A BIRD IN THE HAND.....
Hi. Bvs. I need advice. I am almost 30 yrs. and I have never been in a relationship before.
I had guys asking me out but I had this mentality then that whoever I date will be the one I will eventually marry. I was very naive back then. I then felt those coming my way were not people I could date cos I was scared of being used . I wasn't spiri coco but I just had this mentality since I was 15 and it stuck.
Besides I was scared of going astray then. So I didn't date anybody. I had the most loneliest days. 2 years back I was depressed about life and everything so I just lost myself in it. So this year, I got out of my depression and decided to want to be in a relationship. Pressures from home are mounting on me. And most of my school mates already had like 2 to 3 kids .
I need to like ,love and experience what it means to be loved .But I am scared of making the wrong choice. Since its late already, I don't want to make the wrong choice. I see my school mates happy with their fine hubbys in a big car and I wish such for myself. Most of my toasters then had moved on from my constant saying of no. I regret my decisions in life actually. But I can't keep on mopping about life.
I need to stand up, hangout more and all. So I met a guy few months back. He isn't exactly my ideal man but he is cool and he isn't handsome, just OK . He has been asking me out and I have not been forthcoming. I like him but I can't say I love him. I haven't spent time with him that much. We mostly talk on phone. If I say yes, I will have to spend time with him and we both get to know ourselves the more (Behaviour and others) .
I think he might be serious. I prayed about him and 3 people said he is ok, 2 said they are seeing my hubby (I would have loved to hear from God directly but I have prayed and fasted but God did not say anything to me. I don't have dreams of revelation like some people that are gifted with such) And that I will soon meet my hubby.
These so called prophets have been saying soon soon since. This gets me confused. I don't want to date this guy and later dump him cos I found a better person. That will be unfair to him. I am someone who sticks to someone and always afraid to hurt the other person. This guy wants an answer from me and I am confused as to what to do.
Should I date him and if I don't like his attitude and meet someone else, I should leave him ? But that's hurting him and wasting his time , isn't it. Should I go in or not? I am confused. Stella pls help me post this .
*My Dear,isnt a bird in hand worth two in the bush?Please try out the one with you first and focus on him,you must not marry a handsome man nau,them wahala too much oh....
I wish you the best
At least give him chance first. Who told you another one is even coming?
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Give him a chance also don't forget to find out what he does for a living.
DeleteThere’s nothing like waiting for a better person, we all take a risk, if it works fine if not we tried, the way you are sounding it’s like you love being by yourself but you are just pressured to be with someone. When you eventually meet someone great how will you know he is the one, when you don’t give them any chance?
DeleteLet me give you an assignment, start with this guy, at least it will give you an experience on how to be in a relationship, you may fall in love of not then move on, you don’t have to sleep with him, just learn because the way you are going you will get to a point where they will just connect you and fiam you marry then you will start having issues in marriage cus you dint learn
Don't mind all these yeye fake prophets everywhere. That's what they normally say, very soon, very soon, all na wash o. A bird at hand is worth more than thousands in the bush. Please give this young man a chance, it's not a must the relationship would lead to marriage, scrap that mentality OK. And as for his look, when it comes to marriage issue, one really need to look beyond physical, just pray he's beautiful at heart and loves you very much. One can't always get 100% of what she wants in a man, if the man has about 70% please go ahead with him. So many ladies are still single and hitting menopause now cos they are still looking for handsome guys like Van Vicker, Desmond Eliot and Co. Please give the young man a chance and see how things will turn out. Goodluck.
DeleteGet to know this guy. Those pastors don't see nada, and God doesn't always speak directly to u. He has given u common sense for a purpose. Use your common sense sister, use it.
ReplyDeleteGod does please, he uses dream.
DeleteHe has saved me from players and wrong men in the past because if you ask me out immediately i take your matter to God and he shows me things about you directly in the dream.
My friends would say "it's a figment of your imagination that guy is a great guy", I would start having a rethink only for me to sleep and have the dream of the so called good guy in form of a wolf trying to harm me.
We later found out the guy was engaged to be married just wanted to have fun before his wedding. While another was a serial eater and a chronic womanizer, he asked three of my friends out the same thing using the same pick up lines without knowing they knew each other.
I have a very strong prayer life, I pray and fast more than I eat, and God has been/is faithful. Even without praying I would see you if your intentions towards me are bad and i avoid you.
Before I met my current spouse God showed me the wedding year, my engagement ring design, colour, his position in his family, our first baby and how our lives would be in the nearest future If I gave him a chance, his complexion and height too but I didn't see his face at the time.
