Have you ever forgiven someone who did you something really terrible without confronting them?
Do you think it is possible to forgive and heal without confronting the other party?
Do you think finding closure is easier when there is a confrontation or is it just better to walk away and ghost the person.
Do you have a story on forgiveness?Or is it so bad you cant forget or forgive?
My friend says she cannot forgive her ex becos he caused her lots of abortions and now he is happily married with kids and she wants to confront him....I told her aborting was her choice,she could have said NO.....Forgiving is also a choice she has no choice but to choose!
Should forgiving someone be selective?One crime greater than another?
This should be interesting!
It's very easy for me to forgive, but I'm not too daft to forget.
ReplyDeleteI pray I don't meet someone that will offend me to the point I won't be able to forgive
*Larry was here*
Stella you did not explain well. That your friend that did plenty abortions for her ex, she can't conceive now? Her womb is damaged?
DeleteI can forgive anything no matter what, to.forgive you are free from every burden. Forgetting is the hardest part.
ReplyDeleteHe enjoy flaunting his women to my face, that buuld his ego as a man. He told me he's a good man because he pays the bills (not all) which i should be grateful for. Too much of the pains,disrespect & humiliations, i will cover it as much as i can till i can ********
DeleteExcept he dies before I forgive.
ReplyDeleteSome emotional abuses are hard to forgive than domestic violence. U just stop loving the abuser...forgiveness is divine
DeleteWho forgiveness epp. Whether we forgive or not life goes on . Un forgiveness has never killed anyone. Some men are evil sha.
ReplyDeleteSome men are too evil to forgive
ReplyDeleteIf the perpetrator is remorseful why not ? But if they're not it's very hard to forgive. Such people can go on to commit more atrocities if you give them the opportunity
ReplyDeleteThat is it. Some I forgive, some I lie low and smoke your ass.
DeleteNo leles.
There are people who wrong you and rub it in your face, sometimes they make sure they sit real close to you at events so you boil more. What next?
I do my thing.
*belches*
I think i have forgiving dis woman but anytime i remembered what she did,i always wish her children experience such (God forgive me)she sells provisions for us where i was working before i resigned, she usually collects her money after pay day,i bought some which i am to pay by month end but couldn't meet up cos i have to pay my daughter's schl fee before leaving,i called and told her i won't be able to pay for now cos I'm out of job and she keeps asking for that money which i don't have,d next thing she did was to come to my house and started shouting that she must collect her money,i cried my eyes out that particular day cos i don't relate dt much in my neighborhood and always mind my business,people now gathered and were like telling d woman if i have d money,i won't be crying like a baby like dis, it was a total stranger that came to ask how much is it which she answered 5k,d man now paid and gave me extra 5k but shame no free me collect with my uncontrollable tears,i couldn't sleep that night was just crying nd wish to curse all her 3girls but i kept praying for them in my mind but can't forget till now
ReplyDeleteEven if you curse her it won't work. The same way you have your problem to solve,she also has her's.
DeleteYou don't expect everyone to die just so you can live. You should be asking her to forgive you not otherwise.
Painful but there's no basis to curse her 3 girls o. She went too far but you also Dont know what she's going through. Pele,no vex again u hear
DeleteAnon 16:02 Yur head de dere jare, do you know if this woman collected the goods on credit to pay back when she sells dem, yu sef come collect on credit, now yu wan curse her, you shouldn't v resigned when yu know yu were yet to pay off your debts.
DeleteYou are a wicked somebody. How much gain is in provisions that you owed her 5k for months? #10 and #50 gains. And you wanted to curse her 3 girls she came to shout in your house? Is she the one doing you? Thank your stars you didn't, it would have gone back to you in ten folds. This is why I don't sell credit. Ungrateful lot.
DeleteYour guts sha. Na wa. You wan curse person children untop her own money? Thank your starts you didn't. Your daughter would have been carrying triple curses now.
DeleteShe probably embarrassed you because of what debtors did to her. She is a business woman with bills to pay. You should not blame her much.
DeleteYou are wicked sha. Na ur type dey run down people's business and still claim victim.
DeleteThe woman struggling to make ends meet to feed her children should now be cursed cos she took extreme measures to get her money from her debtor???
My dear, i don't want to say u are mad oh
Your sense of entitlement irks me!
DeleteSmh...
You've got nothing to forgive so get over yourself. Do you know people get killed or maimed for a lesser amount? A whole 5k? They say he who comes to equity must come with clean hands, you were freaking owing her. "You wanted to curse her girls", well, you should have. Let the curse stick with you like Uhu bond or whatever it's called. Radarada!
