STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIAGE FOR GREENER PASTURE
Good day Stella
Here is my story....
I got married to the most Amazing man years back, he was in his late thirties,while I was in my early twenties then, we where doing fine both financially and all, and then after our second child, he lost his job, we kept managing, I tried doing some businesses to support and he too tried one or two businesses but things became worse, and his family who are based abroad decided that he should come over......
We were both happy that at least things will change for better, the first one year was not easy but I kept on moving.
Suddenly, he called and told me that for him to be able to stabilize over there, we have to divorce officially (cos we got married in court), so he can do a contract marriage over there for him to get his papers, I agreed because I wanted the best for us.
Suddenly, he called and told me that for him to be able to stabilize over there, we have to divorce officially (cos we got married in court), so he can do a contract marriage over there for him to get his papers, I agreed because I wanted the best for us.
None of my family members knew about it, I know that if I should tell them they won't agree, it's been years now, he has not been able to visit and I have not been able to join him. He sends money for everything for myself and the kids but this is not how I want to live my life.
He has told me that I should not worry that everything will be fine ....
I decided to speak with my family members about it and everyone is blaming me including my mum, I have been called a fool and all sort of names. We are all hoping for the best but I just want to hear from Bvs who have been in this situation to let me know how it ended.
Thanks so much Stella, your blog has been my companion on cold nights. Lol.
*My dear you Officially divorced your husband to go and Marry someone else and now you are his ex wife and he is Married again and telling you things will be fine?Now you are the side chick?You say its been years?Hmmmmm...
And after the supposed divorce he will re-marry you?
I dont know why you let him convince you but i know so many women who took this greener pastures moves and their husbands send money home for upkeep and appreciation but has moved on....You did a very silly thing and will be lucky if he remarries you........
How did you feel when he remarried?Is he living with her?
I wish you all the luck in the World.
Madam clap for yourself. So why are you telling your family after so many years.
ReplyDeleteJust know you are officially divorced and the papers are with him and will use it against you if you say PIM.
You just dash your 🐴 band on a platter of gold to another woman. Ekpele it is well with you
Postee, your hubby doesn't want you again. You fong know what he must have discussed with His family members for them to ask him to come over and divorce you officially.
DeleteTo step up, you decided to be your husband's accomplice to deceiving an innocent white woman.
DeleteMay the plan not boomerang on your head.
Lord have mercy, because I don't understand the human race anymore.
Madam.....the guyman don job you. Start looking for a new husband. The money he sends to you is child support. Take heart
DeleteIf the oyibo knew that this was a contract marriage from the word go, then it's okay but if you agreed for your husband to go and DECEIVE another woman to get papers, then I don't pity you.
DeleteCall your husband and tell him you are getting married. That you think he should just remain with his oyibo wife cos you have a suitor you think you like.
Watch his reaction. But sorry to say, your EX-HUSBAND owes you nothing other than upkeep money for his kids.
Pele ma.
I think you should conduct the above-mentioned test..to see his reaction and possibly speak to his siblings to see where you stand.
DeleteMost importantly, seek God who knows the deep and secret things.
Anon 16.17: that's a foolish thing to do! A man who's looking for an escape route would use that line forever. He'd be glad you take the first step to walk away! Poster, if you take the advice, then you're on your own!
DeleteSpotlight, she had better take the first step and save herself. You want her to continue fooling herself thinking she is married right.
DeleteIf he has intentions of coming back for you, he will discourage you. If he doesn't he will claim you took the first step but who cares.
You guys bother yourselves so much about what people think.
How come those people that will crucify you for taking the first step can't advise him to make his unmarried wife a WIFE INDEED?
Poster don't listen to all this jjc that full here.my people travelling is part of education ooo.poster have patience ok.after contract marriage it takes 5 years to get indefinite.ur husband can't come and mess up before then.mark my words no sane naija man leaves his naija wife to marry akata babe or white babe (except for papers and once he gets it he divorces sharp sharp) be patience u would soon join him.if not that u already have kids I would have asked that ur hubby process student visa for u through a university but they won't give u cos of ur kids or unless u want to leave them behind
DeletePoster give your husband 6 years maximum cos by then he must have rounded up with the marriage and divorce process ok.he would come back for you and the kids.those in naija would not understand this
DeleteI stayed in naija 7 years before I joined my husband. Poster be patience this things takes time.abroad life is not easy to get documents
DeleteMy dear i am talking from personal experience o... He has moved on. I married my struggling ex who lived in Nigeria while i lived in the UK, we applied for US Visa for him (biggest mistake of our lives) he moved to the U S while i kept living in the UK. He asked for a divorce so be can marry akata... I didn't agree but he got the divorce anyway) naija style. Old boy fell in love with the akata woman o... They have kids together. US no kuku gree give me visa to join him. Hes American now. I hear hes even been to the UK several times. I haven't seen him... This na man wen i spend all my money on o. Well my dear i will advise you... If you find someone to marry, you better marry o because he will keep stringing you along until you will borrow small sense. A word is enough for the wise.
DeleteEerrrm most people in Nigeria would not understand this..But this is how it's done over here in d states. Nobody is deceiving anybody.the contract marriage is done with money payment to d lady..ur husband would come back for you when he gets all his documents babe. That's how almost everyone here gets their papers ok. A typical nigerian man values his nigerian wife and wouldn't trade her with a girl he meets here who has no manners
DeleteEerrrm most people in Nigeria would not understand this..But this is how it's done over here in d states. Nobody is deceiving anybody.the contract marriage is done with money payment to d lady..ur husband would come back for you when he gets all his documents babe. That's how almost everyone here gets their papers ok. A typical nigerian man values his nigerian wife and wouldn't trade her with a girl he meets here who has no manners
DeleteStella u could have told her the truth considering the fact that u base in abroad or is this not practised in Germany? This is how almost 90% get their papers in America. We ain't here to play y'll
DeletePoster find out from ur husband when he would finalise the marriage and divorce and from then he can start processing ur coming over here. It's not easy to get papers u know.dont worry when u join him u would laugh so hard when u remember u even sent in this chronicals in d first place.america isn't our father land hence we hv to work hard to get their papers.patience is d key madam.
