Hmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
STAY OR RUN
I am in a two years relationship with my boyfriend but I do not feel comfortable with some actions about him anymore. Although I am not perfect myself as I have my own flaws. I will state his positive sides and negative sides as well. I will bare my mind open in my writings.
Positive sides: He is great, he comes to my aid anytime I need financial assistance or encouragement. He has given my sister money twice. Although he has some lines of flourishing businesses but he has 100k for instance, he can spare me 5k, and claim that he is giving out of the remaining 20k in his account. I do understand because I also work and he is still using money as capital for his business. He once gave me 28k and I added to it to get my phone. That is the highest amount he has given me so far. He can now shop for me and buy provision worth of 20k o but he doesn't send more than 5k to my account. He said he believes I have money since I am working. He has been helping with my monthly subscription and I don't use more than 2Gb per month.
He keeps in touch with me 24/7. He can call for hours and we chat. He gives me his attention and even flaunts me on his social media handles. Everyone knows that we are a great couple. I haven't had any reason to think that he's cheating, he doesn't smoke nor attend clubs. He is a gentle guy that do tell me that I'm his first girlfriend and he made promises to God to marry his first girl. Many people do tap into our relationship.
He has never raised his hand on me nor asked me to wash his clothes. He even sweeps sometimes if I am around because he knows, and I told him that I have serious allergies to dust. Anytime I want to sweep, or in a dusty area, I wear a face mask. He also assists with cooking and other house chores. I have met his parents, and I do keep in touch with some of his siblings.
People at home call him by his Muslim name and he has been to both churches and mosques. He told me he now attends church, but I don't really trust that because he doesn't know the importance of prayers and reading of the Bible. We have both attended church before.
Negative sides: when we first met, he made lots of promises, of which I held on to. I am a woman of my words. If I make promises, I always find a way to fulfill them but my bf isn't the same. He makes promises, even the ones that he knows he can't keep. Anytime he doesn't keep to them, he will keep telling me that he's not God, that doesn't fail in His promises. He can keep on stalling to get something or reimburse me of certain money for months, and may not even finally do that thing. Anytime I react to his unfaithfulness to his words, he will say that I don't have patience and that I am desperate.
In our first year, he promised never to hurt me nor ask me to abort but I got pregnant once for him and he turned his back at me for weeks. I cried, begged him and reminded him of his words but for where. This guy faced the wall, and asked me to deal with it myself. He ran for his brother's advice, who I see as a Casanova. That one told him that I want to milk him of abortion money and that my boyfriend should use a particular test kit to know if I was truly pregnant or not.
Positive sides: He is great, he comes to my aid anytime I need financial assistance or encouragement. He has given my sister money twice. Although he has some lines of flourishing businesses but he has 100k for instance, he can spare me 5k, and claim that he is giving out of the remaining 20k in his account. I do understand because I also work and he is still using money as capital for his business. He once gave me 28k and I added to it to get my phone. That is the highest amount he has given me so far. He can now shop for me and buy provision worth of 20k o but he doesn't send more than 5k to my account. He said he believes I have money since I am working. He has been helping with my monthly subscription and I don't use more than 2Gb per month.
He keeps in touch with me 24/7. He can call for hours and we chat. He gives me his attention and even flaunts me on his social media handles. Everyone knows that we are a great couple. I haven't had any reason to think that he's cheating, he doesn't smoke nor attend clubs. He is a gentle guy that do tell me that I'm his first girlfriend and he made promises to God to marry his first girl. Many people do tap into our relationship.
He has never raised his hand on me nor asked me to wash his clothes. He even sweeps sometimes if I am around because he knows, and I told him that I have serious allergies to dust. Anytime I want to sweep, or in a dusty area, I wear a face mask. He also assists with cooking and other house chores. I have met his parents, and I do keep in touch with some of his siblings.
People at home call him by his Muslim name and he has been to both churches and mosques. He told me he now attends church, but I don't really trust that because he doesn't know the importance of prayers and reading of the Bible. We have both attended church before.
Negative sides: when we first met, he made lots of promises, of which I held on to. I am a woman of my words. If I make promises, I always find a way to fulfill them but my bf isn't the same. He makes promises, even the ones that he knows he can't keep. Anytime he doesn't keep to them, he will keep telling me that he's not God, that doesn't fail in His promises. He can keep on stalling to get something or reimburse me of certain money for months, and may not even finally do that thing. Anytime I react to his unfaithfulness to his words, he will say that I don't have patience and that I am desperate.
In our first year, he promised never to hurt me nor ask me to abort but I got pregnant once for him and he turned his back at me for weeks. I cried, begged him and reminded him of his words but for where. This guy faced the wall, and asked me to deal with it myself. He ran for his brother's advice, who I see as a Casanova. That one told him that I want to milk him of abortion money and that my boyfriend should use a particular test kit to know if I was truly pregnant or not.
Bf even lied that his doctor friend in school was in town and that he will tell him to come and check me. I said no problem. It was later I got to know it was all lies. Anyways, two weeks after the news, he came around and started following me about for a solution. He gave me money of which I returned. A "pill abortion" was later performed by our mutual friend and I insisted it to be done in his room. He later became lovey-dovey after that incidence. He took care of all the bills, stayed with me during the process and during my healing process, which took me months. He promised heaven and earth never to leave me again and he spoilt me with good deeds, money and everything I wanted then.
