywhere without ur kids. When u get ur kids put them with your mum and travel that is if u cant take them with you.
DeleteWhich inlaw?
DeleteIs it the same inlaw that their son is molesting you or have you remarried?
That part got me confused.
Madam was act fast!! Don't even wait for his village Court because it will NEVER favour you but him instead. He has already bribed them so act fast!
ReplyDeleteYes, he might have bribed them. Just act fast like Fan said and steal them back Kai Kai....
Delete"Madam was [sic.] act fast!!"
DeleteWetin you type there?
I come confuse. Mmmmmhhhh, should I put MUST there and see if
it clicks?
But there MUST be more to this ya early mor mor misyarn,
Ok, make I guess, amu matter dey happen or you dey whop side vulture
with bulala?
Anonymous sic, your own don turn to sickness. How much do you get paid for this job you have yourself.
DeleteAnonymous 'was use' Caroline English to talk. So therefore, it is accepted. Fan Emmanuel, carry go. Nothing do you. We gatcha!
DeleteIf she "steal" d kids, can she travel out with them? This one the man is out for blood.
ReplyDeleteIf u wanna go street on him, be ready to fight dirty.
But don't just leave ur kids , they too young, or come to a cordial arrangement, let there be communication at least, before one step mother will maltreat them.
This girl, you too get sense abeg... I swear I'll meet you one on one someday, a smart lady like you I've definitely got to meet.
DeleteSteal the kids mbok. What kind of trauma is this? 😢😢😢😢
ReplyDeleteAbeg wetin "mbok" mean?
DeleteMbok = Abeg in Efik
DeleteStella you gave the best advice ever, madam stop wasting time and swing into action.
ReplyDeletestealing is taking what does not belong to you. The children are hers and nothing like stealing here abeg. Let her look for a way to retrieve her children.
ReplyDeleteStella I love you!
ReplyDeleteMy love for you just multiplied bevause you sre not a pretender!!
Best advice so far from Stella.
Madam no slacking... go and get your kids, pls!
You should have poured this encomium on her birthday. Advise the poster or shut up
DeleteAnon 16:34 is it your encomium???
DeleteWhy so bitter... ntorrr!
I am using my phone and data to comment what I wish to, you cannot control that.
It’s a lie he didn’t steal them . So within a night of you dropping them off with their grandma they were registered in boarding?!!! 5 and 6 yr old just like that abi. Get lost on your own and leave the poor kids alone instead of saying you’re tired of them . You’re as useless as their stupid father.
ReplyDeletePoster please ignore this anonymous 15:28. You are not useless. You are a good mother who cares for her own through thick and thin. You have to get your kids back and you cannot trust the Nigerian judicial system to do that for you. Find a way to get your kids back from the boarding school or wherever and after that run away from that husband and his family and continue to be the good mother that you are.
DeleteDon't leave without your kids, do what you have to do to get your kids back. What a man!
ReplyDeleteSorry poster for not dropping advice.
ReplyDeleteBut whenever, I read chronicles and Fin about what women, ladies have to put themselves through to get married or stay married.
I wonder why there is so much fuss about finding a godly wife, a good woman, wife material because the general perception of Nigeria girls are materialistic. Sometimes, I just count the number of chronciles on a daily basis as oppose to the contrary comments of the opposite sex, and the numbers do not jive at all.
My question is where are all this men/guys? It's too confusing.
How did you keep getting pregnant for this man? That's all I want to know.
ReplyDeleteIdiot! I guess u are not married
DeleteThey always get pregnant and that's the part I don't get. A man starves you, beat you and do all sort of things, in the night you open your legs for him.
DeleteThis is what I will never understand. Why not use birth control
DeleteAs Stella said go street on him. Who court hep
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with dear poster.
ReplyDeleteIt is well dear.
It must surely end in your favour by God's Grace...
Stella I love you!
ReplyDeleteMy love for you just multiplied because you are not a pretender!!
Best advice so far from Stella.
Madam no slacking... go and get your kids, pls!
Those kids are already traumatised. The earlier you collect them from that bastard, the better. Make sure you do not go alone, but go with a strong person. Go with a vehicle and steal your kids back from that bastard. I just feel so sad for what your kids will e passing through in the hands of their paternal grandma.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you have to go through this. The customary court has jurisdiction over the dissolution of your marriage but the family court of the high court has jurisdiction over the children. Make a formal complaint at the ministry of justice in your state of residence. I don't know the state in which you live so I can't advise you on the procedure applicable in your state. But nation-wide, the default position is that the court will always grant custody of young children to the mother unless there is evidence she is not fit to take care of them. I suggest you begin to gather evidence that your husband is not responsible and fit to have them in his custody; I assure you that he is doing the same.
