STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
IN LOVE WITH A MAN FROM A HUMBLE BACKGROUND
Hi bvs. I met a guy of recent , he has been asking me out and wants a long term thing. I like him .He is working . But I don't know how I will present him to people cos he comes from a poor back ground. His dad is a security man, his mum is a cleaner in a primary school. His parents are separated and his dad went on to marry another woman.
I come from a comfortable family. Won't I be mocked if I present him as my fiance. His job doesnt pay so much like that (120k). And will I be able to cope with such a man? I know he has a lot of responsibilities, will he be able to take care of me when he is still struggling to feed his whole family. I am confused at the moment. Please I need your advice ....
*So what exactly is this man bringing to the table?You are asking us if he can take care of you when you know already that you will have to tighten your belt when you Marry this man...
Why are you even worrying?Did he propose?
Everything in life is a risk and even Marrying a man from a background like yours guarantees nothing......
This Aunty want to enter poverty with her koro koro eyes!...
ReplyDeleteHe will still take care of his parents and siblings with the 120k!,..
What of when the kids start coming in?...
Can you endure the inferiority complex from his family?...
Marry him if you like poverty!...
He should go and find his class!...
Shoe get size mehn!...
What I'm yet to understand is this "will he be able to take care of me" how? You are both adults. Your concern should be more about him being able to contribute his quota in taking care of the kids you both will bring into the world not about taking care of a grown ass woman. I've come to realise most Nigerian women have this mentality of a husband taking care of them. It's disgusting.
DeleteSo the 46 year old baba that picked you up at 19 to marry, did he marry his class?
DeletePlease what is wrong with a guy that earns 120k?
DeleteI need to know pls
Cos i see people earn 50k, 70k etc not to talk if after tax and pension deductions
😐😐😐😐😐
@Sherikoko
DeleteI did not know that there are some Naija girls that reason this well.
@Lily simple. Please help me ask her abi them..120k?? Some 're married and living comfortable with less. If he's earning 120k madam how much are h earning? Or 're you looking for him to take care of the bills alone ?
DeletePoster, i understand you perfectly, no one will understand except they are in your shoes, my parents are financially ok, thanks to God.my husband father is a cab driver and elderly, his step mom is not evn working. My father inlaw has younger children with this new wife. My husband is not even a graduate, i have Bsc, Msc, curently on my phd. I work and earn. Hubby job is not stable. Its not an easy road oooo, at all. Sometimes am not happy thou. Since we got married i have been avoiding my mum of going to visit my inkaws becaus of where they stay. D story is long. I would have loved if we both could chat so i can express myself well to you.
DeleteThank you at sherikoko. I didn't know someone else reasons the way I do. When getting into marriage n a question of finances arises, kids should be of utmost priority. Ur needs should be primary.
DeleteYou guys are jokers.
DeleteHow much is 120k? 10k in 12 places!!.
Babe says she is from a comfortable home. What will 120k do in this Buhari regime? Can they rent a comfortable apartment save for Ikorodu and the likes, buy a decent car, go on vacation once in 2 years with 120k, plus when kids enter, we haven't talked about expenses on the guys family.
Babe I expect you to support but please be careful. You people will continue to disagree cuz of your background and different mentality . You may want to spend money on something dude will see it as you being a spendthrift.
You people are making noise this poster knows what she wants, she is just asking us so she can make up her mind that’s is already wandering elsewhere.
Delete120k can either be too small, too big or managed. It all depends on the lifestyle of both parties and the type of upbringing they want to give their unborn kids.
It all depends on where you guys are located, and if it’s a stable job, if it’s a cheap town fine, we’ll even in towns like abj people still make it, how many siblings doesn’t he have to take care of? Nawa o, you will also have to be working, you dint tell us what you are doing? Abi na only him go dey work?
DeleteI beg don’t marry him. Forget the money. I married from a poor home and tho he’s ok his family is hellish. Petty, always looking for wahala. Do not do it pls!!!
DeleteYou did not say if the father has a football team or he has just 2 or 3 children.
ReplyDeleteAnyway do what is good for you. Humble background hahahahaha. When money comes humble will pick race.
Amma sit this one out.
ReplyDeleteStella is right, did he propose? Moreover his background is not pasted on his face except you start telling people about it. Does he have what you want for a husband?dont rush things with him, let him propose first. Also know that what really matters is that you find happiness with him. Money doesn't give all the happiness in marriage.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing is no man nowadays even depends solely on just salary. Most have a side-hustle.
