STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRYING A MUMMYS BOY
Stella you are blessed. I know you hate to be addressed as madam so I am not gonna say.
I have been an ardent reader of your blog since Ms Kay 's domestic violence diary. I fell in love with your blog. I have been here since and not leaving to nowhere. Lol.
I am a 27 year old married woman of two children.
Just want to appreciate you good work. (I know you've heard this 1billion times)
But this is me saying WELLDONE for all your good work.
I was MIA in January this year so I had missed some january posts, I just got to read about Amara kanu calling out her brother for ill treating her and her kids. Stella that really broke as I am in similar situation. My brother in law(husband's older brother) is a torn in my marriage, he and his wife never want to see me and my children Happy (GOD OF JUSTICE SHALL DEAL WITH THEM, I JUST CAN'T WAIT.) Or See I and my husband in good terms.(it is always one quarrel to another)
Stella am so so tired (sometimes I wonder why humans have to get married) couple with the fact that my mother in-law is a beast A BIG ONE! this woman and my brother in-law are showing me hell. My mother has told me to endure everything cos if I leave my matrimony it will be hard to care of me and my little ones.as I am just a student and no means of income. I will send in my chronicle soon. Stella I just need someone to pour my heart to,.
Someone that does not know me from Adam and will not insult me with my problems in the future. (even my mother does that sometimes) And there is only one person I could think of and that is you Stella. Please just tell me I will be fine, just hug me, just tell me this too shall pass. That it is just a phase of life. My sons are the only reason I am pushing it.
Where will I go with them(that is if their father will allow me their custody). My only person that should be my support (mother) has clearly told me she won't welcome me should I take a walk from this union. Oh Stella women are really suffering in marriage. Oh God. (sobbing). I am hating this my husband for not manning up to stood for us. He is a typical mama's boy.
Always does as his mother and siblings instruct. Married him since I was 22 and now regretting my life. I will be fine right? Please just tell me I will..
Sorry for all my un arranged write up.
I am not even thinking straight. Bye Stella.
*Na wah oh....this looks like a bad situation..Is there no way you can wrestle your man from his mothers grip?perhaps if you use love to confuse them it might happen...if you fight them openly,the situation will be worse.....I am just saying!
Why do these happen
ReplyDeleteNo courtship
Girls marry to escape poverty
Exactly and they will start regretting it after some years..
DeleteMay God fix it for you
This too shall pass.
Ehugs to you Poster.
Just go to God in prayers
Use your Nails and go to God in prayers.God will turn things around for your good..
It is well.
***Knees
Deleteshe too marry early sef. if na one babe wey marry at 30+ i no think say any family go dey harass her. its good for women to have a source of livelihood before marriage abeg, it commands some sort of respect.
DeleteYou are so wrong about no courtship. These things happen and no explanation given. Been there done that.
DeleteEayah it is well with you. May God Almighty console you.
ReplyDeleteYou mum is really wicked ooo, you must be Mrs. by force. Please direct her to the post of that sweden man that killed his wife and daughter. Your mum is just something else. It is well with you again
Na wa. People are really taking shit from marriages that God blessed.
Lolz at Sweden man.
DeleteI don't think your mum is wicked. Did they force you to marry him? How?
DeleteMy friend start doing something to help yourself even if its frying of chin-chin or groundnut and supply, its better than staying idle from 2pm to 6pm.
Eating her son's money and you expect them not to treat you badly, nah. Stand up. Change your attitude and love him more. Be his bedroom whore to reset his brain, unless you're so timid to learn positions.
Ask bv BB to lecture you.
#imout
Love is practical and God is love. Seek him first.
DeleteLol, that professional whorism no dey work for mummuy,s boy oh...after u reset his brain, once mama calls, he will answer.
DeleteHahahahahah@ BB oh... he will really answer! she will reformat the brain back to factory mode.
DeleteU will be fine dear keep pushing
ReplyDeleteTrue na love fit confuse him to stand up for u
ReplyDeleteGod will see u thru,mama's boy na real wa in marriage, just dey manage if he no dey beat u and treat u and ur kids well
ReplyDeleteIt is well with you poster, you will be fine and this too shall pass. Go to God in prayers and shower them with love as Stella said.
ReplyDeleteHope violence is not involved?
