STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
FINDING CLOSURE AFTER THE BREAK UP
Hey Stellz!
I decided to share my story on here with the hopes that someone learns a thing or two from it.
I’m 27, I recently got out of a relationship and my ex got married 2 weeks later to the same person I had been suspecting him of having something deeper than platonic friendship with. I know that I was nothing short of amazing to him. I mean I had met family, both nuclear and extended and it appeared everyone liked me or so I thought so I tried really hard not to be pushy about it. It was a huge blow when we broke up and he got married 2 weeks later. I was beyond broken.
My self esteem was reduced to nothing. I kept asking myself so many questions. Like if I wasn’t pretty enough (even though I know that I’m a fine sumborri) , what this girl had that I didn’t, if I wasn’t supportive enough. It really was a battle field in my head.
In all these, I sought solace in God and asked that He gives me peace and help me not harbor any feelings of hatred or resentment toward him. I asked for the grace to seek Him first and make everything else secondary. Really when you’re at peace, nothing else matters. Even my friends are surprised at how I was able to get past that difficult phase without completely losing myself. It has been God!
I didn’t get to talk to my ex because I wanted to keep whatever was left of my dignity but I forgive him.
I have realized that rather than channeling your anger/hurt towards wishing whoever has hurt you terrible things, your emotions should be channeled towards attaining success or just making something good of yourself. Like people say, success is the best form of revenge.
I have been working on so many things that even I am overwhelmed by my own “intelligence”... lol!
Sometimes, all we need is a push (either good or bad) for our full potentials to be actualized.
Stellz, my pictures have been attached for your eyes only so you can see that I’m actually not bad looking + 1 without makeup sef. Lol!
I have realized that rather than channeling your anger/hurt towards wishing whoever has hurt you terrible things, your emotions should be channeled towards attaining success or just making something good of yourself. Like people say, success is the best form of revenge.
I have been working on so many things that even I am overwhelmed by my own “intelligence”... lol!
Sometimes, all we need is a push (either good or bad) for our full potentials to be actualized.
Stellz, my pictures have been attached for your eyes only so you can see that I’m actually not bad looking + 1 without makeup sef. Lol!
*Two weeks to plan a wedding?you were probably the side chick but didnt know this...He must have been planning for a while....
Some side chicks are introduced to family and these Family members know how to play the game .....
Anyway,i am happy that you found closure in all of the heartache!
Stella didn’t say anything about the picture hmmm. 🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️
ReplyDeletei observed that also.. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. *lips sealed*
Deleteyou too gbaski. i know Stella if something fine she go talk am. meaning the babe no fine be dat
DeleteGod will provide you with a pious spouse.
ReplyDeleteElegant abeg shift small...
DeleteIve always said, its pointless sending ur pix to Stella to reassure ur beauty, its not all about good looks & curves my dear, nor is it your xcellent character that'd "arm twist" a man to wife you, it goes beyond that.
I once likened marriage to the mechanism of an airplane;
It can only be carefully built by a mature mind, without the engine functioning in full capacity it would keep hovering on the ground, with the wings & propeller shaft... & all components put in place, without the jet fuel, its still grounded... even when the jet fuel is available, its now up to the state of mind of the pilot & co-pilot to be in harmony, b4 that plane jets to an optimum range of 30,000 feet in a favourable weather... & ofcourse ud xperience turbulence, so brace urself for impact!!!
So no one knows the part you required that grounded your marriage to him from flying high, all the best dear, heartbreak can pain sha. Keep flying ur solo helicopter, you'd be fine. *kisses*
@erased ink
DeleteAnd you say youre 18yrs, yimu.
Lol. He sounds 16. Steady making excuses for men. Please tell me how it's d ladies fault that her supposed man was cheating on both of them , or didn't even have the guts to let her know when he got engaged. My dear, that man is a scumbag and will still come back to you, or call you. He'll try and sell you a cock and bull story about how it is you he loves. If u like, listen, if you like used the excuse of finding closure or according to erased,finding d part that kept ur plane grounded. Na u sabi.
