Na wah!!!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
FAMILY IN LAW BROUHAHA
This is a bit long but I will try to summarise. I got married traditionally 2014 and I have a beautiful daughter and a very good home by God's grace.
Well, early this year I found out I had gotten pregnant again and when my parents eventually got to know they started insisting we 'legalise' the marriage in church. We had already done trad and court and were content with that but the pressure was much so we started planning.
Hubby doesn't like small occasions as he is a business man and feels the need to invite all his 'associates'. As Catholics, we started marriage course but decided as a couple to keep the wedding plan to ourselves and not tell a soul including our parents as we weren't sure when the date should be.
Now to my main gist, my husband is from a family dominated by women, his mum is in her 70's and her kids take good care of her. I met hubby through his eldest sister and before I accepted to marry him she told me tales of her other brother's wife( they are only 2 boys, my hubby is the second son) how the woman used jazz to get her brother, how I am the only wife mama has and So on. God knows I don't even say a word when they discuss that woman because I know their character though I don't know the woman well cos we aren't based in the same place but I admired her for not giving a care about what they were saying as she single handedly takes care of her 5kids( her hubby is jobless).
Now since I got married, my mum in law has never stepped foot in my house, she only visits one of her daughter's who lives just a street away, sometimes she stays for over 6months there and I go to visit her with food every week for that long period!
Even when I had my daughter, I still go there without complain showing her love and hoping she loves me too. The woman she stays with is a pain, she gossips a lot, and makes sure you remain friends with her while she makes every other person your enemy including her siblings and the worst is she does same for each person, she turns people against each other and tries to remain the best to everyone.
My hubby loves her so much and listens to her as his sister but since he got married to me he shifted focus and sought my advice when making decisions instead of hers and this made her furious.
Now back to the wedding plan, we decided to fix a date and eventually called our families to let them know, my parents were elated, and I expected the same reaction from the in-laws but to my surprise this his particular sister started making a case out of it!
She kept turning her siblings against me saying I told my husband to hide the wedding plans from his family and we were now telling them after fixing the date, mind you the date was three months away o and no invitation card yet. She said so many things about me, not to my face though and turned their elder sis who loved me so much against me.
Chai, Stella I cried o, every midnight I will carry my big belle and cry ehn, I couldn't even Pray for the success of my wedding. The worst part is after hitting heads together she will call me and act as if nothing happened and pretend that every other person was angry except her but na she carry am for head. Every minute she will call my hubby and task him for money to buy mama medicine or provision or wheatmeal, just something to make sure she extorts money from him, he will complain to me and I will tell him to give her as she's his mum na.
Nobody called to know how the wedding plans went with my heavy tummy and stress despite living in the same city. Only my family showed concern. I kept cooking and taking to mama to show love despite my busy schedule but no one asked me how far? They pretended as if nothing was happening so I kept calm even as the thing pain me die. The last time I went to her house to see them, this woman left me with mama and her kids and went to the market without letting me know, She totally ignored me, came upstairs to take her purse, she didn't even say she was going out she just Left!
After waiting several hours for her, I carried my baby and my two left legs entered my car and went home, I shed a tear or two,called my hubby and told him what happened. He was furious, he called his sister and warned her to stop making me cry that I was pregnant, and have done nothing to them(mind, this was the very first time he was doing such). After that call, all the sisters called me and started shouting at me that I wanted to break their family. I decided to strengthen myself and mind cos of my condition and leave all to God.
We did the wedding which was a success and everyone went their separate ways. I have not step foot in that house again after that insult not even to see mama cos I decided if i want to see mama, I will do that when she returns to the village or if she comes to my house as she hasn't stepped foot in 4 years.
I'm scared now about this decision as I have a soft heart and my hubby is changing gradually, since that incidence he has never mentioned his family to me. Even for advice, he hides things now and we just talk about other things except family. When they call him he goes into the room to answer, I want to mind my business but I am so bothered about the change cos I know I have never lied or hidden anything from him and I swear I have never advised him against his people cos I know karma, I also have not insulted his family in anyway.
Please Stella and my fellow bv's should I confront him? Or should I let things be? Should I go visit his mum? is he angry about that? He hasn't said much (it's been 2 months) though I'm still very hurt. Please advice, sorry for the long post..
