STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LOST LYING SISTER
Hello Stella.
Thank you for the good work that you do. I have been considering sending in my story but always I find myself holding back. yesterday's chronicle has finally given me the push that I need.
Whenever I think about my elder sister, my heart is heavy and I just feel so sad and helpless. We have always been close although my sister is very secretive. She tells you only what she feels you need to know. She has always been that way since we were kids and has gotten worse into adulthood.
She hides details about her relationships and always ends up falling for the wrong men. If they are not divorcees, they are married or one comma or the other. She will swear heaven and earth that they are just friends but the truth is that she lies a lot. Meanwhile she is the most religious of all our siblings.
She is currently based outside Nigeria and married to a Nigerian. We suspect the man is abusive but my sister is hiding it.
The issue now is that for almost two years, people have been seeing her around in Lagos (friends and family). But when we ask her, she says she is not in Nigeria. She visited a cousin and our uncle met here there, but still she denied she was the one. This is someone my uncle spoke to but still she denied she was the one. 3 different family friends have seen her around Lagos.
This is someone that has not seen our mother since she left Nigeria 6 years ago (although she calls her). Even when our Dad passed away a couple of years ago, she did not come home. No-one knows her address in her country of residence or if she is even still there at all. None of our siblings can say our sister lives here. She has three kids, the last time anyone saw a picture of them was over 3 years ago.
The last time I saw her, I had to threaten to report her missing to the police if she did not send her address. I went there expecting the worst and my sister was doing ok. This was over 3 year ago.
After the incident where my uncle saw her in Lagos and she denied it, we exchanged words and I deleted all her numbers from my phone. Drastic I know, but I was just fed up.
We have not spoken now in almost two years and I just feel bad about the whole situation. She tried to reach out to me but I ignored her because I still could not get over her blatant lies.
I want to reach out to her but I am still angry. How can you turn your back completely on your family? Even if you are in a bad marriage, is running away from your family the solution?
My worst fear is that how will I know when or if she needs me? I am not even angry anymore, I've just moved on and decided to mind my own business.
Should I try reconnecting with her again? I just cant deal with her secretive life.
*Na wah!!!
True love from you to her would break all barriers. Pray for her and genuinely love her without conditions. It is well with you two.
ReplyDeleteY contradict yourself. One paragraph you say you want to reach out to her but you are still angry then next paragraph you say you are no mire angry...give her a call
DeleteI have an elder sister like that also. But she is in Lagos. All that one those is just to take and take from you. She never has money but she works and on level 14 in a fed govt job. That was how she was secretive till she got pregnant for a playboy. Me am giving her my distance oh. I wanted to travel out and told her if she wanted anything to send money,my sister said should use my money that she would pay me when i get back. Na so i just travel came back and bought only what i wanted to gift her son. Because of that she has not spoken to me for almost a yr. Told me i was silly. For my money, i just told her not to speak rudely to me at all. That all the ones she was owing me almost 500k she should pay up 1st.
DeletePls reach out to her!
DeleteSee sister love, this is why i want many kids, at least 5. But i am 34 and no husband not to even mention boyfriend.
DeleteGod you are on my case.
No advice for you please, i have my own problems.
I decree and declare in the name of Jesus by this open expression of your mountain it shall melt before you and be a problem conquered in the name of Jesus.
DeleteYour testimony is sure receive it...
Please just reach out to her, we have to manage everyone with their baggage, atleast you will know she’s still alive
DeletePoster since she tried reaching out to you, allow her. Some people are born that way. Or trained themselves that way.
ReplyDeleteShe might not be in an abusive relationship. Stop over thinking. Pick her calls. Life is once. Live it. Let your sister live hers too.
You shouldn't have cut ties with her, blood is thicker than water.
ReplyDeleteChecking on her once a while without minding her secret life won't kill you. A day will come and she would realize and return.
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeletei think you should not be fed up and try to reconnect with her. it can be really frustrating when family and friends lock you out after many attempts to get close to them. but then you don't know what she's going through not that am making excuses for her. but if there is a way you can look for her and reach out, pls do. we only have such a short time in this world. pls don't keep grudges that you will regret in the future.
i wish you best of luck
Her behavior is from her childhood, I mean how she was brought up by your parents and later ur mum.maybe something bad happened which affected her self esteem. Hope ur mom doesn't love one child than d other? Pls,try and get in contact with her with another sim card.it is well.
