STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
UNAVAILABLE HUSBAND
Dear Stella,
I hope this meets you well. Thanks for having such a platform, where secretive people like me can pour out our hearts freely. Please I need you to post this for me, I need lots of advise from my fellow bvs.
Please don't post my contact, I'll read through the comment section and filter the advise.
I am having serious marital issues, I am only 27 years old and I have been married since I was 23. Married this man that went over and beyond to get me, I am way above average in everything you may think of.
Ok so this man married me, promised me Heaven and Earth, especially because of how my parents brought me up, we are not the wealthiest out there but I got the best life. Studied overseas and had the good life in general.
My husband married me and things were going ok but I have always known he is emotionally unavailable per say, he isn't the very romantic type, which I can deal with, but it is getting out of hand now. We barely talk and this guy though reserved, can talk to his friends for hours on end, in fact if he meets a stranger that happens to be in the same profession as him, they can talk for hours, this makes me feel he just doesn't want to give me that side of him intentionally.
I am far from boring, I am literally the life of the party, I'm very playful and youthful in general. I give him the good sex, I even use Kayanmata (I order all the way from naija regularly sef) just to make him happy and not bore him in bed. I am tall, pretty, fashion forward, very curvaceous yet so humble- I love to make people happy, it's just who God made me. So I don't understand what the problem is, I am not perfect at all, cause I can be childish sometimes but I listen to correction fast. He brags about me when I'm not there but treats me like trash to my face.
Anyhoo, my mum passed on about two years ago and it has been from one problem to the other, this guy feels he can treat me as he wishes.
Sorry my mail may be a bit disjointed and lengthy but I just gotta pour out my heart and lay it bare so I can get help.
Few months ago, my big sister (best friend) came over to my house and she witnessed my hubby embarrass me in front of my helper, she lost it and refused to greet him for like 2 days, when she decided to start greeting him, he refused to answer her and one thing led to another, he called the security to walk her out. I moved out of my home because my sister is all I have, this girl can give me her life, literally. She will not eat until I'm done eating, when I was in varsity, my sister washes my clothes and irons it. Half of my kids clothes she bought, cause she can't just stop buying them things, she loves us tooooo much. That's the kind of lady I'm talking about, went back home after I was compelled to by his family.
Anyway, I have been begging and crying to my hubby to apologize to her because walking her out with security was too extreme as my sister has vouched never to step foot into our house. Hmm...whenever she is in town we meet on the street with my kids and later go out to hangout.
This same guy, calls my dad only on new year (once a year). My dad is even threatening to return the bride price, he dislikes him. My sister's fiancé who is also very comfortable, will reach out but hubby never acknowledges, kinda ignores him even before the fight. I also don't speak to his folks regularly anymore because of his attitude towards mine. In a nutshell he doesn't respect me at all, and that's all I so desire.
This isn't the only problem, he's also so stingy to me. A stranger can call my husband and ask for money and he'll give them immediately but let me ask for 10 usd it will take forever and he will be so upset. I give freely, on his bday I go all out to impress him, if he asks me to help him pay a bill and he will refund me, I rush to do it just so he knows I'm down for whatever ( I thought, I could teach him right if I act right towards him, but for where?)
I work and I am comfortable but sometimes I run out of money and I just need a raise till the end of the month. I thought he was cheating hence his emotional detachment, I then hired a private investigator at some point, nothing was caught. I don't understand at all what's going on, how did I get myself into this situation.
I broke up with my ex cause he was half of this and my ex was sick for months, not bragging but I am a people pleaser, everyone but this man adores me, even my ex! He still checks on me till date via IG and FB.
I am so fed up, yesterday I downloaded a dating site, I feel it's a wrong turn but I have had enough and I just need someone to make me happy. This is so tough for me. In all ramifications, he scores below average in marriage (communication, he pays all the bills cause he's very rich but doesn't give me any money if I don't fuss, emotionally, spiritually, even as a dad- he isn't so involved).
We haven't spoken in 2weeks cause I am mad as hell, he made a statement of how we were two he was considering and he chose me because the pastor said I'm the right one. I was livid! The effrontery! How can he disrespect me so much to say he was also seeing someone else and was considering her if not for the revelation he got.
He constantly hurts me and this time I am not bulging, I will probably never speak to him until he apologizes to my family, to be honest I don't mind leaving the marriage as I don't feel anything for him again, at all. I'm constantly upset and angry in my home, the worst thing to happen to anyone is when your dignity is being taken away.
I am just tired!!!!!!!!!! I need help, I don't know what else to do.