So please Don't ever say God doesn't speak directly for he does.
How do I get God to speak directly to me like this. I desire this
DeleteI pray before I sleep and when i wake up. I mostly ask God for the gifts of the holy spirit, we have a lot of them, gifts of dreams, visions, prophecy, whuch one do you want? Tell God to give you
DeleteI pray 12 and 3pm everyday sometimes 6pm when i have the time.
I read psalms after praying, they are psalms for holiness, psalms for forgiveness, mercy, etc. Depending on the ones you yearn for.
Read the bible a lot, so you can say the word of God back to him in your prayers to remind him of his promises.
I fast almost every week, I do vigils too from 12 to 3 in my room and I also pray for others when I see them in my dreams why?, for God will test you to see if you have love in your heart or you have a pure heart.
Remember Matt 5vs8 says "blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God".
Always wish people Well, don't hold grudges, forgive easily, and keep the temple of the Lord which is your body holy. I don't watch porn nor listen to some worldly songs because I was warned not to in my dream,I listen to gospel music and inspirational songs, there are some movies I don't watch even if they are blockbusters because I do feel troubled in my spirit.
Let God know you are serious for him, tell him to come into your dreams and reveal things to you.
Remember the Lord says in Jeremiah 29vs13 "you will seek me and find me when you search me with ALL YOUR HEART". Its either you are in or out, don't sit on the fence, just give your self to Christ with ruthless abandon. He will answer you in Jesus name Amen.
I don't know if you are the poster, but you need to know who you are in Christ Jesus before you get into a relationship with a man.
As a Christian, are you going to put sex off the table in the relationship?, does he drink, smoke, go to clubs, if yes are you okay with it?, those he examplifiy the quality of Christ in the way he talks, reasons, treats you?, does he lead you to Christ or lead you to sin?,ask yourself these questions because the truth is the kind of guy you want when you are in Christ differs from the one you desire when you are in the world.
Thank you anon 19:18
DeleteFirst of all throw away all the advice all those pastors and prophets have given you. Our God is not one of confusion to tell pastor a yes and pastor b maybe. Besides it all sounds more like guess work and common sense they are using to bobo you.
ReplyDeleteNow your biggest problem is fear, indecision and being bashful. You’ve met a nice man who you say is ready to wife you. Why don’t you consider him. To combat your indecision list out your pros and cons and see how best he fits or scores on your list. Ask yourself questions like Is he God fearing? Is he generous? Does he have a reliable means of livelihood? What’s his temperament like? Relationship with his family? Health history? When he touches you do you get turned on? Have you ever felt the urge to kiss him spontaneously? What do you feel his true intentions are for wanting to marry you? And any other question you feel matters to you.
If he scores above 75% and he proposes I’ll strongly advise you both to commit the lifetime adventure you’re about to embark into God’s hands and enjoy the ride.
Now always remember that you have to be a bit selfish in a relationship. By that I mean if you continue dating him for the next six months or year and you see a man that scores higher on your questions list and you are sure he is ready to wife you, you should be able to walk away without feeling too guilty.
Above all learn to pray for yourself and trust your intuition. Remember that it’s not how fast but how well. I broke up a five year relationship to marry a man I met two months before. I did this at the age of 33 and four years down the line I have not a single regret. My ex is also happy with someone else and we are friends till date because we have gone beyond the pain and are with our soul mates.
I wish you all the best and don’t succumb to scam pastors and people putting pressure on you because of your age. You’ve come this far to now mess it up because of external pressure.
Please follow this advice
Delete@15:14
DeleteYour epistle come long pass the poster.
Nawaooh
Thank you
DeletePoster, anon15:14 just told you the truth, please listen to her.
DeleteI use to act like you before, I got into my first relationship at 25 because the guys approaching weren't God chosen for me and also because i always thought what if I see someone better would I need to break up with the old person and end up been a heartbreaker. I am what most people would call a spirikoko so I felt guilty.
My sister would tell me don't think about that just go into relationship with a free mind and if you see someone better go for that person because if your current boyfriend sees someone better than you he would do the same.
She said in life you should only think about yourself first.
So I did, i also didn't really fancy the first guy physically at the time I didn't even know I had a type, lol.
I just knew I wasn't attracted to him physically.He started bothering me for marriage because he was my first boyfriend. So i prayed to God and he showed me another guy as my husband and told me to wait till 5 years from then, i shouted five years wetin?, but I broke up with him without anyone in sight. Guys kept coming within those years but God kept refusing them till i met my man and i am happy for it.