DeleteYou also talk like this man won't grow or get promoted. He won't earn 120k forever you know. People have survived with such salary when you both put resources together.
But it's looks like you are ashamed of his background and don't know how to present him to your family. If that is the case just let the poor guy go then.
This story is similar to mine, i just try to cover up my husband to make it feel that they are comfortable
DeleteHe didn't propose but it is absolutely normal and even wise for one who is open to marriage to do a situation analysis before falling in love and it becomes too late to think right lol. I believe in dating with purpose. Why date who you can't marry? Women shouldn't be completely passive ie waiting for him to propose. Take proactive steps and do a background check plus situation analysis.
Deletefollow your mind love is all that matters, my opinion.
ReplyDeleteIf u know u won't complain in future, jump in, its ur cross.
ReplyDeleteMe, I no dey for struggle...
This life ehn, 120k is something to me,my dad earns less than 30k in a6 month and I have a sister in a State University,he has to feed his aged mum out of it and we are a family of 7,5children with my mom and dad we feed from the little provision store my mummy owns.
DeleteWe are still grateful to God I know we the kids will be will be grateful in future thats why he sent us to school with his little income
I know someone that earns 60k monthly that got married recently after saving for it. He went for his size. Aunty if his 120k earning is your problem then maybe you are not for him. He will meet his match. You find your match maybe 500k salary up.
ReplyDeleteIf not then be ready to grow with him. Most wealthy people today started with less.
I agree with you senorita. Don't mind her. Madam please leave him alone for those that won't be ashamed of him. Na wa
DeleteThe thing with such families is that they start beefing the wife when the money isn't coming again. I am talking from experience. 120k is small money in this economy so if u r comfortable with all these things you can go ahead instead find your size.
DeleteAnno pls if 120k is nothing, how much do u earn
DeletePoster u are looking for a guy that earns 500k, the one dat will even f**k another babe infront of u, u think a guy that earns well is still single?
I personally advice people to date/marry people with similar background to theirs. I'm not saying if your father is a billionaire you must marry a billionaire. But atleast someone from a very comfortable background. Even if his parents are just lecturers,civil servants etc. But they are atleast educated,can afford basic things and are doing okay. Education wise your family will also be a match. They can come today and relate well. They are atleast exposed.
DeleteBut to go from being well of and go into a family that they are cleaners and security guard. I don't just know.
I have a friend whose father is very rich and she wanted to marry a guy from a comfortable background mind you they met while both were schooling abroad. They were even planning marriage but the boys mother never liked her. Even though this girl is humble,born again and hardworking. The mum will be saying she heard girls from rich backgrounds dont stay in marriage. This is someone whose parents have been married 40yrs. So many issues till the girl just decided to call the relationship off.
This your own that the mother is a cleaner,father security guard. When they come to your house they will be talking of how you waste money and eat half a chicken in a seating. They will say you went to deliver abroad,you are wasteful,you sneeze they will say you are proud because you come from a rich background.
Even the sons mentality will be different from yours. He will say why must the kids go to expensive school when it's same ABC they teach in govt school.
No matter how you try and sugar coat it. Background affects your reasoning.
However some ladies have married down and have had good marriages and built an empire with the man
So it all depends on the man. The way some men even carry themselves and present themselves and are so hardworking the background they come from won't even matter. Afterall both of you can even meet as co-workers abroad and you won't even know his background.
Many moguls today didn't come from money. Education is always a key factor though.
But I personally can't tow this route except that man has uplifted himself before even meeting me.
@ lily simple so all comfortable guys are married? Na wa
DeleteBed and roses you are correct jawe.
DeleteYou are right
DeleteBed and roses you deserve some accolades.
DeleteAre you worried about his low account balance or his poor upbringing?
ReplyDeleteIf youre already ashamed of him, theres no need smelling what you cant eat, let him go!
Is his background stamped on his forehead? How'd u tell if he doesnt mention it?
Go & read comments from yesterday.
Its not about been ashamed, if u re not innher shoe u wont understand. I clearly understand her point.
DeletePoster, if you like him and he propose marriage why not take the offer? 120k salary is not that poor and you are working too to supplement it.
ReplyDeleteIf you ask me ...... Na who I go ask?
