Hmmmmm....imagine!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE LONG WAIT FOR A BABY
We started leaving like neighbors in the house no communication whatsoever,cheating,frowning his face and he started sleeping in the living room. I complained so many times but no changes so I was forced to call my mother in law to tell her everything because she is a very good woman with a heart of gold.....
she called him and to my surprise it wasn’t his business that made him change it was because I am not pregnant yet and he is putting all the blames on me.
DH lost one of his testicle when he was young so he has just one testicle and since all my tests came back normal so the doctor told him to go for a semen analysis his result came very very bad with a very low sperm count of 2 million, low morphology and low motility.
I am at a crossroad right now because I don’t want to pay evil with evil because I am really angry from within because the urologist told us he can’t even advice us to go for IVF/ICSI till they put him on meds for like a year and knowing that am not one with the problem I don’t think am ready to go through the emotional and psychological trauma of IVF.
My fellow TTC sister’s please male infertility is real get your partner’s tested don’t let any man in his family give you headache because of their son’s dead and watery sperm.
*LMAO@dead and watery ........
Hummmmm
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Nawaooooooooooo...
DeleteOluwa wa gba control
DeleteDear poster, first I understand your plight somehow. We have been TTC for over 8yrs now. I understand the pain. But please, there is power in outspoken words. These words you uttered and wrote down "dead and watery" are heavy and they may seal it for you. Men are men and their virility is one of their prowess. Your husband may not be mad at you or blaming you but himself. He sees himself as a failure, he thinks he is no longer a man and he is using defence mechanism. Women can bear being the cause of infertility in the family but not men. They feel helpless and all the tests to help them actually embarrasses them. A friend's husband avoid going for semen analysis, he hates masturbation. Have a calm and heartfelt conversation with your husband. Tell him, you are with him all the way. Don't do this if you are not with him. Reassure him. Let him know he is still a man sperm or no sperm. Children are gifts from God and you ACCEPT a gift, you don't EXPECT it.
DeleteDo you believe in God? If yes, he is the creator, restorer and healer. His verdict is the best. Until he says it is over, it is not over. Men do not know how to grieve. In his mind, he will be like "what is the essence of love making if nothing is happening". Let him know that you are making love not having sex. Your husband is broken but he is projecting in a negative way. Let your conscience leads you to do the best. Ride with him or leave without insults.
Praying for you. No more 3rd party for now. Deal with it with love. The more he withdraws, the more you seduce him. Help him bring back his confidence. Save your man, marriage, happiness before looking for a child. Marriage should be for love not for children. Children are the beauty of marriage, YES but marriage is MAN and WOMAN. Be strong!
Zikora you're so full of wisdom & may God bless you mightily for this advice, poster please take it. May God restore your home poster.
Deleteyou have said it all.God bless you
Delete@zikora your marriage with or without a kid will be a huge success because God has given you the wisdom to carry you through. @poster all the advice you need is embodied in this comment. Nothing more to add.
DeleteWise words Zikora. It takes a good woman with wisdom to build a remarkable home.
DeleteIf it were the woman who was barren, would you give the husband all these Godly advice? Hypocrites everywhere!
DeleteOMG!!!! Zikora God will continue to bless your home
DeleteAbi ooo,i'm sure this Zikora is a man,they can like to justify themselves in every situations but if it was a woman wearing the shows now the advice will be different
Delete@anon16:47...thank you ooo
DeleteThank you Z. You have encouraged me. Our prayers have been answered and manifestation will follow. We must carry our babies. God bless you.
DeleteGod bless u Zikora
DeleteAnon 16:47 God bless you. Don't mind the hypocrite. The man was acting up when he thought it's the woman's fault. Unfortunately for him, he's the one with a dead sperm.ntoor. Adviser mchew
DeleteZikora pls are u the same person who advised an ideal mom on how best to make herself productive whilst improving comminications with her hubby whom she complained of not being around but preferred hanging out wit d boys even on a weekend.cos after that, dis is the next best advice I have read and absorb entirely.
DeleteBitter anons calm down there are situations where wisdom is needed. The man knows he is at fault and is living a reckless life because to him there is no need being responsible. People deal with frustration in different ways. While others will come to terms with it and try to manage it, others will go into self destructive mood. The first step is to offer help,support and comfort. If it becomes clear he would not change the poster can take the other options available that you would be happy with. Don't always be in a rush to condemn first.