That incident made me lose interest in him. I broke up with him after I recovered. Many people noticed the fight without knowing what led to it. They settled it and we got back. I started using maximum protection. I also noticed that he listens to the opinion of people. He had two friends then we do not see eye to eye. Anytime they are at his place, he will fight me because according to them, I lack respect and boyfriend always dance to their tunes. He also has some great friends that do say I am a good girl, a wife material and that he shouldn't allow me to go. I saw all these while snooping on his chats.
He does not give money if he is angry with me. There was a time I was with him and because of little disagreement, he refused to sort out our "planned" menu for days. I sorted myself out. He said he was brought up that way, he even rejected the food I prepared for us. I don't know if he has changed that attitude according to him but we had never been in that situation since the last time.
I am a private person who doesn't love involving third parties in issues, including my family members. I told him this and he said that we will not be involving people. Yet, anytime we have small issue, he will block me on all his SM handles for hours or days and his friends will start calling to ask me what the problem is. Some that haven't kept in touch with me for months, will start asking how my boyfriend is.
Also,I have a gift of dreams. I do dreams of both the good and bad things to happen in the future. I will fast and pray to cancel the bad ones. I do tell him of the ones that concern him and he will tell me he will pray about it, of which I know are all lies because he's not that spiritual. He started his businesses after he met me and to God be the glory, they are thriving. One line of business became three. He do tell me that he is lucky to have me as things turned out well for him after he met me.
The most annoying thing is that he told my friend that he was going to propose to the love of his life, which according to him is "Me" on his birthday, which was towards the end of last year. My friend put it up on her status that "someone is about to get engaged". I knew it was me because immediately the status came up, bf pinged me and asked the last time I heard from my friend. He asked if she told me anything and I said No. Then he said that he will shock me during his next visit. When he came, I checked his phone and saw pictures of rings and a cancelled order to an online market.
Few days to before val, he told me to send pictures of my hand that he wanted to see my nail paints. I hissed but still sent it s as not to give him any excuse. He came during Val, I saw recent saved pictures of ring. Two months ago, we saw again with some other pictures. I deleted everything and told him after his departure never to think that his silly ring or proposal stunts will work on me.
He was shocked that I confronted him. I told him to stop talking about marriage because he has been talking about it for years now without taking a step to start getting his place or setting a family. I also told him that I am not also getting married anytime soon because I don't have a juicy source of income.
He kept stalling his plans to move out of his parents house but kept spending on hotel accommodation and shopping anytime we see each other. I am not saying that he should not enjoy his life with his money but all those money could have been used to get a decent apartment. If I talk about that, he will say that he can't get a house because someone is tired of her parent's house.
I have lied to his brother to cover him on his request, only for the lie to pour on my face later. He do tell me that many girls are receiving beatings from their men for half of what I am doing and will still not leave their men. So, I should be grateful that he is not beating me or giving me too much of house .
According to him, I also do offend him and he do forgive,but find it difficult to forgive him. He also compared me to girls that do give their boyfriends money. Well, I don't believe in giving guys money but I do buy him gifts, even on days that are not even his birthdays. During his last birthday, I baked a surprise cake for him and supported him with 5k to support his party.
About 6 weeks ago, he told me that I do lie about my "stupid" dreams so as to manipulate him, and that how come none of my bad dreams has not come to pass in his life. He told me that all his success are not because of someone's prayers. I had issue with him of recent and he told me to stop my abortion blackmail because I was not the first and won't be the last woman to do that.
About 6 weeks ago, he told me that I do lie about my "stupid" dreams so as to manipulate him, and that how come none of my bad dreams has not come to pass in his life. He told me that all his success are not because of someone's prayers. I had issue with him of recent and he told me to stop my abortion blackmail because I was not the first and won't be the last woman to do that.
He said that I am a stupid girl that doesn't think and there are numerous women in the world with more sense and character. He said he is hardworking, doesn't beat me, ask me to wash his clothes, doesn't go to joint to pick girls, so what else am I looking for? I simply told him to go get one of those girls and I haven't gone back to him for three weeks now. I hope I am doing the right thing? Then he said that my lack of patience won't make me reap the fruits of my labour on him.
He has started telling people to beg me but unlike before, I have decided not to give anyone of them audience. I don't reply his chats nor pick his calls. My mum has also started questioning me and she thought my stubborn attitude is making me to lose a great man, because I never for once told her any of these things. She knows him only for his good sides. She knows he's my only boyfriend, and she is telling me not to leave him because of what our family members (that have seen us together) will say. I have my own wahala too and mum always advise me to settle for a gentle guy that won't beat me. But, I think this guy is beating me emotionally and psychologically.
He has started telling people to beg me but unlike before, I have decided not to give anyone of them audience. I don't reply his chats nor pick his calls. My mum has also started questioning me and she thought my stubborn attitude is making me to lose a great man, because I never for once told her any of these things. She knows him only for his good sides. She knows he's my only boyfriend, and she is telling me not to leave him because of what our family members (that have seen us together) will say. I have my own wahala too and mum always advise me to settle for a gentle guy that won't beat me. But, I think this guy is beating me emotionally and psychologically.