Na wah!!!...My Dear please leave him as concerns his family,he might be trying to deal with their ish without bringing you in...........I dont know what their treatment to you will be but maybe you should tow the line of the other wife...if being their friend is not working then,just stay away until further notice...........
After this long silence,they will really deal with you if you visit or try to be friends and that will bring more stress with your hubby....Be wise and search yourself if you are doing anything wrong in anyway.........
I dont envy you at all and wish you all the best
Today's chronicle Na women palaver, make I read comments to learn.
ReplyDeletePoster press your ignore button and face your hubby and kids.
DeleteHave you seen why the other wife is minding her business?
For months now my MIL has not called even when I nearly lost my job as a result of my son not being ok. I faced my front and hubby no send. I'm cool with others o.
DeleteThe mistake you made was going there every week. Who does that? She can't come and see her grand child at least once. Don't keep malice with her o, call her instead.
On your hubby side, when he's happy, you know, ask him, hope mama is doing great and everyone or anytime he finish answering their calls.
Always Pray for safe delivery, your husband, family and everyone, including me sef, and do not worry yourself dear.
Focus on the preggy and don't stay idle no matter what.
Poster worry not. Make sure you keep calling your mum in law just to check on her
DeleteInstead of visiting every week, visit once a month instead. Anything the sister does when you visit, just ignore her, take food stay for like 2 hrs and take your leave. Stop letting them upset you.
Femilicious she will not call anybody. Poster mind ur biz n only see dem during a compulsory family gathering like wedding, burial, xmas etc. Dats how I handle mine n trust me dey will adjust to d new style. Dey will gossip wen dey r tired dey will shush their mouth. My own didn't want their bro to marry me cos of my tribe, dey said I was possessed n all, stood me up on my introduction n I was pregnant n far gone if not I would have aborted d baby n ended d union. But God knows how he does his things.
DeleteI wonder! Which one is every week? Don't start what you cannot finish people don't hear. Face your front. You have a soft heart and I pity you because they know this and will continue to exploit it till you harden your heart a little. Not saying you should be wicked but try to mind your business. Face your home and ignore them. Visit mama only together with your husband once in a blue moon.
DeleteMind your buz
DeleteYou go there every week for what? Why do you want to start what you can't finish? Even with pregnancy you are going there every week ?? Hian.
DeleteYou need to comport and respect your self, reduce interaction and this unnecessary familiarity. They must not like you and trust me if they are bad people, they will never like you no matter what you do.
Go and see mama once a month and call her once in say 2 weeks, kapish. You can buy her provisions and stop the cooking abi she doesn't eat in her daughters house.
Me I don't even have time for all these with my in laws,God knows.
Chai!...
ReplyDeleteSee what pregnancy hormone can cause!!...
Making someone to be crying unnecessarily!,..
Madam,please focus on giving birth and leave your husband and his people!...
Press the ignore button and keep your self busy!...
I know this kind of family very well and can imagine what she is going through. But me i don learn lesson from first marriage so the second one i am ready for any bad belle people.
DeleteMy first marriage was filled with domestic violence but i honoured my in laws like my life. They will treat me like trash and mother in law naturally will just believe i am not good for her useless son. When your son was sleeping around and using me as his punching bag all she had to say was that i might be the one pushing him to do all he is doing. So lessons learnt was dont try to be nice to them.
I carried my big head and entered marriage number 2. Mother in law is my paddy for life. She will support me even against her son. She go gossip her pikin sef give me. But there is this sister in law that feels she is the all and all. First she said i should call her Anty hmmm i didnt say a word because i knew her mum will tackle her for me. She now pretended to be friends but i suffered from the friendship. She will start by telling me in front of her brother that the things her brother is tolerating from me that a whole lot of husbands will not take that from their wifes as her husband will not take rubbish from her. After spending 2weeks with me, i was shocked the day i saw an sms she sent to her brother that she feels his marriage to me is very toxic that he should abandon ship. Since then i have gone silent on her and she tried calling 3times which i didnt pick. Its 9months now and i think i have my peace. Her mum and i are besties and that is ok for me.