You are right . I am certain he will come back after his arrangeee marriage ,pls do not mind this Internet ghost , I wonder why you lots rely on local people in Nigeria for advice, do you know this people personally? Have they been through what you are going through? This are Internet beggars looking for ways to exhaust their credit and you think it's wise for them to advice you . Listen, nobody knows your hubby more than you do.look for something to do and challenge yourself to be better, you might even be the one to out grow him
DeletePoster, dont be scared as while you await your hubby back it up with prayers. I know a family this worked for in the UK and now they all live in the UK. The wife was scared at first. It's only natural to feel the way you feel but trust me, a lot of people had to go about there documentation in the abroad this way.
DeleteThe question is why did your Nigerian marriage have to end for the abroad one to take place? There's no connection between the two. Sonia T
DeleteSomebody is asking for the connection between Nigerian and abroad marriage. Stella I give up on your BVs.
DeleteLies. They want you to be miserable as they are and were all these ones whose husbands abandoned and married for papers. They won't tell you they only joined him now as sister and not wife. Or that their children are no more his? Mark my words if he never included he had children your kids will never go or be his kids. Anyway US is way corrupt but what if he's moved On??? You are not married to him and unfortunately owe you nothing .
Delete09.16 if u don't base abroad just shush it..I didn't want to comment on this post.poster listen to the few comments made by those based abroad. Ur husband did the right thing.documents doesn't fall from a tree u know, when his papers are complete he would send for you.if he stated married in the visa form then he needs divorce certificate. Most of this marriages are paid for. Abroad is like a cult (most things done here would not be understood by nigerian's back home)definitely ur people won't understand.
DeleteStella is a blogger with a face to her name so don't expect her to open up and tell you things that might put her in trouble.developed words holds u accountable to your words or writing. Go through the comments and get the answer u seek from those in abroad oo.trash all the naija local comments
DeleteI think he meant well. The issue here is that he is yet to divorce the other woman he used for papers. So I think more patience is needed in this case. It is well.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Miss Ess on this one. It has worked for so many people. Don't despair yet...his communication with you will tell you alot. Now this where you have to do 100% work. You have to take care if yourself, look hot snd very attractive, take good care of his children and maintain cordial relationship with your inlaws. Don't lick ass. Be really nice. Take pictures of your children and yourself and update your status modestly. Make new friends - men and women. Upgrade and Update yourself. Re-invent yourself and reseduce him if you want him back. Remain patient and surround yourself with positivity. Good luck..all hope is not lost yet.
DeleteSee girl, you aren't married. I hope you aren't going to toe this line. It is a disaster if you ever do.
DeleteThose of us that live in western countries know how this things work. The man is stuck and done for. And his Nigerian
ex-wife is stuck as well. The only "winner" is the foreign wife and she can pull the strings that can put this man away
for decades. You know what I mean? Smelling iron rods.
I wish this man and bald headed Freeze could chanel this energy in criticising the government. Fear no go let them! I can't stand both of them.
DeleteMadam your husband meant well. I don't know where your husband as you didn't state. Here in the UK, It takes more than 5 years to get married (arrangee marriage) and get indefinite leave, not passport yet oooo. I did my arrangee in 2014 and I'm even yet to get indefinite. Yes, I'm married, and my husband is in Nigeria. We didn't do court wedding though. He will be joining me soon through another means. He got admitted into one of the universities here to do his masters. Hopefully by the time, he's done, my paper will be complete and we will do our court wedding here.
DeleteIf you husband has got money to pay your school fees, you can look for a school in that country and come in with student visa. That was how one of my cousins brought his wife and kids over. Now, they are legally married.
Don't listen to the advise of those that live in Nigeria, because they don't understand how paper processing works here. I did arrangee and I have never set the eyes on the guy since the court wedding day. We say hi through watsapp once in awhile, keep in touch just in case they need any paper from him. That's how it works over here.
Your worries are valid though. Discuss schooling with your husband. Look for scholarships if you don't have money for school fees.
I pity young girls that come to this blog and don't learn. I wonder where una go fit learn again.
DeleteA lot of you come here just to grab shoki and find husbands instead of learning from all these chronicles.
16.09 your maga probably knows this is business and that's why you guys live apart.
DeleteDoes this woman's ex-husband's maga know she is in a business deal with this guy??? If she knew there probably won't be need for the divorce. She needed the divorce to prove to her that she has the man all to herself.
I'm sure he lives with her and has been fucking her.
Aren't you ashamed to marry a man just to deceive government??
Miss ess- remain blessed gurl. Travelling is indeed part of education! Most people on this blog haven't crossed the airport before hence the weird reaction to this posters story.this thing is perfectly normal over here
DeleteAnon 18:51, there will be need because they carry out search before issuing the stay and they now do searches up to Nigeria. If it's discovered that the guy was married at home that will be bigamy and will lead him to prison instead of being granted stay. I did same and got issued my five years do I know how it works.
DeleteThanks Miss Ess. Stella, stop it! Why U dey behave at times like say you never leave Naija? You and I know the coco nau. I live in the UK. In some cases, the man and his original wife will be in the same country without papers sef. They will arrange divorce from Naija. The man will marry persin wey get paper. After three - five years he will divorce his arrangee wife. So, poster nor worry too much. You worry cos you are in Naija and far away from your hussy. Some dey divorce and will not send shishi blaming it on the arrangee wife. Especially if it is not the pay and marry type arrangee they did - You know, those deceiving the new oyinbo wives that the marriage is real. But, pay and marry everybody is clear right from the get go. No worry yourself poster. Your husband will return to you after five years from when you loaned him out for the good of the family. Stella mind yourself and stop causing confusion. Learn to educate most of these ya followers wey nor know road the MMI Airport. (That Isoko Babe) Stella, I still love you even sef say you dey yarn dust at times.
DeleteThe guy has moved on because even witb a spouse visa he can visit his ex wife in 9ja if he wants to. His visa allows him multiple trips abroad so even if its risky to bring ex wife 2 the US for a visit, he could travel down to 9ja to see her. Ex wife is there "saving her congo whilst raising his children as a single mum" whilst Oga is busy shining akata's congo on a daily basis, and spending for akata, doing domestic chores whilst also satisfying her libido. If he wanted 2 see u, he would....instead hes sending u equivalent of max $200 a month whilst spending over $1000 a month on akata.