DeletePele poster. God will surprise you soon with a better man and you will be glad that your stupid ex left. Let the guess your ex tribe. He is yoruba. Yoruba guys can cheat and pretend that, you dating them won't even know. if you like snoop and stalk him. Another funny thing they can introduce their 20 girlfriends to their mother and their mother will call them all them daughter inlaw. I wonder why a woman will know her son is seeing more than one girl at a time and still not advice the yeye son. Instead she will be encouraging him and that is what use to give the men liver to be bring the ladies to their mum because they know she will pretend and accept the ladies now making the lady think she is the only one in the guy's life. Then yoruba mothers can like to turn their son girlfriends and even wives into slave. I had a friend that was even washing her boyfriend mother cloths and pounding yam whenever she visit them. At the end the guy nor marry her. He was even cheating and she didn't know until he did introduction with another lady. Very painful
DeleteStop dating fvch boys you won't hear. You and your friends. My ex's bro did this and they ain't even Yoruba. If u like date hausa fvch boy, d same one chance.
Delete@Anonymous donor, I am married and I never dated any fuck boy even before I got married. my self and husband are from different tribes. Even before I got married, I had two yoruba suitors both richer than my present husband and they were acting like they are very responsible (Yimu) but I refused to marry any of them because I already have this belief that yoruba guys pretend alot and it is always difficult to catch them on time because they will use romance to blindfold the lady eyes. Even in my next world I won't date or marry any yoruba guy. They too pretend abegi
DeleteGood for u dear,be strong,d right man will come ur way sooner than expected,i didn't realise there's happiness in having peace of mind,since i came to my aunt's place,the kind sleep,peace and happiness i get internally,no be here at all,my daughter self dey add flesh daily but whenever i remember schls will soon resume,it saddened me cos even if she's gonna change her schl,at least make she finish dis session
ReplyDeleteMust you always beg.You have a browsing phone,subscription to watch bbnaija.you are married but still u always come on here to beg stylishly and directly.Expecting someone to pay your child's school bills again.Some people done have all the little luxuries you have and I will always help such people over someone like you.Abeokuta is a big place with lots menial jobs that can pay your primary bills.This is 2018 change ur way.
DeleteIt is well.
DeleteI love your style of begging. It's quite stylish, though doesn't suit you cos you're full of bile.
DeleteAnonymous 16:27 and 17:26,if una no understand my post,u can skip it or ask me questions about it,if i wan beg,i go openly beg cos its not ur begging,read and understand that changing my environment now can affect her academics cos she's used to her schl,na una go dey shout up and down say one person no sabi English,is dis one Spanish? May u experience and see what's making me beg all d time
DeletePlease show me the line where she asked for money?? Some of you guys are too mean. When someone gets fed up and ends their life, you all wake up. Leave her alone to beg if she wants to. She isn’t doing it anonymously like some people.
DeletePlease let her be. Don’t kick people when they are down.
Just check out her comments and mine. Who is d mean person?. Yes she is stylishly begging. It's Soo obvious. Stop denying please, else d next giveaway , will pass u by lol. She is full of bile, she needs to confront her husband or whoever kicked her to the ground like you said. She is carrying around a lot of hate and it's not healthy.
DeleteSee her saying we'll experience what's making her beg. Vile something. Cussing out at people for their opinion which is a very obvious fact. Ur cusses go right back at you. All through the holidays, you are too big to do holiday job, but you can beg and cuss yourself. You ain't serious yet. Your condition is funny.
Hmmmmmm you were really the side chick ooo. Even after doing the acrobats and all, the foolish man still went ahead with his own wife.
ReplyDeleteJust keep your head up. You are free to cry to let it out, but you can do the crying in the midnight and pray to God. Crying helps to free things that are hard to get.
Dont worry, God is still with you. You will laugh last when the time comes.
Men dont look for fine looking or get better ikebe. They know what they want. Do you know what he want?
You were d sidechic naaa....
ReplyDeleteYou even suspected there was someone else....case closed.
Once u notice your man cheating, lock up, zone him, beats me wen babes cry cos a guy cheat, like his dick is ur sole property...a man belongs to nobody, even that babe he married, chill, he will cheat on her.
Black berry no dey mince words
DeleteBad garl...
DeleteI too trust your judgment o jare.
True he will still cheat on her.
If you didn't breakup with him before the wedding, he would have been cheating on her with you. Likewise, if he had married you, he would still cheat on you with her.