ReplyDeleteYesterday's chronicle and this right here gets me confused. Please, like how much is a young bachelor suppose to be earning before he considers marriage because I'm not understanding again. Is 100k per month too small or what? Or his background is the problem because some parents will say they can't give their child to a man whose parent are separated.
ReplyDelete100k is not too small, but you will agree with me that the money is not a lot. It can barely take care of the basics; get you a decent accommodation, modest clothing and feeding. Then when you add marrying a wife to it, it becomes something entirely different.
DeleteI earn 100k and it is barely enough- I am a lady without kids or any serious liability, how much more a man gunning for marriage.
Poster, you sound like a class freak, a person who is so desperate to measure up to societal standards and expectations. You did not highlight any of his good qualities, you haven't considered those yet.
since you're upper class, classy and I presume beautiful, why are you bothered about a poor boy that is asking you out? Are you giving it thoughts because your fellow upper class, rich kids are not asking you out? are you worried that if you say no, you may never have another serious guy ask you out and tease you with the idea of marriage?
I am surprised a guy out of your league asked you out and for want of rich boyfriends, you're actually considering it.
If you can't deal with poverty, then roll in the rich cycle and let the rich ask you out, unless of course you don't belong to the rich class either. Abeg make we hear word.
Broke girl looking for rich.mtscheeeeeeeeewwwww
#Iamnotinanicemoodtodayjare# #Suityourself#
100k is not small. Depends on the job, the age of the person and reponsibilities. Somebody earning 100k at 40yrs with mummy,daddy and siblings to take care of is different from somebody earning 100k at 25yrs.
DeleteBoth must have a job. And most likely the husband will be using his money to take care of family while wife will use her salary to take care of both husband and kids.
Just plan with your husband and do what works for both of you. Remember MARRIAGE takes money. Don't go in depending on money they will spray you, friends etc. Have a plan. People who will encourage you to step blindly in will not be there when you are crying in hunger.
Okwu umuazi (kids' talk). Dude hasn't proposed but in your mind you have started making marriage plans. We treated similar matter yesterday or didn't you read it? I have no time and strength to waste....
ReplyDeleteExactly. Goan read yesterday's post poster
DeleteIt is wise to do a situation analysis and background check while dating before proposal. Date with purpose. Be proactive. Why date who you can't marry? Is it better if she starts her questions and analysis 5 years later when he proposes and she has already given her heart and soul. Her questions are valid.
DeleteThis life is somehow sha. Poster, what exactly do you want us to say.
ReplyDeleteThis is the kind of chronicles we will be reading till next week. Mshewwwww.see questions.
ReplyDeleteStella ....you have said it all
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm...
Mc pinky
Hian! This one get as e be.
ReplyDeleteIt is well
ReplyDeletePoster the question you are asking is irrelevant. You are asking if he will be able to take care of you? How long have you met him? Has he ever bought anything for you since you met?
ReplyDeleteBoth of you, are you compatible - Mentally, emotionally and otherwise? Poster, are you working? Is your salary more than his own?
If you can't genuinely answer the above questions, then you are not ready for a relationship.
Background has nothing to do with how the society accept your relationship. Alot of us came from a very poor background but are doing well now.
U don't need bvs advice but a soothsayer... Smh for you😎
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of incomplete chronicle is this? Are you working ? Wat is your background? How will we answer without basic information about you?
ReplyDeleteIf you are a hairdresser in Osogbo, it’s ok to go ahead, but if you did your university in London and you and your family are used to summer holidays abroad then I suggest you take a deep breath and make yourself available for someone else.
#Oshe ma ma mi. Good advice.
DeletePahahahaha
DeleteI understand the mindset of this poster and all I would say is don't date him...You know he is not up to your taste in men already so what are you doing with him.
ReplyDeleteMind you from his 120k salary, you might only get 40k out of it after he has finished disbursing it to take care of his Families needs.
Not everyone has the mental capacity or patience to struggle with a poor man and from your write up it shows you can't...so my candid advice is don't go into the relationship when you know that you are not ready to live below the standard you are used to.
Don't go into a poverty marriage out of desperation,keep your hopes alive as someone worthy of your standard will come your way soon.
LEP😜
Poster oshhey baddest this one you are condemning the parents professions I hope yours are richer than bill Gates? He earns 120 and you are whinning? My husband earns 50k and that's what we have been managing. We eat and dress well and we stay in Abuja. Since his salary is small please look for TY Danjuma's son or Indimi.shotigbo!! Leave that humble young man to find his size omo big man. Least I forget I don't work so even my data money comes from the 50k!
