STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SUSPECTED DV CASE...
SDK family, please how do I and my family remove my sister from a relationship we suspect the guy is abusing her?.
They’ve been together for the past 3 or more years with a child. She cut-off everyone including family and friends. We did try in the beginning to stop the relationship when we noticed communication with her stops completely when she’s visiting this man but she went on and got pregnant...I tried, I fought, threatened, cursed, all proved abortive. I let her be and focused on my life.
Yesterday, a friend called and said, “we need to go bring her home”. She’s really worried something is wrong. My little sister who is at school(boarding house) called yesterday as well(she had a bad dream).She asked when last we heard from her.
Issue is, no one knows the house address. If and when we get the house address, I’m scared things will escalate. He is a ruffian and has all this street thugs who follow and obey him( I and my mum are planning on going together and we never supported the relationship from the beginning). There’s no guarantee things will go smoothly, though we are not planning to start a fight or what not. We just want her to pack her things and follow us home. (He is not married to her, no bride price has been paid)
We thought of going with a force person but what if he instructs he thugs to do something to us? Please help out! I feel so helpless.
*Na wah.....it is the path she has chosen for herself,why not let her be?She has not cried out for help and it would be wrong to assume something is wrong with her just becos you have not heard from her....
Have you thought about the consequences of trying to force your way into the house of a ''Ruffian''.
Try your best to get her on phone before you make any moves that will backfire for you and her.
Please don't make any move for now,,,be sure she is safe and don't conclude is she in trouble,am pretty sure u can get her online or through somebody..try ur best
ReplyDeleteMc pinky
Why you dey follow stella talk same thing?Please go with some military guys to bring your sister back home
DeleteThis is hard. See where love has gotten her.
ReplyDeleteStella has given you the right answer. Have a conversation with her or with her boyfriend before going to their house to avoid more devastating issues.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to heart and love matter, you can’t force an adult to do something even when they know it’s for their own good.
ReplyDeleteShe is an adult and forcing her can amount to your family getting charged for kidnapping. You people Shouldn’t have allowed communication to go off for so long but I understand how hard it can be with brainwashed lovers like your sister but all you all can do is to keep praying for her with the hope that she doesn’t lose her life to this love and comes back home.
This is why it’s important that women spot abusers and flee. When a man starts to tell you to avoid so and so person without concrete reason and not because those people are a bad influence then run that’s one sign of an abuser. They want to alienate you from those who love you so they can break you and ruin your life to the extent that you won’t be able to run to these people for help because the relationship you had with them would be non existent and beyond repair.
stella are you serious? sometimes if you cant advice just dont say anything.
ReplyDeleteI thought I was the only one. If the said Sister should die now, same people will ask why she did nothing.
DeleteAs much as I get where Stella is coming from, for the safety of the Sister. If there’s a way you can reach out to her, do that first. From your narrative, you haven’t spoken to her, neither do you even know where she stays. Are they officially married or just living together?
And your own advice is? The fact is there is nothing they can do unless she is willing to leave. There's likely going to be a huge confrontation. Sister girl might come and tell them to mind their business then what? That's if the confrontation doesn't turn to something else.
DeleteI was pained seriously which kind advice be dat.
Deleteplease my dear she decided to lose communication with u guys means she is living in fear with a man she not married to. if he can keep her away from her family he can kill her and nobody will no.
my advice is locate were she is and then ask people around to investigate her behavior if you find anything wrong call the whole police in were ever state you are and report kidnapping. his a bastard for carrying some one daughter without bride price. i dey vex
Kai i feel ur pain.contact her b4 taking any step..it's well
ReplyDeleteI will just read comments, i know somene married to a cultist heard he's even the capone( I thought they leave all this in school but heard he is still active.As in he still gets information of all their activities.)
ReplyDeleteHeard she slapped him the other day and he almost hit her with a hammer and threatened to send her packing.
Before now i was scared that if she leaves on her own this guy might trace her and hurt her so i was glad he said he was sending her packing so that at least she will be free from him.
