STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ANXIOUS ABOUT MARRYING A BROKE MAN
Hi Stella, thanks for your constant inspiration since i got introduced to this platform. However I have an issue bothering me and i thought to seek your godly guidance and that of your BVs. I don't know if this qualifies as a chronicle.
I recently met the man of my dreams the one i have constantly asked God for 5yrs now. He checks most of the boxes even the boxes of his family, however i am very anxious about marrying him as i earn 2.5times more than he does.
I grew up been comfortable with my pops picking up most of the bills, i dare say i don't know how to be in lack(except when I'm saving up for a project or a seed). I know marriages can be tough and to add financial issues would be even tougher. He is pushing for a wedding this year and truly if all was well financially i would jump @ it.
But thoughts keep coming up in my head, marriage should be an upgrade, i don't want to suffer, could he be so nice because of my money? He doesn't even have an apartment and he is in his early 30s. I wonder if this is truly the answer to my prayers but in my heart i know i don't want to meet anyone else. Lest i forget he shows a good sense of responsibility.
What do i do? I already feel like i undermine him sometimes, how do i handle this, please help Stella an BV's.
*You are confused BUT THE FINAL DECISION LIES WITH YOU and not what we say....I have a friend that married a man like this 17 years ago and the last time i spoke with her,they are still together....She used all the money she got from her sugar daddies to set up a business for him and he did so well in the business that he became very rich....
It might also work out like this for you or turn South....Everything in life is a risk!
If you both are really in love and wanna give it a go then give it a go...
You are the only one who would know if he was genuine or not...LOOK WELL,unless you just wanna marry for marrying sake oh!
All the best.
How can he be pushing for a wedding when he does not even have an apartment to start up with. Mbok think it deeply.
ReplyDeleteDon’t mind her, she even said he’s responsible...How can a responsible man want to marry a woman when he doesn’t not have an apartment?
DeleteI would advise her to wait. No need for marriage yet, he is not ready. If pregnancy enter she will carry so much of the financial burden and the strain of that alone will make her a frustrated person. She is used to seeing a man pick up bills, she is used to living a comfortable life. There is a limit of the suffer this kind of girl can endure. She sounds like me when I was single.
I was in love it when he couldn’t pay for basic stuff that to me were sooooo normal the love strayed during a natural death. It’s such a pity, if she is patient she will find a guy that is really ready, times are harsh don’t add more suffer to it.
😘😘😘😘
DeleteShe wud rent one for them and may be even pay her bride price. A man dat swallows a whole coconut is definitely sure of his anus#african proverb. Gudluck!
DeleteLmaoooo
DeleteYour mindset is the wrong foundation to build a marriage on!
DeleteIf you are worried / unsure because of financial reasons, or because you’re not sure if he is nice because if your money then it’s not the right time to think about marriage.
It’s either love or finance means more to you but you’re not sure if his love is because of your financial status. You know more about his situation and yours so you need to be true to yourself .
Sort out your doubt, go with your heart but start as you mean to carry on. Don’t go and marry now and in future you start complaining about his inability to provide for you and the children.
So its really a decision you need to make and we all wish you the best of luck.
Poster shine ya eye well well
Deletebefore you know it he would start talking of big big projects he wants to embark on
Of course na you go fund am
Please if you know you cannot live within his means, let him go
Can you comfortably pay rent, furnish the house, fund most of your wedding bills?
Can you do all these without despising him?
Potential is not reality my dear
Love is fleeting, it pales in the face of hardship and scorn
Look well before leap nne m
Please let him get an apartment, furnish it before you consider marrying him
Or better still, look for someone in your class abeg.
dear poster listen to me.....
Deletei understand your struggle. the best thing to do is to end whatever plans he has in the best way you think possible. marriage when people of different social class marry is always a problem, there will always be that supremacy battle of who is head, and who should comply with this and that..
you might understand him and try to manage the whole situation, but will his family understand, will yours understand? your father might give you a house after the wedding and all the gifts that come with marriage depending on your tradition and his generosity. again, that in itself might also cause another battle of inferiority complex from the other family except they are very calm or DEAD! but more likely than not they will feel some type of way and your own family too, knowing all they know, even if you might not tell them, they will also not hold your husband with such high regard, him knowing this, will always have to answer to them so long as he cannot stand on his feet by himself without financial assistance.
also, between you two, when it comes to making decisions in the marriage, you will have the upper hand most times esp. when it comes to decisions that involve financial needs, again! he will feel some type of way, its either he expresses it or keep mute while dying inside that he isn't man enough to provide for his family. decisions like where to give birth, school children go to, travel plans etc would be an issue for him..
Also, be prepared to continue to finance whatever lifestyle he puts up as a front to match your status. are you ready for all this?
love alone isn't enough. leave before it gets deeper.
@Anon 16;58 Your head dey there!!....poster if you have eyes plus brain ,make use of them ...
DeleteIm just wondering if there's a broke smart guy who is not every woman's dream man.
DeleteI don’t think u r mature. It can go both ways. I married a vibrant guy with a good job. He was a dream guy. My dear he couldn’t invest well and was spending anyhow. That is how we r now broke. Follow ur mind and just support this guy fully. Pray he is a serious type and it will work out. Good luck
DeleteTeetee this your proverb na helele!!! I laff like a hyena here.
DeleteHow can a man who is not financially capable be pushing for marriage???
Is that the first priority??
Who is going to foot the bills?
Who is going to pay for the new home?