Yea! A man belongs to nobody but they won't still gree, chanting my man doesn't cheat cos they haven't caught them in the act.
Lol @ a man belongs to nobody.
DeleteThanks BB. Leave erased ink to be acting his age. It's not by whatever mature mind , character, helicopter part nonsense. A man cheats because he wants to Period.
DeleteThe only human u can predict or control is yourself. And that's even sometimes
you ppl can read upside down sha. Did i say a man will not cheat? There are men that'd cheat on u severally and still marry you, thats cus you've checked all his boxes.
DeleteErased ink.. Are you actually 18?? You don’t have any experience on love and marriage matters so take a chill pill. Okay??
DeleteU are still hurting nevertheless u will be fine. Learn & move... I'm hurting too because of some revelations but God will see me through
ReplyDeletemy dear beauty is not what keeps a man. Look beyond your beauty. I am saying this just in case yo decide to date again. Secondly most men dnt actually know what they want n is very annoying but i like the way you are taken the betrayal. what does not kill you actually makes you stronger. Stay strong and trust in God only .
ReplyDeleteNeither does ugliness keep a man
DeleteHahahahahahaha anon 16:00 you're funny
DeleteYou should be grateful you broke up with him before the wedding. Else, he would have gotten married and kept you in the dark or give you IV for his wedding.
ReplyDeleteYou probably were the spare tyre.
Some families sef are bad ohh.
I have said it and I am saying it again, and I will continue to say it, if you have the opportunity to break a man's heart, break it very very very well, because most men are HEARTLESS AND DECEPTIVE.
ReplyDeleteafter breaking it very very well, then wats ur gain in there? Isnt it when he misbehaves ud leave him & bounce? u think its all men that suffer heartbreak? your tjinking is very shallow, very very shallow.
DeleteMost men even wants you to be the one breaking up with them. heart breaks are rare with men.
DeleteMy dear it’s not only men that breaks heart, the government will break your heart, brokenness will break your heart, even etisalat just broke my heart this evening, telling me that the one 1gb data plan I did lasted me just 30minuites. I’ll just glide to Mtn office tomorrow to port, my mumu don do
DeleteYeah she has always been the side chick but I don't really understand men o!!When you know you ain't seeing a future with someone why still lead the person on,it's quite heartless.
ReplyDeletesometimes the revelation comes at the 11th hour, which is hurtful... Some women do same also, theyd keep 2-3guys at same time, maybe not fuckin them all, but as safety net or planB, then wen things get heated & more real, they leave others heartbroken.
DeleteIt is heartless. But if you allow it some men will suck you dry and dump your ass. So look out for yourself
DeleteHmmmmm mine got married 3months after i found out he was getting married.
ReplyDeleteHe did introduction in Dec and I found out about the wedding March. We broke up and he got married may.
This guy also introduced me to his family though the mum is late. Whenever he comes to my town,he stays with his elder sister who is based there and I stay there with him..met the dad,brother etc. The sister even called me "our wife". Not only his betrayal hurt me but I was dissapointed in the family, the sister especially.
It took the grace of God for me to survive the heart break. For 3 days I couldnt eat or sleep. Lost so much weight.
I must say that thing removed the innocence I once had..I believed in people being good. I couldn't believe even a family could be so scvomodating to me knowing their brother had someone else.
We had discussed marriage, our kids. I couldn't even believe he could glance at another woman,talkmore date and marry.
I think what prevented me from knowing early was we don't live in same town. We just visit eachother every 2months.
It was then I knew the heart of man is desperately wicked.
He was not planning on telling me. He would have gotten married and still continue dating me if not someone that told me.
He even still wanted to continue with our relationship. Imagine that.
The girl was an ex in school they dated in the past for many years and reconnected with.
Eayah it is well. Yours will come Amen
DeleteYou will be fine, when u fall in love next time, do it with ur eyes wide shut.
