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FATHER WITH A QUESTION MARK

Good day Stella. I have been following your blog since I was introduced to it by my sister which is like 5 years now. I hope my story gets posted and I will need BVs opinion on this matter and I don't mind your red pen too.


I don't know where to start but I'll start somewhere.



I am from a family of 8 including parents. I grew up to know my father as an irresponsible man and a selfish human being, who thinks we can't survive without him. He abuse my mum, womanizer, can drink a whole brewery and he can lie for Africa. My dear mother is still with him because she thinks she may not be able to single handedly take care of 6 children, but at the end of the day she is the only one doing 85% of the responsibilities and my father is so ungrateful that he never sees what my mum is doing but rather he enjoys tanishing my mum's image and he portrays himself as Mr innocent.


He makes people believe that he is the one doing everything my mum is doing and he makes people feel that my mum is not doing any thing (he has a sugar coated mouth, it will be difficult for anyone not to believe him).


He works with federal government and he earns nothing less than 200k per month and he has no meaningful thing he does with his money. No house, no investment and we the children can't feel it. My mum works with the state government where the salary is not regular, even with that she makes sure her children are comfortable.


My father is a chronic drinker, to the extent that there is no one that doesn't know him as a drunk, even at work. That is what he enjoys doing with his salary. He moved out of our house about 3 years ago and started living with different strange women.


It was so bad that he will come around to drink on our street but he will not get home and if my mum asks him why he refused to come home, his reply will be that he has no business with our house.


He is good at dividing responsibilities and he will give the greater share to my mum (30:70) even with the fact that he earns more than triple of my mum's salary.


He will use our names to collect loan at work and he will make his colleagues believe that he is working because of us, that it is our expenses that is stopping him from building good house and using nice cars. People see him as a responsible man outside but my father is not worth being called a father because he is nothing but a useless man.


Recently, about 3 months ago, my father broke down with alcoholic liver disease and also had pathological fracture of one of his legs. He was admitted at his place of work because he works in the hospital. With everything he has done to my mum, she has developed total hatred for him. So because of this my mum refused to stay with him in the hospital (I forgot to add that he already has a wife and a child outside, of which we don't know where they live).



One of my siblings stayed with him in the hospital but he was so ungrateful to the boy, he never sees anything good in him and all he does to my brother staying with him is to abuse him. My father will refuse to give my brother money to buy food, instead he will asked the boy to be eating stale food which he can't eat. He buys fresh food outside for himself oh and he will not give my brother. I do check on him regularly but every time I check on him, all he does is to lodge complaint about my mum and anytime I talk in support of my mum, he will call me a bastard and he already said he won't show up on my wedding day. My mum used to visit him but she doesnt spend the night. During this time his outside wife never showed oh.


They discharged my father and he refused to tell us that they have discharged him. He had arranged how he will disappear from the hospital without our knowledge. Till now none of us knows where he is living and he has refused to tell us.


My friends and fiance keep on asking me about his health but I don't know the right answer to give them because honestly we don't know how he is doing. 

I think recently he needs re-admission because of his fracture, and nobody is ready to support him. The problem is that people outside including his colleagues now think we neglected him. I don't know how to explain to my fiance and friends the type of person my father is because they so much respect him.


what do i do?