STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
JOINT ACCOUNT AND PAYING THE BRIDE PRICE
Hello Stellalicious,
I know you balling..pls my closest friend is in serious confession right now.i told her about your blog and our chronicle series ...
She asked me to share her story in other to hear others opinion and ascertain she aint making a mistake.
Let me go straight to the point...she has been dating this guy for a year now and recently she found out she is pregnant..they love each other nd all, but marriage isnt on the table based on finance,.She is a working class and earns above 100k, her bf earns above 150k too..but you know the Nigerian economy.
The guy has decided that they should get married because he cant have a child outside wedlock..plus abortion is a no go area for them...
They both decided to open a joint account so as to save for the baby,wedding,and other expenses..
To the main issue, the bf says he will use part of the joint savings to pay her bride price...
he contributes higher than the lady based on the joint account... but her concern is how will her money be part of her bride price?
She insists he should save for her bride price separately,and they should save for the baby and other things separately... that she cannot contribute in paying her bride price..
she is from the eastern part of Nigeria and we are confused if it is traditionally wrong..Or is she just being paranoid..
Because they want to rush things before the bump gets visible..
Pls my friend really needs your advice house.
Is it wrong for a woman to contribute in paying her bride price?
Many Thanks.
*First and foremost,that joint account will cause serious problems between them,let her just relax and let him pay her bride price,use the other for the baby and close that account once it is empty.....CLOSE THAT ACCOUNT ONCE IT IS EMPTY before entitlement mentality sets into it...
Good luck to her...
If they have that joint account for wedding things she has kind of paid her own bride price somehow. Let him save for at least the traditional wedding then after that they do the joint account things.
ReplyDeleteSave for bride price or Wearing?i am not understanding,somebody should please explain to me.In my tribe the bride price is usually not much,sometimes it could be just #200.
DeleteI hope the joint account is only for this and not to be continued?
DeleteTo the topic, I must say she is a selfish, unreasonable person who isn’t ready for marriage, since he contributes more, they can remove the extra he contributes as the bride price, plus not all eastern parts have expensive bride prices. She can speak to her dad and he will agree with his kinsmen on a suitable price (could even be 20k) so there’s no biggy, she should better get married
She isn't selfish because she is not suppose to pay her own pride price.
DeleteA man that can not pay his wife pride price,is that one a man?
This joint account before marriage thing is very dicey.
ReplyDeleteWhile some have done it successfully, others have not.
Brideprice shouldnt be paid from that joint account, you are more or less marrying yourself.
Let me follow Stella to hmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteFollow Stella's advice
ReplyDeleteSince the guy is paying much and she little, what is she afraid of. No be most women dey give money to their husbands to marry them. She should relax and answer her MRS since she refused to close legs.
ReplyDeleteI dont agree on joint accounts ooo because at times love no dey reach where money dey
The guy sef is funny. I don't think its right.
ReplyDeleteTo me oh, I can't and won't contribute a dime to my marriage anything.
ReplyDeleteAm I marrying myself? He's the one marrying me biko.
You are marrying each other. Your bride price, he can pay but other expenses should come from both. A man does not marry you, you marry each other please.
DeleteIndeed, but when there are issues man sends wife to her parents
DeleteHe's the one getting marry to her not her because without him accepting to be her husband the marriage would not hold for your information anon 19:48
DeleteJoint account and they are not married yet?
ReplyDeleteThey’d just rope themselves into a financial war at the end of the day and this would create a strain on their relationship/marriage. They didn’t have to open a joint account because they could have saved separately with a goal in mind - the baby.
The part about bride price payment is now a different thing entirely because the man already feels he is contributing enough and can decide to use his part to do whatever he wants even if it means that her money would be included. She already laid a foundation of a disaster that is about to happen. She should stop contributing and use her personal account for whatever savings she wants to do.
I would have said she should take part of her contribution out of the account but that would only create friction that might affect the relationship. Reason 101 why women should close their legs or use a condom always if they can’t abstain from sex else she wouldn’t have to be rushing to get married when finances aren’t in order. Oh and keeping the baby doesn’t make her better than those who abort. Sometimes it’s for the best.