DeleteIts not even a contract marriage bcos if it was, akata would hv been aware and wont have any qualms you visiting the US but this is clearly a scam or love marriage.
Wicked people. All you lots using Akata hope you know your kids are future Akatas too
DeleteMadam I havent been in your shoes oh so I gat no advice for you. Funny how you divorced your husband without your family knowing. How old are you again?
ReplyDeletePoster! It could be an innocent situation, that he is looking for greener pastures. However, it is inevitable that he will either meet another woman (if not the one he is married to) and move on.
DeleteHe is clearly not paying for the contract marriage so he is in a relationship with the other person who will also want children.
Don’t blame yourself because you were thinking of what’s best but know that your actions may be detrimental. On the other hand, he may appreciate you and come back.
Eitherway, when he travelled abroad and asked for a divorce, there was nothing else you could do really. If you refuse they will call you enemy of progress and it will lead to a break down anyway.
Just hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
....in studying psychology youre thought gestures & ways of sensing a con man miles away, when youre made an offer or a difficult request with a saying "Dont tell anyone or keep it to yourself"... its meant to keep the blindfold on you firmly, & not in ur best interest or safe guardians, question everything else after that line, confide in someone u can trust or anonymously ask questions online before u take ur next step!
DeleteA wise Buddhist told me on his death bed "Illusion is the first of all Pleasures"..... he was right! Your husband has created a mirage for you, that has kept an invisible chain around your neck to a plastic chair.
Stella might not know the whatsapp things done in abroad cos she legitimately married her husband. But anyways this is how to get your papers my dear. Chill and believe in ur husband. It's just a phase that would pass one day.bekieve me the husband didn't decieve anyone for marriage..money changed hands! As for d divorce certificate, He needs it probably cos he mentioned married in his visa processing stage
DeleteI am really learning 😗😗😗😗😗😗
DeleteHmmm.. Poster you are in for a loooong thing! I don't even know what to advice you
ReplyDeleteWhy are you always talking about looooooooooong things?
DeleteIf you don't know what to advice ,then just read comments not saying what you know nothing about.
DeleteYou’re divorced ma’am, count your losses and keep collecting money for upkeep for the kids. You should have at least confided in one or two people before agreeing to his plans, you see people are crafty and he beat you to it by making you feel like he was doing it for the collective good of the two of you.
ReplyDeleteArrangee marriages happen a lot and never have a heard of a couple divorcing in Nigeria just for one partner to marry someone else abroad for green card. You were played well and smart. He is isn’t coming back and if/ when he ever does it would be to see his kids, so don’t plan to jump into his arms. Pele madam, love sometimes Clouds our judgement.
Long time Ma’am.
DeleteI was going to add “Where is Doppel” at the end of my comment but forgot.
Plain truth!
DeleteNo madam, you weren't played. Don't listen to all these people abeg. None of them know your husband like you do. Listen to me, all you need is a lot of patience. I am talking from experience. My husband did the same, in my own case, he asked his younger brother to steal our marriage certificate from where it was kept. I didn't discover it for a while but when I eventually did, he begged and explained everything to me. It took almost ten years and it wasn't easy I tell you but today, I live with my husband in Texas. I almost gave up, my family kept pitching me against my husband but he told me to trust him and I did. My advice for you is to be patient and understanding. As long as he sends money for upkeep and all worth, please don't pressure him, you might just chase him further into the arms of the other woman. Let him know you understand but always remind him how much you love and miss him and tell him life hasn't been easy without him. You'll smile last trust me. Don't listen to all these people who have never been in your shoes o, before they mislead you. It's easy to judge and call people fools when you haven't been in their shoes. My older brother is here also and doing the same arragee thing. My whole family in Nigeria has been so supportive, his children are in Babcock Uni and he is paying their tuition and sending money to his wife. Don't worry, just put the heart of your husband into God's hands. It is the situation in Naija that has turned so many to desperadoes. Stella, please think before you judge people. I am sure if you still live in Nigeria you wouldn't talk that way. My husband left me in Naija while I was pregnant with our second child, the girl didn't see him physically until he eventually came home for a visit when she wasn't six but he'll always call to talk to his children and I. Today we are all here together to the glory of God. Please be patient, except your husband is giving you reasons to doubt him.
DeleteHey Iphie, I also had you in mind. I saw a comment where you mentioned yesterday or a few days backs that you welcomed a new baby. Accept my belated congratulations dear, may she be a blessing to you and yours.
DeleteYou just voiced my exact thoughts. People do this thing everytime; her story is quite strange to me. Why didn't they tell family members..for everyone to be on the same page..
DeleteEven if he means well, how do you sleep with a woman, act as her husband and not be emotionally
attached?..after a while even "role playing" will become "Reality" under the right circumstances ex. weather, social, health and other benefits as a legit resident.
But in all trust God and ask for his help so He can show you how to navigate this...
DeleteThe fact that the situation is strange doesn't mean it won't work. Wishing you the very best and hopefully it will end in praise.
#fingersCrossed#
Shalom
@dopp...
DeleteDo you know if he wrote married in his visa application ? And he has to clear that first before the government can allow him marry in their country.
@Anonymous 16:08
DeleteWhich "god" are you talking about his grace?
Romans 13:1 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority?
DID YOU SUBMIT TO THE IMMIGRATION AUTHORITIES?
1Cor. 5:12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”
DID YOU SEE STELLA'S POINT OF "JUDGMENT?" Once someone correct you and tell you the truth, he has judged?
1 Corinth. 5:9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister[c] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.
DID YOU SEE GREEDY, SWINDLER AND SEXUAL IMMORALITY THERE? THAT'S YOUR NAME IN THAT ROLL CALL. OH YOUR HUSBAND LIED TO YOU THAT HE WAS NOT HAVING SEX WITH THE WOMAN HE ARRANGED AND MARRIED? And you dey there dey chant "grace of god?"
@Iphie dearie and why would you ask for doppel gangers opinion? Is she well travelled? Cos going by what she just typed above..I don't think she has crossed murtala airport. What the poster is going through is perfectly normal here she should exercise patience for her husband.