Thank you so much for taking out time to help a sister. God bless you all
Lots of love, light.
*WOW,this is some serious ISH....I dont think your man will change overnight just because you are not talking to him or threatening to walk...it will take God'S kinda miracle to change someone like this.......you didnt state if there is a wide age difference..?
From your write up,your man is Rich..yes but money aint nothing if it doesnt make you happy!!!
I dont know what else to tell you except that if you give it all your best shot and it is still not working and causing some stress and family strife then talk a walk and leave him alone to have some selah moments.
I dont believe you lady, how many people have live i dont house maid and a stand by security that can walk your Sister out of the house 😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteI can't see where she said she lives abroad..she said she schooled abroad...carry your poverty mentality out of here!!!! Because she mentioned usd??bitter people everywhere...oponu
DeleteBecause in your mind the only abroad is Europe, I lived in Asia and did have live in help also our apartment had security
Delete@Poster, what your man sees in the other lady is difft from yours and the love can't be compared, that's number 1. But do not live a false life to please him. You have kids I guess and he probably love one more than others, play your card well with your kids...no 2 but you will need to pray before it o. Stay humble.
DeleteDo not divorce him, there may be that one person he listens to, get him, because the mistake has been done already. Just try make yourself happy and when he sees how happy you are, that will be an assignment for him, and before you know it he will start calling you to know where you are.
Lastly, always pray for the salvation of his soul not for him to change because men do not change bcos when you start praying for the salvation of his soul with faith and humility, God will do it. Love will be restored in your marriage and if you know those things you did wen courting him, try it again o. Know what interest him and join him. Learn/read a little abt his profession too.
In the US for that matter. Maybe they live in a high rise condo with door security.. and helper, are you referring to your nanny as helper.. lol
DeleteThis is what happens when a man marries a lady because she's a wife material rather than marrying his spec or who he truely loves, so he followed the words of his pastor forgetting that it take effort from the two people to make the marriage work. Thank God say I no marry this type, me that like attention like mad, well I couldn't have dated his type let alone marriage
DeletePush up,
DeleteGbam!!🙌🙌👏 u got it 100%
Naija people & fake marriages plus fake pastors telling them who or not to marry.
So they will keep praying for u till 100yrs while u suffer & hurt in a perverse & manipulative relationship in ur marriage.
Ntoor!!👅😜😜
He promised you "heaven on earth" and you believed, is there heaven on earth.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are ordering "kyanmata" from Nigeria, do you know that product very well? Do you know its connections to the powers of darkness that scatter marriages; have you compared "notes" with other women that use it and see how their marriage is going?
Please, it is not everything you see that you begin to insert in your vj and eat.
You can still begin on a clean slate by dialogue with this man and putting aside everything you mentioned you have as personality assets and humbly approach Jesus; the God that instituted marriage as a blessed institution is there to repair whatever is aching your heart.
Anon please be guided kayanmata is different from jazz Inugo?
DeleteHeaven on Earth- Metarphor!
Delete..this is xactly what i sound off to singles right b4 they take a dive into the married realm, "Most men will seize to go that xtra mile to put a smile on your face, which they made u bliv was their way of life while dating or asking u out" youre now seen as an already won election, so why keep campaigning? The mask he wore is finally off for u to see what he really looks like, its even worse for those that meet & marry in few months, thers a handful that succeeded though, but ill-adviced.
Your husband will not & cannot change for you, dont anticipate that. Weigh ur options, pros and cons, why're u choosing to spend forever with that man?? You didnt mention love, or kids sake etc.. when u get the answer why ure married to him, subtract his good attributes from that answer, and divide it by your overall happiness, then see if your result will be 60 and above, if its below 40, it'd deteriorate rapidly in the next 5yrs , then ud wish u jumped off the train wen it moved slowly.
Poster you are too proud. I have a maid, security, I'm tall, curvy etc. Meehn I dislike people like you. Maybe God gave you such husband to humble you. Anyway you wanted to marry to answer the title of Mrs and here you have it. Face your troubles alone. We all have our troubles.
DeleteBitter much!!!! All because you sense she's privileged...
