STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
PRIDE OR PERSONALITY
Hi Stella, words are not enough to describe how grateful I am to have found your blog......
Hi Stella, words are not enough to describe how grateful I am to have found your blog......
I humbly request your opinion and those of blog visitors to my chronicle.
I am 35 years old, female, averagely beautiful but intelligent but very shy with a wonderful family. growing up in the north, I had lots of friends and was very active in church and societal activities. I was not all that outgoing but my presence was registered everywhere I went.
Upon graduation, I was posted to serve in Ibadan. I rented a room in a "face me I face you" yard. I am partially Yoruba and I understand the language but cannot speak fluently, so I had decided that the best bet was to pretend not to understand because of prior experiences I have had of being called "Proud" as I communicated in English even though I understood the language; my Yoruba friends from my university days used to think I was pretending. more so, I dreaded Yoruba's because of the way some of them curse.
I had a room mate from Lagos back in school who ate my food, wore my shoes, borrowed from me and exhausted my phone credit at will; but the very first day I requested to borrow a match stick, she told me she did not have one, assuming I had left the room, she then mumbled the words " awon da bin ti da, aso olowo di oloshi". so during my service year I watched and listened as I was being gossipped in the staff room and by neighbours all the while keeping a poker face.
my neighbours did not understand why my door was always lucked and the fact that I forced them to knock before barging into my room (they felt I was too territorial), did not allow shoes in my room either. after service I ended up settling here but my little service experience made me resent having friends, I only say hi if our eyes met, I do not visit anybody and I have a way of keeping an invisible yet strong boundary. I will smile and say hello to anybody I meet on my way out of the church on Sunday but will not spend a minute for a chitchat.
I do not have any friends and do not intend to have one until I understand the Yoruba card and is able to play it well; it can be boring sometimes but I am peace with myself and have refused joining church groups because I cannot stand the gossips, competition and the "so omo age mi ni?" among the female church members who are 95% Yoruba's. the issue now is: I am viewed as too proud and full of myself because I refuse to relate.
I did a personality test on line and the result is I am mostly sanguine and a little melancholic, it also says I am an introvert.
Please how can I correct this notion without changing my personality.
*Oh dear!
How did you do the personality test online? Well, over to your gist. just know that you can't please everybody. but just try to loosen up a bit hun. the lord us your strength.
ReplyDeleteYou can’t always please the world or tell them how to feel about you, most shy people come of looking snobbish plus your plenty rules have chased them away.
DeleteIf you want friends, make some if not live your life the best way that makes you happy and yes you are an introvert
Modella, there is something called Google na, use it. There are hundreds of personality tests online.
DeletePoster what is: "awon da bin ti da, aso olowo di oloshi"
Also, erm how can you be a sanguine and a also an introvert?
If your dominant temperament is sanguine then you will be predominantly an extrovert, even if your your secondary temperament is melancholic or phlegmatic.
As for your issue, lolll, no need for long talk, since EVERYONE you meet just isn't good enough, or might be gossiping about you, or might be a hidden enemy, or might be, or might be... pray that life doesn't humble you one day when you desperately need a friend in your corner but you've built so many walls that you are alone, and no one can reach you or even cares to.
16:25, I think she's sanguine and an ambivert not an introvert per se.
Delete16:55 You may be right.
DeleteHowever, my point is she does not in anyway even sound like a Sanguine.
Sanguine are predominantly bubbly, effervescent, garrulous personalities. They are not just the life of the party, they ARE the party. You can't help but notice them anywhere they are and they are uncommon with silence and isolation. Sanguine thrive and live for the social ecosystem.
Whatever temperament this poster is, respectfully, I say it is a very very sad and dangerous way to live.
Man is a social animal.
You CANNOT achieve anything on your own.
God will not come down and do anything for you.
He will position people to enter your life at every GIVEN opportunity. Key word here is 'given', you must allow the opportunity to manifest.
How can they enter when you've built walls and burnt bridges? They are the ones who will tell you when new job opportunities are available, call you up when you are ill, stay with you in the hospital,lend money to support your projects, attend your family and personal events, fight for you through thick and thin, accommodate you if your landlord is acting up and even search for accommodation for you, hook you up with potential cute guys that they have thoroughly screened and soooooooo. much. more.
Your personality is cold, unfriendly and aloof.
Your energy repels people and says back off before they even approach.
And people respond to energy faster than words.
That is what people are judging not whether your smile reaches the back of your neck as you greet them on your way to church.
The relationships we have (with females and males) will build, strengthen, nurture, expose,teach, invigorate, nourish etc.
