DANGEROUS LOVE LIES
Dear Stella,
I'm a silent bv. Keep up with the good work. I pray God continue to order your steps. Please post this.
Few month after I met my guy, he lost his job. I was not aware till a year after. I got to know when I asked him to send me his CV. I was angry, all hell broke loose. This guy was remorseful, travelled down to my base just to tell me how sorry he was, he explained he was scared of telling me he lost his job, and since we just met it wasnt easy for him to just tell me he lost his job and he was hoping he would get a new job and then he would give me testimony.
Mind you during those period he had lost his job that I wasn't aware. I would ask him where he was, he would say at work, he would even tell me there was traffic on his way back, this happened at work today, that happened at work the other day, he even travelled down to meet my parents for the first time, you know how parents ask questions from suitors, when it got to where does he work? my guy still mentioned the company name o.
During this period this guy still took care of me money wise, even had to support me in renting an apartment closer to my work place, so it didn't really show he had no job at hand.
Though now he has gotten a job. The issue now is he is talking about introduction which he has even told my parent that he wants it to be next month, now I'm scared because after I found out he lost his job and covered it up, I've not been able to trust him fully, I feel he deceived me, I'm scared of being deceived again, though hes now more open. I have forgiven him but I don't know why I feel like this, I'm scared I want to tell my parents I don't want the introduction to hold yet.
I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal. Stella talk to me na. Thanks.
*Hmmmm what a good liar but then i guess he didnt wanna lose you and if he lied not to lose that means he also does not trust that you would stay with him when things are down...you need to have a heart to hart with this man if you want to marry him......Its not as if you dont tell lies oh,its just that this man lied so perfectly that HE WILL DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.
For now,just find out from him what other lies he is willing to talk about....re-cross check EVERYTHING he has ever told you about himself,friends,family,his name,his date of birth,native of......check all....
Good luck oh.
Just talk to him in a calm way and explain how u feel abt him lying to u,then hear his response and know d next step to take,it is well with u
ReplyDeleteIf he is the right person for you,please marry him.
DeleteMy dad told me his story,when he first met my mum,he was working and few months into the relationship he resigned and never told my mum.
infact when they had their intro he was still jobless but before the wedding he got another job.
His excuse was that he was afraid of loosing my mum.
Its been more than 30 years and they are still together.
so,i think he was just scared of loosing you.If he is a good man,and you are confortable with him,pls go ahead and marry him.
Stella I am with you on this. Poster I understand you and I am scared on your behalf. I can't tell you what to do because still you know him better. But at least like Stella said dot your Is and cross your Ts
DeleteI almost dated someone who doesn't work cause he lied to Me like the guy above. But I left him cause he was even lazy, but he went around telling his friends I was a good digger.
Delete@18:24 ah! You for tell them say good been no dey! Neither was there silver, bronze, frankincense, or myrrh!! Poor niggas be shouting about gold diggers. Rabbesh....
DeletePele dear, everything will soon be alright
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Eayaaaa
ReplyDeleteI see a remorseful man that'd go an extra lenght to keep you happy, given the fact that he lied & kept faking till he made it, thats keeping up appearances, total naija celebrity doing.
DeleteQuestion is, what have you done to keep up appearances so far?? Have you worn wig to cover ur real hair? just so ud look more appealing to him??
Have you wore that special underpanties he once mentioned turns his juice on?? Have you deleted an honest chat from a chyker just to make him feel comfortable?? Its all make-believe till we land that appropriate client, the strategies we apply isnt all in black n white.. not condoning what he did, but it was all for a good intention!
"We're all Liars here"
What does wearing a wig have to do with consistent lies for MONTHS????
DeleteGosh, what puerile reasoning.
Anonymous 18:52
DeleteIts your reasoning thats impaired, i think i get what erased is driving at, we all keep up appearances to cover whats underneath.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 @we are all liars here!
DeleteErased oooohh 🙆🏽♀️
Well, thank God he has a job now. I agree with asking more questions & doing more background checks. Still shouldn't stop the intro since he's so willing to wife you. Just do more investigation on his genuineness.
ReplyDeleteSo you ladies are this thirsty? A man is "willing to wife you" and that means all sense should fly out the window?Chronicles will not end because of reasoning like this
DeleteEnter your comment...
ReplyDeleteLike SDK said a heart to heart talk and a sincere conviction is wat u need.
that's how my sis loved her colleague at work, even got herself pregnant for him.
only to discover she senior the guy even her junior seniors the guy, He had just SSCE and lied abt his part tym in LASU.
Lied about everything. d shit was hurtful than getting pregnant.
so dear poster How well do u knw ur Guy on a scale of 5.?????
OAP switty
Your sister na one chance customer, open nyash for man that hasnt paid bride prce... without condom joi
DeleteWait first.... Did she abort?!
DeleteHow does one date a co-worker though? I get that sometimes one night stands happen. But.... how do you have a relationship with a co-worker and get preggers without wedding? Aren’t you scared it could ruin your career?