Who is going to pay for utilities, fuel, feeding, medical expenses, emergencies, leisure,school fees,clothing etc. See baby food on IHN 7k, unless it's pap and garri water you want to feed your babies.
See ehn a POOR SINGLE man is ALWAYS very loving when he is dating a richer babe. ALWAYS. He knows what's at stake na. Who be mumu??
A POOR MARRIED man is the most aggressive, violent, malicious, malevolent, gremlin you can come across. If you say 'pim' he will say it is because you have more money than him. If you breathe loudly in another room, he will say it is because your job is shakin' you and you don't respect him as your head that is why you are breathing like that. You are dealing with a Nigerian man with the average ego of the mouse who always likes to claim headship and lordship and down master/subject relationship in order to pump up his ego.
For peace to reign as a submissive wife, you will transfer all your money to him so that he will be happy and stop attacking you. Oga will use your money and be flenging young babes upandan stretching tounge like serpent everywhere spoiling your name behind your back.
This man that is looking like ROMEO before you ehn, the way he will change it for you ehn, walahi it will be like nkan be. Africa Magic.
A truly RESPONSIBLE man will NOT push for marriage when he knows he does NOT have what to sustain the marriage. Abi are you depending on wedding money they will spray you? So that if the money is not enough or 13k is missing you will bring out gun and shoot the person who collected for you?
Na mouth you wan chop?
After you u fuck finish, do you want to also use eba nylon and rubber band like that bv?
Is it love that will pay the bills?
Are you a baby??
You need to sit down and plan your future with him with clear concrete steps otherwise after one month you will start drying up like those ginger and tumeric aboki used to sell in wheelbarrow.
This is 2018. Nobody should use marriage to do kalu kalu.
I wish you well.
Poster go and marry after the wedding give it seven days character go change like chameleon the loving dream man you married is gone ,better sit down there if u
Deletereally want to marry have patience at least let him have an apartment to build a family in , let him get a job ,before you marry and start reproduceing everywhere like you have space to keep the babies make chose your choice wisely.
Anon18.27 I wish I can hug you for this comment. This was exactly my so called marriage!! In the end he robbed me!! But I thank God for my beautiful kids . Poster run this is a time bomb ooo.
DeleteAnon 18:27. It shall be well with you. Thank you for speaking the truth. This your comment will save at least one girl from making a costly mistake. E-hugs to you. Some of us were not so lucky and fell for broke "nice" men. Poster, a word is enough for the wise. We don't all have to make the same mistake. May GOD give you wisdom. Amen.
DeleteAnon 18:27! I just want to tell you I love you!!!! Can I be your friend? You hit the nail right on the head. I just love the way you said it like it is. Anon, please listen to these peeps o and best of luck ...... Just Saying
DeleteAnon 18:27. Loud it, U are savage though. I Had a good laugh.
DeleteIt's all about money!
ReplyDeleteStfu oga dry cleaner
DeleteIf it's not about money, what will it be about before?
Saliva?
Okpo!!
Imagine, the guy is pushing for marriage because of her family money and she is stalling because he doesn’t have enough money 💰. The thing wey money go cause for this union aha!!!!
DeleteExactly @ poster, calm down and think remove the money you have from your relationship...will you still marry him? Love is not enough in a marriage, ask him to get an apartment first...then see what his response is like. Forget all his sweet talk oh! You might be the 'Financial Saviour' he has been looking for!
DeleteKa Chineke Mè zi Okwu!
You earn 250k, he earns 100k. What else did I read???
DeleteHow come he knows how much you earn???
DeleteTell him you've found a house and he should bring the rent so you can start to put things in place before marriage. Watch his reaction and then use your tongue to count your teeth.
If he’s smart he will borrow that money.
DeleteUnless the woman has extraordinary money like Oprah or someone in Hollywood, no woman should ever marry a man she has more liquid cash than.
You want to marry a man that has no apartment? Ijikwa nya gi?? God forbid!
ReplyDeleteHe has prospects and ambition.... stop looking at the glass half empty, thats how u ppl throw away a goodman, he hasnt had a reason to rent an apartment probably.
DeleteABIA! Everybody has prospects and ambition even a 70 year old. He wants to get married and he doesn't have where he keeps his head. Okotorigba
DeleteI thought we concluded on this blog that broke men shouldn't have any business with erection?
prospects ko, brochure ni
DeleteAnon 16:19 That was the advise we gave your brother, his prick should be for just pissing.
Delete15:36 Syllabus cos, course module ni.
Delete200 million Nigerians have prospects and ambitions.
Why are 200 million Nigerians not successful?
Imagine me going to a travel agency, requesting for a ticket to the Paris, when I don't even have money to travel to Sagamu. Is it my ambition that will get me to Paris?
Does that make sense to you?
Did you say 30something year old man hasn't had a reason to rent his own apartment??? Not even a self contained??
I think it is same okada you use come with this woman's man and na him lap you sef.
People: Marriage costs MONEY!!!!!
You will spend MONEY.
Even to fuck you will spend MONEY, either on postinor or condom or any other contraceptive or treating STI or STD.
Don't enter marriage and say 'God will do it'.
God does not like fools.
Go and ask your pastors, the ones with sense. The number 2 devider of marriages after sex is MONEY.
Only a FOOL enters examination hall,scratches buttocks, sits down and starts asking, ehn what is this exam about? What is the name of the course? Is it for the school?
