STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LIVE IN LOVER BEFORE MARRIAGE
Dear Stella,
Please I need your advise and that of other BVs.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for awhile and he wants us to get married when things are stable. He wants to set up a business as the salary is not helping and also wants to set up a business for me.
Now the thing is,he just rented an apartment at Ota where he plans to start up his business and mine and wants me to move in with him so we can start life together.I'm not sure I'm ready to move in with him since we are not married but I'm also tired of the idea of working for someone.
I recently enrolled in National open university and my 40k salary plus work pressure is giving me concerns.
Please kindly advice me on what's best to do.I'm 24 and I know it's not ok to stay with a man you're not married to. He is 31, still hustling and wants me to hustle with him then when it gets better we marry.
Distance relationship does not work with his kind of person.kindly Hide my email. Thanks I need advice....
*Hmmmmm,there is no guarantee that he will Marry you if you move in,and there is no guarantee that the business will be business,and there is no guarantee that you wont be pregnant before all these take......Tsk! tsk!! tsk!!!
Dont move in with him until you guys do something....getting married at the registry is not so expensive,you can do that whilst you hustle together!
It is only in Nigeria that one must be a rich man before he attempts to get married....
*Hmmmmm,there is no guarantee that he will Marry you if you move in,and there is no guarantee that the business will be business,and there is no guarantee that you wont be pregnant before all these take......Tsk! tsk!! tsk!!!
Dont move in with him until you guys do something....getting married at the registry is not so expensive,you can do that whilst you hustle together!
It is only in Nigeria that one must be a rich man before he attempts to get married....
I am begging you in God's name not to move in with him dear,if i talk now,some bitter leaf go say na every time i get story,let him do the needful please
ReplyDeleteShe needs to hear that story hopefully it will reset her brain.
Deleteit didnt work for u doesnt mean it'd be same for everyone.
DeleteWell said Stella.
ReplyDeleteOnce you move in with him forget about white wedding/court wedding. Best thing he will do is to pay your bride price after you have dropped two kids, and he knows you are going nowhere cos you have built your life around him.
DeleteBesides all I see here is wishes, no concrete plans
"He said he will" "he wants to" , "he plans to ". Na so una two go dey plan and hope till 10 yrs time.
40k is not too bad besides, which one is that you are tired of working for somebody. All these ego laden statements sef dey vex me.
No be people dey earn 500k under person?
Let him start his own business first, if its successful then you can join in after una marry
I dont see the sense going to live with a man who isnt established, not like he can afford to marry you now now.
And which one is that long distance relationship doesnt work with his kind of person. Is he a sex addict? Abi he wants you at his beck and call always?
Nne think well biko, before you carry abortion finish yourself and in the end una no go marry still.
leave her na, small pikin sense she dey use talk
DeleteRetired Slay queen see eh if you contest in 2019 u fit win. Poster see free sense here for u.
Delete@Stella very good yarn there. You have said 80% of it already.
ReplyDelete@Poster no talk say distance relationship no good for him body, also admit say you like the idea of everyday gbenshing too!
Statistically, 7 or 8 or 9 out of 10 stay together couples, nothing good comes out of the relationship.
Your mind is made up and the final decision is yours.......good luck.
"Life is all about risk"
ReplyDeleteSome risks can produce positive results.... or negative, theres no text book on lifes journey.
You alone know better!
A wise Japanese man said to me... "The only game you lose without getting a chance to play is Taking Risk"
I don’t get the relationship between starting a business and moving in with your man.
ReplyDeleteListen, there is nothing like freedom whether in terms of financials or space. Moving in with this man before your I do’s would just put you at his mercy at all times.
I honestly wouldn’t ask you to move in with him but I doubt most of you take our advice on here. You earn 40k and you’re obviously trying to further your education by registering with NOUN, so why are suddenly lazy about both because a man has made ‘promises’ to you. So let’s say you move in, drop NOUN and the job then the relationship fails, what next?
