Na wah!!!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
EMOTIONALLY DETACHED HUSBAND
I have been in a critical situation for quite a long time. I have drop a chronicles of how my hubby went intimately on his niece,the advise from fellow bvs helped me but now I helpless.
I am 5 five years in marriage with 2 kids we cant manage to afford 3 square meals and my hubby no longer feels anything for me as in zero affection, admiration and intimacy. He has gone silent on me and now I can't even tell if he cheats or not.
Though my mind still tells me he still meets with the niece since she now lives separately. I confided in my parents and detailed them of my situation but my father refused to meddle and my mum said I should find a way to cope that she can't take care of me and the kids even if I want to come and stay with them.
They made me believe that my problem in marriage is not ordinary and should pray about it. I was short of words and i am confused on what next to do.
Hubby doesn't beat me. I thank God for that. But his feelings for me has vanished ,he doesn't give me money for my up keep or show any affection and we have only had s§x 3 times this year.
He refused to sponsor me so that I will learn handiwork at least to keep myself busy. I am tired his attitude and its frustrating me and i don't know what to do... Please I need advise.
*What kind of advice do you need?....you sound like you depend on your hubby for everything,that can be frustrating...Most men who are married to wifes who act like baggage switch off like this sooner or later....
Your hubby sleeps with his niece and it seems he doesnt wanna stop...isnt that a curse already?And you are still complaining of him not gbenshing you....?My dear,forget gbenshing and try to sort yourself out....If you have lost him emotionally,then have a plan B before he walks out or walks you out...
I hate when parents try to tell their children to manage the marriage. Na wa.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, just try and look for something to do in the meantime. Since he has lost interest, you too loose interest join.
You would have preferred if he had raised hands than this you are going through. My dear seek help from relatives who can help with money to start doing something
Madam, you are not helpless!! Realest this to yourself!!!
DeleteYou are not helpless! Yes, all the people that should support you, uplift you and empower you have disappointed you but you are not helpless! Your focus now should be to gain some financial independence. As gross and taboo as your husband’s actions are- I would suggest you take your eyes off it and off him, forget about sex (in fact you should be grossed out by him trying to have sex with you but that is just me) and focus on making something of your life
Use your data to search for empowerment schemes. Join women FB groups, most offer empowerment programs, churches too do. Learn whatever is being offered and set out to hustle. Yes, the start up might be small but with God, you can sell pure water and make it in life!!
Harden your mind and face yourself! You can make it and when you do, remember to tell your story so no one of them will come and take the glory.
Again, YOU ARE NOT HELPLESS, do not let anything make you out to be!!
Stella this is the best advice of the year. You hit the nail right in the head.
ReplyDeleteI don’t even have advice, dear Lord please do not tempt me with a man like this cus I will fail and leave the marriage. Just keep praying as I don’t have what to say
DeleteWith everything u wrote, u are still thinking of s*x😓😓
ReplyDeleteU should get a job so u can care for urself and children and forget that ur horseband
No, let her continue waiting to have sex on an empty stomach.
Deletehahahahaha so you dont know that sex is sweet.
DeleteHave you seen where mad people make love?
Really, how does it look like
DeleteMy sister i tireoooo,ordinarily when i am nroke i dont even think of sex talkess of this your problem and you still remmeber sex..Mtshewwwww,you dont have problem..
DeleteShe is a humanbeing that also needs love, affection and intimacy. She probably still loves her husband too despite his behaviour. This is so sad. To worsen the situation she has no money of her own. Her self esteem has taken a major hit. Please anyone who can help empower, counsel and pray with this woman should try to do so. She needs a switch of mindset and to love herself. Right now she needs a lot of encouragement and love. Poster love yourself and remember you are precious in Gods' Eyes.
DeleteI'm concern as to why your parents have decided to neglect you in this kind of sensitive situation and your husband sleeping with is niece,is that not a taboo?
ReplyDeleteThis is so complicated and honestly I don't know why you're still interested in him,i mean I can forgive my husband cheating on me but with his own blood? That's a no no for me. It is well with you madam.
Didn't I say it before that this is sexy daddy. Guy,you can pretend to be woman but you are that ofe Oha guy.
DeleteSoon everybody will realise the truth.
If anyone should help you, it is:
ReplyDelete1. Give you money to begin a small scale business
2. Help you with your English; you did not tell us your level of education because that has a lot to do with the kind of businesses you can venture into.
Above all, pray for God can still do all things.
Na everybody go school to do business. Forget that thing oooo my bros are all prospering in their chosen business. Leave english and help her if you want to, dont use that as a condition
DeleteThe way some parent want their children to die put in marriages is surprising. Don't worry they will be the first to complain about her not opening up when she die of depression.
Delete@Yori
DeleteYou sef go school so?