DeleteErased ink i sight you
DeleteYou stupid shaa. Miserable people who never wish others happiness Becos they are in the gutter. Must you comment? Will you die if you did not comment? Did the poster ask your chi to be sleeping when God was distributing good fortune and good looks? Tie ba e. Oshisco. Shiooor
DeleteJealousy is ripe in all your eyes. She described her life so we have a clearer picture n advice accordingly. Stop thinking people are bragging when they are stating facts. Only a poor mind thinks that way. WISE UP
Delete@17:45, pity the anonymous small na😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteMy darling poster,God will restore your home and give you the happiness you desire ijn.kayanmata has its side effect,which unhappiness in marrriage. I have more than 15 friends who use it while they are single,now that they are married, more than 10 are out of marriage and 2 are miserable.I can tell you confidently your husband is not doing at that intentionally, its the side effect of what you used.If you think deeply,you will realise he changed over night.you hired a private Investigator and they discovered nothing.please go to God in prayer before is too late
DeleteErased and the ananymouses. U pple aren't being fair. The woman needs empathy and constructive criticism. Which woman doesn't want to be pampered and cherished in courtship so did she do bad? There is kayanmata and there is jazz. They are different. Did she know her husband came for her because she was the divine choice? No. She is just an unhappy wife who wants changes in her marriage and needs help.if she isn't leaving the marriage then she should hold on and keep trying. Something might just work out
DeleteNa wa. That your horseband is from Jupiter. Man from hell fire. Anything you can do to make yourself happy, please do and stop killing yourself for this man that i dont know who can deliver him. May be his spirit wife is with him all the time. hahahahaha.
ReplyDeleteI am sure the kayamanta too is also to blame. From what we have read here, it is not good to use it. Anyway just go all out and make yourself happy.
You are too young to be married all by yourself.
He's still her husband. The fact she poured out her mind doesn't make him a man from hell. It's not always rosey. There are good and bad times. It's a phase. Can she vouche that there weren't good times? My dear poster, just know that your happiness lies in God's hands first, then yours. Stop making him the center of attention. I know we can get low on cash sometimes but save up for those rainy days so you won't have to ask him anymore. Focus more on yourself, but don't forget to pray for him. Clearly he needs space so give it to him in full, but that doesn't mean u should ignore your wifely duties. Just focus on you and your children and he'll come around. It happens sometimes, since you've confirmed that he's not cheating on you. Be strong for yourself and your kids. The Lord is your strength.
DeleteFrom what I can deduce from your write up, this man is probably way older than you and he has a big ego he isn't ready to let go off because of some 'small girl' he married and her family. I won't say I'm sure but I won't be surprised if his behavior to your family has always been there Even before marriage.
ReplyDeleteHow long did you two court? Reason courtship is very important, it might not reveal everything about your partner but it would give you an inkling or sniff of what they are capable of.
Sometimes in our pursuit for comfort we forget the other things that make the comfort worth it. Someone who doesn't respect their partner wouldn't respect their friends or family. I'd ask that you both see a counsellor if you truly want your marriage to work or else take a walk.
Maybe you both need to be away from each other to value yourselves because two wrongs don't make a write.
Some men are just wired to always be in charge and gragra might not always solve it. Since he is not big on Communication then be the bigger person and initiate it and bear your heart to him. I don't know how married people live with someone they can't share their heart too but it's not a very good thing.
If you're genuinely tired and out of love with him then let him know and you both should amicably agree to it and have your peace.
Doppelganger,forget that thing called courtship,it work for some and not everybody,the person i am married to was a very good friend bf i gave birth,d only friend i had then,even when my parent were disturbing me to atleast bring d father of my baby,dis is someone that volunteered to be d dad which i rejected,he was my only consoler then,i guess the mistake i made was saying yes to his proposal,it should have remain on a friend note, pretenders everywhere
DeleteDoppelgänger that's not it o, the age difference is just 5years so I really think he is wired this way, he likes to be in charge and loves his space, a friend of mine just returned her engagement ring because of this same thing, she has been patching and giving excuses for until he almost let her pay for the wedding venue, just Cus he doesn't want crowd, (someone that is rich). Dear poster just learn to stay of your own, men like this just love their space and there's nothing you can do, stay or leave it all depends on where you would be happy
DeleteI appreciate you. Your advice is always full of wisdom. Some people here are just so jealous and it shines through their comments. God bless u
Delete@push up, you are so spot on. My husband is like this too. He has no friends, doesn’t even communicate with our children and does not see the need for me or the kids to have friends too. And he is soooo stingy!! I always ask myself what I was thinking to have married him.