Do all due diligence NOW. The bed you will lie on when you are married, is the one you prepared when you were single.
Stella is right but there are things that can help you decide. What is it exactly that he wants to do. Does he have dseire to grow but no opportunity. See you can provide opportunity but you can't provide desire or ambition. That's what you need to look for. Is he ambitious and hardworking. If he is then see how you can provide the means
ReplyDeleteLol @ Stella's reply... poster, so he doesn't have an apartment of his own or he doesn't have a house of his own? I don't understand. does it mean he is still squatting with someone or living with his parents? me I won't advise anyone to marry a broke ass nigger sha cos it can be so frustrating at times especially if you are not used to poverty. the choice is yours anyway
ReplyDeleteSooo. They can rent an apartment while planning for their wedding.many people have done this. Some people even met their husband living in their father's house and when they were getting married the guy moved out to rent his own place.
DeleteIt's not a crime. Many people believe money brings security. All that glitters isn't gold. Money might meet your needs but wouldn't be your source of joy in marriage
With whose money will they rent the apartment? Am sure hers, because from what she's stated his money won't be enough to rent an apartment in her kind of area.
DeleteThe kind of area that befits her lifestyle and upbringing.
There is a class difference here, let's not pretend we don't see it.
The same almost happened to me and I picked race when he opened his mouth to tell me we will live on 50k per month,no shade and disrespect to those who do such, but I just couldn't cope.
I was over pampered by my dad, the man spoilt me ehn, bought me a car, sends me over 150k monthly and sends me designers wears every seasons. Not to mention my mum, i collect from all sides though i work.Even my big brothers were not exempted.
Just as he was pestering her for marriage, he was also frustrating me and he didn't even have an apartment of his own, smallest generator he didn't have.
The day I visited where he stayed and sat down my skin was covered in hives.
He goes to his neighbours house to charge.
I took my time, rethink my life put a few dots together and realised that he was after the rich girl image for he would always ask just after one month of dating "have you told your father about me", he felt my family would elevate him and better his life when and if he married their daughter.
Open your eyes poster, gold diggers plenty now ooo, I escaped four before I settled down with someone within my level of financial capability.
Now, i know there are good men who are broke but they are rare. Men are now ready to be the bride, have you watched the recent skit by tobi bakre of big brother?, that skit is real.
How about you pretend to lose your job, act like you have sold your car, make the financial aspect of yourself and that of your family if possible, non-existent and let's see if your babe won't disappear into thin air.
Gbam!!! 17:12.
DeletePretend to loose your job if you are not in the same city and see how he behaves.
I swear to you this guy will ghost you in a month.
Anon 17:12, that nigga sounds like my ex. Initials OO? You did well to take a walk.
DeleteExactly, take two weeks leave from work and tell him you’ve been laid off... cry and act desperate and see if guy man will hang around for long....
DeleteHmmm, on a second thought, he might oh.. cos your family get money. He will tell they’ll sort you out and he will form over caring during that period sef..
But if you can be convinc NG enough and be good at reading human cues, you might see something that will help you decide
Everything is a risk sha...
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't have an apartment = where will u live? With his parents?
Anyway, be rest assured u gonna be d breadwinner, and don't complain when u do it....so far u open eye enter this marriage...
Sometimes women should make their parents proud...
Men too, should know themselves, u know ground no level n u wan marry, mbok wait small...pls.
she no tell us her age sha.
Deleteshe must have showed interest in marriage b4 guy man de push ahead.. she shld be smart sha so he dsnt show his real self after she makes him somebody
Poster let me tell you something. You think you are fine with it being the breadwinner now abi. As time goes by, the whole situation will start irritating you. There is nothing sexy more than a man who provides for his family.
Deletehe doesnt hv an apartment and he is pushing for marriage...faints..someone please wake me up!!! Nne keep running and dont look back. This one na confirmed gold digger.
ReplyDeleteno be like that na, my brother engaged his girl while living with mum n dad, there was no reason to live alone n waste his small salary on bills, but b4 the wedding they got a place.
DeleteGot a place with whose money?
DeleteSometimes, it isn't about wasting the small salary you have but about being independent as an adult.
Deletefaints with you*
DeleteThank you @DRE... An adult ought to learn to be independent which includes living by himself,paying his bills and taking care of issues...even before contempleting marriage. This is why we have so many children in marriages today,and this has NOTHING to do with their ages, they just never grew into adulthood-taking up responsibilities.... Dear Poster are you above 45years and desperately need to marry? if yes,then go ahead to pay the rent, foot your wedding bills and remember to continue doing same in the years ahead and yes! without complaining, for your OGA is still very much the HEAD of that home.Nothing is taking that away.
Delete15:42 was your brother 34 years old.
Deletewell baby girl, he's not rich today doesn't mean he won't tomorrow. Before you say yes to the marriage proposal ensure you pray about it genuinely. N/B love is not enough in marriage. You guys can still plan the wedding next year, what u need is proper planning.
ReplyDeleteStella dimokokokus this ur advise ehn!i raise Beyonce hand for u.
ReplyDeleteSay no to BROKE MEN. Dont do it because you will still carry the load. I wont advice you enter before you come cry again
ReplyDeleteHow come you didn't take your own advice??? Kwakwakwakwa
DeleteLove is beautiful until bills start coming in.
ReplyDeleteSeeing as you've never been in lack, I'm here wondering how you'd cope..
You haven't entered and you're already scared. What would become of you if, perhaps, you face a greater challenge in the marriage.
