Diary Of A Lagos Runs Geh- Ricochet Runs

This is serious!!!

So, this babe (let’s call her Joy) was dating this guy (let’s call him Tayo), and she used to flaunt him to everyone. Joy was the envy of all of us back in uni, because she had the latest phones, the hottest baffs and her apartment was really cute. Her furniture and fittings??

 Even some 9-5ers couldn’t afford such a posh apartment. She used to use Makari then (full range), expensive wristwatches and bags. Let’s not even talk about the human hair on her head, and over N1.5m breathing in her account (that was a lot of money for us then as undergraduates). 

She now gummed me friendship so me I 'friended' her to the envy of my neighbours. She couldn’t say one sentence without mentioning Tayo, Tayo too calls every second so you will even know a Tayo exists. He got her two cute phones, so when one is down another is up for calling. They were like two peas in a pod and when he finally visited, he took all her buddies out for a badass champagne popping night. So we liked him and whenever he calls we hail in the background.

She suggested introducing one of her friends (who I had become friendly with, let’s call her Peace) to Tayo’s friend. They got their flight tickets and went for the weekend, when they came back that one called me and was like she didn’t like the friend. That Tayo is slim and cute so she assumed the friend would look similar. But the friend is overweight, even though he is waay richer (they all worked for an international Oil and Gas Company). She also told me she has a feeling these guys are married and she doesn’t roll like that, but she got ‘Thanks for Coming’ of N150k and the guy asked her to call him if she has issues in school. She said she felt the guy was one of those really nice, generous guys who would be happy to have a girl’s attention because of their body image issues. We kept this discussion a secret and continued observing.



That’s how one day, Joy showed up at my place all upset. That she and Tayo were having a fight all day. That he is too clingy and she needs him to back off. I was like: “Guuurl!! You think he would be spending all this money and not close-marking his investments? Biko pick a struggle”. Then she blurted out the full gist. TAYO WAS MARRIED!! Haaaaa…. This same Tayo that we were hoping would pop the question soon, with all the ‘baby I love you’ etc…. Anyway, she felt that since he was, he needed to give her space sometimes as it wasn’t adding up. She had done about three abortions for him and he won’t even hear that he is supposed to use condom oh. That he wants to get her pregnant. Hmm!! I kept this discussion a secret too, as a secret keeper that I 'is' naaaah



Well, months later Peace called me one sunny afternoon and adviced me to be careful of Joy. That greed has set in and Tayo is no longer enough. She is now stealing numbers from other people’s phones to add to her ‘runs’. Said she started dating this correct Mo*i* guy and she was falling madly in love with, and next thing, the guy starts getting strange calls from a number. He reported to her and showed her all the messages, so she asked him to send this number to her let her warn the babe off. Only for it to be Joy’s second number. She was weak and confronted Joy the next day, and Joy used insult to cover it up and well they had a huge fight in the apartment building. So Peace was giving me heads-up and I took it in very well and avoided Joy, because they have known each other waaay before me. I wasn’t gonna get in that drama space.

But Peace wasn’t backing down so easily, she was to see the end of this. I guess Joy was jealous because Peace had a rich single guy and she wanted that. Peace now calls Tayo to report Joy, asking him to warn her to stay off her boyfriend. Tayo gets mad, flies into town and beats Joy up for cheating, seizes her laptop and tablet and then cuts her off her allowance for one month. Joy begged and he forgave her, but she and Peace became like cat and rat in that building until Peace finally graduated and moved out.

One day, Peace called that she had hot gist- Joy and Tayo had broken up and it was very messy. The gist is:

Joy tried dating another guy and flew into Tayo’s city for the weekend. Tayo’s ticketing guy at the airport saw her and hinted to him that she was in town. Tayo played a trick and ordered pizza for her, he now called her saying she should meet the delivery guy at the gate. Could she? NO! Babe wasn’t in town. She lied all sorts, but insecure cheating Tayo was not having it #TheEnd Petty Tayo called Peace to rant and that’s how she got this scoop.

The new guy Joy came to see in Lagos overheard all her conversations and left her some money for a ticket, asking her to leave the next day. So she seemed to have lost both ways, and she made sure she didn’t leave town without a fight. Tayo forgot that he was very stupid to have taken Joy to his matrimonial home when his family went away on holiday, so she found her way there on a sweet Saturday afternoon. Knocked on the door, his wife opened and she explained that she was Tayo’s girlfriend who has been calling him all weekend and he has been avoiding her calls, because she has done several abortions for him and her womb was destroyed and she needed a surgery to correct bla bla bla and she has come here several times for weekend trips ….. His wife fainted (I heard, lol) because she goes to the ‘fire’ church and NEVER believed her husband could cheat on her, not to talk of bringing his babe to the house.

Tayo called Estate security, Joy started causing a scene right in front of the house and you know how all these quiet neighbourhoods are. When security couldn’t handle her, they called the police who now asked Tayo to follow them to the station to write his statement. By this time his wife had woken up and also followed them to the Station. Joy showed chat receipts about discussions around abortion, but could not produce a doctor’s report for the illness she said she needed surgery for. Na there Police hook her say she be liar. Tayo claimed it was all done with mutual consent and listed all the things he got her, including a monthly allowance of N250k he placed her on. His wife was just there at the station crying in shame….. Long story short, Joy did not get a dime and the case was dismissed.


Tayo later lost his job (guess his wife fired prayers for them - lol) and he was blacklisted from the O & G industry for gross misconduct, so he couldn’t get another job in an industry he had worked in for about 15 years. He started a small business and when he started making a little money, guess what happened? Peace messaged me on facebook and sent me a selfie of him and Joy in Dubai. This was about 4 years later!!! Joy was still my friend on facebook so I knew she was in Dubai at the time. Shebi una dey see useless men??

 Anyway, we gossiped the matter and dropped it. Peace married her Mo*i* boyfriend sha……

 Tayo is still ‘happily’ married and Joy now has plenty varicose veins and burnt knuckles. Heheheheh



P.S: The other guy Joy tried dating and travelled to see was actually toaster I met in Lagos, who worked for that O 'n' O company. He gave me his card, i gave him my number and we started talking. I put the card in my wallet and put no thought to it, but Joy can't see oil company and her blood won't be hot. Nice fresh young yoruba demon sha - lol. After a while, the calls reduced. I thought it was because I had chopped N50k twice on 'flight ticket' and never showed up, so me sef bone the guy.

 A year after the Joy and Tayo police incident, he got back in touch and offered to take me out for lunch. He picked me from work and as we were catching up he started to say he had an experience with a girl from my uni oh. How she called him out of the blues and he liked her voice and they started talking and he invited her to Lagos, only for her to arrive and her boyfriend started calling and she was all hyper and dramtic and ruined his Friday night plans. So he had to sleep at a hotel that night and left her some money for her ticket. 

The story sounded familiar, so I asked him what her name was.... Voila! Her name was 'Joy' and he described her perfectly. I pretended like I did not know. So she actually stole his number from the card in my wallet?? hahahaha. Fast babe! Anyway, I wrote him off that day cos he is a certified runs boy too. Lol.