ReplyDeleteIts not about who's richer or not, you are comfortable with what u have,u can manage it, nobody forced u...
DeleteVery good comment..let her wait for Yusuf Buhari.
DeleteSo because you’ve decided to settle, she should also manage too. Nawawo different strokes for difeerent folks abeg
DeleteWonderful!!! I raise beyonce hands for you oh 💪💪
DeleteThe poster get pride for body. But come girl how do you manage with 50k. house rent, school fees, feeding and others upon it you are not working
DeleteWow...50k! Las Las it's all about contentment
Delete50k?? In which currency pls??
DeleteIt's not just about the $120k and background. The fact that he will be feeding his entire family out of that amount. Do you know what will be left after he is done. Is that enough to add school fees, house maintenance, future projects etc.. you have to look beyond humble blah blah.. if the family responsibility is not there I would have said manage. Unfortunately all those people he is sacrificing and feeding now will not remember them tomorrow when trouble comes. Pele and prayers is all they will hear.
DeleteWith your 50k in Abuja are you happy?
DeleteAre you fulfilled?
Are you satisfied?
If you are, excellent!
Happiness is all that matters.
Someone right here says she wants more, she wants better, she doesn't want to be 'managing'. Maybe she grew up in circumstances where 50k was pocket money per week,we don't know. Maybe she's the type who spends 50k a day at the club on just drinks.
So you cannot expect her to be like you or accept what you have chosen for your life. Not everyone wants to be a martyr.
Men take their time to SELECT wives and girlfriends. Nigerian women are expected to jump once anything flashes a ring. Doesn't matter if he looks like a gremlin, breathes like a walrus and smells like old buttocks. Taketheringgaddamit!!!
Some women know exactly what they want and what they can bear.
Some can accept anything as long as a ring is involved.
Different strokes.
Let's not mock people for their own personal standards. No matter how 'outlandish' they may sound your ears.
Not everyone will choose to settle for less.
Different strokes.
If men don't lower their values or standards for women, please educate me on why a women should do the same for men?
See the derisive way you said she should wait for TY Danjuma's son. Lmaooooo.
I'm interested in the farm you spoke about earlier ma'am. Always wanted to own a farm as a single lady. Is it yours?
Tufiakwa...i rather be single...madam u better start to dey sell okrika and no kill dat ur husband abeg...stop bragging upon poverty....povery is bad abeg
DeleteAmazing! 50k can barely buy cerelac, formular and diapers n baby things for a month 😳
DeleteAdele love everybody has what they are used to and how they were brought up. That 50k is okay for you and your family doesn't mean it's okay for someone else. that 50k is even what i spend during the weekend for family lunch after church,doing kids hair, shopping for the week And fueling the car for the week(that alone is 10k).
DeleteAnd why are you not working if I may ask. Pls start helping that brother out in any little way you can.
I am happy satisfied? No but what do you do? When we married he had a mouth watering job but when buhari regime shut down thee agency nko? I know what we went through before he got this one we are managing. I was working in a school but was asked to resign when I got pregnant. Should life end? Marriage is for better for worse at least they still say that in my church. I didn't settle for less as some are shouting above. I only told the poster to leave the young man alone. Oxygen it's 50k in Nigerian currency. I married with my masters and my parents are educated his are not. Does it matter to me? No, my daughter is in a school our 50k can afford. If we both see better lives we would not hesitate to embrace it. But for now na wetin we see we dey use. Annonymous asking the farm belongs to us at least we dey use am hold body. Please I didn't say the poster should settle for less ohhh make she wait for rich man but as for me it's the lemons thrown at me I'm making my lemonade from! Thanks.
DeleteSo all of you are now shouting 50k is small,then who are those people fighting for 5k giveaway,one paint of crayfish, free data and shoki? Make una dey deceive una sef,some of you here earn less than that o.
DeleteFuck you God forbid I kill my husband as you have killed yours. I don't even have time to type anything for you cos it's obvious your life is fucked up. Let me continue bragging in my poverty Shebi na my own?
DeleteMadam Adele, you married a well to do man but life happened,we don't expect you to leave. The fact that you are not okay now doesn't mean you should advice someone to settle for less. Poster i beg you, don't settle. If you marry rich in future and your husband later goes poor, well that is life. I won't advice even my worst enemy to say hi(over friendly type of hi) to some one like that.