DeleteMy husband is only 3 years older than me and he fits the poster’s description
DeleteI have been in the poster shoe before and it took me time to understand the man I married before I start to enjoy my home. Men like that don't cheat. When you offend them they put on their defence mechanism and try to protect themselves from further hurts. They don't like outsiders or families poking nose into their family life or trying to boss them around. Sister please before you call it quit, check yourself and ask for wisdom to get it right. Call him when he is in a sober mood and pour your heart to him with wisdom and a mind that take to correction, ask him where you are getting it wrong, show him love,be wish when dealing with your family and him, learn to take vacation even if it is only a week for it will make him miss you and value you more. Learn to give him space, ignore his childish behaviour sometimes and make yourself HAPPY. Dear you can stoop to conquer. When men like these love they do it with their heart, your own is to get the right key. You can win him over to yourself. DISCOVER THE GOLD AND POLISH IT!
DeleteQueen E advice is the best .
DeleteMaybe United state is like naija where its cheap to have house maid and baba security.. Being tall and sexy can not keep a man, also try and do more over time or get a side distraction for the main time..
ReplyDeleteYou know you can get a live in nanny (as per no paper) for $800-$1k monthly. Also there are some gated communities that have 1 or 2 securities that watch the property for some hours.
DeleteAlmost same story as mine but una get money and u didn't have a child outside wedlock,my husband can do without talking to me in months,at first,i thought i usually offend me but i know myself dt well,for the fact dt i get pikin bf marrying him make me cool down cos if i leave there now,won't people say na me get problem?I don talk,cried and beg tire but his family kept telling me o endure,do u know what i resort to now @poster? I relate with him as landlord nd tenant in d house,whenever he's around cos he comes home once in a month,i go just stroll out or lock myself in d room,d only time we exchange words is in d morning and whenever i want to serve his food,na only one person he dey relate with in my family even though i no get family like dt,madam zero ur mind and aim for the best,otherwise, he go turn u to nuisance ni,once i deliver by His grace,na to start hustling to leave dis situation wey fit end my life untimely,best of luck to u dear
ReplyDeleteNa issues like this dey make me rethink whether I wan marry ooh. It is well with u dear. The Lord is ur muscle
DeleteIt is well with you.
DeleteSee how fear and insecurity have made you their slave. What a sad pathetic life you live. You are in no position to advise anyone. Don’t even give direction or tell time if asked. You’re planning to start your living in the future as if you can predict it. Respect for yourself must start now.
DeleteWow! Dada T...i'm so sorry about what you are going through...wishing you strength and resilience! Hugs!!
DeleteI got married to a man who later turned out to be a monster and we got separated sadly the guy died two years after the separation. I have two kids now and believe me I dey do shakara for men now sef and it saddens me when I see women who are single mothers as a result of circumstances beyond their control behaving as if having a child is a handicap. Please free yourself you have only one life to live
DeleteI am a Christian and lived in the North. That Kayanmata is a no show. I just want you to check your life before and after you began using it.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is under a spell. That's just what I can tell you.
One of my friend ordered kayamata from naija still her husband is still cheating 😀😀😀
Deletepls tell me more. i been use one o
DeletePersin go just see anything wey aboki dey carry begin chop/insert for vj. And be chanting "I schooled abroad". Na the thing wey dem teash you for skulu be dat?
DeleteThank you bare,that is the truth.SPELL of the highest bidder
DeleteWhat "pastors" joined together. . .
ReplyDelete"Pastors" put asunder.
DeleteYou downloaded a "dating app". Ok, date and give the man the reason to kick you out. What happens to your "dignity" then?
ReplyDeleteWoman fast and pray. Seek Jesus.
So fasting and praying will change her man overnight. Ever heard of delirium?
DeleteOhh lord fix this 🙇
ReplyDeleteI was wondering about what could be his reasons for the emotional detachment till you mentioned his pastor 'recommended' you're the right one. There's little or no love in his mind towards you. He married you because the pastor says so and not because he was really convinced.
ReplyDeleteBut this hurts. It sucks. I advice you keep bearing the situation for now while letting him know how hurtful you're.
I knew from onset that this marriage is more or less of "arrangi"
Don't divorce. And don't cheat either. Take it to the lord in prayer. The only person I'll blame if I should is the pastor. But blame Wouldn't solve this issue.
Get your act together. Pray(if you believe). Fast. And always love him unconditionally.
For better for worse✌️
This is some serious ish mehn! Poster, I don't even know how to advice you. The Lord is your strength.
ReplyDeletemarriage no easy especially when a man no sabbi show emotional attention. It can so kill a womans moral. Your man has money n has been like this since day one. i would have said you should stay n stock money for yourself but you said he is stingy. A stingy man who does not care about your emotion is the worst so far. I feel your pain, dont know what to advice you bc is above me. Take care
ReplyDeleteI dey tell u @ Bubul,emotional torture kills faster than aids
DeleteHmm. Very terrible. Experiencing that. Hubby very stingy and emotionally zero. Feel like ending the union. Mind you I'm financially stable and independent.