DeleteThat is what spouses go through in order to secure papers and bring his family here. Note that he must provide authentic divorce certificate incase he stated married prior the visa stage. Pls you all should cut the crap abt deceiving whites into fake marriage...They go into it with clear eyes as biz.the money paid is huge!
Don't mind them 20:58. See that one 👆🏻Posting epistle and quoting bible untop person wey dey talk the truth. Meanwhile na them do worst. Madam poster, you better listen to wetin people wey know wetin dey don tell you. Nor let these two faced people deceive you o. If you quarrel with your husband and e abandon you here. You'll be surprised that this bible quoter will be the first to send bbm pin if the man come SDK blog come participate in S&M. Ndi ashin.... mtcheew
DeleteI'm sorry Doppel, you're wrong this time. There's no way poster's husband can marry akata or oyibo(arrangee)officially in the U.S. without providing divorce cert. As he would have already stated that he was married while applying for the visa. If poster's husband didn't mean well, he won't even mention it to poster. People get divorce papers easily in naija without their partners knowing abeg.
DeleteSo living in Texas is your highest achievement??? After 10yrs. As if we don't know you live on credits and stamps and social benefits. Have you improved on your degree or life? Or just eat burger and snap for the gram deceiving gullible Nigerians like the poster. If you were my sister I would be ashamed of you.
DeletePlease leave God out of all your evils
DeleteThis SUMMER is dumb. Reading is obviously a problem to you. See how asking after someone on a blog has been twisted. Well travelled ekike!
DeleteThanks Doppel♥️
9:23 .... Since you asked, I'm already two years into my RN program. You can't even be my sister and I know you so wish for the life I live. Let every man live their lives the way they know how. Face your life and stop being so judgmental
DeleteThe desperation of some Nigerians to go live abroad ehn....and the stupidity of some Nigerian women.... I no know which one carry first.
ReplyDeleteAs in ehn....the thing just tire me. People would go to any length just to travel abroad. Na wa!
DeleteThe truth is they keep deceiving people with social media snapping and sending meanwhile they all live in rooms
DeleteHe should have asked for a fake divorce paper n u send to him, one bv posted something like that.
ReplyDeleteMy dear u are officially divorced.
Only a miracle will make him return n remarry u again which is gonna take years...
Anyway u can be d sidechic so money can still be coming for ur u n ur kids. And save money o
Pls, let me perch here...
DeleteThis one pass me oh..
You let him get officially divorced?
He may have been able to make it here now?
I doubt I can handle the thought of that oh but no need to cry over spilled milk, why isn t he giving you money to even go and visit now? At least so you see. Since you were okay with the marriage plans to the ameriAmerican, I'm sure you won't spoil things for him. Cos I don't understand the reason for long distance marriage, sorry relationship
...Society & our psychology has given so much power & mind shackles to that piece of paper with headline "Marriage Certificate".. Madam retune ur mind ur single mode, abi is any man pressing u for marriage? Live your life and care for ur kids, who knows the century u will see that man again, all you swallow is what he tells you... very sad! This period that time flies like lightning.. b4 u knw ure 50yrs waiting for Jesus 2nd coming & also your husband.
DeleteBlackberry pack one side jare.do u think the poster is taking abt this country where fakes are presented and accepted.poster said abroad and u are talking fake divorce papers.u think whites are fools abi. Abi u think abroad is Africa shebi..smh
DeleteSo oxygen is same as anon 15:26? What's going on in this blog sef na wa
DeleteSo your husband whose family asked him to come over there couldn't file papers for him..he must marry a citizen. Na so jobs boku full ground for all the citizens?
ReplyDeleteCouldn't he have continued providing services job so he can take care of you guys? Nope. He had to marry.
Well the deed has been done. Learn to live life as a divorcee now. Sorry.
My sister. This one weak me o. Even those wey dey d abroad never get work finish, na you wey just dey come wan come get d job. Lol...Poster what were you thinking? How could you divorce him officially? Na wah o. So how do you gbensh when you are in d mood? It is now so bad that SDK blog is now your companion on cold night meanwhile your husband has One fine oyinbo as his own companion. What a life
DeleteHave an honest conversation with him. Promise you won’t over react. Tell him you are just having the talk to free him and yourself..
ReplyDeletePress him to let you know if hes fallen in love with the lady he did the contract marriage with.
If the answer is in the affirmative, it is not the end of the world. Chin up and MOVE ON! But make sure he sends upkeep money for his kids while you put your life together.
If he is still interested in the marriage, the same siblings that invited him over will have to send an invitation letter to you(I am guessing he hasn't got his papers yet) Let your Mom take care of the kids while you go visiting!
Who says you cant visit the same country even if he is in a contract marriage with some other lady. You need to know where you stand before you wake up at 50 with no man, and no love.
Let me not even talk about the dangers of what you agreed to do.
My exact thought...
DeletePoster Pls follow this advice
DeleteSmartest reply so far
DeleteI also agree with you Iphie. Poster do as she has said and I believe you know the man you married enough to know if he is being sincere in his answers. The visit is very important. Any how the conversation ends, it's not the end of the world.
DeleteThe man is eating his cake and having it.
ReplyDeleteHe has kids in Nigeria and "a nanny", that is you. And he has a "good marriage" and kids abroad.
Tell me if you are that lady he married for papers, will you put your life on hold to get papers for a foreigner?
Once abroad and marriage is mentioned, most of us ladies in Nigeria, develop brain failure. We do not reason at all but become greedy grubbers. It was the most foolish thing you did.
I live there with my family (married before we moved) and I do not associate with Nigerians; sorry to tell this. They are into this and a lot of other dubious things and once they begin investigating anyone of them, you are roped in. It has sunk a lot of well meaning Nigerians too.
Sorry to tell you that there is nothing you can do about it. If he messes up, he will be in Nigeria the next day; deported. He is someone's cash cow.
The sad truth!
DeleteMadam they got married and were living as a couple with kids before he travelled.
Delete@Anonymous 15:27
DeleteSo you think I did not understand the story?
She signed divorce papers. The man signed marriage papers in a first world country.
It is done and dusted.
Didn't you read what Stella wrote in red?