Just yesterday, she posted his pic pouring encomium on him(his birthday).If you see sweet words you will feel they are in paradise or on a second honey moon.That's how i jejely wakapass the post.(I didnt like or comment).To think shes trying to let the world knows she is "Happy" where as they are having deep issues i dont even want to mention here.
As the old saying goes " dey no dey put mouth for husband and wife matter".
Poster I pray they work it out or go their seperate ways amicably if not you wey follow pack bag fit enter am if the guy decides to come after you all.
The way Stella gives advise at times baffles me. You mean they should open their eyes wide and let him kill her simply because he is a ruffian? Poster, report at a police station and bring her back before something terrible happens to her and make the guy sign an agreement that nothing must happen to her since she might go back. I hate DV with passion
ReplyDelete@ Poster, just pay her a visit to see for yourself how she is faring. Let her know the family loves her and your doors are open if she decides to come home. Sorry about your situation, I can imagine how frustrated you are.
ReplyDeletehmmmmm, allow her learn her lesson. But try and find out if she's OK. Don't start fight with a thug. They fight dirty and bloody. All the best
ReplyDeleteSee why I am happy sometimes that i don't have a younger sister? Can u imagine? Who do I blame now coz I really need to blame someone. Is it your parents or guardians? Is it juju or love? Someone or something needs to be held responsible for this irresponsible behavior of moving in with a man who hasn't paid a kobo on u yet have made u disassociate from ur family. Gosh please i hate rqdkng this sorta annoying chronicle, I don't want to lose my appetite this kunun aya is sweet.
ReplyDeleteMy mum will always say body go soon tell you.
Pray that she cries out for help. Or pray that God exposes her situation as clear as the sun and show you what to do. For now pray.
ReplyDeletewhy do I feel like I know who the poster is talking about. The story is sooo familiar.
ReplyDeleteI know this poster and this story...it's a pity she isn't still home!!!pray sister girl...PRAY!
DeleteI know this poster and this story!pray sister girl...PRAY
DeleteI beg to disagree Stella. This chronicle can be likened to the incident in Ikorodu where Mrs Bose killed her hubby. I refused to comment on the said post out of respect for my friend. she's a Bv too. Bose is a relative. Family members cussed, begged, threatened all to no avail. Bose claimed her okada rider hubby was the husband of her youth and she can't leave the kids. Where did she end up?
ReplyDeletePoster, please get the address and if your fears are true, please bundle her out of that house. Don't leave anything to chance. Who knows, you might be averting a similar scenario. If only my friend and her siblings had bundled Bose out of that house, just maybe her late hubby would still be alive.
Bundle an adult? She might still have gone back to the house. She has to be willing to leave.
DeleteMy dear, they're never willing until disaster strikes and they start wailing calling the devil. Bundle your sister poster. Don't be afraid of that ruffian. God has got you covered.
DeletePoster don't listen to those telling you to let her be. You and your mum can do what Janet Jackson did up there. Let the police check up on her. Even if you have to bribe them to do that please do.
ReplyDeletePlease get in touch with her. She may actually need help but cannot reach out to you guys because of shame/pride/ego. Talk to her more often
ReplyDeleteSome female children can disgrace their parents and siblings sha, either they get pregnant out of wedlock or your neighbor, houseboy, aristo or one miscreant is somewhere or even in her house screwing the hell out of her..... Na wah.
ReplyDeleteI dey tell you.
DeletePlease look for her, let the guy know she has people
ReplyDeleteAbusers become worse when they think the girl does not have her family's support
Call her, call the guy if you have his number
Just call and greet first
Befriend your sister again, buy gifts for her kid
Maybe she thinks you people will judge and condemn her for her choices thats why she has cut you off
Let her know that you people accept and love her and her kid, she will open up faster.
And no, she cannot pack her things and follow you home
ReplyDeleteShe is not a baby anymore
She is a mother, so just as your mum is thinking of her welfare, your sister is also thinking of her child's welfare
You have to try a different approach
Going to fight or threaten her into leaving the man simply wont work
Both of them will come together and fight you people.
Poster pls ignore all those telling you to leave her. Find a way to get her location. Get soldiers to follow you there. Take your sis away forcefully. You would blame yourself if she ends up dead!