Keeping the baby makes a woman far better than who opts for abortion and that's the difference between who aborts and who has the knowledge to keep. Ramsay Noah granted an interview and said he does not know his father neither does he know how he looks like, but all knows about him is that he is a white man like his mom told him. He also thanked his mom for not aborting him. Look at him today, the koms only child. What if she had decided to abort him because he had a fling with a white man and he couldn't get hold of thereafter. You can't even start to compare the two. What is bad is bad, keeping a child even if you were raped by 5men is a feat that cannot be compared to abortion.
DeleteThere is a big difference bw keeping the baby and abortion they are not the same. abortion is killing that you do it always doesnt make it right
DeleteMadam doppelganger! Please what did to just say? Can you kindly re-read your last sentence, what were you drinking when you wrote that shit down? A young girl shouldn't be left for you to tutor is groom. You ain't a good role model.
DeleteDoppelganger, I agree with the majority of your statements. I also do not like that the man is already making decisions on the money outside of what was originally agreed on because he put more in, but hopefully everything else goes smoothly for them. As for the baby, their situation is different, they have the financial means to support a child, so they should keep it.
DeleteYes, everyone has sinned in one form or the other so nobody is truly better than the other,but that is not easy for many ppl to understand because they grade sins and in their minds some are worse than others. A child that is going to be born is going to be born, abortion cannot stop any life. The soul will just come through another body. Look at India and China two countries that have participated in abortion to the extreme, are they not the most populous nations today? Anybody who does not know their histories with respect to the girl child would think these nations the ppl just love making babies. Hundreds of millions of fetuses were aborted in these countries and they still have the greatest populations. Abortion cannot stop anything, the soul that must incarnate will incarnate no matter what. So abortion is neither here nor there because it has no power in stopping life, it may delay it, but it cannot stop it.
Sorry but really I’m not sorry I am pro-choice and I said what I said. She is not better than those who aborted because it’s the same sin of fornication they both committed, having the baby doesn’t wipe away the sin and please spare me the bull shit of children who are successful and were almost aborted, I truly do not care as long as it was the woman’s choice.
DeleteWhat I do with my body is none of your business. This is how the society make women keep kids they do not want and aren’t ready for because ‘abortion’ is a bigger sin than the sin that brought about the pregnancy. Marrying someone because they fell pregnant and are trying to deceive the world that they are chaste doesn’t even make a happy home so really tell me what’s the point? Or aren’t there medical abortions? Where the woman is advised to terminate the pregnancy to avoid losing her own life? Stick all your self righteousness up your asses until you teach girls to abstain from premarital sex or the importance of protective sex I would never ever support anyone to marry because they are pregnant.
Leave rape situations out of this, don’t speak on something you’ve never experienced as if it were normal. Most rape victims that keep the baby do so because they are scared that they’d die as society has made them to believe, it’s 2018 there are many hospitals you can have safe abortions in if you genuinely as a woman who would go through the experience feel you aren’t ready and the young girls I tutor are doing just fine thanks for your concern.
As long as people don’t abstain or use protection, they’d get pregnant and have babies they’d later expect the society to take care of for them. I know married people who abort too and I support them as long as it’s their choice. I haven’t asked for a role model award or title, so keep it to yourself my darling.
Anon 18:39 biko who are you and where did you get that thesis/theory from?.
DeleteDoppelgini, thanks for your disastrous statement.
Everyone who indulges in consensual fornication without protection is ready to have a child so abortion is a no-no, even rape doesn't make it acceptable.
Una weldone
Doppelganger, correct!@ your last line.
DeleteMe, I am saying it till tomorrow, "I am an advocate for abortion". It is a best option in most situations.
All sins are sin, there is no greater sin except one which isn't even abortion.
Doppelganger, correct!@ your last line.