DeleteOne thing about Nigerians or maybe poor people is that bevause they are suffering they will want you to join and then be like "even me , i am going through this. Why can't you? You are not humble (how they love humility *eyes rolling*, you are too proud, you will reach menopause,etc." My dear don't mind them,go for who you will be comfortable with. Money makes the world go round. I am so tired,if not i have more to say. I don't usually type long comments but this lady's comment got me upset.
God bless you Adele
DeleteAnnonymous 20:29 you see your life for outside? Where did I ask her to settle for less? Na my comment upset you Ehya better look for the object that made you upset. Please next time you have difficulty reading, use a dictionary to help you comprehend. Poster don't join my poverty league ohhh we are overpopulated already.try and make it to indimi's wedding you will be glad you did.
DeleteI love your spirit Adele.
DeleteYour situation is different though. Your husband currently earns 50K but has an earning potential far higher than that. (due to his previous mouth watering job). He probably has the right degrees, skills and work experience to get something better. That's why you aint bothered cos he is likely to get anoda job that pays soon. Like me i currently earn lower than my potential cos i work part time.
DeletePoster's guy earns 50k. Earning potential still 50k. (as of now)
So his salary is your problem. What happened to being his help meet. You don't even know what you want. Money isn't everything, peace of mind is!
ReplyDeleteGurls of this generation don't care about being help meet but how to always get meet from the dude.
DeleteYeah, too bad. But I don't blame Nig women because truth is Nig women have more to lose in marriage than men.
Delete1. One, if anything happens to the marriage, the constitution does not protect women at all. No child support, no spousal support laws. And there are hardly custody battles, the women usually get the full burden of the children cos men don't want the kids.
2. In Nig, is legal to fire a woman who becomes pregnant. (read Adele's post, she was fired for being preggy). In most countries, it is illegal. You dont try it. So cos of marriage you lose job, why not marry someone who is capable? (*wisdom)
3. Some places wouldn't hire if you are preggy. Again, this should be illegal unless one of the job requirements is physical strenght.
4. Most Nig women have to move with their hubby to wherever hubby lives after marriage. I have a cousin who studied engineering with very good grades but marriage took her to somewhere in Anambra where nothing engineering happens. She has never used her degree, fully dependent on hubby.
5. If it comes to anything, woman is expected to sacrifice her dreams of abroad masters or that job in another city for oga. I know people who lagos who forsook their jobs to care for their kids cos cost of daycare a month was higher than their salary. Why earn 35k and pay daycare 45k.. why not stay home. So All those financial sacrifices are only better if he earns enough to cover the family.
So, its perfectly wise to have financial considerations and concerns if you are a nigerian woman living in nigeria, marrying a nigerian man.
Everyone comes here to say my guy is not earning much because they know they will get answers that will empower them to leave their men.I pray you don't meet a scammer
ReplyDeletewhat advice do you need hear. you are asking if a broke man on 120,000 naira can take care of yourself, your kids (when they come), and his family who are not financially capable. except he has told you of his tricks and you can guarantee he is a magician, i do not see the possibility.
ReplyDeletereceive sense and leave such silly relationship or whatever you two call what you are having.
Let me break down 120k a month for you
ReplyDeleteYou can decide if you can adapt to this lifestyle( I am assuming you are not earning)
1. Feeding for hubby and Wifey per month - 40k
2. Nepa Bills- 4k
3. Gotv- 2.5k
4. Rent ( Assuming annual rent is 250k) = 21k
5. Fuel for gen and one car = 30k
6. Toiletries - 10k
7. Change for other expenses - 12,500.
You can see its gonna be a tight fit.
You will have to augment his income with yours, especially when kids start coming
120k is not too poor, depending on the standard of living you people agree on
Some families are very ok with that as their total income
If you cant live within his salary level, find your level.
Well said Slay queen.
DeleteWhat about hospital bill...sending money to mama n papa, buying of clothes making hair....Nna mehn anything can happen depending on dat kind of money
DeleteYou forgot he has a family that depends on him! There goes half of the money for their upkeep. I'm sure they won't be able to afford that car or fuel.
DeleteThis is good Slay Queen but they will not do all of this naked na?
DeleteThey will still wear cloth and hopefully underwear abi?
Bata for leg nko?
Ehen that means no asoebi or gifts o.
Operation stay at home or wear what you have.