DeleteDada Toyosi thanks for sharing. What you are passing through cannot be easy. Some men are very good actors and pretenders. May the Lord see you through.
DeleteYou really sound unhappy and forever is too long to live unhappy
ReplyDeleteGod please help her
ReplyDeleteI'm sure he loved the other lady more,he only chose you because of what the pastor told him.A man who loves you will respect your family and treats them like they are his family too.My advice is for you to separate from him for a month or two,you need to breathe and let him also decide if he wants his family back.Life is too short to be miserable
ReplyDeleteGbam. Best is to separate. Separation is allowed in a marriage to reassess things. You both need a break else it'll continue to be a big issue.living with a man who's emotionally unavailable is the worse thing in a marriage. It's so draining/depressing. Went through that with an EX bf. Good luck poster.
DeleteHaibo!
ReplyDeleteDo u really need a man to be happy? If na me, D ignore button I would give would make him run mad n run away, so far he leaves d house! Pple are different sha.
I am a chronic alexee anyway.
we are wired differently
DeleteBetter ignore button raise to power 200 sef. Your sister did wrong by not greeting him at first, she should have just talked to him that what he did was wrong and your husband too was wrong and disrespectfull by asking the security to send her out of your house. Poster God is your strenght.
DeleteWhen you ignore twisted people like the posters husband you are only adding fuel to fire. To catch a monkey, you must behave like one... this kind of people thrive in you getting angry with them. I have ignored my husband and had to beg him after 5 months of him not even looking at my side. You never see twisted people before? My own husband doesn’t even call my parents or siblings on new year day or all year round. The sister will have to beg posters husband o!! Men like this no dey shake!!
DeleteBB wetin be alexee?
DeleteMy husband is quite similar to these things you mentioned, so let me too read comments.
ReplyDeletePeople believe so far a man isn't beating you physically it is fine. But emotional abuse is deadly. When you feel unloved by that person who is supposed to love you.
This my husband brags about me outside, talks about how beautiful his wife is. He will even put up my pic on his DP, so people know he married a fine wife. Yet he will never complement me and generally talks to me anyhow. Yet wants to make love at night.
Does your husband beat you if no then madam sit down there
DeleteWhy do I feel I typed all this,my husband is just similar to all she mentioned as well so let me just sit and read comments
Deleteif na me o, once i don born finish, no sex for such men
DeleteAnon 15.51
DeleteMay it be your portion to sit down there too
Eyahh😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
DeleteGod will see you all through oooo.
Ko easy atoll...
God is you people's strength oooo
Omaa wa ga bayii
15.51 your self esteem has been really tampered with. Condolences.
DeleteMy dear, I think you should place this issue of yours at the feet of Jesus. See, I believe that the heart of kings (and all of us as well) is in the hand of God so i would implore you to pray that he changes and adore you, don't just pray for few days and if he doesn't change then you start resenting him again. No! Pray Until Something Happens, I don't support you leaving the marriage.
ReplyDeleteHow can you ask her to pray for love from a man who probably saw her as a second choice...Love is by choice and somehow he won't change because he doesn't love her.That's the truth
DeleteLEP😛
Just one question. how many of your prayers, have changed YOU to be a better person?!!
DeleteGbam!! We should stop making people think this things get sorted by prayers. The guy needs proper original counseling biko
DeletePoster your happiness comes first,make yourself happy first,behave like he doesn't exist.if you cannot take it anylonger walk away,no man is worth dieing for.
ReplyDeleteDo you have girlfriends? You need real emotional support your sister alone can't provide. He's treating you like crap and all you want is an apology to your family, how about your emotional well being? Talk to him about how you feel, if that doesn't work why not try the midnight cry/prayer while he can hear you, pour out your frustrations and lay curses. It may sound crazy but it works. Meanwhile, focus on making sure he secures the future of the kids.
ReplyDeleteThe next time he tells you about prophecy, remind him he wasn't your first choice either and that you could think for yourself and didn't need a juju pastor to make a life decision. That should keep him in check.
ayaaa!i am so sorry for what you going through. take time out to pray and fast. dont rush to leave. patience is a virtue every woman should have. he might be angry about something and treating you thus intentionally. go on your knees and ask God for mercy. God can do everything even restoring your marriage. take care darlyn
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is tell God about it, very important. Keeping malice won't solve anything. Why not talk to your hubby about his behaviours towards you and sincerely ask him what he wants, I believe there lies your answer.