Darling people do over the ocean and mountain relationships and succeed, Ota is backyard to Lagos that’s if you live in Lagos so leave that distance talk for LAWMA and if you think moving in with him would stop him from playing around if he wants to then you’re joking. You can visit him, focus on building yourself and don’t live in a man’s shadow. I have an 8-5, I go to school everyday after work and I don’t get home till late but because I know what I’d be gaining at the end of it all I com I he to forge ahead and take the stress in. Oh I have a man too and we both have our separate homes and my social life isn’t dead either. Stop complaining and focus.
Nice response!
DeleteExcuses are infinite but we have to forge on. You are 24, young enough to work with full capacity so do it. I would always advice younger people to live by themselves first before moving in with a partner.
I concur with Stella, let the young man marry you at the registry before you move in with him...then the big party can come later when you guys are comfortable. Nice advice Stella nwamama!
ReplyDeleteAll I see is
ReplyDeleteAbortions
Dumping
Sulking angry woman
Suicide/murders
More chronicles
I have cohabited with my bf for a year. No pregnancies, no abortions, no suicide/murders, no sulking angry woman.
DeleteAbout chronicles, well....I have mine like every other person who isn't cohabiting. That's life.
If all you see are the things you listed up there, then you need to wash ur eyes and look again.
@17:21
DeleteAnd he don marry you?
As you dey supply free infected punani and hide under ghost; fake ghost
When you are encountered now, you will claim virginia and holy mantis
In your heart you know you have taken the wrong way
and you want every other girl to tow same line?
Typical.
If he does not pay your dad bride price, it is not marriage
ReplyDeleteYes o
DeleteIf you like register am 1 Morrison times. Ya papa suppose get I'm pay
Kind of in the same situation with the poster. Mine is a little different. I live in the abroad and have my own place. I asked my boyfriend to move in with me as i don't feel comfortable visiting him (he lives with relatives).
ReplyDeleteThe problem is he's movine in next week and i suddenly developed coldfeet. What if it doesnt work out? Feel living with him would make us understand each other better then we can decide to marry or not
My friend you can make that decision and understand him also without cohabiting with him.
DeleteYou think he can't camouflage under the same roof with you?
If you can't understand and trust him concerning the future, if you live stay under his skin it won't change anything .
What is wrong with you people sef?!
You had better follow this cold feet and ask him to remain with his relatives. I have being there , done that and I am amongstvthe percentage that it did not work for which is unfortunately large
DeleteAs long as you are supplying the sex, nothing for you.
DeleteThe brat go chop clean mouth
Hmmmmmm be careful of this abroad, hope it not UK. You will just see you are taking care of a full grown man, bcos you seem to be comfortable. Shebi its you paying all the bills now??? it may continue that way. Because if he had the cash he would have had his own place. I know one that took advantage of a lady like that, to the extent he took over possession of her car. They had a daughter together, she still continued paying bills. Now he's moved on to a richer lady.
DeleteThis guy can come and spend weekends and holidays with you, but don't let him move in.
E for better if you we'r the one even moving to his own house.
Poster ko si oko n ta. If your family knows and trust him then what are you waiting for? If you are ready, tell him you want to do your introduction first before moving in.maturity is the key word here
ReplyDeleteIntroduction is nothing please.
DeleteI know someone that did introduction,she was already pregnant by that time. They were doing long distance because of their jobs, she is in Abuja and the guy is in Enugu.
She was staying by herself but the guys comes to visit. Come and pay bride price and atleast do registry. Different excuses, his grandmother died, his father is sick etc.
Baby girl stupidly got pregnant a 2nd time. Still on this begging to come and do marriage.
Unknowingly to her, the guy had married someone else in Enugu.
She is baby mama of 2 now. Introduction means nothing.
