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Thursday, June 28, 2018

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

Hmmm.....



STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

FATHER WITH A QUESTION MARK


Good day Stella. I have been following your blog since I was introduced to it by my sister which is like 5 years now. I hope my story gets posted and I will need BVs opinion on this matter and I don't mind your red pen too.


I don't know where to start but I'll start somewhere.



I am from a family of 8 including parents. I grew up to know my father as an irresponsible man and a selfish human being, who thinks we can't survive without him. He abuse my mum, womanizer, can drink a whole brewery and he can lie for Africa. My dear mother is still with him because she thinks she may not be able to single handedly take care of 6 children, but at the end of the day she is the only one doing 85% of the responsibilities and my father is so ungrateful that he never sees what my mum is doing but rather he enjoys tanishing my mum's image and he portrays himself as Mr innocent.


He makes people believe that he is the one doing everything my mum is doing and he makes people feel that my mum is not doing any thing (he has a sugar coated mouth, it will be difficult for anyone not to believe him).


He works with federal government and he earns nothing less than 200k per month and he has no meaningful thing he does with his money. No house, no investment and we the children can't feel it. My mum works with the state government where the salary is not regular, even with that she makes sure her children are comfortable.


My father is a chronic drinker, to the extent that there is no one that doesn't know him as a drunk, even at work. That is what he enjoys doing with his salary. He moved out of our house about 3 years ago and started living with different strange women.


It was so bad that he will come around to drink on our street but he will not get home and if my mum asks him why he refused to come home, his reply will be that he has no business with our house.


He is good at dividing responsibilities and he will give the greater share to my mum (30:70) even with the fact that he earns more than triple of my mum's salary.


He will use our names to collect loan at work and he will make his colleagues believe that he is working because of us, that it is our expenses that is stopping him from building good house and using nice cars. People see him as a responsible man outside but my father is not worth being called a father because he is nothing but a useless man.


Recently, about 3 months ago, my father broke down with alcoholic liver disease and also had pathological fracture of one of his legs. He was admitted at his place of work because he works in the hospital. With everything he has done to my mum, she has developed total hatred for him. So because of this my mum refused to stay with him in the hospital (I forgot to add that he already has a wife and a child outside, of which we don't know where they live).



One of my siblings stayed with him in the hospital but he was so ungrateful to the boy, he never sees anything good in him and all he does to my brother staying with him is to abuse him. My father will refuse to give my brother money to buy food, instead he will asked the boy to be eating stale food which he can't eat. He buys fresh food outside for himself oh and he will not give my brother. I do check on him regularly but every time I check on him, all he does is to lodge complaint about my mum and anytime I talk in support of my mum, he will call me a bastard and he already said he won't show up on my wedding day. My mum used to visit him but she doesnt spend the night. During this time his outside wife never showed oh.


They discharged my father and he refused to tell us that they have discharged him. He had arranged how he will disappear from the hospital without our knowledge. Till now none of us knows where he is living and he has refused to tell us.


My friends and fiance keep on asking me about his health but I don't know the right answer to give them because honestly we don't know how he is doing. 


I think recently he needs re-admission because of his fracture, and nobody is ready to support him. The problem is that people outside including his colleagues now think we neglected him. I don't know how to explain to my fiance and friends the type of person my father is because they so much respect him.


what do i do?

58 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Hehehehe you're not serious. Oya chop knuckle!

      Delete
    2. Does your father have a mouth? Yes. Can he talk? Yes. Ehnn... wait. Wait for him to ask you for help, wait for him to give you situation report about his ailment, wait for him to tell you how he wants you to help him. He isnt quite sure he needs you yet cos an ill man who needs his children wont be hiding information from them. So... if its abuse he can abuse? And he can drink? No. He must learn to put his mouth to better use oh by speaking up.

      When they ask you, tell them when you have information you will give them. It also seems you're more worried about what people think, and the associated embarassment, than even his welfare - understandably so. Well, i will remind you that its not in everything you take people's opinion to heart. Do they know this full story that you have narrated? So why are you worrying yourself too much about them? Pray for him, but dont let it disrupt your life. When the man needs you guys he will place a call across.

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    3. SIMPLE...

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  2. Hmmm, this is not easy...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous donor28 June 2018 at 16:34

      Poster is a learner. The only one who u should care about is your fiance.
      I sat my fiance down 20years ago and explained everything to him in tears. He understood and backed me. He used wisdom to get the man to accept brideprice and was cordial to him till my father died .
      I stopped talking to my father when I was 15.
      there was a time, he'll call my hubby and beg for money.
      I and hubs Will discuss on our bed how much we will give and my husband will give him. He never knew I was aware.
      In order words, poster, forget him abeg.
      See him as a sperm donor. Tell who ever cares to listen how bad he is, tell him to his face.
      I mean, why are u bothered or even scared of talking to him when he adds zero value to ur life?
      Please, withdraw your brother from staying with him in d hospital next time. The nurses are paid to do that.
      Y'all can visit if u really want to show face.