You are your own problem madam because to me that man is a man with dignity and respect. He lied to save the relationship and after you got to know he sincerely apologized so what more is honorable than that. Please do not do the introduction and dash me the guy for one of my friends, I'll reward you accordingly.
ReplyDeleteThis one too get problem for her mind.. . Sorry.
He can as well lie for a wrong reason too.
DeleteFor one of your friends u say lol. I do like your sense of reasoning, u are very correct.
DeleteNot to generalize, but it baffles me how majority of women complain about one shit or another guys do or don't do. Here, u have a guy who played his "man" roles while he didn't have a job, found himself a job, apologised for lying to u, and u come here to write a chronicle? Let fuckboys teach u a lesson, then u'll be very glad u have/had a man like him. SMH
I tire o....that man is a good man n he loves you gaa n. Hold him tight gurl.
DeleteWhy do you want to create problems for yourself when there is none. This man is a good man and he loved you so much that he hid the fact that he was jobless because he was afraid of losing you, he even took care of you when he didn't have a job. He doesn't maltreat you, you've not caught him cheating and you want to leave him. You must be a fool. Abeg leave him, let another girl with sense have him.You think is easy to find husband? A good one for that matter? When you experience how fuck boys treat you you will regret ever leaving. Mtcheew there are people with serious problems and you are here wasting our time.
DeleteAnon 15:47 true! Meaning even though he was jobless, he protected his ego and played his role. He wasn’t lazy. I would understand if a man thinks I won’t accept him without a job cos we women, we always panic about such and some of us don’t even look like we can’t date rich guys.
DeleteHe lied to you because he did not want to lose you. He has gotten a new job and he has apologized. So, please move on. What if he covered his tracks so well and you were kept in the dark till he got another job? Well, continue to encourage him to be more open to you and let him know that you don't want deceit/ secret anymore.
ReplyDeleteLai Mohammed should come and learn from your guy for real.
ReplyDeleteYou are right in been sacred and afraid of tomorrow might bring with him.
Cross check any and whatever else he might have told you. Snop oh...this doesn't have to do with any other woman but his background, educational qualifications( did he have waec and is claiming masters?) his habits... does he smoke and loves drinking? Nothing is wrong with a bottle of beer or a glass of red wine once in a while but if egbon helps in closing down bars and can't function without downing shots of whiskey then you need to know; so as to know if that is what you can live with.
If he comes clean then have a SERIOUS discussion with him and tell him that based on the lying trip he took you on you are reconsidering your relationship with him. Tell him that when it comes to saying "I do" that his ability to conceal issues is a deal breaker and that before you can commit to forever with him, he has to reassure you beyond any reasonable doubt that he will be truthful.
This 👆 is to put small fear of knowing that you won't tolerate it again from him and it will help set the pace for your tomorrow with him.
From your description he sounds like a good guy and one sin is not enough to crucify one so long as it's a one off thing and not a character.
Almost said it all Stella. Poster take time and study all you will need to know before saying I DO.
ReplyDeletePut yourself in his shoes- you might have done the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI don’t think you are ready for marriage with this kind of mindset. After you realised he lost his job did you give him back the money he spent in renting you a flat even while he was broke!
You are just a greedy selfish bi**h
I want you to know that your concerns are legitimate and genuine. Secondly, when it's about time to achieve a milestone, doubts and uncertainty must inevitably creep in, however, remember that no body holy pass. You only have one life to live and we can't have it all.
ReplyDeleteIf that's your only major challenge, then don't blow jack out of proportion. Sit your ass down, humble and respect your age, and marry this good man or lose him to someone deserving.
Your being too hard on yourself and the guy. There's a saying that if the man or woman who calm to love have not lie to you inorder to save a situation is truly not in love with you.
ReplyDeleteYes, he lied but apologized and gave sincere reason for that, although lying is bad but he made moves to correct his wrong na.
To have peace, discuss and ask necessary and deep question. To me he really love you. Give him another chance.
He lied because he is afraid to lose you, don't cancel the introduction, the date should be shifted instead so as to have more time to have heart to heart talk with him and still get close to know each other better .
ReplyDeleteI feel he did not tell you because you might think he will be a burden to you. Forgive him.
ReplyDeletePoster,you will be fine Las Las.
ReplyDeleteShine your eyes 👀👀
Haha! Stella's comment is so hilarious. You can't really know anyone truly. Have you prayed about him? Does he tick more than 50% on your list, can you tolerate the rest? If you are afraid of the future, I guess you can call it quits with him
ReplyDeletewho prayer help concerning marriage? You people are so quick to deceive yourselves, all the marriages breaking upandown or the once hanging by a thread, the didnt pray abi? or God has favorites?
DeleteNawaooooooo....lies breaks one heart than a lady telling you she is done with you...you need check mate him again and try to have an extensive heart to heart discussion calmly and not too demandful
ReplyDeleteMc pinky
I think very lowly of people who expose their Partner's weakness or talk ill of their EX.