Can you handle it?
They say "some marriages bring good luck."
It's up to you baby girl.
Cheers!
Seek God's face and He will direct your path my dear. Go into fasting and prayer and He will show you everything about him, then you will know if he is real or just coming because of your money. Everything with God is perfect, give it a trial.
ReplyDeleteLol. As in.... I'm wondering what she expects a blog full of Nigerians to say. NO ONE can help you take a decision on marriage, the final answer lies with you. My dear, pray about it. Leave all these ones yapping on here... who sends the chronicles we read??!! When did they know the end of a thing from the beginning? Mscheew!!
DeleteBiko, have a plan and encourage him to step up to his responsibilities as a man. Encourage him to rent his own house and have a financial plan and bigger goals. Be his light bulb switch. As you have said here that you dont like lack, TELL HIM! Una too dey quiet!! Let him picture it very well and decide if he is willing to step up to marry and cater for you or not. Tell him you wont shoulder bills/responsibilities on his behalf, early enough. Sometimes, men are careless and need a good woman to give them the push to aspire. The issue i will have is when he refrains from that push, then i will ask you to leave him to his unmotivation.
See... when i met my ex he was earning just a little less than N1m, But my money management skills were faaar better even though my salary was waaay less. You wont believe that by month end he would be down to 50k. I was unconfortable with this because my eye big sotey that his salary can be one handbag, if i mean it to be. He was Just doing father christmas and buying things he doesnt need, thinking he has arrived. Borrowing to 'friends' who never pay back. I complained to my sisters and friends, and as usual 'leave him, he will be reckless with money, you will pick bills while he does father christmas' - all out of concern, sha. But im not a quitter until i call it quits and frankly, my marriage partner is my decision. Hehehe... By the time i was through with him, he manned up already. Developed a savings/investment plan and started a side business to add to his income. When i left, he had been promoted twice in the course of our relationship but had built side biz to a point he was even hiring.
What am i saying to you?? You love the guy, he ticks most boxes, then make him seat up. It is when he doesnt man up, that you can quit. Dont be in a hurry to tie the knot (no competition!!), watch how he Then make your deductions....
Good luck!!
"Leave all these ones yapping on here..." people came here to give their own advice. Not one comment here is disparaging other people's opinions,after all everyone is entitled to theirs.
DeleteBut as an oversabinus jabberwocky that you are, you must always raise your snout looking for how to show yourself.
Dem go soon use you rinse plate again.
Still, he left you. You are really the ex girlfriend everyone lives but who just continues to be ex girlfriend. Weh done oh
Delete@04:57 no i left him (amidst pleas, cos he was an atheist) and he's still begging cos he is yet to find a replacement. I dont get dumped, if you do SORRY.
DeleteAnd oh... your generations will continue to be ex girlfriends of useless men sef not even rich ones.
Delete@04:34 they gave their comments, i gave mine. Youre hungry go and eat live rat so your life can speed up.
DeleteStory of my life##
ReplyDeletestella have said it all though
See eh, if you find a Good man that Appreciates small small favours & never forgets, hold on to him, work with him, he'd never 4get wat u did, as long as u dont start rubbing it on his face "I made you who u are 2day, how could u not flush the toilet or not pick my call" those kind bullshit talks!! but not all men remembers oh
DeleteHis family is not broke, they own their own home and his siblings school abroad. They are also so loving towards me and yes he lives with his parents
DeleteThen y are u writing a chronicle? U sound so sure n ali2 defensive. Go marry ur man nau. If his family is not broke y write to us like hes from a poor background while ure from a rich home. Poster abeg comot road mk people wit real problem see space.
DeleteTessbaby u don vex lmao
Delete@poster imagine!!! So he doesnt even come from a poor home...My friend will you fly away and go and do your part!! You dont a have chronicle let me just tell you....
DeleteThis poster is not a serious person. How old are you exactly that you are not wise.
DeleteIt obviously means this guy isn't poor. My brother got married at 28 and still lived with our parents cos of free rent,food and didn't see the need to rent a place. His office was also island and was closer to home. He wasn't earning millions but he earned okay.
As soon as they were planning their wedding they looked for a place. And they moved in after the wedding. What is the big deal there. Today they own their own property.
There is a problem let's say your oga is 45 and still living with mummy. But for the sounds of it he is early 30s.
You bring up the topic and be sure he can afford a place after the wedding......N150k salary is hard to live on but people have done it. If he is a hard working man you can support. Maybe try and encourage him also to go into a side business to boost his salary.
He doesn't have an apartment and he wants to marry! Where are you guys going to live after the wedding? Please tell him to save up for an apartment first, then you guys can talk.
ReplyDeleteExactly...they can resume marriage discussions after hes gotten atleast a two bedroom apartment..Marriage aint no childs play,its for serious minded adults who know what taking care of responsibilities is!
DeleteIf you truly love him and in return he sincerely love you as well unconditionally, then see if you can help him to stand financially.
ReplyDeleteThough most men who rode on the wings of their spouse to get settled later turned to something else. I think Stella red pen hit it on the spot. All I will advise is that you should follow your heart.
How are sure he doesn't love her because he's broke and she's got something going for her. Fear broke men? they can kiss the ground you walk on because they don't have shishi in their pocket. Be wise.
