Hmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
STORY OF A SURVIVOR
My dad is a pastor at a very religious Pentecostal church(they don't believe in jewelries and all), my dad became a pastor when I was in senior secondary school. But before then it was when I was born that my dad joined the church so my ears were not pierced though I pierced later which eventually blocked again(story for another day).
My dad was very strict, and my mom was always behind whatever he says. I'm actually saying all these so you can have a picture of my family... Anyway, when I was 8/9 I was molested severally by our houseboy till I went to secondary school .
I still remember different scenes in my head till now, I dunno if I can forget. He violated me several times that the memories still remain fresh in my head... and I also remember trying severally to tell my mum but she was busy with religion, I dunno how I survived till I went to secondary school.
I went to a girls only boarding house(federal school), I was victim of bully because I felt so inferior to all my mates and I couldn't even face them. LOL.
Then I had this guardian that was our church member, at first she was good and all, but later things changed, she started telling my dad different stories and he believed her over me. In fact on one occasion my dad slapped me in front of my school because I wanted to defend myself self against the lies she was reporting me for. .. at some point when I was supposed to start SS1, I told my parents I didn't want to go back to school and they felt it was spiritual but I was just not emotionally ready to go to school, I felt like running away from home.. but somehow I survived....
Before I wrote JAMB, a plumber that came to fix something in our house almost raped me. ..hmmm I survived high school, come to university days, I was so happy to be away from home. I started spending my holidays with my aunties in Lagos, I thought things will be better... but no, I was like my aunt's saving grace, from chores to chores. Lol! I did things I never did in my parents house, but who cares I was in Lagos.
When it was time for my IT, my department was to do it in Lagos and since I had an aunt who lives there I was okay with it. But then my aunt's husband started touching me anyhow, I would be sleeping and I will feel his hands on my breast and I will be struggling with him...this continued till I finished my IT, I couldn't stay at home, I was scared of seeing him and yet I couldn't tell anyone because of what would happen to them and to our whole family. After my IT I distanced myself from them, he called me to apologize for the whole thing...that phase passed. After service I got a job in Lagos, my mum was happy, my dad too. .but he really wanted me to get my own apartment, but he had no money so the only option was to stay with my aunt again I have another aunt in Lagos too but she and her family share a room I almost told her about what I experienced when I was doing IT, but I couldn't...
so I moved in, now he is a deacon in a RCCG church so I thought of that and since he apologized too but no he hasn't changed I have been saving from my meagre salary to see if I'd get my place.. But then something now happened between my mum and my aunt that made my mum angry that she said I should move and stay with my friend and her family so currently I'm looking for a place to rent with my very low budget...
I am just tired of the whole thing, and I don't even wish any of my siblings experience what I have.. All my entire adult life, I have found it so difficult to trust anybody, I've never fallen in love not to think of being intimate with someone, I have tried to but I feel pains which I don't understand and sometimes I just panic...I really dunno what tomorrow holds for me or what will happen to me... I've never shared all these things with one single soul and I feel I should talk to someone, but I don't have the guts to... so I decided to summarize it a bit by writing it down and I know this is not even half of what some people have gone through.
*So in summary....
You are a Vee..
Never been in love..
been misunderstood all your life...
No friends or family to trust or talk to...
inferiority complex..
But you are still standing tall and can still laugh telling your story.
Some people have seen worse babe,you are a survivor and i am so sorry about the assault you suffered...you will be fine!
I dont know what else to say...
Hmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteObodo bu igwe!
We have seen you and now we know you as someone who
Deletedoes not read the chronicle but rush to comment
to be noticed strategic marketing. Jisie ike.
Been waiting for chronicle o, but I don’t even know what to advice you, let me try.
DeleteKindly get someone you can trust so you can open up before it will lead to more emotional trauma. As it is now, you can’t even open up to anyone. I wish you well and yes get a place of your own
Religion in Nigeria has done more harm to people's lives than they realize it. It's almost too late for our generation to understand this as they have been brainwashed as well. Let's see what happens to the next generation or kids born after 2011..
DeleteAnon 15;20
DeleteU depressed?
Frustrated?
Its we'll with ya 'sole'
This reminds me of Purple Hibiscus. We Nigerians and how we have allowed religion to blindfold us. I pray you will be fine. You actually need therapy something we don't take seriously in this country.
DeletePoster I don't know if its just me but I honestly find it annoying when someone is telling a story of such magnitude yet b "loling" all over the writeup. It is well with u. May God heal u.
DeleteDarling, sometimes LOL is an indication of anxiety.
DeleteNa wa! Thank God for your life
ReplyDeleteChai!!!! I can relate to some of the things you stated so i empathise with you.
ReplyDeleteSince you can't afford a place of your own my advice will be to still stay with your aunt afterall the quarrel is between her and your mum and not you.
If your mum insist you leave then she should get you a place.My dear "tough times don't last but tough people do".