The thing is that cutting corners have been ingrained in the Nigerian subconscience that
you don't think there is a legitimate way to do things. Given the opportunity, a lot of
ladies (and men) on this blog will still do what this lady did. It is appalling; grievously appalling.
It is sad. Gaskiya. How can someone use her own two hands to push her husband into the arms of another woman because of 'abroad'? What sort of thing is this?
DeleteAnon 15.08
DeleteU sound dumb! Don't u know that nigeria association helps members in many ways 1)abroad is not ur fatherland
2) if any member dies they contribute money and send d body home wch is quite expensive upto 10 thousand dollars.if not the govt would burn d body and give d family ashes.
3) they stand in for you in occasions and contribute for you
4) they help imbibe ur culture n ways of life to ur children
See yourself. Did she tell you she needed your culture - culture of insults, fraud, dishonesty, corruption, theft and occultism? Did she tell you she can’t afford to pay her bills? Who has their standing helped? Associating with nigerians gets you in more trouble than with any other group. Rubbish
Delete@18:40
DeleteWise man -thanks for your impute.
What is worrying you in life is who will bring back your corpse when you die and who will pay for it?
Have you "worried" about where your soul will stay for all eternity -in heaven or in Hell/lake of fire?
The first one is the home of the righteous; saved by Grace and not for people who swindled and duped others
and go to church to chant praises. I don't know where you live but where I do live, everything about Nigerians
are tied around their churches that liter everywhere and they are very dubious:
1 Corinth. 5:9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister[c] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or SWINDLER. Do not even eat with such people.
Anon 20:14, only Nigerians do all these things you listed okwaya, oya 👏 for yourself.
DeleteAnon 20.14 the scripture u quoted basically applies to everyone on earth.well if u mean ur sisters n brothers then apply it to ur sisters and brothers then.ur fellow nigerian doesn't fit into that category.they are your country people.the country you are people there are righteous abi? Most whites are atheist. They are also sexually immoral but u like them and associate with them🤔🤔🤔
DeleteBest decision dissociate yourself from naijas. Only the reasonable ones. I would love to be your friend. I like in Europe. Moatbof them do drugs and send money home they are not professionals. We know them n.a.. We live in a white neighborhood best advice we got from a prof..
DeleteThat is only what Nigerian meetings are good for. Transporting dead bodies. Do you have any idea people dont even want to be buried? I want all my parts donated and ashes burned. Why do we bother about nonsense...thry should help improve your life education and living. Which Naija group does That? I didn't see any in your list.
DeleteNigerian mentality they celebrate death and not living even a man couldnt eat while Alive the kids will kill cows...lol
DeleteContinue segregating yourself from nigerian's till ur children grow up and wouldn't be able to identify with her roots. And start behaving like a white(no morals, no character, no manners) she would see her parents as nothing
Delete..No respect to them or her elders.
If u don't imbibe ur culture on ur children they would end up behaving like akata. And who wants any meaningful thing to do with akatas. Start now before its too late.
DeleteNo no no
ReplyDeletePeople do this a lot (marrying another wife overseas for green card) but they don't request divorce from their wife back home. Perhaps, he tricked you?
Everything will be fine, till when? The clock is ticking, and years are going by. Let him tell you the truth so you can move on with your life.
This is so wrong.
This is funny sha.
ReplyDeleteHow he even convinced you to divorce him and you agreed as the supportive wife that you re is laughable.
Your husband is enjoying his new life. Sharp guy. How do you people do long distance affairs sef. I can't fit.
I just tire o. Na buhari still cause this one so? So if they say that all married women should come out, you will still come out abi? Poster for how long will you continue to live like this? Are you sure he will come back for you? It's like you are his baby mama here in nigeria while his oyinbo wife is his legal wife. God forbid anything should happen to him, the oyinbo wife is his legal wife and not you. Sorry o. Continue to keep SDK blog as your companion on cold night while your husband is servicing His dick with oyinbo sth. The lord is your strength
DeleteThis one bad oooo..cant think of what to tell u cuz its not gona be easy for u getting him back, , i have to be sincere.
ReplyDeleteStella, u nailed it, , alot of women has done this all cuz of greener pasture..see, i have someone around me who did this years back, she lost all..i mean all about her husband, the only thing she gets is money, i mean ego, frequent alert coming in every month even the last time the man came into the country, he didnt even bother to see her cuz he came with the Oyinbo wife
Ⓜc pinky
That money he is sending to her is for her to respect herself and stay away from him and his oyinbo wife.
Delete
ReplyDeleteYou just woke up with clear eyes and
scattered your marriage for peanuts?
It was a stupid action you took.
But if you love God; he works all things for the good of they that love him and are called according to his purpose. All things include this matter. If you report him to the embassy, do you have any prove; emails, texts etc to show that the divorce was a stage managed thing?
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Prov. 14:1
ReplyDeleteGod...anon...this was what i wanted to post before i changed my mind to another thing having in mind that, love can cloud womens heart and actions....
DeleteIts a pity poster, , i know how u feel..put ursef together and walk things out for ur kids thats all
Ⓜc pinky
Very foolish behavior.
DeleteWhy are Nigerian girls so "abroad minded?"
You wan go Yankee sote you divorce ya horseband. In fact this one na donkeyband.
Chai. Atu m ngege oooooooooooo!
If the brat mess up, the Yankee woman go just shoot am. You think say he no dey see
gun for that house and in her car. No be the thing we dey see here everyday?
Theres a difference between Foolishness and Ignorance! She was obviously ignorant & went ahead with the plans.... We've all fallen victims in one way or the other.
Delete@Oxygen
DeleteDid you say ignorance?
A graduate, even if a school lever, signs a document annulling her marriage and you call it ignorance?
Why not call it by its true name; greed and desperation?
Chronicle of frustrated married woman.
ReplyDeleteShe is no longer married sef. She divorced her hubby for American dollars. Izzwell
DeleteDefinitely you are his side chick. What else do you want to know. You did a very silly thing to have agreed to divorced him officially and you did not even let your family know.
ReplyDeleteThis one weak me dear🤗🤗🤗🤗 You better wake up from your slumber.
Poster: Pele my dear. God will find a way.
ReplyDeleteQuestion for the house: Where is Doppelganger?
Errrrm who is asking?