      Delete
    2. Anon 16:34 thanks jare. Someone dat doesn’t give a fuck about y’all, y in Gods name are u bothered? Tell everybody the truth about him let his new wife and kid takia of him. U guys should just forgive him and forget him. Simple!

      Delete
  3. Let me join in reading comments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abeg leave him alone, let his second family come and stay with him. About telling your friends, just tell them he is a seasonal father that has chose not to be in your lives. You don’t have to go into details

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  4. Pray
    Pray
    Keep praying
    Don't stop praying for him.
    That's the only thing I think you can do for him.
    OK bye!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Explain to them, since he doesn't want u peoplw to know his whereabouts, I suggest u adapt n respect his wishes... Tomorrow he will crawl back when he is broke n old.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Poster what all of you will do is to forget about him. He is a horrible father. tell anyone who cares to know about his behavior.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol
      Ugegbe m that's the best thing to do.

      I still scrolled up to check your comment. We dey reason her the same thing.

      Delete
  7. My dear,open your mouth an dtalk,lets people know the real him,the kind of person he is.Shikena!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear,open your mouth and talk,let people know the real him,the kind of person he is.Shikena!!!

      Delete
  8. He's your father, you can't buy another one in the market. Do your best for him and stop complaining.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is a difference between a father and a parent.
      Park well with this your advise.
      That man is just a sperm donor.

      Delete
    2. Please what does the word father mean to you?

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    3. Dont mind Don jare....Bia dont behave like that to yourfamily ooo.The man up ther eis just a sperm donor not a daddy/father/Parent

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    4. He's just a sperm donor...it takes more to be a father and you should know that.

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    5. stupid chauvinistic pig this DON...fool, always typing trash....so all the poster is going through is not enough to complain? poster if i were you i will stop bothering with him...explain to your fiancee let them know the truth. your father is toxic and not ready to change....his new wife should take care of her sweetheart....after they will say some children love their mothers more than the fathers

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    6. Who said you cant buy, i'm selling biko.

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  9. Ur father is plain wicked

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your dad left on his own, may be he is with his new family, just put him in prayer that God should heal in completely and he should be happy with his new found family.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Must you have a father figure? Is this one fit to be called a father?
    Poster pls just mind your business and ket him live his life.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Na wah, dont relent in praying for your father. Pray until you see changes in him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it not a parent that should be the one acting responsible by behaving properly...abeg don't waste your prayers on a full grown man who single handedly choose to be irresponsible.
      Rather pray for your mother that God strengthens her and provides for her so that she can continue taking care of her responsibility.

      LEP😛

      Delete
  13. Leave him alone and focus on your Mum and siblings. You owe no one any explanation. The only person you can give an inkling about what is happening is your fiance.

    I just hope he won't claim he was neglected by his children and wife when he is old.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's even dangerous sort of if she tells the fiance.she needs wisdom when telling him.

      Delete
  14. Sometimes we are burdened with such parents just like parents too are burdened with such children. There's not much you can do but to face your own life and keep him in your prayers. If he doesn't want you to know where he is then let it be. He is an adult man. You can never know what went down between your mum and himself so I would advise you to judge him carefully. There's no need to wash your dirty linen in public before friends and most especially your fiance. These things have a way of having a boomerang effect. There is no family that doesn't have its own ish. So Why spread yours in the open. Let people form whatever opinion they want to about you. The truth remains the truth and you owe nobody any explanations. Silence they say is golden. That's what maturity is all about. Thank God for what you have, be grateful for a mother who struggled and was there for you. Face forward and move on with your life. Everyone has his own cross to bear. Bear yours with a smile. And lest I forget- let me add- dont forget to always pray for him!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Some women are going through a lot in marriage. You just need to forgive him and hope he makes amends

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hmmm...nawa! How can a man be this cruel to his family? Hmmm

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  17. He doesn't want to stay with you guys and I'm still wondering why you guys are still trying to force a relationship with him. Why don't you focus all your energies on making it and giving your mother the best things in life? When he's old and weak, he will come crawling back.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Don't ever open up to your fiancee oh. he will use it and yab you in future. Nne wrap it very very well. when they ask say he is fine and change topic. As for your pale, it is only someone that wants to be helped that will be helped. stay on your lane, when he ask for your help then you can give conditions and help from afar. Just pay bills you guys should let him be by himself since he is sick and still has mouth to starve and insult somebody.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gof bless u....make she dey tell her fiancé

      Delete
  19. "Till now none of us knows where he is living and he has refused to tell us"

    This line above simply shows that blood is definitely thicker than water, I can't say you should forget about your father but I can say this;concentrate more on yourself, siblings and mum. Whenever your father is ready to crawl out of his hiding then you will see him.