*JESUS see drama ina relationship ooooooooooh...when this graduates into Marriage i wonder how the drama will play out..My dear this is a toxic relationship.....I dont see it working out oh,unless you wanna try ya luck!!!
RUN!!!!
Hian,babe I gat no tym fu dis ya assignment..
ReplyDeleteI didn't read all abeg
DeleteBut Poster when you start having doubts like this, the answer should be to run
Relationship is not for kids! Both of you need to grow up abeg.
DeleteAnd by the way, poster stop focusing on his money and make yours abeg, he doesn't owe you. money this money that is too much in this narrative. Arrgh!
SH NEVA SAID SHE IS AN OLIVER TWIST!!!!!
DeleteThis is truly an annoying novel. I swerve.
DeleteNne, who did this to you? Let me try to summarise your life and that of your boyfriend.
Delete1. I see two immature people in a relationship
2. You sounded so desperate to have this man
3. You have that entitlement mentality that a man must give money to a woman
4. Your friends knew you are desperate.
You aborted a pregnancy just to make a man happy
5. There are a lot of people in this your relationship.
6. Your boyfriend is playing games with your desperate mind.
7. No matter what you do, that guy does not value you and will not.
8. You look more like a liability to him than an asset.
Take a break from whatever play you guys have, build up yourself, change your mentality and step away from him. Next relationship, carry yourself well, value your worth as a woman and let your man treat you as a lady. Don't suffocate men with your ideal idea of a successful man. Men love women who are industrious and creative but no desperate ones. For writing this chronicle, you have already gone back to him. This relationship is devoid of happiness, closeness and openness. I wish the very best.
kisses on your forehead..you Nailed it.
DeleteLeave him! He is manipulative. What does he mean by comparing you to other girls. He should go to them! He thinks he doing you a favour! Which wouldn’t end well in the future, you will come back with a greater chronicle, so leave now!
DeleteNext, we all know you have your own fault, which is you shouldn’t pressure a man to propose etc, you can bring marriage up, if you two have been dating for a minute , but bring it up nicely “tell him you don’t believe in long courtship” and leave it at that, should he not take hints, you walk away! He isn’t the only man.
Next, why do you think him sweeping, giving you this little money here and there is doing you a favour?
No! He is doing his duty as a man, trying to provide and taking care of his surrounding as the human being he is. That’s all! So in your next relationship (I’m hoping you leave this baggage) try not to think anyone is doing you a favour by doing house chores or giving you peanuts.
Poster I think your last statement says it all. So why are you still wasting time contemplating? Move on already!
DeleteNna eh
ReplyDeleteThe way some of us conveniently take abortion bills for one stupid scum bag beats me.
Babe, you're in a mess and you need to get out of it asap.
Ah!
WELL SAID!!!
DeletePoster pls just forget about him biko. Wetin be dis
Delete"He does not read bible, I don't trust him"
DeleteYou that read bible and fornicate and kill by abortion
who is better?
Leave him! You will still come back here to rant about the next one. You are just ranting. He doesn't give you money, he doesn't give you accolades for your mumu dreams. Don't pray about one of ur nonsense dreams and let's see what happens. You are the manipulator. The abortion stuff is because he felt u want to raise money based on ur antecedent. If this is the definition of toxic relationship then every relationship is toxic. These ones wey their husbands dey slap them every morning go dey form I'm in charge online. Be humble and contribute to the relationship. You dey work abi??
DeleteThis one would see devil with her koro koro eye and enter one chance, later someone will be talking about domestic violence .
DeleteLet me make it easy for you
Reasons why you should run away from this ship
1. He doesn’t put your first
2. Compares you with other women who are receiving shit in the name of having a spouse
3. Seeks other people’s advice before yours
4. Not a man of his words
5. Made you abort a child
6. Emotionally and verbally abuses you which in some cases is worse than the physical one
The list is too long, if you like enter because he is crying crocodile tears, I will be waiting for many more chronicles from you
Choi too much drama. Poster if you can cope with him stay but if you can't Pls run
ReplyDeleteMy dear RUN
ReplyDeleteAnd you are still asking if you should run?
ReplyDeleteI WONDER OOOOOOOO
Delete“He said that I am a stupid girl that doesn't think and there are numerous women in the world with more sense and character.” Poster, I was already thinking this exactly about you before I got to the part where you said he said it. That up there is exactly what he thinks of you and he’s still milking you and he’ll leave you for a girl with better sense and character after he’s sucked you dry and worthless. You better remove yourself from that situation now. Tell your mother everything you’ve told us, even add jara so she can leave your neck alone from trying to pressure you to be with him. Start valuing yoursel so that other guys can value you. This is not an insult but an observation; he’s taking advantage of your stupidity, naivety, desperation, low self esteem and brainwashed state. HE WILL NEVER VALUE YOU. You need to completely cut off from him and start a new fresh story of your life. Your story with him is very tainted and disturbing, it would only get worse. You’re more valuable than this. YOU ARE WORTH MORE. Break away already ........... Just Me
DeleteRun!