ReplyDeleteI fear you were a catch, his trophy to complete his life of accomplishments. How will you appeal to someone who is not romantic, which may be an indicator of being an emotionally cold individual? You said you knew he was emotionally unavailable but married him anyway, what for? I bet the embarrassment he doled out in front of the help was not your first experience, it was just the first time an outsider witnessed it. Your family means nothing to him, which means he neither respect you nor them. Perhaps in his mind you and your kin are beneath him anyways. Your marriage does not appear to have been built on anything solid, whether love, respect, spiritual oneness..etc. You have young children so I can't tell you what to do. You will have to decide how to proceed.
ReplyDeleteExactly she was convenient for him
DeleteThen the pastor added his false prophecy
where she mention children??
DeleteWow!!! Why am I not shocked? This whole write up hits so close to home. I'm only shooketh he's not cheating. 80% of guys who behave as you've described come from dysfunctional families. I can bet on it that his dad was like that to his mom. They're used to it that they think it's normal. My friend had a similar issue, everything you've mentioned just that her own man was cheating on top. It was when she started counseling for her own wellbeing that the physiologist asked about her husbands family. Her husbands father moved to Germany leaving the mom in Nigeria, he only went home once in a year to give belle. They never really lived with their father, just their mom. So they don't really know what marriage/or husband and wife means. When my friend complained to her mother in law, she told my friend to bear that men are very useless and wicked. I kind of agreed with the psychologist point of view cos even her husbands elder brother had the same issue with his wife before they divorced. The two boys and their dad have no form of communication or understanding sef, they all live in the same city now cos the dad relocated to the U.S and brought them over before they turned 20. They don't call or check up on him. Even their dad knows the issue going on with my friend and his son but he didn't even try to speak on it. Their poor mom is still in Nigeria till tomorrow. My friend already applied for divorce she's just waiting on it to go through. They were married for 7years and she has one daughter with him. He doesn't play with the baby, don't wish her happy birthday or buy her birthday gifts sef. He only cares about himself. He believ s my friend should just be a cook, take care of home and shut up. When their pastor tried talking he said he believes they are happily married. Smh
ReplyDeleteI totally understand how u feel.. my ex was like that. We never could communicate. He knows it all and never tells me anything. I only get to hear when it goes wrong. I was so emotionally down n disconnected. I started attending weddings n going out with random friends whenever I had the chance cos he never took me out. I knew I couldn't survive marriage with him and I dumped him as fast as I could. The worst form of abuse a woman can endure is emotional abuse. He feels he's superior to u and did u a favour by marrying u. My dear...seek ur happiness and focus on something else. If u can't...pls divorce him. His type don't change
ReplyDeleteAll i can say as i am a single lady is that God's happiness that never ends will visit you and His divine guidance lead you the path of righteousness and direct you to a happy path.
ReplyDeleteWhy do men enjoy keeping malice.someone should please answer this. My husband can keep malice with me for one month. He will now move to the spare room.
ReplyDeleteI will apologise,beg do everything. Yet this man will refuse to talk to me. Even if he is the one at fault I will still be the one to beg just for peace to reign. He will still send money to my acct for household bills and food.
Our last fight has lasted like a month. He just greets me,eats his food and retire to guest room. No sex,no intimacy for one month now. And our marriage is just a year.
He said i was rude to him which I apologised for.
I wonder if I can keep living like this.
From your write up, i assume you live in the states. Where the Lord Jesus is zoned out of many lives and homes.
ReplyDeleteMy advise for you my dear: 1. Stop ordering that crap you mentioned. Let your P**sy breathe and be very natural.
2. Forgive your hubby. You are the God he sees. Live an exemplary life. it wont be easy. Dont ask him for anything.
3. Remain humble and submissive yet act distant and uncaring like you sef nor send.
4. Pray harder and harder when he is not home. Tell and ask the Holy Spirit to overshadow your home and everywhere your husband is with his presence.
5. Forgive him for what he did to your family. He doesn't know any better i promise you. He is a big baby with an big ego. Nurse it yet handle him like a strong woman.
6. Live! Make your self happy. Dress up, not for his compliments. Knock out your self and appear occupied and so happy. (Make him also feel u are getting some) He will also investigate you and follow you and find nothing!