DeleteMe, I am saying it till tomorrow, "I am an advocate for abortion". It is a best option in most situations.
All sins are sin, there is no greater sin except one which isn't even abortion.
So in other words doppel, you are saying if one has committed one sin, you might as well go ahead and spend the rest of your life sinning because you are not better than others?
DeleteThat is unreasonable.
When you make a mistake, there is room for atonement, forgiveness and change. You are not condemned to spend the rest of your life committing more sins. you do not pile sins on top each other. It doesnt make you a better person either. So yes, she made one mistake...but is much wiser for not making a more grievous one!
Sparing the life of a child makes her a decent human being, at the very least. That acknowledges that it is wrong.
Not every one can deal with the guilt of taking a life, if you can. Its one thing to sin, involving yourself, and yet another to sin involving someone else.
Oh and keeping the baby doesn’t make her better than those who abort. Sometimes it’s for the best.
Delete@doppelganger my crush, u nailed it as always but needed not include that line. The poster didn't mention she's confused about her choice of man, neither did she say the man is reluctant. She only asked if it is traditionally wrong to contribute to one's bride price all in form of joint venture.
You already answered that perfectly. Pls next time, don't go the extra length.
U still remain my crush.
Liar,this chronicle is not for your friend, is for you.
ReplyDelete...and what is its hers?
DeleteNO, I AM NOT THE POSTER!
...BUT, what if I am? NONSENSE
Whether it's for her or not ,how is that your business.....advice and Waka pass
DeleteOmotoke
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 i just feel like laughing😂😂😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteBefore my husband married me more than ten years ago, we had a joint account with mandate of "either can sign". Once the withdrawal exceeds a certain amount, both our phones are notified via sms.
ReplyDeleteI guess from this account, he paid my bride price and all the expenses of the traditional wedding. I did not care how they were done. He did the running around and the important thing to me is that we are happily married and still in love after ten years. And yes, the joint account is there and growing.
The problem is not the joint account but the personalities involved. Now, you've begun the marital journey with pregnancy . . . mmmmmmhhhhhh
and rushing things instead of learning and planning.
Anyway, thanks for keeping that baby; best decision.
Thank you... I don’t understand what Stella and her people are saying. The man contributes more money to the joint account and the woman is worried that her money is part of it. If that man did not agree to do joint account now, it would have been wahala. We women have too much trouble sometimes.
DeleteDoesnt matter, it means u paid ur brideprice urself...what worked for u might crash hers.
DeleteThere you go@bb
DeleteThanks drln. I don't get stella sometimes.
DeleteThe guy's money is there (even more-except poster is telling lies) so he should pay the bride price from there after all the cash is for the wedding and other tngs.
Ladies, what gives you guys the impression that the guy shld cover d full wedding expenses, is d wedding not for d two of u?
Aunty poster's friend, pls stop creating problems where there's none.
Better still, use filter remove ur own contribution and let him spend his own part on d bride price and any other tng as he pleases.
Joint account already causing issue n dem never marry o....
ReplyDeleteAs in I tire... ..
DeleteOmosexy
Obviously it won't work for them. Scrap it poster
DeleteYou said the man contributes more than the lady on this account naa, ok...let him contribute equally and use the rest for the bride price.
ReplyDeleteWhen they say make una girls close legs, una go open legs dey collect strafing; dey shout "harder, harder, harder!"
ReplyDeleteUna no sabi economy hard so?
No belle don show, una no wan make we see am say una strafe before wedding?
Who is the deceiver and who is the deceived?
All these girls!
Hahahahah will you kempt
DeleteShe’s marrying herself na . Just like most them these days wife for mouth
ReplyDeleteI concur Stella. Joint account ke. That is serious meme o. She would understand what we are saying by the time she don marry proper. True colours go show
ReplyDeleteSome people sucessfuly run a joint account. My parents do and sometimes, they even forget. It depends on understanding. You should know your partner before certain commitments.
ReplyDeleteThat said, igbos take bride prices very very serious so I get your friends point. Maybe the man should just save a percentage separately for the payment of bride price for peace and satisfaction
Hmmmmm....
