STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TRAUMIATISED
I was raped and deflowered at 24 by an armed robber. Only my sister and her friend are aware cos they were in the house that night. I have a bf that keeps asking for sex and one day he got really upset and said and Why is it so difficult for you to have sex with me? It's not even like you';re a virgin and I said I;m a Virgin without even thinking about my response.
He was surprised and "apologized and; He used to complain about my attitude towards intimacy(that has stopped though) and he asked me severally if I was molested in the past We're planning to get married.
My problem now is how to tell him what happened. He might not believe my story, he might become furious cos he;s been asking me and even suggested seeing a counselor, he will probably keep talking about it forever It;s been 5 years since the incident and I;ve gotten over it I had Insomnia for months, I startle easily, I had resentment for men but all that has stopped. How do I go about this situation?
Any advice will be welcome.
You have to tell him no matter how hard you think it will be. Free yourself apparently the secret is really bothering you.
ReplyDeleteWell tell him over a romantic dinner. When the mood is chilled. It just might calm him to take it in well. You can set the dinner at home. Not outside before he leaves you in the restaurant alone. Lol..
You will be fine. If he's an understanding person it won't be a big issue.
I would suggest to tell him the truth, and see his reaction. If he accepts it, it's his gain. It's his loss if he does not. Also I think you need therapy - it must be hard dealing with something of that magnitude. I feel like giving you a hug right now
DeleteJust tell him
DeletePoster start by accepting his request of seeing a counsellor.
DeleteOhh, so sorry about the. Incidencem it isn't beans. You'd just pray about it for some timen and open up to him.don't feeel inferior about another person's evil. Don't let it take ur confidence.
DeleteTell him, why? Boyfriend is not husband.
DeleteHas you talked to God about it?
Don’t add possible rejection and ridicule to your issues, poster. You have healing to do so stay out of relationships for now. People with issues should not be in relationships. It’s not fair to the other person.
Don't do romantic dinner confession o. It will look like a set up.
DeleteHave a frank talk ...... He will be disappointed cos he asked if u have been molested in the past but u didn't answer.
Both of una go dey alright last last.
I know you think you’ve gotten over you but I believe it will really help you to seek professional help. Tell him you would like to see that counselor. Tell him to come with you. Have a sit down there and let him hear it the same time Woth the counselor. That way he can appreciate the magnitude of it and how difficult it was for you to tell him and how it has affected you and the relationship
DeleteAlso, you both will be able to work through it with the counselor
Tell him. A lie is a lie. You're technically still a virgin, cos your first and only experience was not memorable. If he gets upset about this, he's better off gone.
ReplyDeleteMehn you should have told him since, I don’t even know what to say
DeleteLol Chikito , she’s not technically a virgin rape or not.there was a penetration (even if it was just one or two thrust from a man ).
DeleteThe poster should tell her bf on her own terms, it’s all up to how she feels about the whole thing .
Tell him...
ReplyDeleteIs only a fool day will be angry n use it against u
My ex husband is a big fool who takes pleasure in calling me damaged as a result of being raped when i was a teenager.
DeleteHe even told our little kid about it and said that is why he can never love me.
At the peak of the abuse,he was 'encouraging' me to commit suicide as he said i wasn't fit to live among humans as a result of being raped. BTW, i told him about the rape incident long before our marriage o, and he was so sympathetic...
If you are still married to him,you need deliverance
DeleteShe said ex husband, now your eyes need deliverance@anon 17.25
DeleteDat
ReplyDeleteAre you sure he doesn't know? But waiting for you to tell him yourself? Your sister friend might have told someone that told someone, you know how jist travel na. Buy a movie that has that story line watch it with him, check his reaction and also use the opportunity to know how he will react towards the story. Or probably there are such stories online,or the recent debate of freeze talking about rape pregnancy by hand robbers. I'm so sorry dear thank God you are now fine.
ReplyDeleteIt depends on the guy tho. Not all men will use it against you. but some foolish ones will still use it against you o. It's not their fault tho cos so many girls these days lie about their virginity and how they lost it. some won't agree that they had slept with diff men, they will rather say they were raped. That's why guys find it hard to believe when a girl tell them that they were raped or molested. So sister, the Lord is your strength. Have you gone for deliverance? Pls go for deliverance cos you don't know what those guys may have deposited inside of you.
ReplyDeleteIf you tell him and he doesn't believe you, then he does NOT love you; period!
ReplyDeleteProof?
1 Cor. 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
What this passage is talking about is TRUST. One that says he/she loves you should be able to believe you and bear with you!
Oh dear, so sorry about your ordeal. Please tell him about it because anyone would be disappointed to find out something as traumatizing as that on their wedding night. Let him know before the wedding takes place, it’s unfair for you both to suffer over a past mistake that was not your fault or his.
ReplyDeleteExplain to him why you said you were a virgin because you are only that your hymen was broken by a rapist and you’d be glad to have your first intimate sexual experience with him at the right time. Hopefully, he understands and stands by you to get over it because what you deserve is a man who wouldn’t judge you over something you had no control over. All the best!