You are a foolish human being. You want to curse someone’s innocent children because you are a debtor. Do you know how much she needed that money that made her come for you like that?
DeleteAbebe shift far, the elements won’t even honor the curses. Curse till tomorrow nothing will happen to them.
Smh! The average Nigerian mentality. Curse a person's innocent children say Na them be the reason why you no get money?
DeleteThat's how all of you line up here cursing yourselves over comment 🤣 Trust myself to re-direct to the person's whole lineage. So unnecessary!
You should ask her to forgive you have. You owe her and want to curse her kids, fear God.
DeleteKai don’t do the one that u will curse urself. She also had her problems. So if u don’t have the money for one yr she should understand??? Hian I hope never to meet u in the course of my biz. Ur thought processes show u have a black heart. Pls don’t curse me o.
DeleteI've realized that forgiveness is a lesser load to carry when compare to unforgivenes which is like a fire that consumes the carrier. I made up my mind long time ago to forgive all my offenders but I will never forget those things done to me and I promised myself to pay them back with my success. Yes,success is the best revenge in life. I know I will be so successful in life that all the people that let me down in my past will still come back and beg me for forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteSomeone opened her legs and collected penis and babies
ReplyDeleteCarried her legs to the doctor/quack to murder the babies
Then she said she was "forced" to abort?
Why are ladies so pretentious?
Forget fire! This morning I said I was angry.
ReplyDeleteA friend gave birth, when she was due her husband was holed up at work, she called me, I call drop which took her to d clinic, she got discharged, a week later I went to see her, her gateman said 'madam say make I no let u enter' my people, stunned was an understatement, I was shooked! I kept tearing up as I left, I sent an sms 'bitch', she didn't reply, last night he texted, she didn't know it was me, is she ok? Me no go near her house again, Laiye! I will forgive o, but not now cos I dunno if I offended her in any way.
Maybe ppd, let her be for now.
DeleteHnmmm that is bad. Please ignore her, am sure she will come around.
DeleteStrange , What could have been her reason? Ignore her joor.
Delete#Forgiveness ...is a willingness to get over what you think should have happened and an acceptance of the reality of what actually happened.
ReplyDeleteAnd forgiveness is not a one-time-only event. It is a process*
I don't get offended easily, things don't get to me easily but when you offend me, I find it hard to forgive, I am very strong hearted, I would see you dying and ignore if you hurt me.
ReplyDeleteI also notice that if someone offends me and I hold it in my heart, if I'm angry at the person and refuse to forgive, no good will come out of the person. Progress will be far from him/ her. Their lives will remain stagnant or become worse.
Even my husband, when he offends me and I'm bitter at him, he doesn't progress, everything will remain standstill for him and he knows now. So he avoids offending me. They always tell him to make me happy always and see how he will progress. He also notices it.
That is why on this blog, I don't allow mean comments get to me, I wave them off cos if I hold it against the bv, the same thing will happen to him/her. Don't tell me it is internet, this life is deep.
Continuation
DeleteOne man took advantage of me back then when I was still very young, he gave me STD too. I was very bitter and sad, this man had an accident shortly after and broke his legs. He was home for over a year and was laid off at work. He became jobless and useless as his legs never healed. Another one too that took advantage of my jobless state back then and used me promising me job placement that never happened. he was also fired at work., lost his wife, his house caught fire, so many things. He called me years later to beg for forgiveness. Another lady that hurt me so bad never got married, she was broke and childless too, one man wanted to even marry her but asked that she took in first, she tried and tried all means, no belle, he dumped her. She was over 40 when I left the state. I don't hear anything about her now. Many others like that.
So, my forgiveness is very crucial to offenders.
Go and sit down. When you don't forgive,God also does not forgive you. Yours is witchcraft but don't forget my dear,power pass power.
DeleteMadam crucial forgiver, Shebi u never offend anyone before? Or u are perfect? Hian.
DeleteAnd you are happy saying all this?
DeleteMe I forgive easily but to forget na wahala. I pray God gives me the grace to forgive and forget completely.
Inukwa! We know ur type na. "They told your husband to always make you happy". Rubbish and nonsense and ingredients and Benny chicken stock!
DeleteI totally understand this. My elder sis is like that, it is not like they wished the offender evil but somehow events just turns. If my elder sis is hurt by anybody, in less than two months the person's life is turned upside down. they said it started when she was a child. And she doesn't like it either, you should see her trying to wave off hurt, she will be crying from hurt and be blessing the person same time, it is funny but I understand why she does it.
DeleteLast week we were talking, her hubby hit her 3wks ago and has not sold a pin in his business place for the past 3wks, not one person has bought anything from him, his business is upside down and she has forgiven him but still somehowbhurt and has been battlig with herself to erase the hurt.