ReplyDeleteI wish to first inform you of the saying: "what matters do not count and what counts do not matter."
ReplyDeleteThe deed has been done and I do not wish to cry over spilt milk. So, I will air my candid opinion like always.
The lady should not allow pedestrian thought patterns and conventional ethos to influence her in making the wrong decisions. She should be guided by two things: rationality and conscience, because these two can rarely ever lead to a wrong choice.
As for me, being also a South Easterner, I'll advise she allows the man do what he's wanting to do, as I see nothing wrong with it. Who cares how the dowry was gotten, whether it be borrowed or it was saved up for, or if it was a grant? The question that is most pertinent will be: 'were the marriage rites performed'?
The Lady seems to be one so engrossed with the prevalent 'my money, your money' syndrome, and that is a very negative mindset to have going into a marriage. She should try to adjust before entering marriage, because it could be detrimental.
Most importantly, is she sure this man and her are compatible, or is she just wanting to get married because she is now pregnant for the man? If the latter is the case, then you know what usually follows such unions.
#Love#Peace
Bia madam poster make sure your friend or you as the case maybe read this.
DeleteMonsieur you're blessed jare.
A marriage of "my money your money" is just going to be riddled with deceit and lies. So the earlier you realize that 2 are becoming 1 the better for you.
Who cares where the bride price money came from as long as it wasn't stolen? He will be making the bulk contribution so what is the ish? He's just going to take a token to pay for the dowry so what is your problem gan gan? I don't understand you honestly.
Poster please kindly ignore all the other comments here and accept this one alone.
DeleteSee how some of these women are already insulting your darling husband over something as petty as this. Some of them are extremely unhappy and wish every female around them to be as unhappy as them too.
Having said that, who cares where the money for the bride price came from? I'm Igbo and I know that the bride's parents do not inquire into the source of the bride price?
You trust your fiancee so much as to open a joint account with him. You've said it yourself that he contributes more than you. You're already pregnant and your tummy grows bigger by the day.
So why on earth would you want to destroy a future, wonderful marriage over something so petty. Ask yourself , is it really worth it?
Kindly allow your man to do what he wants. When you get married, if you're not comfortable with the joint account, you can stop it.
But for now, don't allow the Devil use you.
not all men are good with joint account thing o! just stand against it before you write another chronicle.
ReplyDeleteThings are really happening. Please I'm on my knees don't ever open a joint account with your to be husband, it will eventually cause problems I mean serious problems in the near future. I also like the idea of her not contributing to her bride price as in who doesn't that?
ReplyDeleteMy dear it's wrong for u to pay for d things in d marriage list with your money, let him pay that with his personal money then u can support him in other aspects of the marriage. And for d joint account I no too gbaduam o.
ReplyDeleteBiko strike joint account from your minds!
ReplyDeleteI repeat, strike joint account from your mind.
Instead both of you should decide how much you both will contribute to the the house
maybe you take care of food and nepa bill while he pays rent and schools fees.
That way, you have control of whatever money that enters your account, and can save small thing for your self.
Dont go and be forming financial equality with him please
Besides since both of you are earning above 250k, the cash crunch will not bbe much
Contribute your own quota for the wedding, but do not include bride price biko.
The guy is cunny
ReplyDeleteThey shouldn't open any joint account
He should pay her bride price and marry her properly first before they start discussing about joint account
Money dividing families tey tey, una jus dey start. If una no understand unaselves before the marriage, na for after?
