STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED ASAP
Good day Stella. Please i need bvs advice on this little matter.
Last year August, I had a girl brought for me from the village, as I needed someone to help with the chores at home. I wanted someone older but the agent came with her, and after explaining her situation and all, we decided to keep her.
Being that she is of school age, we decided to enroll her in school. she had done up to primary 5 in the village, but she can't read, write or express herself in English.
I met with the Proprietress of the school, and explained her situation to her, to which she wondered why we are in a hurry to put her in school, that at least she should stay for a year in the house while we observe her before deciding on that.
I didn't see what she will be doing for me in the house extra, as i had just left my job, so i can have more time for my home, and also be part of my children life.
We went ahead and registered her in same school as my children.
For the first term she was put in nursery one, so that she can learn the basics, then from second term she was moved to basic 6.
Now the problem is that this girl has no interest whatsoever in academics. She behaved well during the first term and showed some zeal and eagerness to learn, but this time around, her attitude to school has grown worse, ranging from refusing to take down notes in class, being disrespectful to teachers, bullying her classmates, playing and disturbing the class.
Almost everyday I go to pick them up, its one complain or the other.
I have talked to her, disciplined her, threatened to send her back, but her attitude to school has not changed. As I'm going through homework with my children, i do same with her.......
The irony of the matter is that she is well domesticated at home, takes instruction, and is not disrespectful to me nor my husband.
I'm just coming back from school now, with another complain from the class teacher this time around. I just don't know what to do with her academically. And to think that we enrolled her in a private school, just to improve her chances, as opposed to a public school.
At first I told the school to do their job, and get her in line, but this almost everyday complaints is becoming embarrassing.
what do I do?
Good day Stella. Please i need bvs advice on this little matter.
Last year August, I had a girl brought for me from the village, as I needed someone to help with the chores at home. I wanted someone older but the agent came with her, and after explaining her situation and all, we decided to keep her.
She is 12 years old, her mother is late, and she has been living with her grand ma. her father abandoned her mother........
Being that she is of school age, we decided to enroll her in school. she had done up to primary 5 in the village, but she can't read, write or express herself in English.
I met with the Proprietress of the school, and explained her situation to her, to which she wondered why we are in a hurry to put her in school, that at least she should stay for a year in the house while we observe her before deciding on that.
I didn't see what she will be doing for me in the house extra, as i had just left my job, so i can have more time for my home, and also be part of my children life.
We went ahead and registered her in same school as my children.
For the first term she was put in nursery one, so that she can learn the basics, then from second term she was moved to basic 6.
Now the problem is that this girl has no interest whatsoever in academics. She behaved well during the first term and showed some zeal and eagerness to learn, but this time around, her attitude to school has grown worse, ranging from refusing to take down notes in class, being disrespectful to teachers, bullying her classmates, playing and disturbing the class.
Almost everyday I go to pick them up, its one complain or the other.
I have talked to her, disciplined her, threatened to send her back, but her attitude to school has not changed. As I'm going through homework with my children, i do same with her.......
The irony of the matter is that she is well domesticated at home, takes instruction, and is not disrespectful to me nor my husband.
I'm just coming back from school now, with another complain from the class teacher this time around. I just don't know what to do with her academically. And to think that we enrolled her in a private school, just to improve her chances, as opposed to a public school.
At first I told the school to do their job, and get her in line, but this almost everyday complaints is becoming embarrassing.
what do I do?
*Take her out of school and do private home tutor for her for at least a year...If she still doesnt want to go to school then get her to start learning a trade at once
Ask her what she wanted for herself, she might be interested in learning skills like fashion designer, catering etc.
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Poster, thats nice of you.
Delete"Village people" she left behind are using Wifi connection on her matter, they want to redirect her destiny, no gree!
The girl go worry o.
DeleteAsk a 12year old what she wants to do? Could you answer that question at that age?
DeletePoster, just find something she fears and use it to put her in line. Teenagers are like that and you must be prepared if you really want to go through with this but i promise you, you will be glad eventually.
Dont mind Stella jor. Home schooling alone wont cut it. Leave her in school and up your carrot and stick method and also get her a home teacher.
She might be a little older than 12 cos that behaviour is a pure teenage behaviour.
Also remember even if she is to eventually learn a trade she still need to be educated to succeed.
DeletePlease dont leave her like that.
Carrot and stick measure! Carrot and stick measure!! Carrot and stick measure!!!
She is not old enough to decide what she wants to do. You are her parents now so please, parent her. If your parents sent you straight to learn tailoring cos u refused to go to school would you be here?