DeleteSo last month a man came back from USA to remarry his wife he divorced 12 years ago over the same reason I witnessed the wedding it was so lovely and a rare sacrifice if u trust ur husband have faith and hang in there if u don't move on life is full of choices what works for Mr A might not work for Mr B
ReplyDeleteHope the man came with plenty money o
DeleteTueh! All for the abroad.
DeleteA man shall not be established by wickedness -Prov. 12 v 3.
If that's how I'ld become a foreign citizen, let me remain here with my family.
Calm down. The fact is you're not sure. Men do that here in the states and remain loyal to their wives back home. Some don't remain loyal. You simply don't know if he's loyal to you. I generally don't like this plan you guys did because most times, the new wife doesn't know what is happening and can be very depressed when he gets his papers and leaves. If you knew your husband didnt let the woman know this was arranged, then you deserve whatever you get cause the trap you laid for another has now caught you. That aside, find out how long it usually takes to get the papers after marriage. Educate yourself. Google is your friend or talk to a lawyer from that country. Don't make any rash moves that can destroy the whole thing. Getting papers is nit beans and you signed up for it so don't ruin it till you're sure he's up to no good. He will never forgive you. Even if he has moved on with her, still let him get the papers. He looks like he cares about his kids. At least he can take care of them and file for them to come for madsters degree later
ReplyDeleteMost people know it's arrangee. They are in for it for money. That's how it works. I know some girls that travelled to Nigeria, to do it for some guys. Purely for the money.
Delete..... and black dick, some of these whites once they’v tasted black dicks they won’t go back to whites, lai lai. They will do anything to have a black man even if it’s to come and marry them from Africa. Some of them now know that most of these blacks marry them for paper but they don’t care as long as they get to enjoy black dicks legally for that period. So na win win 😜
DeleteAnon 16:47 Imost don't know. I could never wish this on my worst enemy. The men just leave. No explanation no compensation and some women just want to kill themselves when they realize they were scammed
DeleteMadam be calm...That’s how it’s done. My aunt did Same thing (official divorce)and now she’s gone to meet her hubby with their two kids after 10 years.That one hardly even sends money home sef.And they are getting re married next month sef.Just be patient and prayerful.
DeleteHehehehe!!! Sha continue to enjoy your compensation. Don't worry about the oyinbo wife o and make sure you find something good to do with the money and give you children the best education they need. This same thing happen to one of my street friend father o. The man left the wife and 2kids in Nigeria and went to marry oyinbo because of paper. At first, he was sending money and cars for the upkeep of the children and his own family but they don't know the oyinbo woman got to know and started threatening the man. She was in control of the account and all. No money to send again. The wife in Nigeria got angry and left the 2 kids with the husband's father to marry another man. After like 20 years which the man stayed in America, he is now back in Nigeria in his fathers house with nothing. He doesn't even come outside because of shame and even his children doesn't talk to him because he already lost the respect. I pray he doesn't commit suicide.
ReplyDeleteWhy did you agree to sign the divorce papers. You are no longer his wife but baby mama.
ReplyDeleteShe’s not a baby mother/mama . The children are not illegitimate children.. yall use the word baby mama/mother loosely smh
DeleteYou people are wicked. You want your husband to string another woman along and use her and dump her. There’s no difference between you and “yahoo boys”.
ReplyDeleteThat's the plain truth right there.
DeleteExactly. And someone up there said most women know it's arranged. They don't. They almost kill themselves when the lovey dovey husband leaves them. 5 plus years of her life was always a lie. Then you come back to his life and expect peace
DeleteShatap, most of them are spelt out arranggee, money exchanges hand, do wedding go one restaurant chop everyone waka Dey go their own. I’m a man. Did it. Paid 6 thousand pounds to the lady. She no hear from me again till we divorce. Don’t say what you don’t know. Ignoramus
DeleteAnon 19.02
DeleteCome on ! This is 2018 for crying out loud! Nobody deceives anyone anymore with this..The whites have known abt for long now. and d interested ones demand cash.it's strictly biz over here. Deceive ni
Please note that even blacks who have papers do the biz too
DeleteTay, you are right.
DeleteI've found out that Nigerians only condemn what they have no use for. Very warped sense of judgement they have.
21:03 lol you don't know your people. Naija boys even deceive their own naija women. You think everyone pays. Nah mehn.where will the boy that just got to America and is doing this get 10k. He'll say God will forgive him after all he'll be nice to her when they are together. U need to hear them talk like it's nothing
DeletePeople I have heard do this. I have never heard they have to be divorced here first o.
ReplyDeleteJust be careful and don't let him now send for any of your kids or come home and pick them that it is easier to file for his kids.
A lady I know hasn't seen her daughter since year 2000 when the horseband came to pick her for holiday. The old white lady he claim to marry for papers that is childless has now adopted her and she is calling her mummy.
When that man saw the white lady has good business he has ported fully.
Madam,you are officially divorced and now the side chick?Who does that?
ReplyDeleteMay God show you mercy.
Ignorance at its peak. How about ask people how it works before opening your trap.
Delete@anon 16:45.I believe you are the ignorant one here.I don't need to know how it works because I already know how it works okay?common face your front and run fast from my comment.
DeleteMimi love
Deleteplease stick to Nigeria topics and leave Yankee chronicles for those that are here. You don't know how it's done here yet u comment ignorantly. D posters husband has to bring divorce certificate if he filled married in his visa file. Once he gets his papers he would divorce and process his wife's coming over here
You took such a big decision without telling someone in your family, not even your mum? You got married with their consent but did this big harm to yourself without letting them be in the know? Mennn!
ReplyDeleteAll I can say to you is to keep praying to God at this point, nothing is in possible with HIM.
No be her fault, na foreign currency cause am
DeleteDear poster, don’t believe all the jack shit people are saying . It’s not always the case. He needs to get original divorce papers for him to do the arrangee thing , and it’s going to take nothing less than 2 years. I am in the US and I know the system. Though he could decide to move on and start afresh with another woman, just as he could decide to just do the hustle , get the stuffs done and bring you in too...as long as he keeps in touch and make sure you are comfortable. If he has moved on, you will definitely know. hope his families are keeping in touch with you ?