Dear poster, forget husband and in laws. Do what you are suppose to do as a dutiful wife and ensure your home is blissful. Even the bible says that a MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FAMILY AND CLING TO A WOMAN.It didnt say you will marry family
Abi ooooo...nice one dear i can relate
DeleteOnce you start calling your sister in law aunty then there will be trouble in your family. You should as well call your husband uncle.
DeletePick advise from those that have experience involving with in-laws ...don't let an 18yo jambite mislead u...since I dunno d best advice for u, I will read comments
ReplyDeleteNne,face your life and the people who love you. I'm talking from experience, o. They will look for you when they see that you don't have their time. If hubby says you should follow him to visit, by all means,do. When you meet them at family gatherings, be respectful but don't open your teeth and get too comfortable. They will learn to respect boundaries. Peace.
DeleteNne,face your life and the people who love you. I'm talking from experience, o. They will look for you when they see that you don't have their time. If hubby says you should follow him to visit, by all means,do. When you meet them at family gatherings, be respectful but don't open your teeth and get too comfortable. They will learn to respect boundaries. Peace.
Delete@15:53 you've said it all.
DeletePoster you have a family, so thank God!! Stop doing things to please them since that hasnt worked. And when you see them too be very nice and wear a huge smile. Play their game my dear! Thank God you never spoke evil against the senior wife. I wish you could even make friends with her, she would have her own story to tell and alot of advice for you whenever their drama starts.
You're really a softie but sometimes experiences are meant to harden us. Take care and safe delivery.
Na over familiarity dey cause all these things!...
ReplyDeleteStop going to any body’s house!...
Mind your business!...
i concur. taking food evry week? is there no food in the said daughters house?
Deleteyou can ask your husband hope all is well with the family. call mama often and make sure there is no bad air ther. you can visit once a month or so. you over did it by going there weekly. Also come to think of it no one should be pressured into doing any nonsense wedding after trad and court. you could have done the wedding one sunday in church and invited all to eat rice at home. no stress at all.
speak to your hubby sha he shouldnt be leaving the room when he talks to them something might be brewing. beware.. just ensure you are both on the same page and leave relationship with his sisters and mum cordial
Ah! E pain you oh 🤣🤣
DeleteTrue sha @over familiarity. It usually brings contempt.
@ queen boss the best advice so far
DeleteI don't think taking food to mama every week is bad oo,even seeing her that often too but its STRANGE that in 4years she hasn't come at all,don't stop the food poster,drop,greet and leave for your peace of mind!!!
DeleteMost importantly tell ur husband ALL of your FEELINGS,the change u noticed and what is going on in ur head,please don't suffer silence,especially in your condition,may God light ur path!!
Poster try n snoop to know wat he is discussing with his sisters.u can also try to eavesdrop on his calls with them. Don't be too relaxed try n know ur stance biko
DeleteStop taking food there, you are pregnant for crying out loud..
DeleteSit your butt at home and rest if you have nothing to do. They should be the ones bringing food to you not you taking food to them.
Why would my pregnant sil be bringing food for my mom? I don't understand!!
They didn't like the other wife, so they badmouthed her to you. What's playing out is exactly how it played out with the over wife.
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't know why you're so keen on being friends with them. Some in-laws aren't just worth it, so it's best to give them their space. They'd label you the enemy, but you'd have your sanity.
It's best to concentrate on your self, your family and your career/business. Let your success make the noise.
it's ok to be on good terms with in laws since they're a huge part of your husband. Obviously, the sour relationship between her and her in laws is already giving her marital stress. Her husband now sees her as an 'enemy' to his family. That's not healthy for the marriage and can generate trust issues. Poster, please, don't cut them off completely. Continue to check on mil but not too often. There has to be boundaries. Have a heart to heart with your husband. What concerns him affects you and he shouldn't alienate you. Continue to show interest in his mother. Husbands are happy when the wife and mother are friends.
DeletePls, handle this with wisdom. Things will fall into place eventually. Don't be overwhelmed. It happens all the time.Boys and their mothers!
Little wonder God expressly commmanded a man to leave and cleave. For women, it comes naturally.
Some in laws and their wahala.
ReplyDeleteYou can't just please them.