As you are absorbing new positive experiences everyday, you are also releasing positive experiences with your friends and the people you meet and building your energy.
Poster, I am certain that you cannot be the only good person in a 7 billion global population. By all means protect your boundaries but also use that same energy to position yourself to receive good things and good people into your life.
Please, anyone who says this is the right way to live, does not wish you well. You are 35, ten years from now, if you continue to tow this path of emotional, physical, intellectual,(insert your own word) isolation, you will regret it.
I wish you well.
Mistique.
Annony16:25 , u too gat sence .
DeleteWhen God is ready to humble u, you will learn how to relate even if it's a close circle
Poster, you can't be mostly Sanguine and introverted. Sanguines are extremely extroverted. I guess you weren't honest while taking the test. You only imputed answers to personalities you wished you possessed.
DeleteI'll agree about you having a melancholic nature though. They are the suspicious people who are slow to trust, love their own company and like things done a certain type of way. They also secretly admire the attributes of the sanguine.
Anyways, just be yourself. Don't focus on changing any perception. Just focus of being a better person. Genuinely show kindness and if you want friends, try being friendly and be a friend.
Why not change your church and home to where mostly other tribes lives and see if you can cope and make new friends.
DeleteHmmmm....nothing is wrong with you, you are just a reserved introverted kind of person. I am like 80% of you. I don't mix, keep friends or socialize much. Especially when friends have shown me pepper. Over 10yrs now I ride solo and am loving it. I am always the first to leave Church after the grace is shared. It is well with you.
ReplyDeleteAre you doing advert online for husband? Saying you were active in church blah blah…
DeleteKuku do singe and mingle. You claim to be holy and a Yoruba demon will just approach and give you belle.
Ask God for direction and not send chronicle about being single
What I typed vanished.
ReplyDeletePlease live in Jupiter since you are too perfect and not outgoing. For now you will be the second person on Jupiter after that our Jupiter blog visitor u
U no get problem here,do what gives u peace abeg
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing to be changed Here.
ReplyDeleteThey are not just used to your kind of personality.
Just do you, they will adjust with time.
There is actually something wrong with you.
DeleteYou are a little bit twisted, I say "little bit" because you can still be saved.
1.) You are partially from a tribe you don't want to belong to and that is what is causing you to PRETEND.
Your hatred for the Yoruba tribe is obvious. It makes me wonder why you decided to settle there too.
That's why when you were in the North, you were sociable and now you are not.
2.)You seem to have a problem with everyone that you meet cos you think there's something they have against you.
Insecurity, you are very insecure.
It's not healthy at all.
3). Due to 1 and 2 you clearly carry around an aura of unfriendliness, it's just an handful of people who are ready to pursue people for friendship.
Nobody wants to rubbished.
Loneliness ain't fashionable please.
I see a lot of people claiming to be like you, guys, it's awful to be friendless.
Ain't nothing cute about that.
No one is saying spread all your linen outside but for goodness sake don't die in your room/house for days and nobody will notice till your body starts to rot and give a foul smell.
Dear Poster, the issue is not Yoruba the real issue is you. What have you done that would warrant gossip from people in the church even in the compound Check your
ReplyDeletecharacter/attitude and change.
Maybe you are proud and arrogant and people around you don't like it change.
@ cutest pat whatever she did or didn't do, does not warrant gossip. Live and let live
DeleteYABA LEFT.
ReplyDeleteGo and marry and get busy with more important life issues
Hahahaha, abi o
DeleteI can see some part of me in your write up so i understand, wish i can call you.
ReplyDeleteI've been called proud ,snob etc etc a whole lot of times but it doesn't bother me and you know why? There's nothing i hate like "come and say what you said" reason i don't keep friends.
I have problem with loud people and gossips we don't just click.I'd rather talk about myself than talk about someone else but i often become a subject of gossip.So i've learnt how to choose who or those i draw into my world.
I mind my lane a lot and people have ish with it, they go she is " too quiet" "whats she feeling like bla blah" " pretender" but i don't care.
I want to assume you are a Libra cos you display some of our personality traits 😊( hehehe was up last night reading about this zodiac sign).
Anyway continue being you,those who understand you and love you the way you are will eventually be drawn to you.I enjoy my own company a lot,i hardly get lonely or bored.
The only bad part of this personality is that i hate meeting people so i didn't really do well in sales role.I can give good presentations but walk up to people for where but with trainings i mastered the art of sales but didn't just enjoy doing it so i resigned.Funny enough even when i get admin jobs before i know it i'm moved to sales and i was never happy in that role.