Girl, you are a virgin; yes. You never gave consent for sex. As far as the laws of God is concerned you are a virgin. But that does not mean you are saved for eternal life; that belongs to those who have made Jesus the Lord of their lives.
ReplyDeleteNice to know that you have recovered from that trauma. You have to open up to the person you wish to marry about what happened to you. If he does not believe you, then he does not love you enough to marry you. He is selfish and love is not selfish.
Marriage is deep and the foundation should not be faulty. Poster, this guy asked you severally and even give an option of getting you counselled yet you lied to him. Now, the same truth that traveled back then is about to come back home to taunt you.
ReplyDeleteCommit everything into God's hands and ask God to help you right your wrong. Call your guy and explain to him what happened to you back then.
Ask for his forgiveness for not telling him the truth from the onset. If you don't tell him the truth he will still know somehow. Do the right and don't allow devil to destroy your joy. God will see you through.
I am a virgin too. i have never been penetrated by a dick. but i have been sucked and fingered twice. i told my bf that i am still a Virgin and we are waiting till our wedding night. i am just scared of what might happen bcos when my ex fingered me, i felt a sharp pain down there but i didn't bleed. my current bf doesn't know about this. i am gonna keep d secret to myself. i nor want wahala. the Lord is your strength. follow your heart dear. if you don't feel like telling him, fine. but if you still want to, fine.
ReplyDeleteOkay so carry ya virginia cook food na.
DeleteEx, saw tohtoh, suck am, put finger,
wetin again he put; maggi?
Abeg carry ya wahala commot make we address better tori.
Not every virgin bleeds on the first dick penetration day. If he is exposed, he shud know. U owe him no detailed explanation.
DeleteJust tell him you are not a virgin, and leave out the incident. If he love you he would stay. Don't tell any guy about your rape, they won't swallow it.
ReplyDeleteThen they should vomit it!
DeleteWhy do rape victims feel guilty? babe, I know it's hard but please don't feel this way.It was your choice to tell your boyfriend or not. You didn't tell him fine but for you to Start feeling unworthy of him is what I don't get. please brace up and tell him if you want but if he starts acting like you are less than you are then forget him
ReplyDeletetell him about it point blank. if he is yours he will stay. when he asked if you were molested that was when you would have told him you will talk about it when you are ready. but why na only you them come rape na?
ReplyDeleteSay the truth, tell him you're not a virgin. If he ask why, tell him what happened.
ReplyDeleteIt's better you say it now and see his reaction. If he choose to walk, don't stress. Move on in peace.
For the records and medical reasons, go for lab.tests.
ReplyDeleteGo visit him with the results. My dear, just tell him.
U shud know or preempt his reaction. Tell him the whole truth. Tell him u have conducted tests and even most recent one for his record. Don't give him d reports o. Na ur certificate.
One day, one of the two witnesses may witness to him. Let all out. If u r good, if he values u d way u r, he will stick with y.
First all i am so sorry for what happened. God will see you through. I am not forming perfect but why does a guy that isn't ypur husband want to sleep with you? A man that hasn't proposed to you is not worth telliń your secret you spill the bean when you have seen his The ONE you want to spend the rest of life with. Just telling you are not a virgin that's all. I believe when marriage plans are in motion that is when you should both should tell your secrets. If this guy doesn't marry you, then your secret would be his advantage over YOU. Men are funny. Thank me later
ReplyDeletePlease tell him and his reaction will determine the next step to take..
ReplyDeleteWomen can lie for Africa sha.
ReplyDeleteHow can armed robber rape you, he carry lube and patience come!?
Ordinary to gbensh babe wey her kponyo never dey excited na war, talkless of virgin.......liarliar.
#pleasetellotheralies
If stupidity were a kingdom,then you brutally fought for the crown and you are actively,with all you have,all you are, defending your throne. You are truly a king and you rule that kingdom with an iron will.
DeletePOSTER HEAR NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH..YOUR BOY FRIEND WAS PART OF THE ARMED ROBBERS..is a secret
ReplyDeleteYou have been chopping outside and starving guyman since.... hehehe.....God pass devil.
ReplyDeleteYour relationship is doomed.... expect that once you tell him. You stand on a foundation of lies.
Any ashewo can tell this lie.
ReplyDeletePoster no vex oo. Am not saying you are lieing but we are instinctively smarter than that.
Even if he continues with the relationship, deep down his heart, oyo is your case.
Tell him, the truth sets free. You can send a text or an email if you don't want to do it face to face
ReplyDeleteHmm e get as this one be o.
ReplyDeleteYou should have told him the truth, still not late. Tell him let's see what happens, whatever happens it won't be the end of you so do what needs to be done babe.
you were raped, how is that your fault? simply tell him; "I need to speak to you about something....... I was raped......".
ReplyDeleteWatch his reaction and his attitude after that.
It is not every man that is concerned about whether one is a virgin or not; what matters to most is the INNER YOU; your values, attitude, and your personality - A real man makes these his priority.