Kai, you no fit read o
Im say without school you no fit do business?
It is "kind of business", I read there.
Ok, you wan tell us say ya brothers dey do well for biz without school.
When SDK go say "crayfish" now, you go dey dive like super eagles goalkeeper
wey them shoot penalty give.
na wah o
ReplyDeleteSleeps with his niece, hmmmmm,that alone is a spell. Poster, your marriage needs a spiritual cleansing. Look for a good pastor and also pray feverntly for a divine favour to locate you so that you can keep yourself busy.
ReplyDeleteEvery thing una go dey look for "a pastor",
Deletena so una dey carry chronicle full everywhere
we go dey read am so oooo
Instead of looking for God, it is look for pastor
DeleteIf u were my daughter, i would bundle u out of that house..beats me how parents would allow their daughters suffer in a man,s house, did i give birth to her to come n suffer in this world?
ReplyDeleteCant u report to d mother of d niece?
Shine ur eye
Are u sure she is his niece? Was he the one that told u she is his niece....hmmm just thinking.
ReplyDeleteGood question dear. How are u sure??? My dear you better forget sex matter!! Engage yourself in something to epp your kids.
DeleteGo and look for something doing, even if it's frying akara, snacks or pure water don't just sit down and be waiting for someone to feed you or are you a lazy Nigerian? I worked for more than 5 months no salary but I struggled to pay for a 6months catering school...
ReplyDeleteSome women become mentally and physically helpless when they get married. Cannot think, cannot work, cannot do anything for themselves.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't learn any skill before saying yes to a man? Why expecting your parents to fend for you and 3 kids should you leave your husband's house?
Please, women, sit up!!!
Thank you.
DeleteThe first thing some women do when they become of age is to MARRY. Okay you didn't go to university/poly, when you finished WAEC, what were you doing with your life before meeting this man ???
You didn't see tailoring,hairdressing or catering to learn. You just got married and started producing kids.
I finished school at 21 and got a job 1year after service, it was just a small job till I got smthn better. That 10mths I used in searching for job, marriage was far from my mind or my parents mind. Our primary concern was job, then you can now grow your career and start thinking of marriage.
No woman goes into marriage empty now, you ought to have a job/business and some savings. Imagine a man starving me and determining how I eat.
Even femi otedola that is a billionaire, his wife has a business, "garment care".
All these rich mens wife have salons, shops etc. No one seats home all day again, even if the money they get there is chewing gum money, atleast it is their's.
Nigerian youths are lazy.
DeleteHaba, do we also wait until Buhari includes married women as lazy Nigerians?
What I am about to say now is not directed at the poster. I'm just saying this generally. Like you know how some ladies go about forcing a guy to marry them, nagging for ring , trapping a man with pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteFinally, you win and he marries you. In your heart you know he never wanted you. You can take a horse to the stream but you cannot force it to drink. When he starts acting out, na so so complain complain as if you did not know or you thought that what exactly will change??
Just 5 years and all this is happening. Wow! Where did the love go? But your parents not wanting to hell you is what I don't understand. Is it when they're called to come and carry your corpse tomorrow (after your enemies die of depression and frustration) that they will be happy? Well, I'm not blaming them here. And your husband sleeping with his blood, is that not sacrilege? Nawa. Thank God there's no case of DV so no need quitting. It's up to you to make yourself happy.
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion is:
* Don't give up on that marriage. Do all you can to save it.
* Since you don't have a handwork yet, just look for a job no matter how small. Already, that going out everyday will help ease your burden rather than sitting at home doing nothing.
*Perhaps from the little money you make, you can make yourself look good (incase there's a physical change). Bring back that spark he saw when he married you. Don't tie wrapper at home. EVER!
Marriage is work. I may not relate to your situation propely even though I'm married, but try and make it work. If for nothing, your peace of mind.
Good luck.
LOL, dont give up on which marriage?
Delete'scuse me ma'am, what kinda dumb advice is this?
A man knacks his blood relative and you tell the woman to look good for him
shioor! biko who has self esteem for sale?
Some people need it in truckloads.
Madam slay whatever, if you think I'll trade insults with you, then you must be new here.
DeleteYour generation needs that self esteem more. You think marriage is for kids? Read and understand the post. If you don't understand what I typed up there, keep scrolling down.
i hate hearing this dont tie wrapper bullshit...how many women tie wrapper accross their chest at home these days?
DeleteMy concern here is that while the household is facing financial strife the majority of your letter is focused on your husband's lack of affection and sex. I understand that we are all wired differently, but not being able to properly feed yourself and your two young children to me would be the BIG issue. You did not state the ages of the children, if they are in school or not. I will implore you to take your mind off your husband and his wandering dick and focus on how you will provide for the innocent children you brought into this world. Surely, do you need the dick inside of you that is also used to service your niece, let's get real woman, why would you want such in you? How could you even feel good being with a man who commits incest with his own niece. Let us always have some standards in life.