My dear the summary of my epistle is create your own Fun.You will always get sad waiting for people to make you happy.when people show you they don't like you abeg give them space and to those who care for you open your heart to them.Also take yourself out,there's nothing wrong with hanging out alone.
❤
As in ehn! I hate "I tell am say, she come talk say... abeg nobody should quote me. I'm too blunt to be quoted.
Delete@ Gal
DeleteChaiiiiii give me a hug
I so hate that shit
it was as if I was reading about myself...im Libra as well, I don't feel lonely or get bored. I enjoy my company a lot. I relate with people at work, joke and play with people close to me but don't carry friendship to the house. I don't visit people and also don't like to be visited.
DeleteYou don't owe anyone an explanation, live your life to the best of your knowledge.
ReplyDeleteAt he end, its about YOU and not the world. Do what makes you happy
Maami u don't need to correct anything neither do u owe anyone any explanation. Be U...U will find pple who will like u for who u are.Gather ur self esteem and put it on like a garment every day with the "I no send" attitude. Learn from Stella. The truth is even Devil has fans.Don't mind yoruba pple ooo...dey like asslicking eeeeeeh
ReplyDeleteThe day you stop living for people, the day you stop thinking about how people sees you,think of you,that day you will know the answer o your question.
ReplyDeleteYou better be selfish, think of yourself, yourself alone,do what makes you happy.
There is nothing wrong with you dear...you are just an introvert...just like i am...the only problem with that is you cannot live alone...you need to trust a little and socialize...there must be someone that you can trust.....
ReplyDeleteI understand you, pls try and be yourself and don't try to please anyone. either Yoruba or not, people will gossip about you.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should try and loosen up a bit and you can start with giving people compliment on their dressings, looks and all with a smile. Just do what makes you happy. God help you
My darlyn that is the best behaviour on earth and you owe no one an explanation. Okay!!!
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hard on yourself, just know that people must talk because talk is cheap and note that you can't please anyone.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have a tough skin. The world will destroy your fragile heart but you can't run from the world either. This attitude will limit you, you will miss opportunities cos you can't relate and your network will be small. People will always be selfish.. So put yourself first. People will always throw you under the bus so don't be so generous.. Give and expect nothing or don't give at all. Stand up for yourself and stop hiding. fake the friendliness if u must, the world is a stage after all. I am exactly like you but I have grown beyond this. your choice to keep hiding if you prefer that.
ReplyDeleteChioma she should fake friendliness u say??? God forbid. Even God does not like deceit. And how will she moss her oppurtunities? If they are missed, they were never hers from the beginning. Pls poster be you, not everybody is social just do what works for you, my dear sensible people will throw themselves at u, they’d want to be frnds wth u. U will earn respect frm ppl. Kp being u pls
Deletewhy are you shouting my name, when u remain anonymous? all those people that smile at you , do you think they really care? they are just being friendly.when they make small talk, its friendliness too.
DeleteAbout missing opportunities,she alone know if it affects her or not.But as seen from most people here that are like her, they admitted as much.
and sorry, sensible people will not throw themselves at you. Its a cutthroat world and everyone wants to get ahead, in school, in the offices, in business every where. that is the plain truth. You must analyse yourself and push yourself to be better and to overcome your weaknesses..... Friends, family, husbands, wives, children heck even parents can fail you and not meet your expectations or standards .. dont become resentful or hide away just because of that..live goes on, keep your eyes on the prize.. its your choice though
Sweetie you have no business changing people's perception of you. People will always gossip. My neighbors in school then went as far as reporting to me to my cousin cause I'd rather be in my room than come out to gist with them. My neighbors during service also complained for the whole 10 months I was there. If you're more comfortable in your shell then stay there. Don't move even a finger to please people that have no investments whatsoever in your life. Let them gossip las las na dem go taya
ReplyDeletePoster I'm 100% like you. When I was serving even to enter someone room to charge my phone was a very big problem. I didn't even have money but I went to nnpc quarters n rented a self con n the area was mind your business, every house with high fence, and my neighbors knew how to mind their business, tho I was a thing of surprises to them.
ReplyDeleteI was always indoor, luckily where I serve was so far away from where I lived, my fellow Corper friends couldn't visit even tho I invited some. I was always indoor, and naturally I don't like those friend friend things my sister is my friend, and that it. And I'm so very indoor. So you not alone my dear, I hate she said. So I try to avoid that. But if I'm with people I'm comfortable with I can talk from morning till night. And I also have a very good sense of humor. If I'm happy be ready to laugh, but outsiders takes me as a snob, some days I'm a quiet type. Wetin concern me. The only disadvantage of this kind of life is, unless you have a large family that connects relationships to you, we don't marry early cos meeting people will be hard. I'm 31 still single but I have one of the best character.