ReplyDeleteI am late , please let me perch here..
DeletePoster, this guy is an agent of confusion. He is playing mind games with you and winning. He knows that by dangling the bone (marriage / fruit of labour) in your face, he can keep you go swinging like a yoyo. So the question is, are you a puppy???
You see this guy you described up there WILL NEVER MARRY YOU, he is not delaying because he is not ready , he is holding out for something better.
Don't be there writing chronicles while he is the studio taking pre wedding photos.
Nwa nne, be the one to shock him. Prove him wrong. Him and his brother and friends that he has finished describing the shape of your toto to.
Do this without delay.
Good luck.
Madam I think you should google 10 signs you are in a relationship with a narcissistic man... Your man has a lot of their qualities,you better flee before it gets even worse than this.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back Wonder Tosin. Nice to have you back.
DeletePoster, please, this relationship is not worth it at all. Please, quit.
ReplyDeletewell said jawe...d guy got awhole of issue & does not respect her
DeleteMarriage is sweet but not a bed of roses, both of you should be willing to make it work.
ReplyDeleteYou both are still young, I believe you can sort your issues with more tolerance and communication.
2 years n he still lives with his parents? made her abort n feels he's Gods gift to women? She's still young better to leave before you keep aborting for this narcissistic dude. He's only using the shady promise of marriage n the fruit of your labour to tie you down. This guy is bad news, I know his type too well. You'll find someone better I promise you.
DeleteAnon you are mad.Sort out what?? This relationship that is already dead on arrival. Shiooor
DeletePick your stiletto heels, dust them, don't look back oh, 1 2 3 RUN. Run as fast as your legs can carry you. This guy is a professional time waster and a selfish pretender.
ReplyDeleteDon't put all your eggs in one basket. Use your head and be smart. Don't cut him off, don't shut others out too. I really don't like double dating but men re now so annoying nd so many time wasters. It is well.
ReplyDeleteCut the mother fucker off please. You don't need such toxicity
DeleteI was saying manage him in my mind when I was reading d social media blocks, until I got to d verbal abuse. Wtf???
ReplyDeleteSometimes people bring out d worst in people.
Your own dey your body too.
So, you've been blackmailing him.? And u forgot to tell us?
You are both verbally abusing your selves.
I think u both need to sit down and be truthful to yourselves.
Write down what u hate and love about each other, exchange the papers and see If u can work on them.
Note: if there is no clear commitment or effort to doing Better, y'all should disband.
Ps: Nigerian men are not yet there. If u ever get pregnant to a guy and you think he ain't ready, take care of it yourself. Don't tell him.
@ Anonymous Donor that last line got me "so if a girl get pregnant for a man and he aint ready, then she shouldn't tell but instead take care of it herself and not tell him?? What an irresponsible advice that is. that is why the so called Nigerian Men thinks they are God and then they can behave anyhow. Dear Poster please you have to tell it to God in prayer and give your distance because marriage is not for small minded people as my mummy always says. Learn to accommodate other prospective men and keep an open mind while staying away from Sex with both of them so you can think with your head correctly and not with your bumbum. most importantly be self independent to command respect.
DeleteRun for your life
ReplyDeleteManipulator typical emotional abuser. Emotional abuse is even worse, it messes up with you psyche. Difficult to recover from. RUN
ReplyDeleteMy dear poster. What you see now is what you get. That's it. I have Bern married for almost 30 years now. My husband used to make promises when we were courting that he would not keep. I would forgive and overlook. It's been a he'll of a frustrating walk down the marriage journey with him. When I got pregnant for our third baby, he turned his back on me because he didnt want any more children. See poster. What you see now is what you will get. The good and the bad. And if you are feeling that you cannot cope then trust me, you cannot. It will be a life of frustration and regrets.
ReplyDeletePoster you are stubborn and your mum confirmed it. If the guy is a Muslim, forget about marriage with him.
ReplyDeleteGirl listen and listen good! Run for dear life! Like one BV said the other day, balance your bag on your head, take your bucket and your mop and run for your life.
ReplyDeleteWe all know you will not listen, you will still go back to him, but please do not come back here with marriage chronicle.
I promise that I will not go back to him. Stella, thanks for posting. Bvs, thanks for the advice. I will continue reading the comment.
DeletePoster.
Poster is he a Sagittarius? Na their way
DeletePoster, dump that guy like hot akara
DeleteYou know that kind running ba? Lolll. Wey be say until you sight border of Cotonou before you stop. LMAO.
DeletePoster you are dealing with an emotional manipulator. The scars of emotional manipulation cannot be seen but will last you a lifetime if you survive it.
Anon 15:58, wasn't planning on commenting because at the end of the day most posters do what they want,but you melted my heart with your reply.
DeleteThough am not Anon 15:26, i hope you take this advice of mine too, yes a man has to take care of his women but the way you went about it was wrong that they felt you cooked up a pregnancy story to rip them off.
You don't have to be so obvious when you want money from your man and please don't listen to all these feminists saying you have your own money why want his money?. I make seven figures and my man spends, he bought properties in my name and i am team celibate.