DeleteDon't blame the sister or the father.they have to support him to get married to whosoever he deemed fit irrespective of all the girlfriend he introduced to them
DeleteWow, so sorry my dear. That guy must be a yoruba guy. Na their handwork be that. Why won't she blame his family when they allowed him to b leading more than one woman on? What if she had bathed him with acid? There was a time my elder brother brought in another lady to the house and introduced her as his girlfriend. Meanwhile we know him with another girl. That one comes to the house too. As soon as the new girl left, my mum called him to her room and gave him better warning to stop bringing different girls around. She also asked him what happened to the girl we know from day 1, he said the girl cheated. We didn't believe him. I called her and asked what happened. She told me, my brother doesn't give her too much attention and out of being lonely, she started dating another guy. That was how we accepted the new girlfriend, infact they are engaged now.
DeleteWe thank God for your life for this tesstimony. And may you be permanently delivered from every spirit of side-chicksm...
ReplyDeleteYou probably dodged a bullet there...
Yea! She dodged a serious bullet.
Deletewhat its him that dodged a bullet? look from a diffrent angle, he might have seen what he couldnt deal with in marriage, & ported, instead of a divorce... lets face it, no chronicle poster will ever see faults or flaws in her, who knows what he saw. All r/ships mustnt end in marriage u know! It just hurts when the plug is disconnected abrubtly.
DeleteWhat if she wasn’t a side chick. What if the guy married the one he met newly. We are just assuming she was side chick because he didn’t marry her?
DeleteHaven’t we seen men string a girl along for years only to meet another girl and then, boom ...marriage while the other one had played wife for years and be known to family, friends, church, work etc...
How about the ones that just leave their regular chick to go play away match only to hook and marry that one....
All I’m saying is, she may not have been a side chic
Pele poster.... that’s why they say..most men are scum. Please don’t lose your joy. It’s his loss!!
Don't worry you will be fine. It would pass and yours would come. The wouldn't matter anymore. Most Nigerian men are just not sincere.
ReplyDeleteHope you are ok. this things happen but you are strong. dont forget that. God's got you
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are doing better. It is not rocket science here that you were his side chic. Now that you are free from this man, please when you find yourself suspicious of a man...follow your gut. 9.5 out of 10 times it is right.
ReplyDeleteposter, i don't understand this your chronicles. All the while you were meeting his family both extended and nuclear, what commitment and investment to the relationship did he make?
ReplyDeleteIf he wasn't contributing his efforts and resources, you should have smelt the rat for a long time. How often did he try to please you?
Read brain-resetting books like "think like a man, act like a woman" by steve harvey, "why men love bitches" and reduced the chances of getting all caught up in stuff like these. It works! Tested and proven!
Good luck on your next run! Men don't like easy. Blow hard and soft and make them run mad.
Leave them, let dem be making man the centre of their world.
DeleteMy dear this thing called relationship doesn't have formular
DeleteRelationship no get formula no mean say you no go apply caution and initiative. Love has evolved; it is no longer blind and if yours is, abeg find contact lense wear.
DeleteYou were the side chick all thee time, thinking you are the main girl. Wedding plans was going on long before the break up. Hope you find peace of mind sha.
ReplyDeletehmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, take heart dear. Broken relationship better than broken marriage.
ReplyDeleteThis is so serious o...God ll grant you that which is His perfect will 4 you dear.
ReplyDeleteMen and their wahala. GOD will help us.Take heart dear,ur own will come
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you poster....I know just how you feel,but know this;it happened for a greater purpose for you.Yes you may have unknowingly been the sidechick,but that phase of your life is over and you will definitely be better for it.
ReplyDeleteSome men are plain wicked that you begin to wonder if they are human...Family members are even to blame for the existence of most sidechicks,because they know the truth and just play along with their brother.May same be visited on their sisters!
Be strong....Stay positive....Much love
You are very lucky my dear, YES! A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage! he would still have dumped you for her even after marriage. So... go ahead , work hard, trust God , be successful ... make it BIG. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
ReplyDeleteI keep telling gals don't ever keep one boyfriend at all always keep two or 3,you mustn't sleep with all of them.you can form celibate for one. Same thing happened to me.i was with my bf on a Monday enjoying and planning life this guy met my people,we were so much In love and were used to each other (so I thought)on Saturday he got married I even found out before he did as a sharp gal I confronted him out of fear he denied it I leave the guy and quickly switched to the next guy on my case and guess wat now we are married and am the happiest gal on earth and am glad that hoodlum of a man did wat he did.his already living under a curse.you always have to be two steps ahead of these men.