ReplyDeleteThis is the way I see it, my partner is a reflection of me. Shebi she was on her own jeje, na me find trouble. However, If she turns terrible, the person I blame is myself, for poor judgment, I blame my intellects for not been able to see far into the future.
So if she becomes Terrible. It means I have a terrible sense of Judgement.
And I always know people come out of the temporary rubbish they may be, if I had spent time discussing her then we get back on track, those people would only see her for her weakness.
In all honesty, I find it hard to listen to people talk ill of their partner and ex, I don't. Infact, even my best would know nothing about our issues. Whatever I cannot handle, I don't touch.
I don't correct my partner in front of anyone, and anytime I see someone do it, I feel it's very weird.
My Partner is a reflection of me. I must protect her integrity because its my integrity.
No matter how stupid, she is- she is only stupid to me. To you. She is da bomb.
Sho ye e?
If you look down on my partner. You are looking for trouble.
Plaster please be sincere assuming he told you and your parents that he lost his job would you still go on with the relationship? If yes then you can go on and end it but if not forgive him .
ReplyDeleteI don't feel good about this. It is one thing to hide the truth from you, but to create stories and pretend as if something is one way when it is not strikes me as someone that cannot be trusted. This is not someone who would tell you if they are hiv positive, if they maxed out the credit card, if they have a child or children. There is no shame in losing your job, it can happen to anybody, but to pretend and deceive over a year long period is very scary to me. Yes, we all make mistakes, but this says a lot about his character to me. You have seen the light so no complaints in the future.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly.
DeleteMy dear introduction is not marriage, allow him do it while you continue to study him to decide if you will marry him or not.
ReplyDelete@Poster, you seriously don't have a chronicle here. Please give me his number if you don't trust him again. He lied to protect you from leaving him and now you are forming Zahara Buhari for him... Kontinu!
ReplyDeleteYet you gurls will open your mouth to say don't go out with a broke ass nigga; you refer to guys without job as lazy ass nigga. Here is my advice, kindly return the money he gave you for your rent, then stop the introduction and finally give me his number let me get married to him.
Women and wahala. Poster all I will say is grow up. If he don't have a job you will call him lazy. Here is a man who went outta his way even when he was jobless to take care of you yet u sit down there allowing ur village people to be using you anyhow claiming I don't trust him. It wasn't like he cheated and got someone pregnant ooh, he only lied about his job. Note I am not saying lying is good, all I am saying is that man is a good man and if u allow ur village people use u and end up spoiling your reggae by ur sef don't come back here and shout foul. Infact I feel u ain't mature enough for marriage sef. Send Stella the brothers number so that a more matured lady who is ready to settle down will pin him down. Mtcheeeeeew
ReplyDeleteIf it's just the job ish then there is no problem at all and i see no reason why you shouldn't trust him just bcos he lied about his job. He has his own reasons which he told you already. Nobody is perfect babe. infact check yourself. haven't you lied before? This one you are confused, are you sure you don't have spirit husband? sorry to say o. But how come he lost his job shortly after you guys met? if i were d guy i will be more careful to avoid bad luck in future. i just feel sorry for d guy sha
ReplyDeleteYou better marry him and stop talking rubbish. All these ones telling you not to, how many lies have they been told? These are big big lies that even a baby sucking breast will not believe but they still marry the guy who disrespects them. This one will do anything to provide for you and protect you. Yet you are here speaking English. Lol.
ReplyDeletePoster.....please forgive him but make sure you made it clear that you don't like to be lied to like that again. And sister go ahead with the introduction jare. That guy is the type that will do everything possible to provide for his family....you're in good hand my sister......
DeleteDear Poster,pray about it. Ask God to show you the way. I bet you,He will guide you on your next step. All the best!
ReplyDeleteHmnnn... Lying is not okay. Especially about something so serious and for so long a time. If he lied about this, what else is he hiding? Me thinks he lied for other reasons other than the fact that he didn't want to lose you. What if you're someone who doesn't tolerate such lying, then that means he'll lose you automatically. Did he consider that? Don't dismiss your instincts about this guy I'm begging you. Give it time and ask God to reveal his true nature. Don't dismiss your instincts.
ReplyDeleteI suppose it's not the lie but the tales woven to cover the lie for a year. As people say " you need another lie to cover a lie. If he had no job and paid your ret,where did the obey come from? I hope he isn't married and was collecting money from the woman to fund your lifestyle. Please investigate everything before marriage. People should not just love with their hearts, invite your brain to partake in the self discussion and Bobo appraisal. Just make sure he is lying abouthis marital, children, genotype and even hiv status. After that, you can go with hi.
ReplyDeleteMen who can not be honest and can carry on lies are dangerous (so are women who do the same). A year is not 2 months. Please push the introduction forward and allow him to pass more life situations with you before you decide on whether to marry this man. When you feel uneasy about a situation NEVER go into it without getting peace. Every good man is not your man. If you do not trust (not blindly) a man, you will not enjoy a marriage with him. You will always second guess his words
ReplyDelete