Yes o.. That's the disadvantage. We don't get to meet people early .May God help us. We are getting older by the day
Delete@anonymous 16:29, I so much love your sarcasm. @anonymous 16:04, I so much appreciate the fact that you acknowledge the disadvantage of your attitude. It makes you be in charge, please never change or bend your rules. We will be glad to hear from you in the future and your advice for future generation. Be yourself
DeleteCan an introvert be mostly sanguine? I doubt it. An introvert who is a sanguine has it as a secondary temperament not as the dominant one. Sanguines socialize a lot due to their extrovert nature.
ReplyDeleteI think you have a problem socializing. People have judged you because they misunderstood you and couldn't be bothered about changing the misconception. You lived in a face me and face you building in Ibadan . I want to assume it's most likely most of the women living in the building are semi illiterate and might not understand your personality. You cherish your privacy but it's hard having that in such environment. Gossip is a second habit to such people.
If you don't make attempt to get close to anyone, people will continue to misunderstand your kind of person, judge and gossip about you.
From what you wrote, you try not to interact with people, it makes you look proud. Like you can't be bothered taking a minute to interact with them. It makes you look snobbish .
Find one person who is not loud and you relate with, become friends with her/him and see if things won't change . No one is an island.
There's nothing wrong about wanting or loving your company. I for one don't socialize and I can stay indoor for days without seeing neighbors. But one thing I have come to notice is it dosent really help. You have to be open and interact with people a little.
ReplyDeleteThank you for owning up. Anyone who doesn't want to relate or socialise should just go to barren land to form his/her own community. I don't mean to be harsh but that's the truth
DeletePoster am also like you so I can boldly tell you there's nothing wrong with you. The only difference is am choleric and sanguine instead of melancholic.
ReplyDeleteI have no tolerance for bull---- and that's unavoidable when you interact with people for they will always push your limit. Since am choleric am not a pushover so i keep my distance even more to avoid over familiarity because at the end of the day they will end up slandering you behind your back for getting upset without saying what they did to warrant it and since you dont have too much friends you have no one to listen to your own side of the story.
Even after church service the moment I hear the Grace, i already have one leg out of the church by the time they are rounding up am inside my house.
Just like you, People have called me proud and wicked as i naturally have a resting bitch face and all sorts of name because I mind my business a lot.
But I don't care cos am happy having my siblings and my family as my friend besides i have tried friendship but it doesn't really make me happy.
I am happy in my own company but i dont mind acquaintances but having close friends other than my family is not my thing.
Ask yourself, are you happy? If yes, good. Are you hurting anyone?, if no, then what people say or think about you doesn't count.
People would say be yourself, but when you do it's a problem, they would also say friendship is not by force but when you don't accept their friendship it's wahala. In this life just do you please.
Happiness is subjective.
DeleteThe caged bird thinks that it has reached its zenith until it is freed.
DeleteSays the free bird who wanders about without a place to rest it's weary head in the ocean of delusion called friendship
The gardener always thinks is own garden is the most beautiful
Says the free bird who wanders about aimlessly with no where to rest it's weary head and quench it's thirsty soul atop the ocean of delusion called "FRIENDSHIP"
DeleteThe free birds 'wanders' from place tasting beauty, sharing good, living and free.
DeleteThe caged bird cowers in the corner even after the cage is flung open and it is encouraged to be free.
Nothing wrong in thinking your own 'garden' is most beautiful, as long as you share of that beauty and are willing to enjoy the beauty of others.
Anything less, leans towards psychotic predilections.
Till it's feet is entrapped in the snare of the eagle, vulture and hawks and caught by the prowling crocodiles due to its incessant fluttering. Eventually rewarded with a bald head and gaunt eye with scrawny neck.
DeleteWhile the 'self-preserved not caged but smart bird avoids all these self-inflicting sadistic thrills and ventures out only when necessary and comes back home to a calm abode.
Thinking is different from knowing.
Its a thing for others to lie to one, but its a crime,very grave one of it's demeaning kind to deceive oneself while forgetting others don't see through your eyes.
Embracing ones realities rather than that others suffice more than living in fantasy created out of sheer complicity.
Awwwwwwww i love i love 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👊👊👊👊👊👊
DeleteLoll fear allows us to justify a throne on a pile of steaming dung. Lolll.
DeleteWhile the false aroma of sweet dreams alluded to happenstance in a single encounter conceals the blackened smokes of nightmares that brews underneath, be there exist a close knit marking than its necessary which leads one to mistake whole illusion for a fraction of truth.