Very difficult set of people...tufiakwa
DeletePoster you better mind your business and leave those women alone. Can't you see that your gbaza queen is not appreciated? Behave like your co wife and face your immediate family.
ReplyDeleteMama has been in the city for so long yet refused to visit you but you have the ample time to be visiting every week? Don't you think she has her reasons for not visiting? Leave them alone and face your front.
Real gbazaqueen..laughing in Chinese
DeletePoster, see eh, stop making yourself available for your inlaws. It doesn't always end well. I was once in your shoes, always going to see my parents in-law as we live just a street away from them. As I noticed the 'see finish', I jejely stayed on my own. My kids go to visit every month together with their dad but I don't. I have only been there once this yr and that was during the family thanksgiving. Now I go there like once in 4-5months, we talk on phone like every two to three wks sha, but my dear, the respect is now there. They don't joke with my matter now.
ReplyDeleteThis one Stella no envy you at all, me too no envy you for this matter. Try and get busy with something doing because I am sure that because you are less busy is why you have time to peep on your hubby.
ReplyDeleteIt is well. Marriages that is supposed to be joyful is now pains by the devil
This marriagecthing is a big job o and somebody will be fasting, casting and binding just to get married. Hmmmm
ReplyDeleteMy dear...and do u know that its this same women that bind and cast that suffer must in d goddamn marriage. chai..why will i be praying to go n suffer, biko i like it single.
DeleteMy dear if hubby is talking to family.. .tro words like greetings and act like nothing is happening
ReplyDeleteOne phrase
ReplyDeleteMind ur business
I would have said " lock up " but it might not work for you because it seems you are the emotional type.someone like me would have forgotten most of their names by now.😎. I treat people the same way they treat me.If you say lets be "sweet" i will be very "sweet" if you say lets divide "state" i will divide country join.
ReplyDeleteI pray God gives you wisdom to handle this.I always tell myself marriage shouldn't be a war front.This is worse cos your MIL is involved.I don't expect your hubby to be happy if you are not cordial with his mum.
Onye nwe anyi gbaa gi ume.
Lmao. My dear we are in the same WhatsApp group. I only send who sends me biko. No strength for wahala
DeleteMind your business! You must not be friends with them. Also don’t ask ur husband anytin, just concentrate on your husband and kids and your own family. Let ur in laws be! Them go gossip tire.
ReplyDeleteMadam hope you have a job? If you don't after delivery, pls get a job.
ReplyDeleteSave and mind your business. May God strengthen you. Marriage isn't a day job, it takes grace, patience and maturity.
Wonders shall never end
ReplyDeleteⓂc pinky
I believe in not starting what i can't finish.
ReplyDeleteDon't be unnecessarily friendly with them.
Keep your distance and visit once in a very blue moon.
Don't call if they don't call you.
You only owe your MIL the duty to call and visit.
Must you be close friends with your in-laws? Look sometimes you have to put in distance btw you and your in-laws just to maintain the respect you deserve.leave them alone and enjoy your pregnancy in peace.
ReplyDeleteAs for your husband maybe he has taken a decision not to invite you into his family wahala again because it's causing a strain between you and them.
Don't trouble him about his family,infact don't ask him anything about any of them.Mind your nuclear family, As long as he keeps been a responsible husband to you and a good father to your child then you should not bother him about his family ish.
Be wise woman, stay away from your in-laws path.let your soft heart concentrate on something better like your pregnancy and building a SOLID HOME.
LEP😛
Your husband is keeping family ish away from you because he doesn't want to see you hurt. Just face your husband and kids. Pray for his family and reach out to them through calls. Be strong dear
ReplyDeleteNice advise from Aunty Stella. I wonder why people think church marriage is the legal marriage after doing traditional and court #duplications
ReplyDeletePoster you caused this nonsense by being overly familiar with them.
ReplyDeleteI always tell people, my in-laws worship the groud ni walk on, when I visit, I hardly do anything, I sweep or wash the dishes and then pamper myself.
Hubby and I normally visit at least once a month but since April, I have not gone for reasons best known to me.
I don't go out of my way to call them, if my SIL calls I answer, sometimes she gives MIL so we can speak.