Date him but don't sleep with him, and continue to pray,tell God to show you your husband, write a list of the qualities you want but please be realistic.
Since you said you don't have the gifts of dreams, he could use another way to show you if the guy is the one or not.
But please don't sleep with him.
I am anonymous 16:05 by the way.
Thank you anon 17:26
DeletePlease don't be desperate your own man will come. It's better you wait for the man that you will love than one that will make you more depressed. 30 is still young. Please don't let anyone presurrise you.
ReplyDeleteIf to say I see this kain girl( the poster) I for don marry born finish tey tey, but na people like Ladybug that doesn't have anything to bring to the table I dey meet. At least the poster has a good heart.
DeleteI swear you nor well at all. Eeeew, Ladybug don suffer for your hand. Lol
DeleteSkywhite, ask Stella to link you both na.
DeletePoster, get to know him better but don't give yourself to him.. Hope you understand what I mean by that "close your leg tight".
ReplyDeleteDon't listen to any prophet or pastor, God can speak to you too. Do fasting and prayer, avoid distraction while praying so that you can hear GOD clearly, tell GOD about this guy, you must surely know more of him through Our father in heaven.
I hate indecisive people with my whole being! They can never take a decision, always looking over their shoulders for some boogeyman man that is coming to eat them. Poster your chronicle gave me a slight headache, please don’t bother dating anyone or marrying and having children, you can’t make up your mind on anything and you will expose your home and any man that marries you to all sorts of Woli, Alfa, prophets, pastors etc just because you cannot sit your damn ass down and take a decision BY YOURSELF! Why do you need all these people telling you what to do with your life? So if you marry you will keep going back to ask ‘people’ when to sleep with your husband and how to run your home? Do you know that for each person you discuss your personal issues with, they will tell ten other people? Your matter will now be jist all over the place. Grow up jooor! What the fuck! Jeeeez
ReplyDeleteI will suggest you become his friend but be careful not to visit him at home I beg you. My dear you must not marry who you date, it is only when you promise marriage to the person that you become a wicked person, and moreover are you sure he wants to marry you too? Any guy that says old girl how far now? is not proposing marriage dear, be his friend, and study his character. Ask yourself these questions in 6 months...is he someone I can tolerate, live with, come to love, or bear children for. Most importantly is our faith the same, are we compatible in faith? or is he a religion pretender?because so many church goers/workers are pretenders. Finally, God still speaks you just need to faithfully seek his face and listen.Sometimes the solution comes from the word of God, not just in dreams, so move closer to God by not only praying but also studying His word. Please leave out whatever a pastor/prophet tells you. So many broken homes were brought together by the so called pastors. Seek God by yourself and wait for HIM to speak but meanwhile be the guy's friend but do not sin with him
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeletePoster give him a chance!!! If along the line you guys aren't compatible,you can dump him and move on..do not be pressured into it,most people that were pressured are all regreting it today,that's life! Life goes on......dont dwell on the past,,everyone of us has made one mistake or the other ,but life still goes on! Do not be carried away by your mates or friends marriages,in everything there is a season! Yours will surelycome my dear,just believe in God.It is well with you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you know there is no perfect man anywhere
ReplyDeleteI don't know what kinda dream man you visioned in your head .
But my dear you better hold what you are about to have tight , what if your perfect ideal husband never come .
I just wonnder if you know love at all. Maybe you just latched on to any man so that you can be married. My dear nnuku sexy the poster doesnt need to settle for less if she knows and trusts the God she serves.
DeleteIf you are a man and what to be in a relationship, what type of woman would you date. Be that woman - Be the change you want in your life.
DeletePoster what is even wrong with you?
ReplyDeleteAll your life you've been scared of being in a relationship and @ 30 you're still scared
Date him, get to know and he might just be the one.
I dislike people that cage themselves in a box...what have you been doing all your life? Waiting for a man to come to your and say he's your husband?
Stella who tell you say handsome men get wahala? As for the poster, there is no crime in trying. I wish you goodluck.
ReplyDeleteMake man matter no go kee some Nigerian girls ooh.
ReplyDeleteDon’t be pressurised by family, friends, pastor or church members; to be with a man.
Focus on building your career first.
You are not 30 yet, even if you are 30plus; don’t allow people control you.
Calm the fuck down and focus on your life and career, every other thing will fall in place.
Stop checking out the lifestyles of your classmates on social media, it’s not what it seems to be at times. There are so many fake people living their life on SM.