When I met my boyfriend, he never never asked me about my sexual status, however, when he noticed my attitude towards sex, he began asking. I finally told him after about 1 year and some months. I'm a virgin (well.... used to be; Now I have done some crazy things with him, but no PENETRATION yet, but in my heart, I no longer feel like one)
A man who places undue emphasis on your virginity as opposed to your personality, does not strike me as an ideal partner.
However, I do understand how he might possibly feel; a little disappointed, cuz he was thinking you are a virgin and stopped mounting pressure on you for sex, hoping to be rewarded on the wedding night, by your innocence,naivety and the sheer pleasure and pride that goes with being a woman's first; DON'T WORRY HONEY, cuz he would still have all of that, cuz he would be the first man to induct you into the world of pleasure- He will be the first man to MAKE LOVE TO YOU; no man has ever done that to you. The man who raped you violated you, hurt you and merely caused you physical and emotional pain, your HUSBAND will be the man to love you and heal your body and your heart through his love.
If these mean nothing to him, then walk away proud and glad that you have just escaped an unhappy marriage and a lifetime of woe.
I did not proofread, forgive my errors
Poster pls don't tell him or anyone that you were raped!!! Most Nigerian MEN will never understand. He may act like he feels for you, marries you and ends up using it to torture you. My friend was raped, met a guy and told him after 4 months that she was raped by her cousin and asked her not to tell anyone, he told me and after a while he broke up with her. She doesn't know he told me, and i dont even know how to tell her not to trust anybody to the extent of telling them she was raped. Pls!!! Take this secret to the grave...#my1cent
ReplyDeleteOh dear I feel like giving you a hug right now, you need to tell him the truth, the fact he talks about getting you a counselor shows he cares.
ReplyDeleteOh dear I feel like giving you a hug right now, you need to tell him the truth, the fact he talks about getting you a counselor shows he cares.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, I'm really sorry that you had to go through this. How come it was you alone that was raped since you said your sister and your friend were present? Are you sure that it wasn't a set up to take away your virginity because they( your sister and friend) have lost theirs. Was the armed robber masked? Forgive my asking these questions because my mind is telling me that something isn't right here.
ReplyDeleteExactly. I noticed. Sumfing ain't right
DeleteHow do you know they (cousin and sister) have lost theirs ?
DeleteWhy do Nigerians see virginity as a gate way to heaven though ? Why would they want to set her up with rape when they can set her up in a consensual way? Smh
Poster pls don’t tell him, don’t tell anybody. A good number of our Nigerian men are not mature enough to handle info like this, there is a high chance that he’d use it against you later in life. If not why is he asking and asking? I hope you have also asked him if he is also a virgin. Madam that is ur lil secret, tk it to ur grave. If you tk care of urself well, on ur first night he won’t even know u r not a virgin. Men hardly forget things like this, he wud keep replaying it in his mind and might even resent u. They r selfish like that. Gudluck!
ReplyDeleteMy wife was raped as a teenager. And I still married her. Don't live in bondage. Tell him.
ReplyDeleteHe might be upset that you didn't let him know until now. Let him realise that it's hard for you and took a lot of courage to come out.
Give him time to pull himself back together. It's norm.al for him to be upset For a while.
However...If he leaves...he is not worthy of you. Don't stress yourself
It's not your fault that you were raped. No one should make you guilty for being a victim.
Poster my sincere advice is that you should not tell him, yes you heard that right. This is your personal life. I am a married woman, there are few things about my past my hubby does not know about me, and guess what i am taking these secrets to heaven with me. He does not know them and will never know them. Just have it in your mind as your personal secret. Because one day he will use it against you and you will regret ever opening up to him. There are quite few things you dont know about this boyfriend of yours, you cant tell me you know everything about his past and present adventures but he wont tell you.
ReplyDeleteMay God heal you and punish that armed robber.E-hugs to you darl.
Since you lied to him that you were a virgin, you need to tell him the truth. Probably if he sees you looking moody, you may just tell him that you have something that's been bothering you since the day you lied to him. You can tell him that you will understand if he decides to break the relationship. Then tell him everything. If he's yours he will stay, if he's not yours , pls let him go. He may just be aware and also waiting for you to come clean. Pray about it first. It will be very embarrassing if he doesn't find you a virgin and he will find it difficult to trust you even when you are speaking the truth.
ReplyDeleteSorry dear... Lord please fix this!
ReplyDeleteSorry dear..... Lord,please fix this!
ReplyDeletePoster since is virgin we are talking about is best you talk to him and explain to him what happened, if you had Told him You are not a virgin I would have say you keep shut, tell him about it and watch his reaction if he walks Babe just move on. Who virgin Epps?
ReplyDeleteMy sister was raped as a virgin,when she started dating her husband and found out he is serious with her, she told him and to think that the husband knows the guy that raped her. He still married her and they have the best marriage. So my dear poster open up to your man, he will stay if he is the man for you
ReplyDelete