ReplyDeleteGo to a charity or nutrition focused NGO if there is an immediate need for food in the home. You can also look into charities that offer free skill training if you need training, you don't need his money to uplift yourself, you need desire, focus, and drive. Start job hunting or start up a small business of some sort to get money rolling in. As you are a regular BV you will see all the posts for business ideas, some don't even cost much to initially invest in. While your parents are not able to accept you back home because their financial state does not allow it, perhaps your mother would be able to provide you a small loan to help with starting up something, or your mother can help with babysitting if they live close enough. You have to start thinking about survival for you and your children. Your husband and his feelings about you and where he chooses to put his dick is the least of your worries. You need a source of income, maybe even two sources so that the children do not become malnourished.
Also, I do not like the air of helplessness and dependency in your letter, as though someone has to always come to your rescue or provide the path and lead you down it for you to do anything. This world is not for the lazy or those who want to take it easy. You have to be brave and have fire in you to conquer this life. As a mother, your children should already be the motivation to push you to better yourself and create a good life for them. Find the fire in you and push through life. Nobody is coming to rescue you and lead the way, you have to do the work to get the reward. Even your parents cannot do anything for you, this should be an indication to you that you have to put your big girl panties on get it together!
I didn’t even read comments and I said practically the same thing!!
DeleteWomen are the ones that make men feel that they are the world and beyond. A man treats you with such disdain and you’re still doing ‘my husband’ when you have children to worry about...smh
You have said it all
DeleteThank you anon 15:58, I actually thought I was the one writing. Poster read and take this advice ☝🏼. Worry about yourself and children and forget fuck! It is NOT food.
DeleteThank u ma !!! U hv said it all
DeleteGod BLEEESSS you Anon 15:58! You've said it all.
Deleteforget about sex please. so you want to fuck the abominable prick?? Hmm That should be the least of your worries.
ReplyDeleteYour parents are wicked sha. So they can not assist you financially to start a business?
Okay. Can't you sqize money from your horseband? Try everything you can madam. If go no go, find one corner and start
frying acara and yam.
Start making akamu and sell
Babe shame no dey when it comes to huslling except you just want to be at the mercy of your oga that is busy giving his niece head.
Wait, you people cant afford 3 square meals a day
ReplyDeleteHe is in an incestuous relationship with his niece
And you still want him. O Chim!
Woman what is wrong with your hands that you cant fend for yourself?
So if he doesnt give you food yiu no go fit chop
If he doesnt sponsor you, you no go learn handwork?
My dear start from cleaning people's houses. If you can get 3 people to pay you 10k a month, thats 30k.
You can do moi moi, pancake, buns, akara whatever,just do something!
I hate it when women depend on men for the air they breath
It gives room for too much nonsense!
My husband this my husband that
Dont you have something else to live for?
You have too much time on your hands and that is why you are busy counting the days he has made love to you.
Biko get up, look for something to do, be independent, and then you can decide whether you wanna continue in the marriage or not.
So if you leave him now, you will still go back to your mother abi?
Tueh!
Nigerian girls are probably some of the dumbest in the world, their whole ambition in life is marriage.
ReplyDeletewhy did you marry with zero plans or any personal success or achievement???
you're an adult woman with two kids, your parents are done with their job, do yours! take responsibility and take care of your kids.
your husband is not your father, all you will want to be feminist yet you want man to give you pocket money, feed you and pay all your bills when you're not sick or retarded.
if you dont have a job and a source of income, why get married, some marry jobless and husband sponsors and caters to them financially but that shouldn't be normal.
adults should behave like adults, women should have more plans for life other than marriage!
marriage should not be the only goal of a woman. you have brain and two hands use it.
infact write a business plan even if it is one page, I will support with 30k and I'm sure if you're thinking in that line you won't be sending this pathetic bullshit.
U really hit the nail.100likes!! Thanks for helping her too😘😘😘😍😍
DeleteYou are still sexually attracted to a man who sleeps with his niece? You both are Yaba left Candidates. Just look at what you are worried about...his lack of affection and the number of times u both have been intimate this year...
ReplyDeleteWomen should learn to be independent. No matter how small, fnd something to do. Purewater by the road side, recharge card, sale of cooked rice etc and find a way to take your kids out of that toxic environment. May God help you.
Gbam!!! How can you still live with a man who was sleeping and like you suggested, is still sleeping with his niece??? I hope you don't have daughters and I pray for your sake that he spares them. Mumu.
DeleteLet me speak on this.