In laws problems.... Kpele,u be fine....most parent will never advice their children to leave their marriage even if they are dieing there..
ReplyDeleteParents are the major cause of the problem.you complain to them they will still tell you to go back..mtshewww
Delete...just as the Banana island lady & her daughter, the foreigner beat her into coma, & the dad fell for his crocodile tears and sent her back, maybe he offered to renovate his village house, who knows??!! Nxt call he got was to come sign her death certificate *sad*
DeleteParents/people will never trully understand a situation until it happens to them.
Women have really suffered in this world.
ReplyDeletemine is in a month we can only be good for 2-3 days while the rest is fire.
I'm just tired of this so called prison called marriage where men don't consider and think of the children only the women has to.
Is it even necessary to marry?
Only if this can be a dream I will never marry in my life. I would rather be a baby mama or get married and divorce immediately I have my kids. This is damn heart wrenching.
I feel like dying already.
What happened Darling? Don't talk about death in this manner. E-hugs for you sweetie.
DeletePls dont die ooo...if u do,the same children u are bearing all this for...u will end up leaving them,so about them and u can leave just get something doing
DeleteIt is well dear.
DeleteMay God fix it for you..
Waoh,waoh waoh
DeleteYou better leave so you can be alive to take care of your child (ren)ooooooooo. My daughter keeps me going💖💖 may you make the best decision for yourself and kids.xx
DeleteShould I marry
ReplyDeleteShould I not marry
Hmmmmmmmmm
I understand ya strategy
Deletejust to tell us that you are
single and searching. Congrats
You have achieved ya aim.
Stop trolling ppl's comments or is it your aim? Always forming I must menstruate under ppl's comments.
Delete@Anonymous 15:58
Delete"forming?" sic.
Hope you do not write this thrash in SSCE
The word "menstruate" is also used wrongly here
"ppl's" sic.
Your sentence construction lacks solidity. Please make
one correct sentence and learn to make a sentence a day.
Sigh... We cannot state this enough; married women please look for a source of income no matter how little it is. That way, you would stay in a marriage because you want to, not because you have no choice. Life is too uncertain to depend on another human for your whole livelihood. Thank God for the internet,look for a simple skill you can learn on YouTube.Not every business requires an actual startup capital. Acquire a skill and market it in your environment,in church, among your school mates etc. See, there is nothing noble in suffering through life, nobody would give you an award for it. If your husband can't protect you from the darts of his family, then please protect yourself. If anything happens to you tomorrow, your husband would move on with his life and you would be ancient history. Stop waiting for your mum to come and save you, save yourself. But sadly, you cannot do any of these without money,so please look into what you can do alongside your studies. Lastly, do not engage your MIL and brother in-law, try as much as you can to show them love but keep your distance. Don't let anybody continually rob you of your joy,life is too short. May God help you through this phase.#hugs
ReplyDeleteWell said...poster pls listen to this. Women should learn to have something doing . That alone commands respect .
DeleteIt is well with you poster
When you have source of income, they will become lazy. I have turned to bread winner over night. Paid children's school fees, paid rent and major expenses are heaped on me.
DeleteSometimes, I feel like running away. I am hypertensive already.
That is why even if u have a source of income, hide ur earnings, be stingy to him, stop doing help mate, it doesnt pay everyone.
DeleteLove deary you have said it all, but when they say have your own money, it doesn’t mean you should turn miss independent, not having money should be your best motto. Tell him your salary was slashed, you can pay school fees but when it comes to rent say you don’t have, if he will let you guys get embarrassed by the landlord so be it. If he wants to move you guys to a smaller house ngwanu. In marriage you have to be wise, Cus I don’t know if men think it’s a game.
DeleteI know you may be too proud to let your friends see you suffer but my dear you can’t end up being bitter because you were not wise. When some men find out their wives have money, they will want to finish it to the last.
A classmate of mine pursued a girl
ReplyDeletefor two years for marriage. The girl
continued to say "no" but eventually
budged and marriage preparations began.
Everything was okay until, the guy went
home after schooling to tell his family
that he has met his wife in his school.
The guy got a job nearby and was doing quite
well in his job.
That was where I knew up to. . . because I
traveled.