DeleteRegardless of which the void closes in gradually marked by one chooses willing to become part of the floatsam and jetsam of life.
DeleteI see a part of me in this your write up. My dear, you have nothing to change. You're not proud. You're not a snub. That is who you are especially when you know you're not acting up. Just enjoy being yourself and don't take to heart what people are saying.
ReplyDeleteTry to please the world to your own detriment.
ReplyDeleteThis is the same impression I've had over the years about Yoruba people that I've interacted with and I do not have any exceptions.
I interact and wish people well irrespective of tribe or race. In fact, I hardly interact with my tribes people. I schooled in another tribe even when there is a university in my town.
Yorubas are fun to be with but that character flaw as noted in this chronicle is always there. I wish it is not so.
Here is another Yoruba person exposing the foul character/mouth of Yoruba people. Type this on ordinary comment days and it will not see the light of day.
Now to the poster, since you are a Christian. You will find people of like minds. It depends on where you congregate. But please do not sell your peace of mind for friendship sake. Even though you did not mention it, marriage is what concerns you most now.
All the best.
Poster continue being yourself, there's nothing wrong with you, i was just like you after friends showed me hell and it turns out well for me my kids are my friends.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to correct any notion cos nothing is wrong with you,most of us are like that, In my street,if you try to get too friendly with me, I shut you out, most people come close to you for their selfish needs and what they intend to gain from you,they call me proud just cos I refuse to relate with them in my neighborhood but who cares, my daughter told me after school one day that two parents were gossiping that Mrs Glamour is damn too proud, the other woman said maybe is that her 'kpalasa' car that is making her proud (lmao) I asked if she said anything, she said no but her classmates heard them cos they were all sitting at the Reception, I told her they are not important and I don't want to be friends with them and that I love my 'Kpalasa' car like that, my people two weeks ago DH got me a 3row space wagon that will size me and my soldiers very well, hahaha hahahaha, Nobody's opinion should matter in your life, poster what they are talking about you is getting to you and you are thinking you might be wrong, keep to your self and strive to be more successful that is what matters,even if you make friends with them, they will only try to bring you down and go back to speak ill about you,I know some that will only call me when they have birthday parties for their children cos of the gift I will bring,I attend such,cos of my kids.
ReplyDeleteHun I think U should explain ur personality to d ones U truly care about, others will adjust, especially those with same personality. We tend to recognize & appreciate people like us. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, U re only unique.
ReplyDeleteYou've closed yourself up too much. Open up a bit. Join a group, volunteer
ReplyDeletePoster, please loosen up a little. Am married now and is affecting me, my kids beg me to hang out with them, going out with my hubby is a big task to me. Am always keeping to my self. Sometimes I take alcohol to be free with people. My mates in school in are in high position but "introvert" me is just there.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm.
DeleteIt's a pity that they won't understand.
There gets to a point when one is so old that it is difficult to change. The best you can do is ensure your kids don't live this isolated, friendless life. It is well.
God will bless you ooo, I don't just understand how someone will say you don't want yo be talked about. We even talk about the dead. Whether you socialise or not, you will be talked about. The poster is even worried about being talked about and the perspective of people about her attitude Why not relate and separate the shaft from the weed. Choose your friends and never allow them to choose you. Se ogun laye ni...
DeleteKeep being yourself. If you dont associate with people they see you as proud it normal. all you said is true. i also pretend like i dont understand yoruba and get to here alot of gossips. its everywhere. Just learn to tolerate people and make few friends
ReplyDeleteSanguine are not in any where introverts. I think the problem you have is the issue of trust. You seems not to trust anyone because of past experiences. My dear, people have discussed about you and will continue to talk about it. Everyone around you can not be evil. There must be someone you can trust. Free your mind and allow love to flow in. Be wise and ask God for a godly friends.
ReplyDeleteThere are loyal friends.
Dear Poster, it is not normal! Let me shout it - IT IS NOT NORMAL. I mean, judging from what you have written (not from every other person projecting their realities into yours)
ReplyDeleteYou are closed off, you feel people are gossips and you don’t want their wahala. You’ve been hurt and you didn’t move on from it, rather it formed your personality...
Otherwise, how do you worship at a congregation for more than a year and you do not greet anyone after service. Amen and you’re gone!! You do not even let people close enough to be able to vouch for you not being ‘proud’....
You need little life experiments - first, is staying back after church to say hello to a couple people. Do that for a few sundays. Ask how they are? Did they announce visitors- go up and welcome them to church...
Start there!
Talking with people cannot turn you to a gossip...
And take that personality test again, this time, be truthful