Tithe and offering in church nko? Ok,maybe they are Muslims or Ekankar.
Hopefully they will live in a place they don't have to pay for security, sweeper, etc.
This your budget it is like Atu & Poyoyo will barb gorimakpa. Nothing for their hair?? No makeup to slaaaaaaaaay??? No handbags for the lady? No accessories?
No unnecessary visitors o, so as to save money on refreshments.
So that car, they will not buy oil? Pump tire etc?
The money for lightbulb, kerosene gas, or firewood,insecticide where does it go under? Loose change?
I think there is always a way sha, creative thinking. Just that inside this money, he will still send to his mum and dad and siblings. But if someone here can live on 50k inclusive of school fees for kids in Abuja of all places, I don't see why this poster cannot find a way. There's all ways a way peeps.
Aunty, I hope you don't intend to be a fulltime goromido house wife. Go out and get a job to complement your husband.
@ anonymous ,I laughed so hard while reading your comment. 120k is a huge some of money for some while it's not for some. If the guy still supports his family, to save may be difficult but if they dont depend fully on him,your salary + his will ,will take you guys some where. My sis,don't mind ple saying,ehn wait for dangote's son,indimi's son.who does not want a good life? Who wants to suffer till the end of time? Just that some ple are more fortunate than some.. Life can be unfair to some.I don't earn up to 120k but I always pray to get better+my future hubby to be a better person.if you can cope,go ahead ,if you can't, abeg no try am.my sis,na your life. Same ple talking now,will be the same to talk again if you send in another chronicle. Follow your heart diligently.
DeleteIt is not what he is earning but the general picture. Does this Aunty work? Can she build with him? Is his family sensible? If he is the primary provider then she will join him in providing for them and when kids come in, she would have to carry on a lot of the load by herself. If his help to his people should lessen, will they attack her?
ReplyDeleteIt is important for women to think through these things and know what they can do. There is nothing wrong with building with a man but build with the right man. If he is comfortable at this point and she is is not then they are not compatible.
Most rich men today came from humble background. The guy is earning N120k which to me means he is a graduate. What happens to starting small and growing together. When has coming from a humble background become a crime in Nigeria. Boys are taking over from all angles. please ask questions around you, Sons and daughters of men and women who were seen to be poor 20 years ago are now the rich hot guys in town. You that is worried about his background, Apart from being a rich man's daughter, who are you?. What do you intend to bring into this union called marriage. If you don't need this guy, kindly send his picture and phone number to Stella so that real ladies who need him will go for him and save him the trouble of looking for another woman. ****Smiles and walks away***8
ReplyDeleteDouble like for your comment dear
Delete👏👏👏👏👏👏
DeleteKisses to you 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
Deletehow many jobs in Nigeria pays up to 100k. I just smh. MONEY!!!
ReplyDeleteI taya o
DeleteSo all these girls in this blog who una go finally marry; yahoo yahoo, 419, Amu robbers, Poli-trical robbers, sugar mummy service men,
Hard drug peddlers . ..?
If na like this una dey take do, husbands go hard o!
Please help me tell them ooooo.Every lady wants a financially independent man;which is a good thing. Really, have we ever thought about the character, his countenance towards you with all his money?
DeleteDoes he respect you? Is he a man of great value? Is he hardworking? The list is endless...
You are from a "comfortable background?"
ReplyDeleteWhy doesn't your comfortable background provide comfort for all involved?
Case closed.
Finally you fit marry a 'comfortable" python that go swallow and digest you
So... yesterday's poster was very okay with the family and everything else, but uncomfortable with how much the guy earns. Yours, you dont like the family status, or the guys income and the level of dependence on him.
ReplyDeleteMy issue isnt even his salary, cos
I mean hard work pays. My issue is the many mouths the small salary is feeding. But let me ask you: what is 'long term thing?'. Dating, marriage or what? Does the guy want a steady babe for easy nacks cos his salary cant afford numerous babes?? Or does he want long term so he can shed of all that responsibility before he walks you down the isle? If the later is the case, then thats actually the right thing to do. Cos its either he sorts responsibilities out to a point that it wont put a strain on your income; Or he builds his income to a level where he can cater to both sides of the family without depriving either. Ideally, he should deal with pending issues in his extended family first, before thinking of marriage. Its all about wisdom and timing.