DeleteThe problem with marriages this days is the parties involved want to be one but every action they take is always separate and selfish. I have been married for 18years and have a joint account with a wonderful woman I call my wife. Let me give you my humble advice. You have started well with the joint account it will either strengthen or weaken your relationship. How? The issue you have raised here is a Non issue. Are you going to tell the whole world on your wedding day that your bride price was paid from your joint account or just be happy it's paid according to tradition. People talk to much about their relationship to outsiders these days instead of talking with their partners. What you just gave now is what my son calls TMI...too much information about a private matter. The joint account is for your joint family projects in the home which is starting off with the wedding ceremony. As Long as your bills are paid and the family aim is achieved why rock the peaceful boat. Now I guess you tell everyone who cares to listen and when they start disrespecting your husband you come back crying not realizing you opened the gate to insults to your husband and family. Abeg let him pay as long as it's from a legitimate source who wants to know. People are just too materialistic and money conscious in relationships and that's why a lot of couple end up with scammers.
ReplyDeleteA million likes to your comment sir. God bless your home.
DeleteDear Poster, if you don't tell people about it, nobody will know. I don't think you trust him enough and that's not good for "about-to-wed couples". I believe you are not ready for a joint account yet but since you both have decided to have it, then leave it. Please tell your man how you feel about him using the money for your bride price if it bothers you so much. Tell him in a way that he will see reasons with you. Be calm about it please.
Dear Poster's Friend, yes your friend is being paranoid. Nothing wrong with the man's decision, she just doesn't trust him.
But why will the husband be insulted if he is doing the right thing a man should do?
DeleteLazy men everywhere, gone are the days when men worked hard to provide for their families.
Now they are more interested in splitting wedding bills with their WIFE TO BE.
A man who looked after his family and does the right thing will not be insulted. How much is it to pay bride price and fund a wedding?
So all his life, he has not saved anything to marry wife.... Shameful.
Enter your comment...nawa I don't think is a good idea
ReplyDeleteThe joint account has already been opened (unwise decision) but if you revolt now, it can lead to more postponement and belle is swelling, its you that isn't willing to be a baby mama or have an abortion so swallow this one.
ReplyDeleteJust reason in your mind that its his share he paid bride price with and you guys jointly paid for the wedding and baby together. After the wedding, find a good excuse to discontinue the joint account to avoid future problems.
Wise as a serpent,gentle as a dove. God bless your home.
I had an abortion yesterday and i feel bad about it. The pregnant was 4 weeks old.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't ready for a baby cos I'm not working and made the mistake of not using pills after sex.
The cramps i suffered from yesterday, i thought i was going to die.
My mind was playing tricks on me in the past telling me I'm not fertile that was why i was careless. This is the first time I've been pregnant even though I've been sexually active and I'm almost 30.
I've asked for forgiveness from God.
Just want to pour out how i feel. Judginas who have never committed any sin should come under my post and do the needful
My dear you are not alone. Mine I took drugs and still got preggy it was never intentional and the man in question didn't want the child. I cried and cried I felt so dirty before God but after that I embarked on a fast and prayer through out a month I cried to God to forgive and guess wat I woke up one morning and I felt peace upon me I knew I was forgiven.....am in my mid 20's and I always thought and asked why I never got preggy and when I did my eyes opened.ask God for forgiveness and never make this mistake again.God listens.let he who has never sinned be the first to cast the stone.... i should have been giving birth this month anyways
DeleteBabe we cant judge you, but at almost 30 shouldn't you be dating a man that you are looking to marry ?
Deletefor you to be straffing without condom means its a serious rltshp right? so he too doesn't have a job or what ???
I don't think a lady close to 30 should be aborting, when you are not a smallie in school.
Anyway its your choice, better than birthing a child you will see as a hindrance.
Don't trust all that fertile and non fertile days thingy,you are not a baby, shit happens. Its married women that can take such risk.
Don't let any man force you into ''I don't like condoms'' shit. A man that doesn't like condoms should be ready to marry incase shit like this happens.
Learn from your mistakes and stop letting men ride you, the same man can later term you too old or too many abortions to marry you. Be selfish in relationships and think of only yourself and your needs. Men aren't loyal like that.