ReplyDeleteWill read comments
ReplyDeleteBlood is thicker than crude oil.
ReplyDeleteNigerian people who think they can solve family issues by being confrontational is the root of many unsolved problems. Whether she is a liar or not, you should have approached her with love. Well you deleted her number, please leave her alone. When she is ready or if she wants to reconnect with you she will
DeleteI don’t get, she is your sister for crying out loud. Deleting her number was unnecessary. It’s not everything you react negatively to, your uncle should have called your mum or one of you the day he met her and also this cousin she visited, can’t the person verify the claim?
ReplyDeleteShe is probably ashamed to come because of how everyone would judge her and react. Try to get her details and contact her it’s then okay to let go if she still refuses to be contacted. Everyone makes mistake and while many accept their mistakes, learn from it and move. Some hold on to it and continue to wallow. Please reach out to her whether she needs you or not.
Hmmmmmmmmm! Its well...
ReplyDeleteGod fix it for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteJust Speechless 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😀😀😀😀😆
Please try and reconnect with her, but bear in mind that we all can't be the same. Live and let live.
DeleteAnd this up there is funny to You? Wow!
DeleteHmmmmm...my sister,please reach out to her,it's very important at this moment forget whatever thing that is making you angry over her attitude cuz she needs you..
ReplyDeleteGod bless
Mc pinky
Abeg wetin "oturugbeke" mean??
ReplyDeleteDo not do anything when you are angry, you are not thinking right.
ReplyDeletesomeone else in your family should have her number or sm contact. Reach out.
If she needs you I'm 100% right that she will reach out.
ReplyDeleteStop chooking eye inside your sister's matter. She's even older than you, how disrespectful.
She failed in her hustle outside the country but she can’t tell anyone. Probably she is trying to get her life back together. Then when she is made, she will show face.. keep calm.
ReplyDeletePray! prayer!! My dear you and your family should book yourselves into prayer for her. People with this type of character when they do ujuju for them you can't differentiate their character so pray and try to reconnect back to her.
ReplyDeleteIt is well
ReplyDeleteMaybe she feels judged by you people cos obviously, she doesn't feel comfortable with you people.
ReplyDeleteTry to reach her and try to win her trust
So you deleted her numbers because you were angry? Then she was trying to reach out to you and you ignored her, now you don’t know if you’re ready to reach out to her because you’re still angry but you’re not angry anymore and you wonder if she needs you? Haba! Madam I’m sorry but you’re as twisted as your sister..
ReplyDeletePoster pls get in touch with her...
ReplyDeleteAre you guys the type that judge so much ? I had a sis that married quite early and a virgin. Being that we were from a very strict Christian home, that even having a boyfriend you will be shaking whether my mum will dream about it, it was that bad. My sis being lucky to marry early n I wasn't I kept something's away from her cos her judging character was superb, she knew nothing about me. Luckily she got a job and started mingling with very expose people, she always on social media getting enlightened that life indeed has changed and her level of reasoning Change too.
ReplyDeleteNow I can tell her anything and everything and hold nothing back as in nothing, but even with that I still don't discuss sex with her but not also lying for her. How uncomfortable do you guys make her feel when she open up on some things about her. No one is secretive oh there always that one person you will feel comfortable talking to. Create that space for her to be comfortable talking with you about anything.
Poster, this your chronicle doesn't sound like that of yesterday na. It's more like Evans the kidnapper's wife story. Sorry it's not to mock you but that's how it sounds to me. I would say since she has decided to distance herself from You, do same and deal with her from a distance.
ReplyDeletePoster try and reconnect back to her. She is not well at all.
ReplyDeleteThe lying spirit is just too much in her. She needs serious prayers from that.
It is well with una family
This is deep. what would make an elder sister to forget her family even when she lost her father? Are you sure a spell is not cast on her?
ReplyDeleteGod fix it for you people.