ReplyDeleteyou also did the same thing, una fit eachother. which curse wen u were also not technically faithful.
DeleteIs like your mad abi?or you can't read oloriburuku somebody that is bitter that can't read properly .
DeleteYou will be fine dear, he is not the one for you .
ReplyDeleteThisbstory is so similar to that of my wife. The guy told her the girl was his cousin. She d cook and wash the guy and the girls clothes. Than they go married....well she met me and we got married...Yeah met her a virgin...Shes never had to wash clothes since we got married except her panties...I am not perfect but i reckon she s happy with Me...4 kids after and counting
ReplyDeleteCongrats. 4 kids and counting..... wetin you dey count. You want to born Jesus Christ again?
DeleteVirgin? lol.... when i hear men say theyre marrying virgins, i just laugh... cus if u know what virgins do eh, even without penetration, u wont dare call her a virgin cus the hymen is intact, yimu... enjoy ur wife sha.
DeleteNo reach 40kids abeg with this yo counting
DeleteYou're are the real MVP.
DeleteGod bless you Oga. You are a good husband
Delete@erased ink, please learn to speak for yourself alone,and try not to generalise when you make comment on topics as sensitive as this.
DeleteI am a 29 years old virgin and i have never even kissed and am also certain am not the only one.
poster, count urself lucky and thank ur stars, up until last year, I was still a virgin, I met this guy, he promised me everything ,I was feeling somehow, but I was in love with him.
ReplyDeleteHe made sure he disvirgned me before he traveled, then his beastly nature came out, he hardly pick my calls ,he wouldn't introduce me to his friends, even when am sitting face to face with them, he has never introduced me to his family, even the elder sister's daughter got married ,but he attended the wedding without me. I will always cry, he picks up quarrels easily and calls me names.January this year, he came back to naija after 5months abroad, and broke up with me,my people I cried and almost died, my mum consoled me after I opened up and told her ,I have lost my virginity, and the guy just dumped me, God bless my mum for me, she told me a better guy would come around, I should just look up to God and never lay a curse on my ex.
February this year, I was going home from work, a guy entering into his car, saw me and said hi, I replied him and he started following me, I was so embarrassed coz its a busy place and there was traffic, so imagine how buses filled with passengers were just looking at us, but he kept following me: asking for my number, out of shame ,coz all eyes were on us, I just turn, type the number on his phone sharply and begged him to stop following me.he started calling me,Me that is still recovering from break up, I hardly picked his calls sef, but he kept pushing.
But I decided to see him, just that outing with him and I tell u, I didn't regret it, in fact I haven't regretted it ever since, he treats me like a queen and I have never been so happy in my life.he traveled to the abroad and bought me expensive designer clothes,bags,shoes,brazilian hair ,all these is just two weeks after meeting him ,infact my colleagues in the office are noticing the changes on me, I will be going to Russia with him for the World Cup this July.
My ex is educated, A master holder, but this new guy is not even a waec holder, but i wouldn't trade him for a Wole Soyinka,anytime I stay with him, I always laugh, he handles issues so maturedly unlike my ex, that one will start fighting and the fact he's way older is repulsive.
Just yesterday, my ex called and said he wanted us to get back, and I happily said No, dude said I don't have a choice ,that he disvirgned me, therefore he must marry me,i still said No.who immature man filled with bitterness epp.
Poster, cry not ur joy is about to be mutilpied, January 2018,was like death sentence to me, 2months later, am filled with testimonies ,it's well with us.
Stella sorry for the long epistle, abeg post am u hear
I'm happy for you girl. You sounded really happy, not because of what he gives u materially, but the peace u have with him. There is this special feeling of happiness that comes with knowing how much your partner values you. I'm talking from experience
DeleteHappy for your new found catch, cupid reserved an arrow for u adlfter all... BUT, i wouldnt be too happy & comfortable if i were u, u sound so confident in this new guy, its too early to trust whole heartedly if u ask me, havnt u learnt that guys can change?? well i hope he stays real tho.
DeleteErased whatever,why are you always bitter? May you choke on your bitterness soonest.
DeleteBitterness kill you there@ Erased ink
DeleteThanks for sharing. Your story is nice. I pray I date someone good some day.