ReplyDelete"If a man divorces a woman and she goes and marries someone else, he will not take her back again, for that would surely corrupt the land. But you have prostituted yourself with many lovers, so why are you trying to come back to me?" says the LORD. Jer. 3:1
ReplyDeleteI only posted the above scriptures in case you have other options you are considering.
Forget the wash wash,the husband that has remarried nko? These oppression should stop. It applies to the man as well.
Deleteanonymous 13.48 thank you. Let all those that don't know how paper processing works be giving ignorant advice. Poster hold your husband tightooooooo. He means well for you and the family. I repeat do not listen to those telling you otherwise. If his paper is not coming out anytime soon, look for a school like I said. They will give you and your kids visa and come over and join your husband. My friend that did arrangee has never even set her eyes on the man, someone even stood in for the guy on the wedding day. Now she has her passport and living with her real husband.
DeleteNa wa for some women sha. I just pray he keeps to his word if not na like this you take use your hand issue your husband to another woman. Its well enjoy the money.
ReplyDeleteThere isn’t any story one will not hear from Nigerians. I’m pretty sure you are among the front seaters and kabashers in the Nigerian church/ mosque.
ReplyDeleteThe bitter truth is that you are divorced and your marriage was for convenience because what you both did in no way shape or form conforms to the definition of marriage.
You are now a side chick and babymama- train your children and count your losses.
The power of greed and materialism coupled with foolishness.
ReplyDeleteOk, so what do you want? Is there some other guy in the picture now?
Rambo
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYour only leverage is gone with the wind of divorce. That divorce agreement is like him saying, "God be with you till we meet again"...
ReplyDeleteYou were naive, & the mistake has been made. Find closure & move on. Life goes on. You've got one life to live. Don't WAIT your life away...
Poster please don't abandon your marriage because of people who don't know what arrangee marriage is. like an anonymous said up there, your husband doesn't have anything to do with the woman. I live in the UK as well, and that's how most people get their papers. Like the anonymous said, get a school where your lives and travel with the kids and go and leave with your husband. By the time you are done with your studies, your husband's paper swill be complete. Don't listen to those who haven't crossed airport.
ReplyDeletePoster please do not follow what they say here, follow your gut feeling. You know your man that is what counts. It is the new black. As hard as Nigeria is, this is what a large number of people have done over years and finally reunite with their families when they get their papers.
ReplyDeleteForget athe questions about why his people didn't file for him, sometimes it is complicated. Keep yourself for him and look at means to relocate at least to see him and know what is happening with him. You can get a vacation visa or like a posted advised if you are eligible to do masters, then consider applying for a student visa in that country. People can only advise you their truth which sometimes is not the truth. It happens everyday bc of the Yeye country and economy we have. Keep keeping on as long as you can. It Works!!!!!
The next time you're the victim of a financial crime, don't forget to chalk it up to the state of the Nigerian economy after all, people must survive. Smh.
DeleteRambo
Most commdnters aren't talking about how this woman has no qualms sharing her husband with another woman, while stringing that woman along. Or wasn't the plan for her husband to divorce the oyinbo and come back for her? But men are scum. Lol.
ReplyDeleteThe oyinbo woman probably loves him more than you do, Abi can you marry a man with nothing? Can you. Tueh. You hear dollars, Abi na pounds, your brain evaporate.
Rambo
Was it an arranged contract marriage or a fraudulent one? If the first please exercise patience it's a long process, get him to pay for a visit, or better still a nursing course or study abroad. If he is living with another woman as a couple, OYO is your case! Better move on. Search your heart I know you know the truth
ReplyDeleteThat's how it's done there in the STATES, I guess in his application, he stated that he was married, hence the need for a divorece from his first wife. Just calm down and ask him about his plans, look for a school to go futher or scholarship. Don't mind the people that do not know whats up. There is hunger in the land and man must surive. 3 of my colleauges did same and some and planning on doing same too. JUST RELAX BIKO.
ReplyDeletePoster, I believe there is a good thing coming out of this. Remain calm and be in touch with the Man. I am sure he will get it figured out and you will smile at last. Not a bad sacrifice to take for you and the children. Dont lose hope...
ReplyDeletedon't worry your pretty head, most Nigerians abroad do this, in fact there are hook up agents ,that you will pay n they will arrange a wife for you ,the wife too will know it's for Pali and she will be paid, my bro did this with the help of the wife, though he isn't leaving with the oyinbo wife, and the real wife visit once a year, so nothing to worry about,its not easy over there also
ReplyDeletehian ooo... Just when you think you have seen it all.
ReplyDeleteMadam please don't get yourself worked up.. the hustle is real things like this happen a lot. it is a two way thing. u are the 1 that knows ur man and also know what he can do. but i will say u should still trust him besides it is not as if he 4got u anyway. while waiting work on urself, take care of ur kids if he his sending reasonable money invest with it. Start having investment in ur children's name, build houses in their name
ReplyDeleteTruth is sometimes even women that agreed to get paid do also fall in love with the guy and the guy with them. If that happens, old wife has entered one chance
ReplyDeletePoster don't believe some of the comments here, I was in your shoes some years back but today my kids and I are now together with my husband in UK.. I don't know your husband but believe that he meant well for you, just stop telling people about it, just keep praying for him.
ReplyDeleteJust ask your husband what kind of marriage is that. Is it the normal arranggee? Does he live with the woman?
ReplyDeletePoster I will add to the advice from the rest of the group. Ask him if the current wife is aware it is an arranged marriage. If yes, how much did he pay and how long is the contract for? Do they live in the same house?
ReplyDeleteIf no still ask how long this arrangement is for and also that you would like an invitation letter from his family to visit him with or without the kids if he is unable to afford a flight ticket for all of you. Get his address, by the way are you allowed to call him anytime or he does he do all the calling because he is trying to save money? His intentions may have been genuine but if he didn't let this new wife know its arranged and didn't pay her, then he took a risk and is ready for whatever the outcome - either losing you and being forever married to his sponsor. These days foreigners do anything to keep nigerian men including learning to cook bitterleaf soup, ewedu, afang soup, jellof rice including miyan kuka.
Poster I will add to the advice from the rest of the group. Ask him if the current wife is aware it is an arranged marriage. If yes, how much did he pay and how long is the contract for? Do they live in the same house?