Look if a man isn't spending on you then he is probably doing that for someone else, or doesnt love you or probably stingy. Real men spends on their women if they have the money.
Still, i say please stop acting like it's your birthright for i noticed your emphasis was more on money.
Stop acting like a leech, for thats how he sees you and make yourself into a woman a man finds worthy of spending his hard earn money on.
Work on your self, you indirectly said your prayers weren't acknowledged even though his business has blossomed since the past two years you have met and he said your prayers didnt work for him.
Well,how about you use all that energy you exhaust in praying for yourself instead of a man, don't you want to be successful too?
In those two years, how has your own life been, you have a job, yes but have you improved financially, intellectually, gained more business acumen, done more professional courses, boosted your CV, gotten side hustles etc.
Listen, the men of today also want a successful woman.
Moreover, you strike me as someone who always wants to be praised when things go right. Someone who claims the accolades when things becomes fruititious, work on that", for no one wants to be constantly reminded of how they wouldn't have been somebody or made it in life, if not for so and so.
Stop having sex before marriage you have a lot to loose if that guy marries you, which am sure he is not planning too because if for no reason you experience a delay in childbirth the whole family will make a reference to your womb.
Stella it not toxic. They are just children in relationships n also she trying to explain everything to us also added n messed things up. Your problem is you really want to settle down n the guy is scared of marriage. So many men are scared of marriage. And also his problem is relying on what people say n more of mummy boy.
ReplyDeleteI ran fast when a 42yrs old rich man son told me there nothing wrong marrying me to their family house that I'm so backwards in my thinking. Kia I ran oooooooooooooooooooo till I didn't want to stop. Tufiakwa oh.
I cant type much right now, but in simple terms:
ReplyDelete* The boy you are dating is immature and emotionally abusive (you don't want to marry a man who uses silent treatment).
* You guys are incompatible.
KEEP RUNNING.
Exactly, he blocks you on social media when you are both not in good terms?? Waow that guy is soooo immature. If you marry him, he is going to always give you the silent treatment o. Would not eat your food and would throw you out of the room. What am really concerned about is his religion or lack of it, if he is Muslim but, pretending to go to church. My dear, run, you are gonna find yourself in deep shit after marriage.ladies please please and please, learn to say no to sex. Sex is not an automatic door to marriage. In fact, it prevents marriage in most cases cos, once you open your legs, his respect for you reduces and he eats, cleans mouth and moves on. And if pregnancy comes, hehehehe, you begin to see his true color. There is a huge difference btw love and lust. Please, ladies take note. A man who loves you will stay no matter what, to encourage you and impact good things into your life. But, a man who is in lust with you is gonna walk away when you say no to sex. Ladies, let's learn to value ourselves. No man is worth the agony of an abortion, no man is worth our peace, happiness and most importantly, our salvation. Remember, In the end, it's Everyman for himself o. May God help us all. Amen
DeleteYou sound so childish mehhhn....it's obvious you need a lot of tutoring on relationship matters.
ReplyDeleteHe is a good man listening to bad friends...i think u should seat him down nd talk sense into his brain..tell him to stop listening to bad friends advise..if he wnt the relationship to work out..if i may ask,is he a yoruba dude?
ReplyDeleteSituationsheep, just end it wt ds Narc and move on
ReplyDeleteSee chronicles, I really don't appreciate people who are narcissistic and egocentric. It's nauseating, thinking you're too good and there isn't a better you. Also the abortion thing, I don't think he's ready for a future o. There are Just so many red flags, but anyways it all depends on you ,and you need to ask yourself ,five years from now, do you picture a blissful future with him, are you ready to tolerate and compromise a lot? I wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteso your working class boyfriend whom you are stylishly presuring for marriage, lives with his parents and rather than plan towards marriage/independence uses his money to pay for short time in a hotel with you?
ReplyDeleteAnd you consider him your Prince Charming Sir Lancelot abii? Lord help me to raise my daughter wisely, help me to raise her to know her worth...to know that no man will be doing her a favour by loving her, worshipping the ground she walks on, nutures and cares and provides for her at all times, does not hurt her emotionally/physically or mentally in jesus name.
PS - the most difficult abuse to heal from is emotional and mental abuse and frankly, it appears you are both abusive to each other...you blackmail him with aborshan and he is doing the same because he believes you cannot get a better boyfriend than him
My ex was living with his dad then. Always promising to move out plus other irritating character I noticed. I dumped him after 3 months abeg. I'm too blessed to be frustrated
DeleteMy dear poster, the relationship is toxic already or do u wanna keep on involving third party in ur marriage any time you guys have issue. I don't understand the part u said they call him sometimes by his Muslim name, does it mean he's a Muslim or what? if he is be ready to be converted soon when u eventually marry him. Please walk away now that you can. Thanks
ReplyDeleteHe's feels he's a blessing to you , more valuable and you needs him more than he needs you. Its your choice. Let your spirit speaks to you and decide what you want.
ReplyDeleteThis is what we call emotional abuse. Walk away from that relationship if you have doubts about him and if your happiness is being threatened. Nne, it's not a do or die affair. Another guy will come.