I have had a case like that,that I even took her to secondary school thinking probably she was ashamed of been in primary school but she was not interested, asked her why she said she wanted tailoring,I told her to at least get up weac level before that,she became worst in school still.i then stopped her for 1 term to see if she will get tired of staying at home only for her to call her people and report to them that she has never been in school all the days she has been living with me.this is some I have changed in up to 4 private schools with school bus and private lesson teacher
DeleteSince that day.i stopped village small girls.what I do now is paid for helpers.i pay you salary you dey your lane and I dey mine
DeleteThis has nothing to do with village people. Please ignore comments that state such.
DeleteIf she came to you without any knowledge of speaking or writing in English, then it was certainly premature to skip her from Nursery 1 to Class 6 within months. The natural progression of academia has been abandoned, so I have a feeling that she is struggling. Instead of seeking help, she has shut down completely. Please have her returned to Nursery 2 or at the most class 1 or 2. She needs to catch up and grasp the basics.
But Stella why you say oturugbeke? I think say wan wawu thing don happen.
DeleteLet her learn a trade
ReplyDeleteTemmytosin Ajetomobi
Learning a trade is the best for her.
DeleteFashion designer or catering
God bless your good heart poster.
Posted take Stella's advice. Perhaps school is not for her. Get her a tutor for one year and if it still doesn't work let her go and learn anything she has interest in. Could be hairdressing/tailoring/catering.
ReplyDeleteThey say school is not for everyone. Just let her continue the lesson while learning any of the above. So she can read and write atleast.
Maybe na another thing she wan do,her head fit to catch book,talk to her to know whatz up
ReplyDeleteI brought a cousin from home just 12 but was in nursery 3 in the village...started late cos of no money and all....put her in a public school here in lag and got her a private tutor...she is iin class 3 now and doing well from 20 something position to 3rd position....want to private tutor her for common entrance so she can go to sec school soon.....as for your ward, ask her what she wants to do. Not everyone is cut out for book work
ReplyDeleteMaybe she isn't interested in learning, ask her what she wants or home school her for a while if you have the time...
ReplyDeleteHave you tried finding out if her mates are bullying her?Remember she is the oldest in class and her background is totally different from the others considering it's a private school...God bless you for what you are doing for her.
ReplyDeleteAbeg tell her.
DeleteNa wa. Her village people doesn't want her to succeed or what.
ReplyDeletePoster maybe you should withdraw her from basic 6 to basic 1,..her lack of interest might be due to not understanding what is being taught. Since you said she was doing well in nursery one.
Going to school has nothing to do with one's success
DeleteOburo maka onye amaro tumgbim
DeleteI mean the girl needs to at least attempt to finish basic 1-6. While learning her trade by the side.
At 12 years, she has no right to dictate what she wants to do or not. She should have stayed home with you for a few months before registering her in school. During that time, let her join your kids when you help with assignments.
ReplyDeleteBV Maple
Poster, please don't listen to this woman. Stay at home ke. You people are mean. Did poster say she cannot afford school fees?
DeleteHmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, anyway I just pray it's not ogbanje spirit that's disturbing her? Why not ask her what she really want to do if it's to learn a trade so you can have an idea of where to enroll her...
ReplyDeleteI had this same problem. In my case, she is 12, same as yours, I took her back to nursery, after one term, she started with primary 2. Yes, primary 2. I wanted primary 1 but the primary 2 teacher convinced me that she'll take care of her and give her xtra reading classes for a token of course plus psychological trauma. Now After 3terms, she is just managing to read 2 letter words and very few 3 letter words . In other words, she just learnt how to read (to, is, at,if)
ReplyDeleteI think you were in a hurry. My dearr, you can't rush learning. You cannot. She is just in 6 to play. Someone like that cannot read 3 letter words. Try asking her and you'll see what I mean. She cannot never belong nor pay attention to whatever theyy are doing. You have to move her back to 1 or 2 .maybe 2. With extra reading tutorials. It's for her own good. Speak English to her at home, teach her colours, objects in English. Yes, my girl didn't know colours or whhat a door was. My kids taught her colours and how to read d alphabet. Just be patient with her. You'll be fine
your kids??
Deletewith all the trash u bury us with on this blog, you mean ure a real life parent?
Smh.
Lol at real life parent. Forget that thing o. Someone's personality doesn't really change after marriage and kids.
DeleteSome mad ppl on this blog I often wonder and pity the men who put them home as wife.