DeleteLife is all about risk,when I married my husband he didn't have an apartment was staying in the office quarters(was sharing the flat with co workers)moved out a month after marriage.i was working with an averagely good pay,but today he is doing so well and I lost my job.i have never had any reason to regret my decision even though I had so many suitors who where far more wealthy than him.it all depends on the personality of the man. so look deep down.
ReplyDeleteChop kiss jare.
DeleteTemptation sabi plenty when woman wan marry eh.
Village people de know that period, them tick am for calendar de wait
I had someone like this. He was pushing for wedding but had less than 200k in all his accounts . Always talking about how he loves me. Shows me off in public, very well behaved, romantic to a fault, I left him cos he had no clear direction in life . His new wife was over the moon, called me to find out why I let him go cos he was beyond perfect.
ReplyDeleteWe are all different in life. I grew up with a mother who was a breadwinner and I don't wanna do the same. It might work for u, but it dey won't work for me.
I know a couple that d husband begs for recharge card. And she loves him like that. No quarrels . Just love.
So, my dear . Just do you. But don't expect him to change after wedding. That will be stupid of u. What u take now, expect to continue
He should get an apartment first nau. Hold all marriage plans and thoughts till he can provide a roof on your head and food on your table.
ReplyDeleteDear poster pls think it through. Money is a driver of most successful and happy marriage. I used the word most not all marriages. If you are not comfortable with his finances and he doesn't have a prospect don't marry him.
ReplyDeleteIf u r not comfortable now you won't be in future when more responsibilities set him and by then you will discover that it takes more than love and character to have a happy home.
Money is the driver of most happy homes.
Please sit him down and let him tell you what he will like to do.always show concern that you want him to be successful.Try to set him up in your little way,so he can earn and save.stylishly,emphasize that you want him to rent a house,so even if he doesn't have enough,you can support.buy a little time ,always talk about the wedding plans, and list out his own expectations towards the wedding .you might just discover one or two things eventually
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to marriage,
ReplyDeletetheres no general rule, map or blueprint to navigate you through, its like releasing a solo album, you'd require other musical instruments to get a rhythm... one missing piece can possibly change the genre from Blues to Reggae. Finding a good man that ticks most of ur boxes is like finding a needle in a haystack, its almost impossible... you can be lucky to go & intentionally fall in love where you'd mingle with the deep pockets, but they'd most likely lack loyalty or zero character, & thats a major deal breaker, you cant change that side of a man, an old dog cant learn new tricks, i understand your dilemma, alot of young ladies are faced with the biggest decision to make while choosing a life partner, but sadly.... the chart showing the success rate is downsliding rapidly, why? Society is helping the make that decision, the wrong decision! presenting luxury n comfort before compatibility & personality... comfort is a vital ingredient to keep marriage afloat but it shouldnt be prioritized over compatibility, reason being a hardworking youngman with healthy erection can hurstle his way from a bike to a bentley, merging his success to his already amazing personality thats compatible with urs..... but if u fuck around & let IG slay queens deceive u and u put the cart b4 the horse, you'd most likely say yes to a wealthy man with sour yogurt personality, i use yoghurt cus it goes sour fast, usually fresh n eye catchy in the beginning.... how the fuck can one make a grown man change? It cant be worked on, you'd fall apart in no time, its all one huge gamble though! I'd hv elaborated more, but no time.
"presenting luxury n comfort before compatibility & personality" 👍👍👍. That's the problem of today's marriage.
DeleteThank you! No blueprint at all. Some of the people telling her to quit will jump at this guy with both hands. Poster better have sense!
DeleteNot advisable to have a wedding when in doubt. It's going against your conscience which could be wrong. The best thing to do is to stylishly delay or postpone the marriage for at least a year. Keep praying and watching. Usually in a year, things will be clearer. And you'll make a better decision.
ReplyDeleteBest advice. Poster give it a year.
DeleteYou didn't say if the problem is he can't afford to rent an apartment or not. I know a single man of 37 who lives in his parents house in lekki because it is more convenient for work. He can afford a place as he is a well paid engineer but doesn't see the need till he gets married.
If you know lack of money is the reason the guy can't afford to rent a house know you will be the bread winner and don't complain when you pay rent, school fees and co.
I think before a man should even consider marriage he should be able to afford a decent 2 bedroom flat with bills and food. If you can do this effectively pls wait till you can except if you have a wife that can shoulder half of responsibilities and if she is okay doing it.
The ball is in your court. But I advise you wait a year to know if truly he can run a home.
I personally cannot live below what I was used to being in my papa house. My standard of living cant drop drastically because of marriage.
@ Beds and Roses did i write this? Chop Knuckle!! for writing my exact sentiment.
DeleteAre you going to pay for your bride price too? Na wa for women. I am tired jo
ReplyDeletePoster you really need to think very well if this guy truly loves you, he wants to marry you without his own apartment, were is he going to keep you after the marriage? You can still take like 2 years to study him, don't join him in rushing into marriage.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't have an apartment?
ReplyDelete(in Jolynne Whittaker's voice)Turn him over to Jesus,continue to pray for him,he is a job for the Lord.
ReplyDeletemy dear, listen to the voice of an experience woman. broke guys comes very loyal loving and caring. come to think of it, how can he want to marry and he does not have an apartment of his own. my dear it not easy to be the breadwinner and be akarawinner at same time. what i know now assuming i know it before i would not have gone into it. If he really want to marry you he should go and make money. hence fort stop all financial assistance toward him and still be nice to him. as far as am concerned when it comes to marriage i love him is not just enough.