    ReplyDelete
  20. So deep but there is something you can do. God has a reason for making him your father. Thank God he is working in a hospital. The hospital will take care of his health to an extent so you will not worry much about medical bills. If you hear he is admitted in the hospital, visit him regularly, always go with something (food) if you have the financial ability. Nobody should worry about staying with him in the hospital. Your mum and siblings can just visit regularly and leave same day. Let your actions tell him life goes on for you people without him as a father. If he is not admitted but refuse to come home, don't pressure him about his whereabouts, Call him once in a while. Don't worry too much on his welfare(fiance) because any money you give him will automatically go to the new wife. As for your friends and fiance. Most things are better not said. Every family have their own struggle. Most men judge future wife according to the relationship between their parents. If you tell him every detail of your dad, he might use it against you tomorrow, little quarrel, he will refer to how irresponsible your dad is. Above all, there is nothing God cannot do. Create an alter in your house, Join hands every morning as a family and pray for him. God will order your steps dear.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Look you owe no one any explanation but So that the world doesn't crucify you people if someone happens to him I suggest you people SPEAK UP now that he is Alive or else if he dies no one will believe you guys.

    They will call you and your siblings all manner of unprintable names should he die without people know the truth of the matter.

    Tell his colleagues and friends about his useless acts so that no one will term your mom as a wicked woman who doesn't care about her husband.
    Don't die in silence,defend the honor of your mom & siblings so that people will not judge you negatively in the future.

    STOP HELPING A GROWN ASS MAN MISBEHAVE BY KEEPING SILENT.

    LEP😛

    ReplyDelete
  22. Can't finish up. Lemme read comments

    ReplyDelete
  23. WE BUY DEAD AND FAULTY INVERTER BATTERY CALL ME IF U HAVE(08141395113/0811 790 3918‬)28 June 2018 at 16:42

    Ok oooo

    ReplyDelete
  24. This was exactly my dad but he wasn't abusive, he doesn't womanised at least none of us has ever caught him, very respected n jovial n very stingy ewo. My mum shouldered 100% of everything, even buying him clothes, he was working and earning more than mum, but where mum worked there was some extra cash coming in. Mum shouldered everything while dad straight legs and be expecting too. His own he will tell everyone it the wife oh not him. It turned mum into a very aggressive woman. Still dad refused removing one naira. Mum trained her 3kids.1 Architect, 2. Doctor. 3.Lawyer.dad Immediately started getting nice but we never disrespected him you know why he had one of the most wonderful character, if you're troubled just go to him n he will make you laugh n feel alive. Neighbors, friends, church members took him as a good man n mum the aggressive type.
    One day he started drinking being diabetic, mum beg n beg, report left n right yet for where? He had stroke that almost killed him. Mum used her gratuity he had retired waiting for pension n gratuity, but mum was paid earlier, she spent all on that hospital, slept every night with him there for one month 1 week, he had to use pampers, imagine cleaning up a grown up man poopoo. Bv mum suffered with our last born.
    He left the hosp guess what. Dad changed called mum n disclose his pension, my brother he refused sponsoring till he has 400 in Jamb,he told him to start covenant university that he paying. Dad changed he said the help my mum rendered to him after all what she has gone through broke him. Mum is now d one controlling his money n chopping it well. Cos she deserve it.
    Poster I know how you feel sincerely, ignore him n focus on your life OK. No be only you get such father them plenty.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone shall reap whatever he/she sows. It may look difficult initially while one may look foolish, but everything will come back in multiple fold

      Delete
  25. Its a complicated issue. Our parents should be our small god. No matter what they do to offend us, we need to forgive them. I will advise you do not abandon your father, check on him and find out how he his doing. Just be cautious on how you relate with him. Do not offend God because of him.
    Also, explain to your fiancee the kind of person your father is.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Its a complicated issue. Our parents should be our small god. No matter what they do to offend us, we need to forgive them. I will advise you do not abandon your father, check on him and find out how he his doing. Just be cautious on how you relate with him. Do not offend God because of him.
    Also, explain to your fiancee the kind of person your father is.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Poster, you have plenty time and energy to waste. You're worried for someone who is less concerned about you and your mother. Okay , continue. Forget him and focus on your mother and your siblings.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Poster. U better tell your fiance the real character of your father. Before he starts making u look like a bad person to him. If your father really need your help, he will let you guys know where he is staying. So just relax.