Seems you like some imbeciles here Stella keep swallowing my comments
DeleteAs an educator, I believe she might not be coping well with the amount of academics in the 6th grade. If the school is willing, she should continue from grade 1 and move on from there appropriately. This could include a double promotion in the future.
ReplyDeleteLet's not ask a 13 year old what she wants to do. Of course she wants to quit School because it's hard now but na you no go gree for am. I'm happy she's been good at home as it clearly shows she's just not happy in school. Children act tough when they're not understanding things or they feel left out. Also, I don't get it but it seems ingrained in us Naija to think we can just put a big child with breasts in class with small kids and expect her to be comfortable. Pls teach the girl at Hime. The private shoool money is enough for a tutor. Going to class with babies is humiliating her
ReplyDeleteThe other kids maybe bullying her and because she's older and cannot express herself, she will go violent on them. As someone suggested do home tutorials for her and possibly get her to tell you what the other kids says to her that gets her mad at them. God bless you so much, not everyone will do this.
ReplyDeleteShe is 12 and in nusery one with toddlers ,Her self-image, self-esteem, and pride is hurt.... there is a mismatch between the girls’s academic maturity and her social-emotional maturity and It is diffcult for children to accommodate a child who’s in a different place socially so the bullying is understanable. The best option is to home school her until she learns the basics
ReplyDeleteBut she needs the school environment and socializing with other students.
DeleteHmmm! We had a relative like this about 13 years old when she came. Very good at domestic chores but used to cry every morning about not going to school. She will skip classes, fight to get suspended, not do assignments etc.
ReplyDeleteAfter two years of trying, my mum sent her to her friend's fashion designing place to learn sewing etc. The woman agreed to teach for free and she had top clients then, military wives etc. After about 10 years, she had learnt fashion designing and beading and even bought her own machines. She was a slow learner but they gave it time. So my parents got her a shop to put her equipment. Today's she's married to a graduate banker, she has two kids (used to be three sha), and also does property deals so she makes some money from there too. She still does her fashion business, can read and calculate so no one cheats her. She's also very pretty, speaks good english and carries herself well. She's the only one my parents tried to train that resisted, but if you see her when she dresses and enters her small fine car you won't know. Lol.
Ask her what she wants to do. Some people can be good at other things apart from western education. Its hard to accept but if she keeps resisting, educate her in something else and see if she picks an interest. Let her learn the basics so she can communicate. Later in life she might be more disciplined to sit and learn. But please don't send her back.
Chikky chikky is there any day you don't have stories.
DeleteWhen they tell you people not to reveal not so much about your personal life on blogs you won't hear.
Reveal minimum about your life here.
Yes oh! I have stories to go round and I share my practical experience to help people. If you don't or can't, it's not my headache.
DeleteChikito, pls dont give up on sharng, you are part of the people i love to read their comment on SDK. Pls dont ever listen to pple trying to shut up.
DeleteI think her mates are bullying or not accepting her or she is having a hard time fitting in.. this is a 12 year old who was put in nursery one and as she mentioned she couldnt read or write in English. Her mates are well ahead of her and it may be difficult for her to feel among, I'm sure her classmates know she's from the village and tease her with it. Kids at that age can be mean. Also the fact that she's in a private school means that the kids are of a certain socio-economic class and she may not be able to relate with them. I agree with the advice of Stella,if you can teach her at home for sometime till she gains confidence. Also talk to her to open up to you why she doesn't like the school. I also feel you should consider a change of school. It's like the headmistress and the teachers may not like her because of her background
ReplyDeleteJust get her a private home teacher for now for maths and English .
ReplyDeleteWhen she catches up she will develop some interest .Who knows if she is being taunted in class due to her low performance in class.
She moved from "nursery" to "basic six". In nursery she was well behaved but began to misbehave at 6. Can't you figure it out?
ReplyDeleteShe was stretched to fast and her mental capacity can't accommodate the pressure. Let her rise gradually, like class 2 to 4 to 5 then 6 etc. And begin tutoring her on the need for schooling. She is obedient at home because, she appreciates what a home looks like as against the chaos from where you picked her. Please be a little more patient with this orphan. She will never forget you motherly love.
I concur to what Stella said.
ReplyDeleteEvery child deserves basic education. She can learn a trade but please let her get her formal education. IT IS IMPORTANT. She needs a slower pace as her educational foundation is bad, it needs to be torn down and built up. Also the school environment helps her socialize so home schooling will not work. Find a smaller school were class sizes are smaller and enroll her. Her self esteem might take a dive but that is life you must crawl before walking. Speak positively to her and encourage her that it is only temporary. She will pick up, her foundation needs reworking. Do not rush her into basic 6, she is not even ready for basic 3. Do not give up on her please. She just needs a fresh start.