Deletecan't wait till tomorrow SP post to rant.
ReplyDeleteI am hurt, its been a while I felt this bad. Met ex hubby friend today and the guy told me what made me scream. How can people be this mean. You left me because I could not give you a child after years of marriage. Your family nearly killed me for refusing to let go. You went behind me and got married to another woman with your family and friends consent.
Why lie to your friends that I left you to be with another man. Haaa.. When I thought am healed. This lie came again to open my closed wound.
God of impossibilities.... Am tied!!!!remember me. Give me a miracle that seems like a lie.
Back stabbing doesn't kill. Move on, your joy is ahead.
DeleteMy ex was my best friend he broke my heart it's been God I wake up some days and wonder what I did wrong to him I was nothing but good to him,I have forgiven him forgiveness is easy but forgetting is hard sometimes I remember everything ND cry again,it's really painfull reading this post brought back the painful memories I pray for peace everyday.i pray God heals everyone going through a breakup
ReplyDeleteO have always said it, we ladies should stop claiming a man until we are married to him. You were the side chick but must have felt on top of the world as a madam now, take heart and continue to wax stronger.
ReplyDeleteNa waa!!!!! Maybe I'm indifferent to this una heartbreak of a thing...
ReplyDeleteI can't give my precious heart to be broken.....
Soldiers go, soldiers come..... life continues.....
Take each day as it comes.....and never you be depressed because of a man or woman....as a human worry but never get depressed.....
chim-oma aka Miss Kapusu
I just dont understand you ladies. If a man isnt married to you he cant be cheating on you...whats all these heartbreak stories. Every relationship must not end in marriage. U date to ascertain your compactibility and at the end of the day u choose one person then proceed to alter n vow to .... n when he defaults after ds den hes cheating. Theres no rule anywhere that says a man must date only one woman at a time. If i go to buy a shoe i sample many before choosing n paying not to talk of a lifetime partner. Continue puting your heart n emotions into relationships it has no business being in in the first place. N close your legs till d time is appropriate. First things first.
ReplyDeleteAnd YES! My elder brother came home with upto 3 or 4 different ladies before he got married. We got to know them and gave our honest opinions. Hes married to one today and he dare not cheat on her or let any one of us find out such. I never dated any one person at any time before i got married. Once i got engaged n d introduction was done with a date fixed i called others n let them know my stand.
How can somebody say she did not eat for 3days because a human being broke up with her. Toor!
The fact that you see relationship as a market place doesn't mean other people are like you let your daughter date someone ND d pesin leaves her to marry someone else I hope u will tell her d same thing u just said here, relationship is a miniature marriage u shouldn't date someone if u know u are going waste the person's time ND emotions
DeleteSo the guy was still ascertaining compatibility 2weeks to his wedding??..what happened to letting her know sooner
DeleteKeep hope alive let me give you a little about me. I was dating this guy I loved with all my life then, I told lies just to run from home and go be with him. I concluded that his my all in all. In all the years I was with him I cannot remember enjoying up to 5k. All the money I was using for myself, I worked for it and some people that were on my case then. This guy made me feel less in all and I was tired of all his complain,emotional abuse and so many. After all he subjected me to I called, after one of the quarrels, I told him its over and he replied me I CANNOT DO WITH HIM!!! Officially when I was done with him not up to 48hrs I met an amazing man that worships the place I step on. This one is not stingy, I buy and do whatever I like, his caring and in all we are married today . I ran into my ex one day like that and we got talking and he was trying to convince me to tell my husband to come and open account with them,you see life. The only thing I feel down about is kids but I know God will answer me this year. I am happppppppy now like never before.
ReplyDeleteI hope your conception challenge is not because you were aborting for the guy over all those relationship years...chai!
DeleteWhen dating and youre told to abstain from sex,you wont heed that. Sex aint love for men,but it is for women. So why wont a woman love herself so much as to wait to be legally married before having sex. Truth is if you dont give away that part of you to the man,when breakup occurs you simply move on,no strings attached.
ReplyDeleteAnyways,dear poster im glad youre healing rightly,learn from your past and move on,remember to apply all youve learnt in your next relationship. Stay focused,be happy-its a choice!