I do all these I don't believe in starting what I can't finish, even my own mum I don't call her often. Among us siblings, we even go months incommunicado but it doesn't mean the love ain't there, so how can I suddenly at this age start licking anyone's ass? I'm a bad pretender so I can't even put up a face to save myself.
I remember when MIL and SIL visited us at home cos we packed to a new place, it was evening and I was ironing Hubby's and I clothes, after welcoming them and exchanging pleasantries, I went back to my ironing, it was hubby that warmed and served them food. Because I don't like my kitchen unkept, I washed up the dihes later before going to bed but if it were to be on a normal day, I will tell SIL to go wash them as I'm nobody's maid.
Don't get it twisted, my in laws are very good people, but I believe in life, you have to hold your own before u get muddled.
Your in-laws should not be ur friend.... They are ur in-laws, leave it at that, stop trying to be their friend ,make friends outside ur husband families.... It is over familiarity that is causing all this...call ur mother in-law once in two weeks, stop going there everytime, stop cooking, her daughter can cook for her,face ur family /marriage, forget about them, let ur husband handle his family, don't ask him anything about them again... Make them feel irrelevant.... It works for me
ReplyDeleteBecause it worked for you does not mean it will be the same for her. So, she shouldn't give her mother in law food because the daughter misbehaved? If that woman is her own biological mother you would tell her to stop giving her food? Who provides the food? is it not the son? What's her gain in troubles booming and no peace of mind?
DeletePoster, let peace reign but know your limits.
Give her food? Is the mil in her house? Common shut up. Mother in law that has never stepped foot in her house but can go to her daughter's place? Abegii.
DeleteMadam poster whether you are nice or not, talk or not, worship them if you like, they will still tag you a bad wife. Simply press your ignore button and carry your head high. As for your husband let him be. Talking from experience.
ReplyDeleteThe irony Od everything is that...
DeleteWe are in laws to other people and we should.know what and how to comment.
You fell for the oldest trick in the book. They intentionally pushed you until you cried out. Then they turned around to become the victims.
ReplyDeleteDid her not telling you before she left her house remove anything from your body? That was your chance to let them know indirectly that they cant get under your skin.
Not everyone will be your friend. Limit the number of times you visit Mama there.
If you want to take things back to default mode, you will need to visit Mama one more time atleast, bearing food and smiles. Greet your sister inlaw very well. Ask of her job,business and kids and don't let them drag you into discussing that issue.
Your hubby is hiding his conversations with them cos he doesn't want to look like he has taken sides, this will continue until they drive a wedge between both of you. That is when he wont let you in on anything anymore.
Make him see that you have forgiven his people and try not to nag about them. You need to get him back as your friend.
If they can complain about a woman raising her 5kids herself while their brother is jobless, that means they will do more to you. Love them from a distance.
POSTER THIS IS A SOLID ADVICE, take note. I second this, visit again and let their actions be like water off your back - MEANINGLESS!!!! Your marriage is too young for hubby to be hiding their conversations with you. Learn not to start what you can't finish, me who hardly goes to visit MIL, she calls me for advise more than the other wife who is always sat at her shop. KNOW YOUR WORTH, VALUE and they will keep you abay and respect you.
DeleteOver familiarity caused it..Just be on your own lane,be nice when you see them,but stop visiting biko,why didnt she even come to your house to spend time with you sef...Me that hate cooking will now be taking food everyday...food kill the MIL there.....Mtshewwww
ReplyDeletePoster, you don't need the drama and the enmity. No matter what one of them must be your ally. You need less drama more peace of mind. You have mama's number? Call her and greet her. If you have food to give mama, package the food properly and when you get there, greet everyone with joy and smiles and stay like 5 mins then then zoom off.
ReplyDeleteIf your husband is on phone with them tell him you want to say hi like a 1 min and return the phone. Please do not make all of them your enemies especially the eldest.
You don't need this drama but be firm and maintain your self worth.
But wait, have you ever invited mama to visit you. Playfully ask her when she will visit your home.
that is why i no wan marry man wey get plenty sisters most especially elder ones. make everyone mind their home and congregate when occassion arises. that is the way i was brot up. madam take prayers bend them to okra them go leave yuna alone. browse prayers to keep troublesome inlaws away.