    ReplyDelete
  29. If only your mother will open her mouth and tell you where she
    visited or the place one of her friend took her to before she married
    your father,de man you are calling a useless man,,,you will know that
    your father is living in bondage,,people outside respect him and even his
    co workers he work and stay every week respect him too becos he is not what
    you thinks he is,,,,look out how you are calling your own father names,
    to show the reasons he is runing aways from you guys,,and your own brother
    who should be the one to try to bring him home and also try to know his reasons for doing so has joined you guys team,,,that was the reasons he was angry to him,,,you can not tell your hubby becos you dont know where to start and he may start asking people around about your family,,,
    go and ask him for a forgiveness and try to ask him why he hate ur mother,,
    as i am if my parents are fighting and they see me or they hear that i am
    around they will broke peace fast fast,becos i dont suport mama or papa,,but
    in the middle i am for both of them,and they confide in me,,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many are MAD.
      See mentality

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    2. Really mad

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    3. See why people don’t take responsibility for their actions? Because of people like you who find stupid stupid outrightly outrageous excuses for them!!!

      So a man is irresponsible and it is not his fault but it is jazz!!! I pray your child marries that kind of man so you experience it firsthand... nonsense!!!

      Delete
  30. Poster I have a father worse than yours in every ramifications, guess what I cut him off my life, I don't even have his number cos I don't owe him anything cos he has never buy ordinary pant for me all my life, he even send me facebook friend request guess what I blocked him, I speak wonderful of him with my fiance and his family but he has not see my 1kobo & am not ready to give him even if I turn DANGOTE, if your dad feels he can play game of claiming good man outside & devil @ home well you guys should join in the game ,even my uncles and aunts don't know what going on cos I pretend we are good but we have not seen each other for 4yrs now & I don't miss him, your father left your house when you are grown mine left when am 11yrs that's over 20yrs,i got pregnant @12yrs + by rape from a family friend, who later married me @ 13 yrs we divorced when am 20yrs with 3kids I train alone cos my father engineered my ex husband to stop contributing to the upkeep of his grandchildren that he should enjoy his life lemme train my kids alone as my mum has train us alone that's how horrible my so called father is,so he is dead to me, if my father got sick I will be announcing it everywhere ,friends donate money for me self I will use it for my self that's his punishment for abandoning me,my siblings and my mom when we are so young & my mom in her early thirties 20yrs ago, He want to hit my mum last yr well,he thinks that is wen we are still small that he normally beat my mum with wire & hot iron that's how devilish he can be ,he got the shock of his life, we lock him up in a room for 3 days no food no water no be person tell am make he return from where he is coming from, they no born am well to talk bad about me & my siblings @ our back cos he knows he will face my warth cos I don't mind cutting his tounge live that's how much I hate him & he knows I can do worse to him so he don't cross my way,I hate him with passion & if I can use him for ritual or if I see people that need human parts I will gladly sale him to them & happily watch them butchers him into pieces atlist let it be 1 thing he will be good for,
    Poster stop caring for a man that dont give a hook about you mind your business as he minds his, take him like a dead man & see how you get peace of mind & he will start looking for your face like my devilish, souless father

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster, why i feel and understand your pain, please forgive your father and let go of the hate in your heart! Don't let him turn you into a bitter person and a sinner, because you're committing sin by holding un-forgiveness and hatred in your heart. The best punishment you can give your dad is to show him love. Most of us in this country are from dysfunctional homes but we try to rise above it and become the best we can be in life by God's grace. And I'm sure if you look at were you are coming from, you will see that God has always come through for you. Please find it in your heart to forgive you dad, i beg you in the name of God.

      Delete
  31. That was how my grandfather behaved, he even denied my aunt(his daughter) when my aunt saw him in Cape Town. The man looked the other way. My aunt said daddy its me...her friends thought she was lying. Later that same day he came to her house as if nothing happened.He will use his money on alcohol oo. Long story short, he died of liver problem. No funeral cover, nothing...he finished all his money and was left with only 0.12cents on his name. So my grandmother paid everything payable for the funeral.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chai! Ayam not alone ooo. It is a very heavy cross to carry. Even after my father's death, the repercussions of his life are still reverberating... Poster, may the good Lord be with you...

      Delete
  32. For a sec I thought it was me typing this but the only difference is he did not move in with another woman and we have shown him that we can be successful without him. Now he regrets and complains

    ReplyDelete
  33. You guys should ignore him and movsnon with your life, are you afraid that if you are getting married your father will not come? My dear fear not, let the husband come first, you look for any good elder to represent your father. Don't let anyone scare you, tell your man few things and hang it there, do not tell him much you guys should stop looking for your father.

    ReplyDelete

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