So,yes it is real, some people are weird like that.
Becareful how you hurt people.
Never forgive? Umm I don’t have anyone like that. I have a habit of forgiving people,probably because I don’t want to ruin my inner peace.
ReplyDeleteEvery single person whom we meet in life has something to teach us- be it good or bad. Some may come as a blessing, motivate us, stay by our side and build us up. Some may teach us lessons in a harsh way by tearing us down. I would thank both, because I learnt a lot from them. I forgive and take that as a lesson. I won't give them the same importance I gave before. I just stay away from them. No revenge, No hatred. I gift them my silence(kindness).
#WORD
DeleteIt is better to forgive and move on. The truth is that d more you hold on to the grudge, the more unhappy you are. Forgetting is really a big deal, it is not so easy. A very good friend offended me and my family and I was very hurt. I confronted her because she nearly messed up my wedding but she kept giving excuses. Eventually she apologized after being forced to and I forgave her. Although I forgave her, I was over with the friendship. There are sometimes you forgive and u can not just accept the person bcz you keep remembering the experience.... Just let go and everyone can move on.
ReplyDeleteI was a young girl of 19,1st time leaving home( family/ Lagos) got 2 unical,started dating a classmate,got home during d semester hols/ found out I was pregnant, "Huncle" said his mom was I'll/ he didn't ve money fo a DC ,that I shld sort myself out.cried myself 2 sleep,day in/ out.
ReplyDeleteWas able 2 get money/ wen fo a DC in a Govt hospital, a day later I started Bleeding heavily, couldn't sleep@ nite and in d morning managed 2 go back to a Private hospital and was given an injection and had Lumps of blood coming out from me.
I sha took care of myself and went I went back to School,I had lost so much weight. I told friends that I was recovering from Malaria,not knowing that "Huncle" had already told our friends that I had a D/C.
I was so miserable in sch,DAT I almost had Probation, fortunately "Huncle" left Unical to Futo.few months later,I was in my department reading wen I was tickled from behind, wen I turned round it was "Huncle" smiling.
Can't describe how I felt,he spoke on/on and its bn 20years now since I spoke or saw him.
By God's grace I am married wit 4 kids, b4 I forget,I got married a year later/ took in immediately, so my bn pregnant put to rest d D/C issue in Sch.
I once saw him on Facebook and I smiled I Thanked God that my Life is almost Perfect.
I am in a Better place now,I ve forgiven him / almost forgotten about him/ d incidence.
God has been/is Faithful to me. I told my Hubby this and since we ve bn married,he has never used it again me.
Why would your hubby use it against you when you took in immediately you married and gave birth to a healthy child? You are just lucky. If you had stayed up to 6 months trying to conceive or had miscarriages, you would have seen chomtin
DeleteYour husband is a good man. Most men will use it against you regardless of you having children.
DeleteBut how did you enter university and the first thing you thought about was boyfriend? I went to this same unical.... I was 16+ when I got into school. I didn't start dating till I turned 18, even if guys were doing the usual jambite rush. So you had a part to play.... think about it. Everytime someone offends you, think about the part you had to play in the ordeal and you won't feel as hurt.
DeleteThankfully you're in a better place now.
Forgiveness is a thing of choice. I forgive easily, but it takes me time to forget. Praying for God to give me the heart to forgive and forget.
ReplyDeleteI forgive easily, but things will definitely never be the way it was, I will just tila gi na uche ajuru aju.
ReplyDeleteTwice today I've tried to sleep, twice I've been interrupted I give up!
"To err is human, forgiveness is divine" as it were. It is really a big burden to move around with hatred
ReplyDeletefor someone, when your best bet is to forgive and make light your burden. I have wronged a lot of people and a lot of people have wronged me. I find peace in forgiving people and praying to God to forgive me too. I found out long ago that forgiveness comes to me easily and I am able to overcome.. .
I forgive easily but just that we can't be close like before. I remember when I was in secondary school a friend of mine lied o stole his phone, which I did he later found out the person who stole his phone... Well I forgave him and that was the end of the friendship
ReplyDeleteSome girls sha!
ReplyDeleteThis one stole someone's contact from my phone and started chatting him up on whatsapp. Foolish girl didn't know he'll tell me
I confronted her and she lied she didn't know how the number got to her phone then I remembered seeing her fondling my phone when I got outta the shower the previous day
I just decided to cut her off
Not sure I'll forgive her cos betrayal is the height for me
The ability to forgive is based on ones personality and maturity. Am a conservative type.
ReplyDeletefor me its d guy who impregnated my elder sister, caused us pain as a family, denied it and accepted it wen my parents threatened to sue.