I pray that God that showed up for me will show up for you too.Amen
oh Girl....! you are strong. very strong I was molested by my own blood sister's husband and I stopped going there and my parents thought I stopped going bcos I'm too lazy to help her work. mostly I just laugh when I remember how I have been molested by people in my whole life
ReplyDeleteAt a point I thought molestation was a normal thing from my cousin to our tenant's son to neighbours, to sisters boyfriends, to toasters. My life is so affected that i can't feel anything for men and I have no lesbian tendencies. I keep attracting the wrong set and now I'm even scared to try at all. This was not the life of bliss I dreamt of growing up. I wanted to get married and have kids. I wanted to be genuinely loved but shadows keep messing me up.
DeleteIt is well with you and the Poster
DeleteThis poster needs a back bone walahi, you have allowed these people to have a hold over your life.
DeleteI have also encountered sexual harrasements and even a rape. Luckily I am close to my mother, who I confided in. I am married now and I don't even think about it again. It never affected my relationship and iv never told my husband till date about the rape. Just the attempted molestation of my aunts husband, so he can understand my reason for not associating with that side of my family. Another thing is I would never hire a house-boy and I talk to my kids about sexual touchings, and bath them myself nightly to see any signs.
my neighbour houseboy attempted raping me, had started kissing me when my little friends came to play with me and stopped it, I was just 5yrs.
Next was my aunt who I was staying with, the husband attempted touching me or sleeping with me, which I pushed him away. After that the man started fearing me, he knew I had told my mother and at anytime we can tell his wife. I left there not long after. Years later my co-worker in the office invited me to his house on the guise of helping him with his wedding plans cos I also do events as side-hustle. I got police involved, and told him he must resingn from our office, I didn't want to pursue a case. I just needed not to see him daily. His mother even came to kneel and beg my parents.
poster you need for these things not to define you. You also need to start speaking up so people will stop using you.
Poster can't you talk???? Gosh.
ReplyDeleteYou can't live in pity oo.
If na Me, that your aunty husband will pay for my flat. I'll get him to send me something incriminating then blackmail him.
Nekwa nu m eshishi
What's d problem here? Rent? At least ur both parents are alive, if push comes to a shove, u go back home...there's enough time to explore the world, I normally tell young adults not to rush to live the "life", you go tire, manage d caging, when u enter school, u can do that thing that has been itching u...infact na u go tire.
ReplyDeleteBb she said she's in school already now
DeleteBabes its like u didnt read this one well o. Biko read again even tho i find it a not so interesting read.
DeletePlease do not try again to have sex before you get married; you will end up complicating things if you do. You will feel more worthless and perhaps add guilt to it especially if it ends in abortions. Now is the time to heal and find your soul in life and eternity. You will meet someone to trust.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, don't worry, you will be okay. Its just a phase.
ReplyDeleteYou need someone you can open up to and don't be scared of those men coming to defile if it happen next time (GOD FORBID IT WONT HAPPEN AGAIN).SCREAMMMMMM so others in the house can know what is happening. The worse that will happen is that they will send you out of the house. nobody can kill you.
As Stella has said, some people have it worse, I have had three miscarriages in 1 year and God knows I am tired of Crying.
I waited few years before my first baby came and now have been trying to take in since Jan but no show, some months I will see my period after one week to when i'm suppose to see it and it will break my heart is really not easy sometimes I ask why my life is so difficult things people get easily I have to cry and cry before it comes I lost my dad when I was in secondary school and I ended up living with wicked aunties. I see my mate all done with school and working and here i'm Still struggling before I even got admission into the university it took years after going to poly I got married on time because no help from anywhere life is not fair i'm not a saint neither i'm a wicked person but I don't know why life is so unfair to me *wipe tears* I want more kids oh Lord please hear my cry.
DeleteMadam anon 17:19,you need a therapist first, then a gynaecologist second in order to be alright.
DeleteYou need the first to pour out your heart and makeup with whatever you have struggled with in the past, then you need a gynaecologist to ascertain what is really wrong with your not conceiving.
You'll be alright dear. Gods got your back!
More kids in your situation? Why if I may ask? I mean is this your own personal wish cos from your tale things haven't been going well for you in a long time so why bring in more children to suffer, why not use this time to improve yourself learn a skill or something.🤔So you can cater for them when they come.
DeletePoster, last last u will be fine beside Stella Don collect everything weee dey my mouth talk finish and nothing remain.
ReplyDeleteEayah, parents should try and be friends with their children not father or mother.
ReplyDeleteYou went through a lot and you need to unburden that load.
May God heal you well Amen
Houseboy entered the place when you were 8/9year old... plumber almost entered...BIL almost entered. My sister, the next person to enter shall be your husband.... he shall knock and you shall willingly open. I bind and cast all spirits of false entry in your life.
ReplyDeleteIn summary,you need accommodation?may God make a way for you and provide a good man for you
ReplyDeleteLet me read comments... Dear poster, you ll be fine.
ReplyDeleteWhere are u at the moment? Still in Lagos for your IT? If you are still in Lagos let me know please.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, my advise for you is to put yourself together and move on. Life goes on.
ReplyDeleteMake that pervert of your aunty husband to pay for the rent. He deserve no pity. Blackmail is the key. You have your aunty n the church to use as a blackmail tool. Sometimes is good to be a bad girl not a shy n timid girl
ReplyDeleteYou will be fyn dear...life goes on.