ReplyDeleteI think you should go and visit first. Say the family miss her and the baby. Purposely buy gifts for her and the baby so it just looks like a casual visit with you and your mum. Prepare her favourite dish even.
ReplyDeleteWhen you get there try and take note of her surroundings, her reaction to your visit and her general well being. Make sure you spend the whole day. Be also nice to the babby daddy so he feels comfortable you being there.
When you are leaving just keep reassuring her that you are there for her incase she is passing through anything.
She may not open up at first. But repeat visits and encourage the man if he can be allowing her to bring the baby. That you all miss the baby not even her.
With time if her life is in danger and there is abuse. You will see the tell tale signs and she will begin to open up. Take it from there.
Good advice,poster try this.
DeletePerfect !
DeleteThis might work.
DeletePoster,l can understand what you people are going through. Find out her location, see if she is in any form of distress. Before you can make a move.
ReplyDeletePoster you cannot go and carry her or force her to come back, just look for ways to be communicating with her first and put her in prayer
ReplyDeleteWas she jazzed. Did any of your actions lead her to this. I mean you and your mum's.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she's trying too hard to fix a daddy issue in her life by following the said ruffian.
You know, most ladies with daddy issues run after the perceived bad guys.
What if the ruffian is not bad to her as you guys believe. She is an adult Shebi, let her lie on her bed.
Don't go and endanger you and your mum's lives all for nothing.
Who do we blame, bad parenting or bad child'ing. Yimu
The way you talk one can tell that blessings are very far from you
DeleteHmm this one pass me,i would have advised you let her be but putting my only sister in her shoe,dear i will not only hire Fulani herdsmen but also ijaw youth to bring her out from there. Don't forget to pray while doing that,she maybe spiritually jazzed by him.
ReplyDeletePoster, you cannot impose on her or force her to leave if that's not her plans for now. You can only check up on her. Pay them visits with gifts and show her so much love. Dont go there and start shouting because if you do you it wont help the situation.
ReplyDeleteLove conquers a lot of things. Do not condemn her but apply the tool of genuine and sincere concern and love. Win her trust and let her open up to you naturally.
Also, remember that prayer conquers all. Pray for her more even when there seems to be no results. Don't give up dear.
Another accident waiting to happen. Your sister has chosen preeq over your family and you're thinking of how to remove her from her Coolio. I don't want to blame her upbringing but use your time to call a family meeting and decide who will train her child if either "Oshodi" or "Ikorodu" happens. God forbid sha for your mom's sake. Nigerian women just gather do meeting decide say na "baby mama" be President. Your own sister come still vote DV as Vice-President. UnĂ doh o. Masochists everywhere!
ReplyDeleteGod bless u stella....poster pls dont go when she has not cried to u that all isnt well so u wont blame urselves. Have u thought of wot her response would be when u get there? Wot uf she asked who invited u or asks u to mind ur business? I av a sister in a similar situation and those were the responses we got from her. I guess that is wot ur sister wants by moving on with him and cutting all ties with ur family in the first place. Leave her for now and pray she comes out of that den with her life
ReplyDeleteStella thus your advice get k leg aveg.
ReplyDeletePoster it was wrong on your part to abandon her all these while. I advise you visit their home,know what's up,with that you can know your next line of action.
Stella, your advise is really one kind o. Her lil sister had a bad dream about her. A friend also called that same day. Sometimes God gives us signs to be able to avert some things. Pls poster, try and get her address and try to visit her. Then if you notice anything amiss, pls remove her from there by fire by force. Prevention is better than cure o .its best to force her to leave o especially now that cases of spouses killing each other is so rampant. It is well with your sister in Jesus name
ReplyDeleteNawah oh really most times when these women are not crying out might be because they're been threatened left for me I think you should take your family members to her place when you find the address and convince her to confide in you guys.... But come to think of it why would she cut off from her family even when the man hasn't paid her dowry? Are you sure your family didn't do anything to hurt her?just thinking out of the pot anyway.... she's still family no matter what try your possible best to reach out to her.
ReplyDelete