ReplyDeletewhy should she pray prayers to keep troublesome in laws away? They were not coming to meet her. Na she take her own leg waka go look for them.
DeletePoster,you caused everything that is happening today.
ReplyDeleteOver familiarity caused it. You keep going to give MIL food to prove what exactly?
I don't call my in-laws all the time not because we're not cool with each other but because I don't want to start what I can't continue. One doesn't like me because she thinks I changed her nephew just because nephew didn't change date of wedding to a date she prefers. I still no send her.
Just ignore them but I know you won't ignore. You sound like very soft person.
Why where you taking food to grandma every week? Them no dey cook for the house where she dey? Na too much familiarity on top say you wan form good wife.
ReplyDeleteAnyway it's time to stay on your own as long as your heart & hands are clean, face your children & leave you husband & his siblings. I can imagine how you will feel wanting to know what he does with them, you can just ask him occasionally hope they are fine & then that's all.
The best thing is to ignore them
ReplyDeletePoster your problem is that you want to be liked as the 'good wife'. Unfortunately your interfering and controlling inlaws will never see you as such, so stay in your lane and face your front. I have a cousin like you. Still trying to please her devlish and evil mother inlaw after 25 years of marriage. Even her own son has told my cousin to stay away and he does not even talk to his mother but she will not hear. Madam, stay away and live for your husband and children.
ReplyDeleteFriendship and communication are essential. They are the foundation of any good marriage. The moment you become uncomfortable talking to your spouse about an IMPORTANT issue,or anything you are uncomfortable with, know that trouble is rearing its ugly head.
ReplyDeleteIf this man is your husband, why not employ the best strategy you know on speaking to him and talk to him about your concerns. Ask him why he hides to take calls from his family?
One sad truth is that in-laws can break a home, when the couple is not a team. You need to form a strong team with your husband such that even his mum and siblings cannot breach it.
You need to know what their conversations are about. You need to know what they are saying to your husband. This will help you strategise right.
PLEASE NOTE: your in-laws are not your enemies, so don't move with the mindset of attacking your enemies, it is just to arm yourself with information so that IF they are trying to exercise any negative influence over your husband, you will be aware and counter it. The Lord will help and uphold you. Just keep praying, cuz we will never know the plots of the evil one, your refuge is in God alone and not man.
God will keep and preserve your marriage and He will not allow any evil befall you and your home.
When next your in-laws call your husband, tell him to give you the phone to speak with them (follow him around when he wants to take the call). You can even suggest that you guys call his mum and his siblings one after the other and greet them. Suggest visitations to your husband, BUT don't go alone.
I know you believe they smile in your presence and plot evil behind you; ignore that, just relate with them wisely, know what you tell them, avoid family gossip, don't tell them you and your husband's plans.Just keep it light-hearted and ordinary.
Send text messages saying hello. But even in all these, carry yourself right and don't allow anyone use you.
That Girl zaram!!!!!!!!!!
In-laws and their wahala, i used to be a softie, always begging and apologising. i later grew thick skin when i realised their brother was not bothered and even used that opportunity to badmouth me before his mother so that he can cheat as he likes...............Now i face my kids and work and have established my displeasure about them living with me because all this has brought from day one of marriage was problems. If he likes he can move with his sisters. I have tried to love them and they were obviously not grateful or maybe because i am ibo and all the mother has ever wanted was a yoruba wife. Me sef for waka when bros said his mother didnt like me but i thought the idiot loved me enough. But poor man they say usually has a good attitude till he gets rich!!
ReplyDeleteAh poor man??
DeleteNo try am o.
E go love pass Shakespeare.
Humble and caring.
Make change enter im hand.
Ha!
Don dada!
FlyDaddy
Zaddy!
Leave that thing, my dear just adjust your neck and carry your cross as you see fit.
Please don't feel bad for having a good heart and being friendly,because that is how God has created You and made your heart.You are just like my cousin her in-laws treat her really bad but she's the type that likes to be free and at peace with everyone around..But people take her for granted a lot and she's really quiet and soft spoken.But now she just concentrate on herself,kids and the people that care about her.