7. Close the dating site
8. Protect your home fiercly
My husband was once like this. Crude and always angry. I felt he doesn't love me and he was more comfortable with friends. Almost never having anything to say to me, disrespected my family and friends. I almost walked out. One day, God spoke. He told me i harbored so many ills ad bitterness against him that Satan was leveraging on and caging my home and husband. I did a quick 360. I forgave him, changed my mindset.
I forgave my self, asked God for forgiveness. I started handling things better with a clearer perspective knowing it wasn't him i was up against but the devil using him to work against me and to destroy our home. I worked on loving him most when he didn't care by doing things he loved yet didn't send. example: make his best meals and not be bothered if he ate or not. wore the sexiest night wears and yet go to bed early , dress hot and crazy yet zoom out not waiting to notice if he saw me. Even at home i smelt good and looked clean and happy. Not too long, God won!
Dear, this is not too big, else God will not let it come your way. He trusts you can handle it. Protect the home he gave you. Forgive his yeye childish comments. Na small pickin dey do am. find your strengths, build on them. THE TABLE WILL TURN. Meanwhile make sure your hands remain clean when it does. PS: No cheating babes.
Above all, dont stop praying. You are the neck oooo turn this head right. Many have gone through this and overcame.
best advice so far
DeleteWhy does marriage have to be such a burden!!! Dear Poster, I feel your pain and honestly another me would have said stay and pray but not in this circumstance. This person doesn't value you or the marriage. He simply got a trophy. Please give him some space, thank God you are not totally dependent on him. Nicely talk to him. Tell him you want to give him some space and if he doesn't rethink the whole marriage thing, then please go on and live without him. He promised to make you happy and can't even do the first thing involved. Marrying you means marrying tour entire family....calling your dad only on new year and treating your only sister like he did..that's downright wicked. One thing though...please keep being on the best teens with his family. They will be your witnesses against him.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, for a moment I thought someone was writing my story...this is so similar to what am facing. The only difference is my hubby is not stingy, we've been married for 10yrs and age gap is 6yrs between us. It's women like me that can understand the emotional trauma you are dealing with because am dealing as well. The unhappiness is not here...feeling so unloved, little or no communication, no complements at all, taking me out is once in a purple moon after much talking. With other people he's very caring, full of life etc, but at home he barely talks. I've moved to another country with my kids to study and I've found a friend I talk with on the phone most times as he's not in the same country as me. Whoever calls this cheating...well, I can't kill myself. I won't allow a hubby who's emotional unavailable and detached, send me to an early grave. I've had to see the doctors for anxiety and am placed on anti depressants. Bottom line poster, find your happy, you won't get it from hubby!!! Start thinking of plan B C D etc
ReplyDeletePoster, no human being can make you happy. I guarantee you this. Find your self and be hopeful. Marriages are rocky. Yours is not cheating, he is not gay. He is just wired abnormally. Prayer fixes things o!
ReplyDeleteThe anon saying she is arrogant, I don't think so, she just want you to know the type of person she is. Secondly, please stop using the stuff you said you use for sex, it's evil and will help ruin your home. Give him space to miss you. If he don't have a rethink and find you, take a walk. Life is too short for a man to make you feel sad and miserable
ReplyDeleteStop using kayamata, I won’t even explain further.
ReplyDelete#When you complain, you make yourself into a victim.
ReplyDeleteWhen you speak out, you are in your power.
So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible, leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness*
Ha!! You have just told the story of my life, but I have been married for 14 years. My husband fits your description perfectly and the only people he shows love to and communicates with are his mother and sisters (he is the only male child of his mum). He doesn’t even remember his kids birthdays or mine but will call his mum and sisters first thing in the morning on their birthdays. Dear poster, men like this don’t change. One of my husband’s sister is the one who controls his estate vast wealth and the only thing he does for me and the kids is to house us and pay for their education. I just want him to finish paying for my children’s schooling and I go waka!
ReplyDeletePoster you sound like a very nice woman, but please listen and listen Good.
ReplyDelete1) why have you let your happiness depend on your husband? Don’t you know you came into this world alone and will die and be buried alone
2) change your mindset and change your life, switch the love you have for him to God and your children.
3) you need someone to talk to? Talk to God make God’s attention your everything because He is the alpha and omega, your father in heaven.
4) feeling lonely spend time with your children, get to know them, give them your undivided attention. Make new friend dress up and slay to go out always. Smile always, take your kids out and go out with friends or your sis more or go out alone. Get to know yourself and fall inlove with yourself like crazy. Start a new hobbie!
5) when you get broke borrow from your sis, don’t ask him for nothing as long as he pays the bills and does his duty as a husband them face front.
6) your happiness doesn’t depend on a man, stop this and discover self love please.