E-hugs
Babe, your advice makes sense but don't think every gal that gets preggy didn't use protection.in some cases you do and it get torn or bursted,you take preventive measures and it still clicks and then the man changes mouth.so wat do you do?cos your almost 30 you will turn to a single mother?do you know what it takes to be a single parent and take care of a child? Don't think every one is stupid life has a way of teaching us lessons even when we think we can never be found in certain situations
DeleteJoint account as what exactly. ..because from the chronicle they are not married. That joint account should be off the table.
ReplyDeleteThe man should do what is right, I don't care if he borrows the money.
Aunty wey get belle, since there will be no next time, please advice your sister (if any) not to get belle before the man pops the question.
My dear I am from the east, bride price to us is a serious something. Cant he save separately to pay for it, why must it come from the joint account.
ReplyDeleteI don't like the way it is sounding, we Igbos have pride.
Let him use money from elsewhere to pay it, it is not like it is even expensive sef.
From somewhere should he steal, so if he is earning 150k and is already contributing100, he should kill himself because of a selfish bride. I am also from the eastern part and mine was 50k so what do you mean by it’s expensive, it’s not in all cases, even the Imo state sef they claim is expensive still doesn’t affect everyone, abi capenter no Dey marry?
DeleteUntil people learn to be independent in thought, they are ever bound to be repugnantly docile. How can the society teach you how to live as an adult when you have 'rationality' and 'conscience'?
ReplyDeleteWorse still, some who will claim to be Christians will not even want to know the biblical position of things before taking a decision. They'll rather allow their aged grandparents tell them how to live than them being conscientious, by allowing the Spirit of God do the directing.
Yes, people may have their own experiences dealing with certain issues, but it should not be a yard stick for making your own decisions, because your situation is unique with different individuals involved as opposed to the previous experience. You are only expected to pick the highlights and see how they may affect your situation, not adopt the whole strategy employed in tackling the prior experience.
#Just trying to make a point, though uncoordinated.
#Love#Peace
I have been married for 20 years. I have a joint account with my hubby. I make twice his yearly take home. I recently started keeping money aside because my husband is financially irresponsible. I only put in enough to cover bills and everything else l keep now because my child will be college bound soon.
ReplyDeleteI work very hard but he is the one wearing Rolex and expensive 250 dollar colognes. I don’t even own a Rolex.
Nne, close the joint account after the wedding. But, if he is financially responsible, you can leave it. It’s akways good if both people are on the same page.
My dear hoard some of ur cash o.
DeleteThis are d issues.
I have a joint account with my husband because I'm not working,but taking care of our kids...I love you my husband for your understanding!God bless you.
ReplyDeletePoster....better love with your eyes wide open.....I don talk my own
ReplyDeleteAbortion happens both naturally and by medical means so I wonder why people would want to judge others who opt for it?
ReplyDeleteMy dear, leave these people alone to act like they don’t know these things. Nigerians, judge people for every and anything even when they are usually worse than the devil. Don’t abort don’t abort, in a few years time of this poster comes back to beg for school fees or mention she is a single mother they’d pounce on her with insults meanwhile they are urging her that doing a quick wedding is better when they are already having issues even before.
Delete@ Doppelgänger— very apt!
DeleteI’m just up to my neck tired of the unending cycle
Joint account only when you are married abeg. marriage must not be expensive, do strictly family and few friends. let him pay ur bride price and do your court. you guys earn over 250k jointly, that is still manageable i must say.
ReplyDeleteI have a joint account with my husband before marriage and we are 9 years together now, the account is still on but I stopped putting money after he was promoted about 3 years in our marriage, I still collect money for the family upkeep.
ReplyDeleteIs it just the bride price that's the issue or the whole wedding activities cause if he starts saving for the whole wedding activities your pregnancy might show which you dont want but den again I see nothing wrong with using money from the joint account or better still let him remove his own part of the money and use since it's a quick wedding
ReplyDeleteI think what the poster wants to ve advice on is whether it is right in the Ibo tradition for her money to form part of bride price. Don't think she has issues with him using the money for other wedding stuffs neither does she have issues with the amount
ReplyDeleteDear poster I'm not ibo so I don't but for me u should know ur hubby so well to do the needful