I dont think he has promised you anything yet, so dont 'overthink' and rush to a conclusion. Date him if you like him, but trust me if its money youre looking for you wont see it (for now, until he builds). And if you are not financially sufficient too, you will have issues down the line that will be centered around finances.
And she should be ready to support the home for the next 10years. If is money is not tied in family issues, probably going towards building a house
DeleteWith 120k, he can afford 5 girlfriends.
DeleteIt's 'Aisle' not 'isle'. ITK
Lol. ISLE ISLE ISLE ISLE ISLE ISLE ISLE.
DeleteDIE!! 😋😋😋😋😋😋😋
please be wise cos most of this broke guys are not loyal, when they become something in life be are usually very ungrateful,dont suffer with any man costume it's not worth it at the end of the day and at the same time not all of them are this way. Just seek the face of God in prayers.
ReplyDeleteHow many siblings does he have? You should ask him how he will support his family. Are his siblings working? Are they in school? Are they brilliant 2nd class upper/ 1st class material? Are they studying high income academic backgrounds like Medicine, Engineering, etc? Can he have a side hustle? Ask him if he plans to have a side hustle. Is his profession something that will bring more money if he goes for masters or professional qualifications? Can he set his parents up with a side hustle like a fishery or poultry? Is any parent diabetic or hypertensive? You will need at least 25k per month for drugs alone If you have both. Take note of these things. If his siblings are not in school, can they learn handwork? Does he have sisters that are married? Are their husbands well off? Will he be responsible for his nieces and nephews later on? Who will cover rent, feeding and school fees of the children?
ReplyDeleteMy advice to you: don't form super woman. Live a life and standard that corresponds with his salary. If a man earns 120k per month, your rent should not be more than 250k. If you want to live in a 500k house you should not continue this relationship.
one pepper soup goat meat for you and chilled red wine
DeleteSis don’t mind all these broke people littering the comment section telling to that 120k is okay. Chai! No wonder they were angry and having seizures over that mumu yori yori’s basic pay of 250k. Is it a public school in ojuelagba your kids will attend? All those fools telling you that most rich men started off with less pay are lying to you. Is it in this harsh economy that a billionaire will rise up from 120k. Abeg open eye wellah.
ReplyDeleteSee just continue dating him Jejely. At the same time be looking for someone that is not broke with even broker liabilities. Don’t let anyone deceive you to marry a broke man with liabilities. I’m begging you oh. By the time you are 40 you will look 55. A word is enough for the wise. Don’t marry a man who is lesser than you on the financial scale oh!!!!
My sister said she married her husband with a salary of 50k. Today if you see how comfortable they are. You will bow . If you are marrying a man bc of his pocket my sister you are on a long thing.
ReplyDeletePoster, you cannot withstand financial constraint so allow the poor guy as you stated to marry from his class.
ReplyDeletePoster since you are coming from buhari family, i will advise you go for your class and leave this poor guy. Am sure nothing in life will make you happy if the guy is not in money, leave him for his poor class.
ReplyDeleteI dont comment often but I am interested in your case. Many things are missing here, you would have helped yourself better by giving a more detailed information. Remember, half education is worse than illiteracy because you will think you know when you need help.
ReplyDeleteif you are rich as you want us to believe, his N120,000 is not a problem at all. All you need is a good family fiancial plan that can be suitable for your home. I think the problem many ladies are having is the mentality that your man MUST be the one to do everything for the family.
Also, there is nothing that says he cannot do other things like a side business to pay the bills, small investments, etc if you are from a rich home, get huge sum from your parents and invest it in a good investment like bonds that can be yielding big every 3 months, with that many things are covered.
If you are not wasteful and you have a good plan for your life, his salary and yours can still sustain a small family, so learn to be frugal in spending.
Finally, I got married 7 years ago while earning N100,000 and my wife was earning N60,000. When I met her, I was earning N60,000 and she was earning N40,000 9 years ago. Today, I earn N500,000 and she earns N170,000. we live in our house, we have other properties ( land) in other places, we have strong savings and we can afford to travel ( not frivolous travels though) to few countries.
A poor or small beginning is not really an issue, it is the VISION of the man that matters. Does he aspire for great things, is he interested in training, education, does he have great plans, do you love him genuinely, can you submit to him (respect), does he love you, etc? These are the real issues. His present, past, parents, etc are no issues.
You are the issue!