ReplyDeleteLol that’s how this boy I was dating too. be talking marriage. Talking about I can marry someone who earns more than me yen yen yen.
ReplyDeleteI was going to hangout at his house the other day, and decided to order something for us both to eat. I ordered, did pay on delivery. I knew I was going to be late, so I’m like I’d transfer the money to you so you can pay them when they deliver. On my way there, dispatch rider called that he has arrived his house blah blah, and there’s no one home. I got there found out uncle left the house only to return 1 minute after I had paid again. Nobody taught me how to run.
I had to re-evaluate, why am I the one always giving giving giving. He never even tries to do anything for us both. He earns 150k, doesn’t pay rent , only food and transport to work that is only 10 minutes drive from his house. Yet he never has money.
Moral of the story; don’t let desperation to marry cloud your judgement. This guy might be a leech in disguise. He earns less, but does he expect you to do every single thing on your own? There’s nothing wrong in you earning more, but is he making an effort to increase his earnings? Not to compete with you, but to be comfortable in this Nigerian Economy?
If you are fine with being the sole breadwinner, then by all means do it. If not, my sister, RUN!! I have many friends with rich fathers who spend on other things/people and leave their struggling Mum to carry all the house and children’s bills.... and I bet it started like this.
That’s some wisdom right the Anon 51:51.
DeleteHmmmmm. This guy must be a gold digger! Can u imagine? So he left d house so that he won't have to pay for d delivery? And if u have ordered for just yourself now it will be like u r self-centered! God will deliver us from this Nigerian Men o.
DeleteThat's how one that doesn't even have a job and still staying with his parents is just saying we should get married, bcoz he Don c say I b doctor and d only daughter from a wealthy home. He kept saying we will get support from people when we fix d date that moreover am d only daughter my people will want to do everything for me. I was just looking at him with so surprise how a man can say that. I had to RUN!
POSTER... u know this guy more than we do. If u c him like a lazy person that is not thinking of improving himself or one who has entitlement problem, like he always wants u to do for him Pls RUN cuz this men won't change! My sister is still suffering hers even after 15yrs of marrying this her husband. D man don't want to do anything, he doesn't even know how much dey kids pay as school fees. So my dear BE WISE! LOVE IS NOT JUST ENOUGH!
Before I forget, this men can be very loyal o. No matter what u do or say to them dey won't react. In their mind dey will just b saying make I marry u first lol.
@ Anno 16*30
DeleteHow com u are d only daughter and u also have a sister
Just wondering 😋😋😋😋😋😋
My dear his showing love because he knows you have money and your family is well to do please keep looking you haven't seen husband.
ReplyDeleteI won't mince words please don't marry him, I repeat don't marry him run dude is a gold digger. He doesn't have an apartment and his pushing for marriage who will pay the house rent and other bills when you settle down with him ? hmm marriage is not easy even when husband and wife are doing so well financially not to talk of when th the one who suppose to provide for the family doesn't even have an apartment yet still doing mummy thank you at his age. You can go ahead sha if you choose to be the bread winner. Don't be desperate for marriage that you lower your standard because these men don't. Look who is pushing for marriage a man that cannot afford a self- contain I guess he thinks he has finally caught a big fish what and upgrade for him. Mtchew marry him at your peril you will surely regret it.
Being a sole winner in marriage no be beans especially for if you are a lady. The situation will surely starts irritating you at some point and your eyes will clear.
ReplyDeleteTrue talk! am in this delima right now
Delete@poster let me correct you when you say marriage should be an upgrade it is a damn lie. Except you are marrying from a poor background into someone with a rich background. Marriage is humble beginnings my dear! You cant compare a 30 year old persons car to a 60year old persons car, all those maids in your fathers house is it your small salary you want to use to pay them? Or you want to be wearing expensive lace and gold your mother is wearing now? Or you want a big mansion like your fathers own? Go back to your family pic when you were small and tell me if what you see then is what you see now. Marriage is planting seeds, investing growing together. You should be more concerned about his potential for earning, his behaviour and attitude towards you and your career. Will he be emasculated by your career? Will he support you? If he is steadfast and smart the money will come. In the meantime you guys manage what you have both parents can even chip in small small. I come from a wealthy home and so does hubby but when I married I still downgraded from duplex to apartment, from 4 freezers to one freezer, from gateman, cook driver etc to just me and hubby. But I am happy!!! I have my dishwasher and washing machine I can’t just shout!
DeleteYou say marriage should be an upgrade? Is this always true? Sometimes, you meet someone who doesn't have as much as daddy but you two can build together abd create the life you desire. I am also concerned by your asking whether he's only nice coz of your money as this shows you don't know this guy that well. And then, why is he pushing for marriage this year that is ending in less than 6 months yet doesn't know where you'd both live after the wedding? This may mean you and daddy will be footing most of the wedding expenses and setting up expenses unless he has some inheritance stashed somewhere. In the end, only you know his character and whether he's honest, hardworking and at least reliable even when he has a little, if this is the case then there's hope. Give it a bit more time to observe, ask questions and plan together. Never make a decision out of fear, anxiety or desperation. Even when all these are absent but you still have some uncertainty, Go back to Daddy - this time I'm talking about Big daddy upstairs (God) to confirm your next steps, after all you prayed about it. Pray and patiently wait for His answer because sometimes I've heard that the devil sends a counterfeit right before the real deal.
ReplyDeleteHow can he be pushing for marriage when he doesn't have an apartment . You need to wait until he's
ReplyDeletefinancial ly capable of picking his own share of the bills.