Hmmmm poster listen to stella's advice, do Registry marriage before moving in with any man, it doesn't cost much. You will not get the respect you need even from his family, being a live-in girlfriend. Traditional;/church wedding can come later when there is money.
DeleteAnd forget all those promises of setting you up, until that money/shop/goods reaches your hand. Don't believe just by mouth. You are just 24 so you don't know these men. He will keep promising, that when his biz clicks he will set you up. You will just be a live-in girlfriend not even wife. Satisfying his sexual urge and cook/cleaning.
There are some married women 10yrs in marriage that the hubby promised setting up. in the 10yrs they are still waiting for the''set up''.
Anon 15:22, your mentality is what is killing a lot of women, hope you know that? Saying there are no husbands out there so do exactly what any man asks you to do even if it means compromising yourself and a lot of other things?
DeleteDon't mind the anon, a girl is just 24 and you are saying 'kosi oko nita'.
Deleteshould marriage be her priority in life now? yes she can be in a serious relationship leading to marriage but let her have her education and better job first. 40k cant do much in this economy when kids start coming.
Let the guy do registry marriage if he truly loves her and wants her in his house.
Your advice is on point Stella. But stop that bullshit of “it is only in Nigeria ...bla bla bla”. How many cultures in the world do you know? In fact, in many parts of the world, people don’t marry or give out their children for marriage except they are sure the person has enough. This una Naija mentality of always saying, “only in Nigeria” as if you have transverses every parts of the world.
ReplyDeleteDear poster I repeat DONT MOVR IN WITH HIM.. Stella had said it all, nothing more to add, if you refuse to follow our advice we will be here to read your next chronicles.. Court marriage is less than #20k or you do parlour traditional marriage, then when the business picks up big white wedding!
ReplyDeleteMy dear why don't you have your best interest at heart?
ReplyDeleteIf you move in, you run the risk of reducing your worth at the long run. You then get pregnant, will you abort? How many are you willing to abort in the name of no money? You do wifey duties without a single tag on your head, if he wakes up tomorrow and says I no do again will you kill him? No. Who loses more? You.
My advice is this... His father and an uncle or 2 can pay a visit to your family to formalize their intentions towards you. It won't cost much and will make them respect your dignity and decency in doing the right thing and also gives your family some respect! This is marriage so that tomorrow nobody treats you like a desperado and leech who threw decency to the winds and shacked up with a guy without her father taking a cup of wine on her head.
Then do a court wedding and what you will spend is just the filling fees and depending on your religion do those ones later. If you're a Christian, go inform your pastor and tell him to organize a church blessing for you guys. 10kobo you won't spend. We are the ones who go about incurring unnecessary stress and financial wahala for ourselves.
Then jejely move in with your guy as a married woman and hustle with your husband.
Not advisable moving in with him, but its you choice cos its like your mind is somehow made up
ReplyDeleteThis one get as e be. Whatever you do, do not move in with him to become his live-in lover. The chances he'll eventually man up & marry you properly is very low. Everyone experiences work pressure, find a balance or just resign & find a personal hustle that gives you time.
ReplyDeleteManage, pray & work hard., it'll get better.
Working hard & smart no dey kill person
Familiarity breeds contempt... Free fuck, wife duties, moving in worked for someone I know, they lived together a yr n he married her d following yr, no wasting time...what made it possible was that, d guy works 28days away, 28days time off he spends at home, ur own is, he will be around 24hrs a day, 7times a week...u don become wife on credit.
ReplyDelete@ Poster do not move in with him until he marries you. And you were not clear as to your role in the business. Don't be deceived, there is nothing like starting life together, 2 become 1, blah blah blah until he does the needful. What if he changes his mind later, what is to become of you? Maintain your dignity, have your own crib and continue working towards your future. My hubby also wanted me to move in with him before we got married and I refused. I insisted and made it clear that he marries me first. The only compromise was that I rented a place not too far from him. And my father made sure that the total traditional marriage requirements were as cheap as possible.