ReplyDeleteMadam married woman, I have questions for you first before thinking of giving you my own piece of advise.
1) what was your security( investment wise, job, trade, and what have you) before targeting "marriage"?
2)Did you think marriage is an escape route or a channel to escape responsibilities? Or did you think the man is the only carrier of responsibilities while you just be a baby making machine?
Now, to my advise, whether he sleeps with his cousin or niece or nephew isn't your problem at this juncture. Or do you think by having sex is the only way to demonstrate love to a lover? Ask from those who patronize motels, hotels, and co. I'm sure their response will answer you.
Go get yourself a job and stop being a burden to those aged parents of yours who did everything to get you where you're now. Go get a work life and give them the dividends of having to have served you when they were your age decades ago doing the same job as training you. Go and learn a trade madam and pick up yourself from where you're. Are you one of those lazy youths our presidents referred to? I'm blunt.
You are just popping kids with no value to add to your marriage. You're a baggage and guy is tired of you.
ReplyDeleteLadies have something doing before you get married some will not hear now she's helpless and some men capitalize on this cause they know you have nothing and it baffles me the way some parents will be telling their children to endure a marriage that's emotionally and mentally abusive..Poster the best thing you need do now is focus on yourself and kids that should be your ultimate priority,forget sex nobody has died from lack of it establish yourself and regain your lost confidence
ReplyDeleteIt is chronicles like this that make me really mad. Lady the world owes you nothing; even your parents owe you nothing. I am not sure why a grown person, married with three kids sits around folding her arms and expects her husband to do everything for her. Lady what is your contribution to your marriage? Baby making machine? No wonder the man doesnt have time for you. And you claim he is sleeping with his niece. And you still want want this same man to have sex with you? Lady you have lost your mind.
ReplyDeleteAnyway since you decided to be a layabout, keep waiting for miraculous manna to fall from heaven and feed you. You are lazy madam. Go out ; work; cleaning, selling; hawking;anything; start saving and planning your exit. Our culture has made women feel as though without a man, they cannot survive; but I would rather live in a shack with my kids than stay with a man having an incestuous relationship with his niece. Even the Word of God calls that an abomination.
You need to pray and receive wisdom and understanding to deal with this issue appropriately.
What is this man moves on from his niece to one of your daughters? Will you still want to be with him? This chronicle has really shocked and upset me.
And to your parents: I have no words for them. African parents should stop forcing their daughters stay in dead marriages. Wasn't it the other day the singer was killed by her Swedish husband; and the parents had let her go back to the man after he beat her into a coma??? This chronicle is really upsetting. Poster please wake up and find something to do and get out of that man's house asap.
Your only problem here is you having no means to rescue yourself!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou have no means at all, you are a dependent wife and dependent daughter so anywhere you take your problem it becomes burdensome because what is really required of you to do cannot be done!!!!!!!
You do not stay with an incestuous adulterous man that already is enough mental torture and damage to your psych alone! Coupled with someone who is not affectionate do you want to die? Do you know what that man is thinking when he's just silent watching you- be careful !!!! Being in the same house with even just a spiteful roommate is dangerous what more an emotionally off husband one day you will find that house locked and the man gone. Affection in marriage is important otherwise you're on you're own you're just single and answering Mrs kindly find your square root DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR PROGRESS YOU CANNOT DIE LIKE THIS WALAHI
I know we're all wired differently, but I don't seem to something. A man that does not provide for you and his children, you still wasn't sex from him? What if you become pregnant, will that change his behaviour? Pls focus on what you can do so that you can help yourself, start small no matter how little. I remember in my JSS3,things were so difficult with my parents,I was selling groundnut after school,with that I was able to pay my school fees,register for my junior waec,buy some okirika cloths for myself,and help in the family the little way I could. I buy on credit promising to pay as soon as I finish selling. I try not to disappoint my lenders is.the people that sell for me on credit. Sometimes I don't make much gain as far as the capital is complete ,am good. Pls still something. You are not hopeless or helpless.
ReplyDeleteThe answer you looking for is in your head
ReplyDeleteMadam lazy Nigerian youth one bag of cold satchet water is 100naira to get 200, 5 bags aday gives you 500naira gain, save 200 for 30days is 6k, for 10months is 60k use ur pots cook rice beans, plaintain, moimoi, start mama put business trust me b4 next 6months you will have over half a million in ur acct,
ReplyDeleteFor the sexual relationship with your husband how do you have sexual urge for a man dat don't give you shishi you dy try ooo cos me I would have lock up since, considering that he sleeps with his blood Pls don't leave your daughters out of sight if you have any cos they are not save with him,
Cut off ur parents & fight like a strong woman you are ought to be trust me they will come around as soon as they see little change in your hands, Pls don't turn mother Christmas remember you are on ur own.