Gold digger alert! I won't settle for a man without a roof over his head. But if he has prospects as you say and he seems genuine which of course you can never be 100 sure until you are in already, I say go for it, but shine your eye well before we hear stories that touch. If you are comfortable enough to be the breadwinner then why not, if you ain't, please take several seats for now, cos at this rate you will be picking all the tabs trust me. But what do I know self, love conquers all. So let love lead.
ReplyDeleteSis dont do it. Bf and gf sets the pace of the marriage. What you start now will continue in marriage. Go on youtube and watch SheRaseven1 her videos helped me secure a man of means. Met my boo on tinder and used the line shera said to use and he accepted it and does it ALL. Her vids made me bolder and any guy that didnt stay i counted it as you win some and lose some.
ReplyDeleteMost especialy pray so you dont become a prey.
Yes was subscribed to her,but had to unsubscribe when she was saying gibberish about Christ and her room kinda look occultic to be honest.
DeleteSeemed more like a sorceress to me, but some of her advices were applicable to some extent, hated the fact she encouraged having a sugar daddy though.
A responsible man that wants to settle down must secure an apartment first no matter how small it is. If you people get married , where will you reside? in the bush or where? let him source for money and sort the accomodation out.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, it's not in all cases a poor guy is a gold digger. Some might have the prospect but no opportunity. If you can confidently say that he's a goal-getter and focused then you can give him a lift. No one knows tomorrow. Do not disregard him because of where he is today.
In all, pray about it and seek God's help and direction. You cannot do it by your own power. All the best.
I CANNOT categorically say he is a gold digger cos i dont know him but in my almost 40 somethings years on earth i have come to realize that you must allow a man show responsibility for somethings.dont start what you cant finish like they say.some of my friends who married like you did have continued to foot most of the household bills years after...you cannot tell his true nature now till he has money...how old are you? what are your reasons for getting married? are you going to live with your parents or his? who will foot the bills for the wedding? if you are young give it a bit more time....let him get an apartment for his pocket..can you lower your standards from what you have had all your life? some of these men after a while begin to have a complex and begin to interpret all you do like its because your family get money...dont rush. you know him better and God has given us strong intuition as women, if it doesn't feel right or peaceful then don't push it.
ReplyDeleteSo let me get this straight. He has a low paying job, no apartment and possibly little prospects. He is looking to upgrade his life through you. On the other hand you will seriously downgrade because you will be paying rent, all the bills including food, while you do all the cleaning and he will fuck you for free. When the children arrive, school fees etc will join. Madam, run from this man. Don't say you have not been warned.
ReplyDeleteGbam, that's his plan to upgrade and this is an unbalanced dynamics have noticed in relationships, one person upgrade and the other downgrades.
DeleteFor all the guys have been with in the past were way below me and I have gone past that for I promised myself not to date down ever again for the truth is most guys tend to over-reach.
So this was what I did,
When a guy asks me out I do a thorough overhaul of his life and mine, check and balances here and there and if after everything he's at 80% for being with me while am at anything below I bounce, it has to be equal in the sense that we both adding to each other's life or mine higher since he is the man and the supposed head of the house like they always claim and I dont intend to drag that post from him.
It wasn't easy at first but I said "if a man can aim for the best so can I", men dont settle.
The line fell in my favour and then I met my boyfriend.
Truly we only get the love, man, and the life, we think we deserve.
which free fuck? Didnt he pay bride price?
DeletePoster, it's two ways. It can backfire or work for you tomorrow. Some guys can be soooooo ungrateful when they start making good money and forget your struggles with them while some will remain loyal to the end. But the big problem is how would you know because its not by what they act out or make you believe now that will determine if they will change, back stab or be faithful to you till the end.
ReplyDeleteMy sister married a poor elementary drop out guy while she was a graduate but today the man is a wealthy man with a name that rings bell. He was able to be loyal because he fears and obeys God. You can only know what to do if you commit everything to God Almighty who has your future in His palm for proper direction.
Poster....to marry isn't easy, is money that keep marriage going.....hmmmm
ReplyDeleteThink am wella......take your time, don't let anyone rush you biko......
Pls take your position and allow him take his position as the head...my dear because when the main responsibility set in children and real bills you will just be frustrated.
ReplyDeleteMy dear poster I will just give you few gist of what happened to, my ex husband was loyal, calm, cool headed,pretends to know God and love him, he was calm, even when I was angry or I get mad at him he was calm, he never offended me, he takes my He listens to me, he always seek for my concepts before he does anything , I never knew he came cos of my money, broke ass men can be loyal that you will even think he cannot hurt a fly, he was rushing me and my family for the wedding , we never knew guy man has no kobo for t hewedding,It was after wedding card was out Oga started saying he put his money into insurance and cannot have access to it till the following year.
ReplyDeletead
OMG I was m , I told my family I want to pull out but they said that will bring disgrace, instead they offer to assist and finance the wedding , after wedding I started living a low life me that was single was in cash, I can afford what I want, guy man change am for me, immediately I noticed he was being smart I change am for am, the guy enter me with frustration , no sex, no love, no money,he started cheating,tell girls he is not married, bring them home,less then a year marriage fall apart, the guy that was loyal was not anymore, i never knew he used me to save up something and buy a car, rent another apartment, askthe agent to serve us quit notice.