DeleteI hope your husband did not leave or stay in Edo state at one time, because someone with one ball rape me and that day I place a curse on him. He was a student then.
DeleteThanks everyone for the comments. I am a married woman not a man. You can not because someone messed up, you condemned everyone. If your spirit leads you to advise people do it. It doesn't matter who is a man or woman. We are all human beings and we look for whom to blame in such situations, no matter the love. The first thing women do on such occasions is to tell the man, marry another wife, adopt etc but all are out of helplessness not that they don't believe in their marriage but men will withdraw, battling the demons. People grieve differently. As a man he is dying inside. Help him out of the tunnel. Then when you have tried all you can, you can confidently take a decision with a clear conscience. My advise may not be what you need but your conscience will pick the right ones. With God all things are possible.
DeleteZikora you are just a bloody hypocrite. Did you not hear he is cheating? This is the problem with nigerians. You never advice people to stand their ground. Always about pray and manage. This is how the poor lady died in banana island with her child. This poster needs to have a heart to heart talk with her partner and provide a deadline - if he doesnt change - DROP HIM LIKE A BAD HABIT!
DeleteMaybe I misunderstood the chronicler, but I thought she meant the man gave her attitude because she didn’t get pregnant only for them to discover that he is the one with a problem... or am I missing something?
DeleteGood comment from zikora. Poster, pls you and your husband can go for IVF with two million sperms. You only Need 1single sperm for icsi, don't allow yourself to be confused. Check google for that fact
Delete@Tanya you understood correctly.
DeleteSo now it's the woman who should exercise wisdom bah coz she's not d one with the baggage. Would u offer same advise to a man? And what's the damn meaning of men don't know how to handle cases like this but only women? Very insensitive statement. Wisdom ko wisdom ni. This is rather hipocritical. The man should be better behaved and make necessary adjustments cuz he's putting some1 else thru hell who clearly deserves better. Both of them should give positive energy and make their marriage work. How can a man not know how to Express himself cuz of ego? How does his ego help this case?
DeleteHian!!! It is well
ReplyDeleteHappy Sunday everyone
My dear, don’t mind all these men, just calm down and forgive him, that could be your break through. I have a friend whose husbands problems was solved with the help of drugs, don’t give up on him totally, you will carry your children and to others trying to conceive your men should also get tested, even if you have a problem his may be also adding to it.
DeleteSorry about what you are going through and I hope his family knows that He is the with problem not you
ReplyDeleteI don’t understand, the nerve of him though. Did he tell you about this before marriage and are you sure he blames you or he is just sad about the situation.
ReplyDeleteYour marriage is till young, do not let hate reign supreme. Let his mother talk to him and watch if he changes, worry doesn’t even help situations like this for either party. So you both have to work as a team to make things work for good.
But I thought these tests were part of the one’s mandated even by the church before marriage so why are people discovering serious issues as this one after marriage. Anyway, I pray you both resolve this and work together as a unit.
I dont think fertility tests are part of the pre requisites for marriage.
DeleteGod help you poster...you have to sit down and make a decision.
Decide now if you are ready to weather the storm with him...or not.
I think you both need counselling.
All the best.
What business does a church have with fertility? No church does fertility test.
DeleteChurches only do Genotype, HIV, Hepatitis(not all churches do this) and Pregnancy for ladies.
If fertility test becomes a prerequisite then the purpose of marriage is defeated. It means child bearing is the aim and not companionship.
DeleteLolll@ uncle John. Is like you are from Amrika ba? Why do you think a Nigerian man marries? Companionship? Lmfaaaaaaaaaaaoooo
DeleteLol Anon, your funny 😄
DeleteMaybe that’s why my husband is so not a typical naija man.. though we are both born and bred.. he never cared about not having kids. I was the one that went ‘ God forbid. please don’t say such’ the first time he said, even if we never have kids. He is marrying me for love and companionship...
Funny enough, I took in as soon as we got married and he helped me greatly through a difficult pregnancy and fell straight in love with the baby it that came forth, was and continues t be such a hands-on dad
Poster God still hears prayers.
DeleteI have a family that also had same problem they discovered that j was the man's watery sperm and low count after the years of marriage. He started taking drugs and stop alcohol also became a fervent member and a worker in church after two years his wife delivered a baby girl, that was in 2016,as I speak with you the wife have had another baby baby two weeks ago
Poster God still hears prayers.