ReplyDeleteNot all that glitter is gold. I bet most bv will ask you to leave his ass and go look for another bf but my dear permit me to implore you to send this link to him. Let him read and see what people have to say about his kind of attitude. Relationships can't be smooth all the time, see if you can each work on yourselves cos nobody holy pass. If you dump him for another guy how sure are you that the new guy wont have much worse issues. I'm just saying give him one more chance.... pls. But don't marry him if he doesn't change his bad ways.
ReplyDeleteForgive typos if there's any
Lolll it is this kind of advice that have led so many woman to marriages that have left them captive is sorrow.
DeleteSomeone is showing you his TRUE colours CLEAR like street light, you are saying give him one more chance. That is the scum of desperation talking and you are the mascot.
Is it not at this point that he will even pretend and then unveil his real nature once he has married.
Dude isn't even bothered. Even feel he is doing her a favour by allowing her to breathe the same air he is breathing. He knows she is desperate for marriage. If she goes, there will be more desperate women like you to fill the gap anyways.
You are a real chameleon, so if she’s your daughter you wil advice her to go through with it, even with the fact that he is a Muslim, lasted after two kids they will be telling her to move in with his parents, you are not a nice person, kindly tell her the truth, like you will be advising your own child
DeletePoster let me give you this advice from a man's point of view... This is a classic relationship with it's normal ups and downs. One problem is you are watching. He cannot be perfect, of course he's gonna quarrel with you and say words. What do you expect? You can't use every words of his to hold him to ransom. Of course promises will be broken and mistakes made that's normal.
ReplyDeleteNow I do think from your write up, both of you shouldn't be thinking of marriage as both of you haven't experience life. I'm sorry in this day and age marrying your first girlfriend or boyfriend is a very though one. There's always gonna be that feeling of what if. With the emergence of social media in this generation, it almost doesn't work out. And talking about generations, you both have different generational mentalities. I noticed from your write up that you are the traditional type of girl who is spiritual, believes in the traditional beliefs where everything stays indoors and dealt with maturity while your boyfriend if more of a modern man who don't believe in spirituality and doesn't hold strong religious views so doesn't care if he attends a mosque or a church. Right now, his vow to marry his first girlfriend is what is keeping this relationship. This vow must have stemmed from a deep occurence in his childhood or from stories he heard from a prominent figure in his life. Marriage needs experience hands sometimes.
Now to you the poster my advice to you... There's nothing bad in giving your boyfriend money. It is part of a relationship unit. You can't be going into a union as sacred as marriage and still hold the childish opinion that you can't give a man money. No man would want to spend his hard earned money to someone who wouldn't do the same if the tables were turned. And let me put these out there to both men and women as only few will get this point which by all account is open for interpretation.. If you are going into a marriage or are married and you still feel the need to hide funds from your partner, if means there is a fundamental issue in that marriage. In marriage, 2 becomes one. If you don't have that best friend who you trust enough to plan and strategize together with including finance, your marriage isn't or will not be perfect. So poster in your hearts of hearts, you know the answer to which you seek. I have a feeling that deep down, you want to try what's out there and so does he. Maybe take some time off from the relationship, in good terms I must add, and go and see what's out there. You never know what both of you might find.. Goodluck
Lol! You’re truly a man, we did expect you to say anything different. Poster, of you love your life, you better pick race and run very far!
DeleteI put it to you that you are the" boy" the poster is dating. Shioor. Plenty rubbish you typed
DeleteYou Anonymous are Fool, it’s been so fucking long i commect but I just have to say this , Makoko na man you be , All this stupid women are saying you should leave the relationship, will died there if it’s there own , Madam what do you want gan gan is like you are mad your own, are you saying you don’t know there will be obstacles in a relationship , you expect everything to move smoothly so he can be given you money anytime you ask , Thife like you trust me most of the ladies here won’t leave the relationship easily , if I must ask you to leave the ship it’s because he is a Muslim and surly if you ready to be one later no probs , that guy love you just that fight is bound to happen , Las las Una go dey Alright
DeleteI was just reading this rubbish with my nose in the air, poster o, na your bobo be this, give boy money, so when you send your daughter to the university you will be very happy to find out that she’s giving the money you sent to her for handouts to a bobo, oga married man, clap for yourself
DeleteDon't listen to this foolish advice
Deleteup there if you love your life and your happiness.
This man is not your man or a good man. He is not a man of his words, he is easily influenced and he believes he is doing you a favour being with you and doing what ANY ADULT should do. The minute you marry him, you will see his real colours. Explain to your mother EVERYTHING. People will beg when they do not have full details. Learn to also have a mind of your own and stop going back because someone begged.
ReplyDelete16:04. Everything you have said here is the truth. I say it is the TRUTH. Even the fullstop and comma is the truth. Nothing to add. Poster read and meditate. If you like be chewing corn and coconut as you read this. No body will bear the wahala for you and it will surely come.
DeleteKudos for wanting to have income before getting married. As you can see, many girls are suffering because they believed the lie of I will open a business for you or you can seek employment when we marry. Men are VERY selfish and everything they do is for their own benefit. The minute you recognize and embrace that as a woman, you will live long.