Next time I came back, a friend told
me that this same guy was married and was
moving out of town same day back to his
state. I just waved it off as a huge lie
The reason? I was still in touch with
the girl and I knew she was still single.
It nearly got to a point of betting, then I
agreed to go to his house. The "wife" was the
one that opened the door for me and it was a
different lady from his home town. Got to know that
the guy's parents arranged everything and told him
not only to marry her but to leave his job and relocate
to their state to "avoid the other lady ever seeing him".
You needed to see the look on his face when he saw me.
One of the hazards of marrying a
Y-demon (please I did not believe in this
words until I witnessed this first hand)
is that you also have the mother
to contend with. It is automatic, you can
make a nearly 100% prediction based on it.
When you see 27 years ladies and above not married you all mock them and look down at them but in reality you are suffering in marriage. Why didn't you focus on your education first, getting a job or opening a business so as to have a stable source of income before marrying ? Oh yeah you were busy rushing to get the title Mrs. Now you are stuck. What can I tell you? Endure until you finish schooling, get something to do that will sustain you and your children and when you save enough leave your husband, let him go to marry his mother and brother. I'm 27 like you but marriage is not even in my mind yet because I want to get my degree in nursing and start working as a nurse before I get married and if marriage happens at 35 when my I've completed my studies so be it if not it means it wasn't meant for me. My priority is my education and financial independence and peace of mind. If I marry I know that I have my independence and my husband can't misbehave because I will leave him without thinking twice and make him pay me alimony and spousal support and we will share his assets, after all this is how it works here abroad. I hope this chronicle teaches young ladies to be patient, focus on their education and having a steady income before marriage. And don't let age make you settle in an unhappy marriage just because you want to say you are married. Pray, dress decently with style and class, go to church and work and sometimes go on outings with you friends even if it's just for a drink. At the right time the man meant for you will notice you. Take minimum a year to know him and then if you see he is real and godfearing and you are physically attracted to him then marry. Keep different accounts and split the bills in the house. Work and open businesses in your name and lands in your name and make next of kin your children not husband. Love your husband, show him care and affection and respect but don't be a mumu and don't let him walk all over you. If he becomes emotionally or physically abusive divorce him immediately and take your children with you. But if you wait, pray, be financial independent and make Jesus Christ the center of your home there will be no serious problems in marriage just little quarrels that are inevitable in every relationship.
ReplyDeletePlease shut up. What has age got to do with facing problems. Haven't we seen chronicles of those who have a good job, above 30 and still having marriage problems? Who told u only those below 30 without job have issues.? Stop looking for ways to make your self feel good. No one knows it all in marriage. If not there who are 40 and above with good jobs won't be divorcing
DeleteIf you started late to life does not mean others did. What has her been 27yrs old has to do with her marriage issue? I'm also 27yrs old, done with school, working in a multinational company and still have issues with my husband. So what are you on about? Who says having a job stops you from having issues. Even normal relationships encounter serious problems where either parties split up or remain together and make it work. Stop making it look like only married people face hell. A lot of singles are in relationship where they are mentally abused, physically abused, emotionally abused and much more. Some take a walk while others don't. Or you are trying to tell me you have a smooth ride with your man? No issues at all? I doubt that. Advice her or keep your advice to yourself as you are making her feel more bad. So what if she doesn't have a job now? Does that tell what her future will be? If she didn't school before marriage, do you know why?
DeleteThank you, though her case is a bit different. people finish school at 20 and gets married at that twenty as well so is not a matter of age. Though circumstances beyond her control might have led to that. my elder finished Uni at 19, got married at 20 and she has been happily married for over 30 years. Here I am finished Uni at 26 got married same year, started work almost immediately, but today I have become the bread winner, bearing almost all expenses. My husband lost his job few years ago and he is not doing enough to fix himself, rahter turned me to his AT. MTCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
DeleteWhat has age got to do with this for crying out loud? Do not project your anger for finishing school late on another woman.
DeleteKING XOXO MYSTERY
What are you even saying, this is why they will keep calling people like you bitter, is it her fault you dint get married. Let me now burst your bubble, this things happen to both those with money and those without, you think it’s easy for a woman to walk away even when she has the money to. I have seen so called nurses being killed by their spouses Cus they refuse to keep being a fool, so I ask you, what are you all about. If you like achieve the whole world if marriage wants to show you pepper, it will show you pepper without looking back. Her mates who married early and who has their husbands kissing their feet’s do they have two heads?