DeleteI have a family that also had same problem they discovered that j was the man's watery sperm and low count after the years of marriage. He started taking drugs and stop alcohol also became a fervent member and a worker in church after two years his wife delivered a baby girl, that was in 2016,as I speak with you the wife have had another baby baby two weeks ago
Ur last paragraph is funny...
ReplyDeleteBut how can ur husband be stressing u when he knows he's the one with the problems??...
U better tell his mother what is going on...I think people should start getting a fertility test before marriage.
You have a point but that one would cause wahala
DeleteIf you do the test before marriage, will you leave a man if he has low sperm count or how will you feel if a man leaves you because of fertility ish which is curable? One has to be prayerful. It's only God that can help us.
DeleteDepends on his capability, attitude if I find out before marriage. I would leave him! Of course, it were him and he found out something of such magintude about me, would he say?
DeleteIf he stays, would he constantly remind me of it?
A lot to take into consideration.
Women, use your sense! atleast for once.
Swag lafresh, the test is not to leave each other but to be prepared. You will set aside like 2.5 million for like 3 IVF cycles, instead of that expensive wedding or honeymoon. You will be able to plan your life better. You can use the first year of your marriage to grow your career. Write that professional exam or that Master's degree. You will need a spouse who will be forthcoming and can corporate with you. A "we against the world" kind of person.Pre marriage fertility testing will allow for adequate planning. But many Nigerians will frown upon this because we are generally conflict avoidant. We will be doing "it is not my portion" until the last minute.
DeleteThis is the reason some people wan get belle before marriage.
DeleteSo they don't hear stories that touch .
@Ajebo that wouldn't be the case. Marriage is first for companionship. Its only in this part of the world we make a big fuss out of it. In developed world some couples don't even want to have a child.they just want to be married. If we go by what you have said then everything should be tested including sexual compatibility.
DeleteTell his family everything, their opinion will help you take decision
ReplyDeleteIt is well with your family poster. I think that time has come when intending couples should go for all round test before marriage, maybe the desperate ones won't find need for that. I will always say this one thing, "There is something worse than been single".
ReplyDeleteSeems you guys aint ready sef,
ReplyDeleteWith one good sperm, u r good for ICSI.
And since u are not d one with the problem,go meet man wey go give u belle since u aint ready to go through trauma of ivf as u call it. With d right meds he will knack u belle with one testicle, Men cant handle it when their fertility is under scrutiny,he is feeling bad n defeated...how would u feel if d tables were turned n he told u he aint ready to go for ivf with u? Two years o..two years....ok
He has not started taking the drugs dear.
DeleteIt's as if I wrote this story just that we are ttc for one year.
DeleteI have been weighed down since I saw my husband's results. Though he's ready to go for medications.
I sincerely pray that God shows us mercy.
Anon 17:11 my sister I am in the same shoes too and to make it worst my father in law is already telling my husband to marry another wife not knowing it is his son that has issues
DeleteMen with 2 balls are cheating, One baller is also doing same.... SMH!!
ReplyDeleteQuestion is, did u know 'bout his incomplete scrotum contents b4 the marriage? If you did, ure one architect to your problem, ofcourse a tricycle would take longer to arrive than a car with 4 tyres, if i deliberately take a keke, that means im not in a hurry, but the driver better not piss me off, b4 i change my mind & flag a vehicle on the highway!
Happy Sunday y'all.
Remain blessed.
Thankx 4 all ur wishes/prayers yestrday! & pls an outrageous assumption will be tagging me a foolish Atheist!
Lmao
DeleteI really didn't mean to laugh after reading dead and water but this one did it
God forgive me but I nearly choked whilst laughing at the keke analysis 😂😂😂.
DeletePoster you see this ttc journey? No 2 journey is the same & no one can explain better than the people involved. Before I start, unless you are not ready to walk that walk with your husband, kindly refrain from statements like "dead and watery sperm" words are powerful and can kill or bring alive. Medical reports are one thing...God taking control and causing the sperms to become productive can also lie in the pronouncements BOTH of you make. I've seen men who drank all sorts yet the results kept getting bad with each test so keep hope alive and help the dude sho gbo?
Is he ready to accept that there's a challenge and that he has to rise up to the occasion? Is he willing to drink any drugs prescribed with all his heart? Is he ready to go for all the tests the doctors will call for?
If he's not then babe prepare to make a stand and a choice. There's nothing more dangerous than a man with ego especially a man who has fertility issues...any girl can spring out of nowhere and hang a bastard on his neck and egbon will accept with shinning teeth because that will vindicate him in the eyes of the world and he won't mind paying the price of "knowing" accepting another man's child from a mistress.