ReplyDeleteMy dear am happy you are not gullible being able to discern his ploys with the rings.
ReplyDeleteMy candid advise is if you want to continue having anything with him revert to celibacy and don't for anything ask him for money. That way you restore your worth or dignity. How he relates with you there after will be a signpost to you where the relationship is headed. All the best.
Poverty everywhere!
ReplyDeleteI was saying manage him in my mind when I was reading d social media blocks, until I got to d verbal abuse. ???
ReplyDeleteSometimes people bring out d worst in people.
Your own dey your body too.
So, you've been blackmailing him.? And u forgot to tell us?
You are both verbally abusing your selves.
I think u both need to sit down and be truthful to yourselves.
Write down what u hate and love about each other, exchange the papers and see If u can work on them.
Note: if there is no clear commitment or effort to doing Better, y'all should disband.
Stella, why are u swallowing my comments? Oya, I've edited it. Better post it oo
ReplyDeleteWhat if this dude actually bought a ring, but has given it to the one he really wants to marry?
ReplyDeleteGirl, that man is not husband material abeg! All these stress for a man that has only given you 28k max?!! Abeg, make una dey try open una eyes small before una carry marriage for head like Bobrisky dey carry weave-on....
He has not bought any ring jare.
DeleteHe is playing mind games.
Using it to toy with her mind because he knows she is a despHERado.
All that "send me a picture of your hand let me see your nail polish" blah blah blah.
What manner of a FOOL does that? Only one who enjoys playing childish mind games to an equally childish person. If you are in a relationship and your partner can't stnad with you to be a better version of yourself, you're wasting your time.
Lolz, you mean you calculate the amount? ROTFLMAO
DeleteUnable to read all,too long biko...buh how he handled the pregnancy issue says it all,the relationship is not a healthy one
ReplyDeleteHmmmm...courtship or relationship..which ever you are into is not for kids and i cant remember the day have seen kids embark on such journey..
ReplyDeletePoster, , u need to grow up....
This is not a relationship neither will i call it a courtship..this is pure ludo game where luck comes to play.u need not ask us if you are to run or stay..
Also, , i wonder why a man or a guy will tell his woman to go for abortion..you know it, , u are not ready, , why all the promises? Poster, , imagine, , if you had lost ur life during that process, do you think u would have been lucky to type all this?
Please grow up, , i think its time for u ladies to think well before venturing into anythin in life..i will continue to say this, , men are more desperate and wicked than women..take it or leave it..
Wish u well
Mc pinky
You say he still lives in his family house? Babe, I'm not sure he has plans of leaving. Dude is narcissistic. I know guys like him.. they feel they're the next best thing after liquid milk.. Can I burst your brain..? He'll never become a Christian just for you. He only used that church thing as a bait.
ReplyDeleteIf you eventually get married to this dude, expect more of emotional blackmail & 3rd party interference.
I doubt you'd take our advice here tho because of pressure around you.
I can soooooo relate to this your story but guess what., I took a long walk. Today, I'm grateful I did.
Don't marry this dude if you still want to remain sane.!
Poster i’ve Been there before the only difference is the abortion part , trust me I tried to end it and guess what everyone including my Mum begged me to go back with out knowing what I was going through and he promised heaven on earth eventually I went back But not too long it became worse. At a point I made up my mind and left for my own good. You have to RUN cos soon he’ll start beating you up emotionally and drain you of your self worth and believe me you’all get some one better just like I did and i’m happily married. So leave and don’t look back any guy who thinks he’s doing you a favor by dating you is not worth the stress trust me if that abortion pills destroys you he leave you without blinking
ReplyDeleteRun and not turn back. He is a bad guy and you'll die before your time if you mary this one
ReplyDeleteAre you asking us whether you should do runs?
ReplyDeleteYou are already doing runs and more; at least
murdering babies and pretending to pray and fast
and dream. See hypocritical dreamer!
Having started with murder of baby/babies, just know that
this playboy will not marry a girl whose womb has been
compromised; that is men for you.
And as a muslim; he owes himself four wives; forget all
those showmanship in church.
Seek God whom you claim to serve for only him will give
you every good and perfect gift.
All these girls that shoot off babies from their wombs,
ReplyDeletehave you taken time to read these scriptures:
Gen. 9:6, Matthew 26:52, Exodus 1:20-22
Prov. 6:10-11
She that kills by the sword ends by the sword oooooooo!
You say he still lives in his family house? Babe, I'm not sure he has plans of leaving. Dude is narcissistic. I know guys like him.. they feel they're the next best thing after liquid milk.. Can I burst your brain..? He'll never become a Christian just for you. He only used that church thing as a bait.
ReplyDeleteIf you eventually get married to this dude, expect more of emotional blackmail & 3rd party interference.
I doubt you'd take our advice here tho because of pressure around you.
I can soooooo relate to this your story but guess what., I took a long walk. Today, I'm grateful I did.