ReplyDeleteposter please take this advice.
DeleteGet her to learn any trade of her choice
ReplyDeleteGod bless your kind heart poster...sound LOVELY
ReplyDeleteGod bless you poster, no matter what you chose to do please DON'T withdraw her from school she doesn't know the importance of that. Beg the teachers to continue to manage her
ReplyDeleteWithdraw her from the private school and register her in a public school where she will meet and relate with her mates. Those spoilt kids will be bullying her. At least let her get basic education before learning any skill abeg,
ReplyDeleteStella gave right advice. Also find out if something is happening at the school, maybe she is being bullied since she is now with her peers. Maybe it is not lessons that is the problem, but her treatment there. Put her in another school or do the home tutoring and then see. Children can be so cruel especially if they know she was just doing nursery level.
ReplyDeleteMy pickin is 3 years old and she is in nursery 1. Madam how can you expect a 12 year old girl to be comfortable in a classroom filled with babies?
ReplyDeleteThis is not right, please remove her from that school and tutor her at home. She needs you more than you know, especially since she is well behaved at home.
I remember what my colleague told me of the girl they brought from the village. After spending 30,000 for 3 months for lesson before school. One 3_things she learnt and it was I go, I come, bye bye. That was how they took her,back because no need spending much.
ReplyDeleteI am sure with time she will adapt and learn
Take her to the market and show her people that hawk things, sell pepper etc.... Then ask her if she wants to be like them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, take her to a bank and other corporate offices and ask her if she wants to be like them.
Take her to a standard fashion house, make up studio or hair salon, and ask her opinion too.
After all these, take her home and ask her why she doesn't like school. Beg her to confide in you because you want the best for her. Make her understand that if she doesn't want to end up like those working in the market, she needs basic education.
I believe she is finding it difficult to cope in school and she is hiding this fact under violence.
Get her home schooled for the next one year basically in English and mathematics. Then when she goes back to school, she should be in primary three or four.
Someone that can't read and write yet can't be expected to cope with more than 10 subjects taught in primary six.
Una carry person from Nursery to Basic6! Which kain sextuple promotion be dat one after three months? I fear una o. She probably showed interest in nursery because learning at that level wasn't difficult and she could grow in the class. Then you guys moved her from "A for Apple" to "Class, what is a cell?". The girl go dey look say "which kain wahala be dis. Biko, gini bu sale". She's being rascally because that's her only outlet in that school. She's definitely not learning anything in Basic 6. I'd advise you to take her back to nursery or Basic 1 at most, let her promotion be orderly. At this rate, you're just wasting her time and your money.
ReplyDeleteAlternatively, you could homeschool her. I'm sure you can find an unemployed woman with some teaching experience who you could pay what you pay the school for actual better, more effective and streamlined education that can actually help her. It's obvious you don't want to be judged for not putting your house help in the same school as your kids, but in this situation, putting in the same school will be counter-productive.
Also, let her watch TV, not Africa Magic o. There's Discovery, NatGeoWorld/Wild, Cartoons especially. They are very good ways to learn English and modern culture. I think you get the picture. Good luck.
Chikito or whatever you call yourself, u need to STFU with your fake ass stories! She's 12 years old and does not know any better.
ReplyDelete@ poster, every child should be given a proper education to allow them actualise their potential. Please be patient and allow this child to start with a slow pace not jumping classes. God bless you while you support this child
Get a home tutor for her. It’s psychologically depressing for her to be with such small children in class. That’s all. She doesn’t sound like a bad girl so that must be it. Good luck
ReplyDeletePoster please whatever you decide to do, ensure that she learns to READ AND WRITE at least. It's very important. Even if she takes the vocational route eventually, she should be at least literate. Please and please its the least you could do for her.
ReplyDeleteSame shoes with you few years ago,my relative from the village came to mine @11,you should have chilled a bit before enrolling her ma'am.my madam was home for almost a year while I ran her through nursery school books,she left the village at primary six but can't even spell 3letter words.private school say she's too old cos she didn't pass primary 3exams(she's very big physically too) so we had to go to public and she didn't pass pry 2 test so was put in pry1,she's in pry6 now,not much improvement even with a private teacher but she's sha trying!so problematic at home,very stubborn but I'm not willing to let her go back to the village,her mom lived with mine and ran away at pry6 to get married,I don't want the same thing to happen to her too,its been a ride but I will keep trying!!
ReplyDelete