DeleteMy neighbor in gwarimpa doesn’t cook, all her hubby wants is for her to look good, (do her nails, lashes etc) and nothing else and she doesn’t work so there’s no rule book
Anon 15:32 when you change location to Nigeria, try all you just listed and give us feed back. If the poster was in the same country you are, she would have sued for divorce and everything will work to her favour but here in Nigeria nothing of such works easily nothing like spousal support. So before you ride on that high horse check your surrounding.
DeleteHow is marrying @22 a sin?I'm sure the hubby was not like this at the beginning!!!!
DeleteMay God see u thru.
ReplyDeleteUna go dey jump enter marriage,instead of you to farabale,finish school and try to get a job....22 YEARS,what is chasing you,enjoy you no enjoy and rushed in,see what your eye dey see now.It is well with your soul!!!
ReplyDeleteAt 20 I was done with school and service. Got a job before 21 and married at 22yrs old. Been married for 10yrs and don't regret it. My mum married at 18yrs old, finished nursing school at 20yrs and started working. And shes still married. So what's your point? Some people will marry early, some will marry late. Not everyone has the same destiny. My point is, face her issues and leave her age
Deleteexactly. it's not about age. here in my office, we have very young people. 19,20,18 already done with Uni and serving.
Delete@love
Delete18 and already done with university?
So he/she got admitted to University at 14?
Tell us that the sky is green and force us to believe you.
Please make una dey lie with some conscience.
Yes.. It's possible o.. While I was in federal uni back then , a girl got into uni then at the age of 14 though it was predegree.If she had gone to a private university, she would have finished at age 18 but her parents just wanted her to come to my school then. But with private universities all around, you get to see young people graduating at 18,19. Education is very fast these days especially if you have your money.. Just take your kids to private university. They meet rich kids as well and get to marry early. A girl of 22 I know went there, hooked up with a rich guy and is happily married now.
DeleteChildren start university in private school as early as 12. You think it is documented age we are referring to.
DeleteWhat is this one saying, my friend is 26 and is doing her PhD, no she dint school abroad, she’s in abu Zaria as we speak and no she’s not the youngest in her class. She had also worked for some years so what are you saying
DeleteLook for a job and PRAY when you are alone in the house. Pray them into confusion, pray your way into freedom. The devil is against unity in families. Tighten your belt and say what you want to see.
ReplyDeleteJust go to God in prayers, He will see you through.
ReplyDeleteIn this world of now a woman should not enter marriage except she is done with school and has established herself to a level career-wise or business wise. Even if its baking and selling chin-chin in your area, church and childrens school.
ReplyDeleteEven if your salary is 50k, just earn something. If one has a job/business, the see finish syndrome will reduce.
Imagine that lady that said the husband starves her for days. Me I don't know how to be begging a man after argument so he can give me N500 for sanitary pad......
Then you need to humble yourself and stop calling your mother in-law witch. Theres smthn not right somewhere. In-laws its all about eye-service, even if you don't like them, just pretend.
Things will never be well with you and your hubby if you keep waring with his family. Hope you don't abuse them in his presence. No matter how bad someones mother is, no one wants to hear their partners bad mouthing his mother.
it is very easy to blame her by saying she jumped in too early. i dated my hubby all through the university, 6 years courtship, took in while i was serving and didnt want to abort again. We got married and it was hell. had the baby, mom in law wont let you rest. she runs the house, though she doesnt stay with us. thats how strong her old was. Got 3 good jobs but hubby wont let you work in peace. It is difficult to manage a career and home kids inclusive, if your husband is hell bent on not supporting you. Had to resign cos my baby is always the last to leave creche and i have to pay extra. Only to get home and you will meet hubby lying down on the bed. You have to rush to make food, cater for the baby, you are up early in the morning. P.S.. he was not like this when you were dating. I had always hustled from school days. From selling undies, makeup, bags from cotonou... Then the beating started. His family wont understand why you cant bear it. Afterall, his mom bore it and now in her 50s, she has peace. Then you resign, you start doing small business but he wants you to give that up still and help him run his own bis, with no promise of pay, nor share. You say no, then the beating starts, and he refuses to drop money for house keep. You cant take it, you leave, after 10 months, you come back, cos you dont want to be a single mom. This time around, you have a job that pays you less than 100k, and before you know it, the cycle begins and you resign. This time around, you had an argument, something came up and you have FIL,MIL and BIL saying they have concluded that you need to excuse their son(not your husband anymore) and he stands there doing nothing. Was locked out and he says you should go and sort it out with his people, if they let you in, he will allow you. He is not having any issues with you, but because you have an issue with his people. This time around, you cant even stay put cos you been thrown out. Then you take the bull by the horn.Then God shows up for you and you get a job worth over almost a quater of a million per month. then you wonder what the hell was all that. Though my parents were supportive.