ReplyDeletePlease let us know how it goes and how we can be of further assistance.
Poster please act fast and get your kids back. Anyhow you want to go about it fine....but don't leave them with that man,they are too Young.
ReplyDeleteWhat is happening to this generation of men. So many stories of where the men are living off their women. Women are really stepping up. I still envy the olden days where a man had shame for himself. He knew he had to provide for family. Smh
ReplyDeleteHow can you steal what is yours?. You did not tell us if you will be privileged to travel with the kids immediately. Pay a lady to befriend your husband. Now that you have left. It will be easy for him to fall for another woman. Even if he did not fall for the first girl. Use different sincere ladies to set trap for him. Within one month. I bet you, he will fall but if he did not fall for any of those girls, get other girls to work on his male friends. The main purpose of these your paid girls is to get correct information about the whereabouts of your kids. Forget his parents/relatives in getting this information because you will not hear anything from them. When you get the information you are looking for, Visit the place. I said place because schools are on holidays at the moment, carry plenty of rub if you can't cry. Cry a river in that place. Create a scene. if they refuse to give you your kids. As per the court issue. Babe na naija be this. That case can go on for 30 years. So leave that side for now.
ReplyDeleteshe doesnt have to cry a river if she can afford to pay girls to date the husband
Deleteshe should go with security.. pay military officers and storm the place.. or pay armed thugs to kidnap the kids. shikena
why does this chronicle break my heart? some men are born wicked, thank God for the opportunity you got to live again!, please ensure the safety of the kids first
ReplyDeleteAnd of us women are born stupid. We have our brains between our legs.
DeleteWhen will Nigerian women learn to read the early signs and make better decisions?
ReplyDeleteWhy must the child be buried in your husbands place and not yours? Abi that will guarantee he goes to heaven.
You have suffered too much and still holding unto this marriage of a thing because if not you won’t have left your kids there, mothers advise or not.
You have fallen into a trap willingly and now you have to find a way to get back your kids. If he marries someone else who is wicked to your child then you will never forgive yourself and even those children might be scared.
Marriage is not by force and now that you are without husband have you grown a tail?
Get back your self esteem and ‘steal back’ those children. You should try as much as you can to take them abroad with you if that’s feasible.
So sorry for your pain, I felt sad reading this.
ReplyDeleteThank God you have the option of leaving. You're a strong woman, you will survive.
Please try what you can to get your kids.
Poster better go and get your kids. My ex did same to me, took my son from me and went and dump him at his parent's place. I was serving then. I came home one day and sent my younger brother to go steal my son from there. I cried setting my eyes on my son after 6month, he was so frail, dirty, and very hungry. His hair has already turned Dada sef. I changed him into a new cloth cut his hair, couldn't even wait to bath him so his dad and grandparents won't discover he was missing b4 I left with him. I head for Abuja immediately with my son. Best decision I made. Even when they called police and got my brother arrested and threatened every every, last last they piped down.
ReplyDeleteSo poster, damn the consequences an go pick ur kids, your future self will thank you.
This man didn't care about you or the children, why go through all the stress to go bury your son in his village? I hate most of our traditions mehnn. Madam, it is well, but shouldn't they be arrested for taking the kids by force? The kids were only meant to spend the weekend there, hope you told the judge that. I pray you get those innocent kids back. The Lord is your strength.
ReplyDeleteAbeg go to a proper court and insist he produce the children. Which kain customary court are you going to? Add petrol to the issue that you have been reliably informed that he has sold the children or used them for ritual so you must sight them to believe otherwise.Two can play the craze game. Nigeria is not bad like that. He will be compelled to produce the children or risk being jailed for contempt. After that the judge will decide who to grant custody based on stories from both sides. You wan throway 2 children go abroad. I wonder at some women!!
ReplyDeletePoster take this advice.
DeleteForget Nigerian courth, when I was going through my issues with my ex, the police told me children belong to their father, that is why children have their father’s surname and not the mother’s. My ex did not really want the kids with him that was why I won. I’m taking a step further and changing their surname to mine, to avoid stories that touch.
DeleteThe OP’s ex has to embellish the truth here and there, and they will grant him full custody.
@20:30
DeleteNna see another spelling of COURT oo?
Wow! No need for court anything. Just go get ur kids. If you are capable take them abroad. I don't understand how we women keep sleeping with abusuve men. You born 1,2 and even 3 for this disgusting man. He didn't play fair with you. So please don't play fair. Go and get ur kids back ASAP! He took them to punish you, he is a sadist and a control freak.
ReplyDeleteTHis is still one side story wish we can hear from the man to get the full gist. Haven’t said that,the man is to blame based on the ladies part
ReplyDeleteI would have said do all u can to get your kids but village court. I don't know how much money you have but do not loose the abroad opportunity cos you need every dollar to fight your ex and keep him far from your kids. Go abroad if you can't get your kids on time than as soon as you get some money come hire some people to get your kids legally or illegally.