@anonymous, we are living in different times. The probability of changing from 60k to 500k in a span of 7years in today's economy is not exactly the same now. In the nineties and early two thousands, there was employment for at least 80% of graduates and chances for growth. People without masters got good jobs, while people with masters had juicy jobs. In 2018, I;m sure only 30% of graduates are employed, with little to no chances of growth in their jobs. As in, people with UK masters are in Lagos unemployed. And advice/story that happened in 2005 may not happen now.
DeleteBut to me, as long as parents are nice/kind, that's not a problem. The only ish is that they will likely be dependents on the man too. If not now, soon.
poster, society has come of age where being absolute liability is a mortal sin. if u dont have liability mentality or total dependency syndromes, u will not come up with this lazy question. now my advice for u is get something doing to support urself if not the family. in that case, ur fear will be eliminated. if u cannot do that, pls continue with ur search and let those that take the chance come on board. wish u luck.
ReplyDeletePoster.....please find something doing and don't rush into marriage. You two can then start saving towards the kind of life you want after wedding....
ReplyDeleteWhy do I feel this lady will remind this guy of his history if they eventually get married???
ReplyDeleteThis is an incomplete chronicle.
ReplyDeleteMy father in law was a driver, and my mother in law didn't have the opportunity to go to school, they trained seven graduates doing wonderfully well, for themselves.
My husband is the last child with an international Masters degree, when we got married last year, he was earning 150k, and right now, we have moved to Canada.
My parents in law are the best, no bugging, and everyone does what we can.
Few questions for you?
Do you work?
If you are shy of his background, please don't date him?
Please look for someone in your social class to date?
Many people on this blog don't have educated parents, but have rewritten their history!
@anonymous, we are living in different times. Though your story is great, it is dated. Your father in law trained seven graduates at a time when Nigeria had good/cheap schools. Am sure they all went to public schools and it was all good. Now which public school offers good edu in Nig?? None. I went to public school but they're all a mess now. To train 7 kids now will require a LOT more. Private schools are costly. Any advice/story that happened like 10yrs back may not be applicable in 2018. Even the canada you guys managed to migrate to, is getting more difficult by the day. Not even like Nig is based on merit, its based on deep nepotism.
DeleteBut to me, as long as parents are nice/kind, that's not a problem. The only ish is that they will likely be dependents on the man too. If not now, soon.
My problems about some of these nigerian girls of today are?
ReplyDeletethey dont know the true meaning of love and marriage,,
she want a man in marriage and not love a man in marriage,,
two diferents words,,,i love him,,,,,,,i want him....70percents of marriage
today are based on want and not love,,,
i love to marry the man and build a home with him,,
and i want to marry the man becos he has all i wanted in a man,,,she forget
that want is like a stomuch,always hungry for new things,,
a happy married woman are those that married for love and for what she can give in marriage,,,,while unhappy married woman are those that married a man
for what she want to get from the marriage,,,no one is perfect,even you that
wanted a perfect man,,are you perfect?so do you want him or do you love him?
All these questions you're asking...it shows you don't have a mind of your own. How old are you sef? No one can totally know the answers to these questions. What exactly do you want?
ReplyDeleteYou don't have concerns about the guy's character, spending habits, generosity, honesty, hard work etc it's only how much he earns??? Pls don't consider dating the guy if you know you like money. Coz like some BV's have said, you will likely need to show patience and understanding while you both build and from these your questions you don't sound like someone who can.
On another note, what are you bringing to the table or you're expecting that the man will take care of everything while you lay back and do nothing? It doesn't work that way sister except you are marrying a wealthy dude.
If you are ready to be a mature adult, be bold and date him and see where it goes but if you aren't then end it. Most importantly, ask God to lead and guide you. Begin to develop your spiritual discernment so you'd know how to navigate certain issues in life.
120k is not that bad na. some guys even receive less than that amount. this is Nigeria o. At my former place of work, some of d workers were paid 35k. Some are married o. with kids sef. one even got married recently. Although some of them have other side businesses but some don't even have at all and I wonder how they survive with such amount of money. Every mallam to him kettle jare. poster I think you are really concerned about His background because I have been in your shoes before. I'll advise you to follow your heart. if you think you are not really comfortable with his background or probably he is not your type, pls think twice. Life is too short to be unhappy. don't date or marry anyone out of pity when there are so many fishes in the river biko.
ReplyDeleteI thought we now have equal rights shy should your husband's salary be your challenge. I don't understand this kind of selective feminism ooo.
ReplyDeleteWomen!!!