ReplyDeleteIf no still ask how long this arrangement is for and also that you would like an invitation letter from his family to visit him with or without the kids if he is unable to afford a flight ticket for all of you. Get his address, by the way are you allowed to call him anytime or he does he do all the calling because he is trying to save money? His intentions may have been genuine but if he didn't let this new wife know its arranged and didn't pay her, then he took a risk and is ready for whatever the outcome - either losing you and being forever married to his sponsor. These days foreigners do anything to keep nigerian men including learning to cook bitterleaf soup, ewedu, afang soup, jellof rice including miyan kuka.
A close relatives husband did this last year,she kept it from us for a few months,lost so much weight and became a shadow of herself,applied for visa with her kids and broke down after being denied,she finally let the cat out of the bag,he would go 5days wtot calling,call at work with video where he can't talk,we were shocked cos he was so calm and collected since they got married in '08,the aunty pray like I havnt seen anyone do,he is always on the phone with her now,says he regrets marrying over there cos there are other ways,aunty oyinbi is trying to get pregnant to tie him down so na so so fasting for my aunt,we all thought the marriage had ended but she believed in her hubby,follow your heart poster,fight for love if u still feel it!!
ReplyDeleteAll you that haven't crossed the borders of Nigeria be there talking rubbish. Poster do not mind them I repeat do not mind them .we live here we know how things work. Your husband probably wrote married in his visa application. As long as he sends money for your upkeep he will surely come back for you. Don't mind all this one's that don't know what people go through to have green card. Imagine that one writing long epistle on top what you know nothing about.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, you handed your marriage out yourself but God can redeem it for you with prayer. I noticed several commenters insinuating or stating that “most” Nigerians get their documents that way. Someone even quoted a statistically unproven 90%. This is totally untrue. In advising people, speak for yourself and your circle of friends. ALL our friends came via B1/B2 but had skills that America needed at that time and took exams (multiple exams); some went back to study nursing even if they came with a history degree. A lot of us were doctors, pharmacists, American trained PhDs, some had studied here but came back because Nigeria seemed to offer a future and was their homeland, some studied engineering, geography but went back to 18 months (at the time) RN program etc. We started with H1B visa. Some were on H1B, filed by corporate America in droves for up to 8 years before they filed green cards for us. We then filed for naturalization after 5 years of green card. We waited patiently and to the glory of God most of the people I know personally that moved post June 12 era, got their passports with their families intact. There was no “Sola Sola” as I hear is prevalent now in Nigeria’s most preferred destinations Of Houston, Atlanta, Maryland, New Jersey, New York etc.
ReplyDeleteYoung people please don’t divorce your husband to get paper. Be ready to retrain or go back to school to live the true American dream. “Oriolori” will only fetch you menial jobs in the informal economy and trust me we are no match for Hispanics and low education Caucasians in that sector. Ask the commenters telling you it’s ok or will be ok what they do here. I know there is dignity in labor but if you go that route, your medical degree may end up fetching you the job of a parking lot attendant. There are folks like that here. America is not paradise with streets of gold where if you sweep the streets you will fetch gold. Minimum wage is $7.25 to $10 per hour in some states before Uncle Sam and co even touch it. There are many Nigerians living in regret here because of those that advised them when they first got here. Prayer is the only way to get that man back because the person he married here is his recognized wife here and she can blackmail him or report him if she suspects immigration fraud. Do a lot of research before embarking on a life altering trip. Above all be ready to do exams and retrain to live the real American dream. Please don’t abuse me. I write with a pure intention as I see charlatans even here advising people wrongly. Retraining time flies back and you will be ok. Don’t end your American dream braiding hair in secret from Uncle Sam when you could have retrained or taken exams to reach your goals and give your kids a better chance in life. There are indeed 2 Americas. Choose the better one.
But you cannot retrain on a visit visa...or can you?
DeleteYou have spoken very well. You can retrain even before entering America. Some guys just looking for a wife in America. Even those potential wives want to knwo what you did in naija because some courses can set you up for a byter life with your American bride
DeleteSome naija men are too stubborn to go back to school and learn s that's in high demand. That's how they get frustrated with their "masters" degree in geography
emmmm Ma or Sir it seems u'v not been home(Nigeria) for a while now. Maybe you will understand better why a graduate will willingly want to go and be washing toilet in the UK
ReplyDeleteIt used to be that before your 6 months at port of entry expired, if you are able to find an H1B filing organization, they filed to convert it from B1/B2 to H1B. H1B was portable from one employer to another. Some even get Nigerian Americans who own businesses in the same profession (there must be no Americans interested for approval to take place) to hire and convert them and then you didn’t have to come home for f1 or if you were in some professions, you take your exams and change jobs. I know DoT has changed some things but folks don’t have to divorce to get legal papers at all. I prayed my heart out and believe it or not, about 7 weeks into my 6months, a Fortune 500 company asked if I could sign up to work for them. They got my resume from yahoo job site at that time. I got my SS within 2 weeks after that. I ported my H1 etc and we are citizens now. This was almost 20 years ago. I do come to Nigeria and I see why people want to do desperate things but it was also bad then. Armed robbers were killing anyhow in Lagos and we were robbed on 3rd mainland at gunpoint and then the daily visits to our house came as they found our address among what they stole. We moved out and never slept another night but the maigaird would tell us at the street gate at 6am how 5 men waited there for us and he had to hide. It is still one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. My spouse’s best friend was murdered at home though he had a Pitbull and a gun. We just left. We had multiple visas and were going and coming but this was too much. We left. Never to come for almost 10 years till our green card came. We were lucky we had God on our side. It was a leap of faith as there wasn’t enough time to even sell our stuff at good prices. So we left with a boatload of faith and our God by our side. I initially even gave the police in my area thousands to protect the house. I gave up when they came back after 3 days that 10k needed topping. We both had multinational good jobs. I never wanted to live outside Nigeria. It’s sad. I read these blogs and I’m sometimes moved to tears at the stagnant Nigerian society or deteriorating Nigerian society. I just hate for people to suffer in a strange land with our different accent and all the racism. You will if you don’t pray and plan right.
ReplyDelete