BV pls no cussing can't discuss it with anyone you guys are my family. I noticed everytime me and my guy are in good talking term he can be online from morning till he leaves work, even on his off. We chat more cos of my nature of work and his, we can't make calls like that during work, but sometimes he can be online and refuse receiving my chat, and out of curiosity trying to ask whether all is well he online and I will just ignore him. But I noticed if we quarrel and call the relationship quit he can go for a whole day or two and not online as his last seen will show that, no he doesn't do any settings. Not that when we are OK we do chat all the time he online oh No, so why online almost all the time when we are cool, but immediately we quarrel and decide to quit no more online again. I don't get it. Yes I do check his last seen when we quarrel and it always disturb me whether he fine when I don't see him active.
ReplyDeleteSo what is YOUR problem?
DeleteWishing you luck..
ReplyDeleteBlood they say is thicker than water. She is your sister overlook her mistakes or secretive attitude and love her the more.
ReplyDeleteReach out ma,NO MATTER WHAT,she is your sister
ReplyDeleteWhy did you delete her number? Remember she is still your sister. Please try and reach out to her.
ReplyDeleteWhen next she calls or u call, avoid asking personal questions and talk less.
ReplyDeleteLet her do all the talking, and just respond/reply when necessary.
Dont ask where she is base now or if she is still married etc.
If u continue dis way, she will frequent d calls & eventually open up.
If u r a Christian, always send encouraging and inspiring scriptures to her & always pray for her.
SHE obviously has mental problems. Handle her with care so she doesn’t disappear finally. Good luck
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this is the case with your family but Nigerian families can pile burden on relatives abroad like they are ATM machines. If that has been your relationship then she may be avoiding you deliberately. After graduating from one of the oldest universities almost 3 decades ago, ahead of all my siblings, I became a teenage breadwinner but for my dad who took up a less paying contract job in the north. My mom stopped working at 50 but even after helping everybody and not owning a single house in Nigeria while the people you helped have plenty, she is still upset that I only send foodstuff and not money, I also use my connection to get a dr to see her at home on a regular basis with all the meds and blood work required. She has told whoever cares to listen that I stopped giving her money. Yes I did. We sent so much money home that the cashier at moneygram had to ask if my husband and I have a charity organization in Nigeria because she saw the money trail. Now that I've sponsored all sponsorables, opened store for a sis with $$ of inventory bought with my hard earned money, that she never reimbursed, paying rents, school fees etc she wants me to sponsor the children of those whose parents I sponsored through school.
ReplyDeleteThese were folks we got jobs for as we had good positions in corporations Nigeria before relocating who left or refused the jobs. Nigerians, stop treating those abroad like ATM or they will start avoiding you. Now they visit sorcerers and false prophets to report me but the Bible says there is no enchantment against my Jacob and God gives people in exchange for me. Haggai saidGod is "the one that sees me". Ask yourself, was I really showing her love or I'm I looking for what she can give? People here lose jobs are in between jobs etc too. It's not paradise. I myself other than sending food, gas for generator and doctor who I pay, I have little contact with my extended family of users who don't care about me or my husband and children.
YOU DID WELL BY TRAINING YOUR SIBLINGS BUT YOU WILL STILL HER PRAYER, BE CALLING HER (YOUR MUM)AND ALWAYS BE SEEKING FOR HER UNDERSTANDING THAT WHERE YOU ARE IS NOT PARADISE YOU HUSTLE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE IN NIGERIA. IT'S WELL WITH YOU MA.
DeleteHer intention is probably to stay away from you guys, i am sure she has her reasons for distancing herself from you all. move on with your life and love her from afar. Check on her as often as you can. as long as you know she is ok and doing fine, there is not more to worry about, unless of course this isn't really about her welfare
ReplyDeleteI guess you started out by being judgemental, so she feels she can't talk to you or your mom .Call your sister please, ask about her kids and all but don't start giving advices or judging her again. Allow her to feel comfortable with you ,maybe then she will open up. Cheers
ReplyDeleteMy sister is like that as well,she married a poor boy and lied to the family that he is very rich...now that she is married she now understands better.she has to foot the bills for almost every thing in the house.she pays the children school fees her self,pay house rent as well,buy food stuffs and generally provide for the home herself with no help coming from her husband..
ReplyDelete