ReplyDeleteIt's okay to want to take them as your own siblings and best friends because that is how it is supposed to be as they are now family.But you can see this people don't deserve your love.If they can take a woman managing her home and jobless brother for granted,imagine the kind of people this people are.Unless hubby ask,just hold your peace.Don't bring it up or nag.If they greet you,also greet them.Send text messages and greetings for birthdays and the rest.Don't keep grudges with anyone at all or ever exchange words with any of them,even if you are tempted.
Please just concentrate on yourself,your health and your pregnancy please.Pregnancy is such a delicate moment to stress and worry over people I beg.Just mind your business like the other wife is doing.Stay on your own.Since they don't like when good things happen inside the family.Some families are praying for togetherness and others are using their hand to scatter.When correct series and movie have not finish??Just occupy yourself and after nursing baby,if it is catering school,fashion or something to occupy you and make friends in the process.Let them be tearing their family apart.You have done your best.
I have intrusive Inlaws too so take this advice, don't even start what you can't finish! Yes be nice and all but you don't have to bend over backwards to please anybody, you act like you need their validation, and desperate for their approval. Better you keep your distance as much as you can, address them with respect but they should reciprocate the same respect! Don't let them rubbish you, OVERFAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT. They were against your having a white wedding for whatever reasons, shows they don't have your good at heart and would probably want your hubby to be able to marry someone else whenever they decide, these kind of people can even go diabolical to achieve this. Just be nice to them but draw the line when necessary. Also be independent, make your own money cos your hubby seems to be easily swayed. These people don't want you to enjoy your home and feel they are competing with you for your hubbys money and attention. Keep them at arms length as much as possible.
ReplyDeletePoster.....fine a way to communicate with your hubby.....
ReplyDeleteThis is he most important part of the puzzle!! Once you have him back as your bestie, with those goats and info flowing freely, you can then put all the others pieces of advice into play. Once you are a team again, thenall is wel in your world. Be sure not to badmouth any of them to him or anything like that. Talk to him about how his hiding things from you makes you feel and ask him if it is not true that you’ve loved them as your own family. Once you have your friendship back then you’re good!
Deleteabeg. what are you looking for set? oh you don't have enough to do at home? you are looking for your husband's family upandan? busy body. sit in ur own house. mind your own business. leave your in-laws alone. when she went out without telling you she was sending a message across that your own is too much. abeg. siddon for your own house. And what is your business what he discusses with his family? na you biko. you sound like one little nosey Parker busy body.whats your business with all what's going on with your husband and his family? abeg. build your own home. when you mind your business, your husband will be telling you by himself what he discussed with his family.even if he speaks with them during office hours when you are not there. Stop poking your nose all over the place. Look after your baby and grow up! Very annoying chronicle!!
ReplyDeleteYou have read it allllllll. Mrs Good wife.my sister the day I married my only living grany (granma) hit a stool and said nwam sit down! This old woman downloaded me the Genesis to revelation of matriage until my ears were full.the words I picked till date was and I quote" if you enter marriage and start buying Milo and Milk in the house please don't stop buying till you are old like me bcs the day you stop? She laughed hahaha expect fire to burn you from your husband.once you enter a marriage and tell a man you can sell moimoi you can carry bricks on tour head and sell.don't stop! The day you do you are looking for wahala.now to your story my sister you caused your problem! Yes ohhhhh! You entered your new family with "I'm a good wife' I'm better than the other wife.I'm soft. I'm a mumu.pls climb my body and konk my head.who ever told you to be friends with your inlaws never adviced you well.how'why???? You visit your inlaws every week? Hewu my sister you don't have work? Wait first' you enter kitchen to cook for mom in law every week when she has untrained daughters? The luck you have is that you are still a jjc so it's not late to revise.stay away from inlaws.no matter how good you are once their brother misbehaves my sister they will support him100% .you are a stranger to them oh.if you like send them 1million naira everyday once their brother cries to them 'you are finished. Get your hands busy doing something because obviously you are idLe. Stay in your house. Mind your business! Allow these set of gossips deal with their own inlaws too or don't they have? Chai if you were my friend ehn il change you for the better.I have time I call my inlaws.when I have money I send.I spread love but please don't try me because I will tell you your brothers prick has my name on it.please mind you i didn't marry my tribe oh but them know say na igBo babe dem marry.you are playing good wife to who.inlaws that will enter bus and follow their brother to go and marry another wife while still calling you and laughing? You never see anything.in fact I don't blame you you just have one child and it's like your tummy is still small not like us wey Don mature for the business with 3/4/5kids.we wey Don strong for the game wey if one nonsense in law eye us we roll eyes give them back.Nansense!!! So we will tolerate your brother's bullshit and still have energy to tolerate you pple join? My sister'face your front!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI love this!...