It's always easy to believe that it's only the women that can bear the cross of ttc...and tomorrow we will be labeled weaker sex 😩.
For the sake of your marriage and the love I'm sure you have for him, pray for him that he will rise up to the situation. He's current attitude towards the issue will not help anybody so sit him down and get that point across to him. Tell him you're ready to support him on this journey BUT he has to pull his own weight and STOP the blame game...he ain't fooling nobody with that. It's 2 years and he's already seeing red? Tell him some men waited more years and they didn't die and yet had their own children with their own wives (not in anyway saying 2 years delay ain't stress but he shouldn't behave as if all hope is lost)
There's no big deal in taking fertility drugs and going for sperm analysis...small mastubation shikina! The same wanking they do with playboy mag and porn is it to do it for a sane reason that someone will start having hangups towards?
This too will pass believe me it will and we all will be here when you send in your LRD 😙
My sister, I’ve been there! I got married to this immature guy, and right after the marriage he called me and said if neither of us is able to get preggy, it’s me! And I was wondering how he arrived at that conclusion. Meanwhile before the marriage, he went for a sperm test and the test showed 95% of his sperm cell are dead! Unfortunately for me, I didn’t seek a medical advise to know what that means. Na so the guy kept me waiting for 8 solid years, subjecting me to all manner of ridiculousness! He hits me at will that am the one that can’t conceive. Not until a member of our church took us to a specialist somewhere in Ikorodu and the doctor told him hoha that all his sperm cells are all DEAD! He said to him to free me Cos he can’t ever father a child! I wasted 8 years of my life with that idiot! Even after the result, I still want to play good wife, I told him to let’s have faith until he by himself chased me out of the house I’m the middle of the night when he knows too well that I do not have any relation in Lagos!
ReplyDeleteLong story short, we parted ways and after 1.5 years of begging him to go back, he sent me the divorce stuff and I signed it. Just 2 weeks after, God Connected me to a guy in Canada, he paid my dowry and I joined him. The same month I got to Canada I got pregnant, to the glory of God now I have 3 kids!!!!
That time waster is till there without a child!!!!!
Jesu Kristi
DeleteHmmm
May God help us all.
8 years is really a long one i really commend your patience but our God is good. God bless your heart and your family hun
DeletePraise Master Jesus!!!
DeleteWomen eating crap in marriage since the days men lived like Flintstones
DeleteHmmm to think you were still begging him with faith. The way I'm so happy as if it's a family member.
DeleteSo if he didn't chase u out, u would have remained in an abusive marriage. You were even begging him to take you back! Chai...women and marriage!
DeleteAunty you tried o! 8 solid years had it been that man calmed down God of all possibilities would have blessed you with children. His loss mehn!
DeleteHembelembe....olololoooooo
DeleteAnony Canada, what did you just write?
Woow Woow wooooooooow
This life is deep indeed.
Chronicle writer you 've heard it all nah, so apply wisdom.
Thank God for your life. Wicked men everywhere. Imagine a man with low sperm count that should be worshipping you. Anyway his bad behaviour led you to your happiness. Because if he treated you well you will still be in that unfruithful marriage jumping from one mountain top to another.
DeleteThe God of a second chance!!!
DeleteUna dey try Oh.....
TankGod for u
DeleteI loved really this.
Deletewow, i am soooooooo happy for you dear. what a miracle. thank God for ya life. i wll definitely do all fertility tests on myself and hubby before we marry.
DeleteMadam he is not the only man on earth,go and have a child of your own,because if you're the problem he will another woman pregnant
ReplyDeleteExactly!!!
DeleteFact
DeleteGod bless you
DeleteGbam!!! He had even already started blaming you and treating you bad before the test result.
DeleteA man with one testicle can still father a child with the right medication. But he must stop drinking, avoid stress before sex and ensure there is no heat the days you make love.He also need to go for natural foods,and try to have snail in his diet.
ReplyDeleteYep! My husband has one testicle (I knew before we married) and we conceived immediately after marriage and we have a son now, will have another baby soon. Its all about following God's plan for our lives.
DeleteOh Lord what happened to the other testicle!
Delete@anon 17:35, we don't know what happened to it. He asked his dad about it and he also said he didn't know (his mum is late). He believes this wasn't so from birth but the question remains unanswered till date.