Don’t give yourself hpb cos of man matter.
Poster, since you are hell bent in getting a man bcos of your mates, why not try dating this current guy and see how it goes.
I wish you success in all your life endeavours.
Newly Janded
What's the guarantee that u will meet a more handsome man? What's the guarantee that this one will marry u? What's the guarantee that he won't be ur last? What's the guarantee that someone else will come before u hit menopause? Nne in this life nothing is guaranteed. Today u are alive tomorrow u are dead, today u are in love tomorrow u are not. Sometimes good things come in rough packages. Go for it.
ReplyDeleteStella, thanks for posting this. I appreciate you. I will be reading the comments
ReplyDeleteWhat is this?
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am wondering if this poster is 30 or 18.
DeleteThe prophet's you have asked is not enough. Pls get the direct contact of the Pope and ask him to.
All this jamb questions just to date a guy. Nawa i have migraine reading.
Stella na lie. I married a very handsome man wey no get wahala.His focus na money money money as per Anambra man wey he be. In fact, na me be the wahala because I can't meet his standards. He has tried to brush me up but to no avail!.. #Igboistic chick#😂(No be by merit)
ReplyDeletePoster you are still young, you better pray for what you want and allow God do it for you than going into what you will end up regretting.
Lol. 'They say' my ass! Na so i dey my own corner, a prophet told me they were praying and saw me beside their BIL. That they took my picture and another prophet(ess) said our stars meet, etc. Say make we try. Okay, after plenty talk I say make i no do like say i be winch. The whole time i am giving them side eye. Less than one month i found out.... the guy was still married and has not even filed for his divorce, only seperated in the country he lives in with the woman. And they are looking for who will massage him along the line, after he has been emotionally bruised by the woman. Prophet nor talk that one oh, them think say i go just follow because the guy get money and i (OBVIOUSLY) love the good life. Lol.
ReplyDeleteFirst and last time i will ever keep ear down for any 'prophet' gist. So if you want to follow prophet, i wish you luck. I advice you get your own conviction ooooh. I've told you!
I can't say your mentality then was wrong but your mentality now is very wrong. It's late you say? I laugh in Spanish. It is when you marry the wrong person you will know the meaning of late. Don't let anybody pressurize you and don't put pressure on yourself. Get to know that guy. It might work out and it might not. Love yourself and love your own company at the right time the right man will come. Guard the cookie jar and only give in because you want to not because he wants to avoid stories that touch the anus. Good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteLol. Others have heard or claimed to have heard god? Do you think god whispers into peoples ears? Please don’t wallow in ignorance.
ReplyDeleteYou either dust your shoes and be ready to make mistakes and accept them as learning points. Whether you remain a virgin or not would not make you a better wife and it’s neither a reassurance that you will get the best husband.
That’s why a lot of women or even men who claim to be all that become very bitter when they eventually find out that marriage isn’t perfect.
Men can smell desperation even from the first date. My advice is that you life your life and stop making marriage a donor die affair
Kwikwi, how about you don't wallow in ignorance yourself?.
DeleteThe bible says in 1cor2vs 14, the natural man does not accept the things of the spirit for they are foolishness unto him, neither can he understand them for they are spiritually discerned.
The gifts of dreams as other gifts of the holy spirit are your birthright in Christ Jesus, its nothing out of the ordinary for those in christ and yet its extraordinary at the same.
If you don't have any of those gifts check yourself.
Please I don’t have the gift of someone whispering into my ear and telling me what to do. Isn’t that schizophrenia?
DeleteMy own god directs me and I do not need and have never need 3 or 4 people to tell me what god wants for me without me . I’m not a second hand son or daughter!
All you have done is quoted scripture without showing any understanding. Check yourself too
Schizophrenia, like really?,kiwi fruit please don't make me laugh.
DeleteI am a clinical psychologist dear, and i am fully aware of what schizophrenia means.
I honestly don't understand if you are you trying to be insultive by calling me schizophrenic or you are just plain confused.
I just couldn't pinpoint the reason why you would mock someone else's experience simply because you are a novice to it, but I understand people always judge using their own reality, so it's fine.
You dont know me, we would probably never meet except we cross path and you need psychological counselling but to throw subtle shade at people who took their time to give advice is honestly, is way over board and you just overreacted.
So dreams equates ear whispering, like when you sleep you dream and it happens in reality?,hmmm.
When did I write up there that I go through medium to speak to my Father in heaven?, or where did i advice her to do the same?,please kindly point it out.