Guy man picked his things and left me alone, I never looked for him till now, my family called him for a meeting and he was so disrespectful cos he felt I was desperate since me and my family foot the wedding bills, he feels we will go on our knees to beg him, no body begged him, rather they advised us to officially divorce, am waiting for it to get to one year before I file for divorce, i know he will never file for that, I spent all that I have just to please this guy, see me today trying to come back to my self, the rain that beat me this morning is giving sense of never to spend my kobo on any man. Shine your eyes oh he will be loving you now once you are married, babe his true colors will surface.
Yours may work for you, you alone has the final answer , think deep and do what is right, no broke aas guy that is not loyal all na heavy wash.
Dear poster,This is the first comment I am making on this blog.........reading through all the comments of most of these female BVS...I shake my head! ....they all want "already made" successful men. That's the reason plenty of them are single till date. Beware of the advise you receive on social media forums like this. Plenty very wealthy men we see today married their wives when they were nothing but with God's favour, ambition,hard work and SUPPORT FROM A LOVING WIFE(which unfortunately some of the female commentators on this post lack!) their story has turned around for good. I'll just leave some tips for you. (1) Seek God's guidance on this issue! He alone knows the future,Pray tirelessly on it. Some men appear broke now, but will be billionaires in 20 years.....some other men are millionaires now but in 20 years they will be poor church rats...be guided in prayers. Not all that glitters is gold. (2) watch him very closely, how ambitious is he??? How motivated is he?? Does he have the hustling spirit? These will give you an indication of how desirous he is for a change in status. (3) he should take up some responsibility eg. source for certain part of the accommodation money, that's if you decide to contribute to it. (4) Finally DONT and I repeat DONT GO INTO MARRIAGE with him if you are not 100% convinced he is the right man for you. If you decide to marry him as he is then be prepared with your heart and soul and resources to support him until he stands on his feet and becomes something for himself. It's better you don't go into it at all than to enter and start regretting after 6months. Your full heart needs to be it. I speak from a profound well of first hand experience on this issue. I used to be engaged to a classy beautiful banker babe who met me at a downturn in my life, ie things were not going great with me at that time....she was earning more than I was, but I really loved her and wanted to marry her. At first she was fully with me and ready for us to sail, but later her attitude changed and she broke the engagement and returned my ring to me. ( she sought opinions from people like all these female Bv commentators) who prolly told her to run away cos I was broke. Later when things turned around, I rented a 3 bedroom crib for one million, furnished it, bought a car (all in a space of 6 months). She then started entertaining thoughts of coming back,because the grass was now looking greener....but after thinking it through I moved on and married someone else. ( the wonderful woman I finally married, didn't even have a job as at the time we got married,what moved me was that the little she had she gave into the relationship , I married her because she had the heart of a wife, and believed in me and my potential to rise! .....the rich banker girl who had the money didn't support or believe in me. I and my wife are trying to grow together, we are not yet where we want to be, but we are in it together 100%. God bless faithful women who stick to growing men and support them......As for most of these female BV commentators looking for Mr silver and Dr Gold, I wish all of una your hearts desire. Poster hope my two cents help in your decision making. On 2 the Next!
ReplyDeleteI was in your shoes 11 years ago, thinking of breaking the relationship but my hubby is, and still kind, thoughtful and held the family idea in high esteem because he didnt grow up in one so I supported him to get an apartment while we worked on getting another job. God smiled on us and he got another job, and that was then we started planning the wedding. Dear poster it all depends on you and the attitude of the man to God(not pretense christianity please), his attitude to general life issues, and how he responds when single women are around him. Trust me you will know a future cheater by his current behaviour. May God lead you to take a good decision.
ReplyDelete10 years ago, fresh out of corp service, looking for job, dad late and everyone struggling, i asked a lady out (close family friend, her family is well to do) cos i genuinely liked her, she laughed in my face and went after a "rich' man's son. Her brother even told me to my face asking 'why am i chasing "big" men daughter' My blood ran cold and every affection died cos i never even thought of their wealth. Fast forward 2018, I thank God for where he has taken me too... earn 7digits a month, bought my wife a new car last week... This same lady that laughed in my face calls me for money, her rich man's pikin husband calls on the low to ask for money from me (and i deliberately give), i give her brother jobs and little contracts to do in my company. Moral of the story. Nobody knows tomorrow. Enter every relationship with a sincere heart, put God in all you do and leave the rest. No be by your power, nor by might..the race is not for the swift nor the intelligent... Dear poster, for you to doubt this man in the first place shows there's something you must have noticed, be honest with yourself and do what your spirit tells you. And all you ladies who believe a man must have everything before you can accept to date him...Lol, i laugh at you in Spanish.
ReplyDelete10 years ago, fresh out of corp service, looking for job, dad late and everyone struggling, i asked a lady out (close family friend, family well to do) cos i genuinely liked her, she laughed in my face and went after a "rich' man's son. Her brother even told me to my face why am i chasing "big" men daughter. Fast forward 2018, I thank God for where he has taken me too... earn almost 7digits a month, bought my wife a new car last week... This same lady that laughed in my face calls me for money, her rich man's pikin husband calls on the low to ask for money from me. Moral of the story. Nobody knows tomorrow. Enter every relationship with a sincere heart, put God in all you do and leave the rest. No be by your power, nor by might..the race is not for the swift nor the intelligent... Dear poster, for you to doubt this man in the first place shows there's something you must have noticed, be honest with yourself and do what your spirit tells you.
ReplyDelete