DeletePoster,come and read and assimilate!!..
But why are many inlaws this way? What is behind the desire to control others? To have them be at your mercy sucking up to you and licking your feet??? All because you married their brother?
ReplyDeleteI am a live and let live type of person and will not allow myself to be bullied by any so called inlaw. If you can't love me as a SIL, at least give me the respect and consideration that every human being deserves. I don't know what's so hard in that. Why couldn't the woman just say ...dear, I'm sorry I want to go to the market, we'll see later...
Poster, don't be crying for them and don't be reporting them to your hubby as well coz you know they aren't reasonable people and will always escalate the issue afterwards. Don't let them bring enmity btwn you and hubby. And also learn to communicate your annoyances with people instead of letting it pinch you inside. If it were me, I would have called her out on her attitude or asked her slyly why she left without at least saying good night. Sometimes you have to show certain people that you understand what respect means and that its important to you. Don't fight them or quarrel but don't cower either and always pretend like things don't bother you.
Look poster. did you not think that your sister in law is in her own matrimonial home? Her mother staying with her does not mean that it is her mother's house. It is her own house. Oh you are cooking so that her husband too can taste your food? Or you think it's mama alone you are cooking for? What point are you trying to prove? If I were your sister in law I wouldn't really like it no matter how good intentioned your gesture could be. Your mother in law staying quietly with her daughter has a meaning. She doesn't want problems between her children. But you carry your legs and went to draw the problem out. Trouble siddon yanga go meet am. wetin? And why is what your husband discusses with his family any concern of yours? Are you his family? You get your own for your body o. Just stop already. You aren't as soft as all that. You are just not busy. And not minding your own business which is your own family. I have been married for 29 years and up till now, my in laws do not know too much about me. And I don't know about them too much either. we respect ourselves die. I have been to my sister in laws house only once in my married life and we both live in Lekki. What am I looking for? We meet at family functions and it is with utmost respect that I'm treated. I give them full regards also. so stop looking for your husband's family all over the place. Have some self respect.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you taking food to your MIL, what is that all about?, sit in your house and give her a phone call, your visiting has brought all this problems you were trying to avoid in the first place.
ReplyDeleteMind your own family and find something doing, let them miss you. When they need you they will visit. Stop stressing.
here is something i have learned from matured couples. Your inlaw is your inlaw and not your friend. There is a boundary never cross it, you crossed that boundary by trying to be friends with your inlaws. it never ends well believe me. stop being too attached. call them ocassionally twice a month maximum. visit only when your husband sends u on an errand there. participate in family events do what you are supposed to do and leave it there.
ReplyDeletePpl are different. Considering the proximity of the SIL's house to hers, if she does not visit regularly, some in laws will hold that against her. Poster, communicate with ur husband. He is in a good position to help u understand their style and how to press their buttons. He will also know that u care about his family. He could also be the one to ask u to face ur front. Which ever way, everybody will likely be on the same page. There's no 'one size fits all' answer. Just remain pleasant and respectful to everybody whenever u do interact.
ReplyDeleteI want to see the mofo that will tell me to come and legalise my marriage after i have done my traditional marriage,bloody stupid africans exhibiting mental slavery,you now relegate your marriage to low class and accept the bloody marriage of the bloody brits as the legal one,most africans are morons in thinking.
ReplyDeleteNobody needs to force u. In Nigeria if u do not marry under statutory law, u would only be denying urself of rights under the Act. If u were referring to the Religious ceremony which the poster and her husband were required to do by family, that is an option which they probably decided to take based on their religious convictions or to please family or both. The choices are urs.
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