Yes the poster wrote up there she visits prophets which I didn't support but that doesn't mean you should call her a second hand daughter. She, just like some people just need to get closer to God themselves and that's what I had advised to do.
At your last sentence really?, The bible said "your daughters and sons will prophesy, your young men will see visions and your old men will dream dreams"( I won't put the verse before you complain again that I quote scriptures).
when Christ died he left us the holy spirit as our comforter and those are the gifts of the spirits evident in those who have him, or what other understanding do you need again except you are not a Christian, only then would i understand your ignorance.
I am not in Nigeria at the moment, yet I had a dream my brother just built a house, I called home to tell them they all denied it, saying it's wish fulfilment.
I had the dream again the second time and a third time I called home again gave them the description of the house I saw, they told me again it was a mere dream.
Only for my brother to call me a month later to tell me he is now a house owner, asked why they denied and he said they wanted it to be a surprise when I got back but i have already spoilt the surprise since i already saw it, hence the reason he told me.
Funny enough the description of the house was exactly as I saw it in the dream. If that is ear whispering, I pray it never stops.
Had a dream, a friend died I woke up with tears dripping down my face in real life straight from the dream. Immediately i stood up and prayed throughout the night, couldn't call the friend because we had a fallout at the time, but I kept on praying whenever I had the time.
Later I called she refused to pick( so I thought). I stopped calling but didn't stop praying for her.
I couldn't take it anymore went to the friends place after two months when less busy cause we are in different states,turned out she had an accident that same day i saw her in the dream ( i knew by the date)and was in coma for three weeks.
Nobody thought she would survive it,but there she was in front of me healthy with no infection or brain trauma, if that is ear whispering I pray once again it never stops.
I can't continue to write all my dreams here because I am busy and it will be a long read but please if you are a Christian and you wrote all that, I implore you to check yourself and stop acting like a skeptic or else you are an agnostic or other religion then thats fine.
Please,next time give your advice and don't disparage other people's comment it says a lot about you than it says about them and always write God with a big "G" (and dont blame that on auto correct)unless you are refering to something else i dont know then i apologise in advance .
Have a nice day.
Don't fork him close your legs are date him
ReplyDeletedon't fork
study your selves prayer fully
Please I beg you with the name of God,don't be desperate for a man. men can smell desperation a mile away and take advantage of you. I also had the same philosophy as you of marrying the first man I dated but along the line I began to feel lonely . I'm not ugly at all but guys are scared of asking me out because of my resting bitch face plus the fact that I dont go out often. Long and short of it I ended up with a guy who turned out to be a liar,womanizer etc.the funny thing was that God warned me of him in a dream 2months before I met him (I dream very well ) but I misinterpreted the dream to mean the opposite of what it meant (dreams come in symbols).I overlooked the fact that this man showed a red light that this man was deficient in all my Christian principles. Unlike your case , we were very compatible personality wise (our minds were becoming telephatic in less than 3months of the relationship . that was what made me like him because he understood me without me having to say much. At last it ended badly and I lost my virginity to someone that didn't even value it at all.
ReplyDeleteAs a dreamer and someone that prays these are my suggestions based on experience:
1 about your prayers God not answering you might be because the man is not his will for you or that you aren't ready for marriage according to him
2 stop seeking dreams, vieonsz trances ,prophets etc as a Chanel god will use to answer you. If the devil devil knows that you are too dependent on one Chanel , he can contaminate it. Eg demons can prophesy to u in your dream and you won't know it is a demon because you are too desperate for that dream. The holy spirit is creative in nature . he can speak by dreams ,visions,trances , a knowing ,he can drop a word in your spirit(heart) , and he can speak audibly. So you must train yourself to be sensitive to his voice not because you want to marry but because as a Christian, he should be a part of your lifestyle 100%
3 don't ask god "is MRA my husband". Ask him like this " God who have you prepared for me to be my husband" you can add a bible verse eg. Genesis 2 where Adam spoke of bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh.
4 I'll advice you to find somewhere you won't be disturbed by anybody ( cannaland camp,reedem camp, mfmcamp),take time off from work get a room there or lock yourself in your house /room and try 3 days dry or water fast asking the above question in prayer from god and reading aloud the above verse .
All these help you to be more sensitive to the holy spirit.
Many times, its not that god is not speaking its just that we aren't listening well.
Google how to hear from God. There are articles online to help you.
Finally , pray always and don't be desperate. Shalom.
God bless you for blessing me Anon.
DeleteThank you Stella and you all for your contributions. I appreciate you all.
ReplyDeleteAlright
ReplyDelete