7) do not cheat and delete that dating site. You need to fall inlove with yourself and make your happiness depend on you and God only not on any human being please
8) zero your mind to your husband’s behaviour don’t let his behaviour give you hbp, he knows you are desperate for his attention so will never give it to you so time to change the game sis.
9) calm down and play the game but be prayerful and watch God turn it around, na your husband go Taya by the time you don’t act desperate for him again he will come back into your arms.
10) if he wants to have sex give him if not face front, anything he says or does that seem hurtful press the ignore button. Love yourself so much that his words or behaviour have zero affect on you.
He can feel and smell your desperation for him so remove this completely and watch the game change.
Good luck
Wise counsel
DeleteThanks anon, wisdom is profitable to direct.
DeleteMy dear,first things first your sister was wrong to have kept malice with your husband,since he didn't chase her out for that younrsister must have said something to warrant him calling security on her.marriage is an institution of two forgives,I know it hurts when a man disregard ones family. Be prayerful and retrace your steps to what kept the fire burning from the start leave them say alone and face God only.delete that dating site and and seeking the face of the author and finisher of your life.May God see you through.
ReplyDeleteSee, listen to me madam Chronicles poster woman, and listen good because I am going to say this just once!
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not by force. Stop with your tantrum. I am 60 and a married woman, I can see through your make belief story that you are proud and arrogant.
My advice to you is either divorce him so he can live a long and happy life or make yourself happy by being a good responsible, loving and respectful wife.
Thank you.
You are a sad old woman who had to endure marriage,this is 2018, smart women don't endure marriage anymore.
DeleteDear poster, I'm in a similar situation. My husband isn't wealthy though but he comes from a wealthy family. Long story short, I'm leaving him. We're separated for now.
ReplyDeletePoster I was in a similar ship with you but I had to ask myself questions to know if am ready to carry on. The truth is that your man will never change his attitude is follow come, any man that cannot respect your family, your feelings, your Worth then that guy is not good enough for you. I have to ask myself if I want to stay in a marriage of begging a man, I have to always please him to displease myself, still Oga will not be happy.
ReplyDeleteI tried everything possible but discovered he will not make me happy, I refused to cheat, I prayed, I talk, I ignore, both families came into this matter still guy man refused to change. He kept on behaving as if he was doing me a favour by marrying me, he kept on telling me my friends are still single, no respect for my family, my feelings was dying, I was looking for who you love, I became unhappy, sadness each minute even in the office I will be angry with people at every little thing, OMG the whole thing was affecting me badly, I became bone,nothing makes me happy, the love I have for him died, everything he do just make me sad, am happy when he is not around, each time I see him body will start to pepper me. I almost ran mad cos of a man, Oga will not buy me gift, will not take me out, will not treat me right, forming fine guy. I have to make up my mind to walk away, I started ignoring him and all his attitude, when he saw I was ready to walk away he left the marriage to where I don't know. Nne I only had sleepless night for two days and after that I moved on, you need to see me now, happy, beautiful, loving myself, I don't have strength for love for now, am taking my time.
I want you to ask you self this question that I asked myself five years from now can you cope with this man, how long will you continue to beg him,this guy cannot change, you either accept him the way he is or you walk away. I can't tell you to do what I did but you alone can tell the real answer, remember sexually I was not enjoying his small prick yet he cheat with small small girls around the area, bring them home, I still contribute to the house, above all he is a broke as. Am so happy I accepted to be alone and today am doing great.
Poster, what did you do to your husband? Be honest. You havent told us the truth.
ReplyDeleteYou destroyed your own home with kayemata and you are now
ReplyDeleteblaming it on an innocent man? nawaa for some woman ooooo,
you are not even natural
how come l am not seeing any man's perspective in the comments
ReplyDeleteSome men are emotionally wounded and broken right from their upbringing, and it's the wives that is usually at the receiving end. Dear Poster don't let the situation turns you to emotional wreck before you know what to do.
ReplyDeletePoster, I understand what you are going through because I was faced with similar or even worse situation until recently as I attended Liberation City and started praying with precision, raising altars and divine sentence in my mouth. Its a spiritual and not a physical battle. I wish I could relate with you at the moment. Even my mother inlaw who pretended tolike me at the inception encouraged her son to leave us(my children and I) and he got a house around us. But when God intervened, the mother does not approve of our marraige but we are together, despite my pleas and all.
ReplyDeleteThis mattercan only be settled on your kneels. You need a bible believing church or I can recommend www.liberationcity.com. Nkmama