ReplyDeleteIt is very important, you are EMPOWERED before you tie your self to someone.
All you need to do, poster, Do family planning, stop getting pregnant, round up your schooling and get something doing. Then prepare, make sure you are giving it your best shot. IF you marry the wrong person, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED.
Let me add a bit, whether you marry at 18 or at 30, the prayer is to marry a God fearing man, which to me is a priority to getting a rich husband. Marry a man not a boy. A man who is mature enough to know that his nuclear family is his wife and kids.
ReplyDeleteEhn awon mummy’s boy ..you r in for it o .,I know what you mean ,the way their mother controls their life ,am sure even when you guys do the do he seeks his Mum consent first 🤣🤣..it’s well ,sorry porter I feel your pain
ReplyDeletePray your way out.
ReplyDeleteJust go to God in prayers.
Only God can change your situation.
May God answers you when you call upon Him as you seek His face in prayer.
Dear Poster i don't have any marriage experience, but i think if you look at them the way God looked at us for him to send his son to die for us you will ignore their bad side and kill them with love. I think if you love them despite what they do they will eventually get tired. Do not argue or raise your voice at them, i know this from what my mom went through and my sister as well, at times playing the fool doesn't make you a fool. since you know most of their strategy stay away from whatever makes them pick on you. Still be smart as a snake and gentle as a dove. I pray God gives you wisdom to handle this.
ReplyDeletePoster, so from 22 till 27 years old, your only achievement is having 2 kids. You don't even have a part time job! God dey. I think you need a job first sha. Don't play the victim and hope for miracles
ReplyDeletePoster, have you heard of that song that says- Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus X2. He's the friend of all. My dear, no matter the mountain, prayers and fasting break yokes.
ReplyDeleteAlso , change your mode of operation. Be calmer and apply wisdom. God will see you through in Jesus nmae.
name. Amen
ReplyDeleteCarry your cross. Nobody choose him for you..
ReplyDeletePoster
ReplyDeleteplease change your characters to a better one,cos while reading this
you sounded like a woman who open her eyes after marriage,,
you knew very well that there are somethings you are not doing right ,
its may even be your husband that has being feeding his people all about
your bad characters,,just read again the way you sounded without a respect,,
give your husband a peace and see his mumu side,,he will fight for u,,
no man will fight for a woman that wishes to leave
It is ok to divorce. It is ok if you chose the wrong partner and make a mistake, we all can't get it right all the time. When you are in a position of power and financial stability please move on. There is nothing in this world more valuable than inner peace. Deep down you have a strong dislike for your husband and his family, you will never be able to build a joyful family with these feelings, so please go as soon as you can. Use contraceptives and take charge of your fertility.
ReplyDeleteWe Nigerians are something else...
ReplyDeleteSo somehow it has become this woman’s fault that her husband, the man who promised to live and cherish her has made her a reproach before his family. ...
I always say that a man who does not draw the line when he is married has no business being married. He hasn’t matured enough to carry the responsibility of being the Head of a home. It is not by mouth....
Once you are married, you first responsibility is to your wife and your kids. And any God fearing mother knows and respects that..
Mothers, leave your sons to be happy. Stop manipulating them into misery. Go back to your husbands. This home belongs to another woman. You cannot keep destroying homes and making this vicious cycle continue
Madam, talking like a man, sometimes taking a break will give your man the chance to miss you and come back to his senses. But before you do that, kill him with love. And be super respectful to his people... start keeping evidence of these two nstances of maltreatment from them... then one day, shock him with him and threaten to leave. If your man loves you, he will change... and want things better