ReplyDeleteI suggest you see a life coach/therapist. The Lord is your strength.
ReplyDeletePls can you suggest one in Ibadan?
DeleteYou can find them in neuro psychiatry hospital, General Hospitals,Uch and maybe UI
DeleteThanks Uberhaute
DeleteThis is the thing, my daughter is so free with people around her, likes to go to this friend's place or that friend's place, wants to gist with this one or that, wants to participate in every social activities and am like you need to chill the world is not what it seems like. I am over protective but she doesn't know it's for her good. My only prayer is that God diverts her steps from all these demons destroying people's life
ReplyDeletePls protect her...and also be her friend make her to be at alert and aware of danger...if i have a daughter God help me i don't cage her but if i can just turn into a spirit and be following her everywhere
Deletehow come all d men are molesting you? house boy, Aunty's hubby, so tey plumber sef join. Too bad tho. izz well. you seem to be the quiet type. You need to stop living in self pity. Make friends and pray alway and...... Don't even know what to say sef
ReplyDeleteAt her age. she cant speak up.
DeleteLet people keep abusing you. Abuse as a child is excusable but as an adult. You need to be strong and build back bone my sister. Don't let an HIV positive man rape you one day. out of being quiet.
It is well with you poster
ReplyDeleteYou are the only ONE that can change your story, stop playing the victim - Sorry you have been sexually abused by men and your parents turn a blind eye. You either summon the courage to tell them in person or write a letter to them.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't change the pattern, you will continue to attract bad vibes and act from other people.
Seek help and speak out - You are now an adult - Stop rehashing your painful past - You have the power to stop the pain. stop the circle of pain and hurt.
Been there and came out stronger.
I don't get it, some parents don't just listen to their children, they don't get to know them well. They only assume & then believe anything anybody tells them about their kids.
ReplyDeleteSatan punish all these people who molest minors. Even the adults that molest other adults because you feel they are at your mercy, too bad! Reminds me of a story....
Poster you really had a rough life growing up but you still trying to be strong, may God help you, see you through.
Young people should learn to run away from people who try to take advantage of their situations Biko, when one door closes another will open.
I think you need to see a therapist, lots of things are going on in people's lives. Please never go into a marriage until you're psychologically ready for it, so that the past will not affect you. I wish you best of luck and I can promise you everything is going to be alright. God bless
ReplyDeleteCan people please talk, SPEAK OUT,as in SPEAK OUT! I sincerely dont get how a child gets hurt and wont report to his or her parents or someone,a teacher ,neighbour, how? Please parents in this blog make it a duty to be friends with your children and wards,so very important...Gosh! i just cant!!
ReplyDeleteMay God heal you, Poster. You still need to let it all out to a matured person , someone that you can trust, let it out, one- on- one. so that you can start the healing process. You will be fine.
ReplyDeleteU need money for rent...and u need to sharp up...u are a girl and this world is evil...u need to blackmail that ur aunty’s husband...or tell ur father to give u money abeg...or tell ur bf
ReplyDeleteDear poster. Some people have had it worse, but you'll be fine. Stop feeling guilty and blaming yourself for what those animals did to you. It's your life! Start living it, go out more, speed date, have fun with sense oh, meet people, make new friends, travel, do things that make you happy even with the little you have, you can enjoy life . Ask your parents n all those your family members to help you raise rent, then share the rent with a roommate. Sorround yourself with good people. It's your life don't be afraid to live it.
ReplyDeletePoster.....I don't gerrit?How did you go through university without having a close friend to share your feelings with.....I'm sorry, if I sound somehow. But can't imagine it. You see try to be cheerful, meet people, be close to them and have friends or at least a friend you can share your thoughts and fears with.
ReplyDeleteYou will be fine dear...
Poster.....forget that fear about never falling in love, when you meet that special someone, you will feel it...trust me
ReplyDeleteEverybody has a story to tell. I feel like you may benefit from a change of culture. If you see any overseas jobs that you qualify for then apply for it, make sure it's a legit job and not a scam, and not in the middle east. Otherwise, get some therapy, a good counsellor can make all the difference. I sense weariness in your letter, you seem very tired and that is understandable. Like I said, look for out of country opportunities in a peaceful culture, I feel you would do better some place else.
ReplyDeleteReligious ppl are very bizarre, oftentimes in their quest to make it to heaven they completely forget that there is a life they have to live here. I don't know what they are going to do when they find out there is no heaven and there is no hell for sinners to burn in.
Poster, I'm so sorry for all the molestation you were subjected to. However, do not protect pedophiles even if it's your Aunt's husband and a deacon in the largest Pentecostal church in Nigeria. Report him to ANY pastor of the church, whether they believe you or not, you will be saving the emotional lives of some other children. He raped and molested you. The last I checked, that is a crime anywhere in the world and that man should not be a deacon. Stop protecting him. You need therapy and I pray God heals you emotionally in Jesus Name. Help other kids by reporting molestation.
ReplyDelete