ReplyDeleteI will advice you as a lawyer and from personal experience too.
ReplyDeleteIf the ‘abroad is US or Canada, leave the kids and go, he is their father, let him raise them for now. Do not write or sign anything giving up custody just leave the case like that and go. Before you leave mak sure you have your children’s original birth certificate, make copies of it and take to notary public and notaries them, it’s cheap to do. Then travel abroad and hustle hard, once you get there marry someone, wether for real or paid and get your papers sorted, get a job, go to school, study nursing...whatever is gonna work for you to make you gainfully employed. Once you get your citizenship which will take about 5 years if you’re lucky, then save money and plan. Once you have enough money, meet and immigration lawyer there and file for your kids, by then they will be preteen so they are still minors and easy to file.
Let them file petition for alien relative and when that gets approved, have it sent to the agency that will send it to Nigeria then apply for immigrant visa for big your kids, by this time your money will come into play cos you will need someone that will go and snap you kids and get their passport and all, once the interview is scheduled land in Naija and pay for three strong guys to go with you to grab your kids to attend the interview. It is very straight forward and will be granted.
Once you land abroad and start making money, send money to your in law and convince them to let you talk to your kids so that you can at least check on them.
If you take the kids now you won’t achieve much and they will be neglected here cos their won’t be time to juggle whatever hustle you are going to be involved in and kids.
This is a long term plan but if you have suffered enough, then it’s time to plan and make long term plans and focus and execute it.
Goodluck and sorry for the loss of your baby
Very bad advice. She should leave them with who? Those people who have forcibly taken the kids away from her? If they relocate, after that 5 years or more, where would she find those children to file for? Smh
DeletePoster, biko, don't you have brothers? As in able brothers that can face this man as man to man for your kids to be released. Fight to get back your kids before you travel out.
ReplyDeleteYour inlaw is making plans for you to go abroad? Which inlaw? And where is abroad for you? Pakistan &India,Saudi Arabia? Don't leave frying pan and enter hell fire.
ReplyDeleteWas wondering too...Same in laws who helped take your kids away from you?
Deletepls i beg you, dont leave the kids. I know what pain you feel and the opportunity you dont want to miss. At the same time dont let your kids look back and hate you for abandoning them. you sound like a fighter. you have the zeal to rise and shine. For all its worth, fight for your kids. Involve influential people in your village and his village, Look for military connections, contact NGos, set him up and produce evidence of abuse. Forget church girl for now, this is a serious matter. TAKE THEM BACK. If you travel, Dollar or no Dollar, you wont have peace within you if they are not ok. STEAL THEM. START PLANNING NOW.
ReplyDeleteI felt so bad reading your story, please do not live without your children, look for someone close to him, may be your former neighbors and track him down. May God help you to get your children back
ReplyDeletePls locate your kids and STEAL them. Forget the courts.
ReplyDeletePoster, please be careful of the “abroad” ; many horror stories are being heard these days from Nigerians in Middle East countries. If it is not UK, US or Canada be very very careful. If it is, still be careful as some people are forced into an evergreen housemaid situation there. Also the risk of forced prostitution exist. I would advise you stay back and continue with your business which appears to have been yielding good proceeds enough to buy your ex a fairly used vehicle. Per your children, try the children welfare board of the State then the State High Court all under the guidance of a lawyer. Search for NGOs online that have a focus on children and domestic violence, contact them and tell your story. That will help keep your costs low.
ReplyDeletePlease go to the family high court, leave that hos village court because he has bought them. I got Sole custody of my child and I will make sure he never have him in his life. Men thinks when a woman is humble she is desperate and stupid.
ReplyDeleteHMMM
ReplyDeletePOSTER, GO AND LOOK FOR ANY FIDA OFFICE IN YOUR STATE AND MAKE A COMPLAINT TO THEM. THEY WILL HELP YOU FILE FOR LEGAL CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILREN IN THE HIGH COURT OR ADVISE YOU ON HOW T GO ABOUT IT. THEY WILL EVEN HELP YOU SUE FOR MAINTAINANCE OF THE KIDS FROM YOUR USELESS EX. CUSTODY OF CHILDREN OF THAT AGE ARE USUALLY GIVEN TO THE MOTHERS AND NOT FATHERS,EXCEPT THE MOTHER IS TOTALLY UNFIT TO TAKE CARE OF THEM. WHICH STATE/CITY DO YOU RESIDE IN/ IF ITS PORT HARCOURT, I WOULD BE ABLE TO HELP YOU OUT LEGALLY.
ReplyDelete