Lied about his age and education background imagine leta it was discovered she is older than him by Far. today she's not married based on having a child before ish.
why I can't forgive I never liked him from day one, never greeted self. and he left my sister life like this. don't say it's my sister fault it's a long explanation.
I av forgiven but can't forget d guy who made my father cry.
OAP swity
It is well dear. It's not too late for your Sis, she'll smile again.
DeleteSingle mothers of 4kids still get married so your sister should stop limiting herself. She should go and pick her self esteem where she dropped it.
DeleteAbi oooh swaggie! The sister is just making excuses to hold on to something. why she carry belle for man wey never marry am? She played a part too
DeleteForgot
ReplyDeleteUnforgivness eats deep into the body and soul. It is like cancer. Its good to forgive, you gain more but forgetting totally might make you go through the same pain again.
ReplyDeleteAs in the best thing is to forgive o. . If not Na burden! But me I will confront you sha o, infact Mio ni gba (I go use mouth tear the person up perepere) Coz if I no speak my mind, it will be too much to carry around.. Once I say out my mind, dats all! We just can't go back to Ow we used to be, Shame sef won't allow D person follow me talk again.
ReplyDeleteI forgive easily, even before you asked for forgiveness i would have prayed over it and be waiting for you to asked.
ReplyDeleteMy own story is about my husband o.met him when I was a 29 year old virgin and willing to get married fast forward a year later we got married,moved to another city and reality set in after 3 months of marriage, hubby became the opposite of d loving man I knew, was always borrowing money Frm me and squandering it and upon that I almost became a sex slave..as soon as I took in and expended all my savings of almost a million I had to run back to my mum o..had my baby and since then he sends maybe 10k in 6 months fr upkeep. Made me a single parent but am glad I have peace. Forgiven him but will never be foolish to forget
ReplyDeleteI'm still on the process. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.
ReplyDeleteAunty stella, forgiving is d easy part. The problem is how to forget
ReplyDeleteWell I cannot forgive my mum. Not everyone is a mother. I grew up with my granny, I was a lonely child. My mum abandoned me there. I see her like once in a term. And I usually dread her visits. She hates me and she doesn't hide it. I did not Celebrate my birthday even once till pry 5, and that was because I confided in my dad that they abandoned me while my other siblings live them.
ReplyDeleteThat birthday was my 10th birthday, my mum brought cake.she didn't bring any new cloths. I only have hand me down oversized clothing's from relatives. But she didn't care. On the morning while going to school,I wore one of those filty skirts and a shirt.
To say I was laughed at is an understatement instead of being celebrated.
I am the only one with tribal marks. History has it that I was an ogbanje. In other to save me, I was taken to an herbalist to resuscitate me. He gave me those deep cuts on my faces with a how.
She will tell her friends even in my presence that I am the ugliest out of her children. She will tell them am from the village.
I am.married now,but she has ruined me. Her lack of love for me pushed me into the arms of another manipulator. And she mocks me that I can't amount to nothing that her other children will conveniently take care of her.
Only my granny who is 84 has been there for me and God.
I know God will still help me financially, He has surprised me with NY daughter already. No one believes am her mum. People gawk and glorify God at her beauty. He doubled what I didn't have on her. Madam korkus , I can't type, I have written chronicles aboutbit before, I healed for a while but I know God will make he whole again. I repeat not everyone should give birth
My dear you are not alone. As a child, my mum and siblings, or relatives never ever celebrated birthday for me.
DeleteNow as an almost 50 years old and very succeful woman, although happily single and loving every minute of it, they are bombarding me on my every birthday with their "fake" greetings, from so many so called relatives that I have chosen to forget and delete from my life.
Not every woman is a mother and not every man is a father, not every child is dependant, and not every sibling is a brother or sister, and not every blood relative is a friend to you!
I don't forgive anybody!
ReplyDeleteI just delete and forget them!
People chose purposely to hurt someone or betray them. What they forget is that their expected intentions may not work out as planned, and the same person you hurt today or harmed can RISE ABOVE THE WRONG YOU DID THEM & MOVE ON INTO SUCCESS & BLESSINGS THAT YOU NEVER IMAGINED. So for that, I live any wrong doing by someone against me for God to judge.
I am not in a power to forgive wrong doings.
And BTW: does forgiveness means acting again as if nothing ever happened or that we can be cool again after those actions of wickedness and now pretend "trustworthy" to one another? Hell No!!!!!!!!!!
Forgiveness is remembering without feeling the hurt.
DeleteThank you Chikito. You aptly described forgiveness
DeleteThank you Chikito. You aptly described forgiveness
Delete