ReplyDeleteI moved in with hubby when i was preggy with my baby.After i had my baby we went to d registry and did the trad too.i have a big business he opened for me.we have an open financial system.his money is mine same as mine.we have d usual small small quarrel but he is d best thing ever to happen to me.poster,ur own might not end up like mine so open ur eyes.
ReplyDeleteThat doesn't make it right does it?
DeleteYou know the right thing.
Poster....The ball is your court.....You know him best
ReplyDeleteGetting married at a registry is less than 50k and that includes d rings and rented dress and suit plus a small cake. So, if a man who claims to love u and intends to marry u refuses to do this, shine ur eyes o! Men are careful about marriage and take forever to make up their minds about it BUT they hardly do d same about free sex. There is one who says he is travelling down from d abroad bcos of me soon. He is very welcome. I live alone but I have told him to send money for his hotel booking in advance. Apart from the first meal he will eat at my place when he visits, he will give me money to shop for food items and ingredients if he wants to eat special food. I have also told him "No sex" until after a civil ceremony at least. He was my senior at school whom I hooked up with again on Facebook. If he has a problem with dz my simple rules, I hope he has other oshofree babes lined up in naija else his ticket money na waste. He will also be d third guy in two years that will "gba penalty wo throwing" bcos nothing for any efulefu. No chop and clean mouth for any guy again where I dey. D two guys wey I don dash free toto in d past don do me. Complete ur NOUN programme. Learn a skill and God will bless d work of ur hands. The guy might actually be serious about d biz part and marriage afterwards BUT what if he is also NOT!? U hold the ace girl. Don't give it away cheaply. If ds guy suddenly died or disappeared, wouldn't u fend for urself and marry someone else? Be guided o. #Ourmumudondo
ReplyDeleteAnd when your daughter will take a man to the registry to wed for 50k
Deleteand move in to breed kids, make you no write chronicles o
Please listen to Stella's advice
ReplyDeleteAfter Miracle don finish Nina ponyor (by mutual consent), he now suddenly remembers they are both too young for marriage, that he needs a 9figure account first, that d relationship will naturally sort itself yen yen yen. If Nina had been a mermaid in d house, neither of them would have died. 3months konji does not kill anyone. But Miracle is just a typical male with a willing victim/accomplice. CeeC has attitudinal problems and virginity alone does not guarantee a good marriage but she has shown that opening leg anyhow too is not a virtue. A good man can marry her bcos of that reason alone. Living with a man is not just about sex alone. U can live together without sex if u so agree but it might be difficult. Let everything u do with and for him come from a place of personal conviction and self improvement not just for d sake of marriage. May ur middle name not become HadIKnown and may u not have a reason to send in more chronicles.
ReplyDeleteMan that you will live with and No sex is either impotent/gay.
DeleteIf its for religious reasons, the guy wont even venture the lady living with him. Because this our flesh is weak, especially flesh of men.
All these people chanting do registry marriage,if your daughter signs register and moves into aman' s house, how far?
ReplyDeleteyou dey mind them.
DeleteAnything Stella says is simply re-echoed without thinking.
Stella is only human and can make mistakes too.
Folks should reason like adults.
Why is that anon 17:21 up there proud of cohabitation. U do something wrong and you're proud of it. I pity ur condition, solution is far from u
ReplyDeleteSounds like you just described the guy that nearly ruined my life.
ReplyDeleteRed flags: Ota, 31 yrs, personal business, made same offer to me last year. Are his initials SAF, and is he a tech person? If so run for your life. He's married!
Foolish girl.... Long distance doesn't work with him abi. Just tell him to do court wedding with you and see his response.
ReplyDeletestella was right..in everything she said, poster advises have been given, its gonna be a sin that what you asked for (advice) has been offered in many beautiful ways and you still go ahead and act foolishly. let him who have ears listen. life na once to avoid more chronicles
ReplyDelete