DeleteIf he took action when it was still 95% and he behaved himself he would have had at least one junior running around the house. See how he used his own hand to scatter his life. Madam, I am happy for how your life turned out.
ReplyDeleteHis own hand to scatter his life 🤣🤣
DeleteMadam, don't put yourself through the IVF process unless he goes for treatment or agrees to use donor sperm. There is nothing wrong with you. They will inject you with all kinds of things that can affect your healthy system. Please learn from anon 15:25 and use your head.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, who are these women sleeping with a broke married man with half prick? Side chicks of these days seem to no longer have standards.
I tell you
DeleteHahahahahahah
DeleteBroke man with half prick.
I always say any girl dating a broke married man is cursed.
I mean what is your gain in the relationship. This one now just one scrotum again and probably weak erection.
1min man.
I don't understand this your comments rara. So as a side chick I am suppose to check how many testes my mugu get or what? See this one ooooh lol
DeleteLmao
DeleteMay God see you through poster.
ReplyDeleteWhat do i do when my man has refused to go for a medical test?..i don talk tire !.He claims that i will give him a baby in Gods time.He is not pressuring me though.. But I jst wanna rule out all doubts..Bvs is there any other way i convince him to go for semen analysis.i dnt wanna involve a third party,because he hates that alot..Any other way?..its been 3yrs
ReplyDeleteHe's not pressuring you because he knows he's the one with the problem.
DeleteAbeg don't be like that woman who wasted 8 years of her life with a FOOL.
If you're the one with problem,dey would have thrown you out in seconds.
Nigerian men are the lowest of scum.
Anon 16:34, men always avoid going for a test if they know that they are the cause of everything
DeleteYou better involve 3rd party. Let me tell you this true story.
DeleteI know of a lady(my friends aunt) married for 20yrs. She was rich even without the husband she was a banker. The woman's husband too never really disturbed her on TTC matter too. But we all pitied her cos she has such a good heart will take us younger ones out during holidays.
That is how this woman after 20yrs left the hubby. Even her parents were angry that see this man that stayed through your tcc. She went away and didn't see her family for months
By the time she came back she came back heavily pregnant. She is now married to someone else now with an additional child.
The ex is still unmarried and without a child.Though a nice man but if that woman remained in the marriage she will still be TTC.
I'm not saying your hubby has a problem. But he has to do test, don't sleep and wake up in 10yrs time. Learn from this story
He has a problem and he knows it. He hates 3rd party? Madam there are issues that DEFINITELY calls for a 3rd party and this is one of them. It is this same 3rd party that will make your life hell if anything happens.
DeleteGo and do all the necessary tests, have the results, call him and show them to him and demand that he does same. Why are you afraid of him? This issue also affects your life. How old are you? You want to wait until menopause knocks on your door? Why should you tarry with someone who is not open with you? You don't even know where you stand! Look for someone that he respects and invite the person if he doesn't bulge and if he refuses to get proactive then you know where you stand and that can help you to make a more informed decision about your life and how you want it to be.
Tank God for my own..I don't want to tell my story so peep won't feel am using style to beg..but if I tell u my own story@poster u wld tank God for urs
ReplyDeleteIt is well with you
Delete@jelly I say a BIG AMEN o..tanx dear
DeleteYou can tell the story without begging.
DeleteNA wa, see why i dey fear marraige. A man with one testes and u don't know before marraige? I will really like to see a man with one testes sha.ll lol Poster go back and look at the post with the marriage tips. It will help.
ReplyDeletegood you now know that the fault is not from you, is he still carrying soulder for you?
ReplyDeleteThe best is to ask God from the onset before even dating. If to go ahead with relationship. Men hide alot. Don't go and invest in wahala.
ReplyDeleteWill God tell you ,he has one testicle?
DeleteSo this man, even with his one testicle never for once thought he might be the problem?
ReplyDeleteThis is the fault of our society where the woman is first of all blamed ‘before any other thing’...
Lol your comment killed me and do you know from the onset my instinct has been telling me he is the one with the problem because he has a very low sex drive but when I told him to go semen analysis before the doctor ordered him to he said it can’t be because his mother didn’t go through fertility treatment before giving birth to him. Because of his fucked up yoruba mentality
DeleteMay God bless ur home with babies Amen
ReplyDeletePatience poster. If you're still interested in the marriage, try to work it out. Miracles happens everyday. I know This! Your husband is scared and might be taking out the frustration on yo u. I think he knew a long time ago that he might be the cause for the delay. Please try to work it out
ReplyDelete