Don't marry this dude if you still want to remain sane.!
too long a chronicle. I didn't finish it sef. but wait o, you don't use more than 2gb a month. pls what network is that? bcos I use more than that in two weeks. secondly, he flaunts you on social media and you think you've made it in life? Sorry! guys that flaunt their babes are d greatest cheat. I remember One married man that was asking me out then on fb and he keeps using his wife's pic as profile pic. The wife will see her pic on her husband's timeline and be happy not knowing that oga is flirting with everything on skirt. sorry o. I didn't read it to d end but I know it has to do with cheating cos that us what is in vogue now. make I chop first. I dey come
ReplyDeletePoster, Why are you really with this man, money, fear of being left for someone else he will eventually marry, or not finding the right man? what is your spirit telling you, and why have you really come on SDK for advice?
ReplyDeleteThe choice of this relationship will be yours to live with. May God grant you wisdom at this stage of your life.
too complicated. you both need to grow up. you sound so desperate. take a chill pill
ReplyDeleteDear poster,your boyfriend is still a small boy(he might be old but still acting like a baby).He feels he is too good for you/any other girl, hence wishes you treat him like a god.
ReplyDeleteMost guys of nowadays feel same way like they are precious gift, they feel they are too much.
From your narration he is not so bad, & I won't bluntly ask you to run for now, rather you try to work things out if you feel you love him & he loves you too. I mean you can calmly explain all his flaws to him,well not in a manner that seems like you are condemning him, & he can do same to you then you both can decide if you wanna adjust or move on with out each other.
The bitter truth is if you leave this guy now you might end up meeting a worse person. Guys of nowadays are so rotten it's either they feel so highly of themselves or they are after your your money or they just out there to chop & clean mouth. they are just not it, sorry to say most of them are not husband material. If after everything you see he doesn't value you & not willing to change then you can run!
You guys need to let go biko! Too toxic
ReplyDeleteMy view:
ReplyDeleteYour guy is a good guy;I am a guy and I know men like this are not common. He does not drink, smoke, womanize, he is hardworking, he has business savvy and acumen, he respects you, gives you gifts, etc.
2. You are spiritually powerful but you have moral issues. You seem to be a stubborn lady and you think you know all things, therefore, you believe you are doing him favour because he is weaker to you spiritually. Dont do it, rather use it to help him for the future of both of you and your children.
3. It will be difficult for any man to satisfy you because you see things as rights and nothing as a privilege. Work on that. Learn to appreciate things to get more.
4. Your guy's weekness is he is spiritually lazy and that is a typical man. Many men are lazy spiritually hence, you see more women in churches and herbalists covens.
Finally, both of you need a trigger to learn. A trigger like some space to know how important you are to each other, learning in a hard way, more exposures, true talks from elders who are experienced, etc.
If you marry like this, you may have issues because both of you will think you are doing any favour for the other party. But the truth is both of you are good if you can brush those weaknesses away and appreciate the strength of both parties.
A thousand likes for your comment. The next person you meet will still have his flaws. The grass on the other side may not be greener.
DeleteYes you two are very right.
DeleteBetter to settle for nothing than go out in faith and find nothing. Gbamwoku!!
GodforbidIevermeetyourtypearoundme
The relationship as described here has all the markings of a bad marriage. I advise that you do not proceed. If you must, then prepare for the worst.
ReplyDeleteOne thing is sure: it'll be more than you bargained for.
Run and never look back. My manipulative and childish ex wanted to trap me with an engagement ring ,I said no. Sent family and friends to beg and I insisted on No.. Never enter a toxic marriage out of desperation
ReplyDeleteIdiot as if you will run , you girls are thief
ReplyDeleteAre yout minding the greedy thief.
DeleteNa wa for this ur over long epistle of 2mad people
ReplyDeleteLoose him. Be single. Get wiser, confident n find who you are as a person before you fall again.
ReplyDeleteWhat a stressful read! Aren't you stressed out too?
ReplyDeleteIf the read is stressful, imagine the relationship.
DeleteYou think he will not beat you? When he has marriage license on you he will automatically become woman beater. I know his type.
ReplyDeletePls don't listen to all the people telling you to go back to this fool or i can guarantee you'll regret it. You yourself are not wise. How can you allow a mere human being devalue you so much? And you claim to know God yet you aren't living like he wants you to live. You need to clean up your life so you can attract better.
ReplyDeleteGreedy confused thief. you can't give but you can take. your priority is money, nothing else matters to you. You think you're doing him a favor for been his girlfriend right.
ReplyDeleteLeave him alone and go find your man elsewhere. I'm sure you can't even leave him, you only want to write an epistle. Please oshi
You deserve better.RUN!!!!!!
ReplyDeletePoster.....please don't listen to all these people telling you to run. This guy love you but is childish about it. All those advising you to leave him will call you Aunty gwenn later.
ReplyDeleteHe seems to me like an expressive person, that's he says whatever comes to his mind without thinking about it and some of us are guilty of that as well. Don't let anyone misled you so you don't regret later.
On the money issue, ask him to be giving you monthly allowance, because some men don't give if you don't ask. That's what I did with my hubby even though I was a student then and that's what we continue with after marriage.
You will be fine dear and try to listen to all his friends and your mum and settle with him . And please accept his proposal when he pop the question.....Stay happy dear
It's well with you
ReplyDelete